Hollywood Handbook - Wine Ot? with Gil Ozeri

Episode Date: August 17, 2021

The Boys talk to GIL OZERI about his new wine podcast. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, you know, the big day has finally come and it's taken a lot of planning, of course, like the schedule coordinating and everything has been totally in Sonia, but I... La la la la la las lasagna remember that song so i am like yes the food the the water with this fruit in it the fruit water toilet um other the napkins the toilet everything has been perfectly appointed and i can hear my wife's brand new Lexus pull into the driveway with the bow still on it. She drove it out with the bow on that morning. She said, I can't cut this off.

It's so heavy. It's so big. It's a metal bow. It had been welded on there because of the... It's part of the car. It's the same material as the car. It's car material because I said like otherwise it doesn't look like it just looked wrong when i had the big ribbon so i said you know this is part of the gift

but she's and it's scratched up she i think went under like an overpass and so the bows a little she should not have done that and i thank you thank you because i didn't because i didn't want to say it but i am i will say i think it's fair to say i agree with my friend take the exit onto the highway go up onto the highway and then take the next exit off down go around it's a fine piece of machinery it's toyota's luxury shingle so i so i am now uh you know i see the car but i go whatever like i just don't want anything to spoil this moment and i go hide hide everybody get down and i turn down the lights and we're behind the couch and um she comes in and she's sort of like putting bags down or something

and she's muttering to herself about the bow and how loud it was going into the parking garage. And I am like sort of waiting and I go, okay, now. And one at a time, Collins, Reinhart, Sins, they all start to stand up and she's going, what the fuck is like, why are these women in my house? And I go, you said that you love lilies. I say you wanted lilies. I say you wanted lilies. So I've collected some of the most beautiful lilies in the world. Lily Reinhart.

Yes. Lily Simmons. Simmons, Simons. Okay. One of them. I don't know how to. We didn't do a deep dive on her last name. She was one of them so i don't know how to i didn't like we didn't do a deep dive on her last name she was like one of the last is there a big lily so now i wonder you were talking no i mean i

i guess i i wonder i mean you like talk to me mostly about the preparations but not exactly like what the thing what was the toilet why did you have to clean the toilet no i know but one of these women wants to use the toilet i don't want to buy a new you were like shopping for a toilet you had to like pick a new toilet i cleaned it before i installed it yeah you cleaned it okay okay here was my thinking and maybe this is crazy there are these very high-end luxurious japanese toilets that have all kinds of machinery to them yeah and they can do things to your body yeah you would not even dream of and i'm thinking well she's got this brand new lexus so she's putting her butt onto a very luxurious high-end machine so she's gonna come home and sit down on a it might hurt her fucking

kohler that could actually really injure her butt you're right on like some dumb old american standard just a lump of porcelain no i want her to be especially with the lilies right out there but she is now jealous why do you have three women hiding in my house right and then i'm like what did you mean and she says the flower and I go, you didn't say that. So it was now I'm wondering I'm off the toilet thing. Sort of where was what? What happened with Lilly Singh? I'm wondering.

I'm hearing this arrangement and like, I don't know who Lilly Simmons is. But and Lilly Singh is not there? Lilly Singh was taping her show. It was during a taping. And this was the only time the other three Lilly's could do it. Is it the show on so, so late? Yeah, but that's not when they tape it. Is it the latest show ever? That's not when they tape it.

And actually, she came. It's not live. And she came. By the time her show aired from that taping, she was there. She had arrived. She wasn't there for the surprise part, but she showed up. But basically, I see her coming up the driveway. What was she driving?

I think she pulled up an Alfa Romeo romeo stelvio oh my god with quadrifoglio transmission and she's and she's coming down the walk and i'm trying to signal i'm in the i'm like the lily thing didn't work out i'm looking hope she's got flowers because otherwise my wife's not having none of it. Iowa was not the best baby shower I had ever thrown. And none of her friends were there. Her family wasn't there. Her mom wasn't there and her family wasn't there. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, Gil.

Gil, an insider's guide to kicking butt and seeing Gil and talking to Gil in the red carpet line back closets that we call recording studios that's right that's right i like the intimacy here you know what i'm saying it is very very intimate in this space always we get very close we get very close. We get very physical. We lick our lips a lot. Well, and Gil, you build your character's bottom up. And so I know that you're someone who, if you want to try out a new voice on this show, you'll throw on a different pair of shoes.

That's right. I like to record next to your shoes. I like being around my shoes. Because that's what will allow you to be, yeah, to become the chameleon that we know you to be. Well, yes. I mean, usually method actors have to put on the costume. They got to get, just to feel, to feel.

They had to walk around like the character. I like to put the shoes on. What's that shoe saying? What's this shoe? What's that shoe say? That shoe says just do it. Yeah. That's exactly.

It says, rawr, I'm a leopard. This one says just do it yeah that's exactly it says roar i'm a leopard this one says just do it this okay show and this one right over here says yeah i'm uh roar i'm i'm fierce i'm a leopard i'm fierce i'm a leopard stay out of stay out of my way did you bag that one? Yeah, I did. I also bagged this one, too. See this plaid one? You bagged the creature? You bagged that. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Wow. That's exactly what I did. Mm-hmm. Slaughtered a plaid wild animal. This one, yeah, well, you know, I was on, I don't know, have you guys ever been on safari? Have you been on safari? Not as such. No, okay.

Well, there's some certain safaris where you're allowed to bag any animal you want. You know, some people call it, they say it's poaching, but it really isn't poaching. I have been on a photo hunt safari. Okay, so you mean the video video game is that what you're talking about yes there's a if you um attend really nice lounges bars taverns they will have actually entertainment provided right at the end of the bar and it will be frequently a nudie photo hunt safari where there will be two pornographic images next to one another and you identify the differences between them and you know there's maybe five things out

of place uh an altered areola or whatever right right yes i've done i have been on safari i will go to a tide pool and just stomp everything that i see that's not that sounds aggressive that's everything that moves bare feet i will that makes it fair smear it on the rock in fact they it's it's not fair you're giving them an advantage because they're often wearing a shell that's how they did it that's i mean like this like the take it back to that's how early man used to do used to do that's how john early that's that's what i he should early man yeah yeah uh gill yes catch us up catch us up um get into it lots of stuff going on um what was the date kevin that we last spoke to gill when did we talk to gill so just give us everything in between when we saw you i think it was september 14th no no september 2014 what day 14 uh god must have been a tuesday probably was it on a tuesday

wow just said that. Just threw that out. That's pretty impressive. It's been a while. I haven't seen you guys in a long time. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm doing, well, I don't know, you know, I had a few bad years, but now

I'm doing some, I'm doing a wine podcast. I don't know if you guys holy shit gill what no gill i have been saying for so long that you have to the gill has to do a why doesn't gill have a wine podcast and we've been wanting really to get one of these wine guys in here because the people that drink these wines have big bucks girl and people are like oh wine is like i see wine at the store i'm like what is this scary what the fuck this is scary you got all different name you walk in the wine you're confused you're confused you walk in a wine store when i approach the wine section if i accidentally see it and i haven't kind of prepped myself right i often have to

turn around and go home without any of my food you get scared i get scared i get embarrassed yeah i mean and the guy comes over and he's just like how can i help you and i'm just like i stand i i would stand there and just be like uh you know oh yeah that go on for like an idiot days days just saying uh um so i i figured you know why not have some why not why not why which is the name of the podcast um why not why not me why not me um and so why not have someone who's sort of an amateur wow lead people in so you didn't learn did you learn about wine before starting the podcast never had a sip never had a sip and won't is that right and will not i'm allergic to alcohol so um but i am i feel like i'm a way in a you know like um i'm a the gateway drug i help people in who haven't who are scared to go into a wine store

it's such a raw experience and for you to be um at least in this way a virgin that's right i think is very brave to talk about and i think it provides a lot of opportunity to follow you on your journey and experience all the other things that are not just drinking wine which in this case would be fucking that's right but you could smell the wine which is like maybe like just sort of licking someone's earlobe eating out okay eating out eating out there yeah i mean there is something sexual about wine isn't there there's something very sensual about wine you know this this has given me a good idea for a wine podcast yes and it kind of stinks it's a little bit stinky it's a little bit pheromone-ish right yeah it's sort of we all know where it leads it's like rotten isn't it like yeah it's essentially it's

like rotten I think that's what they call it the tannin the tannin you know right that's what leads to the stinkiness it's like it's sort of an ass smell. You need like a special tool to get at it. Like it's like, you know, like it's just doesn't like open like others. Like if I open a soda or something, that's easy. But if I want to open wine, it's like, it's a whole fucking project. And like the waiter usually goes, does this stink right for you? Yeah. They go, how do you go, how do you think it stinks? How do you think it stinks?

And the waiter's shoving it in your face. It's sort of erotic. I don't know. I mean, that's just me. It's mildly erotic. If it falls on the ground while you're doing it, it gets everywhere. Exactly.

It stains. I mean, think about it. Just like the whole area of staining that's just and there's all different kinds of it yeah and i don't and it's all understand any of it it's all to me seems the same and i don't really get like what it is or why people are so excited about it sometimes i get scared that that's the joke that like every wine is the same and I'm not getting it. And they're like, I'm getting fooled or something. Yes.

Yep. Have you ever had Chardonnay? Have you ever had Chardonnay? Have you guys tried? I'm sure you must have had. So walk me through this. So you know more about this than me. Yeah.

So what are you talking about? So you know more about this than me. So what are you talking about? So I'm talking about, I believe it's a white wine. And it's called Chardonnay. And I think it's from some sort of Midwestern state called Chardonnay. I think if it doesn't come from that state, it isn't Chardonnay. It's from some sort of Midwestern state called Chardonnay. I think if it doesn't come from that state, it isn't Chardonnay. It's not allowed.

It's not allowed. And so basically it's a white wine that's sort of sweet. Can I tell you what I thought you were talking about? Okay. Shark DNA. And I was about to answer, yes, I have had had that you have had shark dna when did you have shark dna at the hospital oh and then how did that happen just curiosity the um yeah i guess i'm pretty sure i've talked about this on the show before, so if it's boring for anyone, you can fast forward a little bit. But I very badly wanted a dorsal fin.

I was missing, to me, I felt like I was missing part of my back, which would be the dorsal fin part. And when I was swimming, you couldn't really see me if i was just below the surface and i felt that that was dangerous sounds dangerous so i went to a very nice hospital and i basically said um cedars you know i i it's it's near cedars it's under cedars can you it's below the earth i located approximately on the same part of the map that cedars would be but you do have to go it's like under underground okay yes have you ever seen the movie core where eckert and like hillary swanker are in like a drill machine and they're heading for the core of the earth yes so it's in between that and what you would think was the lowest part of cedars like in between where they go but you ride in a similar machine it's not as nice the one they had in the movie is like really nice that's like

hollywood stuff right this one is like a little bit could use some maintenance but you get in there and you go and there's like this basically almost the same doctors that you would find at cedars and i just said like hey i'm planning on going swimming uh this summer obviously that's very dangerous if you see my back the way it is now can you help me uh and they had a bunch of jars with different stuff and one was shark dna and i um just like took it you know took it yeah just railed it just fucking schwacked it man just took it all in one fat one schwack one fatty schwack it was a big schwack and it was uh well this is this is chardonnay yeah sorry go ahead yeah you were talking about chardonnay Chardonnay. Sorry, go ahead.

Yeah, you were talking about Chardonnay. So it's a sweet white wine, basically. And I only know how it smells. I've heard, you know, I have experts on the podcast. So, okay. This is just like a language thing. Maybe like what they call it in different states or whatever. What you're talking about is Sprite Remix. Sprite Remix? Yes, you're about is Sprite Remix. Sprite Remix?

Yes, you're talking about Sprite Remix. Yeah. Ah, yes. Okay, Sprite Remix, yes, has this very buttery, sort of light-bodied, it pairs really well with Whitefish. It stinks. Well, it doesn't have bubbles, Sprite Remix? It can. Yeah yeah it depends on

when you open it yeah okay okay i age mine i i you most of my sprite remix is aged uh you know 20 25 years at this point so and that's a one you would consider that a wine i don't know i mean i don't know too much about it you You consider that a wine Sprite remix? I use it more for cooking. Oh. It's a cooking wine. Mm. And, um.

For sandwiches. Cold sandwiches. I use it as a marinade. I use it as a dip. Like, if I'm having, like. If I'm having, like, dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, I'll dip those in some age Sprite remix. Do you have those dinosaur chicken nuggets a lot? If the microwave's working.

The issue for me is you can't run my microwave at the same time as basically any of the lights at my house. So you got to go pitch black in order to run the microwave. And then at that point point it's sort of a hazard because uh finding the button on the door and like getting back and forth between the freezer which you also have to unplug that sounds like a pain in the ass it's a little it's a little it's a little frustrating um but uh if it's during the day if it's bright enough or if it's a full moon i can pull the shades up

and I will make them. So, you know, I wouldn't say I have them all the time, but during the day, I always have them. Nothing like those full moon dinosaur nuggets. You have to be able to, yeah, you've got to be able to see them. Yeah, so during the day, I always have them, probably every day when it's daytime out.

But then at night, it's pretty rare I would have those for dinner unless it's a full moon once a month yeah that's great that's great any uh is there any other um well there's pinot noir have you heard that pinot noir okay which is obviously uh a red like a detective wine it's okay it's like it's it's got a detective feeling doesn't it yeah the noir part makes i picture it having the fedora pulled down and it's puffing on the great big pipe isn't it and it's saying you know just uh excuse me watson i think i i got this chinatown no i hear you oh no gill you didn't i did this is i went there hey it's chinatown over there you guys watson look at that

i didn't get what you were like what you were talking about at first i i i didn't hear what you were saying. I thought you said peanut DNA. Okay. Have you had that? I have had that. Yeah. Oh, well, you've told this on the story. Based on Sean's experience, I've been needing a new primary care physician. Okay.

My old one was just... What was wrong? Just started straight up ignoring me, my texts. Not responding to any of my texts. Did he feel bothered? Did he or she feel bothered? I have absolutely no way of knowing, but I know I was left on read by my own freaking doctor.

Wow. It's insulting. Hey, Hayes. Hayes, they didn't leave you on read. You left them speechless. Ooh. Okay. Okay, bring that energy to the podcast i guess that's possible doesn't this doesn't solve anything about my nose it's yeah it's still an issue no i'm sorry yeah this is a problem for you yeah so i went to my new primary care.

So this doctor that Sean recommended me, like Dr. Moreau is my new primary care. Moreau. Okay. Yes. And is this at Cedars as well? Dr. Mike Monroe.

Oh, Mike Monroe. And is this underground? Moreau. Moreau. This is the same guy. Dr. Mike Moreau. Under the ground.

Yes. Okay. He's really young. he's a teenager he's like a t like i guess his dad was like the dr moreau and he's like teen teen dr he's like a reboot i mean in a way you know if you to put it in entertainment terms we all do live in this town. If you were to reboot the island of Dr. Moreau and move, say the island blew up and he had to live underground and his dad had been Dr. Moreau, this would be him. And he'd be young. And he is.

This was around the time. You remember, go ahead. No, no, what age are we talking about? What kind of teen? On the young side, 13? It's going to be a teen for a while. I don't know about 13, but definitely not 15. Okay.

Not 15 yet. He's allowed to watch people drive from outside the car. His driving lesson now is he can witness driving witness driving happening is that a stage i didn't know that was a stage yeah yeah yeah it is now no so long ago you know it was so wild when they let us they just let you jump in they let anybody do anything while it was moving they would just be driving it by they would open the front door and you just have to jump in and then you just drive man they jump out they go car's yours if you can catch it go you go sprinting up the street jump into the driver's seat and brick on the gas pedal jump in

all right so they have this stage all right that and he's it's basically i guess the learner's permit of of today yeah yeah basically and so he's like this weird little teen and this was around remember when baby nut was like huge baby nut around yo yeah baby nut baby nut is this the nut dna is this baby nut we're still talking about the peanut dna yeah but like that's not what i'm saying do you remember when baby nut was like everyone is i mean baby nut was very small to be clear but baby nut as a phenomenon was oh that's mr peanut's little friend everyone yes okay or i think his like his son reincarnation or something. I don't remember exactly.

All I remember is like everyone is like very hot for this guy at the time. And I was like, I can admit now that I was like very pissed and mad, insanely jealous. Yes. I remember trying to talk to you about just about anything else and i would say like are you listening and you would be like what is this fucking baby nut guy got that i don't got huh and you're like sort of like flexing in front of the mirror and i'm like hey we really have to figure out because you know we have these uh you know gil we have really long prep sessions for the podcast where we go over like all the stuff that we might talk about and like make our guests really comfortable and it's almost tantric yeah

and well well can you tell me what so of course we're saving the nut for later in the show what is can you tell me what it was about baby nut that just made you so um envious uh that's what i was trying to figure out i have a theory okay if i could i honestly think and you might hate to hear this i think it gill it's that they were so similar do you know what i mean when somebody's driving you nuts and you're just like why do people like this guy and it's like why not me because i am this guy you may not even see it in yourself but i think that the you know the people we feel really passionate have these huge reactions to a lot of times because we're looking in the mirror and we see ourselves and baby nut to me i mean i saw i honestly it was like that my friend hayes and what is what what quality about the baby nut did you see in hayes small little peanut this big just okay so i was going through sort of

a why not me moment and i go to dr mike moreau and i'm like give me give me his nose basically his nose is just a little pen stroke it's just a little like i got this honking beezer here he's just got a little just a little pen stroke i'm like give me that he's like okay crushes up some peanut dna i think it was a peanut i think it was a crushed up peanut and he had me blast that yeah wow i should say my shark dna i do believe was shark bites i think it was melted down shark bites and then they you know that he put him through some kind of shredder. Incredible.

Yeah, he got the job done in terms of... Well, you know, I did say, well, I said Pinot Noir. So, not peanut DNA. And it's a red wine, a dark wine. And supposedly... Is it? Full-bodied? I don't know. What do you think? I'm not sure what is it full-bodied i don't know what do you think and i'm not sure what that uh full-bodied and to me it's sounding more and more like jelly what do you mean it's sounding to me like what you're describing it's made of grapes

it's made of grapes full-bodied sounds pretty thick to me that's sounding like it is jelly do you put it on a sandwich no you you you definitely put it in a cup i mean uh i mean well i i saw a jar is a cup i mean a lot of people use jelly you know jelly jelly glass well this i i had a sommelier on the, and that's someone who knows about wines. And he poured wine. This didn't look like jelly, Sean. I mean, he poured this wine into a glass, and it flowed. Is it possible that he poured something for you, and he said, some jelly-ay?

Some jelly-ay? And you thought that he was a whatever. A sommelier? A sommelier? It's possible that I got it wrong because I really don't know wines. I thought he. You've never tried. So, like, you're talking about, like, you're this, like, big expert.

So, you've never tried it. You never will. It would make you die. You would die. I mean, I am allergic am i can i ask a question am i being an asshole right now i i mean like i don't know if it's intentional like putting me on the spot a little bit because you know and we talked about this in the pre-show but we work so hard to make our guests comfortable i know so i you know i don't want to get into these

confrontational i don't want to be self-righteous about yeah about i really don't know wines i'm just you know sort of trying to be the messenger here about this didn't seem like jelly to me but uh you know i'm also not a jelly okay that's all you had to say yeah that's all you had that's probably all i had to say yeah i think what you were doing maybe was showing off a little bit and it's and it probably comes from a place of insecurity yeah it's a little gross i don't think you know i i don't think it's fair to say you were being an asshole on purpose sometimes that you know i get a little full of myself. Um, you know,

I, I, you know, I start to, uh, wave the peacock feathers around, you know, uh,

because I'm insecure. Um, and I, I apologize. Oh, that's powerful. God, hearing this guy who was being a raging prick,

not five minutes ago on the podcast okay well that's a lot i mean like shit to hear him humble himself in front of us and just say like hey look he knows he sucks well that's a lot guys that's a lot say that he knows that he sucks like that's a really powerful moment that we just had on the show this should get written up did vulture it's been a little while this is maybe one you're going to want to write up we don't always request that they do this gil but i'm not i mean i don't i mean i don't know if i was i'm really good at apologies but um you

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Rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood handbook. Well, you sent, and can just like get into it like you sent ahead a little sample of some wine that we can enjoy now yes i did i sent some rose over um for you guys and that's uh supposedly a mix of both um red and white wines together okay that's supposedly a mix of both red and white wines together. Okay. That's interesting. Yeah.

And so what I have here is Crest Brand Rosé. Crest Complete Multi-Benefit Rosé. And this kills millions of germs is that right that i mean if that's what it says that's what it does um okay so i got a slightly smaller one because i said i don't think you know i'm going to be able to hold up to that but this also is this is crest rose just in a little tube and so i you know i'm willing to start this is tubed eating this stuff this wine is tubed right and now when you initially told me you were sending this i didn't know what you were talking about i i thought what you were saying uh when you said rose was rogue dna meaning joe rogan's dna but you why would i oh okay i was gonna ask why not why

wouldn't i say rogan but i call him rogue i forgot about that i do when you talk about him i guess you guys are so close he lets you call him rogue rogue rogester uh the rogue man yeah the rogue The Rogue Man. Yeah. The Rogue Runner. Meet me. Rogue Arinsky. Meet me. Rogue Runner. Yeah. Rogue Runner. Rogue Runner.

But I thought you were saying, you know, Joe Rogan's DNA is what you were sending me. No. Rose. I got the tube. I said, this doesn't look like the last time I had Joe Rogan's DNA. Now, you did have Rogan's DNA. Is that what you're saying? Because I know I know Rogan. I'm close to him. Yeah. Next to him. Is that what you're saying? Because I know I know Rogan. I'm close to him.

I never met him directly. I mean, I guess I met him through his D.N.A. But he and I have the same doctor. You do? This Dr. Moreau. Why'd you just do it? You just went into a jack. I had some of his D.N.A.

too, Gil. That's crazy. you're just too good at that yeah i needed dna to make my impressions better whoa well tell me about tell me when you had the rogan dna well basically i was mad at hayes and i wanted to kick his ass so i said give me the toughest guy's dna you can find because i had tried to kick hayes's ass and he basically bashed me down until i looked like freaking baby nut like he he just came over the top of me pounding down like a hammer with his fist until I was tender as sticking out of the ground like that.

Now, I thought, man, I need some skills. Is this the same as the is this the same sort of anger that comes through in the tide pool haze? Well, that's so interesting. I don't I don't do what I do in the tide pool with anger. OK, I actually do that with love and a sense of exploration love of nature uh and i am trying to identify as i'm smashing which ones in the tide pool are like the bullies bad guys excuse me

had a big glob of wine so I'll look in there and be like alright is everyone like everyone being cool and normal in here and the first one who says yes that's who you smash

wow yes yeah the bullies are telling themselves gil smeared but i'll drive uh um an e-scooter through the tide pool back and forth and you can you can still pinpoint which ones are the bullies with that as i'm driving by on an easter yeah yeah okay i'm putting the i was putting the rose on my lips and it's not bad are you getting a buzz joe rogan's dna well oh yeah finished it how so what you had roger how'd you get rogan's dna well i went to dr moreau and he said i've been keeping some shavings every time he comes in and and uh little rogan shavings yeah so he scattered those out on the table and i sort of um he gave me like a fun dip like lick-a-mate stick, and I licked that until it was wet,

and then I'd pick up the Rogan shavings, and I'd lick those off. Then I ate the stick afterwards, and I thought, oh, this is going to make me grow big muscles. But you know what? I didn't grow any muscles here. I grew them up here. Oh.

I grew them up here. And. I grew them up here. And Joe Rogan's DNA told me, you can't always beat them with these. And I'm holding my fist up. But you could beat them with this. Smarter, not harder. Smarter, not harder. Pointing at my mind.

Yeah. And so I went back over to Hayes' house. I headbutt him right in the chest wait what about i thought we were even oh i thought you had a big ass brain i thought you meant outwit my head became so heavy oh okay he's like a kettlebell yeah and listening to him, listening to Rogan changes your DNA. It does. It's basically a vaccine against bullshit. You know those memes where the person's head just explodes?

That's how I feel when I'm listening to his podcast. Yeah. It's just eye-opening. Yeah, no, it's just eye eye opening yeah no it's true it is like a vaccine against bullshit and the bullshit actually can't get you anymore and it stops you from spreading bullshit to other people yeah yeah the bullshit was let's be honest a hoax to begin with wasn't it yeah so ultimately what's so weird about the bullshit

vaccine is it lets you know that you didn't actually need them and they actually hurt you that one's good but the others are fake that's right and it's like try to control you not this one no this one's good yes the thing you so okay i know this is hard to track

so his bullshit which actually not bullshit that bullshit is good bullshit and protect you from the other bullshit so when he is saying the thing of this you should do this that's good because he's right if he's talking if he says don't do this that's good because he said it right but when somebody else says do or don't do it you go well what did but did joe know you were going to say that? Or can I talk to him about it? Because he's just, you know, he's a real guy. He's a real guy. Yeah, I mean, if you remember, if you had Comedy Central around

doing some math, doing some math, I guess I would say 1996 97 sometimes instead of a commercial they would just show like one of their commercials just be 30 seconds of like a stand-up stand like their best funniest bit and they would show one sometimes be like we're going to commercial no just kidding we're going and it'd be like jim brewer you know fighting himself or uh you know uh dom herrero some you know italian humor but but there was one that would be joe rogan just saying that he did think there were aliens and i remember being 15 years old 14 years old whatever it was and really struggling to identify what the comedy aspect was

like i was like i do not see i was thinking i like this guy news radio there does not appear to be a joke it appears this guy thinks there are does not appear to be a joke it appears this guy thinks there are aliens and now comedy central has sort of sectioned this off as the best material he has and he would just be talking about that that's what you would watch they go to commercial they come back and you go oh good you know uh he's gonna make a fun of black and white movie but but i mean that's like he's pointing out something that no one was willing to say back then

you know he was a vaccine against the bullshit that he thinks something I'll tell you what that's my man show that those old clips or his not like his the one that him and doug that's my

man show oh that's right oh his oh his his uh doug stanhope and his i don't recognize this other and frankly i don't recognize doug For me, the man show only has one host. Joe Rogue. The Rogue Runner. Beep beep. Meet meet. Can't get him. Joe, the Fox, and two Juggies.

Yeah, the cool ones. Not all of them. Some of the Juggies suck. Sorry. You know what? I didn't say Rogan's DNA. Okay. What did you say?

I said Rosé. Yeah, so it was Rosé. Exactly. And so that's what I sent you guys. Yeah, I put some on my lips. I ate a lot. I'm not going to have any more. Now, can I ask you guys, because I haven't ever tasted wine,

are you feeling a buzz right now? Are you feeling anything percolating? I feel sick from some other stuff that's going on. Okay. Do you want to talk about it? I just did. I mean, more specifically. He just did. I mean, he just said he just. OK, sorry.

No, it's OK. I feel like I'm being an ass here. He just said. Just one second ago, he said that he feels sick from some other stuff. Yeah, no, I I'm sorry. I'm being I'm being a douchebag again. And I I just twice in a podcast is not cool. And I apologize.

And the first time you apologized, it actually meant a lot to me. And if you recall, I told Vulture they should write it up. Now I'm wondering if you think you've got some get out of jail free card that your willingness to apologize then just absolves you of any responsibility to behave in a way that is kind, which is the number one important thing on this show.

I mean, you guys talked about it pre podcast. Um, and I, I, you know, like, uh,

I don't know. I don't care if the show's funny. I don't care if people learn jack shit. I care if we're kind to one another on here and that for me that's enough and we're honest and we're accountable and we're like owning up to our shit the dane episode of louis that's that's our north star none of this carlos mencio louis give me the dane louis just kindness obviously without either of them involved well i mean maybe i'm taking some of my own shit out on you guys and i apologize because you know i'm hey we're all carrying you want to talk so is this like you want to

like yeah i mean is that why you said do you want to talk about it because like you want to i don't want to say i don't want to say i just did you know i don't want to say that because i don't want to but i i feel like yeah that's kind of your thing but i i i sure i'll talk about you know i'm i'm not i haven't been doing well okay yeah you're sick i'm i'm sick what kind of i mean like spiritually you throw up oh no no i'm not gonna throw up yeah it's more of a spirit an emotional thing oh you you have a an actual you're actually sick i'm gonna throw up what do you what's wrong oh i guess you just talked about it i'm sorry well no people whatever i know look obviously you want every last detail.

It's like people make choices. Choices have consequences. I'm going to throw up because of some... Because of some... Decisions that I made earlier today that I could have weighed more carefully more carefully no let's talk about it i uh i put um would be good and it was really bad and i uh some people were watching me and they told me not to do it um and then i felt like because i had insisted on doing it and

they said you just ruined you you know, two things. You see, I would have been on your side if I was there. And we also, none of us can eat the cheesecake, and I said, like, good, you know, because I want all of it, and I ate all of it, and I also was finding stuff in it while I was eating it that even regardless of the marinara sauce, I should have probably not finished it. And some was like eggs from like, I think a lizard's eggs. Like there was like some, you know, and I know it was a lizard's eggs because then I saw the lizard laying them.

I mean, you'd think marinara and cheese would go together i mean that's just like when you think about pizza this is exactly what i said before is like that's sweet pizza this is sweetza this is sweets pizza this is pizza this is good and everyone was going please don't do it please don't do it and i was like you're crazy and i took my first bite and i tried to hide it they could see on my face i didn't like it i you know look just forget it let's just like order something else you know like this would have been weird for us to have for breakfast anyway i mean and if it did taste good they would have been ashamed of themselves they would have been you of themselves. They would have been, you know.

They would have been sucking on fucking dorsal fins. You see, I wish I could have cheese. I can't have cheese. I can't even. I've never had cheese. Yeah. Make you die? I will get really sick.

I'll have an allergic reaction. Okay. Yeah. I can't have cheese. I can't have milk. Any dairy products, really. I've never had wine. I can't have bread.

What will happen to you? You can't have bread. You can't have crust either wine i can't have bread what will happen to you you can't have bread you can't have crust either i can't have crust on a pizza i can't have fucking vegetables i can't have fruit my life sucks it's like i have one thing that i can eat and those are vitamins okay so you're you're being very cagey but like what exactly will happen to you so like i will i will if you're not gonna die like what happens i will get a cold you get sick with a cold yeah i start to become you sneeze you get stuffed up i get congested you sneeze i sneeze i cough i have a low fever i run a low fever i have a glass thermometer just like sticking out of your mouth eyes kind of watery red i got ahead of a water bottle on my head for a

week i'm just like you just hold a blanket around you there's like little icicles coming down from my nose oh no your robe starts to fray my robe starts to fray i have i gotta put my feet in some warm water in a pot from the kitchen it's awful it's like you know when you get sick you know when you get sick and that's what happens to me so i can't i basically can't have any food i'm i would love to put marinara on my cheesecake. No, please don't. I'm going to throw up from doing it. So obviously he can throw up right there because he had to be embarrassed.

But yeah, he will throw up at some point. In the moment I could have thrown up and wanted to, but I held it down and now I am going to, but now I tried to do it right before the podcast and i can't do you think it's cool to throw up or is it cool to hold it in uh i guess i kind of just told you because i held it in to avoid to avoid everything yeah um yes in a different scenario i think throwing up could have been incredibly cool going to a movie and seeing someone on the screen be disrespectful in any way what about that to say something that like goes against my morals yeah and to then

throw up instantly that's cool that's your seat that's actually cool but hold this in this case in this context from food i don't think there's really any i don't think there's any scenario I don't think there's any scenario you know that's coming to mind where throwing up from food is cool throwing up from witnessing disrespect even in a filmed piece of art yeah

is pretty badass what about like throwing up from seeing a parent hit their kid or like yell at their kid. Disrespectful. I think that falls under disrespect. That falls under disrespect.

And like at some point if you're really cool, you do it so loud it summons the police. Right in their face. But you're not a narc, you know? Yeah, exactly.

You didn't call the cops. No. You barfed in their face. You threw up so incredibly loud that the police had to come. Yeah. It's sort of a subtle way of calling the cops. People do it in different ways some

people can do it just the way some people do it is completely silent you just turn around suddenly and you're like oh my god yeah that was quick that was so fast it was completely silent the way i do it though i'm a screamer are you you're gonna know when i'm getting there you're yelling and throw and like hurling at the same time yeah is it quick or slow does it is it like a stream or i'll mix it up i'll mix up the pace yeah oh you have you have that much control over your bomb okay it's like the bellagio like like the bellagio fountains at the block yeah yeah wow yeah no i mean i i'll basically do a choreographed routine to frank and the boys well call me carl reiner because i'm pretty amazed right now

he was really really blown away by those fountains. Here's a guy who I thought had seen a lot. No. Right? You never know what's going to do it for people. You have no idea. You don't. Because you look at Carl Reiner and you think,

what would really knock his socks off? I don't think I would have put the bellagio fountains in the top 10 if i made a list and boy they were right up money on that bet yeah oh they he was mesmerized blown away i heard they had to cut that scene down too i heard that was like a 10 minute scene he wouldn't stop ranting and raving about well the scene wasn't in the script the scene wasn't in the movie oh really they couldn't get him to set they said we need and we need to do something to wrap up this guy you know this this section of his story and we can't get him inside the building to film any of the stuff we wrote that's crazy because he's not going to bring the cameras to him he's known known as a nice guy. And to think about him saying, fuck you, I'm watching this fountain.

That's crazy to me. Yeah. And such a professional. He's been in the business forever. But I think he was just that. It was that impactful for him to see him. And so Carl passed, of course. He did pass.

Yep, he did. You went to the funeral? I went to the service, yes. Which they held at the fountains outside the Bellagio. Oh, wow. They spread his ashes and... Oh, he was cremated? Mm-hmm.

Yes. Maybe not entirely what do you mean like half of his body was buried yeah i think some people it was one of those nobody could make up their mind what to do and he never said anything oh you know what i think i heard about this i heard his head was cremated and his body was buried is that right that would make sense because they did have uh they the urn was wearing little like scuba goggles scuba goggle mask so i think that was supposed to represent like this is dude's face and head and and they said that kind of and the coffin was really heavy it was really heavy to have just been the head yeah and they said that kind of and the coffin was really heavy it was really heavy to have just been

the head yeah and they said that as well yeah no the coffin also was put into the fountains so everything was thrown away he really fell in love and just went for it all yeah was it beautiful uh haze how was it how was the service? It was really nice. The song was That's What I Like by Bruno Mars. And the fountains were just going to the beat. To the beat of the song. You know what goes... Lucky for you, that's what I like. Yeah.

That was called Reiner's Funeral. Now, I heard, you know, my sommelier, or, you know, I heard what goes with, you know, a funeral is a Riesling. With, you know, any kind of, if you're having an event, you might want something like a Riesling, which is like a dry, sweet wine. in an event you might want something like a riesling which is like a dry sweet wine um i don't know i i yeah i don't know i don't know like i don't know if you guys have ever had rieslings you have guys ever i have had a dry sweet treat at a funeral it was called the reese's

pieces you had reese Pieces at a funeral? Mm-hmm. And you actually, this is interesting because I ate them out of a slingshot. To explain. So basically there was a man who worked for the funeral parlor

or whatever, and this was during COVID, so they didn't want like a big shared bowl that everyone's dipping their hands in and eating out of so they had a guy with gloves and there's a bowl of Reese's Pieces and he would ask you to point to a color and then there's like orange or yellow or brown and you point to one and then he would place it into a slingshot and you would pull down your mask and open your mouth and he would pull back and fire it directly into your mouth that did did that hurt uh i didn't end up getting hurt because i had been doing so many things to my mouth just prior okay that had actually built up sure quite a few calluses and honestly injury wasn't the biggest

concern you did basically no matter what happened you were going to choke pretty bad. It gets fired straight back into your throat. Did you have any idea why he was doing this? It wound up being more funerals than we planned on that day because people were dying. People died from the Reese's. Yeah. I didn't hear, I mean, I didn't understand

what you were talking about at all when you first said it because I I miss her about Riesling yeah I thought you said grease DNA that's very far from Riesling which I that's I have had I feel like we're getting farther and farther away from what I'm saying but But okay. Yeah. What's Grease DNA? What is that? Well, I went to the doctor. I said, well, I'm going to be working on this movie. The movie Grease.

And so I go to Dr. Mike and I say, give me, chop this up. Just snork it back. And then I go to work on this movie. And they're like, okay, the first song on this movie and they're like okay the first song movie's called grease the first song is called grease and i'm like okay great great so far everything works grease is worried it's all about this they keep going as a song about kissing and like all this stuff everything is working and then now there's another song about a car and this one is called greased lightning

what and i'm like is this connected to the the grease before every song has grease in it there's no that's the thing in this movie either one. Yeah, that's the thing. There should either be one song with grease in it, and then the rest are telling a story, or every song has grease, or maybe no songs with grease, but they do two songs with grease, and the rest don't. Think about that with any other musical.

I mean, if you had Book of Mormon, and every song was about a book, that's ridiculous. Or just two songs about two different books that don't appear. I just kept saying, are these connected in your mind? Yeah. Do you know, are you referencing the original thing or are you just are you just thinking about greece because the movie is called greece yeah and so you have accidentally written another song that's mostly about greece and today is you're right to bring up other musicals because like cats they're all about cats yeah everyone's a cat so you could do that you could do that you could do chicago they never mentioned the city of chicago it doesn't come up once and it works

it's just a vibe that surrounds the rest of what we're doing that's right but that's right greece it's twice it's it's sloppy it's really so they mentioned did they mention Grease any other time in the movie? In the movie Grease? Yeah. I had to take another. I eventually just spoke up. I had to say something. For the third song, Grease School Dropout. Yep.

I said, we cannot do this again. What is a Grease School? I don't't know i've never even heard of that it's ridiculous well when you showed up too it was it was spelled g-r-e-e-c-e that is the weirdest thing it's like okay but everyone was dressed like back and greased up so would you change it to grease school grease or something or what would you i changed it i changed it to history school dropout because i'm like let's do something that like people like really understand like you go to history history school yeah you go to history school and frankly not enough people are going to history school. Yeah, you go to history school.

And frankly, not enough people are going to history school, at least not all the way through. So a little bit of social commentary. That's not aimed at you, Gil. That's not aimed at you. Come on. A little shrapnel. You caught a little shrapnel.

Caught some friendly fire, huh? I feel like I got shrank. You got fragged. I got shrapped. fire huh i feel like i got shrank you got fragged i got trapped i feel like you're still angry about the whole you know asking about your the throw-up thing and being so awful yeah i mean the sick stuff i feel like it's still in the air i was at no point was i angry anger is not an emotion that services me it's a natural emotion you know you got to let it out can't bottle it up you know just like you say that it's like why time sean is gonna throw up oh he's got it it's right there it's sitting right there you can't bottle it up i'm not

i'm not taking the bait i you know what i do with my anger is i just transform it i just spin it around in my mind i picture it swirling around and changing colors and becoming horniness sort of like in a glass right swirl it around that's making me think of wine did you mean to do let all that's making me think of wine did you mean to do that that's how making me think of was that it was that intentional i mean it feels in time feels premeditated it's like we planned it all it's like we planned it all in the pre-show isn't it oh it's like we actually knew what we were doing this whole time. Once again, we actually plotted it out. What did you think, everybody?

Tweet at us and let us know. You think we're kids here? And a gutenacht. Hollywood Handbook. This week on the Patreon, Carl and Hassan play a music game called What's the Scenario? The boys answer some listener questions, and the Flagra Ones are mostly talking all things basketball. Check out these bonus podcasts and videos of the full episodes, including today's with Gil, at patreon.com slash theflagrawons.

Hollywood Handbook. That was a HateGum Podcast.