Hollywood Handbook - Will Forte, Our Fake Movie Friend

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

The Boys are joined by WILL FORTE as he tries to convince them that his upcoming movie is definitely real and not fake. Catch Coyote vs. Acme in theaters August 28th!   Get a Hat Pack Hat here! Check out Sean and Hayes’s bonus shows at Patreon.com/HollywoodHandbook Listen and watch on the iHeartRadio App!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Totoro. And listen now. Mm-hmm. Will, one second. What were you going to say? It's a big one. It's a big one. So I actually think you should...

You want to look for it? Whatever you have, I would encourage you to get it out now. I have something. Just for Will and I. Not to make you feel excluded, but it's something for Will. I think it is so important that you guys have your thing. Let's have our space because I don't want to...

You guys need something that's just yours. Get derailed. So Will. Yes. Thank you so much for coming, first of all. And I'll just listen if that's okay. And Hase can be in here and you're free to listen. I'll just watch.

Honestly. If I'm allowed to see your thing. Or I can go over here. What's nice for me with this haze is I have sort of a neutral observer. And I don't know how this is going to go. You know, transparently, I don't know how this will go. I do know how mine's going to go. You're here in a, look, are we friends?

We're friends. You're here in a promotional capacity. Yeah. It is work. Yes. You are stumping for your latest feature film. Yes. Yes.

So you've made a movie on the campaign trail. Hayes, do we know anyone else? Kissing babies and babes. Do we know anyone else? Maybe someone in this room who recently made a movie. Had one released a couple weeks ago. Hmm. Let me think real quick.

Let me think of it. You said in this room? Yeah. Okay. Because Casey has one, but it's not out yet. Not. It hasn't been released though. Where's that at?

So they're fielding offers. Oh. And I believe Casey, tell me if I'm wrong. Are we locked? And have we done the final mix? We're locked working on the final mix. And the mix isn't finished. But I was referring to myself and Will, have you seen my film?

It was Sean. Have we seen my film, Will? The wait, so Sean was Sean the whole time. And Casey made a film as well. I'm not even sure. What's the, I got young kids, so I don't know what's the movie called. That's fine. I didn't know how it would go.

Now I'm seeing how it's going to go. So, just, and I just want to zoom out. So you want me to see your movie. But you don't even know about my movie. Young kids are not allowed to see movies. I have very young kids. I've had them watch the movie multiple times. It's the only movie they know.

Do you have young kids? Yeah. How old are your kids? Seven and four. Okay, well, yeah, I should have seen your movie and I apologize. What is your movie called? His... I don't want this whole thing to be about my movie.

You didn't see my movie. You want me to see your movie. You want me to promote your movie. You don't know about my movie. So that's just where we stand. And it's going to affect a little bit like maybe my enthusiasm, you know, during the show. I understand. I understand that.

It's just fine. I mean, my job is to talk about the movie and people can make their decision on whether they want to see it or not. You can't force anyone to see the movie. I found that out the hard way just now. But that's the thing is like, that's why I'm out here to get the word out. Maybe you didn't successfully get the word out about your movie. Well, because I didn't know, I either didn't know that you were involved in a movie that I've

heard of or I just haven't heard of. Well, getting the word out is being on this podcast, I've been doing that literally every day for the past 15 years. Okay, that's true. That's true. So if that's getting the word out, then there's sometimes three or four times more I could have done. Okay. I see your point.

I see your point. But it's fine, it's fine. But Hayes had something. You said the job is you're here to talk about the movie, right? It's, I mean, it's not a...

I mean, that's what you said. That's what you said. Yes. Yes. Here's what happens in it. Yeah. Here's how much it costs.

Okay. Here's, like, the different guy. Fucking pig, man. I don't know if it's him or what. What? But go ahead.

You were sweating when you walked in the door. It's the promotional energy. You brought that sweat in with you. Damn, dude. But go ahead. You have one of the best reputations of not just anyone in Hollywood, anyone I've ever met or like heard people talk about. That's nice.

I'm waiting for a butt. Yeah. And it's my experience. as well, just like nothing but. Anecdotally, every interaction has been positive. And everything you hear, like,

yeah, like there's, there's nobody who people talk about the, like the way they talk about you. Mm-hmm. No, but.

Very nice. And that's why it hurts me so much that this movie will end up destroying your reputation not just to say that

take your time the story of the movie is you made it right yeah and then the suits came along they said hey like we don't like we hate movies you're not allowed to do that movies anymore right yep yep and they and they they put in the deep

in the blast freezer in the walk-in right with the big swinging hogs right and you guys are we love movies we're pissed off

people are in the streets let me in the blast freezer like I'm gonna chop the door down with an axe and get this thing out they're pissed and I don't care if the hogs hit me in the face you know they say show us the movie

and you're like yeah right right yeah And then finally, the suits cave. They say, all right, you can have your movie. Right? We'll show it. Here's your movie. It means that much to you.

And then you guys, the team, right, behind the project, yeah. They're like, oh, fuck. We never made a movie at all. Mm-hmm. It was all a fucking lie. Mm-hmm. There is no movie.

You guys had played the perfect game. make a movie and pretend and say that and villainize of course these fat cats these suits who were all so primed to be mad at or were at that time I feel like that's calmed down a little bit yeah that now with some hindsight it's like

can we just admit that Zaslov seems kind of cool I mean the guy's court side at the next game he's cheering for his team that's like me it's called show business. I mean, how is that any different than what I'm doing? By the way, he made some of those investors. What's he supposed to give the money back?

Isn't that his job? I mean, your job is to promote the movie. What's his job? Get those shareholders a little bit of dollars and cents in their pocket and damned if he didn't do it. But at the time, it was good business. These guys, like, you know, they suck. They don't like movies like we do.

And to intentionally get the movie pull. put in the blast freezer when actually there was nothing in the can. It's an empty case. And now this movie's supposed to be released in a few days. And there is no actual movie. And that's why I was sweating. And I've stopped sweating now that it's out in the open. And you can probably feel that.

That I think it was the pressure I was feeling emanating from you of, we're going to have to show them something. And sure shit ain't going to be the movie that we talked about because that didn't happen. Yes, so it was a tricky situation and I didn't want to, you know, talk about this because I didn't know that a lot of people knew this story. It's better to get in front of. We don't. We don't. Like, there's a movie does not exist.

We just got a bunch of, like, really good reviews came out yesterday. We're at 96% of rotten tomatoes and we are scrambling to make a movie in the next, you know, a couple of weeks. To somehow match the reviews. up to the reviews. A lot of those reviews, if you've ever read a review, it's an interesting piece of journalism. It's one sentence that says the four people involved in the movie, four and a half paragraphs recapping details of the movie in very slightly different ways than one sentence of opinion. And so they are unique in their structure. But because the bulk of it is just sort of a vague recap, you're in a pickle.

There's a lot of reviews coming out and there is no movie. So in order to match the film to the recaps. No, it makes it, our work is cut out for us because we know exactly what we're supposed to do. It's like, okay. Well, there's a roadmap in some ways, but there's also some conflicting reports, I think. You sent, you just made a movie. I don't want to talk about that with Will because he doesn't like it. I don't know if it's competitive.

I don't know what it is. He doesn't want to know about the movie. But you did the traditional make the movie first type situation. Yeah, I get. Which now I'm feeling like a fucking sucker because I see you sitting in the cat bird seat over here. But whether or not you made the movie, what you send to the, you send the critics the can with the reels in it. Yeah. They open the can.

Yeah. It has a $20 bill and a synopsis inside. Yeah. Just a written thing. It's like, make it yours. Yeah. Make it your own. Stand that performance from Will.

Will. Reliable as always, you know, just whatever you want. The little bit of flowers for you and then some kind of, yeah, some details that you know you can shoot in a couple days. And that's how you get to 96. $96. $96.20 bills. And I got a message for the 4%. We're coming for your ass.

Thank you very much. Thank you. We don't stand for that. I'm sorry. There's 96% on this side, and you're in the 4%. Might be time to look in the mirror. Yes. This thing ain't up for debate.

Some people just don't like quality. And that's what you find. Comedy's subjective, isn't it? Well, that's what, yeah, that's, I think famously been told, said that comedy is subjective. Yeah. And I agree. I'm starting to think so, too. But I'm just as sheep.

Some of Richie's stuff. Mm-hmm. I don't always get I don't always get it I know it's good but it doesn't hit me in the funny bone you know but I'm good but also some of it

damn well this guy's got me lollin that's what it's free like I'm not laughing that's right you know it's a smile it's not a laugh I get what he's doing I like it it's a smile for me it's not a big laugh

for me. Yeah. But I recognize there's craft there. I can't explain it to my wife. I can't like go home and like try to describe the experience of seeing it. And it has affected our relationship a lot. That's a lose, lose. In a bad way.

Yep. Well, I mean. Sorry. I bumped his foot with my phone. You know, wait, now I really want to go back to your movie. What is, what movie were you in? That's stupid. This is about your movie.

Today is about your movie. He is trying to get ideas. for his movie that he needs to make it. When does the movie come out? It's August 28th. Friday, August 28th. Friday.

And a week earlier, I think, in the UK. Okay. So we really have to get going. And are you worried they're going to be like waiting for you at the airport? To, what do you mean? No, I'm also confused. Like to show intent, sometimes they let you get all the way onto the plane. You know what I mean?

They can't. Like, they can't get you on trying to flee Until you're like in your seat You like buckle up and they like And now they have proof Well, you were trying to take the money From the budget of the movie That we fully intend to make this movie

You actually plan on making it by August 28th Yes, okay That's soon, well I know I wish you a lot of luck because it's having made a movie, and I hate to bring it up now, I feel like an asshole,

because he didn't want to know about it. But having made one, it took me longer than that. What is the movie called? You have to tell me. Now he's obsessed. I am obsessed. Is it obsession?

Are you an obsession? No, I had a cup of coffee with Curry Barker, like we all did. And he's had a lot of ideas like that, like freaky ideas. That would be actually even better. than obsession. Oh, some of the stuff I think about,

well, I don't even know if it could go on film. If anybody could put it on, it's Casey. Then we'd be in the mix for three and a half years. He has one about a wife, like a crazy, like a wife. She's like a wife, and she's so weird. And she's so loud, Will. She is so loud. You are right next to her.

And she is talking at a volume that is just like untenable. And like kind of scampering around. Always like doing something. You know what I mean? Yeah. Always like, what are you doing over there? Yeah. Why are you over there?

It's yes. It's the bustling wife. And she's set at a decibel level that you just cannot imagine feeling good for her. Yes. Have you sketched it out or is it what step in the process are you at? There's beats. There's beats. It's all in pieces right now. You know, I think of writing.

You know what I mean? Sure. It's not a treatment. It's not a treat. It's not a beat sheet. It's a beatment. It's a beat. It's sort of, I don't know if you find this, but as I get older,

writing is more like a crossword puzzle. I know what this piece is. Oh, and this piece seems totally unrelated, but look, at the very end, they connect. Okay. And what is it in between these that can put the entire puzzle together there? to make, you know, to make a full shape, a full film. And so I just let those things come to me.

So I have now, I think about 326 scenes of the wife doing different things that the husband does not like. And none of them are expressly connected in like a, you know, act one, two, and three way. But they've all got the wife. And it's choosing between stuff like, it's like, okay, you're awake and you're supposed to be asleep, why are you awake? Or you're asleep, like, why are you sleeping already?

Like, why are you still asleep? You know what I mean? Like, wake up. Yeah. Like, it's hard to choose between those sometimes for a movie like this. Because you want to be consistent, too. Like, you don't want to tell two different stories. Unless that's the movie.

It's a classic conundrum. Yeah. Because some movies have multiple stories. It's a crossword puzzle. Yeah. But I mean, it sounds like you got a good start there to it. That's actually really nice. You guys said three.

Yeah, I think I said 326, but it doesn't matter which one I said because it's not accurate. Because I just came up with two more. And this sleeping thing is now kicking around. That was just an example of his, but that would be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, have you ever thought about writing it together? Clearly, he just came up with something that's like, seems to hit your art.

It's solid gold, yeah. No, the sleeping or being awake thing. We have to pick one of them, obviously, but whichever one we do is going to be, I think could open the movie at this point. But do you have to pick one of them? What if you're sliding doors did? And you...

And I told you there was movies with different stories, and he's just come up with one. I want to sort of like get this... So we are not really allowed to write together. We went to the WGA at some point. Yeah. and it was in those meetings. Did you go to those meetings,

like when we were talking about striking? I did not, but I heard about them. Maybe next time you could go. Yeah. Yeah. It was kind of an important moment for... Not a bad thing for some of our most prominent members with the greatest reputations to be visible in that way.

But, you know, people were talking about the realities of the industry and, like, where the episode numbers and... And just like the size of the room, like where things are at we're trying to get to. By the way, the main character could go to the WGA. The Wives Grousing Association. I mean, that's, you know, that's just. And the main character is the boy, just to be clear. Like, the main character is not the wife.

But he sees the meeting and then she could be in the meeting too. Yeah, she could be there too. And so, Sean, I think you were. the first one to get up in the meeting. We had sort of a... I did a, yeah, I did like a tight... He did a little thing. They sort of finished with like,

why do we all write something together? Yeah. The entire room? They can't possibly unemployed all of us if we've all written the new best script together. And then we'll all sell it, you know?

As a... Not just the room, the whole everybody. Just the entire WGA writes it together. What are we doing competing against each other? The power of a union. Together. Yes.

This guy's got a job. He's making all this money. And I'm not. Does that sound like a union to you? Let's both have it. You know? And I'm pointing at Chris Nolan or whoever else, you know. And I'm going, get in, get over here.

Chris, put your arm around me. We're brothers. Chris Nolan was at the meeting? I was it, was it him? So I was calling him Chris and he was making a face that was telling me this might not be Chris. So I at that point, it was hard to tell because like my job at that point we kind of scripted it out, were writers, was to get up and go, yeah! I needed somebody to be on my side right away because the general tone, the whole buildup was people kind of murmuring and kind of, there was a very negative.

tenor kind of building. But I was miced and we had done a whole tech rehearsal ahead of time. And so I was like wired to all the speakers in the facility. Yeah. And something about something was different from rehearsal to like the actual moment. And it was like it was loud. It was way too loud. It was too loud.

And it didn't even read as a yeah. Like it, it, it was sort of just. this ear splitting shriek and sounded like someone being badly hurt and so then

it was spiking the attention did turn to Hayes which was the design but also the level of the attention was like somebody helped this guy in a way that like even if my thing had had momentum it really would have derailed it

and I'm not angry and we've discussed it You played it up in that way too because there's a lot of people then touching him and picking him up. I had to do something. I really had to do something. Are you okay, sweetie? Because they were like, you were like the people right around me. Like we had set it up so that we were like on opposite sides of the thing.

So that these guys are definitely not together. Yeah. It didn't look like we came in together. We came in definitely like far apart. Yeah. And so the people around me when it was first happening were like really, really pissed off. And so that's why I had to turn it really quickly and like grab my knee. Yeah. And like, no, it would have been dangerous. I think for him to, yeah, to continue with the

original plan. But it did. Anyway, it made it that if we write something together now, I think enough people saw us at that meeting, they would possibly put the entire backstory, you know, together in a way. that would be bad for us sort of moving forward. Oh, okay. Well, that's too bad because you did. I mean, what you just described is something basically a collaboration that you've done. Oh, yeah. That you could try to turn something, turn into something.

Yeah. Got to turn something into something sooner or later, huh? Yeah. You've heard the chaos. Now you can see it. Hello. My gosh. Watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish right inside the full.

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on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 3 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous situation that destroyed two families. It started more than seven years ago when Cindy and Kenny were two 40-somethings

who had just gotten engaged. Days later, they walked into a scorched earth war they never saw coming. Turn around and place your hands by your back. The cops given to my house and threw me in jail. And to Cindy's surprise, her fiance, Kenny, was charged with abusing one of her children. I never once doubted Kenny, and I always doubted the accusation. On season three of burden of guilt, you'll hear a story about the length someone will go to in order to get what they want. This case has got to be one of the most despicable.

Listen to season three of burden of guilt on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're on this promotional blitz. Where else are we going? Where else are we going? Yeah, I like to prep. I mean, this is going well. Would you agree this is going the best so far of anything you've done?

podcast I've ever done. So this one's going really well, but we also do always like to say, it doesn't end when this podcast ends. You know, there's always going to be a next one. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh. Never.

Okay. Oh, that you even think that is, that hurts me. We will have to disavow assuming you are unable to make this entire film. By August 28th If anyone can do it, it's you. We will have to disavow. We probably won't bring a pitchfork, but like, yeah, I'm just like

being into terms, it's figurative. But like, yeah, there's probably a guy there who is handing them out. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so we're just, we'll probably grab one and not like holding up really high. I'll be holding it lazy. Yeah, just kind of.

Really lazy pitchfork down by my waist kind of like pointed. it out just like oh i've got it but it's dragging it around on the ground yeah yeah not no shaking and like you know like yelling just like pitchfork down kind of like yeah let's yeah let's get him you might even bring some hay and put it on the ground and kind of poke at it so people think like oh he might actually be just doing something with the hay and he might actually not be part of the other thing we're here with a worker that's mad at will he might actually be just happening to be here doing something with the hay.

Yeah. Yeah, we're going to ride the line in a way where, like, we obviously can't get out in front of, like, defending you, but we're not going to be the main part of the people who are. You're not going to have anything to defend. This movie's coming out on the 28th. Uh-huh. It's going to be great. And.

Yeah. Are you telling me or are you telling you? I'm telling. Who's this for? I'm telling everyone. I'm telling anybody who will listen. Who's the movie for? It's for people of all ages.

It's for kids. Who's this to act for? It's getting pretty old. It's not an act. It is, it is, and it's, and it's, and it's brand new. It's fresh. So I don't know, you're, maybe it's, maybe you're on an alternate universe where people age faster. The cupboard's bear, Will.

Okay. The emperor's hanging brain. And the, peas porridge. Ah, peas porridge cold. Don't treat me like I'm nine days old. You fucking asshole. Well, the truth is, I think what Hayes is trying to say is, we were born at night, but we weren't born last night, sweetie.

So you could try this. Sorry, I want to try. You want to try this on. Seth Myers, you go right ahead. And I'm sure he will lap it up with a spoon. Okay. But you're in the pressure cooker now, my man. And if you really want to survive this thing,

you better sell me. Are we going to name the movie? The movie is called Coyote versus Acme. It's been named for a long time. By Sandy Frazier, whose legacy

is being dishonored by your dishonesty from the fakeness of the movie. It is not real. And also none of the characters are real. Well, I'm winning, As soon as he said the coyote, I go, this weren't just drawing shit out of a hat.

I mean, you know what I mean? When I said it was like a crossword puzzle, I didn't mean you just randomly make up letters to put in. Look, I got to come clean because I think you deserve total honesty. I was not honest with you. I was going with what you say because I, the movie was made a long time ago. We did actually make the movie. We did it in the traditional, no, we did it in the traditional way where we were. We, we, you know, somebody wrote a script.

We made this script. And I didn't, I just felt like you were very excited about the story you had told. But I want to just let you know that we had, we made the story. It is already done. That's why I'm so relaxed about it. Guilty. I love stories. Because I wouldn't come here to do your.

Police. I wouldn't. If that's illegal now. Put me in the chair. I just wouldn't have done your podcast. if I had to make a whole movie in 14 days. Not a threat. This is just, look, it's a movie I'm proud of.

I love it. And we did make it. That's why it got the reviews. You wouldn't be the first one to get here and decide not to do the podcast and you wouldn't be the last either. I'm not, I want it. I'm here to do the podcast.

So am I. So am I. But I also, yeah. I mean, look, it's, yeah. Okay, so it's real. promoting now. So it's real. Yeah, it's real.

It's real. All right. All right. I didn't want to have to do this. I didn't want to have to do this. I didn't want to have to do this. Now you're going to have to deal with Josh. Josh, get it here.

Hey, guys. Walk in here. So Josh is. Shit. Sort of our secret weapon. We've never, ever had to bring in Josh before. This is the first time Josh has ever. First time we've ever had to bring in Josh.

And you don't want to know what he's going to do with this. By the way, keeping that thing on there is part of Josh's job. You don't want to know why this comes off. How's it going, Will? Well, and he's really asking you. It's going to agree. He wants to know the truth. Yeah.

Had this microphone stand come off. Tell him, Will. Hayes just pulled it off. Tell the truth. will. Mm-hmm. And he's pulled it off. Why?

Because he's signalized. Josh, I release you. Go outside. And Josh is the one who, when you have to validate at the end. Yeah. He has the stickers.

He has the stickers for you. But not. He will not be giving you a sticker. Mm-hmm. That's what this was about. You will not be receiving a sticker. Liars do you not get stickers. Josh has looked.

you in the eye and he sees right in your soul I mean you can feel it you called me a liar from the very beginning you're trying to remember I was just trying to remember the beginning the beginning actually was about my movie I was trying to be pleasant

which is which is a long long game you've been playing Mr. Pleasant Mr. Respectful funny nice to talk to always kind remembers things about you and it's like,

why is he doing this? I never thought to ask. I never thought to ask. Long, long, long game. And then suddenly the news of the movie comes out, coyote in front this thing with the friend, with the, with the hacksaw.

That's exactly what it's called. And he, and I go, oh, now I get it. It was all set up. fool me once Will who's the director

quick right now quick quick Dave green Okay all right Dave green shirt over there He looked right at the green shirt And where do you get Dave from He must watch it last night Kevin Klein movie with the fake president

Of another fake scam Of course Of course He's got Dave on the brain He's got He's got all these fake schemes in his brain is rattling on. He's going, God, I'm trying to pull off my own Dave right now by plugging in this guy who looks like the president saying that he's actually the president. And then we learn something really about the president in this way and what that office should mean, you know?

And then as that's going on for him, he sees the green shirt and he makes up this name and it's just transparent as hell. is transparent as the fake laughs that will be happening on these other appearances where these people laugh it up with a spoon Seth Myers etc and all these other guys

where is we going after this thank you for not commenting on my clear nose I haven't seen you know a while obviously my nose is completely clear which happened that's why I said transparent as the nose on my

face. Oh. I thought it was going to be something that people were doing. I had heard conversations that I think I misinterpreted where like I thought I was going to be the first one of a lot of people to get my nose clarified. Like it's a new kind of like people are getting all this stuff now. Oh my God. The medical procedures.

I mean, what have you been getting into? Because we all, right, I actually have not had any medical procedures. Oh my God. You never had any medical procedure. We got to do something. I mean, we don't have to do clear nose, but we've got to do something. Just even to be a part of the conversation, no? I mean, at some point, you know, my eyelids are very droopy.

If they ever droop to the point that I can't see. I believe. I'll, yeah, something, you know, something, just so I can see. But unless it's like a medical condition. I'm a believer. I don't think I'll I don't know that I'll do it just for looks No you would not do it just for looks

You would do it But I mean if you're gonna do it You might as well do it right You might as well go on You might as well make it look good While they're in there But it's gonna happen only if you know what I mean If it droops over

You know they call you from the shop And they're like You know we're in this thing You're like well you get an oil change While you're at it We're down here we notice Yeah Break pads are a little thing

You know you're gonna need to do six months anyway and we're already here why don't you do it you know what would you guys say i should get done really really be honest and instructive ass yeah bones big ass hockey lips i'd like to see possibly an additional ass twice the size of the one you have which we will be increasing the size of um it's too small i think i'd want too small too big it's not a qualitative it's not a judgment call. I'm just saying what I want to see. Is that there's something wrong with you? It's that it could be very interesting to have big ass honking lips and a second ass next to our primary ass, which is twice the size of

our primary ass, which has been increased in size. Okay. And I think that when he says bones, that really gets me going in terms of having possibly a skeletal, like vestigial wing coming out from behind my shoulders and you having the same thing and that we have sort of a greeting that we do with one another where we like kind of fist bump with our like new bony wings. That's interesting. You wear like a trench coat. I think you're like a detective or something. Yeah. And you like walk around in like a world that seems kind of north.

It's like New York. And not or something. Don't do that to yourself. It's not or something. Don't we do this sometimes as writers will? Yeah, sure. We go, maybe it's something like this. And it's like, no, own it.

you're a detective in a trench coat with wings and it's uh it's scary new york like it's dark and rainy and you like solve mysteries and stuff but like and then you like take your coat off and you like have these big wings like you're like the devil kind of yeah and we go oh okay yeah this guy's no wonder this guy is such a great detective yeah yeah do you like how many What do you have? So right now, I'm ashamed to say I am less than one.

So I've gone fractional. Really? Yeah. Do you like putty your butt hole? Yeah. So you do know. Why do you know about the stuff if like, you say you're like so disinterested and you like don't get anything about it? Like I don't say I'm disinterested.

You know how Tweedy Bird used to say I taught I taught a putty type? Yeah, he's like, I'm friends with him. Yeah, well, I shouldn't have given him that. You know what? I actually just bailed him out. He was about to say, who? I could see it on his face. I could see it on his face.

Yeah, it was pretty clear on his face. Anyway, um, Tweed who what? Yeah, we should have hung him out to dry, but I honestly, he'd just slither out of another one. What I learned about this guy? Slick Willie. I am having the butt procedure that like Casey is, Casey is my surrogate. Okay.

So it is kind of like growing on his side. And from what? Does it come from? I am hearing. We might have an extra one. We might be doubly blessed this time around. It's like, it's so early and like I'm not even supposed to talk about it. But the tests are looking good,

and it seems like we may both be able to complete our butt families. So wait, you didn't remove butt. You started from a place. I've gone fractional, but Casey, who was kind enough to use himself as host for Hayes' new butt, as sometimes happens. It appears that the butt cells have. divided and begun to Propagate okay and we might be welcoming two happy healthy butts into the Hollywood handbook family from really really exciting

We had three one one eight three viable yeah one eight one of the other ones Oh, which is which honestly might be good you know so much about this I mean, I went to college. I went to UCLA. Okay. What, I just want to clear this up.

You want, you're happy with the size. You're not trying to rebuild. You don't have, you're not, you don't have misgivings about taking it fractional. Uh, no.

So I am currently in a situation where, um, because the treatments I was undergoing, sections of my butt collapsed irreparably. And I, I no longer have what could be characterized as a full and functioning butt. So your butt is like what you hear Michael Jackson's nose was toward the end. Not my favorite analogy, but sure.

You know, if that helps you wrap your head around it, by the way, I don't have to bring up a nose having issues around Hayes, but I guess we don't care who we offend. And none of that stuff is related to any of the other stuff that he did. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's completely unrelated. Yeah. I've never written a song.

And I have another insult for you. Which is, you know what I say about people who go to UCLA? Drop the B. UCLA ruins. Where'd you go to school? I didn't. He's very focused, I'm noticing, on the experience of someone who does not have something that he is supposed to have.

And he's like, you're just okay with that? Like, you're just admitting to the world that people expect you to have your entire butt. Have something that they're like, but aren't you supposed to lie when you want to have something that's saying? Something that people are excited to look at and maybe has a lot of hype around it. And then it's time for the big reveal. You're not just going to try to pretend right up until the last minute.

I'm still, I want to get back to your butt. you're you took it fractional you were heading in that direction yeah then it collapsed and and you lost more than you had wanted to lose lost a couple good men but could the collapse could some structural yes uh sort of retaining wall type um uh elements okay am i correct that you were just hoping to grow one but and a second second one happily came along. It's early to call, but yes, it's looking like that might possibly happen, yes. Would you ever, because that second one is an unexpected blessing, like help him to?

So that is what I was trying, when I was touching his shoulder. That's where we've been for a little while. And I said we might have an extra one. I could have been more clear. Like I said, I'm not supposed to talk about those stuff. Yeah. But because it's so early. Well, and he doesn't want to get my hopes up because, of course, it would be huge for me.

Do you have some kind of insurance? Do you have an insurance in case Casey grows too close to the butts and decides to keep them? Yeah. Names the butt himself. Yeah. And so part of my fear is it hard to extract a butt? Yeah. I don't know.

I mean, he's like the sort of the contractual piece of all this, you know. Okay. My concern is that when you board the plane to a non-extraditing country, that Casey will already be there having booked because of his butt situation, an entire row and the row on the other side of the aisle. And the two of you will, will get away with three things that are very precious to be. Yes.

Literally all of the booty. Mm-hmm. And those three things being a story. And two butts, what's for me? What for my friend? Yeah, the entire budget of the film. Mm-hmm. Which we were hoping to get some sort of reward for exposing you.

wouldn't be bad if some of it came my way we're you know saved our buddy david all this money does love but i keep by keeping you state side so uh so yeah it's a concern it's a fear that we have but truth is fact of the matter we keep on trucking we'll be fine either way i sleep great at night because I made my movie not we saw it which is fine which is fine Richie what's his movie called

it's called Bugs Bunny versus Dracula yeah yeah so it's cool it's cool we couldn't get

bugs for it you know but that's just that's what this biz is you adapt like you put a comma and you can just they just kind of drew a comma on the poster

bugs bunny it's bugs yeah and the money as well bunny versus they ended up not being able to get multiple bugs either oh so they did have to the way we shot it make the comma extra big so it would covers the ass

as well but we got Phil Rosen all the came out he came in okay He takes, you know, he takes a bite of a hot dog. He says, like, this is the best hot dog I've ever had. Like, that was kind of like a tie-in with somebody feed Phil. So, like, that was helpful for us. We asked him to do it kind of in a Dracula type.

Yeah, we weren't able to get Dracula, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we got him on. Mm-hmm. You feel. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was, you know, I'm proud of it. I'm happy with it. it, you know, it's not ever going to look exactly the way it did in your head when you drew it up. Obviously, I literally drew a picture of Bugs Bunny fighting Dracula when I drew it up, and that did not end up being the final result. But it was still cool. In terms of the Rotten Tomato score, are we at a 96?

No, you know, not right now, but there's always room for it to grow. We did get a 9 and a 6. Okay. That's good. That's a good start. Yeah. Like, for some reason, there were two different Rod Tomatoes pages.

One was a nine and one was a six. I think because the title of the movie changed so many times. Oh, they just kept. And I was like, you can't just integrate them and they're like, well, no, we gave this movie a nine. Okay, why is this one worse? One had the change is the name. One spelled Dracula with a K.

And so it was just like, okay. And then I was like, well, can you combine them? minutes of 15 and they were like, no, it would be like a seven and a half or something if we combined them. So I was like, we'll just leave it because at least I got one nine up there. And that's the page then he can send to people as the nine page. Gotcha. Yeah. Got it. Just like sniffing double digits.

Yeah. Which would be huge for me. I mean, I wish you luck with the fake movie. I'm so happy that you're able to make it here. Obviously, tell Seth we said hi. If he actually wants us to do the show. I mean, I could put in a good word for you. Sure, I mean, I wouldn't be against it.

Hayes, are you down for that? Could be a funny episode of the show. We're there. Is he going to be doing like his political stuff? We don't want to get tied up in that stuff, you know? I mean, it's kind of separate from the interviews. He does, you know, political stuff in the beginning. And then the interviews started out of both.

Like, I don't really want that in the episode that I'm at, you know what I mean? It's late. When I'm watching it, it's late. I just want to relax. Okay. So if you could just give him, tell him thank you so much. Bye. Bye.

I'm Nick Tuturo. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, the longest yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast delivering happiness with Nick Totoro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice. with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.

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