Hollywood Handbook - Wild Horses, Our Close Friends

Episode Date: March 13, 2017

Hayes and Sean are joined by MARY HOLLAND, LAUREN LAPKUS, and ERIN WHITEHEAD to talk about doing comedy as a group. This episode is sponsored by Casper Mattresses (www.casper.com/handbook) and ZipRecruiter (www.ziprecruiter.com/first).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So I'm there, you know, down in the little sort of ditch that they've dug on the field of play. And it's me, it's Chris, Tamburello, CT. It's Johnny, Bananas. It's Ashley, Kay. It's Cara Maria. It's Darrell. It's Cara Maria. It's Darrell. It's Zach.

And, you know, I'm looking at these people, and it's Camilla. And I'm going, you know, we're there. We're the Nasty Nine, and it's Invasion of the Champions. We're about to come in and just totally invade the game that these rookies think they own now that they've won their way into the Oasis. And I go, guys, I'm going to hang back. And they're like, what? And especially Ashley Kaye is like, what?

We can't do this without you. And I'm going, I think it should be the Elite Eight. I don't think it's going to be fair to these rookies. Like, to be the best, you've got to beat the best. We know that. And I think that's fair. Yeah. So you are saying that you are going to not play.

Yeah. But you came all the way there. That I came there, that I've been training, obviously. They had, you know, GoPros on me in America. I was there in Thailand. And I flew all the way out there. But you think it should be the Elite Eight. I think it should be the Elite Eight because I honestly think it wouldn't be fair.

It should be the Elite Eight. Because otherwise I'm going to come out and it's going to be all eyes on me. It's going to be the Nasty Nine but it's really going to be the Wonderful One. And that's going to be me. And if I let it be the Elite Eight, all of a sudden there's sort of different dynamics that you can play off of other than all eyes on me. And if I let it be the Elite Eight, all of a sudden there's sort of different dynamics

that you can play off of other than all eyes on me. So what happened? They do the show. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet linebacker hallways of this industry we call showbiz. A special thing that we have done for the show today

is we have wild horses on the show. It's a mega corker. Yes, and the thing that is so interesting and special to me about you guys compared to some other people is that there are so many of you. Uh-huh. Yeah. And more than one. Everyone's got an opinion. Yeah, we all, you know, people think

we all look alike and like that we're all the same, but really we're so different. It's crazy. there's almost two different types of you guys yeah absolutely yeah we embody diversity in a way that

yeah we really do I love you talk about the opinions I love these like groups coming together to make something

to make art together may I may I yes collaboration is a tough pony to mount but a fun one to ride.

Yeah. Wow. Wow. Well put. It's hard to mount a pony. Horse. It's a tough pony. Oh, gosh.

Ponies are smaller. And she's punching me up. And now I have an opportunity to go, hey, stop. It's got to be my idea. Or I can do what some of these wild horses do and collaborate and go, well, maybe that is a good idea. Maybe I'm going to take, okay, Lauren made my thing better, and the next time she talks, I'm going to jump on her.

And it would be good for you guys to say who you are so he doesn't have to guess because you got that one wrong. Would you do it? Yeah, it's just like which one is which. I know you're guessing. Who's doing what? Yeah, I know which of the horses is which. Okay.

But you have to say who you are so we can. Okay, great. Yes. Stephanie Allen. Okay, good. I'm Lauren Lapkus. Okay. I'm Mary Holland.

Okay. And I'm Erin Whitehead. You talk about opinions. I love the quarrels, the little lovers quarrels. The quarrels, the queries. And I'm Dale. And I'm Dale. You, the little lover's quarrels. The quarrels, the queries. And I'm Dale. And I'm Dale. You remember the Rescue Rangers?

Oh, yeah, sure. That's another group, I guess. Rescue Rangers. Bandale, when the danger. They should do that like the DuckTales. They should do it. They should get BB-8 in there. They should have BB-8 and you guys in doing that like they did with the DuckTales. They should do it. They should get BB-8 in there. They should have BB-8 and you guys in doing

that like they did with the DuckTales. We were in talks actually to do some robots in the Star Wars franchise to like invent some robot characters. Give me a crazy noise. Give me a crazy noise. Okay.

Okay. And that's pretty good and I could see that. I could see why they don't want. Are you going to punch that up, or? Oh, yeah. That is better. No, I like yours better. But yours went up.

Well, okay, hers was a better noise on its own. But think about it in the context of she's next to BB-8. Yeah, I like that yours was a classic one we've heard in other movies before, so we wouldn't really care about it. Yeah, because you don't want to necessarily steal the spotlight from the main robot. You want to compliment them. So you feel like we'd be cast as sub-robots. I just can't.

I mean, it sounds fun. Like, I would love to take a part. Do you know what I'm saying? Where, like, you're not the star. Because you get to explore. Yeah, you get to make choices, make big choices. Right. And, like, have a whole backstory that no to make choices, make big choices. Right.

And have a whole backstory that no one knows about, which is so much more special than when it's shown on screen. Yeah. And the books. They talk about you in the books. Yes. There's a whole book about just your character, but you are not in the movie that much or maybe at all. That's true acting. That is true acting. And you make a crazy choice where you just go like, I'm going to be eating gum the whole time.

Eating it, like sw. Eating it? Yeah. Digesting gum. Your insides are, by the way, being destroyed, but nobody knows throughout the movie. If that's even how robots' bodies work. Yeah. Or if there even is any. Maybe they like to eat gum. That's what I'm saying. Everyone's got an opinion.

And that's where we're different. Do you see the dynamic that kind of forms there? I love watching this and this just little lover squirrel. It honestly is fucked up in a way that's very appealing. People are saying that Charles is in charge, but I think as we move forward, that really Quarles is in charge. Which people are still saying that Charles is in charge. As we move forward into 2017, we are watching this be the case that Quarles is in charge now. Absolutely.

Quarles is in charge. Quarles is in charge now. Absolutely. Quarles is in charge. Yeah. Quarles is in charge. Quarles is in charge of our days and our nights. This is more what we want the show to be. I want Quarles in charge of me. Someone said Charles. I like that.

That's an interesting push and pull. That someone did say Charles. I like this and I want more. That's part of the quarrel is that one of us won't say quarrel. It is. It's like a fun thing we play with where I often forget the joke halfway through. It is like a magic trick. Isn't it like a magic trick?

Uh-huh. Yeah. Just someone saying something and then you create something else that's music. It is like a magic trick. Yes. To be able to connect a word to a song with the same word and to sing that song

for a while, to me, that's magic. It is like the four horsemen. I wonder, this is what I like to do. I like each of you to tell me in your group dynamic

and the terms of the way you settle arguments is which one of you is each of the four horsemen from Now You See Me. Yes. And Now Two See Me

and Now You See Three. And also which one of the hangover wolf pack that each of you is. Okay. Ah.

So in Now You See Me I would say that wolf pack that each of you is. So now you see me. I would say that Aaron is donk. Donk. I love that I'm such a donk. Can't stay out of his own way. I think Mary is...

He does the cups. He shuffles the cups around. I think Mary is splin. Oh yeah, okay. Splendid., yeah. Okay. Splendid. Yeah. The escapist. I think Stephanie is Charles, not to make a callback to what you were just talking about. No, it's one of the four horsemen.

So to not say that would be insane. Yeah. And then I think Lauren is Deadpool. Oh, yeah. I love when he's in there. I love when he invades movies now. It's so great. I mean, now that's a franchise, right?

Yes, yes. Now that's a franchise, finally. Deadpool freezing the movie and showing up. I'm glad none of you took Hayes' because Hayes is J. Daniel Atlas. I am J. Daniel Atlas, the lover and the leader of the group. Sort of a street illusionist. John is Merritt McKinney, the psychic.

And Ryan will get very upset if we don't assign him one of the four horsemen, and he will drop the episode of the toilet. So you can be— And it is like a—you print it out onto a sort of document or something, and he puts it in the toilet, or how does he put it? It's a document that has to stay dry. Yes. So he knows just how to ruin it. So would you like to be Hen Henry Reeves or Jack Wilder Jack Wilder

yeah no shit yeah no shit Sherlock this fucking dude thinks he's Jack Wilder he's so Henry Reeves so now

we've moved on to the the wolf pack which is in terms of dynamics it's so interesting yeah

we have Phil we have Stu we have phil we have still we have tommy yes yeah luke dave yes yes steve bannon um i think i'm the baby that the baby yes from halloween costumes i've seen yeah yeah i'm really funny i here's what i love i love when guys A quote movies B go as movie characters for Halloween C talk about movies all the time

or D love movies yeah speaking of Doug's as a movie man one of the hangover characters who gets lost

on the roof I know another Doug who loves movies you have to meet this guy Lauren oh honestly why cause he loves them cause I love You have to meet this guy, Lauren Why, because he loves them?

Because I love when guys love film This guy is so This guy loves movies He loves movies, he's so zooted He's on the friggin' moon He's zooted He's zooted, he's on the friggin' moon Outer space

He's lifted, shifted, higher than the ceiling Yes, he loves doing that He's so friggin' zo, but he still is able to. He's chiefing the kind buds. Oh, God. He's pure Chiba Hawk. And he's still able to kind of say funny things about movies and be funny. And he's cool.

He's hip. He's high. He's young. He loves movies. He's young. You know, and that's important to me is young. He's got, he's young, he loves movies. He's young. You know, and that's important to me, is young. He's got to be young. Yeah.

I know. Mary, this is great, because I have another guy who loves movies for you that does a podcast. Is he young? Have you met Leonard? Leonard? Yes. No. Is he young?

Yes. You're going to flip your shit. How old is he? Leonard Maltin? Yes, Leonard Maltin. Oh, Leonard Maltin of Maltin's Movies. Maltin's Movies, yes. He loves them. He's as fresh as a Maltin. Oh, Leonard Maltin of Maltin's movies. Maltin's movies, yes. He loves them.

He's as fresh as a baby. Yes. Oh, yes. We love a fresh baby. He loves games. He's so into games. You know, I don't do games. What, playing games in a relationship?

Don't even get me started. He plays the Maltin movie game. I'm straight up. You're straight? Straight up. Okay. He's straight, starting now. Yeah.

And so is Leonard Maltin, you know? But he does play the Maltin movie game in relationships. I've heard that. What's the worst game that's ever happened to you in a relationship that somebody played on you? The worst game that's been played on me? Probably thumbtack on my chair. Like I'm teacher. Probably sat straight on thumbtack, shot up in the air.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, gee. On my rump. Now, that's a mind game. Center of my rump. Center of your rump. That in the air. Oh, my gosh. On my rump. Now, that's a mind game. Center of my rump. Center of your rump. That's your asshole. Oh, yeah.

But that's a hot relationship. Not for him. Yeah. It's not perfectly centered. Yeah, well, I'm on a new exercise routine where I am trying to get some sort of symmetry there because the center right now is very much just the right cheek. And the left is non-existent.

But anyway, yeah, that's probably the worst mind game that's been played with me in a relationship is thumbtack on the chair like I'm a teacher. Right in the anus. What is it for some of you guys the games? I had a guy teach me how to jump through a hoop of fire. What a waste of time. It's like, do you love me or not? Are you going to use that skill? Is that skill going to be applicable? Well, when people clap, I still know how to jump through a hoop of fire. Wow. What a waste of time. It's like, do you love me or not?

Are you going to use that skill? Is that skill going to be applicable? Well, when people clap, I still know how to jump. So yeah, I would say, yeah. You learn something from every relationship. Woo! Oh, wow. You're having so much fun with it.

That was six feet in the air. Did you see that? Did you see the fire just light up? That was insane. Well, I didn't want to get beaten, which is what happens if you don't jump when you're clapped. That's a mind game. That's a mind game. That's a mind game.

And this reminds me of the song Ring of Fire. I would think you would sing Ring of Fire off of that, but that's why I'm not the song singer. See, I did that. I jumped through a ring of chains and they'll rescue rangers to bend their head and a dander. So good.

Oh my God, worst mind game ever been played on me. Oh, my God. Worst mind game ever been played on me. Too many to count. I've been in so many relationships. She's always dumping or getting dumped. You know, they call me the dump truck. Oh, no. Who calls you that?

Your parents? My parents, my cousins, my dad. Oh, no, your cousins said it. Wow. My therapist. Your parents all know. Oh, Mary, not your boss's best friend, too. No, it does. my cousins your therapist my dad my dad said it wow my therapist my therapist oh Mary not your boss's

best friend no does does did will do again you know it and I know it

the dump truck Mary's the dump truck we call her the DT we call her the DT to be cute which I like because it's kind of like downtown

I'm downtown I'm a downtown fart downtown dump truck Mary downtown fart's gonna give it to ya downtown fart. I'm a downtown fart. Downtown dump truck Mary. Downtown fart's going to give it to you. Downtown fart's going to give it to you. Downtown fart's

going to give it to you. Yeah. I like that they never get to the... Well, no. It's all about the amp up. It's all about the amp up. I've been dumped

so many times. Anyway, I mean, the worst thing, what to do? What to do or say? I choked on a bunch of peanuts at a festival

oh no that's a mind game yeah I can't believe some guy that can be a mind game you do that and you know what I wasn't even with anyone

oh my god what a fucking I love going to the festival yeah and I do too the fest yes lately I have been going

to the festival just by myself yeah a lot it's good to do fest for me is a national holiday yeah Lately, I have been going to the festival just by myself. Yeah. A lot. It's good to do. Fest for me is a national holiday. Yeah.

And if people don't appreciate that, then get away from me. Because I'll get my own wristband, and I'll go backstage. You will. Oh. I can't get backstage. Oh, yeah. No, I've started to go. But you're not going to be able to go alone for very long.

Because Goop wrote it up. Goop talked about the fashion world. Goop. Goop scooped it. Goop scooped it. I can't tell you how many islands she's ruined for me that I used to go to. Skull Island. Best Island. Skull Island.

Lonely Island. Kong Island. Puzz Island. Paradise Island. Jade Egg. She ruined the Jade Egg. Skull Island. Lonely Island. Kong Island. Puzz Island. Puzz Island. Lonely Island. Paradise Island. A bunch of jade eggs. She ruined the jade egg. That was mine. She scooped it.

It's mine. She scooped out your puss? Yeah, she took my jade egg out of my vagina. And scooped it out. And scooped it out. She literally goop scooped me. You got goop scooped. What a mind game.

Anyway, that's the worst one for me. Yeah. Yeah. I think for me, the worst mind game, I dated a guy who would only let me listen to Quad City DJs. That sounds like a fun. Is that a mind fuck? And that's what you think. What a tease.

And that's what you think. And then I just don't even. I can't. She doesn't like that. You don't know that one? No, I know that one. Oh, okay. It's one of their most popular songs.

No, I know it. That's one of the top songs for them. It just sends me into kind of a PTSD. That's probably the third most popular Quad City DJ song. For me, yeah, I've already said mine. Do mine. Oh, Hazes would probably be that riddle where the doctor is a lady and it's the kid's mom. Yeah.

I remember that really tripped him out for like a month. Yeah, because it tricks you into being a sexist. Yeah. Well, and he doesn't want to be that. Mary, it seems like you don't know. Here, let me do it for you. Yeah, no, please. There's the doctor.

Uh-huh. And the person is sick. Saying, help me. Start over. Wait, wait. Yes. Thank you, because that's is sick, saying, help me. Start over. Wait, wait. Yes. Thank you, because that's what I said. Yes, please.

Yeah. Okay. Number one, the doctor. Okay. Okay. Where are we? That worked. What an ugly pattern this is, that Hayes, the very mind game that was played on him,

is now doing it. It's the monkey's paw. To the dump truck. That's the only way I can break the curse. He's taking it straight to the dump truck, and it's like, hurt people hurt people, because he's doing what was did to him. Well, you know what? It's going to be dump truck. That's the only way I can break the curse. He's taking it straight to the dump truck and it's like, hurt people hurt people because he's doing what was did to him. Well, you know what?

It's going to be garbage soon because it's a dump truck and it's going to be done somewhere. Nothing stays whole for long in this little truck. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. But I would love to hear more about what happens. What do you mean? It doesn't stay whole. It doesn't stay yeah. But I would love to hear more about what happens. What do you mean? It doesn't stay whole. It doesn't stay whole. But then what happens? It becomes littler.

Oh, okay. But still whole. I mean, still whole, but it's littler. So it's not. So, but it's. Everyone. Look, if you're going to put it in there, then you're going to know it's not going to come out. The way you wanted it. the way you put it in.

It's too small now. It's going to be too small now. It's not whole. It's far. It is whole. It's miniature. It gets small. Yeah.

It gets small. Yeah. Because you belittle people. Whoa, whoa. Oh, no. I've heard about this. Okay, I belittle people? Come on.

We can stop talking in metaphors. We know what you, you're not a trash compactor, you're a belittler. No, you be little people. Belittle people, belittle people, big world. You be a few little people stacked up to one. That's right. I'm not be, I don't be little people. And we've all seen this, Mary.

Sacked up what? That you come in in a trench coat and you're sort of wobbling around. I'm cold and I don't know balance. And it seemed like maybe you're too little people. And you want the rated R ticket and we're like, we're not a movie theater. We're your friends, Mary. And your hand comes out of your stomach and goes. We are not a movie theater.

Just two, please. When all of a sudden your belly sneezes, you don't think we know that you're being little people. You shouldn't say two, please. Your belly button doesn't sneeze? The whole thing is that there's only supposed to be one of you. Why would you say two, people. You shouldn't say two, please. Your belly button doesn't sneeze? The whole thing is that there's only supposed to be one of you. Why would you say two, please? Please don't say two, please. Prove that your belly buttons don't sneeze, and I'll make you a hat.

Watch this. Right, I guess I owe you a hat. That was really quiet. No, it didn't sneeze. That's what I'm saying. It was such a quiet belly button. Nearly silent. Thank you, Stephanie.

It didn't sneeze. It made a sound. Stephanie, you prove that your belly button doesn't. I don't want to. Oh, Stephanie, please. What's wrong with Stephanie? I feel sick. I'm on the floor holding my tummy.

So this is a great segue to this doctor thing. The guy is saying, doctor, doctor, I'm sick. Where is he? Where is he? At work. And, okay, go ahead. Go ahead. I want to hear your version.

Because I have questions so you've heard a different version of this yeah I've heard a version two so in mine Stephanie the guy's saying doctor doctor I'm sick

maybe it's Stephanie in this case Stephanie is at the doctor she's saying I don't go doctor I'm sick and they say but my something about my dad

yeah yeah and his grandpa where's my dad yeah yeah and his grandpa or something where's my dad and his grandpa yes the kid is sick

yes it's a kid who's sick a dad brings a kid who's sick into the hospital they all go fishing no first they went fishing they're fishing three

and they're like my doctor's at work boys went fishing who was the doctor the wife yes they have a dog three boys went fishing

two dads and two sons everybody caught a fish is three you know yeah who's the doctor and the fish was a woman yeah the fish was a female a feminist fish you know can impregnate themselves and finding nemo the real version so if you read a science book about finding nemo the fish can be a girl doctor or a boy doctor. They can switch. And so that is sort of what the riddle is, I think, is that it is switching. A sturgeon you're talking about.

Yes. A fish can be a girl doctor or a boy doctor. When you're scrubbing up for sturgery, it doesn't matter what gender you are. It only matters that you freaking know how to go scalpel. When you're grubbing up for a surgery. Oh, no. The dump truck got me again. You got dumped.

I'll take it. Oh, God. Guys, why do we have so much fun? It's interesting that a dump truck is really, it's like at the construction site filled with dirt and it's dumping it out. But when you talk about it, when you say it, I feel like

Debris, boss. Debris. Debris. I want debris cheese! And it's that kind of thing. You're giving off more of like a garbage truck vibe. Right now? Like a truck. When you say a dump truck, I think it's like a truck that lives at the dump. No, here's the problem.

Here's what your problem is. And Mary, it's all what we didn't want to tell you ever, but we have to tell you now. Great. You smell like garbage, and so you're more of a garbage truck. Who wants to hear that? Well, are you asking the person on your second bottom half? Yeah. Who do you want to hear that? Do you want to hear that. Well, are you asking the person on your second bottom half? Yeah. Who do you want to hear that?

Do you want? Yeah. Guys. What? Yeah. Guys. Is it a little mouse? Do you guys have a beers?

Do you have a beers? Okay. Hang on a second. Do you have a beers that I can taste? Hang on a second. That we can taste. That I can taste. This is trouble. This That we can taste? That I can taste? This is trouble.

This is bad. I don't want to go back to jail. I can't go back inside. For the same thing, too. No, but if, no, I think these are little people, but not children. So you could serve either of them alcohol. Then why do they need to do this? What's the game here?

Please let me have a beers. Then why do they need to do this elaborate ruse? What's the game here? I could see if I was at the gate of a roller coaster. The R-rated movie thing also. It seems that they think that they are kids anyway. Yeah, that feels strange. If I was at the front of a roller coaster, then it doesn't matter. It's purely hype-based. And in that case, I could get tricked pretty bad by this and end up back inside. Yeah.

hype-based, and in that case, I could get tricked pretty bad by this and end up back inside. Yeah. But if they're actually adults, then none of this is necessary. And I'm saying this to you, Mary, because I want you to hear it. If you are two small adults— Never. Okay. Don't answer yet.

If you're two small adults, let's just say you could buy beers or movie tickets. How? Who? Give me a. Please. Please. Wipe your mouth. Okay.

And she revealed to have been wearing roller skates. Whoa. Okay. And I didn't see the skates when she came in. It looked like she was walking. I guess she was rolling. What are some of your big quarrels? Let's talk about making decisions. You really want to get back to the quarrels.

Making decisions is a quarrel. None of us can decide which room to each get in our house. That's not true. That's not true. Yes, it is. No, it's not true. That's not true. Yes, it is. No, it's not true. Erin's mad that she got the bunk bedroom. I got the observatory.

I got the library. Yeah, where the fuck did I get the bunk bedroom? Well, it has a bed, at least. It has two beds. I know, but neither of our rooms do. Mary just has a telescope. I just have all the books you could ever hope to read. All I need are the stars.

I do hope to read. We're really airing out some dirty laundry, huh? Airing. Hey, that's yours. I'm Jeff Truss. You're airing out dirty laundry. I'm airing out the laundry. Because you know what?

That laundry's been stinking too long, and I've got to get it up. Uh-oh. I'm tired of it. Oh, no. I've had laundry in my arms, and I'm tired of holding it. It's damp. It's dank. What did I start?

I'm going to say it. You're gleeful. I think it's fucked up. A bunk bed is for two small people. You should be in the fucking bunk bed. No, I shouldn't. I'm an adult. All right.

Mary, we've seen your ID, and it's a picture of the area beneath your neck and to your belly button. Right. With just the buttons of a trench coat. We don't even. Yeah, I'm a grown up. You're too tall to like be in the frame. Yes. Have you been to the DMV?

I just don't buy it. And I'm sick of it. I'm not selling it. I'm not selling it. But here's what's up. I'm sick of it because I've shared so many secrets with you. And if you're a kid, that's weird. Hang on.

You guys have shared secrets? Again, what the fuck? Yeah. What secrets are we talking about? That's weird. Hang on. You guys have shared secrets? Again, what the fuck? Yeah, we have. What secrets are we talking about? That's so bad. Erin was just telling me about how you guys have never shared secrets. Because that's like not a thing in our friendship. We all were like, no, we don't.

That's what makes it a secret is you don't share it. Oh my God. Lauren snorts Cheetos. Oh my God. Why don't I know this? Or why? Mary dyes her feet orange. It seems. For the same reason. For Mary dyes her feet orange. It seems...

For the same reason. For a way to exit. Yeah. It seems like this is maybe one big secret. Mary wants to trick Lauren into snorting her feet. Mind games. I don't play them. I do.

I'm the dump truck. You got dumped. Stephanie, what secrets have you been keeping from me? I don't feel so good. Well, you told us that a second ago. Well, my secret is... Oh! Oh, no.

See? Oh, no. Oh, my God. A boglin. The baby came out of her belly button. It's a boglin. I don't think that's gross. A boglin?

Yeah, a boglin emerged from her stomach. If anybody remembers those toys. It's a bog goblin. Don't remember that at all. I was feeling sick for so many months, and I didn't get my period. And I fucked the devil a few months ago. Oh, no.

Why'd you fuck the devil? His tail's so pointy. I guess he was horny. His tail's pointy. Is that what he used? I mean, the devil's horny. Look, I'm grabbing it. Have you seen the devil's dick? No, I used the tail.

And that's a good impression. He's horny, man. He's so horny, baby. He's so horny. Just like Austin. He's hot. Like Mike. Austin Scarlet from season one of Project Rebellion.

Oh, I love Austin Scarlet. He had such wet hair. What skin? Porcelain. Wet hair. Which one of the movies hair? What skin? What hair? What hair? Which one of the movies are each of you the awesome power?

I'm Lauren and I'm Goldmember. Okay. My name is Mary. I'm Spy Who Shagged Me. My name is Erin. I'm Gold Rush Shagged. My name is Stephanie.

I'm dying. And she's bleeding a lot of blood from where the boggling came out. Now, let's start with Lauren. What is it about Goldmember that makes you so attached to that movie, to be so obsessed with it, and to actually want to be the movie? Just Beyonce.

Her acting. Beyonce's acting. She's so good. Inspiring. You want to be. Can you hear it all? What was her name in that movie? Puss Galore?

Pussy, Pussy, Pussy Liqueur? Ryan? Pussy Liqueur. I love Pussy Liqueur. If I'm on a plane, that's what I'm ordering. Oh, my God. I mean, you can only get it in business class. The Pucker that they have on the back shelf at a bar.

The Pussy flavored Pucker. One time my dad found a bottle of that. Pussy Pucker? Yeah, I'll have a pee-pee. Give me that pee-pee. Oh, Pussy Pucker. One time my dad found a bottle of that. Pussy pucker? Yeah, I'll have a pee-pee. Give me that pee-pee. Oh, pussy pucker. Oh, Kevin. Just a dash of pee.

Okay, that's, are we really going to do this? Talk about this stuff. Oh, boy. My dad listens to this show sometimes. Well. Sorry, I'm sure he doesn't know anything about that. Lauren, just like I be little, you Beyonce. Sorry, Sean. Yeah. You're a Beyonce. I'm Beyonce. I don't want to think about that stuff Lauren, just like I be little, you be Beyonce. Sorry, Sean.

You're a Beyonce. I'm Beyonce. I don't want to think about that stuff with him. Well, he's probably drinking your mom's pee-pee. Oh, no. Oh, no. You guys, please don't do that. Aaron is airing it out. I'm tired of carrying

everyone's laundry around. I'm tired. I'm fucking tired. Please don't say that. Kevin, at least give us some ideas for what to do for the picture. Like funny things that we can do. Instead of just like taking a picture and being like you guys figure it out. Why don't you

have some funny suggestions. Picture us a funny picture for once. I would love direction. It is always like this. This is not just this week. It is always he just comes in and it's like, okay, you now you. And then later he goes pictures weren't funny. I'm so tired of pretending to be candid. It feels fucking fake.

What do you say? Like a spit take? Oh, yeah. Oh, great. Should we really spit water? That'd be fun. That's so gross. Let's ruin the table. Kevin's thing is always spitting. Everyone look like you're drinking and laughing. But I don't understand. Is it going to be a bunch of photos? Oh, that's pretty good.

Okay. Okay, Kevin, that's a pretty good idea. I'll get out of the way. Thank you. See? Now we have a really nice, funny photo. But you weren't in it. For the website. I just like that it's a good idea. Kevin, do another one.

Yes, what's another idea? Do a funny one this time. We do one serious one and one funny one. Yeah, Spittick one is serious. You pull each other's hair. Oh, really funny, Kevin. Oh, that's a really funny idea. Everyone's abusing each other's hair. Oh, really funny, Kevin. Yeah, very funny. Oh, that's a really funny idea.

Everyone's abusing each other. Let's hurt each other. Yeah. That'll be nice. Everyone's getting hurt, and he wants to see a bunch of, like... We'll do it. And see, now, like... Ooh, let's do selfies.

Stephanie... Kevin, take selfies with each of us. You don't have to degrade yourself like this. Just let us each pull our hair. Pull your own hair? That's kind of funny. That's kind of irreverent. Kevin, you really made them hurt themselves.

I really don't. I know there's this pressure to perform. This is what it is. In this business, and I think the pictures are done, right? Okay. And Lauren Lab, because his hair coming up in here

is going to be a big problem for anyone who listened to the long-running Howl ad. Do you want to talk about this? I want to talk about this because I get a lot of tweets about this, and I want to know, coming up in here is going to be a big problem for anyone who listened to the long running Howl ad that Earwolf Man Jack did. Do you want to talk about this? I want to talk about this because I get a lot of tweets about this

and I want to know more about it. It has captured people's imagination in an upsetting way. So I have the hair of the wicked man? It was one guy

who used to be on the show. He was a former 60s radio DJ named Earwolf Man Jack who took over doing a lot of the promotions for Earwolf content. But he was kind of an old guy. Unfortunately, he choked on a turkey bone. He swallowed it sideways.

He got swallowed sideways on his throat. He died. We brought him back to life with the use of a voodoo priestess or something. And when he came back to life, he was changed. So we had him do an ad. And when he did the ad as a changed, sort of zombified version of himself, he had some directive from a different reality we're not aware of where he was to eat the hair of the wicked man. Six pounds of hair of the wicked man. And the wicked man, according to him, was Lorne Lapkus, which I'm like, okay, I don't, you know.

And a lot of people out there who are not related, do not know him, are not related to this at all, are still like, this is important to me now for some reason. And I should tell Lauren about it. Yeah, it's got to come to her via tweet, even though it's an ad, a

required Howl ad done by a podcast that's just hanging by a thread. So you're just called the wicked man on Twitter? What's happening? They say they want six pounds of my hair. To eat it. They want to eat six pounds of my hair. Yeah, I don't know if I'm the wicked man or if the wicked man wants it.

No, you're the wicked man. Yeah, no, it's you. You're the wicked man, married to Don Truck, Aaron not the wicked man. Yeah. No. It's you. You're the wicked man. Married in a truck. Aaron, not the dirty laundry. Stephanie's dying. Stephanie's got a boggling come out of her stomach. Everything's fine down here.

Everything's fine. The baby just talked. Yeah. The goblin. The gobbling? It's fine. I'm the star of a new movie. I'm the star of a new movie.

What's it called? It's called Business Baby or Boss Baby or whatever. You don't know? Business Baby. Business Boss. Big Business Boss Baby. Looks like Alex playing Trump again.

Right? I mean, a baby who's a boss? I mean, is that not apt? Can we just talk about his character work? It's incredible.

His impression is so good. Oh, God. It's really good. The thing he does with his... Look, I don't want to take sides with this thing. I don't want to take sides, but Baldwin's is better.

It's subtle, but the thing he does with his mouth. He only does it every now and then. Yes. But there is sort of a thing he does with his mouth that really adds to the impression. If you really watch, he's doing something with his mouth sometimes. It's a very small change, but that's what sells it. It's something with the lips. It's a mouth thing. I feel like it's in his mouth sometimes. It's a very small change. But that's what sells it. It's a mouth thing. I feel like it's in his jaw area. And I like the security of someone to go

on a talk show and say, look, these people are saying that someone else's impression is better than mine. This does not bother me. Oh, he did it on a talk show? I saw some tweets about it. Yeah, somebody who's a millionaire to go on a late night talk show, talk about someone who was their coworker for six years,

and call them a guy from the internet. I love that. You know, that's real. That's raw. Don't we all want to do that? Yes. It would be scared of him and insecure to not talk about it, to be like bullied into not talking about it.

I'm going to ignore it. My trauma is going to come up again. I'm going to pretend there's not a hashtag that some at midnight fans are using that's hurting my feelings. I love a millionaire. I love the confidence of a millionaire. I love that really like

you can and should do whatever you want. I'm so tired of people who aren't millionaires having this like, I'm funny on Twitter. I went on a talk show and made a joke. No one fucking cares.

Yes, and he's setting people straight about who's a little pig and who isn't. Yeah. That's the fact of the matter. His kid. She was a little pig. She's a little pig. Do you, What do you wish Have we not all called our kids pigs at some point

Are we mad about this What are we mad about today This outrage Illegally recorded thing Where he happened to use something That we all do sometimes You call your kid A disgusting rude pig

Think of all the words you could have used. He didn't call her a fucking cunt or a whore. She says marriage. He didn't call her a dump truck. He didn't call her a twat. He didn't call her a fucking pig. A smart, clean animal. Twatty.

More like tweety. Were you hoping we'd all keep talking over each other for that one? Yeah. Yeah, that was one that would have worked really well, sort of emerging from a cough. So people could be like, did you hear that thing Mary said? People kind of like, it was swallowed up, but Mary said something really funny, I think.

It was sort of hurt. You know, but if you hear it isolated and clear, it's maybe not as strong. And that's a lot of my material as well. It's so many jokes. It's so many jokes are like that. Oh, yeah. You want to be the monster emerging from the ocean.

You don't want to just be like, I'm a monster. You caught me. It's when there's enough static that you're like, is this Boyz II Summer? Can I hear this well? Exactly. Can I hear this well? Can I? Oh, Seinfeld.

Well, can I hear this? Here he is. What's the deal with a napkin holder? Just hold your own napkin. Hayes wants to pause so he can just set the table. The rest of us can just leave the room, and Seinfeld can do his little routine. Great.

His little routine. Lights up. So, yes. What the deal with chips? Hayes, you're so funny. Give me the whole thing. I'll cut it up myself. Hayes, it sounds amazing.

I want a sheet of hard Doritos. Hayes, stop. And then I'll make the triangles. Hayes, stop. You're too funny. What's the deal with dust? Hayes, stop. Is it skin cells or is it coming from my hair?

Hayes, this is amazing. Regardless, I want more of it. Hayes. What's the deal with dust? We got to wait for it to form? I want to go to a dust store. Hey, Hayes, I can't take anymore. I'm going to die.

What's the deal with self-driving cars? Get me in one. Hayes, come on. What's the deal with Rodney Dangerfield? Stop. Is he with us? I haven't kept track. Stop.

What's the deal with water? Please stop. Is it H2O or is it coming from the tap? Knock it off. Knock it off. It's too much. Sorry. I'm so embarrassed. No, thank you. And he is fine with it. He honestly, like, we have talked about it and he, like, he is flattered by was a great impression. He is flattered by that.

Thank you. And it is because I'm a fan. Like, it's like. You can tell. It comes from a place of being a fan. Yeah. I mean, some of that stuff could be his jokes. Honestly, it's like, I thought you were doing his material.

I love the cars. I love, and, you know, that's the kind of thing that he would talk about is his self-driving cars. Yeah, right, in the cars. Yeah. He would bring that up. And the snacks. Oh, and then I started thinking, what kind of snacks do you eat in the car? You he's self-driving cars. In the cars, yeah. He would bring that up. And the snacks. Oh, and then I started thinking, what kind of snacks do you eat in the car? You eat these chips, right?

You eat these chips, yeah. But it is so funny how we just decided that they look like this, you know, in these, like, shapes. So this is, like, how people are, like, how are you doing this? How does this, like, where does this come from? Yeah, and it's, like, the law is, like, this chip has this shape. And actually, it does make sense if you kind of trace it back. And he's like a rebel a little bit. Is that regulated?

Is that shape regulated? I mean, who's monitoring that? And you could sing Regulators now. Regulators, they conquered the world. Regulators. Which regulator? Which regulator are you? Which regulator are each of you?

Yes, let's all go around and say I'm the enforcer Yes, okay I'm Maurice I'm the narc Oh, yes The one who narcs on the other regulators all the time Yes, that was a good regulator

Stephanie's sleeping Oh, she had a hard day She just gave birth to a boglin Everything's fine Oh, the boglin seems to be in good spirits No, I'm the Boglin oh they sound alike

like mother like Boglin mmhmm name me that should be a fucking shirt Phil Philip that's

Aaron just made a shirt I'm sorry like mother like Boglin that's a fucking shirt that's a shirt guys I'm gonna be rich richer than I am that's a fucking shirt you're a millionaire billionaire now oh now I'm going to be rich. Richer than I am.

That's a fucking shirt. You're a millionaire. Billionaire now. Oh, now you're a B? Now I'll be a B. Now you're in the B club. Now I be a millionaire. Now you a billionaire. What else is, what are we all doing today?

Ah, that's a good question. What's coming up for us? I've got a laser treatment in a little bit and then a peel right after. I'm getting my butt dyed. You are? What color? Unbelievable. Just to match the hair. Oh, is this another secret? How fucking fun.

Is this like another cheetah thing? It's not a secret. It's just like only my lover would ever know. Wait, you guys are lovers? No, only my lover would know. Who's your lover? I can't would know. Who's your lover? I can't tell you. Who's your lover? You've never brought anybody over to the mansion. I know.

We only hook up in the car. Oh. Wow. That's similar to what Ryan's got going on. Here's how this will be fair. Each of you say who your lover is at the same time. Okay. So no one is betraying anyone's trust.

No one's saying like, oh now I've told you my lover. And the other one is saying, oops, well now I know. So now I don't have to say my lover. I forget who it is or whatever. No. We're going to establish who your lovers are at the same time. And you guys too.

My lover is very, it's public. Everybody knows. That Carrie Ann Moss and I are in a long-term relationship, and for me to say it at the same time as other people would be a problem when I got home. I would be slow motion beat up. Okay. And it's obvious from my end that I'm married to tennis champion Steffi Graf,

and that, of course, I pork my wife when I leave this podcast. So that's my lover. No one asked. Okay, so you definitely call her a pig if you're porking. Oh, no. You call your kid a pig. Well, you don't pork your pig, though. You're porking her.

That's incest. That's a t-shirt. Now that is a t-shirt. We have two t-shirt. Now that is a t-shirt. Two t-shirts. And it is because I'm a fan, because I like Porky Pig. That's why my impression of him is so good. And he enjoys it, too. So on the count of three, are you going to count, or who's counting?

Who's counting? Well, Ryan's like the kind of rhythm expert. He's sort of like a rhythm beast. Are you guys ready? Yep. Three, two, one. Scotty Pippin. Okay, yeah.

You said Scotty Pippin. Yeah. I said my friend's cat. And I said Dale Chihuly, the glass. The glass wizard. Ah, no wonder. He makes amazing shapes. Rick Glassman.

He's the rich Glassman. Ah. We should have him. Rich Summer. We should have him too. We should have everybody. Who else should we have? We should have everybody on the show.

Yeah. Do you guys know anybody oh my god have you had Tom Cruise yet oh yeah oh wait you hook up with your friend's cat

oh are we back to that oh we're just kind of like focus on that oh are we just gonna go back are we like going back for the rest of the world okay I sort of thought

we had moved on but okay I guess we can talk about this thing yeah sure yes but Y-S-A-N yeah sure

yeah I fuck my friend's cat. What? Is it a devil situation where you use a tail? You fuck it? No, the tail is too limp. I couldn't get it in. Uh-huh. What do you do it with?

That's what she said. I finger her. I know I was here. And then she nuzzles my vagina. Oh. Whiskers are amazing. Ab-a-dee, ab-a-dee, ab-a-dee. That's bestiality.

It's better when you slow it down. Yeah, that was a slow-mo. Abadi, abadi, abadi. That's bestiality. Who is your friend? This woman who pays me to take care of her cat. Sounds like she's your boss. Yeah, she's my boss.

Boss baby. She's my boss. She's your boss, baby. She's a big business boss baby. Boom. Boom. Well, we used to do all these segments, all these kind of like great segments. We had all these like fucking segments and shit.

People asking questions, games we would play. We had a pop-up gallery. We had games. I know, but now this is it. Are you okay? We just walk in and just kind of feel around in the dark. Can we make up a game? Okay.

That could be fun. You could try. That sounds so sad. But Hayes doesn't want to do it. So everyone? Just thinking about the old games, it's just like, it's nice to think about, but also kind of sad. You know?

All these old games. I mean, it was almost a game when you were asking what everyone was going to do after this. I mean, you just put a theme song at the top of that, it's a game. That could be a good recurring game. Rest of your day.

You know what I mean? Yes. And then it's just like, we have fucking one of these dorks on the internet make the song. Yeah. I mean, honestly,

that's how you do it with podcasts. It's free. Dorks are free. Dorks are free. Dorks will work for free. Do you guys want to play that game Down by the banks

The hanky panky Where the bullfrogs Jump from bank to bank With the eeps Ops Oop Scoppidilly And the grrr

Everybody's here It's another secret I didn't know that song Down by the banks Of the hanky panky Where the bullfrogs Jump from bank to bank With the eeps

Ops Oop Scoppid Bedilly, and the Curb. Everybody's coming. Guys, guys. Ladies. Ladies. We can't afford the rights to this song. We cannot afford to have this much of this song happen. If I do, my mother will say,

did you ever see a whale with a polka dot tail down by the bay? We're going to bankrupt our podcast. Sky is going to want to steal that game, too. I don't know why that made me so sad. Well, you've never wanted to live by a bay. We've talked about this. And that's why. Because I can't stand to see the water.

Our house is in the desert. Yeah. Yeah, we love the desert. We live in Vegas. Vegas, baby. So easy to just, yeah, to set up your residency there. We're at Circus Circus. Oh, wow.

Yeah, we live at Circus Circus. We're doing our show there also every night. Every night. We sing classics and then we do improv bass. I hear you guys are spinning at Dre's sometimes as well. Dr. Dre's? Yeah, sure.

Yeah, at his house? Yeah, we spin there. Dr. Dre loves us. We do it on sit and spins. Yeah, we stand up on stage and we sit and we spin. What about Hakkasan? Have you guys ever? The Native American? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean, have we ever? Yeah. Okay. Are we playing Have We Ever? Let's play. Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Yes.

Have you ever needed someone so bad you can't sleep at night? I don't know this one. I mean, I don't know this one. Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right? This just missed me. All the time. I'm going to use the restroom. Yeah.

Nobody talk about me while I'm gone, okay? Well, it's so close to the end. I mean, should I hold it? Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. It will help you plug it up. He can't hold his node.

He can't explode. Hold his pee-pee. He'll have to let it out sometime. And that's from Forrest Gump. I know that. Mom always used to say, can't hold your pee-pee. That one I know. I can't hold my pee-pe while I play ping pong.

What's the Oscars next year? This is something that we always do on the show. Oscar predictions for next year? Scarlett Jojo. Scarlett Jojo. The best. Scarlett Jojo. The best ghost.

The nude ghost. Ghost in the shield what? Yeah. It is not finished. They don't say what she will do. I think Natalie Portman is going to win for Jackie from this year. Oh, interesting. So they'll bring her back.

Hugely overlooked, that perform. And if I was her dad, I'd probably call her Fatally Porkman. You know what I mean? Well, sure, you'd have to. If I was Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin. If I was Alec Baldwin, I'd call it a pocket pig.

I got the same Oscar prediction every year, which is, Kimmel's going to make us laugh. He's going to crack me up, make me laugh. I'm sorry. You think he's hosting again? Oh, yeah. They're going to. They're going to bring him back, right? No, no, no. They're going to go get him. Oh, yeah. They're going to bring him back, right? No, no, no.

They're going to go get him. Oh, no. They're going to go for somebody else. Yeah, they'll go get somebody else. He dropped enough jokes about, this was probably the last time I'll be here. Wink, wink. Yeah, yeah. But I think he knows.

And it's a little bit like, and then next time he can go like, okay, this is really the last time. Really the last, yeah. Now I can say anything vanilla. He's going to say, say like everyone else said no. They asked the other ones. Oh, that's a good joke. And they haven't used that in a couple of years. And it could be the video.

Them asking the other people. Yeah. And then Matt Damon's in it. And they're like. Matt Damon. And they are friends in real life. Yeah. But they, yeah.

So it's not me. Can you guys believe James Corden knows the words to all those songs? I mean, I think he practices. That's wild. I don't think so. I think it's off the cuff. I don't think he can. I don't think that's in the rules that you can practice like that.

I mean, he's a talent. Like, that's an overlooked talent. He's a single threat. He's a single threat. That's all you need these days. You got one move. You got to be good at one thing. Be a master of one. I hate these people trying to be single threat. He's a single threat. That's all you need these days. You got one move. You got to be good at one thing. Be a master of one.

I hate these people trying to be triple threats. It's confusing. I heard that when they were choosing who was going to take that slot, that someone who really pushed for him to the head of the network was Anna Wintour. I guess she was like a really big fan of his. And that is who I want to be choosing. Yeah. Sort of the next generation of comedians.

Yeah. And she's a one hit. She's a one hat. She's a one thing. She's a talent. She's just one hat. She's got the one hat. She's got many hats, though, because that's her passion. She makes a lot of hats.

But, boy, she only wears one. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, can I have a table for two, please? I mean, one. Okay. We're not at a restaurant, number one. You're sitting down.

Your friends are not the movies. One mimosa. Your friends are not the store, I guess, where you want to buy beer. This is what you seem to think, is that your friends are in a position to sell you things. My friends can be anything! No, your friends... You gotta go to the location. Yes, you have to go there.

If you want to try and pull this off, whatever it is, you have to actually go to the place where they sell the thing that you're trying to get. Ah, ah, Hayes is shaking me by the shoulders. Oh my god, he just ripped her in half. You keep your voice so calm while you're doing that. I'm ripped in half. Why do you have two heads?

Me too. Okay, you're obviously two little people. Hello. Hi. Wow. This is, I'm sorry, but this is crazy. Like this is the thing we always like don't talk about but kind of know. I don't feel that shock.

It fucks with our dynamic often. You don't feel shocked. You don't feel shocked? No, know I don't feel that shocked it fucks with our dynamic often you don't feel shocked you don't feel shocked no because we've been suspecting this expecting but we've never heard her admitting suspecting

expecting I've been expecting is one of you named Mary is like is there like the top one is there like Mary and then the other one

that we just don't see or are both of you sort of teaming up to create Mary well we're both Boglins yes sure I'm Mary gotta be this is Terry nice to meet you oh so Terry kind of lost Or are both of you sort of teaming up to create marriage? Well, we're both Boglins. Yes, sure. I'm Mary. Gotta be.

This is Terry. Nice to meet you. Oh. So Terry kind of lost out. I'd like to see another Boglin. Huh? I'd like to see another Boglin. Now, here is what I'm sort of starting to put together.

Stephanie's asleep, so we can't really check in with her about this. But it seems like Terry, you and Stephanie, there are some clues out there that you might have had something to do some sort of romantic with rendezvous and I said my lover

was Scottie Pippen she gave birth to a right but that's that's Mary that said that that's true but now we have Terry we have this new character

and Terry's only the genitalia yes but can you guys even tell us apart because we have the same voice it's very drastically different no us apart? Because we have the same voice. It's very drastically different.

It's so different. It sounds the same in your heads, but it's not. But it sounds kind of like it's the other Boglin. Yeah, but who's Terry? Who's Mary? Terry was the first one. Yeah, Terry. Terry was the second one.

You are Mary. And also we watched you get off each other. Fine, fine. Fine. I port Stephanie like a devil's tail. Yeah, okay. It's because there's so few Boglins around, you know.

Not anymore. We haven't seen Boglins in a while. One's a baby and the other is like an adult Boglin that thinks it's a kid. You'll see a Madball every now and then which is sort of like a Boglin. Madballs are great.

A Madball is a sport then, which is sort of like a Boglin. Madballs are great. Yeah. A Madball is a sport. It's an 80s toy that looked like different kind of monster-y faces. Oh, I remember that. You'll see a Madball every now and then, but not necessarily a Boglin anymore. No. Oh, yeah. Love toys.

Toys. Stuff that's from when I was a kid. Just saying it. Nostalgia. I'll buy it at any price. I'll fucking love it. Oh, yeah. Chip and Dale and everything.. I'll fucking love it. Oh, yeah. Chip and Dale and everything.

Retrojunk.com. Oh, yeah. Pull up the web browser. Home page, Retro Junk. Y'all ever watch the TGIF? I loved the TGIF. I felt so relieved that school was over for at least two days. They should bring BBA back.

Honestly, like they did with DuckTales, like they are going to do with Chip and Dale now. They should bring BBA back. Honestly, like they did with DuckTales, like they are going to do with Chip and Dale now. They should bring back BBA. They should bring BBA back to do TGIF, to do the Madballs show. If BBA was hosting TGIF, it was the Madballs show followed by Boglins, I'd be watching that at a restaurant.

Do you remember USA up all night oh god I loved USA hosted by Gilbert Godfrey yeah Gilbert Godfrey if BB-8 hosted that instead

and Earwolf regular I would stay up all night so I am gonna split that's the pee pee the pee pee you have to pee pee so bad you are going to split

in half I am going to. Too bad. Did it already. That has been a sort of biting off Mary's thing. The having to pee dimension is interesting. That was a missed opportunity for you, I think. What do you mean?

Why do you mean? Why? Because your characters didn't say anything about having to pee. They just split. It left the audience with a lot of questions. Yeah. Just like from a backstory perspective

it would be good to From a Backstrom perspective Why they're going to split in half. I fucked up. I didn't go to USC. Just from a Backstrom perspective I think it's important

to think about is my character using the bathroom? Is he a total dick but dick means detective but also he's kind of rude. You know? Is he Rainn Wilson?

Yeah. Well, he's gone for a couple episodes. That's good. Backstrom backstory, you know? This is all stuff that would be in the book of you. Right. Nerds would read that book and they'd love it. Yes, that's right.

Oh, man. Well, maybe that stuff is for the book. Why is she splitting? And the book is called She Has Pee So Bad. She Has Pee So Bad? She Has Two. Oh, okay. I like She Has Pee So Bad. I kind of like that, too. She Has Pee So Bad. She Has Pee So Bad? She Has To. Oh, okay. I like She Has Pee So Bad.

I kind of like that, too. She Has Pee So Bad. She Has Pee So Bad. Yeah. You get it. You want me to say that the show is over. I don't care. I'm just hanging out.

Let's all pee right now at the same time, then we can keep going for another hour. What's going on for me? Ready? Ready. Go. Hachi Machi, Hachi on for me? Ready? Ready. Go. Hachi machi, hachi machi, hachi machi. That is good.

I really like how you become Jay Sherman, the critic, when it's time to use the bathroom. I hated it. Yeah, I hated it. Two thumbs down. I hated all those movies. I hated it. What do you have,. Two thumbs down. I hated all those movies. I hated it. What do you have, Sean? I'm just reading a text.

What is it about lunch? I love getting into the real stuff here. You know, you don't often get to know what someone is. The real stuff. It sounds like when they're just reading a text. Can we? Why are we all performing all the time? Can we go?

No, it's not about lunch, but I got to say, Hayes. Right. This is going on. Right, so you want me to end the show. Whoa, let me see that. Give it to me. You guys have tickets or something. He's going to see the Clippers versus the 76ers tonight at 1230 p.m.

You're late. Yeah. Bye. I'm a horny girl wolf. This has been an Earwolf production. Executive produced by Scott Aukerman, Colin Anderson, and Chris Bannon. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Ow.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.