Hollywood Handbook - Will Hines, Our Election Friend

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

The Boys welcome back WILL HINES to explain what the heck even happened.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast balloon shaving contest shaving cream on the balloon don't let it pop got to get all the shaving cream off it's me it's graham norton it's kelly brooke brock and we are all being a little bit cheeky and i'm pretending the balloon is one of my butt cheeks at one point and i pop it i say oh wow i've been shot in the ass you know somebody my ass popped yeah my ass exploded my ass popped so somebody's in the rafters with a sniper rifle. Catch them. That's British humor. Absolutely.

No, it's a little dry. It's a little. It's bone dry, and it's irreverent, and it's smart. You have to understand the human anatomy. You have to understand the human anatomy. You have to understand how preposterous, how absurd it would be for a bullet to actually explode one of your ass cheeks like a balloon,

especially from a sniper rifle. So that aspect of the comedy was going over really well. What I didn't realize was that i was bleeding that i did have because when i popped the balloon with the razor blade i had shaved you know a large portion of my uh of my butt just like through the jeans and just like yeah right below my hip so i'm goofing around like oh no you know somebody get a doctor like kind of flailing and just like just being all over the place and i'm getting blood on the couch on graham

on kelly and you know on the audience and i'm running around and i'm you know the the laughter is turned into screams and i'm thinking that it's it's going so well right but i i also am assuming that they're sort of playing along as they start to bring in a doctor and um and take me to the hospital and i'm saying it's a little too far now for me but i had you know at that point i had lost a lot of blood you keep a lot of blood in there oh it's just like we could just say it that's anatomy lesson yeah a lot of your blood's gonna live in your butt though you specifically i mean oh i store so much in there because i want that part to be warm welcome to my show hollywood handbook and i'm so honored to help you make your show, Mr. Hayes.

And this is sort of a guide to butt. We said butt before. Butt and dropping names. And every once in a while, yeah, we do get a little political on here. This is the new world of... Well, who's thinking about anything else right now like honestly what are we going to talk about that would be interesting to anyone in the midst of one of the biggest politics seasons of recent memory and i'm gonna recap uh you know fear the walking dead for the

bazillionth time we could do both we're already afraid of it we're fearing do both it might come up it might come up uh and so we have a major president today yeah and we wanted to bring someone to do the show who has had some unsuccessful appearances in the past, but this one I think will be sort of like a pivot. Well, and what I'll say, honestly, is it's important to talk about this, that in America and on this podcast, we believe in second chances. And in the case of our presumptive president-elect, third chances, right?

And in the case of our guest, fifth, sixth, seventh chances. And there's no reason to think that they can't turn this thing around. It's just never too late. can't turn this thing around it's just never too late so we've talked about this um on our premium show this phenomenon where we and a lot of our peers uh in comedy have taken our storytelling ability our powers of perception and have been lending them to the cause of truth and justice for the last few years uh and nobody embodies that more i feel like than our guests today will hines bill uh mr bill uh is here to oh no mr bill yeah uh we'll talk about this kind of this move that you have made to um to essentially stop doing comedy for a while and get very political and and sort of this the big win

that you and the rest of the comedy community finally pulled off this week. And get some long-deserved sleep after this podcast appearance because I know you've been grinding. Yeah, non-stop. Non-stop. Do I just start talking or do I have to wait for you to actually introduce me? We just did introduce you. We said your name.

Bill Hines. One of the longest introductions we've ever done i see okay um yeah uh yeah me and my my other fellow comedians have really been putting the time in to get the right thing done to help society and it worked out the right the right guy won and that's and a and a lot of the credit does go to i think to comedians and and and other people who and stop and let me stop you before we get too far in the weeds here because i think a lot of people listening are lost what the heck happened yeah just like basically what happened would be great you mean like in the election like what happened okay what happened in the election what

happened before that uh would be i think useful for context yeah context and just really like what what what if it was so i know because i'm definitely a comedian who's I'm a I mean, I'm a this is why we're here. Yeah. And I made a huge pivot to focus exclusively on politics for the past several years and really doubled down in the last like six or seven months. Yeah. Tremendous personal sacrifice. Huge personal sacrifice. I've let go my career in lots of ways. I had to go from teaching six improv classes a week down to four. You know, I had to really back off on that and just to really focus on crafting the right tweets and, you know, and also just like reading everything so that I was informed so that I wasn't behind. And this is what is like information.

Like, this is what we really want to talk about today is like digging deep on this. What happened? Who anyone is? Who anyone is going? What are they talking about? What are they? Yeah. Like where are we?

What level of question are you asking? You want to like what just happened in the election this past Tuesday because it was sort of complicated. We do want it. Yes, we want to. We do want to talk about that. Yes, we also want to talk about what happened before that. What's happening right now, like in the campaigns or the primaries? You mean like Joe Biden overcoming Bernie Sanders?

Stop. Stop. Too much. OK, no, no, no. I mean, this is perfect. OK, when you said in the weeds, do you just mean what I mentioned? Sort of any proper noun or specific? Is that in,

when I say Joe Biden, is that in? Well, we're getting, we're getting granular, aren't we? When we start to talk about, um,

I believe you called him Joe bidet. Yeah. I didn't say that, but I, I, I, yeah. And we know about that.

About like, we know about it. About Joe Biden becoming president president like we are like we definitely are thinking about this right yeah oh yeah okay but the question but like it goes deeper than that right it absolutely goes deeper but it's like what happened you know we can say all these names and people are like saying all this stuff but it's like two names mr show-off man with the name not not not showing off at all i said joe biden was president i haven't even said who he beat and i said bernie sanders was the other name i said and we can keep

saying this right and people are i am like what like where you go out there and people are saying all this stuff and saying all these people. They're writing it down. No, he's not to interrupt. They're writing it down. Let me ask you guys, how deep have you been in following the news on the election and everything before it? I'm looking at it. Period.

Okay, just like now or just like that's your, okay. Well, I mean, like it's there um okay well i mean like yeah how it's there how deep yeah how deep geez about six feet pretty deep okay um no i mean like right are you asking me yeah i guess i i mean i'm asking you a question yes i i guess six six feet deep yeah okay well um let's get into how long it took for the results to come in, right? The election was Tuesday and a winner wasn't. For what? For president of the United States.

Okay. Of which? Of which? Then you can say that. Of which one? You can say, yeah. Which the current, I mean, for the 46th president of the United States, for the 46th. Okay.

That's a lot? It really doesn't matter. It's just how many. I don't know if it's a lot. It's got to be. I don't think it's considered. I think actually America is a pretty young country. Probably 46 heads of state is not a lot compared to like.

It just depends on, I guess when you say a number, I guess it just depends on what you're talking about. Because it's like cars? okay, that's so many. No, that's Jay Leno's garage territory at that point. But if it's like rice pieces? It's nothing. No, it's not even a snack. It's not even a snack.

Yeah, exactly. So it really depends, right? No, when you say a number, it's so important what the number is of and so i guess this isn't this isn't like a criticism but like so i think we can probably say that no next time i say what president it is i'll make sure to give context of whether that's a lot if that's a huge number 46 is a medium number of presidents this is a medium medium great perfect okay i'm not gonna say a ton i think you know um but joe biden beat donald trump so that would be like for books huh yeah that's to me that's medium books medium books you know it's not

yeah so many you're never gonna be able to read them but you certainly wouldn't be able to do it on no single like plane ride list no you couldn't read 46 books you could not read 46 books on a single plane ride i think no matter even if you were really a really a big reader but you're not seeing that and being like oh it's so many it's like normal book no it's normal it's a manageable number of books it's medium yeah it's a manageable number of books. It's medium. Yeah. It's a medium number of books or presidents. And Joe Biden is the 46th president of the United States.

It's also, I guess... So helpful. I guess a medium number, I think, of like a tire iron or like a car part thing. And I say it's a medium number because that item is not so big that I wouldn't have anywhere to put that many of it. But I don't know why you would have that many. Yeah.

To me, that actually is a lot. Yeah. Tire irons. It's a lot to have of that. Yeah, I guess it is. Um, I guess it is. I guess it is.

So I think we can just agree that 46 is the medium number of presidents, and that's the number of presidents that we have now had. You said that. At once. I say it, and I stand by it. Okay. And not all at once or at once? Not all at once.

No, no. It's one at a time. You only have one president at a time. And we can that wait wait wait wait wait i do want to talk about this i want to talk about this though because you want to talk about what everyone is saying everyone is saying two huh when we're everyone is saying two yeah there's two people running against each other right you just said one yeah one gets chosen like we end with one are you there's been two people running against each other to become president and now one has okay so that's what i just said and you acted like that was weird i did i'm sorry i i gotta you know what i haven't had a lot of sleep and i'm probably being a little

defensive and let me because there's so much yeah no i yeah there's so much going on and i i gotta you know what i haven't had a lot of sleep and i'm probably being a little defensive and let me because there's so much yeah no i yeah there's so much going on and i i apologize i i shouldn't take that out yeah good because you're treating my friend hayes like shit and then you say like well actually you were right i guess i was just confused when you said okay first you were that's sean said that you were sean asked if we had all the presidents at once, and I was saying no to that. And then you said two, and I thought you meant two presidents at once. But there was two. There were never two presidents at once. There was two people competing with each other to be president.

Who is this? Who ran to become president? Who am I? I'm will let's just start let's just go back like okay let's just go over because i think we have now a better i i think we're kind of all i think we're getting a little this is good but let's go back and like let's okay let's go back we've gone too far forward so and there were and there have been two presidents but there have been two presidents and then some there's been way more than two you said there's never been two presidents at once not at once well i'm sorry i i didn't mean to be misleading there's been no no but there has okay so let's back up a little bit. Yes. You're not curious?

I'm not curious about if there's been two presidents at once? How there's two at once? I don't think there is. I don't think there is two presidents. I don't think there has been two presidents at once. I mean, I don't know why I'm saying I think. I know there's not been two presidents at once. It's weird that I just said I think.

I'm sure. And this is why language is so so so important great note bill yeah it's mostly will my name is usually will i've actually rarely heard myself called bill and i think maybe never mr bill uh occasionally i get called bill but it's it's it's my name is will and somebody will say bill sometimes and I'll let it slide, but I've never really heard it said Mr. Bill. Well, let me tell you how there's two presidents at once because you said who?

Joe Birdman's president right now, yes? Yes, Joe Biden. Depending on who you ask, Dental Tramp. So that's one president at least, and then I am president of the Bill Hines fan club. That's very sweet. That's very sweet.

I'm at once here. That's very nice. So there is two, isn't there? But tough day for Sean in that role to be hearing the guy whose fan club he's president of say that there actually are two presidents when he's sitting right there being another president well i really don't mean to be insensitive about it and thank you for saying you're president of my fan club my name is will i guess you should know that if you're president of my fan club well i'll bring it to the board i

mean i'll talk to the other members but wow there's a there's a board yeah okay look there can be more than one president of once but like of different things like there's president of a board yeah okay look there can be more than one president of once but like of different things like there's president i hold up a two by four oh yeah that's a board if you but he doesn't really he didn't really do it no no but it's if you did yeah when he first said it if you did yeah um so okay i should correct myself there can be more than one president, but not of America. B-O-R-E-D. I knew what you meant. Yeah, if you were holding up a board, that would be... And someone did say that on a different show a long time ago, but like...

What is... What are we talking about right now? Are we making reference to an earlier instance of a board joke? I was hoping to go back to just like start... Let's start... Let's start over. Let's start over. From the front there was an

election on tuesday to determine who would be president of america allegedly and that wasn't the only thing that happened that was not the only thing that happened well first of all there were other elections a lot of other elections happened on two yeah yeah no a lot it was like holy there was other federal how many was that you know i don't know offhand yeah no a lot it was like holy shit there was other federal how many was that you know i don't know offhand there was a lot of elections on tuesday like i don't hundreds i mean if you across the country okay yeah super tuesday huh that term is actually referring to something else um this past tuesday was was not Super Tuesday in terms of elections. Super Tuesday

refers to part of the primary process where they're choosing the candidates. It's funny, I didn't... Even though I have been going hard and deep in politics for the last six months, and I do consider myself to be a political expert, I'm still

surprised at the questions, I guess yeah no this past tuesday was not super tuesday this was just this was the presidential this was the general election that's what it's called okay what's fat tuesday kevin thank you that's really helpful i was thinking that but i was scared to like i wasn't sure if it was okay to say that fat tuesday is uh a cat it's a new orleans i think i'm not no it's not a cat it's. Fat Tuesday is a cat. It's a New Orleans. It's a cat? No, it's not a cat.

It's a cat? It's not a cat. It's the day before. Hello, Fat Tuesday. Fat Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday, and it's in New Orleans. It's a party. That honestly should have been

Garfield's name. Fat Tuesday? Hates Mondays, and let's face it, a little overweight. You think that Garfield just should have been Garfield's name. Fat Tuesday? Hates Mondays and is, let's face it, a little overweight. You think that Garfield just should have been called Fat Tuesday? Well, Garfield has nothing to do with any of it. The name Garfield? What is it? He just doesn't.

He just doesn't. He never has Garfield. I never saw Garfield even once. I guess I never thought about the name of the character as needing to have anything to do with... You've been thinking about all this other stuff. I'm underwater with the political stuff. You've been busy.

Yeah, I've been like... I did a lot of phone banking to try to turn out existing Biden supporters in Georgia. That was like one of the states that people knew was going to go down to the wire. And so as a comedian who wanted to really help, I was like phone banking and calling voters in Georgia and people who we who we thought might be willing to vote for Biden to make sure they did vote. Banking. That struck me, too.

I didn't hear that what i didn't hear that what are you focused on being confused do you mind if i ask you guys a question sure how am i doing this has been my i think i've been on the show this might be like my sixth appearance by far it's not even close yes you can't see the other ones yep okay yeah if you guys don't mind keep me updated if you have a feeling did you want to be compared to your previous appearances or all other guests just my previous appearances

you're doing great I know I've had a couple that I've been looking on the reddit and the forums that really don't get talked about a lot which I know is the reddit way of saying we don't like it no i think that's the reddit way in this case that is very good for you to not have anything said i think there was maybe like off channel conversation like private conversations where they just said you know what i think it's most productive if we just don't talk about this at all. So my appearances were so damaging

that they felt they had to have an off-channel discussion over how to handle it in order to mitigate the damage? I mean, obviously there had to be some kind of conversation about it. Okay, okay. We had it. You did have it. It was the kind of thing where, like,

as soon as the show was over, I'm about to call Sean. I could see that he's already calling me. You know what I mean? Like obviously we are going to have to talk about this. We have to do something. We have to release something. And so I think the decision was we release it. We put it out there.

Yeah. Just like as is. decision was we release it we put it out there yeah just like as is but then we just like we just let it just be there and just like let it be what it is and then we go do and then we do another one okay well i'm glad to i'm glad to help i'm glad to be here and like and if you yes and if you could at some point that would be amazing amazing. Okay. Well, you know what? This actually ties into one of the election stories. I'm just going to sort of sidestep the not-so-quiet insults that were in that, and just sort of say, like, it actually ties into an election, because sometimes you don't get to vote.

You have to kind of, you don't get your first choice when you're picking who to vote for. Like, over the course of the year many people attempted to run for president and if you're someone they run out of that one what's the phrase you're saying they run out they run you go it's you go to do you you say okay this is my i'm voting this one and they say sorry we actually ran out of that one. We just ran out. You have another one. No, there's no interaction when you vote. You don't vote and then a cashier tells you something.

You fill out your choice and that's it. And there's no running out. Well, there's the sticker part. The I voted sticker? Well, that's another part. You said that's it. I mean, that's a part. Yeah. Okay, that's true. Yeah, you get an I voted sticker and well that's another part you said that's it part yeah okay that's true yeah you get an i voted sticker um almost always yeah if you vote by mail or they run out of that unless

they run out i guess there might be a way that they run out of i voted stickers i've actually never heard of that happening i feel like everybody gets an i voted sticker but i guess theoretically they could run out in a perfect world. Yeah. In a perfect world, they never run out. And also in a perfect world, so many vote more than ever. Every even every people and animals. Yes. I yeah, I guess it would be great to line up all the animals from the forest come out.

Beautiful animals wouldn't vote, but that would be nice if... They all line up, all the animals from the forest come out. Beautiful. Yeah, animals wouldn't vote, but that would be nice if there was a big voter turnout. How are you not crying, Will, when Hayes describes this to me? I am losing it. I can't believe this, Will. You say, how will we save the society?

Who will come help us to defeat yeah and you turn behind and you hear and it's how about me and there's a bear in a camo bulletproof vest and he's what what the bear has a camo bulletproof vest? Yeah. Do you think that's just the nature of bears, or is this a particular bear who feels... This bear is here. Who will help? And this bear, I will. And his paw, you know,

he's holding like a fried dough from the fair or something. What fair? Wait, he's got a bulletproof vest and he went to a fair? Yes. You can't... How are those two things not together? Well, I can't imagine why anybody would be wearing a bulletproof vest, but then also going to a fair, bear or human. Like you're either in a line of work where a bulletproof vest is required to keep you safe, or you're going to a fair, right? Because somebody who has a job go to a fair?

Yes. Thank you. So the bear is there and he turns and who's he holding hands with? With his hand that doesn't have the fried dough? But it's none other than it's like an armadillo and he's got like tech pants on. What are tech pants?

They're like, you know, almost like they'd be good for like hiking or camping pants. Like they're like, there's a company called Kuhl, K-U-H-L. And so like he's in some cool radicals, radical spelled with a K, which are these tech pants.

They're light. They're light. They're comfy. You could wear them to an office with a casual dress code. And Armadillo has them on. And he's cut a little hole in the butt for his tail to come through. And he says, and me too. And they all vote.

He's got cotton candy, you know. Fat Tuesday's in line. Fat Tuesday's there. So they went to a fair. Hey, Fat Tuesday. So wait, they all went to the fair and then went from the fair to voting? Yeah, from work to the fair to voting. Some of them went to the fair.

Those two did. They didn't all go and then this isn't a perfect world where everybody's a stag like a horse no that's a deer kind of you know what sure yeah whatever for like what we have time for uh uh sure a horse yes i'm so confused okay i um so we're talking about in a perfect world where all people and animals are voting this bear with a it's about the stickers really they would they would have no more stickers they run out of stickers in this perfect world where everybody's voting so maybe the bear and the armadillo and fat tuesday don't get a sticker. They ran out.

Okay. I think that would still be okay. As long as people get to vote, if they don't get the sticker, I think people would be... Yeah, not only would it be okay, but it would actually be in a perfect world. So this is in a perfect world. Part of what makes it perfect is that they run out of stickers. That's a good thing. Because of so many votes.

So much voter turnout. And from the animals there actually was a very high turnout in this election i think it's the highest turnout ever i think like more people voted now that is a lot yes unlike the number 46 which we again it depends it's not like the number 46 is you're right i didn't take your note. I said a number. I didn't give context. We said for a piece of rice, that is actually like. That'd be nothing. Well, no, that would be small.

But for something else, it would be huge. Right. Well, I can't remember how many people voted. But it was the highest turnout of any election. Okay. So what happened? Okay. When you ask that that what are you thinking of like what are you when you're saying what happened what what's in your mind that i'm thinking of i have a guest who knows what happened can he help me okay there was an election for president and joe biden beat

donald trump it was pretty close uh in our And you just said it was the most. Yeah, that's not contradictory. Like the most people voted, but they were very divided between the two candidates. Okay. It's actually even more complicated than that because in terms of just sheer numbers, there was actually a pretty big difference. But we give more weight to rural voters. And so if you factor in that weight. The forest.

Yeah, the forest. Yes. Incidentally, yeah. People who live in a forested area, that would count as rural, probably. They get more. In a way, yeah. Their votes get weighted more. Yeah.

Okay. To balance out the cities, which get weighted less. And what were the names of the people so we have the like the two right but what were the names of the people who voted yes well i don't know i mean there's millions of people who voted so i don't have their names like who voted so i don't have their names like okay that's like millions and like like what's just like 10 of them i think it would just be helpful to be like as we're talking you keep that would help just for the listeners and for me so like i think it would be helpful just to say like just like some of them and like talk about who they are so you can have like a face to like

picture as you're like thinking about this you already said that the animals didn't and fat tuesday didn't so like who act who yeah no and i we're putting a lot of pressure on you and i thought of another animal that could have been voting and so maybe this will help you because i'm giving any i'm giving an example so like it could be like a steampunk owl who has like big kind of metal goggles on and he's holding just like a cup of dipping sauce. Like he's maybe drinking the sauce.

Okay. Maybe it was like the fair had like churros All the animals went to the fair. Served with like a you know chocolate. Yeah. Like a dulce de leche or something yeah and so he's just he didn't want the churros for whatever reason but he's like can i just have the sauce maybe his friend was buying you know something and they said okay metallic wings are like the feathers are kind of like oh yeah clanking the stovepipe hat

with like uh yeah um some kind of metal like fixture big bolts and screws on it or something i was trying to look up i was trying to look up how many people voted it and i have no idea why i was trying to get an actual number that doesn doesn't matter. So the animals are wearing top hats. They all go to the fair. Sometimes from jobs. They're not all wearing top hats. And we said earlier that they did not all go to the fair. Only some of them went.

Okay, sorry. The stag didn't go, which, again, for the time available to us, as far as we're concerned. Let's just call it a horse, let's just say sure. We could just say it was a deer. We could just say it was a deer that I got a horn. No, we don't have time to go through that. It's a quick change.

We could just say the stag was a deer. I just forgot. It's very obvious that that conversation will take longer than we have. I really don't think it will. We've weirdly spent so much more time in talking about how much longer it would take than just to correct me. So, Jess, I think as far as we're concerned, today, that can just be a horse. To put your mind at ease, let's just call it for now a horse.

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slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys in terms of naming people who voted i could think of 10 people who voted but i i don't did did you guys vote all set hayes and sean did you vote kevin did you vote i'll let them go first i'll let them go first as well. I was definitely awake. Okay. That's good. I remember that. Yeah. And I... What are you figuring out right now?

I was definitely like... I remember I was like looking around. Uh-huh. You know? Yes. I do know. The idea of looking around you know yes I do know the idea of looking around yes I know and I'm seeing something was the voting

at the fair no there was no single wait you were making a point when you asked that question I don't even know of any fairs i don't really know of any fairs that happened on tuesday i'm sure there was a fair somewhere in america you're

saying that the election is not fair no no i'm just saying i don't know you don't know of any fairs that happened on tuesday and so that would mean that this actually what happened was not fairs i i don't feel that way at all i i think the election was exactly what you just i would i misspoke by using a word because i've heard other people being like that are saying this that there were there was no uh no fairs that happened no fair there are people who think that the election was not fair. And you said that. The president who lost, I don't believe that. I just meant to say that.

The president who lost. Yes. But you said there's only one president. Yes, so the existing president lost the election, and he will be replaced by the new president. So is he the president who lost, or is he the former president so is he the president who lost or is he the former president he's currently the president who lost and he will become the former president and the guy who won is the what president elect the president to be he will be president okay is that hard so like there's there's just

there's a job called president and one person gets it at a time do you hear yourself uh yes yes okay what's i i don't see your point how i from the tone of your voice, I feel that I have been got several times, but I am confused as to how I'm got. The only thing I regret so far is saying a stag is a horse. Again, we just... Which it is for our purposes.

It's, you know, for the remainder of the show anyway. As far as we're concerned, it is. And we can do, I guess, like a whole other episode about that or something like but today so in the weeds we do not have time there is so much to get into i did not mean to say the election was not fair uh the current president thinks the election was not fair and there there are other people uh who support him who think the election was not fair i just meant to say i do not know of any fairs any like carnivals uh you know festivities that are that happened on tuesday and you were there at the thing i don't know happened well you said you

like you're describing like what what wasn't there as if like you know exactly as if like you were so like i i was i was near i went by where voting happened so you were just like passing right by you like saw that it was happening and i mailed my vote in so for me the act of voting was not like really at a location i like mailed in my ballot okay not but you didn't mail it to a location because i didn't see you there and like as i said i was like looking around awake you said you were awake and looking around yeah so so does that mean i wasn't in your house like i i mailed it from my house like for me the election happened in my living room and i put it in a mailbox and it went to a ballot counting center. Conceded. It went to a what?

Conceded. You're calling me conceited or I conceded something? You're telling me. You're telling on yourself. For me, the election happened in my living room. Mr. Center of the universe. That's not what I meant at all i just hayes asked me if i was there and for me being there and the election was when i was in my apartment voting

that's you know my my act of voting occurred in my apartment i didn't say like who isn't like who is like in charge of any of this yeah that's an interesting question amen i how would i answer that i guess finally we're getting somewhere like who is um who is like the boss of this you know yeah i guess every state i'm not actually even sure how to answer this every state has a like or a committee or whatever that runs elections so there there's 50 they're like a secret team i don't know if they're secret i bet you they're publicly listed they're not like people don't generally know who they are but i think just because they don't pay attention or look at heaven i just want to like no kevin say

it if you're gonna say it say it They're an itty bitty committee. No, say the word that's missing. Just say that word all by itself. Say it. Say the word. Shitty? Nope. Diddy? Kevin, that's very close, but you now you have to say it and this is your punishment.

You say the word right now. You don't get to make me think the word and you keep your mouth clean tt yes thank you thank you thank you okay now we can proceed i've lost track of where we were i think you were asking who was in charge yeah who is like this secret team i don't think they're secret i think every state has like i don't even know how it's appointed probably sometimes by the governor and sometimes by the legislature i'm not actually sure but every state has a body or a committee that is in charge of running the elections and

counting them and monitoring them now kevin you made me think of the word again because of what you said before. So you do have to say it again. Well, and especially when Will's saying every state has a body. So now this has got me all like... Because we're trying to just do the show and help people understand what happened with the election. And you see how that's not productive, Kevin,

and to a lesser extent, Bill. Still will. TT. Thank you. So... Okay, yeah, so I don't mean to put any suggestive images in your minds, first of all. I'm sorry.

And... So where is everyone right now? Where is just everyone in the country? No, where... Like Where is just everyone in the country? No, where... Where's everyone in the country? In the country. Where is... Right.

Like, where are all these people... The people who ran the elections? Where are they? And their boss. Yes. Where are the... Those two? where are those uh the ones who the people who voted who you uh were unable to name the name of a single one i i voted i'm somebody voted will hines is somebody who voted again okay that's one very conceited conceited as hell i i suppose in a way yes that i thought of myself first kevin

did you vote sort of i did uh i dressed up as a mailbox and twerked so yes okay so you did not vote that means no that's voting no no you have to fill out a ballot i ate paper in my mailbox costume so you might have stopped other people from voting depending on how good your costume was. I assume not good enough to fool anybody into mailing things. I mean, if you were twerking. Oh, shots fired. Okay, Phil.

Okay, we'll show it a little bit of backbone, and he's coming for Kevin's mailbox costume. Guess who just left the fan club this you were in the fan club intense i was on the board finally the show i mean this is really opening it up fireworks between bill and kevin i did not mean to insult you i was just saying if you dressed up as a mailbox and twerked i don't think that would look realistic even if you were chewing paper i don't think that means that people were assuming you were a real mailbox and shoving their ballots into your mouth it's really not meant as a personal insult it's more my compliment to people's general level of intelligence it would just help for me to know where everyone is okay if we could talk about that it would help me know like okay where to go

well it's over now there's nowhere to go the election's done like there's there's nowhere to go right but everyone is still walking around yes everyone who voted is still around right and and so where are we all going i guess is my question. Where am I supposed to go now? And how come there's so many like just people who voted? Well, OK. Yeah. I mean, there's just a lot of people in America who are allowed to vote. It's just a big country with a lot of people.

It's been that way for a long time. I don't know how to answer why that is the case but that is just did rango vote rango rango vote is that a cartoon character i don't know who you mean by rango you've been so yes you have very been very focused on this on like on political we are the show talking about movies and like culture uh so sean i'm just trying to give the audience something to latch on to yes like this would be i think helpful for a lot of people to reach your audience stand it a little better by having kind of having rango be at like the center of this just so people have something to like picture you name yourself.

And we can build out from there. Right. He did not vote. He's a fictional character. Rango did not vote because he's a fictional character, so he couldn't vote. Whoever voiced him or who did his voice? Johnny Depp. Okay.

Then Johnny Depp probably voted. He's got a lot going on right now. I guess he does. Yeah. But I think he still voted probably. Actually, I don't know. But he's an a lot going on right now he i guess he does yeah but i think he still voted probably um actually i don't know but he's an american i bet he did he's really he's got a ton going on it still doesn't take that long to vote especially if you mail your ballot in there was a lot of you a lot of states have let you mail in ballots for some time, and this year a lot more did. You don't hear it, right? Like, you don't hear it when you're being conceded.

No. I guess I don't, especially if you do what I did. I did it so fast. I'm so fast at it, and if you do what I did. It's not meant as a brag. It just is truly easy. You go to a mailbox. I mean, really, it's twerking.

What's that Kevin? Mailbox maybe got a badonk. Mailbox got that wagon. So I'm sort of putting the pieces together and based on what you're saying Will. Yeah. I think it is possible that you are right

and Johnny Depp exited the Fantastic Beasts franchise in order to vote. Okay, I didn't mean to imply that. I have no idea. I don't think that would have anything to do with whether or not... You may have stumbled into something

that is actually really interesting, which is that Johnny Depp was given a choice based on how much, you know, it has a lot going on in his life right now. Just bandwidth availability of resources that you could, that he could complete. Do you mean like the legal charges and the accusations against him of domestic? I mean,

how much he has going on. Yes. In general. Okay. Yes. Just in general. Okay. Yes. It's like to-do list wise. And given the choice, really like actually rocks

to either vote or not exit the Fantastic Beasts franchise. He did exit the Fantastic Beasts franchise. He did exit the Fantastic Beasts franchise and he did cast his vote and voted for and then who?

We wouldn't know who he voted for. He would have voted for either Joe Biden or Donald Trump. This is what doesn't make sense to me. They say at the end they say we vote so they say it's this right right they pick a winner yeah they don't know who well they know who the winner is do you mean they don't know who voted you just said yes how am i in trouble so they so you say

they don't know who johnny depp voted for right because so how are we supposed to know this well that's that's kind of interesting i suppose like um you vote anonymously like you vote in a way that i think how are you getting me i how is that a gotcha i'm trying to clarify if you don't know that you can't afford it I don't know it's more like the fantastic votes and where to find them right Bill it's Will and you stay I think with

and now I'm saying I didn't expect to be saying this Kevin but I think you stay with the horny stuff. The TTs and like the. The porno stuff. The porno stuff. It's either that or nothing at all. I think I don't.

So I can't ask if Rango Star voted. Rango's. So that's interesting. That is interesting. Yes. He just said Rango Star. That's interesting. Yeah interesting yes he just said rango star that's interesting yeah did he vote so he took the character that you were talking about and then via a pun mentioned referred to a different person ringo star interesting okay well this is now something that kevin has created

in his imagination right and all of our imaginations kevin's in particular are very powerful and these are basically worlds that we can create that we can do whatever we want and so he voted now are you asking me at the end of that are you looking you are the mr like this political guy okay right you are on this show okay sorry yes just making sure so you are asking me if rango star voted you're mr beetle are you putting that question to me i would say no because that is not a thing that exists and if it did exist i think it would be a fictional cartoon character. And it might go a little something like this, right? And then you go into it. That's not what I was going to do.

I'm not going to try to do the voice. Now he's done Rango Star, but maybe I'd like to meet Mango Star. Is he in there, Will? I haven't done Rango Star. I ain't doing Mango Star. I'm not. I really wouldn't even know how to do mango star well you can't you can't touch the mango love yeah he said oh you can't touch the mango love

can't touch the mango love that would be pretty good yeah i guess that would be mango can't touch hello peace and love i am a mango you can't touch the mango. You can't touch the mango. You can't touch the mango. Oh, it was in the mangoes. You never, don't you have a show about this? Yeah, don't you have a show about politics where you like get really into it? Yeah, and we're doing it right now. But you have a whole show about. Yeah, I do.

I have a podcast about the Beatles. Yeah, that's true. And you never talk about mango we've never talked about mango star we've never talked about rango star we've never talked about rango even in unadulterated like we've never gotten into it because i think it just got made up right it just got made up like a couple moments ago like kevin made up rango star but it was right there for you i mean everyone was just looking at it you know we've got an email from our listeners and i i can't believe i'm even

entertaining this but i am not so sure that people were on the verge of waiting for my beatles podcast to talk about rango star i don't think that was something that was mango star or mango star yes thank you i don't think either one was on the verge of being talked about fandango star fandango star fandango star fandango star jango star okay that one you don't like and so like what you're essentially saying is that all of these people voted no No, I'm not saying that. These are all fictional creatures who none of them could vote. And even though you said it's the most.

The most people voted, yeah. It was the biggest turnout of any presidential election. Kangol star. That's pretty good. Yeah. You could picture it at least unlike what you were doing when i said jango star this is um jango unstarred we didn't get there we didn't really get uh yeah we didn't get as far as i thought we would get we ended up having. We ended up really getting stuck on the thing about a stag being a horse.

So much of this was just in your living room. I just felt like we were going to talk about the country, and we wound up like, yes, the horse thing. You did make it all about yourself. Completely derailed it. I admit, I talked more about myself than I thought I would. We did spend longer on the stag.

When I said it, I really thought it was going to be a momentary slip up that we would correct in seconds we honestly did not have any even close to enough time and you see now we're out right yeah yeah we didn't get it I yeah just so much of it took place in your living room this whole podcast was about that so how did I do as a guest? How did I do as a guest? I'll say this. And this is actually to the people on the forums and the commenters and stuff.

I think we just say, let's just stay very quiet this week. This is one, yes, where I think the less said the better. Because I think discretion is the better part of valor in this case. And that your silence would be deafening. So to the Reddit community, my brothers and sisters,

my family, let's this time just take the week off and you deserve that you deserve that we've been saying it is time to take a week off and this is that weekend just please no comment this week

Bill anything to plug? no I don't know I don't know I don't think I need to plug anything. I do a variety of podcasts and I'm not sure even how they exist in the context of this conversation. You know what? I will. I'm going to plug.

Am I really doing plugs? Yeah. Plug away. I like to plug a podcast that I'm really doing called I Will Write Your Book. like to plug a podcast that I'm really doing called I Will Write Your Book in which I pretend to be a ghost author writing books and comedian friends of mine

come on and they are characters who want books written. That's a podcast I'm doing called I Will Write Your Book. Sounds funny. I think it's funny. Yeah. I just said it sounds like it. What's the book about? What book? There's a different one every episode

depending on the guest so it's not just there's not just one book this is sort of like when we ask you to name 10 voters so you can go ahead and just pick one um okay there was there was uh there was one where a guy um somebody wanted a book written an eat pray love style why do you not want to say who uh anthony king okay yeah i like him sorry yes my friend and my friend and yours and yours anthony king i think he's great kingo star kingo star yeah he maybe could go by the name of kingo star that would probably you didn't do that we did not call him kingo Star. Didn't come up. Okay. So he could come back then. Maybe he'll come back and we'll call him Kingo Star. But he did an episode where he wanted an eat, pray, love style book written as a guy.

Eat, pray, love. Eat, pray, love. That's how he would say it, I guess, if he was being Kingo Star. Yeah, he'd be like that. You didn't do that either. It didn't feel... It didn't feel... It didn't feel... I just want people to go, and maybe you say

now you take this and you will take it back to the show. Coming up! So people maybe don't go back to the back catalog, but in future episodes maybe they can... Look forward to Kingo Star coming on and saying, Ypres love.

What the appetite. So what was the book going to be about? It doesn't matter. Just listen to the podcast if you like it. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.