Hollywood Handbook - Whitmer Thomas, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

WHITMER THOMAS returns to help The Boys make their HBO comedy special.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. it for my passwords having them all in one place and being able to uh keep my privacy and have it be accessible what i used to do um which some people will find relatable is i used to use my um finger to uh like use like you know sometimes you can use like your fingerprint password yeah and like scan it that way i there was an ongoing issue which is first of all it's very dirty yes well and it's it's funny because when they introduced that technology to the computer my first thought was am i the only one eating jelly and nothing to so they say like here's the way you can like scan your finger but nothing to clean it with. No. Still don't have the technology to clean your finger.

There should be a cup with a rag in it attached to your computer that comes standard right next to the fingerprint technology because otherwise you're essentially just infecting your entire keyboard with jelly every time. I had a strategy, obviously, for remembering my passwords,

which was I would put something that is canon and cannot be forgotten. For example, my most recent password was Batman and Joker are brothers. Batman and Joker are secretly brothers. brothers Batman and Joker are secretly brothers and uh and it's because Thomas Wayne Joker's mom and I'm writing that out and then at the same time, I'm thinking, wait, everyone's going to be guessing this. Because it's such an important known fact. And that really made me have to go, I got to get Dashlane. Dashlane, you can stick around later in the show and you can hear how Dashlane has helped us out again. Friends haircut, giving each other a haircut.

Me and Jacob. Wohl. Jacob Wohl and I are... So here's how... You face each other. You will be each other's mirror. And what you try to do is... And Wool is the name of the trimmers too, isn't it? Yes.

It's Say It on the Clipper. And so that is so interesting because when I use it on myself, it comes... It's not shaped right for my head or really anyone else's head no it is only for Jacob Wool the trickster god who have unique head well he's our Loki

and these tales are passed down and told again and retold and repackaged reimagined and everyone has their version and if Loki were alive today, wouldn't he use so much of the internet? Yes, and what we're saying is that he is. And he did.

And he's doing it with you while you cut your friend's hair. Yes, so this is what happens. So I'm using wool trimmer, and as soon as it connects with his head, which it basically does do, it kind of latches in yeah and it's like okay and it's like really ready to like it's like let's fucking go and it is like trimming his

head in this way that is like so precise so clean yes uh. And my hair, he is ripping out. With his fists. Yes. And it is hurting me, but I'm just like, God, this guy is so like full of these like little tricks. And he always has like a scheme.

No, it's very clever that he invited you, right, for let's cut each other's hair. And the second your trimmer hits his head, it's so perfect that the trimmer goes, I am thinking it's a sign that the trimmer and my head are... And you're going, oh my God. Like this trimmer really knows this guy's head. They're perfectly aligned. And that's distracting for you to the point where you kind of would tilt your head down. Like, whoa, what am I looking at?

And that gives him such a good angle to grab a fistful of your hair. That was my mistake. And pull it all out and go, now you're a haircut. And I have to be his mirror. And so I have to show him basically what, how good his hair is looking. So I have to be smiling like handsome. Yes, please. Even as my hair is.

Just to be polite. A big part of it is being ripped out like handsome. Yes, please. Even as my hair is... Just to be polite. A big part of it is being ripped out. Ripped out, yeah. Hi, welcome to Hollywood Handbook. Insiders guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. And let's talk about this. We have...

Something's going on right now. I'm sorry. With the lighting or something, it's either too bright in here or too bright in there. It's in there. I don't think I should be able to see Josh and Kevin as well as I can. Josh is here, too. And Josh is here, and he's welcome to be here. No, no, no.

None of that. No, no, not me. Who, me? Come on. No, no. Don't play coy, Josh. You know you're here. But I shouldn't be able to see them so well.

And now I can do the show. We have this guy who's, like, this guy who, like, we have been, like, hanging out with. Who's, like, he's sort of, like, one of these rock and roll cross punk skater hype beasts young hot fresh out the kitchen got every podcaster wishing that they could have him as a guest and we actually do and he's been on the show with his friend and then he's gonna to do the show by himself. No friend. And does it mean that he has no friends anymore? Not necessarily. And we are going to talk about this. Yes, we are.

Wait, I want to double back because you are a musical man. And obviously in the opening we talked about- It's wit. Like it's lit. Yes. It's wit in here. It's wit. Like it's lit.

Yes. It's wit in here. So we were talking about music a little bit because Jacob Wills Trimmer sang a funny song and I came up with that. Yeah. And then Hayes was getting his hair pulled out and all I was thinking was, and when he's pulling your hair out, your hair is saying that there would would be a very, a good song that's like the opposite of the one I sang for Jacob and I go, this is such a- Doesn't even have to be the opposite. Or yes, or even it could be just another song by Peg Gibbard. But I'm thinking this would be so good if I came up with the right specific here. And the time has come and gone. Obviously I blew

it. I missed it, but I don't have the facility with music that you do. And I wonder if you could now, maybe we plug it back in, we go back and edit it in later. You could generate perhaps the right song that I should have been doing to say what Hayes' hair is saying. Oh, yeah. Your hair is saying. Oh, my hair. No, I was going to say. Is everywhere. Yeah, after it's cut.

Oh, yeah. I thought, well, I was going to stick in the Ben Giver camp and go, hair of mine, someday you'll be cut. But I'll be close with my scissors cutting other, my friend's hair. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And that would have been good. That I didn't, that's what I didn't come up with.

Yeah. It's easy to sing like that. Yeah. It is. It is really easy. And it's fun to do. Yeah. It's fun.

It's easy. But all those guys are really taking the easy route, I think. And I, yeah, the one, the only thing I was anywhere near was going and when I see you you're frigging pulling out my hair I was gonna go I need to have my

hair cut yeah I could any of us could do that My hair caught. Yeah. By the way, all these... Any of us could do that. By the way, about 15 years ago, all these songs gave me chills daily. Oh, yeah. To walk around at that time, just constantly in a state of chills, electricity just shooting through

your body all the time. Goosebumps everywhere. Goosebumps where the sun don't shine. Just from hearing just a little, just a whisper of that song. Of what? What's a Ben Gibbard whisper?

Hi. Hi. Hi. Talk about your friend. Say your friend. Oh, Clay. His name is spoken. Yeah, Clay, he's my best friend. Okay.

And we grew up together. And you ditch him. Well, I didn't ditch him. Why isn't he here today? I mean, I think it's important that we talk about why he's not here which is a lot of the you know me and clay worked on the my comedy special together and we're talking about that right up top i guess yeah well it kind of the success went to his head and you know turn his back on you. The success of you having a comedy special has made Clay too big for you.

Yeah. Wow. And something, you know, once you get kind of a little bit successful, you all know like you get access to things that you normally wouldn't have gotten. And give an example. Well, with Clay, since we were kids, he's always said that if he ever got a little bit of money, he would probably start eating poop. Well.

And so. Well, that's okay. That's interesting. I guess I have heard him say that. You too. I've heard this story of you two sitting on the hood of your dad's truck, looking at the stars. say that. You two, like I've heard this story of like you two sitting on like the hood of your dad's truck. Looking at the stars.

Yeah, so when we were kids we would dream about it. When we get out of here we blow this damn one horse town. I swear to God I'm gonna be a big bright star and eat a big handful of poop.

Straight from the toilet and that so okay so what happened was as soon as we finished taping my special Clay basically cashed his check in and he got access

to every fresh toilet and and he started he just went to town and he became fully addicted to eating poop. He has that personality though. He has addictive personality. Well, it's always something

before it was work and comedy. And those were his obsessions. And that's what got him to this place. And it's really sad that that's immediately replaced by devouring fecal matter. Handfuls. Handfuls at a time. He would just consume that stuff. And I don't necessarily want to

talk about that the whole show. Right. No, we don't have to. I just wanted to address it. He's not here, obviously, because he's banned. Also because he's so busy. Eating the poop. So he's banned from Earwolf because he did. He's banned from indoors.

He's not allowed to go anywhere inside where there's a bathroom, pretty much. So that's mostly everywhere. Yeah. Because of the poop options. And so he wasn't allowed in here. But also, he loves doing the podcast. And his heart was broken when he found out he couldn't do it because of his addiction. So he checked himself into rehab.

Wow. Where? In Minneapolis with his fiance. Oh. Yeah, so that's where he is. He's in poop eating rehab in Minneapolis with no toilets no food you know no pooping so that's where he is

and you know I think just pee he doesn't have any interest in that so you know he is he says that I mean I bring it up only because

what pee gross couldn't be me Oh, yeah. I mean, you never know. And the way he says it, he's like, oh, what? Yeah. Ew, pee? Gross. Couldn't be me. Who knows? Drink all the pee?

Couldn't be me. Clay's always rhyming. Yes. But he's allowed one phone call. Well, that's exciting. There's no way he would use it for. No, I mean, he loves the podcast. Should we call him?

Yeah, I think we should. And give him support? I think we should. He's allowed one incoming phone call. Yeah. So we love him? That's interesting. At jail, people don't know this.

When you go to jail and they say you get one phone call, people talk about who they would call. It's like, well, it's really not up to you. It's who calls you. So like, yeah. So something, then you have to run over from your cell really fast. If you could make it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So did I just put them on speakerphone? Yeah, sure. Let's hope he answers. Mr.

Sound loving man prefers. Uh huh. And then just set the phone in the middle of the table. It'll be good. Okay. This kind of thing This kind of conversation we're about to have You do need the crystal clear

Audio He's just in your phone as Clay And be gentle I knew him back before I knew his last name Hello Hey buddy Hey Clay Clay Pigeons What's up what clay pigeons hey i'm here with sean and

hayes hey what's up buddy you sound awesome you sound so good yeah. So how are you doing out there? How are you feeling? Cool. I feel great. How's your system? Yeah, you feeling healthy? Excuse me? Is your system feeling healthy? Getting clean? What symptoms? getting clean what's the what symptoms well I had to tell everybody

why you weren't here which is that because it's because you had to check yourself into rehab in Minneapolis because you're addicted to eating poop from the toilet oh that's okay hey also hey gang

is it cool if I talk to wit just like one-on-one? Dude, of course. Yeah. No, we would never want to get in between that. We'll leave the building. Thanks, guys. Hey, Wit? Yeah, yeah. It's just me and you. What the hell are you doing, man?

What do you mean? What? What? I had to tell them. That was immediately the first thing they brought up. I'm going to tell them. I look like a fool here by myself. Nobody gives a fuck about just wit.

Tell me exactly what you told them, okay? I told them that the truth, which is that the success of the stand-up special that we both made together went to your head and you became fully addicted to spending all your money on buying poop from the toilet and you couldn't stop eating right stuff you couldn't stop eating handfuls of poop out of the toilet and you realized yeah because you were no longer allowed inside any buildings because there's toilets in there. Legally, you were not allowed to do the Hollywood Handbook podcast, which you freaking love to do. And that really hurt you, so you decided to check yourself into rehab.

Okay, all right. I got an idea. What? How about we say that I did that as a prank, and I'm actually in Minnesota because I'm at a conference for video games that show nudity. And I'm doing a speech there. So, okay, so when we get off the phone, I'll just – okay, so sorry. So I didn't realize that you wouldn't be cool with me being honest. Right.

So I'll just tell them that actually I was wrong and that you're just in Minnesota and you're doing a video game conference for video games, promoting video games that have nudity in them. Oh, and I also tell them that it was a prank and I'm with Bam in the game. Okay, cool. All right. All right, so it's a prank and you're with Bam and you're hanging out with Bam and the rest of the gang. Yeah, and I'm also filming Jackass 4.

That's why I did the prank. Okay, so do I still need to mention the video game stuff? And then I'm going to talk there. Okay. All right, I'm sorry, dude. I thought going to talk there. Okay. All right. I'm sorry, dude. I thought honesty would... Okay, sorry. So I'll just... I'll fix it right now. I'll fix it. Oh, thank you so much.

All right. Well, have fun. And, you know, really get better. Okay, thank you. All right. Bye. Thank you. Oh, man. You guys can come back in. Are we good? alright bye oh man you guys can come back in are we good?

yeah you're good alright got it how's he doing? what did he what did he say? I just feel so stupid he sounded kind of upset yeah I just

you know what I think I mean a pretty intense situation though being in that rehab well actually I think I had too much coffee this morning or something okay okay I've done that God. I've done that.

God knows I've done that. And it put me in a... But I have to have it. Same. But sometimes you have too much. Yeah. I have to have just the right amount. I can't have none, but I've had too much.

I'm the same way, but sometimes... Don't talk to me until I've had just the right amount of coffee. And don't talk to me after I've had too much coffee. Well, so today I had two cups, and usually I'm a one-cup guy. So I had two cups because I'm still on New York time. Yes. Because I was in New York. So, anyway,

when I do that, it makes me make crap up. Oh, lie. You lied. Well, I, yeah, so I was lying about the poop stuff wow oh my gosh wait but we but clay's not here and we called him he's in yeah minneapolis really far away and also everyone like it's like really famous that this happened to him like everyone knows about this i know i mean yeah so it's like actually um it's all been like a thing like i actually drank a lot of coffee a

while back when i was doing other press stuff and so that's why everyone knows about it for your your special yeah yeah so i accidentally on those days drank two cups of coffee also and i was talking about the poop thing with clay's addiction which is made up um that's made up yeah that's made up okay so it's not so So then why would he? It's not true. I just made it up. But why isn't he here then?

Where is he? Well, because actually what's going on, and I forgot this, is that Clay is in Minnesota. Yeah, you said that. Well, he's out there. He's doing a video game conference to promote more nudity in video games. And also he said to mention, well, also that he's with Bam and the gang. And also I just want to clarify. I know there's a conference in Minnesota right now,

but it's a conference for video games that show nudity in them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not conference for video games that show nudity in them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's not promoting anything. It's sort of just discussing what already exists. Well, clearly, I don't know what I'm saying because I had the two cups of coffee. So you're lying again. No, I'm lying again.

He's at the video game conference for the nudity games. And he's doing what there? Well, he's been hanging out with Bam and the gang. Bam and the gang. From Jackass because he's in Jackass 4. Oh, so was the whole poop eating rehab thing just sort of a prank

for the Jackass movie because he's so influenced by those guys and their prankery? And he's working with them. And he's potentially giving some sort of's working with them. And he's working with them and he's potentially giving some sort of talk at this conference. Yeah, so I actually, because of the coffee, thought I was

doing a prank. Clay, it's all my fault, this situation. Can I say something? This is actually sort of a relief for me. Yeah. Only because the initial premise of even where Clay was was so disgusting. And even though we believed it to be true,

the amount that we were discussing it, even if you initially found it to be interesting or humorous, I feared. It is interesting. I feared that it was going to be unpleasant to continue only talking about that. Whereas

something like video games which feature nudity That's cool. It's just nice to think about. We are still kind of figuring out what the show is in many ways. I don't want us to run away from a subject that is unpleasant, but objectively, it is interesting. You can't deny it.

For someone to be addicted to eating poop out of the toilet. Well, and to be spending all their money buying it from the toilet, which that phrasing alone. A lot of his money was spent on houses with many rooms where people lived just for the poop in the toilet okay yeah but that's me lying and it feels like we're getting back into it so much where all i was interrupting to say even was that it was sort of a relief to me to find out that it was a prank because while it is obviously a very funny prank that clay pulled off

he's a very funny guy i didn't want to really keep talking about it. Okay, well, yeah. Luckily, if you read about that and you wonder where Clay is, he's out shooting Jackass 4, and he's also in the meantime giving a talk at a nudity video game conference. Did he give any details on what his talk was about? Like what he'd be saying or his, you know, his area of expertise? Probably that he loves this stuff.

He loves. So that whole conference is just a series of speakers coming up and being like, hey, you know, I'm Clay. These are sort of my credentials. I just got to say these video games that are showing nudity. Oh, man, so good. Yeah, yeah. And sharing different codes.

Yeah, so he'll go up and say, my favorite code for nudity is up left, right? Yeah. And people clap and he gets off and he goes to the next conference. I don't know, I mean, Clay might be interested in this. I don't know if we've ever talked about how one time I found a computer disc in my dad's office and I put it in and it was a game that was almost like you remember the game like Brickle or Brick Breaker where you like had to like bounce a thing off a paddle and you'd eliminate the bricks. And it was just basically that. But behind the bricks was like a nude centerfold. And so like as you did the bricks you were revealing this

nude body this is an old computer game like an 8 bit centerfold or like a pretty well realized the picture was actually a better quality than you would think for the era that this was but I think that's all the code like they had just made a photo and then kind of overlaid this like brick breaking game so that

you had to like if you wanted to see the goods yeah you had to be pretty good at the game. And were you good? You know, I was surely pretty motivated to get better, but also it'd take a long time to play the game and you are going like, was that my dad? And you're going, this was my dad. That's your dad. What about, I mean, this was my dad. That's your dad. What about, I mean, I love porno.

I love porno. Really. You know, when I was a kid, we got Kazaa. Remember that? Kazaa. Oh, yeah. And my brother was downloading it. Kazaa.

Yeah, right? Kazaa. And it's downloading. Downloading videos. And you're like go faster waiting a whole night my brother downloaded lots of porn on there he was 18 and I was 13

and I would watch his porn that he downloaded we would share the porn but I didn't like how old the girls were because they were older than me so I would download child books. Every day after school. And I'll go back to poop eating at this point.

And your special is autobiographical kind of in this way, right? It's stories from this life that you've led. Yeah. An interesting life. Can I add a part to the story that is true? Please. I know we're having some fun here, so this is another fun part

of the story. At the time, my mom was in big trouble. She ordered Oxycontin, a trafficable amount of Oxycontin off of the internet. And the FBI came. And so she was in big trouble for a year for the, the internet.

So the internet, the people would come to survey our home and they would look through the computer to make sure my mom wasn't doing any more illegal stuff. And the computer was chock full of child porn. And how old were you? Thirteen. Okay.

This technology hit your house very hard. It was, you know, it was the 90s? This was the early 2000s. Early 2000s. Okay, so pretty late. We had just gotten it. Yeah. We were all excited.

Well, it tracks because I was around with internet in the 90s, and I think you would have had to be pretty advanced to even find all this stuff. Get a truckload of Oxycontins. Yeah, to get a big case of Oxy. A truckload of Oxycontins. Yeah, to get a big case of Oxy. But 2000s is the sweet spot where basically anybody could get it, and you did. I did.

Well, you know, I don't know. They probably were actually overage is what I like to say. Why probably? Well, because I don't know. Because to me it was convincing, and I think it's okay because I'm 13 at the time. I don't even remember what they looked like. Well, how much poop was this guy eating in a day, do you think? Like, was he... What are we talking?

I mean, honest, to go back to not even caring about Clay, because Clay jeopardized a lot of his friendships with his addiction. Yeah, and now this is fake? Let's just say this is fake. Okay. But Clay was paid $40 million for the direct impact of the stand-up special.

To direct it. Wow. All of it's gone. Wow. The stand-up special's totally gone. He flushed it. He got in the toilet. Yeah. And flushed it. He flushed the toilet. Yeah. And guess what? He was flushing the money and taking the poop out before it flushed.

Wow. It's kind of an honor system. Yeah. When you're spedding money that way. And that's how you buy poop, by the way. You pay the toilet. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like a... It's interesting. Some very rich rats living in the sewers right now. Yeah. Very wealthy. There's a whole scene down there of like... A lot of people actually don't know about the underground sewer system down there is rats. Yeah.

Well, and this could be a good segment on the HBO show Animals. Mm-hmm. Which, by the way, let us do that. Yeah. I'm sorry. I understand, obviously, that the show isn't on anymore. But let me do it. Let me do that.

Some of the people that are doing that, it's like, well, just have me do that. Yeah. Just have me do the voice and then don't draw it if you end up being like there's no time. Yeah. That's happening to me before. Just let me come in and do it. Take a piece of the podcast. Yes. Don't even make me.

Yes. Don't even. You don't even have to have me come in. You know what? How about two animals have a podcast? That's great. It could be this. Yeah.

A turtle and a moose. Yeah. Okay. Which one and a moose. Yeah. Okay, which one am I? Oh, crap. I knew I should have thought more about that. This guy's trapped. This son of a bitch is cornered. So you did think about it a little bit, but you wish you had thought more.

Yeah, well. Which one's which? I think you're. Careful wit. You're the turtle. That's what I was thinking, too. Yeah, I bet you were. So what do you feel about it?

You know, I believe my thoughts on this are best shared off the air. Oh. And in the form of one knuckle sandwich. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it. Hollywood Handbook. Hello, everyone. Support for today's show comes from Dashlane.

Dashlane makes everything you do online easier. Fill forms fast, remember all your passwords, and keep your online data accessible and safe with this all-in-one app. And you remember how I was saying before I use my finger to get on the computer? That was, of course course before you were living life in the dash lane. Surely keeps you safe online. And this is how I'm getting

my password. I'm scanning my finger and I'm noticing more and more. So basically I think at night a little mouse has been coming and taking every night just one little piece of my finger uh-huh and take just one line out of the print yes take it back to his hole one little piece and i see him doing this and he's like oh oh, oh, sorry. You're asleep.

You're asleep. And I'm like, okay. That's just a little piece. So like every time I'm like, okay, it's just like one piece. That's okay. Right. But every single night. Well, and I have a similar problem. I've been alive for like, God, like a hundred nights.

Well, I was using this face ID technology, which is nice in theory. And I was like, good, I don't have to use my fingerprint. But I just have to ask these people, like, what if I get my ass kicked? Yeah. almost daily that I am getting truly pounded by strangers, enemies, villains, spies, people who disagree with the sign I'm holding. I also want to point out that when you first did the scan it just so happened that the waiter came you were using at the restaurant the waiter came with a very stinky hamburger uh and so i've had to make a stink face i've had to make it that's smelly face

and so you have to prepare a stinky hamburger in order to make the face, which, by the way, is hard to do. And I appreciate that you can't fake the face for the phone. Like, that's interesting that they know whether I'm actually smelling something bad or just pretending to. It's also maybe a note for me performance wise. I am trying to become an actor again. am trying to become an actor again. And if I want to really achieve and have enough money in the bank account that the

Dashlane protection is even really protecting anything, I'm gonna have to make a true stink face at some point. Without having to make food. Without needing a hamburger right there that stinks. But all that aside,

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Part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations, and that includes body-based conversations. What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of like draw it towards them they're pulling it what does that mean does

their whole finger hurt i wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull down the spider web. Yeah. But I've seen this too after a lot of dates. And I need and have needed something like Babel to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger? Because it looks like an emergency. I know I'm supposed to do something. Or how about those people that stand in the street? They're kind of like, they've got almost like police clothes on.

It may be police. Almost, yeah. And they're standing in the middle. And as I'm driving and I'm cruising, they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost. And they're really aggressively pushing it out. And I'm like i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm sure babbles tips and tools are approachable accessible

rooted in real life situations at which i have all the time and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world studies from yale michigan state university and others can't feel good to be others there continue to prove babble is better. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. Babbel has over 60 million subscriptions sold. All of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee.

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always be easy, but you'll always be glad you did it. Kind of like this podcast, except it is easy for me. Hey guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. You can see all your subscriptions in one place, and if I see something I don't want i can cancel it with a tap i never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think also got an

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about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys that's rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys. That's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys. So what you did this whole thing, this whole special with direct clay directed with you. Yeah. And you went home. Yeah.

I went back home. Yeah. With clay. We went to our hometown. Um, to film it. And you're like, so it's you standing next to like a patch of stinky mud

and you're like this is the spot yeah this is where we always used to it's a lot of come in and like dig a little hole and this is like when i was a kid in the hole just kind of get in there and root around. Fill it back in. Me and Clay, we used to eat peanuts here. Uh-oh. Pill bugs. Yeah. This is where me and Clay used to fight over beans.

Whitmer, your phone screen's driving me crazy. That thing ever turn off? It's doing too much. Sorry, sorry. It's so extra. Yeah, it's absolutely extra. Oh, please, man. Do less.

Yeah, this phone, my screen is being savage. Check it, please, man. Do less. Yeah, this phone is, my screen is being savage. Check it out. Do less. Do less. Okay, so you went and you looked at- Okay, but say less, honey. Say less. Then you looked at the mud.

Yes, queen, to say less. What else did you look at? Well, I told you we went back to the peanut spot, right? Yes. We went back to where we had picked up the picks. Yes, this, yes, This I wanted to discuss. No, you mentioned the peanut spot and I was,

thank you for coming back to this. No, this I wanted to talk about. So the peanut spot, you were saying, where? There's something about it. I just don't know if, I can't tell if you're being real right now.

That's sometimes the way he talks. It makes people unclear, but he's really very excited. Please. No, the peanut spot. I'm so happy because we sort of blew by it. But do talk about the peanut spot that you brought up earlier

because I had so many questions. But please first say what it is or what you even fucking mean. I'll tell you, but I feel like the what do you fucking mean part it makes me want to go back to talking about how Clay's actually addicted to poop. But the peanut

spot basically was this spot on the side of a county road. Yeah, great. Where we would always go there and there's a whole 20 there's a 25 minute segment

which is 75% of the special oh so good yes interesting the county road you said yeah county road

8 we go where there's a one peanut growing on a vine and then you dig and that's how you get the heartiest peanut and this is true.

Yeah. Good. There's just one peanut there, and you just eat it over and over? And you dig, and there's more peanuts under. Oh, the one above ground. That lets you know this is where the... They're friends with the main peanut. And they let you know.

Yeah, so we do stuff like that. It reminds me, yes, of Snoopy and his friends. Right, yeah, that's really... Yeah, so we do stuff like that. It reminds me, yes, of Snoopy and his friends. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's really, yeah, Snoopy. So, okay, what else happens? Well, we go, you know, I do my stand-up show. Okay, okay. In a venue called the Flora Marathon. Telling jokes or?

Telling jokes and singing little. No, but not just that. Singing little songs. Yeah. Which are like, to me, funny, but I also understand to people that it's absolutely not funny at all. They can change the channel and come back. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I do.

And I do it in a great little venue called The Floor Band down in Alabama, where my mom was actually one of the house bands there, which that's nice. So I went back. It was like a return. It sort of looks like I'm performing in the bottom of a ship or in the side of a Chili's, which is nice. Okay. Do you want me to talk about the Peanuts some more? No, please.

I have kind of lost interest. Yeah. So, well, I can tell you more about the Peanuts. So when we were kids. The stand-up special to me me, sounds, okay, sure. Yeah, yeah. We're describing the building. But you go there in the special.

You go and look at the Peanuts. But the Peanuts, you see? Do you see? Yeah, I look at the Peanuts. The Peanuts is about a 45-minute segment. Okay, you said it was 25. Yeah, it's either 40. It's like between 25.

It's one or the other. 25 minutes and an hour. Okay. But the dream that me and Clay had which is why this current situation with Clay is so sad is that one day we would get the perfect peanut and we would sell the peanut technology

to make a big money of check and then that we could then use it what makes this situation sad related to that? Okay, yeah. Because we finally, we never did get the big peanut.

Okay. To get the big money check. I don't know if this is in the special, but I remember you telling me that you, that when you guys were little kids, that you actually stole a check from your parents' checkbook and wrote yourself a check for one big peanut. And you said, I'm going to cash this by the time I'm like 40. Bullet and board material. Yeah. So I did do that.

And then we actually made the money earlier and we got the peanut earlier and then sold the peanut. So we had to buy the big peanut from the peanut man. This is so interesting. The peanut man runs the farm and under the ground has a deal with the rats under the ground. Do we meet any

crazy characters? Yeah, we meet my entire family, my dad and my brother and my aunt and my cousin. My cousin is actually my connection to the Peanuts. Ah, blood type peanut butter. Yeah, basically he's got that thick peanut butter blood. What's the story with your cousin?

He's just a classic Alabama guy. Okay. Likes shooting guns and hunting, And he's a charter boat captain. You go on the boat? I've been on the boat, yeah. But in the show? Oh, yeah. In the beginning we ride on a boat for a second. We went on a boat a lot, but it wasn't

really serving the narrative because I had all that peanut time I needed to get in there. So, the first thing I thought when I saw the Wits doing this, I was like, I gotta do one of these. Come on. I know Wits doing it? Alright, fine. I'll do one.

What would y'all do if you did it? This is my question. What would you talk about? I go home. Yeah. And I don't know. I guess like you want to see me like boarding the plane. Climbing up the little stairs to you want to see me like boarding the plane.

Yeah. Climbing up the little stairs to like get on the plane. Flying the plane. Yeah. I'm expecting to see you at least do the takeoff and landing. Flying the plane, looking out the window. Peace? Doing a peace out the window.

Yeah. Yeah. So we'll need another plane. Yeah. To be alongside just to get the. Could be my plane. To get the peace shot. Could be my plane to get the peace shot could be my plane

we could film each other doing peace so you have peace too? well maybe I'm doing hang loose yeah yeah and he's hitting me with the peace sign

and I'm putting it on the glass the peace sign yeah put it on the glass and I'm doing hang loose I'm in a little biplane like an old fashioned

I probably get out on the wing and give him a hang loose and then I go whoa goggles a little biplane, like old-fashioned. I probably get out on the wing and give them a hang loose, and then I go, whoa. Goggles, a little leather cap flapping behind you. But maybe a Hawaiian shirt. Got the scarf. I might, yeah, I might have a Hawaiian shirt.

That'd be really cool. Oh, I've got chills. So now it's time, I'm going to do comedy, so now, of course, it's time to meet my entire family. Yeah, I think it's important that you have to meet my entire family. Yeah, I think it's important that you have to meet your whole family so that you know about the jokes you're going to tell. So my family is very quiet.

Okay. Is that a problem? Yeah. It is? Yeah, well, I think that's why you got to go there. I need them to be funny and crazy characters. Not necessarily. I don't think funny and like crazy characters. Not necessarily. I don't think mine are that crazy characters.

Okay. I think mine are just sort of excited to have a conversation with me about stuff. Okay. Yeah. You deny them that? I have always denied them that. I've always said, no, not until I have a comedy special. So what's the first thing I do?

I get off the plane and like and what do I do next? You got someone picking you up? Well, isn't it supposed to be that I just open the screen door of the house, and I'm like, hello? Well, it depends. If you got a very loving family, you go, oh, you know what? I have a really good idea. You're walking up to your house, childhood home, and you go,

this is my big moment. You're walking through the door house, childhood home, and you go, this is my big moment. You're walking through the door and then it cuts, crossfade, you're walking through the door to the stage. You see what I'm saying? Ah.

And your home is the stage. Exactly. In a way, that's where you grew up. And that's sort of like... For me, I mean, I do want to land the plane

on my house. And I think I should show some things that they're expecting to see I go out back, I milk the goose the goose bite me on the bottom and chase me around the whole entire pond I think that's important to see that

and then it is relatable it's good to have that at the beginning for continuity reasons, because it will be attached to your bottom for the remainder of the show. Well, yeah. And at the point in the special when I do take my pants off, I do, you're going to see some pretty big bite marks on there. Yeah.

And I don't want that to come out of nowhere. Yeah. So we'll definitely see that. So yes, that I think we want to get. My family. Could do like sorry i'm just thinking most thing about narratives and like yeah uh like ways to like play with this format yeah just fucking get to it so maybe you like start at the beginning start at the point where you are like are on stage and and you are the part where you take your pants off. And then they see the big bite marks.

And then you're doing your jokes, but the camera is kind of doing a slow push onto the bite marks. And it gets in so close that the bite marks become sort of an open field. Yeah. And then underneath it says, 48 hours earlier. Well, I had a different. I had a completely separate idea that doesn't build on this idea. Okay. We love that.

Yeah. That's actually, you know, what I always say on this show, I like my idea, but I love your idea. Well, I'm just thinking of it as an editor so what if you have the bite mark and then it pans it goes into the bite mark and pans up to your face and you go you know that wasn't the first time i got bit by my goof ah okay and that allows us to introduce a whole series of vignettes yeah so i just wanted to say something quickly about my family, which is they do have kind of loud, interesting personalities.

They do not show up on camera. They do not appear on film. Like if you put a camera there, you will see nothing. But they are there, but they just don't show up. They don't, for some reason, appear when you film them or photograph them. And you can't see them in a mirror so they're not it's not that they're like vampires

no they are they are vampires they're vampires so is that what they have so what do they eat though as vampires yeah you know I've never asked bugles though? As vampires? Yeah.

You know, I've never asked. Bugles. But you've never... They just eat bugles? Yeah, they put them on their fingers. I guess, now that I think about it, everyone in my family does always have bugle fingernails. Are you sure that's not just their natural fingernails? Well, then the answer is they eat their

fingernails. So they eat those. Either way. It's really not. It doesn't matter, right? So they're vampires. They're vampires and they have munch on the bugles. And they skate. They skate?

I didn't know that, Sean. It's like bam. Like we were talking about before. Yeah, bam. Do they like pranks? They love them, but they also are kind of sick of them. And they're contractually obligated to keep doing them, but they've been tired of them for a little while. Yeah.

That's too bad. So how old are they? They dress like they're young, but they're very old. It seems sad. Like, I know that this probably isn't sad, but it just feels kind of really sad, which I think is good for a comedy special. Oh, it rules. Yeah. That owns.

When your comedy special is about 80% more just a sad story about a kid's troubled childhood, it really, I think, is interesting. That's going to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've got these sad families. I want to make sure there's still room for the goose stuff, though. Well, no. We open with the goose.

That's trouble. Yeah. It's a bit traumatic. Maybe we figure out how to close with the goose, too. Well, now we're talking about real structure. Story is math. Yeah, exactly. Andrew Yang.

Andrew Yang. Did he say that? Yep. Andrew Yang. Yeah. You know, I didn't even know what 1,000 was and thought about Andrew Yang. Yes, thank you. And finally, someone is talking about this.

He taught me what 1,000 was. What is this? I was lost. He said a thousand. And it's like they don't want you to know. No, he kept mentioning a thousand. And I was like, what is a thousand? Well, if you ask, people act like they think you're kidding.

Yeah. And I think it's they're embarrassed because they obviously don't know what a thousand is. And he's like, let's break this down. Tell me what a thousand is. And he says, a thousand is you take some of it from other bigger stuff and you give that to someone else, and then there is where the a thousand is. And he's showing me. And I say, thank you.

And now I can share this with my friends. All my best friends. All my truck driver friends. Yeah. Anyway, I love a thousand. It's one of my favorites. Hollywood Handbook. Well, there's a reason they call me the March Maniac.

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On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.com slash b ball for eligibility and deposit restrictions terms and responsible gaming resources life can be ridiculous but you know what's not funny getting ripped off and harry's agrees so what we want to talk about today with sorry you said harry's or harry i said harry's we always talk about harry's first

and then we talk about you clean harry uh who are sort of our new noted mask i don't know note taken for this campaign talk about harry's first what we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently great a ridiculous or fun situation that you were in okay recently that's the prompt and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly funny the product funny to me or funny to just anyone i i mean do you you feel like there's a difference there like you yeah i, I've had things happen to me that I suppose you would find funny. Okay, but that you didn't find funny. Well, no, not really.

And you have things that have happened that you would find funny, but the rest of the world would not? Yeah. I guess I'm interested in that one. That I would find funny? Yes. But that others would not find funny. You seem to think that you have like a specific taste when it comes to what's funny or ridiculous.

That is not. I ordered, uh, um, like a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night. Like a lavender scent. Okay. And,

uh, they, they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that funny or ridiculous but but you but you do i just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the at the shipping uh warehouse harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable that's a come up overpriced shaving product harry on the come up i decided to do something better instead of charging the same stupid high prices harry's found their own way to double scent bottle beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands. Bogo, baby. Exceptional products, honest prices.

Is there a Bogo as part of this? Because I don't want to be talking about deals that aren't. No, but I clean Harry Punk. Actually got two bottles. Buy one, get one. Their deodorant, their lotion, their body wash, their hair gel, all very high quality products. They all smell great. German engineer blades made in their own factory. They stay sharp longer. You get a five blade razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cover for just three bucks at

harrys.com slash the boys. Highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry. No risk trial. Don't like your shave. No worries. worries it's on them getting ripped off isn't funny do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find yes yes sure but that you didn't yeah so you're attuned to this stuff i got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on and you know that that was something other people would find funny based on the responses you were getting. A lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my leg started spinning around and flipping me over.

What happened was I was holding my laundry basket with both hands and i saw oh still a sock left in the dryer so i stuck my foot and tried to pick it up with my little toesies i wear sandals punk and as i'm picking it up i just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between there's like slats in there and stuck inside there. And then I don't know who, somebody pushed the button or what, but it turned on and the thing starts flipping over and I'm flying in circles. Help punk. Help me.

You punks. Are your clothes staying in the basket? Are you going fast? No, no, no. I'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle. you going fast no no no i'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle get started with a $13 trial set for just three dollars at harrys.com slash the boys that's harrys.com slash the boys for a three dollar trial set hollywood handbook can i just like your childhood story of uh trafficking in child pornography yeah engineer devin is of is, of course, in the FBI.

Oh, crap. Okay. There's not a lot going on at the FBI. No. Right now, there's just not a lot to like, people are not doing as much crime. They used to have a lot of junk to work on, and now it feels like now. Yeah, Devin. And also with the current, I think it's good.

We've made a lot of progress in our cultural and social climate, but there's a lot less work for female body inspectors overall. Yeah. Because females have stopped being criminals in the last four years, a lot of them. Yeah. Yeah. It's just there's not many reasons for them to commit crimes. And there's a lot more regulations around when, where, who, how you can inspect.

Yeah. So with all this like time opening up, they're like, oh, Devin, I guess do you want to like do podcasts? They'd be like a podcast investigator or something. And you see, look, he's got the headphones on. Yeah. He's got the the headphones on. Yeah. He's got the tuxedo. Yeah. He is a super spot

for the FBI. Yeah. So like is this all cool? Is him like confessing to dealing in child pornography? Was that cool? I was dealing it to myself.

It's not great. It's not good. Dang it. Well man I was kidding. Okay, okay. Is that funny? It was a prank also. Is that funny, Engineer Devin, if he's kidding?

If he's pranking us? Does the FBI take kindly to pranks? Yeah. Depends on the amount of coffee you've had, really. Ah. They do a test. They take that into consideration.

Coffee. Yeah. I was making some coffee. Coffee fee, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That goes a long way. Yeah. Yeah.

Saying that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Not before I've had my too much coffee fee. Mm-hmm. Right?

Yeah. What's the special called? The Golden One. And what's it about? It's kind of a one-man comedy show about my journey as a comedian and how it sort of parallels my mom's attempt to become a famous musician back in the 80s. You're doing songs? Doing songs, telling jokes,

and here's one of them. Guy Ritchie films are not relatable to me. I've always been more of a fan of girl pories movies. And I talk about my mom's my dead mom bye