Hollywood Handbook - Will Forte, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

WILL FORTE auditions for The Boys to be a guest on the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. We don't need the song for it. We do it for the episode. It's like a pre. We do it for the episode. Yes. If and when we elect to do an episode, if we decide to use you, we will absolutely, you'll hear the whole song. Okay. Yeah. So what, I guess we've looked at your resume. Thank you for being early, first of all. Yes. Really early.

Of course. Really early. So this just doesn't air. Yes. Really early. Of course. Really early. So this just doesn't air. Yeah. No. Well, first, I guess we've been looking over some of your stuff. Okay. Some cool stuff.

We wonder what is it that makes you think you would be the right guest for our show? He likes to, I'm sorry. He likes to get right into it. I want to say thank you so much for coming. Thank you for being here. Of course, traffic can be a bitch this time of day. I live on the west side, so it's a long drive. But I've known you guys for a long time, so it's my pleasure to be here.

Absolutely. In a different context you have. And context is important in this case because you are, like Sean and I was looking through some of your stuff, which I thought was like so funny. Some of it was great. Some of it was really interesting. Even stuff that wasn't for me, I really respected what you were doing. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

But I don't see you on like the podcast. I don't get asked a lot. I don't get asked a lot. I don't get asked a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And why do you think that is? We're the first one through the wall on that.

But we've broken a lot of podcast guests. Well, that's why, I mean, I think that that's why I appreciate the opportunity to kind of let me show my wares and see if this could possibly go somewhere. Yeah. It takes one person giving you a chance. Five years, where do you see yourself podcast-wise? Just podcast-wise. I mean, definitely not, you know,

not in Marin category. Not where don't you see yourself, though? Where don't I see it? I mean, I don't see myself doing no podcasts. Okay. If that's the question, I feel like, you know, it might be niche, but I'll be out there. The mention of Marin, and I'm not calling you out, but I just wonder if the breadth of knowledge of podcasts is not really there. I don't know a lot of podcasts.

Okay. And so that's what I was maybe picking up from Marin being, so like when I hear Marin, I'm saying, okay, maybe this guy doesn't know a huge amount of podcasts, which by the way is fine. That's fine. And that fresh perspective can be really nice for our show, especially. By the way, I would love to be his assistant. The marinade.

Get it? Marinade. It's a word like a, you know, like a sauce. Yes. And this is the word like a sauce. Yes. This is the kind of stuff I can deliver. No, that's really nice. You can absolutely do that. And Jordan loved it.

And Jordan does a lot of Company Bang Bang episodes. They would do, obviously, that joke. I want five from you. He's been holding up his hand for a high five. I'm so sorry. God, it was a really long time. That's my fault. I got too excited.

I got more than just marinade. No, absolutely. No, absolutely no. And I wouldn't want you to show it all in the interview, but a little more. Joe Rogan has a podcast. Yeah, okay. He's very popular. Yeah.

Yeah. Are you into nootropics or any kind of brain enhancing? I don't know what. Mushroom coffee. Oh, oh. I mean, mushrooms. I've done mushrooms, but I don't. Oh, it's nootropics. Which one? Oh, geez. Chaga done mushrooms, but I don't. Which one?

Chaga, lion's mane. Oh, man. They got names? Yeah, well, yeah. Psychedelic mushrooms have names? Magic mushrooms? I just called them magic mushrooms. Actually, I don't even do that.

I just called them shrooms. It's the most efficient way. Shorthand, and that's great in a personal environment. Are there really names for... But for the podcast listener, right, they can't see us. They don't have all the context. So we try to use full names of the different psilocybin magic mushrooms. Okay.

Like Chaga Alliance Mane and the like. A third example, of course, that Hayes I'm sure has. Yes. There's the the the baby Papa Bella's. And this sort of thing. If this was the podcast, I'd say we'll edit this out. But of course, it's just the interview. Yeah.

But we love to sit down as much about the shrooms as you two very obviously do so that's that's not maybe i do have a ways to go that's not a requirement um but we just we love to have guests on the show but it has to be the right guest yeah and we uh this is we do this with everyone, by the way. This isn't like, oh, we have to interview Will just to see if he'll be good. You swear that you don't,

that you do do this to everyone. Everybody's got to jump through this hoop. Everybody. And even when they come back again, a lot of times they'll have to re-interview. Who are examples of people that you have brought in here who you've not allowed to do the show? Who have interviewed and not been able to make it to the actual... What's the guy?

Matchpoint, the ghost from The Beautiful Mind, Vision. Paul Bettany? Yes, thank you. Yes, thank you. Yes. Okay. Paul. Sweetheart. Paul Bettany? Yes, thank you. Yes, thank you. Yes. Okay. Paul, sweetheart, not going to sniff the mic on this podcast. Which you have to do.

Which you do. Okay. And we'd love to hear you just sniff the mic right now. That's really nice. That's really nice. And again, we got to get him in with this coronavirus thing. We have to get our big sniffs in. Now.

Do you know if somebody had hidden Paul and then exposed Paul, that person would be a Paul bearer. And now that is another famous... It's not as good as marinade. But it's similar. And you did say you had more.

I didn't know it was more on that exact same thing. But again, this is, I think, more about trying to get to know you rather than hearing the entire bag of tricks. I wouldn't feel pressure to be so funny and doing Paul Bearer. So just be conversational. I would say just be yourself. Okay.

Now, you had a question, I think, that you wanted answered. Just why he thinks... Yeah, Bill, why do you think you're the right fit just for this show? What is it that drew you to us? I mean, it's an interview for us too, right? Do you like what we are doing? I do like what you're doing, and it's not an interview for you. You passed my test.

I just like the youth and enthusiasm. You guys have always just struck me as fun. Fun and handsome. Handsome, just good. You know what you are? You're people I would like to be my brother-in-law. I want you to marry my sister. She's married, so don't get any ideas.

Her husband never dies. 50%, yeah. Which is a possibility. Then I would like to set you up with my sister do you guys you guys I know here

I'd say that you have like a brother-in-law now that you want to have killed no no that's so funny

but you feel like it's a spot that could be an upgrade I it's no no no because that happens don't put words in my mouth where you go this is a space in my life that could be an upgrade. I, it's, no, right? Because that happens. Don't put words in my mouth. Where you go,

this is a space in my life that could be occupied by a real, a plus. No, don't put words in my mouth. Mm-hmm. He's a great brother-in-law,

but like, you just want to be prepared. Yeah. For any eventuality. Okay. Okay. Not eventuality, but for any

certainty. True-ality. Mm-hmm. True-ality. Event eventuality. Okay. Okay. Not eventuality. For any... Certainty. Tuality. Mm-hmm. Eventuality. Do we want to drop Bill into some... Do we just want to do one? Just, yeah. Do we want to just...

Do one what? Well, let's... Just run through it. Let's try an episode scenario that could happen just so we see how it feels on its feet. Yes. Yes. Sure. So now would be a time to use the theme song okay oh and by the way just so you know it is will so just i've heard a couple bills

and okay if we're making an announcement you know if you're introducing me it's just it's will that is actually so this is so interesting that is actually the same name basically like you can say Bill this is so funny no and that's why I didn't stop it like as conversationally

it was fine because I knew you were looking at me and you know it's got the ill is it short for William short for Willis Willis

and in fact I used to be Billy until I was should we save this for the for in the show this is really good this would be probably our best episode if we we save this for in the show? This is really good. This would be probably our best episode if we

had got that conversation in the show. We didn't play the song, but yeah, I mean... So Mr. Will. I'm going to assume that I'm going to come up with other gold stuff, so let me just say the rest of this then. Great.

It used to be Billy until I was about five years old. And then I got teased at school because of Billy Jean King, was a very popular tennis player at the time, powerful tennis player. And, you know, I thought I came home and I was, you know, I'm like, oh, I don't want to have a girl's name. I want a boy's name. From now on, I'm Will. Yeah. So that to have a girl's name I want a boy's name from now on I'm Will so that's how you know

that's now I'm wondering if that's if that's even good for the show yeah well that's why my instinct too that's why I said it before you did the theme song yes yes that was smart that was a great instinct to get that off

before we started actually doing the show. doing some, you know, some pre-exercises making sure that my mouth can say all the sounds in the

English language. Absolutely. And we don't want to get into territory where our guests are saying like they don't want to be called the same name as like a lesbian

because, in fact, what we should be saying is I didn't want to be called, call me a lesbian. Oh, no, no. This is to show you the growth me as a person like yes you know super homophobic five-year-old and now i'm this evolved adult who's like hey bring it on me you know call me cynthia i don't care yeah yes okay and is that a famous lesbian that had nothing to do

with Cynthia Nixon okay that's okay to me it doesn't matter call me Margaret call me princess call me papaya it's just a word

it's just a name it's who you are it's what comes from your heart why do I call this a cup? Right. Why do I call this cup? Because other people call it for years. Because it's something you understand.

But to me, do I care what it's called? No, this could be Cynthia Nixon. To me, this could be, oh, let me have a Cynthia Nixon of water.

Yeah. You know, that's what Billy was. That's what Billy was. And that's what Billy was. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not why you were pissed. What's what Billy was. That's what Billy was to me. And that's what Billy was. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not why you were pissed.

What's what Billy was? Billy was just like the cup. Just like I didn't care. It was just a thing that happened back then. But you did change your entire name. I did change my name. Transform your identity. Yeah.

And then when I brought that back, that memory, you got actually pretty pissed at me. No, this was a learned anger from past experiences. This, no. Yeah. No, I'm not. Don't go there. Okay. And we're not, and I'm not there.

And was that, was that Trump that just showed up? Did Donald Trump just show up? That would be, cause that would be huge. Huge. You're fired. I can't believe we didn would be huge. Huge. You're fired. I can't believe we didn't play that theme song. You're fired. Get out of here.

I'm here, Mick Mulvaney. Hi, it's Donald J. Trump. J stands for John. Not anything longer than John. Wow. Just John. So cool to just not, right up top, be like here are like the impressions that i could

no i know that i brought it up you know go up the ramp then yeah jump the river like evil can evil damn so let's do one let's get let's rock yeah so we start with like okay stop stop stop we start you know we're like telling uh, we're in the process of telling a story. Should we even do this anymore, this part? Well, for this, for the run through, we can do it. But going forward, we can talk about whether or not to keep doing that. But now I think we should keep doing it. But I think we should stop.

So I'm going up and down dials. So we're Going up and down Dials Lost No not lost No no no We're selling We're at the baseball game

Selling rare coins Yes We're yelling It's me and Maurice Le Fay. Maurice Le Fay. And we're yelling out like,

rare coins here. Get your rare coins. Get your rare coins from Japan. Coins with Muppets on them. And then I'm looking at these and I'm like, these don't look like, I don't recognize

these Muppets. These aren't, they're Japanese Muppets? What kind of like, I guess maybe they're Japanese Muppets. I didn't know they had different ones.

I feel like they were just fake Muppets. I don't want to, I don't know where, what is safe necessarily in terms of even guessing a Japanese Muppet's name. Do you know what I mean? Like if I say like... I think you should guess one.

Is it rude not to guess? Like if I said like Kermito-san or something, like is that... Oh, that's okay. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. But because it's like so the most basic, uninteresting guess. Right, but if I were to do a really good guess,

it probably would be sort of dangerous. But... What? Were you... Did you want to guess one? No, let's introduce the show. Okay, we have a guest. Yeah, well, let's say this.

Welcome to Hollywood Handbook. Insider's Guide to Kicking Butt and Dropping Names in the Red Carpet Linebacker Hallways of this industry we call showbiz. What up, what up? Will Forte is here. Will Forte. Hey. Hey.

What's up, dude? How much? How are you? Yeah. Doing great. Welcome to the show. Thank you. You know, my name used to be Billy until I was five.

Okay, I feel a story coming on. No. Yeah. Okay, well, I was teased at school because of Billie Jean King being, you know, a very popular tennis player at the time. And, you know, she's obviously a woman. A Billie Jean's, not my tennis player. Yes.

She's just a woman who has the same name as I do. As you did. But a young manish woman. And at the age of five, I'm not okay with that. Because, you know, I got teased At school as a young man So I came home And said my name is now Will

I'm stepping outside of it for one second And we will get right back in I do not want to get back into the hole Now that I'm hearing it again The whole like the lesbian's name Is repellent to me thing. Like I don't. Oh, no, no. I'm saying. It's not. And it's not.

It's honestly, I mean this genuinely. It's not for us. We'll be fine. It is for you. This had nothing to do with sexuality, by the way. No, I know. This is just like, you know, just you know, weird

stuff as a kid. Yeah, calling it weird stuff. I mean, calling it weird stuff is like so dangerous. No, okay. Look, you're. And I may have primed the pump. You know, when I'm here guessing Japanese Muppets names, I'm kind of saying like we're one of these podcasts that does walk on the edge.

And we do touch the third rail. No, I know. But I think you're presupposing that that's where I'm going with this. No, I'm not. So I think we'll keep doing the show that we have been doing for a few years now, a couple years.

We do know what works. Okay. And what I think in this case is the same story. I love the area. The setup to me was like mouthwatering, but just a different reason. Okay. Completely different reason.

Okay. So let's do theme song, hit it. And that should be the only button. There shouldn't be any resetting or anything. Thank you. And then we just cut it out. Cut it out. Cut it out. Story story. Welcome to. Cut it out, cut it out. Story, story.

Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, Insider's Guide. Guide, kick butt. Will Forte is our guest today. What's up, dude? Used to be Billy. Used to be Billy. Holy shit. It's very fast. But I came home one day because I'm like, I want to be named Will because Will is a name.

It basically is like inner strength. Named Will because Will is a name. It basically is like inner strength. It's also, there's a, I believe that Lady Di, Princess Diana, will name her son that. I want to be in that crowd. Now that, okay. You believed at the time at age five that Princess Diana would name her son William.

I had the shining as a child. Let me get some of this runoff from Princess Diana's son's name. I mean, that's a lot of foresight. Yeah. And not only did you believe that would happen, you wanted it. I mean, I might have provided him with some, you know. Right. It's an exchange. Okay.

And also Will Wheaton. Will Wheaton? Will Wheaton? Will Wheaton, yeah. And he was... He was in Star Trek The Next Generation. When you were five? No, I'm... You were anticipating Will Wheaton as well.

I'm 49 years old. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is all anticipation. This is all ESP or, you know... Were you using this for lots of stuff, or was it mostly for the names people would have in the future? It's not really even a new name. It's all name-related.

Let me ask you this. It's how I came up with my name. Everything else, I mean, I would have played the lottery if I had those other, you know, those kinds of talents. As you're envisioning Wil Wheaton in Star Trek The Next Generation, you're five years old. Are you thinking, are you saying like,

wow, this is what the future will look like? Or were you able to understand? Thank you for using the word will and will look like, what the future will look like. See, all signs point to that name. And it's like, yes, Yes, the answer is yes. And it's also... So you didn't think, oh, this is a TV show.

You're like, this is how we are going to live. This vision that you're having of this little kid in a Star Trek suit. Did you think you were seeing the future? Like a future king.

Or a set from the future. Well, I thought that I was seeing just a bunch of parallel universes with one touch point. So this was that point when they all intersect. So it's the future, it's the past, and it is the present. Yeah. Present. Present, yes, present, yeah. Yeah.

And that's why they call it the present. And that's, yes. Yeah. Because it's a touch point To all of us Yes You know, to be here in the now Right Yeah Talk about some of these movies

Come on, I mean, like, all these movies You're gonna keep it a secret? Oh, my, my, the, my oeuvre? Yeah What's one of these? What's one of these? Beer Fest. I was in Beer Fest.

Uh-oh. Yep. It was the greatest beer in all the world. Okay, favorite lizard. Jay, Steve, Kevin. I love them all. I love them all. No, you must pick.

Oh, cop out. You have to pick your favorite lizard. I can't tear the tail off the lizard. Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Jay Chandrasekharan. Doug? Gotta be a Doug in there. I love all of them. All of them.

They were very, very nice guys. They were very fun. We'll come back to this. This isn't over. But nobody invited you to do a Tacoma FD, which is what they're doing now? No, they did not. And that's bullshit. That's fucking bullshit.

You already have the mustache kind of that they have on the poster. Yeah, and they did not invite me and that's, yeah, that rips me up. But I'm still, like, I'm here. I'm here and if, I will do it. That makes me mad.

But I love those guys as people. And I had a great, it was, I had a really fun time. On Beer Fest? We were in Albuquerque. And it was just a really delightful time. They're very, very nice guys. That was a long time ago. It was like 15, 16 years ago.

Boy, I want to feel old. Want to feel old. And you couldn't do that today. Beer Fest? No. Never, never, ever, ever, ever let you do this. With this right here? Never let you do Beer Fest.

What? This, the way it is now, you're not getting Beer Fest made. What? It's sad. It's sad. Oh, you're saying that the culture. Well, I mean, to be a movie in the theaters now it's got to be a uh you know big no avengers movie or something is that what you're saying i'm saying like dude not even but like yes but i'm also

saying like they're not letting you do that like Beer Fest some of the stuff Chugging Brewskis on screen have you ever have you ever seen it have you seen that since have I seen have you ever seen a movie that is that much about beer because I had like a

DivX file since Beer Fest came out have you ever seen another movie since then that is almost the whole thing is about beer I will go out and I will say that that is the most beer that I've ever seen in any movie and I think we all stand behind that

can't do that again yeah what's another one of these you've done a couple did a movie called Brothers Solomon Yeah. What's another one of these? Boy. Another one. And you've done a couple. I did a movie called Brothers Solomon. Don't hold on to me. Yes.

Yes. Brothers Solomon. You and Matt Damon are joined at the hip. Yep. Me and Matt Damon. Siamese twins. Go get it on DVD. Go get it on Super 8.

Uh-huh. No, it was me and Will Arnett. And, yeah, it was. It's a fable. It's something of a modern fable. The greatest brother in all the world. What? It was something of a modern fable.

Yeah. Who's the dad? Who is the dad? Who plays their dad? Oh, Lee Majors. Yeah. Six Million Dollar Man. Yeah. Yeah their dad? Oh, Lee Majors. Yeah. Six million dollar man. Yeah.

Yeah. Dead? No, he's still alive. You're sure? I'm not positive, but I mean, I'm not even sure my dad is alive right now, but he is. Okay. So we're getting to six. I'm just saying I didn't talk to my dad today.

Okay. No, let's step out. Let's step out. I mean. And that was going okay. Yeah. What was that thing? I don't feel. and that was going okay yeah what was that thing but what was going on at the end

with major stuff and that you're not sure that your dad is alive I'm just saying at any second life can change and that could be in any universe so you have like this like universe stuff. Yeah.

It's not accessible for our listeners. A lot of our audience is babies. What's wrong with the universe? Well, but it seems like you're talking about really a multiverse. Yeah. No, I guess I am. I do want to

just drill down on the dad thing because I am just like putting different pieces together earlier you were sort of implying that you wanted someone to kill your brother-in-law no that's not true that's your own bag you said you were not only that

but you were trying to set up one of us to be ready to marry your sister in the event of because I think you guys are great guys. Yes, it was an offer. If it's not my sister, I'll start looking for single women for you guys to be with. Or are you guys gay? Are you?

Is that the gay stuff? I also have some wonderful gay friends. Fine if I was, but I am married. Oh, you're married? I am. I didn't know that. Congratulations. How about you?

Are you married? I'm also married. Also married? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So it's a long list. I am married to her.

Yeah. But she is not married. Both married to women. I am. Yeah. I am her husband. She is not my wife. It's this new kind of, you know, Carrie Ann Moss from.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. You would bring up, obviously, Billie Jean King three or four times in the show. I am married to Steffi Graf. I have not. We have not shared residence for some time. Wait, is Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi still married?

Well, that's. Were they married? Thanks, Will. That's a whole. Thanks, Will. That's a whole... Thanks, Will. That's great. Oh, so you're not joking. I love to talk about that.

Yeah, because it's... Wow. Yeah, no, it's a little uncomfortable because Andre is... He's really settled in there. And so, yeah, no, I've talked about this before. Yeah. Is if there were... So that's not interesting.

No, no, no. No, no, no. That if there were. So that's not interesting. No, no, no. No, no, no. That is very interesting. But I'm just saying like if there were at the Steffi Graf's, if Steffi Graf had a family reunion with all the Grafs and they each had to take an exam there, that would be. If there were a bunch of her family members, that would be called a polygraph test. Ah, okay. I thought... I...

Can we slice the marinade joke out from the... That wasn't in anything. I know, but I'm saying, could we slice that wasn't recorded? You're worried about not being able to get back there there to that level of joke

no no no but I thought that was good and it would fit into this area so it'd just go like I love Mark Maron and then we don't even have to say the rest

you can slice that and we'll just grab what we already have which is that you'd love to be his assistant so Andrea Jordan is nodding like she could do that

it will not sound like that when it comes she'll so engineer jordan is nodding like like she could do that it will not okay oh sound like that when it like oh then let me just be like here it is but it will lay it for you fresh so she's not gonna get this either so no i don't have a lot of uh experience with podcasts but uh why would i want to be here because it's like i love uh marin level uh podcasts god i forget how it was. But I love Marc Marin. He's great. But it would be awesome to follow him around and be his assistant for a while. Love to be a marinade.

Ha, ha, ha. That was good. Thank you. Yeah. There you go. We got it. Got a high five. And the high five was quicker, which is good.

It was quicker. So we jumped off this really quickly. So there was the brother-in-law thing, which is good. It was quicker. So we jumped off this really quickly. But so there was the brother-in-law thing, which, okay, fine, whatever. But then the thing, like, you don't know whether or not your dad is still alive. And it's just making me wonder if, like, doing this now at this time, you're very insistent on doing the show at this specific time slot, not a normal one for us. And I wonder if this is, like, you wanted to establish being here at a certain.

If it's an alibi. I don't want to say, but just like the way you say like, out of nowhere, I don't even know whether or not my dad is still alive, which like, first of all, if you're trying to do an alibi, say that he is still alive. Are your parents still living? Both of them. Yeah. They are. Yes. Pretty much. How about you? Still living? Both of your parents still alive. Are your parents still living, both of them? Yeah. They are?

Yes, pretty much. How about you? Still living? Both of your parents still alive? Yeah. Pretty much. And I know. We're freaking lucky.

We have a lot of friends whose parents have passed. Yeah. Freaking good. Yeah. Brother-in-law's still alive. It's just like now you're taking on this persona of guy who loves when parents are alive. And it's not for me

a rich comedy podcast area. It feels like for you it's very important because of something else that's maybe going on. Are we back out of an episode and into the interview again? And this is why I feel

the interview's going so poorly. I have no idea. I have no idea. Hollywood Handbook. be a better you in 2024 with babble the science-backed language learning app that actually works don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors or waste hours on apps that don't really help you speak the language and the question that i always get people stop me and they say like hey i like i i trust you i know like you when you endorse a product it's something that you really use and care about but there's one language i'm trying to learn and that's body language so can babble teach me body language? Yes. Babbel now has visual in-person lessons.

Part of their quick 10-minute lessons that they do for other languages, handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations, and that includes body-based conversations. What does it mean when you drop someone off after a nice date and they turn around at the door and they take their little index finger and they kind of draw it towards them? They're pulling it.

What does that mean? Does their finger hurt? I wonder if they spotted a spider web or something. They're trying to pull spotted a spider web or something they're trying to pull down the spider down yeah but i've seen this too after a lot of dates and i need i need and have needed something like babble to figure out what the heck is this person doing with their finger because it looks like a it looks like an emergency i know i was supposed to do something or how about those people that stand in the street they're kind of like they've got like almost like police clothes on it may be almost yeah and they're standing in the

middle and as i'm driving and i'm cruising they're holding their hand up for like a high five almost and they're really aggressively like pushing it out i'm like am i supposed to drive get out of the car yes or just do it out the window as i'm going that's what i've been doing dangerous yeah but some of these very subtle body language cues have escaped me and many listeners i'm'm sure. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real-life situations, which I have all the time, and delivered with conversation-based teaching so you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others.

Can't feel good to be others there. Continued to prove Babbel is better. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. Babbel has over 60 million subscriptions sold. All of their 14 award-winning language courses are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee. Here's a special limited-time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at Babbel.com slash the boys.

Get 55% off at Babbel.com slash the boys spelled B-A-B-E-L dot com slash the boys. B-A-B-B-E-L. B-A-B-B-E-L. B-A-B-B-E-L. Dot com slash the boys. Rules and restrictions may apply.

With Babbel, we can't promise it'll always be easy, but you'll always be glad you did it. Kind of like this podcast, except it is easy for me. Eating better is easy with factors. Delicious, ready-to-eat meals. Every fresh, never-frozen meal is chef-crafted, dietitian- ready to go in just two minutes speaking of ready to go in just two minutes chef kevin is here with his new show

the chef kevin factor where he creates fresh never frozen meals now this is different kevin i just want to i just want to establish it's none of this like here's a like a pile of ingredients like this is the meal the meal has to be ready it's not a recipe okay this is the meal you cook the full meal for us now okay yeah you don't just send us a bunch of stuff you had laying around in your cabinet you're actually doing the cooking and there are 35 different options to choose from every week including calorie smart protein plus and keto which is this it's a little bit of all of them okay okay it shouldn't be there are also more than 60 add-ons to help you stay fueled up and feeling good all day long how many add-ons and what are some of

them it's one big add-on and it's you on your bed you're so tired after you eat my meal the at the promises the meal makes us sleepy you've been pushing that so much you're saying that you will be added on to your bed yeah your bed plus one that's the opposite of what this is supposed to do it's supposed to help you stay a lot of these i know give you a ton of energy they have like smoothies and things like that reservation for two me walking in my bedroom what's the second it's you and your bed bed i guess clippy fuel up fast with factors restaurant quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are pancakes smoothies and more discover a wide variety of easy options for the entire day like breakfast midday bites and more no we didn't even this is

absolutely this is not even up for consideration so let's just hear what the actual meal what was the food i don't want to go to bed it's very simple it's one huge chicken nugget sign up and save we've done the math factor is less expensive than takeout every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious head to factor meals.com slash theboys50 and use code theboys50 to get 50% off. That's code theboys50 at factormeals.com slash theboys50 to get 50% off. Hey, guys. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills.

You can see all your subscriptions in one place spending and helps lower your bills you can see all your subscriptions in one place and if i see something i don't want i can cancel it with a tap i never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think also by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't

resemble anything from the movie they were not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was

most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash the boys that's rocketmoney.com slash the boys rocketmoney.com slash the boys so here's what i think we do okay we run it back we do and again this is just this is all just dry run but new billy story okay just to reset just to just a palate cleanser new Billy story whatever blue sky and then different

movies completely everything new if we can do that and also a name joke in there would be great do we want to set a timer and we'll just have maybe three minutes I'm three minutes late.

And just hear what kind of small talk Will might make with you prior to the podcast starting, if I was late. For three minutes? What are you thinking? Wait, should I be incorporating these things that he's talking about into that three minutes? I'm just saying like, you know, something that happens with guests, sometimes one of us is here, one of us isn't. And I like to sort of rehearse like what is that gonna feel okay or is it gonna set us off yeah this is great then what if you when you rush in and i don't want to this is your podcast but this would be fun to do to incorporate his notes

yeah to come in do the pre-thing she runs the thing once you get in here and then we start the show and i do the things that he wants. Okay. Yeah, that could be cool. That could be cool. Yeah. You think three minutes is too long? What are you looking for? Maybe 90 seconds?

If you could get here in time, that would be, 90 seconds would be great. Okay. Let's do that. Okay. Okay. So there's no,

no theme song for this part. Okay. So this is, this is just like before the show. And so you're gonna leave Okay Okay This is part of it This is part of it

Okay We'll shut this Well where is he? Where's Sean? Well let's just do it like it's normal. But does he know? Has anybody talked to him? Is he okay? This is not a normal first thing to say. He's right outside. Hey, so sorry.

Oh, he showed up. Oh, good. I thought I was nervous about you. No, yeah. It's sorry. Sorry. Hi. I had a big opportunity, actually. Oh, what was it? Yeah. It's,

um, it's, uh, to host like a cooking show, like, uh, um, like a really mean cooking show.

You had to do that. You had that, the opportunity to do that and you did it or the opportunity I had to go and meet, I had to go and like, just like really insult a lot of people's pots and pans and kitchens and stuff for this cruel. Oh my God, I have a great name for it.

Oh. Shots fried. It interchanges the I and the R. Yeah, same one. Shots fried. If I get it, I honestly will. Shots fried. If I get it, I will send that upstairs.

You will? And I deserve it. I was late. I'm getting roasted. Look, Sean, you were a little bit late. We had a pretty smooth conversation before this. I think that you're on the outs. Would you rather I do it without me?

Well, why don't we test you out and see if you still got what it takes. Okay. Okay. Run the theme song, please, now. Okay. You got it. You got it who? Boss, please.

Okay, boss. Yep, boss. And we're telling the story. Hey, we're here in the Hollywood, name of the podcast, and we're talking. We brought in Sean here. A little bit late. He was a little bit late. Let's see how he does. Hi. Well, yeah. Yeah. Hi. So happy to be here and thanks for having me on. Yeah.

Will, thank you for doing the show. How's your family? Well, they're all very alive and great. Alive and kicking. Don't know that one. It's a Simple Minds song. Oh, okay. It was around the time, probably the same album as Don't You.

Yeah. Forget about me. Yeah, yeah. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Yeah, don't. That's how I sing. That's how you would sing? To the beat of the rhythm of the night

Dance until the morning light Forget about the worries on your mind You can leave them all behind That really takes me somewhere It's so confident It really feels like instructions When you sing it like that Thank you.

It can get lost otherwise. Every show, you know, we start out with like a funny childhood story. Anything funny from when you were a kid. Like a name you used to have. Always had the same name. Just Will. Yep. Okay.

Yeah. Nothing funny. No fun name stories for me I was well I had a mean cooking show audition earlier is there any any names come to mind for that it's up to the people who name it

it's not my show so sure of course of course it is and of course it is up to them yes it's their show but it could be funny to try to come up with what a name would be. Oh, so you know what? That could run on that show. If it's funny to try something, it could be on Funnier Try. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So you could be. Shot fired! And that's on Funny or Try. Funny or Try. Coming to Funny or Try. I'm clicking Try every time. You can pick Try.

I mean, but that's the bummer, is it can be Funny and Try at the same time, so it's tough. Oh, Funny or Try, you either think it's funny, or you vote that it dies. Funny or try. It's like, wow, that was super funny. And they obviously tried very hard.

Of course. I got to kill myself because I can't decide this. Yeah. No. Or let myself live. Yeah. And write a nasty letter to funny or try. What I would want every time is funny,

and they didn't even seem like they tried that hard. Oh, yeah. That is the sweet spot. Wouldn't that be cool? Yeah. When people are so funny because they're just like over it. Yeah. Yeah.

You do. Tell me about all these. You did this movie? Yes. I don't like to talk about my accomplishments. I'm an actor. Yeah, I act in stuff, but that's not, that doesn't define me. Okay.

What, is there other stuff in your life that you? You know, I'm a philanthropist. Okay. I help people. Oh, wow. That's great. Who are you helping these days? I just compliment people. Yeah. Thatist. Okay. I help people. Oh, wow. That's great. Who are you helping? I just compliment people.

Yeah. That helps. Women. I save my own money and do not. Yeah, I compliment women. I compliment men. I compliment everything that, you know what? I compliment things that don't deserve compliments because that puts a smile on people's face

and they're going to be nicer to somebody. It's a pay it forward. Fake compliments. You're lying. Yeah. I lie to people all the time. This is so fun, by the way. I'm loving this.

So what made you say that just now? Like what brought, like what was it that just, you know, the energy or something just like clicked it in? I can't tell you. Okay. I'm unleashed. When I do a podcast, which I hope to do more of. No, and we'd love to have you. The second I walk in the door, if I'm given the opportunity, I take the leash off and I just start barking.

We all the time end up giving references too. Like if somebody is not a great fit for our podcast, we'll send them on. Yes, we will absolutely recommend to like two or three other podcasts that we think they would work on. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So it's not a good fit.

If there was a- Did not say that. Didn't say that. No, no, no. I'm not saying that. I'm saying nobody said that. I did not say that I'm saying I'm leading somewhere if there was a podcast called Pauldi

and a guy named Emerson who came in to try to do let's say Ralph Waldo Emerson Ralph Waldo Emerson Ralph Waldo Emerson, who came in to try to do, let's say Ralph Waldo Emerson. Ralph Waldo Emerson came in here, did your podcast, and wasn't good. But it was like, oh, he'd be better with the Paldi. I never know where these are. So Emerson was not good with this podcast,

but Emerson Fittipaldi. Okay. It helps if you know there's a person named Emerson Fittipaldi. I think he's a driver. I figured there must be. He's a what? A driver. A driver.

Like an indie car. I'm not sure. Like a classic Like slot cars I would guess It was like 70s Like during the Al Anser years

Did we introduce And this is part of it too This is a family Please don't make that noise Please Jordan What about the family? This is a family Earwolf this show

This is a family If you wanna Get along with me You gotta be in with When you ask are my mom and dad alive Yeah they're right here are you leading me into a Spice Girls song

I don't think so if you wanna be with Anne Wolfe get with my friends get with my friends I don't know the words it's a fake song I just want to introduce the other people that work on the show I don't know the word. No, yeah. It will forever end. It's a fake song. You get the pick. I just want to introduce, like, the other people that work on the show are extremely important to me.

My podcast family is everything. This is Jordan, Engineer Jordan, who is now going by Engineer Duffy, which is her last name, because we are growing up here. Jordan Duffy, JD. And we are adults. And they did another high five. She does not have her JD. She does have a BA. And it's in vocal performance.

Okay. Yes. That is true. I know you've been doing a lot of singing. Yep. Perhaps we create some space for Jordan to do some singing. Yeah. Jordan, do you want to sing a Spice Girls song about the Earwolf family?

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe later. Yeah. Let me think of one. Yeah. Take your time.

Yeah. And this is Kevin. Hey, Will. Chef Kevin here. Hello. Wait, did you by chance look up Emerson Fittipaldi? Yeah. He's a Brazilian race car driver. He's 73 years old.

Nailed it. Wow. I did nail it. Yeah. So it all checks out. He was like big in the 70s then in that. He's big in his 70s right now. And probably in the 80s as well.

Yeah. No, he's big in the, yeah. By the way, 73, that's supposedly when I will die And that's according 73 I am going to get stabbed According to the Ouija board Die of stab wounds And I saw you brought the Ouija board in

Yes I don't go anywhere without it Yeah, no, that was interesting When you set that up right away And I mean this isn't normally part of the show should we ask the Ouija board a question this is we have it's the first time we've ever had I do want to say like just for like normal like speaking relationships with Kevin when like we you were introduced to each other and then then you said, did you look up that thing that I said earlier?

Yeah. Which is like, that is his job. It is his job to be doing that. The only reason I asked was because I am, when I talk, I basically am looking kind of in on him. And for some reason, during the Emerson Fittipaldi, I saw him fidgeting a little bit. And he does not look to be a major public masturbator from first sight.

So I was like, certainly not a major one. I think he's texting. No, not anymore. Not on this show. That was, obviously we endowed him with the persona of pervert as we do almost all of

our male engineers or producers. But we've moved away from that with Kevin in particular. Maybe. Jordan looked up like, Jordan, do you want that? I want to get back to her singing something. Well, and she's had a little bit of time. And are you looking up lyrics?

Yeah, I wrote some down. Oh, great. Did you? Yeah. Okay. Do you want a karaoke track behind it or you just want to roll? Oh, my God. Sure.

We could do a karaoke track. Okay. We could do a karaoke track. Okay, and Will disappeared and the freaking sound machine has arrived. It's a great sound machine. Not the correct beat, but I guess I'll go with it. What's the beat of my time signature? It'll be Say You'll Be There by Spice Girls. I'm just going to go off your Spice Girls thing. Say You'll Be There. Jeez.

And that's not to me. I'm just going to go off your Spice Girls thing. So he'll be there. Jeez. And that's not, to me... We're reaching past some of the obvious ones. Oh. want to record a podcast you should come to earwolf and if you like to do some improv and to listen to your own voice then you should come to the earwolf studios where you get a karaoke track from will for day if you like to do the podcast, then you should come to Earwolf.

That's all I got. Wow. Wow. Now, this is a huge problem. Because now people will say, now you have to follow through on this. You realize that? Follow through on this. You realize that? Follow through on what? You're saying to people, if they want to record a podcast,

they should come to Earwolf Studio. Sure. No. It's not just anyone comes in here and does, you know, I know you look at the other jokers on this network, you think, oh, they must be on wedding. There must be anybody off the street can just walk in. They must have busted the locks on this network, you think, oh, they must be anybody off the street can just walk in. They must have

busted the locks on this door. What if she had, can I give some constructive criticism, criticize them then? Yeah. If you had added

in something like, if you want to do a podcast, just come interview like we're full time. Uh, yeah. That's much better.

And then everything else works because it's, and it makes you feel bad You have to go through You can't just walk in It makes it sound It makes it sound And that's why it's a huge problem for me also

Personally with Will Making him go through this whole thing And you're saying anybody just come in Will With a short I not whale it sounded like you were saying like Moby Dick a whale

I started swearing is swearing allowed? get it out we say the most messed up stuff we say some of the nasty we go so dark we say the most and we'll like combine them in these ways that are like so Some of them are nasty at all. We go so dark. We say the most.

And we'll combine them in these ways that are so funny. It's Veep level insanity in terms of like, yeah, we invent new swears just for the show. And it just gets so gross. Yeah, we do the most creative cursing, and we will just go off. What's each of your favorites? Uh, of combos. Oh God.

Whatever. For me, it's like, Oh, don't make me pick. Hey, did you want to go? My favorite one,

my favorite, uh, just like swear combo is probably, uh, fucking penises balls. Yes. And mine's similar and it's fucking pumpkin dick nuts. And that to me is like, it's so creative and it's so wild.

And it is challenging language. We become so stale in the way that we not only communicate politely, but also in the way that we curse. And by introducing these new creative curses, I'm actually growing the human brain. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to do a crazy swear?

Or just like talk about this. So like, this is the kind of conversation. Dickie bird. Yeah. You can be louder. You don't have to be so quiet. It doesn't have to be quiet. It's a jerk ass dickie bird.

Jerk ass dickie bird. It can be really loud. Go fly off, you fart. Fuck. So this is like the way, like we like to have real conversations on this show. Like this is,

I forget if we're in the, in the show or not, but this is exactly right. Talking about language, talking about expanding the human brain, like really getting into it. Well, it's just like back to the stuff like what's a cup versus – Yeah, exactly. Back for the first version of the Billy to Will story. Yes. Like, what does any of it mean?

Like, just somebody arbitrarily made up some word. Whoever got the privilege of naming stuff first. It is. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. And so we're like, okay, master, no. Yes.

Well, you're talking about Adam, first of all. We know who it was. Yes, exactly. Adam and Eve. He named everything. Adam was there. Adam named it Cup. Oh, thanks for the Cup. no yes well you're talking about Adam first of all we know who it was yes exactly Adam and Eve he named everything Adam was there Adam named it cup

oh thanks for the cup oh I guess we got it grab me a cup Abel yeah yeah but it could have been a cap and then you could be taking cups off pens

and it's like a pen could be a a pwn that's totally yes it's totally arbitrary and a piece of paper could be a pooper yeah

yes and a pooper and a pooper. Yeah. And a pooper could be, yes. Should probably change what a pooper is. And a pooper could be, yeah, paper or, yeah. Yeah, paper, yeah, sure. You can just switch them. That's paper's available now. You get a pooper cut. It's crazy.

It's sick to think about getting a pooper cut. Yeah, but it's also really interesting. Well, yeah. It's a piece of sexist. Yeah, but it's also really interesting. You take it sexist. Well, yeah. You take it sexist. Yeah, and Hayes does. Hollywood Handbook. Well, there's a reason they call me the March Maniac. I get maniacal around this time of year because March Mania is happening in DraftKings Sportsbook.

happening in DraftKings Sportsbook. One of America's top rated sportsbook apps is giving new customers and maniacs like me a shot to turn five bucks into $150 instantly in bonus bets with any college basketball bet. Those maniacs are even more maniacal than me, the March Mania, I get a little maniacal. And let me tell you something. The best bet that I'm seeing on the board is one that will already have happened by the time you hear this ad. That's right. I'm here to give you a nonspecific line from a college basketball tournament game, which you will not be able to bet on

because the college basketball tournament games that are going to happen after you hear the ad do not have lines up yet. I have to give you a line specifically from today. That's how the lines work. Today, there are two games taking place, both of which you will not be allowed to wager on. They will already have happened. San Diego State Aztecs are favored over Boise State.

Oh, mama. Hey, I wonder if their basketball court is blue like their football field. Sports facts, that's the March Maniac for you. Also, the Dayton, Ohio Flyers are favored over VCU. Hey, you know what? I'm going to go double underdog on that one because I'm a maniac. Okay. Have fun seeing the games or checking up on the scores of whether I hit my bet that you could not participate in. Download the DraftKings Sports app and use code

THEBOYS. New customers can bet five bucks to get $150 instantly in bonus bets only at DraftKings Sportsbook with code THEBOYS. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or in West Virginia, visit www.1800gambler.net. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NEW-YORK or text HOPE-NY-467369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org please play responsibly on behalf of boot hill casino and resort in kansas 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction void in ontario Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance.

See dkng.com slash bball for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Mania! Life can be ridiculous, but you know what's not funny? Getting ripped off. And Harry's agrees.

So what we want to talk about today with... Sorry, you said Harry's or harry i said harry's we always talk about harry's first and then we talk about you clean harry uh who are sort of our new noted mask i don't know no taken for this campaign talk about harry's first what we want to talk about is something funny that happened to you recently great a ridiculous or fun situation that you were in okay recently that's the prompt and that'll take us into discussing the product particularly funny the product funny to me or funny to just anyone i i mean do you you feel like there's a difference there like you yeah i mean i've had things happen to me that i suppose you would find funny okay but that you didn't find funny and and

you have not really and you have things that have happened that you would find funny but the rest of the world would not yeah i guess i'm interested in that one that i would find funny yes but that others would not find funny you seem to think that you have like a specific taste when it comes to what's funny or ridiculous that is not i ordered uh um like a scented spray for my pillow to help me sleep at night like a lavender scent okay and uh they accidentally sent me two okay so you understand that most people would not buy that funny or ridiculous but but you but you do i just had a little chuckle about the mix up at the at the shipping uh warehouse harry saw customers getting screwed over by questionable that's a come up overpriced shaving product harry on the come up i decided to do something better instead of charging the

same stupid high prices harry's found their own way double scent bottle beautifully designed razors for a fraction of the price of other big brands except go baby exceptional products honest prices i don't is there a bogo as part of this because i don't want to be like talking about no but that's what happened that are no but i clean harry punk harry's two bottles buy one get one their deodorant their lotion their body their hair gel, all very high quality products. They all smell great. German engineer blades made in their own factory. They stay sharp longer. You get a five blade razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cover for just three bucks at harrys.com slash the boys.

Highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry no risk trial don't like your shave no worries it's on them getting ripped off isn't funny do you want to hear what happened to me that you might find yes yes sure but that you didn't yeah so you're attuned to this stuff i got my foot stuck in the dryer at the laundromat and it somehow turned on. And you know that that was something other people would find funny based on the responses you were getting.

A lot of people inside that laundromat seemed to find it pretty humorous when my legs started spinning around and flipping me over. What happened was I was holding my laundry basket with both hands and i saw oh still a sock left in the dryer so i stuck my foot and tried to pick it up with my little toesies i wear sandals punk and as i'm picking it up i just sort of tripped and my foot got wedged in between there's like slats in there and stuck inside there and then i don't know who somebody pushed the button or what

but it turned on and the thing starts flipping over and i'm flying in circles help punk help me you punks are your clothes staying in the basket are you going fast no no no i'm wearing all of them by the end of the cycle get started with a $13 trial set for just three dollars at harrys.com slash the boys that's harrys.com slash the boys for a three dollar trial set but it's actually important to have these conversations. I think about this with colors. You ever look at a color? I don't see colors. Yeah. No, no, no.

I don't either. No, that's what I was going to say. No, why is everyone seeing these? I was going to say that. No, you took what I was saying. I just railroaded you away from what you were going to say. No, no, no. You actually helped.

That actually is what he was going to say. I read something today about somebody who. Now that was, this is railroaded. The question, it was something on Twitter, and it was like, add up like 89 and 27. Okay. And so it said, how did you do that? Yeah.

And then there are a bunch of different ways that people do it. And mine was, oh, take 80 and 20 and add them together and then 9 and 7. But I got it fucking fast. Yeah. It was really good. But then other people, you know, do the, do the, you know, line them up over in their head. Yeah.

And they drop it. Yeah. But then somebody said that they think in colors, like, like they're the, the, the numbers were colored. It's weird weird different numbers have different colors so i wouldn't be able to say that have you ever heard of that yeah that i mean i sounds like is this kind of like how you guys like to talk about swearing and stuff it's closer okay yeah it's really close it's all around it It's like arid extra dry

How do you do Get a little closer Kevin, how do you add those? Don't be shy You can get You can get a little closer With arid extra dry Wow, and isn't it

Oh, and you know what I'm thinking of is big red Oh Oh Which to me is big invisible So dead a little longer Isn't it? Oh, and you know what I'm thinking of is Big Red. Oh. Mm-hmm. Oh. Which to me is Big Invisible. So dead a little longer. Yeah, longer, not closer. Touch a little longer. But it is getting you closer when you're touching longer.

Yeah. Yeah. How do you do the numbers? I always keep my marbles with me. And then so I count out 89 marbles, and then I count 27 marbles with me. And then so I count out 89 marbles and then I count 27 marbles. And then I realized I should have just counted it as like

one full thing. Because I'll get 89 and then I'll go 1, 2, 3 and I'll hang out. I should have kept going. Do you know what you need? Yeah? This could change your life. Assemble the marbles into an abacus. Okay.

Okay. Something to hold them. Just some. I honestly do not care what it is at this point. Abacus, great. A bag, ideal. He's walking right into a trap of somebody saying, Kevin's lost his marbles. And he has never lost them, but chasing them down the street.

Constantly. And just every time you ask him to do anything, and he has to very carefully place his marbles down, and he's sort of like, or you put him in his shirt, and then he's pulling his shirt up so high, and he's kind of showing you his tummy in this way that's like, it doesn't feel good. Do you know male cows?

Yeah. Male. Yeah. Sometimes. This is going somewhere good. I can feel it. Sometimes they're pristine. They look fantastic.

But then sometimes, you know, maybe they'll get mud on them. They will be messy. Yeah, thank you for saying that. There is a possibility that somebody could throw paint on them, but I hate it when people marbles. I hate it when people marbles. We were talking about him marbles earlier. Yes, yes.

And now that, okay. The phrase, I hate it when people marbles yes yes mar and now that okay the phrase i hate it when people marbles doesn't know when they are bulls no but we had been talking about marbles very recently yeah sure yeah oh i never yeah oh oh hey oh Oh, you got it? It's raining really hard. Okay. Right? Okay. Your Olympic swimmer from Australia, last name Thorpe.

Torpedo. I call him Torpedo. You know what I mean? Because he's going through the water so fast. Okay. Yeah. But that's okay. But let's talk about that later okay so it's

raining super hard and are we really gonna talk about it later is it just your thing and then okay go ahead yes we will okay so so ian thorpe is at did you want to save the his the first name first we don't i was going to but then it's like, it doesn't matter. This fucking works. This is so good, yeah. So it's raining super hard. Australian swimmer Thorpe, maybe they'll forget by the end. Australian swimmer Thorpe is eating with a bunch of friends,

and they're done. They pay their check. Doesn't matter what he's eating. Raining cats and dogs. It doesn't matter if they're eating kangaroo or something. Okay. He's Australian. And so they, it's like raining super hard.

They get their check and it's like, you can't just walk. They don't have umbrellas because it was a sunny day when they first walked in. Yeah. So it's like, they got to run out to their vehicle. Yeah. So it's like, Kardashian, Kardashian, Kardashian. You know, I'm thinking with these,

I'm realizing it's been under my nose all along. Comedy bang bang. And I said that right away. You did? I said they would love to have. That is the show. Much bigger audience and some of this and some of the stuff that you've been doing.

It's like a perfect fit. Did his name need to be Thorpe? Maybe we only needed his first name. What if, what, okay, okay. You know, like what? Okay, okay. Are you getting this too, Kevin? Do you remember, wasn't there, there was a,

I'm texting Scott. There was a singer, Nia Peoples, right? Okay. And maybe Ian had a crush on her and he's trying to woo her. So it's, so he's like, he's got to do that before he can run out and he's trying to woo her. So he's like, he's got to do that before he can run out and get the car in the rain.

So it's like, Kourtney Kardashian. Kourtney. You got a Kourtney. Then Kardashian, but take out the then. The then is in a possible. Kourtney Kardashian.

I'm concerned that like. Kourtney Kardashian. I'm concerned that like. Kourtney Kardashian. So I guess one thing that I didn't say at first, and this is completely on us, and this doesn't reflect on your interview at all, is we are not necessarily looking for a way to say Kourtney Kardashian. And it's not that we can't say it. Oh, fuck. And it's not that we can't say it, but that is not the target necessarily for the episode. Which, if it was, Bill, I would be over the moon with a lot of what you've been bringing. And way better than I would have done. But just to have it out there, we don't need to.

Yeah. Go ahead. I want to bring this all full circle. Okay. You got to go? You have to go? Yeah. Soon.

Very soon. Yeah. And I understand. Movie tonight. Yeah. I got to go soon. Yeah. Okay.

But here, there is, okay. What's your favorite denim? Okay, but here. There is, okay, what's your favorite denim? There's a great, you know, there is so many different people who love so many different brands of denim. Yes. But not everyone's like, oh, Levi's is the one for me. There's one called Lee.

Yeah, sure. And that brand of denim, there's one person who buys the most. He's like the king of that brand of denim. And he buys so much, but they got to charge him. But he doesn't like to just pay on hand, so they give him a check. Yes, they bill the Lee Jean King bill Lee Jean King oh wow I was so sure it was going to be

Lena Denham and they're always smooth yeah I know it is amazing it is amazing no it doesn't it's not as smooth and classic you're gonna look back no what you did i because i was trying i was putting it together and i was going oh i'm not that excited about where we're going because i can see that it's that like you know one day they offer it to him and he says nah and they go wow leena and i was like this is not good

you know what that's getting out but it's? That's getting hot. But it's not. It's all about the backstory. No, but I'm learning. But I'm learning from you. No, it is. It's painting a picture. It's not a construction we've ever done on the show before. But you're creating these characters.

We didn't talk about that this was something that we were going to do. And the world building is admirable. And I think that, yes, you're a great fit. Then you're going to make some podcast really, really happy. Thank you.

I just think you are going to, it would be to keep you from comedy. Bang, bang. I just, it's a disservice to everyone. Selfish on our part. Are you,

so you'll tell me, do you tell me at the end here, if I get to do it at some point or? I'm willing to tell you now that you won't be doing the show. Okay. And it's not, it's certainly not personal and it's actually, you're so good at what you do and what you do is such a good fit somewhere else that I'd be stealing from their audience by having you on this show.

Okay. What we do on this show is very different which is we talk about other podcasts which we did do we did yeah so you were saying you had to see a movie

yeah I gotta get out of here which one wouldn't you like to fucking know you piece of shit a movie. Yeah, I gotta get out of here. Which one? Wouldn't you like to fucking know, you piece of shit? You are never gonna know what movie I saw. I'm not gonna tweet about it. I'm not gonna even talk about it with the people that I go see it with.

Because I don't want you to ever know. The big group? I'm not even gonna tell you what area of town. Oh, wow. And not the size of the group either. But it's not in Culver City, you piece of shit. Don't follow me out to Culver City because that is where it is.

Okay? Yeah. I don't know which way is up anymore. Fucking invisible man, you piece of shit. That's what I'm seeing. Okay. See, I had you believe that I wasn't going to tell you, and you're like, fuck, and then I told you, and you're like, fuck. You know I don't got the stones to follow you to Invisible Man. Well, I feel like a real-

Do you want to come? No, no. Oh, yeah. Okay, great. Could be fun. Seriously, you guys. I'm supposed to do something with Haze. It's probably sold out.

I heard it's good. Yeah. I heard it's really good. I hear it's very scary. Yeah. Yeah. We know the guy. We've met the guy.

Oh, yeah. I was telling him before. Yeah. We've met the guy. We know the guy. And somebody said, oh, if you've seen the trailer, which looks fucking rad. Yeah. They said, oh, there's so much stuff that's so great that's not in the trailer.

Oh. Yeah, that's a bummer when all this stuff's laid out in the trailer. You go and the three best parts were in the trailer, and you're sort of waiting for, well, at least the trailer part's coming up at some point. Yeah. Yeah. I'm very excited. But yeah, I heard it's really good.

Yeah. We do have someone else coming. I mean, I just got to say it. We do have someone else. They'll be great. I mean, like, I just got to say it. We do have someone else. They'll be great. I wish you that. It's not like we do this with everyone, obviously. So it's like, we'll see if that one works.

If that works out, you know, because not everyone does. They don't all work. You're in great company. I mean, Paul Bettany, you know. Yeah, I got to work out a bunch of stuff. The Emerson Fittipaldi joke is there in my quiver now. That one, yes, you can absolutely deploy. Billie Jean King.

Uh-huh. Yeah, Paul Bettany, the- The Paul Bearer, yeah. Paul Bearer. Yeah. Marinade. Yeah, you can use all the- I got a small joke book. Yeah. Paul Bearer. Yeah. Marinade. Yeah. You can use all the. I got a small joke book.

Yeah. You use. Those are yours. Those are. Sometimes we will end up keeping them. I didn't sign anything when I came in here. Well, I mean, it's like it's not a sign thing. Like it's all our content.

Like it's all our equipment. You didn't sign the table, did you? What's that? Did you sign the my you know you didn't sign the table did you what's that did you sign the table a lot of people sign the table no I didn't yeah your wolf does own own your ideas in perpetuity once you sign the table do a funny one

wouldn't mind cracking up is that is that you Sean right there nah nah I'm not signing this shit Wouldn't mind cracking up. Is that you, Sean, right there? Nah. Nah, I'm not on this one. No, we're not signing this shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, Jennifer Aniston.

I signed right above Jennifer Aniston. I didn't even know it. She's wonderful. Yeah. I have met her, and she was cool. Very cool. So I know what you were trying to do. What?

Come on, man. You didn't think I met Jennifer Aniston. Well, man. You didn't think I meant Jennifer Aniston. Okay. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm not going to be a part of whatever it is. Actually, that is what we are saying as well. And with you... Oh, John Daly's here.

Here's John Daly signed here. Oh, right next to... Have not met. And less frequently, there are a lot of John Daly signed here. Oh, right next to, right. Have not met. And, and, uh, have not met. Less frequently, there are a lot of John Daly's here, like seven John Daly's, and then there's one John Weekly.

Bye. It's like it's a seven. Hollywood handbook. That was a HeadGum Podcast.