Hollywood Handbook - Whitmer Thomas, Our Silly Voices Friend

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

The Boys allow WHITMER THOMAS to return and show off a few of his new impressions. Check out Whitmer's special, Whitmer Thomas: Terminal Crew of Dudes, on HBO Max now!   Get a Hat Pack Hat here! Check out Sean and Hayes’s bonus shows at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Listen and watch on the iHeartRadio App!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Lisa, tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Youanu. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast.

The True Crime Comedy Podcasts all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scammed them. What? I can talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube.

Start listening to Scam Goddess on the Icom. Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Carrie Champion, and in this new season of biggest rivalries of all-time podcast, we take you back to the very first rivalry of the WNBA. The Comets were to real deal. I mean, come on. The Liberty was just tough. Oh, God.

The New York Liberty versus the Houston Comets. When we hit the floor, it was hot, heated, fights, elbows, competition, trash talking. Who is the better team? People live, but numbers don't. Listen to biggest rivalries of all time on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, it's me, Debbie Kamaabelle. This season on my podcast who's with me, I speak with Bruce Lee's daughter, Brandon Lee's sister, and my friend, Shannon Lee. Back to your initial point of stewarding my father's legacy and giving my energy to that.

You're lending your life to stewarding somebody else's life. Listen to Who's With Me with W. Come on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. There's going to be another one of these ones. Pissing me off. I think that's what it is about these ones. Look at this little piss ant. Piece of bird.

Piss. And crap. I guess what happens is a literal piece of bird piss will, walk in here on two little twigs he calls legs and try to do my show with me and i just got to go another one of these ones pissing my ass off you come in here to my show hey's take it easy he's not worth it what the hell you're not worth it you little bird piss i hate having my heart broken at 10 a.m okay and now he's going to play this song sympathy card.

Yeah, it's this very familiar sound, right? What is that? Oh, it's the world's smallest violin playing just for Whitmer Thomas. It's so small. I can't even hear it. Although when you're around, I seem to hear it a little more. Wouldn't it be like this? What's it?

What are you with the other hand? It's the world's smallest violin. I'm holding the violin under my chin. It's too small for that. but you go like How are you playing for that? The bow is stuck to one finger and the violin is stuck to the other.

I guess the world's smallest violin would have to be in dial. You need to think more before you make stuff up like that. And what's happened on the screen here? Why am I seeing footage of the chairs but I'm not in them and nobody else is either? It's paranormal activity! Have I suddenly become a wampier?

It's paranormal activity! Get a shot of that screen! Somebody get a shot of that screen. You know what that he's like is backrooms. So you said you wanted to come on and talk about backrooms. Is that what backrooms is? It is just like backrooms. Kevin texted me and he said, this fucking bird piss motherfucker wants to come back on the show.

I said, why he's promoting something? He said, no, he just saw backrooms. He wants to discuss it. His friends with backrooms. So what? It's liminal spaces. I can't stop thinking. That corner over there is like backrooms a little bit.

How everything is backrooms. Yeah. Now this is your best friend. Liminal spaces are some of the trippiest kinds of spaces that exist. To put that on film, forget it. An abandoned mall? I don't want to freak you out, but it gives me the heave-jee-jeeves. Okay.

We actually asked you not to use that term here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But it does give me the he-be-jee-jeeves. You have a special about how you're the first guy to ever have friends before. Congratulations, by the way. Thanks. With special, I'm the only one with three friends.

There's four. Okay. One of them didn't seem that close. Yeah. My brother. I was going to say, I'm not sure we're counting him. Yeah, I was surprised that that was an angle. Let's see.

How many friends do you have? Count them. Well, just the one here. And Richie and I are actually making some inroads. Okay. I would say that we are very close acquaintance. at this point. Okay.

We met his entire family. I met your kids flip chinter. That's not, that is not his kid's name. That is a move he can do. He can do a flip chinter. And he is sometimes referred to by that name because it is such a famous move. The flip chinter. I thought it was named after your kids.

flippin' chinter. No, it's one kid that does one move. It's one huge kid. I understand why you think it's two. The kid is enormous. Big kid. I got a really big kid. Who are the friends?

Bud. Mm-hmm. Clay? Mm-hmm. Jeremy. I notice he doesn't come with you anymore, Clay. Yeah, he's too serious now. Yeah.

He did get really serious. He would just... It happened. during one of our episodes. I gotta listen to that. Bud Clay, Jeremy. And my brother, Johnny. And your brother.

Yeah. I hear Rod's coming out with a special. You know what's called? What? I guess I'll go fuck myself, though. Rod wouldn't even come to the premiere, even though he's in it. He is in it, but he's, like, mysterious in it. He's sitting on the side of the stage.

But no, he wouldn't come to the premiere because he had another vacation planned. Okay, so that's why I was able to get an invite. Yeah. as many as 90 minutes ahead of the of the event Did I is that did I? No you didn't A lot of my friends didn't get invites

Meature comes on the show You should come That felt you should come to the premiere Don't tell me what I should do And also I haven't been invited You know it feels even worse to me I was not a part of that conversation I'm just finding out now that she told him he should come

She didn't tell me that I should Well, she's, she like doesn't know. She bonged her head earlier that day. So it made her go. That actually explains the episode. Yeah, yeah, explains a lot. She really bunked the shit. That helps me.

That helps me. I mean, there's a whole other page of celebrities like y'all. I put nothing but celebrities on one page and none of the celebs got invited because she didn't know that. You did a whole Google dog scrolled down. I'll be honest. I got invited. It's a different tab. What?

Yeah. You did? I'll be honest, I got invited. Well, that's because you're on the normal guy page, no offense, but Hayes was on the celebrity page. Oh, okay. Because he wrote for a lot of, he wrote for Brink. Yeah, yeah, he was on Brink. Yeah.

I think about Brink a lot. I had a cup of coffee on Brink. How often do you think about Brink? I think about it a lot. Brink on the brain. Do you remember the rollerblading movie Brink? Yes, that's actually the only one. only one that is

called brink. The show is called the brink. Oh, sorry. Well, you know what he said when they said

we want you to write on the brink? He said, back up the brinks. Beep, beat. No issue for me. You know what to do?

When I get an offer to do something, I say beat, beat, beat, like, because I'm, let's bring the, back it up.

Back up the money. Mm-hmm. Yeah, all right, well. Okay. Okay. So the special is about having four friends, I guess. And one's a brother. Yeah, three friends and a brother.

What's so funny about that? My friends do the craziest things. They're insane, huh? And you've known them since you were a kid? Yeah. How's that even happened? You just sometimes when you're a kid, you meet boys. Okay.

So you know someone? A couple guys. You meet a couple guys. Yeah. You go, I like what you're tossing my way. That I understand, but then what happens? Yeah. You just keep doing it.

And you try to keep thinking of ideas to hang out based on. And that's a whole, that's a special. What about you have to go home? Yeah, what about what at night? You call home. And tell them my road house is on again. I want to watch it while we sit on the phone and we don't talk. but we are watching it.

Okay. That's your brother? You're calling your brother? No, he's usually sitting there. Okay. Or he's in his room. Okay. Jacking off.

With a girl. Jacking off with a girl. With a girl's body. Oh, using a girl. The girl becomes sort of a sleeve or something. That's a nice. That's a really nice way to put it with. That's what he used to tell me.

What a nice way to talk about that? Well, because we were Christian and he didn't want to lose his virginity, so he would jack off with a... It doesn't count. Jack off with a girl. Yeah. Beating ain't cheating. People say it's anal, but it's really... Anyway, I know you don't like talking about that stuff.

No, as long as we're describing it in a respectful way, you know, we wanted to have you on the show, and we knew we'd cover a wide variety of topics. it is, after all, a free-flowing conversation that occasionally touches on mature subjects. We knew we were having an HBO guy on. And so they're allowed to do anything. It's sort of the real sex episode of Hollywood Handbook where we get into jacking off with a girl.

With a girl's body. For Jesus. Yeah. Just to be clear, they're not jacking off together. She's not, she's, we don't talk about it anymore. The friction is provided. She might be getting something out of it. Mm-hmm.

And if not, I'm sure my brother would get her off right after. He's a good guy. What's he doing to achieve that? Throw up. I don't know what he's doing. Yeah. There's no way to really know because nobody does. There's no, it's every, women are mysterious.

So what happened? What are you doing here? The special is over. Yeah, didn't this special happen already? I did. Because I need more people to watch. What are the numbers? Bad.

Okay. Wow. It works for my narrative. Well, the misappearance makes sense. Yeah, toss me on here. Toilet time, huh? Get me a couple more little... What are your fans called?

Little Fuckers? Our fans are aspiring little fuckers. Okay. Yeah. I need the little fuckers that tune in. We're trying to get the... We're trying to get them up to the level of little fuckers.

Right now they're just aspiring. That's their dream. What you got to do to be a little fucker? Like, it's because it's kind of like a little stinker. If I'm one of the aspiring little fuckers, I'm listening to this and thinking, why is my, why am I being interrogated here? Why am I on trial? Yeah. Doesn't he want something from me?

Yeah. Shouldn't he be playing to me, not sort of investigating me and my motives? Well, I'm trying to figure out how to, like, crack the algorithm, I guess. He wants me to sit down, which hurts for me to do. Because they don't ever have butts. Your fans. They don't have butt. They have flat asses, I mean.

They, it is a community. Mm-hmm. And they share a collection of a butts. How do you mean? They have a place that they can go. that has a butt there. Everyone gets to sit into the butt, walk around, feel what that would feel like.

Then they go home with essentially a flat piece of cardboard, you know, at the top of their legs. That's really sweet. Yes, it is. They are actually really sweet. They're a really nice community, and they don't deserve your disdain or mistreatment. Or judgment.

You know what it sounds like when they sit down? I feel really bad for judging them, and I just want to say I'm sorry. And I'm the type of guy who will say sorry. I'm the type of guy who he's dessert first. That's cool. And sometimes I skip the entree. Wow. So it's dessert?

That apse. Did Clay direct it? Me and Clay did. But Clay has a beard and glasses. Not just Clay, me too. So everybody thinks Clay's the leader of the group because he looks like Steve's Cooper. What was that conversation like? I said, Clay, you're not the leader of the group.

I'll kill you. Oh, my God. Well, I can. Clay. I think about being friends. I think about killing him all the time. Yeah, me too. Like ending him.

And how easy would be. I don't. If I thought about it once it would be done. if I actually allowed myself to fully congeal the image of killing clay he wouldn't be around anymore so I have to keep those thoughts at bay because as soon as the plan is formed

I have no choice but to execute it and to execute him okay and I like clay but it would be fun to kill him it's not for me I don't think about it in terms of like this is fun

this is boring You know, all I think about is I am a force who achieves my goals. If I visualize something, I make it a reality. I'm the kind of dreamer. My dreams just exist in the world. I get to walk right into them. I'm dreaming while I'm awake, brother. Sweetest thing in the world.

And if that dream happens to involve murdering your friend Clay, one of your three friends, I might add, and a brother. Well, then you're going to be walking around in that dream, too. Up to your neck and blood. Damn. Clay's does got a lot of blood. Right? Yeah.

You can tell just looking at him, he's got a lot of blood. That fool is a bag. He's a sack of thick blood. Oh, yeah. He's got molasses in there. I don't wish to kill Clay. I just was with you. Yeah.

Yes. I was with you. The big sack of blood. When we got to molasses, that felt like a different idea. Yeah, I thought it was blood. What is molasses? It's like sugary something. Yeah, so you do know what molasses is.

Okay. Yeah. So that's different from blood. There's too many rules to being friends with y'all. You got all kinds of rules. You kind of know exactly what molasses is. And then if you kind of know what it is, you get mad at me. Let me tell you one of the rules you forgot.

What? When you're friends with us, you talk about it. On TV. Part of the special should be, these guys used to be my friends when I was a kid. Then I upgraded. And so the lights would dim and then those guys would get wiped off the stage. Maybe somebody come in, a bunch of soldiers or something, come in and execute them. And then you go, and now here's my real friends.

And you all burn it. I say this is Sean C and Hayes D. Do y'all play any instruments? I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I sing and play guitar. Yeah. So I sing as well.

Wow. And he plays guitar for me. Cool. I like you say he plays guitar for me and he said he's my guitar player. Yeah, that's right. He plays guitar for me. Yeah. That's cool.

Sometimes just for me to listen, sometimes for me to sing along to. And what kind of songs do you like to sing? Oh. Wait, it sounded like you're about to sing a song. Oh, no. That kind of. Oh. That's cool.

My plan is to hire Golden Eye to kill Clay. He's a big fat bitch. He's twice the size of me. His name is friggin' wit. He has friends count him three. He did a special and he got him. on the stage, but he forgot about me and my friend Hayes. All right.

So it's like, do you imagine the guitar part of that? And then the guitar is just jangle, jangle, chagg, chagg, chagg, chag. It's truck. Richie, what happened over there? It's kind of like a metal song that an old man would sing at a bar when he's had a few too many. with the chuggy kind of thing. Maybe one of your fans can make it. We made it.

We made it. And we are our biggest fans. We wouldn't do the show if we didn't love our own shit. Okay, you're right. Where did you make this special? At the Highland Park, Ebell. Mm-hmm. It's like a wedding venue that in the air conditioning broke.

And if you watch it one day, you'll see that it's hot and the audience thins out. out about 70. I'd say 25% of them are gone by the end of the show. I watched the first special. I enjoyed it. I was not told that there was going to be homework after. Six years later, watch another one.

To watch another special. No, told me I was going to have homework at the end of it. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. To watch another special six years later. I do more funny voices in this one, though. I think you might appreciate that. Are any of the funny voices in the room with us right now?

it? Yeah. I think you need to... Wait. Yeah. Wait. What the hell? Get over there now, dude.

Dude. I think you need to get your head right. Go to the bank and get me some cash. That's like a story I tell. And who is that? That's my aunt. And so that's why Bud is... is in

because I know he, I see him laughing of funny voices all the time now. He kind of encourages me. Who's that lady? It's my aunt. No, that Bud is working with. A lady, she's...

You don't even know your friend's life like I do? Bud is working with kippy flu. Who's a lady that does impressions and she was on SNL? Oh, Melissa Vise and Yon-Mor. Yes.

She sounds like that. She goes, She can do that. But she can do others, too. Oh, she can't. She can do crazy. You can't do anymore. Hold on.

I can tell. Uh-oh. I've seen that face. I've seen the face. I've seen you do that face where it's not a voice. There's not a voice. So I said that you couldn't do anymore and I knew you weren't going to. How are you doing?

Let's just say I'm doing so good that I'm shining. Ask me another one. Ask me another question. Okay. What'd you have for breakfast? I had eggs and they were as good as it gets. I can do this all day. You cannot do as many as that lady could do.

She can do way more than you. She's really good at it and you're not that good. I can do another one. She does Owen Wilson. Okay. This is Owen Wilson, but he's lost his voice. Okay, okay. Come on.

What? Come on. Hey. Wow. Yeah. I think hers are better because she, the guy is talking in hers. One of your funny voices is someone who's lost his voice. Yeah.

If that counts, I can do so many. Like what? Well, who's a celebrity you'd like to hear an impression of? Calum Turner That's good Calum Turner But he lost his voice There should be a James Bond movie

He is going to be James Bond GoldenE Really They're running it back with Golden Eye He's gonna be James Bond And he plays his own video game in the movie Shit so it's like a minute He's gonna be doing this time

Golden Eye Secret Service Mm-hmm So he's Kingsman Golden Compass And he's American Wait Is Secret service exclusive to America? They can't tell you. Yeah, that's why they call it on her

Majesty's Secret Service because it's so American. You fool? You fool? I can't do anything right with these two. If I would have had y'all in this special, I would have gone, why do all birds sound the same? And then you would have gone, don't. Guess we'll never know. You would have gone, stop. You don't know what I would have done and you never will. You wouldn't have been smacking your knee like bud. that's true yeah

next time if you when you all ever watch it watch him and see how much he's looking for stuff back there we had to edit around him looking for stuff he's like he like dropped something I don't know what he's always has to be doing that

the drummer always has to be like that's what he's doing yeah I'll never look back here before let's see what that's all about yeah like a little baby you're very exposed back there yeah you know Yeah. Well, it feels like you're safe, like you're in a little fort because you've got your drum kit, you know? And so it feels like you're protected like you're a secret. But we can actually see through a lot of it. So people don't realize that when they're at the drums. Basically waist up, we can see all that. Mm-hmm. And you're always kind of back there. You're back there in the middle.

Yeah, bonking on stuff. It's embarrassing to be a drummer just like bonking on stuff for money. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Paid to balk on little things. Laughing at. Some guy. Let's see. What could he be laughing at? Slap in your knee, like you said.

Yeah. What could he be laughing at? Why don't you ask me another question? Oh, you want a question for me for you? Yeah. All right. That's not for me, but I would like another question. All right.

Let me ask you a question. Why are you like this? Well, because. I like to have fun and I like to dance be myself who's that I think it's Billy Crystal you do wait hey let's go over there well I can be myself and I can dance oh it's Borat's friend yeah that's what I was getting to no no you're so wrong uh-huh why don't you clean the crap out of ears and listen one more time.

Okay. I'm getting a call from City Hall. That's awesome. This is a shock. Let's see. Okay. Hello? Is everything okay? Hello? Hello? Good morning, Sean. Good morning. This is Nicole with member services. How are you doing today?

Member services at City Hall. I didn't lose my membership to the city. Have I? You're speaking with the right person. I just need a couple quick details first. Thanks. Anything you need. Because the information we think, this will just take a moment. I'm calling because the information we receive shows you've been making payments on your credit cards on time. That feels really good to hear.

Okay, thank you. Thank you. That's actually good. Okay. Sorry, I interrupted you. It feels like it really throws you off when I interrupt you. What I'm going to do is just let you speak starting now. By the way, you're on Hollywood Handbook.

To help us determine how much you currently owe on your credit cards combined, could you give me a ballpark? Has she heard of the show? Like 10,000, 20,000? Uh, 200,000. Roughly how much you owe. Unfortunately, a million. Our program can only handle debts up to $150,000. Ah, damn, you got the wrong guy then.

Do you know the show? City all has changed, man. They were actually trying to be helpful. You came really close to the ceiling that one. You were only, I mean, I was going to get some help with my... Like, you almost had it. I know, but I, of course, was low-balling her

just to kind of get her on the hook. But then I was going to help with the full Millie. Well, anyway, sorry, Witt, I know it's your episode, but when City Hall calls... I get it, man. I get it. Speaking of City Hall, do you do Pacino? Hey.

Well, you got to ask me a question first. It's true with all these celebrities. They really refuse to speak unless prompted. Yeah. It's so true. They're only speaking in interviews and stuff. To the impression, they just kind of sit down and these interviews like, it's like, you come to me, you know what I mean?

They're not offering anything. It's what makes them cool and mysterious. But no, seriously, ask him a question. What's your favorite food to eat today? My favorite food? I say you right now. It's bacon. When I eat it, it keeps me cruising through the day.

Who I? Hey. Hey. You're, um, you're both weird. I get this. Hey, but it's okay. Just tone it down a little bit. It's okay to be weird.

Not the impression. The, some of the content. The way that we're being treated by the impression. That's not me. I like to imagine that Al Pacino would be a little nicer to me. All right. Sorry, I had to have a sip of water. That makes me nice.

That makes me nice. That's really good water, guys. Did you make that yourself? No. If you did, that's okay. We didn't. It's okay. You did.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Wow. The other day, I cut my face and it looked like a scar face. Are you doing the Joker? You want to know how I got this cut on my face? Wow. Hey, I'm Tori Webster, and I host That Digital Take.

If you've ever wondered how the internet really works, from influencer culture to digital marketing and pop culture, this is your inside look. Each week, I share what's actually working online, the behind the scenes of building a career as a creator, and real conversations with people shaping the industry. Think of it like your big sister guide to the digital world. Follow that digital take on IHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts.

Lisa, we should tell them about our new show. Oh my God, Lexi, we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Youan. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references,

occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. I'm not going to get anyone fighting. That is wild. I learned that about you today. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business, and I've always got something to say.

If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. We're going to talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older, and a little wiser. We're best friends, but we don't always agree. Because you told us how accommodating you are. Obviously, I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me.

Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Liar. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't really care. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcasts. The True Crime Comedy Podcasts all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week, I bring on incredible guests like Conan O'Brien, Iowa Debrie, Lamorne Morris, and Nicole Beyer.

Ooh, I scammed them. What? I could talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And the scams run the gamut. I'm talking about scams from the 1800s all the way up to today. day. I also warn you and keep you safe against scammers. Call your grandparents. Tell your parents

to stop clicking on links, please. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. If there's a scam, I'm here to protect you. And I'm also here to laugh with you. So if you like fun, if you like comedy and you like learning and protecting yourself from criminals, start listening to scam goddess on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Dear honies, this is goodbye. In February of 2024, celebrated illustrator and children's book author Patra Mather's and her husband Michael mailed letters to dozens of friends and family members to let them know that they had died by suicide.

By the time you get this letter, both Petra and I will be dead. Next stop, Wonderland. Patra and Michael were by all accounts healthy, happy, and in love. Why did they do it? And what did it do to the people they left behind? I would have given a million reasons to not leave this world had I known. I keep coming back to I truly hope that Petra was 1,000% on board with the plan. Do you think of him as having killed her?

Yes, I do. I hold Michael responsible from my mother's staff. I'm Leon Nafak. And I'm Alice Gregory. Together we set out to interview everyone who got one of Patriot and Michael's letters. as one married couple trying to understand another. Listen to Death of an Artist on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. That sucks. You are really good at this.

Yeah, unfortunately, we found out that Villasigniors got somebody right on her tail. That sucks. He's so good. No wonder Bud hangs out with you. It's always just been right there. He can play a song. He can beat anyone. Mr. Everybody. and he's cutting up the band the whole time. The band's falling out.

Yep. They're falling down because of how hard they're laughing. God. They're falling on their assholes. That sucks. Why does it suck? Because you're jealous? I'm jealous of your abilities.

I'm not jealous of falling on my assholes. That actually doesn't sound good too. me. I'm jealous of being good at it, doing it on TV, people liking it, having all your friends there. People want to see it. They're actually coming, talking you about it. They're watching it. People are laughing. Being good at it. Having people there. All the same stuff. Well, it's variations on a theme, I suppose. Wouldn't it be weird if every single thing he was jealous of was different from mine? It would be... Wouldn't that be straight?

You'd say all the same stuff? Like, you want every single thing to be different? I can't do anything right on here. We just spent like five minutes glazing your ass over the Pacino impression. And now it's immediately, I can't do anything right. I think, in fact, you can't get any criticism at all without playing the victim card. Yeah, I guess you're right. I do need to work on that.

And I will. Thanks, y'all. Thanks for holding me accountable. Skateboarding, he can jump. I've seen him jump. I've seen him spin the board. I've seen him roll the board. I've seen him bounce on it.

I've seen him bounce on that thing. Sean? Come on. not again damn maybe next time the entire thing was my idea the entire thing was my idea the skating part of it

the one I said bounce first but we added thing that was crucial yeah the thing so stupid thing really pulled the whole idea to get barely anything people driving around listen to this right there

they went like this with their hair they went because that's where it got interesting. When I said thing. Their hair was over there. Well, the two of us said thing. Yeah, it's nothing.

We should, should we all grow our hair out? Should we all grow our hair out? I was considering, actually, all of us growing our hair out as well. I feel like it'd be funny next time I'm on here. So the next time you're on, what is it going to be six years? Hopefully not. So wait, Clay has short hair. Right?

Yeah. And so does Bood? Yeah. Bood. What about brother? His hair's kind of short right now. Okay. And Jeremy's hair?

Jeremy's hair's long. Okay. Okay. So Jeremy is the one we got to take care of. It won't be hard. It won't. Mm-hmm. Like, I want to kill Clay, but Jeremy would be easier to kill.

You have to try not to kill him. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. Don't even need double set them and go. but it would be cool to have him do it with the pp7 remember that that was the guns get right away yes the walter well is that the actual name of it maybe we call our friend group the pp7

no pp7 is what i call my yeah your tongue you know what it is that come on now blah blah you want as long as you do that right after. Oh yeah, you can get away with literally anything. I like to say the most fucked up dark stuff I can think of. Me too. And people are looking. I give it just a moment, just a beat of them being like, holy shit.

Did this dude really just said that? And then I go, blah. He's a crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. Yep. They love it. They love being taken right to the edge like that. Oh, my God.

They love being a little scared. The tiny. eye dropper of danger that we injected Is it real? It's part of why so many people want to be friends with us on stage and their specials. Haven't gotten the exact right offer yet. Well, okay, to be fair,

I asked how much could I Venmo you to get you to come onto the stage. That's all we're asking. That's all we're asking for us to be fair. You heard the City Hall call. My Venmo is currently non-operational. Damn. It's been internationally frozen.

That's too bad, man. What purchase caused it to be frozen? It's usually not a one purchase deal. I'm trying to think of what pushed me over the edge to get it frozen. Certainly there were a lot of purchases leading up to it where there's a whole string of decisions that led to it being frozen, but was there one thing I bought that was actually like this is the tipping point. As Mr. Gladwell would say,

the stockyard, you don't think that was it? I probably shouldn't ought to gone and bought the stockyard. I had Venmo. With my Van Mo. And all the baseball cards. In the memo field,

you just have 700 cow emojis. Mm-hmm. How many emojis can't we fit in there? We haven't found out yet. In purebred dogs. I was addicted to those things. I can't have a yucky dog. Uh-uh.

I don't like that. There's nothing better than a purebred dog. Oh my God. The ultimate status symbol. I can buy a dog. Buy a nice, clean, healthy. It's got an exact. I can treat.

The blood line. And that is so crucial to me. I love studying a dog's blood. Oh, yes. Making sure it's real. It's molasses. He probably thinks it's molasses. He probably thinks it's molasses.

I mean, the precedent would powerfully suggest. If history is my teacher. Thinks that the blood is molasses. The dog's blood is molasses. Well, if it's a nice enough dog, it might kind of taste like molasses because it's sweet. Because some dogs are known to be nice, and some are for being mean and biting. Well, that's what makes these dogs so unbelievably pure. Oh, my gosh.

Is their blood has no platelets, none of this stuff. And their skull's too small for their brain. Yeah, is that true? That's one of the benefits. Is that way they always got to run around? going to a reputable breeder. It's because their brain is sort of popping out their throat. It's coming out through, yeah, through the soft palate.

That's so that makes sense. So I should stop telling my dog to shut its mouth. I'm waiting for the, whey. And I'm not seeing it. Okay, this guy's a crazy guy. Edgy, I'm just edgy. We're having fun. People love that.

Edgy? They love when the relief washes over them. It's bad. That it was all but a dream. He's going there. He's going there. It's bad. But was it?

Was it real? Do I really believe that? Hold up. Just jokes, folks. Mm-hmm. Just jokes. Does he really think this? Is he disguising some of his real opinions behind some of the jokes?

Mm-hmm. You know, these are the questions that the audience has to ask. You're challenging them, aren't you with? Yeah, I am. I got another impression. Can I do it? I've never done it, ever. Let's hear it.

This is Tony Pinchcliff. Hmm. The other day, I was in West Hollywood And I thought, uh-oh, there's probably gay guys here I'm gonna pinch you So at the end of the joke Ish, he pinches the audience or he threatens to him now He's nervous, he's anxious about that

And that's why he said, uh-oh Is he part crab? Is he? He's like a part of a lobster. Lobster, okay. He looks like a freak. My mistake, yeah. All right. Want me to do another one?

Yes, please. I was at the, I was eating rice the other day, and I thought to myself, uh-oh, here comes a Chinese person, I bet. Gonna pinch you. And he's going to pinch us at the end. Okay. He's going to pinch us or the guy, the gay guy and the Chinese guy? If they're there.

The audience. He's actually just nervous. He hasn't seen them. All of them. Audience is getting pinched. Well, that is doing what we're talking about in terms of introducing some danger to the audience. It's very edgy to pinch the audience.

Individually? Yeah. How big's the room? Huge. Wow. Yeah, he's famous. Very famous. Long time between jokes.

Yeah. But people love it. Can I do another one? Oh, yeah. I insist. Yeah, please. Okay. The other day, I was eating a bagel.

Mm-hmm. And I thought, better hold on tight to this one or else a Jewish guy's gonna get it gonna pinch you okay so there's different guys wait going back for what I almost feel like I need another one now to make it I'm curious yeah

another one would help me I don't know I don't know if he knows about any other kinds of guys okay ready Yesterday, I was at the fried chicken store. Oh, my God. Guess who I was thinking might be there. A black guy. Oh, my God.

Going to pinch you now. Oh, God. The pinch is a relief. Because of how fucked up, what he says is? Well, just that I mean, yes, because I'm here. I obviously bought a ticket or something to this show. I feel like somebody better pinch me. I just got, like, Melissa is not doing this stuff.

Well, that's where we're different is I do messed up stuff. Okay. Some of it is really out there. Which, like, which one was your favorite? Which one of Tony's jokes or which one of the impressions? Tony, this is Tony Pinchcliff. But what, I need to know which one to close on, or if y'all have any ideas, that'd be great. It's tough because I think it was, the first one was my favorite, but only because I felt

worse and worse as it went. Every single one after that felt worse. If that were the thing that you closed on, then it might be my least favorite. That's probably right. So it was fresh in the beginning. The closer is always going to be the one that I don't like more than the others.

Is that like the rules of comedy or is that just for you? It might be specific to this character. bang well I got other ones one more alright well let's hear it

I was I was at the taco truck oh you have other there's more Tony pinch I assume there was another character or another impression there's just another Tony Pinchcliff Joe I got other guys

okay let's do that okay I just got to Well, hang on. Who was at the truck? We're not going to get a wink of sleep today. Whatever. We'll talk about it after the show.

I can do a lot of them. I can get out a lot of them. Yeah. The other impression. Yes. Rod. Rod elbow, Dangerfield. Rod elbow.

Oh, because it's me. Rod elbow. It's a different joint. Dangerfield. Yep. Want me to do one? Yes. Yeah.

My wife. Mm-hmm. She goes, hey, Rodelbo. Uh-huh. It's actually pronounced Rodelbo. Rodelbo. Okay. Redelbo, Danger Meadow.

Yep. Wait, what was the last? Danger Meadow. My wife, Who's the day, said, hey, you, my elbow, do the laundry Because you got shit, no, you got shit in your underwear. I said, I get no respect. Now kiss my elbow.

Okay. Sound a little like Andrew Dice Play-Doh. Hey Nicry-Digridac Nice went down the clock He said to Miss Tuffet Fucked my butt hit And then

Some Play-Doh to make stuff with Don't They put their names into the act more Like More than the original characters did For sure Like he wasn't usually talking about Clay I don't remember Rodney Danger

feel they were being like, now kiss my knee. Yeah, that's right. With pinch cliff, it kind of worked for me that he would say, it doesn't talk about. It was a release, yeah. I agree it didn't occur to me at the time. But Tony Hinchcliff doesn't talk about hinching. No. After every joke.

It's true. I haven't heard all of them, but I know that he doesn't say it after every joke. This actually put a little bit of a spotlight on something that maybe was. was more off about that first character that I hadn't recognized. And now that I'm seeing that everyone is using their name for part of the material, I'm wondering if we need that. Well, we do. We do.

And I think what we've learned here, what I've learned is that I should probably close with Tony Pinchcliff. You think so? Yeah, and do the other guys before that. And treat Tony Pinchcliff as one large joke. instead of a bunch of little, like, good, like, little jokes. I mean, the other thing you could do is just go back to school. What grade? Oh, this is giving me a movie idea.

What is it? Well, I want to make it with Hayes. Because I think the natural reaction is, like, you go back to school for, like, one grade. Right? Yeah. You just do the one. Okay. I can tell what Sean is thinking.

What if you went back to school and went to 9th and 10th grade? Right? Simultaneously. Every other class. Sort of like a combined class because they're not as many teachers at the school. So you... Small school. Yeah.

Is there any hot teachers? What about this? Okay. There's one hot teacher. Mm-hmm. John Cena. And he's the principal. So, okay.

So is there, what's the, is it okay for him to date the student if, because they're kind of the same age? What if, yes. It is? Yes. Okay. The student is old.

Well, yeah. The student's old, so. That's why he's got to go back. They can date. It's fine. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's okay. As long as he's not allowed to see their.

grades. And that becomes like the big third act. He accidentally sees the grades. Don't even say grades. It stresses me out. Just thinking of making good grades. Was there anything worse than having to make good grades? When am I even going to use having good grades?

Yeah. I tell you right now, I've never used trigonometry. I'd love to go shake my younger self and say, forget about the good grades. You're not even using this. Yeah. What you should be working on is original characters. Yes. Tony Pinchcliff.

And Andrew DePlateau. Sales. How to sell stuff? Ellen De Stingy. That's the opposite in ways that others were synonyms. But it does make me want to go back and make all the other ones opposites too. Ellen Decharitable? Yeah.

So what's one of her jokes? I don't you have to get up. You ever try to walk at the beach? You get that beach walk, that sandwalk. Oh, yeah, no, I've done it before. Trust me, it just looks a little funny because I'm on sand. And then, get me. Oh, here's $50.

Bye. Lisa, tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Wanu. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast. The True Crime Comedy Podcasts, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week, I bring on a... an amazing guest. Ooh, I scammed them. What?

I could talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to Scam Goddess on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Carrie Champion, and in this new season of biggest rivalries of all-time podcast, we take you back to the very first rivalry of the WNBA. The comments were to real deal.

I mean, come on. The Liberty was just tough. Oh, God. The New York Liberty versus the Houston Comets. When we hit the floor, it was hot, heated, fights, elbows, competition, trash talking. Who is the better team? People live, but numbers don't. Listen to biggest rivalries of all time on the I-Hard Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, everybody, it's me. This season on my podcast who's with me, I speak with Bruce Lee's daughter, Brandon Lee's and my friend Shannon Lee. Back to your initial point of stewarding my father's legacy and giving my energy to that. You're lending your life to stewarding somebody else's life. Listen to Who's With Me with me with Debbie Chmell on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, it's Bobby Bones. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday on our podcast. Lots to say with me Bobby Bones. and Matt Castle. You're in training camp, and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media.

Suddenly, everybody online says he should start over you, week one. How do you handle this? You just go back out to practice the next day and wait for him to mess up. Listen to lots to say with Bobby Bones and Matt Castle on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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