Hollywood Handbook - Yassir Lester, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: December 5, 2016

Sean and Hayes are joined by standup/model YASSIR LESTER for a conversation about the arts of standup comedy and modeling. This episode is brought to you by SockFancy (www.sockfancy.com/handb...ook), Harry's (www.harrys.com code: HANDBOOK), and ZipRecruiter (www.ziprecruiter.com/first).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 this is a head gum podcast okay location i'm at the uh dueling pianos bar with stephanie mcmahon uh there are the two guys are on stage it It's like back and forth. It's like, plunkety-chink, like plunk-a-tum-pum. It's getting like very serious. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:30 And I can feel my guy, because you know I have my guy who I go to like cheer on. Yeah. And like this is my guy there. And I can feel him starting to like fall behind. He's getting a little gassed. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:00:44 And I have a lot invested in this. So I kind of start just because I'm right at the stage and I kind of take my hand and I'm just like pulling on the other guy's piano a little bit. Yeah, just lightly, just two fingers. Just lightly dragging it off the stage. Just a little bit. And he sort of starts to lean on the bench, I'm sure,
Starting point is 00:01:06 playing further and further away from his body. And then suddenly, oh, the piano falls off the stage. Oops. Oops. The piano fell. Well, congrats, man. That's huge. And Stephanie McMahon thought these nefarious tricks
Starting point is 00:01:24 were, of course, completely inbounds. She's from a background. This is really in line with the kind of stuff that gets her very excited. Well, yeah. Professionally, just like a professional thing with her. Yeah, between you two, it's just professional. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Professionally fucking.
Starting point is 00:01:41 just professional. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Professionally fucking. Oh yeah, the excitement and all the sexuality is very much part of our respective careers. It's a business transaction where one of you happens to come, not going to say who.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz. We call showbiz. What up, what up. And while he took the breath, I just picked up and ran. It is about breath.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Give and take. It is about breath control. So much of it. Circular breathing. I don't know if you've ever played the didgeridoo, but. Yeah, I can do it right now. You want to hear? Please.
Starting point is 00:02:25 And he's really playing it. And he's really playing it if you're listening at home. And I'm done listening. So we have a big guest here. What does he do? I don't know. Everything? Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:02:41 So his name's Yasser Lester. He's a certified badass. he's a navy seal he's um uh what else is he's hardcore he'll fuck you up he's hardcore he'll fuck you up he's a lot like xavier from the triple x movies uh he i'm sorry xander xander, yeah. You're thinking of the single X movies with Xavier. He's a lot like Xavier, Professor Xander. Yeah. And he's strong, but he's also kind. He DGAF.
Starting point is 00:03:16 He can afford to be kind because he's so powerful. He DGAF. Zero fucks given. That's his name played on his little desk where it would normally say, like, Mr. Boss Man. Yeah, and around his license plate it says, I'd rather be giving zero fucks. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then he's got a—
Starting point is 00:03:31 And sports chalet. And he's got a picture of, like, him, a woman, three kids, a cat, a dog, and then there's a fuck being given, and there's a circle with a line through it. And Calvin's doing pee-pee on it. Like no ghosts. Yeah, and Calvin's pissing on it so hard. Yeah. And it seems like Calvin's maybe sick.
Starting point is 00:03:51 Like he's peeing. Too much. But it looks like it's uncomfortable, and yeah, it's sort of in a spray pack. He's like rising up in the air a little bit from peeing too much. Yep, and so he's got a nice car. What else with your car, Yas? Oh, yeah, please. What else is on it?
Starting point is 00:04:09 Yeah. Just what else with it in general. And anything you want to tell us about your car, there's a safe space for that. Okay, number one, thank you for asking. I mean that genuinely. A lot of people don't ask. I know.
Starting point is 00:04:21 And honestly, the thing for me is with cars, I don't care about status. I don't give a fuck about status. I drive a Japanese car. I do. And honestly, the thing for me is with cars, I don't care about status. I don't give a fuck about status. I drive a Japanese car. I do. Oh, yeah. Who cares? I happen to not, but I would be willing to. Okay. Like you thought, like,
Starting point is 00:04:35 maybe I'll drive a Japanese car. I didn't personally think about it, but when I see Hayes doing it, I'm not, like, pissed off. Right. Okay. Well, I drive an American car. Wow. I don't care. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:04:50 It's like I have it. It came in the mail. It came in the mail, showed up. It was that, a Bed Bath & Beyond coupon. I was like, alright, well, I'm going to go with both. Now I know how to get to Bed Bath & Beyond. Exactly. Went there, got'm going to go with both. Yeah, I'm going to drive both of these. Now I know how to get to Bethany. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Went there, got some seat covers for the car. Okay. 20% off, too. Can you believe that? I'm starting to suspect that you're tricking me. No, no, no. Wow. 20.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Yasser. And these are towels, right? You call them seat covers, but these are? They're terrycloth seat covers. So it's kind of a blend of both. Okay, so it's like, does it have sleeves? And like a little thing that you could tie it up? Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Well, I wouldn't say sleeves. It's more like, you know how cowboy shirts have those clicking buttons? Snap buttons? Yes, instead of, yeah, so it's that. So it can snap to a Japanese car. Wow. Talk a little bit about cowboy culture, which I know you're so passionate about.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Well, one of the things about being a cowboy that's always been very important to me is because I'm very much a boot guy. Yeah. I'm a boot guy. And you see these dudes now, it's like, you know, we're in LA, we're working. And it's like, you see guys and they're out there
Starting point is 00:06:03 and they're like, oh, these are boots. And it's like, bro, those they're out there and they're like oh these are boots and it's like bro those are not boots thank you yes those are not finally somebody's in those are leather sneakers and i see you homie like i see you trying to pass off boot culture as your own but it's like that's ours yeah and it's like pull up that jeans like a little bit and show me and they're like oh i can't right now and it's like yeah up that jeans like a little bit and show me. And they're like, oh, I can't right now. And it's like, no. Yeah, no, I've got itching too much. Because they don't go that high, dude. They don't go that high.
Starting point is 00:06:31 And then you see these other guys and it's like they tuck the jeans into the boots and you're like, okay, so what's even the point? You know what I'm saying? If you're not going to lace up the boot, get the most stability you can. Yes. And the most stability you can. Yes. And the most work out of those boots that you can. Somebody's finally getting these guys. You know what I'm saying? It's you.
Starting point is 00:06:51 You're doing it right now. I love thinking about them listening to this and being like, I'm fucked. You know what I mean? Like somebody called my ass out because they've been thinking nobody's noticing. Right. Yeah. Right. But we've all seen it.
Starting point is 00:07:02 And Yasser's finally taken the task. The real cowboy is here. And, like, a lot of people come up to me, and they're like, yeah, I see that you're going after boot culture, and how does that affect you as someone who's the heir to the Red Wings boots? And I'm like, look, I'm not here to make waves, but when I see something wrong. No, I'm here to ride them. Exactly. waves, but when I see something wrong,
Starting point is 00:07:23 I'm here to ride them. Exactly. And that's another thing with my new surfing boot line. Yeah. I'm so glad we're getting into this. It's been a passion project for a long time. The fact that they're attached to the board, I find
Starting point is 00:07:40 using it makes them a lot easier. I also find sometimes if I am upside down on the board, I am almost dying a lot. I wanted to talk about how heavy they are. And unlacing them underwater because they are attached to the board and the laces do go up so high
Starting point is 00:07:56 it can take so long that I am almost dead by the time the laces are undone and I can escape the water. Okay, but again, we have suggestion boxes, we have a whole FAQ section on the website.
Starting point is 00:08:12 There's a contact email that you can actually get from the website. Yeah. Okay. Is one of the FAQ questions, I am underwater and the boots are taking a little too long to undo. And it's like, okay, but it seems like your real problem is that you're underwater and on your phone.
Starting point is 00:08:32 That has nothing to do with us. Yeah, Hayes called out. That's not me and the answer's problem. I'm sorry. I don't mean to go after you personally. No, he deserves it. He knows better. Don't you, Hayes?
Starting point is 00:08:45 No, it is. Yes, I am being unfair, and especially to take it to someone like you who does DGAF. I actually like being on the other end of this. The A to that FAQ, by the way, if you are underwater and you are drowning and it is taking too long to unlace the boots is hold your breath. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:04 That's the A. If you even got to pull your nose or is hold your breath. Yeah. That's the A. If you even got to pull your nose or something, you know, no shame. Wait, what is the A? The A in FAQ stands for what? Hmm? You said the A in that FAQ is hold your breath. I guess I just thought FAQ stood for frequently asked questions. No, frequently answered questions.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Oh, wow. Frequently answered questions. And this one, the answered questions. Oh, wow. Frequently answered questions. And this one, the answered is hold your breath. Yeah, but it also stands for old, like auld lang syne. Right, yeah. Frequently
Starting point is 00:09:37 auld. Yeah, but it's like auld your breath, you know. Auld when you're down there. That's like, I'll hold your breath, you know? I'll hold when you're down there. That's like the Guardians of Gahool or whatever. Yeah, yeah. We do want to talk more about Boots. Yeah, yes, please.
Starting point is 00:09:55 But stand-up, it is the purest art form. It is comedy without a net. It is just one man and a microphone. Continue describing stand-up. It's honest. It's dishonest. It's pure. It's very unpure.
Starting point is 00:10:14 You know, it's gross. It's filthy. It's stupid. It's nasty. It's as dirty and grimy as it gets. It's grody. And you have to be a little insane to do it, don't you think? Right.
Starting point is 00:10:23 It's sicky. Because truly it's a waste of time. Like no one likes it. The performers don't like it. The people that are there just didn't have anything else to do. I despise it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I despise it.
Starting point is 00:10:36 Yeah, yeah. It's like you go. It's expensive. It's so expensive. You walk in. Let's say you're just a normal dude on a Saturday night. You're like, I'm going to take out. I'm trying to picture it.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Okay. Just imagine, right? So if you're a normal dude in this situation. What am I wearing? You're wearing a Hurley t-shirt, right? You're wearing Quicksilver shorts. And you walk in. And I got surf boots on.
Starting point is 00:10:56 Yeah, you got your surf boots on. But again, that's stupid because it's like you had to saw them off the board. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's a status symbol. I have to read the the board. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, I have to read the – Thank you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:06 So, you know, you're a normal dude in your Hurley shirt and your Quicksilver shorts, you know, and your Huff Weed socks. Hurley from Lost. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So you're Hurley from Lost in your Weed socks, you know, and you're going to Smash Mouth's comedy club, right? My Weed – did you say my Weed socks?
Starting point is 00:11:24 Yeah, the Huff Weed socks. Because you're a normal dude. Oh, yeah. With the Weedly socks. With Justin Kirkman Comedy Club. Right. And my weed, you say my weed socks? Yeah, the Huff Weed Socks. The one dude. Oh, yeah. With Justin Kirkman on them. Oh, right. Yes. Yeah. You're talking about the special edition ones. I was just talking about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, you called Justin Kirk, Justin Kirkman? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:39 Yeah, there was a comma. I'm sorry, I don't know. Justin Kirkman. Did you hear it? Did he not hear kirk man yeah i yeah okay god i'm so i'm really in the weeds here i guess just like i don't know i usually more on the same page with you but just certain things i'm not understanding as well sorry i'm not uh yeah and i should say just full disclosure i'm fucked up right now like i'm Full disclosure, I'm fucked up right now. Like I'm sick.
Starting point is 00:12:07 I'm on a lot of stuff. I'm on a lot of pills, drugs, whatever. Let's say you were like, okay, I want to sell some of this stuff. Oh, yeah. Like what would – A hundred bucks. A hundred bucks. And then like what would that stuff be? Like would it be a mix of things?
Starting point is 00:12:24 Would it be – Oh, I don't know what's in it. I don't know what's in it. No doubt. I just want – you know, I was just asking. It's a bag of powder. Like, the pills have been opened. Right.
Starting point is 00:12:33 And the powder has been released already. Okay. So it's just a paper bag. Right. Grocery bag. Okay. So it's like – it's almost like one of those things, like those charity things where they're like, make the shoe box and send it to, like, you know, some troops overseas.
Starting point is 00:12:48 And so it's like that. Yeah. Make the shoebox. Right. So you're doing a shoebox. Make the shoebox, send it to the troops. Okay. Run it back again.
Starting point is 00:12:54 One thing I want to talk about with stand up is how when you get up there, you usually go, I dare you to laugh at this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. usually go, I dare you to laugh at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that actually came because I was a volunteer at DARE for a very long time. Wow. And so I was just like, you know, because so many people get up there and they're like,
Starting point is 00:13:18 this is for them, this is for the audience. And I was just like, okay, what's braver than that? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Making it about me. Talk about braveness. Braveness. Dude, and also thank you for volunteering like that because actually being straight edge is so hardcore.
Starting point is 00:13:32 It's actually more tough than doing drugs, which is pussy shit. Oh, yeah. And even though I am on drugs right now, I totally agree. And a lot of the bag of pills that I... When you say that you're sick, I mean,
Starting point is 00:13:45 it is because you are in withdrawal because you're not on enough drugs. Which is basically what Dara is saying. It was like, don't do enough to make yourself feel good. Yeah, no. It's fine to do drugs as long as you're not taking it over the edge
Starting point is 00:14:02 where you're out of withdrawal. Now, and I interrupted you with some of that. You were describing me as a normal guy and I was imagining I was him. What is that? Where were you going with that? Did you have anything? I did.
Starting point is 00:14:16 It was about stand-up, right? So it's yes. Right. So now you are. So you're in your Hurley t-shirt and quicksilver shorts. You're Hurley socks and your DC shoes. You're a normal guy. Wow. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:14:26 You want to take out your normal – Are we grinding rails at all? I mean – I'm sorry. I don't know that we're normal guys. Yeah. How do you think you got there, you idiot? Would you? Would you –
Starting point is 00:14:38 I don't know this club. I don't know the club specifically. So I don't know if there is like a network of rails that could get you right to the – Well, it's called Skates and Shakes. And, you know, everyone skates. Actually, there's like no. Smash Mouth is a comedy club. Smash Mouth is, they own it.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Okay. They own it. So that's me speaking about the parent company. Right. And it's called Skates and Shakes. Skates and Shakes because you skate there and then you're shaking from laughter. Yeah, and you have the shakes because you're in withdrawal. Right.
Starting point is 00:15:08 And so when you grind into the comedy club with your girl and you know. The rails go right into the club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's actually pretty sick. I worked for The Grinder. Oh, did you? Yeah, it's on Netflix now.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Oh, cool. Cool. I worked for The Grinder, but it was a Tony Hawk skateboarding instructional video. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. But you were saying I'm a normal guy. Yeah, so you're in the club now. Right. Oh, yeah, I got in. You grinded into the club and you sit down. Cover? Is it a bringer show? No, there's a cover. That's what we're talking about. So first of all, there's a cover, you know. And then secondly, you got to buy drinks.
Starting point is 00:15:49 And then thirdly, you have to laugh at someone you don't know. Yeah. And you're like, okay, so wait, am I going to have sex? And then that's the prevailing thought over everything. Like ever, am I ever going to get – am I ever going to have sex? Am I ever going to tick that box? And the thing is, like, I'm not. You know what I'm saying i know i'm not gonna have sex yeah and that's why i do stand straight edge dude yeah yeah straight edge yeah yeah and that's why the dare thing
Starting point is 00:16:15 came from that because it's like abstaining from drugs abstaining from sex because you're a big no fap guy right yeah yeah yeah because it about, just think about things in general. Like if someone came to you with a bag of drugs, right? Let's say you, Sean, like you roll up on me, right? And you're wearing a cowboy snap flannel shirt. And you're like, yo, my man, like let's do these drugs. And then Hayes, you walk up and you're like, yeah, I'm down, you know? And then me, I go.
Starting point is 00:16:44 And Hayes is with Stephanie McMahon and they're about to have sex too, which is also out of bounds. And then he's got his keyboard on his back because – Well, you said one of us is coming, but you didn't want to say who. My thing about that, about the NoFap stuff, I'm totally on board with that because that's mine. You know what I mean? That's kind of the source, the energy source for me. Yeah. I'm not going to give that, just like distributing that around freely.
Starting point is 00:17:11 You know what I mean? That's for me to, you know, to use. We talked about this on the show before, but you are, of course, saving your load for marriage. Right. But the thing, and what they don't tell you is that when you don't, like, because again, like I haven't, I've never done it. I have no idea what that feels like, but it causes bloat. It does. So now I'm like, I've got a little bit of a tummy and people are like, oh, this guy's
Starting point is 00:17:35 like unhealthy. Not eating right. Yeah. No, no, no, no. No, he eats great. Because my load is backing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's a give and take.
Starting point is 00:17:42 And women are turned on by that. And Kevin, actually, who just walked in, could talk a lot about this. Yeah. And, of course, I've talked about this on the show before, but it's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean of load that you've saved up. Right. That really gets girls going.
Starting point is 00:17:59 Right. And that's why we actually, at Red Wings, have started a new line of surf boots, but they're condoms. Oh, please talk about this more. Okay, so you know the surf boots. They're strapped to the board. Haze can't figure them out, but most people can in the FAQs, the frequently answered questions. But we actually have a patent on a printed condom because now a lot of people, you know, you see a lot of custom socks.
Starting point is 00:18:28 You know, you see a lot of custom shoes. Yeah. We're like, why is no one like think about how fun that is to see a surf boot enter someone like it goes in them. It's like you're actually you're physically kicking, you know. Speaking of custom, did this slang term ever get to you? Calling people custody? Custy. Yeah. I'm from the south, so.
Starting point is 00:18:51 They used to call people custody where I was from. Really? Yeah. Okay. Kevin, what do we, do you remember the conversation we had last time? Yes. Do you want to say, tell me the conversation we had back to me first. Okay.
Starting point is 00:19:04 It has been said that it is creepy when I enter the room. And, hi, yeah, sir, I'm supposed to
Starting point is 00:19:11 first apologize. Sorry that I didn't ask. Yeah, yeah, super weird. Can I take your photo for the website? I promise it's going
Starting point is 00:19:22 to look great. Okay. No. Okay, just let me delete these really great. Okay. No. Okay. Just let me delete these really quick. Okay. So, thanks. Kevin.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Now, you guys, he works for you? I guess that's technically what's going on. Go ahead. I was going to say it's turned into that since I've started at Earwolf. Yeah. Yeah, we did end up annexing Kevin at some point. Initially, Kevin was at Earwolf, yeah. Yeah, we did end up annexing Kevin at some point. Initially, Kevin was at Earwolf, but since then... We absorbed him into Wolf Cool.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Yeah, he has been osmosised into... Okay, but I'm sorry. We're Hollywood power brokers, and then you just have some dude roll in. That's more so than losing your fap to, you know, the masses. It's like, again, like, I was raised by six Aborigines. And the one thing we know is that when you get your picture taken, like, that's the fap of your soul. Yeah, wow.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Right? That's you blasting the load of your soul into the camera. And so, it's the ultimate money shot. This is so interesting because you are a model.
Starting point is 00:20:33 Right. We do want to talk about modeling. Yeah, we were going to talk about that but you won't be photographed. Yeah, and that's
Starting point is 00:20:41 why it's so interesting. Yeah. Because it's like... That's like fucking me up in a good way. But, okay, but did you guys see that big Nordstrom campaign with me? Oh, yeah. And all it said was Nordstrom. Right.
Starting point is 00:20:55 That's right. And people were like, okay. It's on every store. Yeah, you were amazing. It's over the entrance of every store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're awesome in it. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:02 And so when I walked in... Because, again, I don't have headshots. I've never auditioned for anything. Yeah. I walked in for this campaign. Okay. And where are you walking into? Is it a studio or is it?
Starting point is 00:21:15 Yeah, yeah. It's a warehouse. Oh, wow. And, you know, my homie Tredge runs it. His name is actually. Talk about Tredge. Well, Tredge is actually a mix of the names Terry and Reggie.
Starting point is 00:21:30 His dad's name was Terry. His dad's name was Reggie? Yeah. When I walked in, Tredge showed me around. It was a new space for him. Then he introduced me to Carell.
Starting point is 00:21:47 And Carell. Steve Carell? No, no, no. This is actually Carell Stevens. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a different guy. And you can see how people would be freaking out about that.
Starting point is 00:21:57 And they're like, all right, we're ready to shoot. And I said, cool, let's do it. And I took my shirt off. And then they pulled out a camera. And I was like, whoa. What is this? Nah, nah, nah, cool, let's do it. And I took my shirt off, and then they pulled out a camera, and I was like, whoa. What is this? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. And so when they tried to do that, I said, you know, this is. Oh, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. And then I said, what's my name? Uh. And they were like, yes, sir. They had to say it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:23 Yeah. You got them. You had to give it up. You got them at that point. Yeah, yeah. So I did that. Oh, nah, nah, yes, sir. They had to say it. Yeah. You got them at that point. Yeah, yeah. So I did that. Oh, la, la, la, la. Yeah. And then it was so cool because I did that a few times.
Starting point is 00:22:32 I just kept saying, what's my name? What's my name? And they were like, yes, sir. And then I was just like. Oh, wow. And that's the sound of you using your heelies to get out of there. And Kevin, before you. No, that was me
Starting point is 00:22:45 like cause I was like like I am a bird you know what I'm saying wow yes sir what a great
Starting point is 00:22:54 attitude yeah thank you that's really brave and so it's like that's when I leave here today that's what you guys
Starting point is 00:23:02 should be thinking about yourselves like yo like yo I'm a I'm a bird yeah yeah like a leave here today, that's what you guys should be thinking about yourselves. Yo, like, yo. I'm a bird. Yeah, like a pigeon really is kind of what it sounds like. You can choose the bird.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Kevin, I did want to talk to you a little bit about what we were saying before, which is, and Yas is talking a lot about shooting, headshots, all this must make you think of loads. Yeah, I was going to say that. I know you've been saving up a big blast for the right one. Are we any closer to meeting that lady?
Starting point is 00:23:35 I would say two steps back. Okay, so it's been two steps back. And the last time we met him, it was three steps back. So he's now five steps back. Yeah, I'm watching from a distance, but not like in the way where I take photos here. I asked for permission. And like, yeah, sorry, I gotta
Starting point is 00:23:52 know. Great catching up, guys. Good to see you, Kevin. And thanks so much for coming in, and now please leave. It's so crazy you guys would allow someone like that in here. Well, I see that as similar to the sort of charity work that you did with D.A.R.E. Like we're taking someone under our wing.
Starting point is 00:24:13 We're birds, so we got wings. See, finally. The bird thing. It has taken a while. Cool. Yeah, it feels good. no kevin is bad for sure um why why is it why do we why do we do this i don't know i started to say why and then i realized that i myself don't really know i think i always thought it was your thing oh really that kevin was
Starting point is 00:24:43 sort of a sean thing yeah and i wonder if you thought that it was me that was like hayes's friend who's doing the kevin thing yes i thought you knew kevin right from before yeah okay now cody does it make you upset that you are notorious like traditionally the one who's so bad and nobody likes you. Kevin's on your corner a little bit. But now people are talking about that Kevin is the one who's bad and is doing a bad job. I try really hard to not have much of an emotional
Starting point is 00:25:14 attachment to anything in particular at all, at any time. So, I can't answer that question. I'm sorry. The thing that's true about what you said is that you try really hard. Like that part of your sentence I agree with.
Starting point is 00:25:31 Right. But also it's like, again, you guys invited me here and all we're doing is inviting more people. More people. Do we need more people? I'm sorry. I would have brought my friends and family. More people? I'm sorry. I would have brought my friends and family. Or you're here to talk to one of the purest, most honest stand-up slash models.
Starting point is 00:25:53 A lot of people would kill for this kind of opportunity, you know? And I feel like... No, it's big for us. And I think we're just nervous a little bit because we haven't had a stand-up slash model who refused to have his picture taken. Right. But don't be nervous. It's like, you guys, I'm just like you. I wear regular boxers that are a little loose in the waistband. I wear a white V-neck t-shirt.
Starting point is 00:26:15 I wear six to seven wooden necklaces at any given time. So it's like I look. Okay, so that's what's under the t-shirt. So I have two gold necklaces and that's so people are comfortable but then what sounds like a bamboo wind chime when I walk
Starting point is 00:26:35 is actually the wooden necklaces under my shirt. That explains the sound and the appearance of your chest which is bulky. And the stomach is bulky too because of what we talked about. There's a lot of fat. A lot of fat. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Are you doing any Thanksgiving modeling? Okay, and this is a question I've gotten a lot. And people are like, so when you carve the turkey, are you posing with it? Or what are you going to do with it? Are you going to do a Mr. Bean style head inside the turkey shot? posing with it or you know what are you gonna do with it you're gonna do a mr bean style head inside the turkey shot yeah like am i gonna hold on to a ring of pineapple from the ham and like hold it like a watch in a leonardo di caprio watch ad you know and it's like do i get a day off am i gonna get a day off from this you this? And it's like the idea that my mom would even ask me something like that. It's like you need to chill.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Like I've done more than enough. I brought a real legacy, a real legacy to this family. And instead it's like what's Yasser going to do? What's Yasser going to do at Thanksgiving? Is he going to pour cranberry sauce all over him right you know like is it gonna be like that tupac uh bathtub photo where he's covered in gold chains and his genitals but it's cranberry sauce yeah or mashed potatoes you know and it's just like and there's no photo of it right and it's just like i don't want to ruin
Starting point is 00:28:02 the holiday it's like yes i'll be sitting in a bathtub for six hours while people come in and out to see it because live modeling is, you know. Some people are like, you know, Kaufman-esque or whatever. And it's not. It's actually, it's real. There's nothing ironic about it. It's a thing that you do. So you think Kaufman was being ironic. This is a good thing to get into because we have been back and forth on it.
Starting point is 00:28:30 Whether he was a scoundrel or a sage. A genius, a scoundrel, a sage. Okay. A rat fink. An imp. Okay. An outlaw? A pan figure?
Starting point is 00:28:42 I don't know. I mean, here's the thing. I made that reference without knowing who he is. Uh huh. Who are we talking? Who's Andy? Okay. Andy Kaufman.
Starting point is 00:28:55 Yeah. Yeah. That's who I was picturing. It's so interesting. Cause it was so dead on. Oh, does that happen a lot that you like accidentally get something? You're almost channeling something. Well, you know what it is? I speak a lot that you like accidentally get something so perfect? You're almost channeling something. Well, you know what it is?
Starting point is 00:29:06 I speak a lot just like hearing words in context. Yeah. And then I'll remember that later. Things other people have said. Things other people have said. Sorry. I thought what you just said was really funny. I'm sorry that you are triggering this sound effect.
Starting point is 00:29:23 The crickets, especially to a stand-up. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that seems like something personal, I guess. Wait, what did you just show me on a sheet of paper, Cody? We need to take a break at some point. Why? Okay. So you can play your ads.
Starting point is 00:29:38 But we never, we always just put it in later. We've never done this before. Well, last time, the interview was really long, and there was no break, and I had to scrub through meticulously to find somewhere to put it. Okay, but see, again, like, why are you saying the word meticulous? You know, like, that's, like, why would someone... In front of Yasser.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Yeah, where is that coming from? That's such an aggressive act to say meticulous around Yasser. And it rhymes with ridiculous. And that's what you're calling him? Yeah and you're saying that Meticulousness with Robin Bigg Right and that show can get tedious I prefer ridiculous
Starting point is 00:30:14 And they're just scouring It's like they watch the clip And then they just go through every second And they're like okay this frame is different They're like copy editing Shaving frames off the front So anyway This is actually pretty embarrassing for you They're like, okay, this frame is different. They're like copy editing. They're like shaving frames off the front. So anyway, this is actually pretty embarrassing for you.
Starting point is 00:30:30 I'm sorry that you would. That's all right. So Cody, we are not going to do a break, okay? Okay. Can you cross off where you wrote break on that sheet of paper, please? Yeah, sure. Thank you very much. Thanks, Cody.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Live modeling. I've decided I am doing it all the time. Yeah. I realize that I am a model because I am actually in a pose. Okay. Now, think about this. And you guys really, I want you to make sure you're focused on the things I'm saying. I'm thinking about it. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Now, have you ever stood before? No, no, no,. Thank you. Now, have you ever stood before? No, no, no, no. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Have you ever sat before? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Have you ever laid down before? Yes. I'll put that somewhere. Okay. Yes. Now, you know those times you're laying down?
Starting point is 00:31:19 Yeah. Yes. That's it. Intimately. That's it. I'm very familiar, yeah. That's, you've been doing live my whole life. Hashtag. Intimately. That's it. I'm very familiar. You've been doing live model life. Hashtag gurney life.
Starting point is 00:31:28 Yeah. Oh. Oh, because you're sick. Yeah. Or they are. You know, the standards are. Which of us is sick? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:40 You know? Yeah. Actually, again, I don't know what R means. Oh, wow. You are doing so great for not knowing this stuff. Yeah, no, with the standards, it's like, are they sick for trying to get places so quickly? I mean, I guess if I'm on a slope, I am
Starting point is 00:32:08 going very fast. Oh, God, yes. On the gurney? Terrifyingly fast. But I don't know. I'm still... I'm not weird about it. Remember the wheelie guys from Return to Oz?
Starting point is 00:32:24 Yes, the wheelers. But Return to Oz? Yes. The wheelers. Yeah, but explain it to Yasser because I do know, but explain it to him. In Return to Oz, she's gone back to Oz. Okay. And there's men with wheels on hands and feet. Okay. So they're cars. Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:43 Okay. I love that movie. Oops! Is Cody texting you? Cody just texted me. We have to take a break. Interesting. I didn't want to say it again, but I was hoping to quietly
Starting point is 00:32:59 mention it. But Cody, it's so long into it now. Why would we take a break? How long have we been recording? 48 hours. No, Cody. Oh, come on. All right. I'm going to say that the 48 is right because I don't think you have the
Starting point is 00:33:12 brain capacity to make up two things. So I'm going to say it's 48 minutes. That's a terrible time to take a break. And also, Cody, like, when's the last time you took a break? You know? Oh, wow. Cody's getting it. You know what?
Starting point is 00:33:28 I'm going to step back. I'm going to step back from this. Is that okay? Because I do want to watch this play out. I want to give it my full attention. I'm not going to be contributing, but I do want to watch. Sean, what about you? I want to give you guys room to do something.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Obviously, I'm reading something on my phone, so I don't want to sort of get in the middle. It's like when you don't want to break up a dog fight because you could get your finger bit. I'm about to watch these two titans go at it. But if you're having a dog fight, you're going to bite another person's finger from a different airplane? You swoop in close enough to bite them.
Starting point is 00:34:08 I've never. The Red Baron, yeah. Okay, cool. Cody dresses the Red Baron. Now, Cody, I was asking you earlier, and I'm sorry that these two hijacked the podcast, but when I asked you when's the last time you took a break, you did like a, like a.
Starting point is 00:34:24 Like a. Now, when I say. It was not like that the first time when I ask you a question like that I'm not asking as a dude who can change your life and career or whatever I'm asking as a dude who is from the same collective consciousness as you
Starting point is 00:34:41 and wants to see you do better and live better. So I'm going to ask again and without any cynicism, answer me. All right. When is the last time you took a break? Man, like I'm like holding that is so stupid. You guys, it's like he can't. I've never met someone who's like, I don't know. I don't know break.
Starting point is 00:35:07 I don't know the word break. Yeah. I never met anyone who did that. And I am not meeting one right now, you know? Yeah. It's – Like that's frustrating. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:19 It's like I'm sitting here. When am I going to meet that guy so I can give him my fat? Oh, I dare you to give him your fat. But you were just daring me to laugh. Do you find that daring people in danger is a big part of your life? Yeah, well, like when I was an extra on the film Cliffhanger. Oh, gosh, yes. We're getting into this.
Starting point is 00:35:44 I wondered if you'd be willing to talk about it. Yeah, it was so long ago, and it feels kind of stupid at this point to be like, that's where I got my start, you know? Yeah. But you don't want to erase your past. Oh, wow, okay. I never thought of it that way. Because a lot of people physically go in with an eraser.
Starting point is 00:36:01 And it's like, were you going to break into the city hall? And it doesn't work on a movie, in my experience. Right. You can't erase a movie like that. Not on a computer screen either
Starting point is 00:36:13 because I've been trying to erase a lot of my past, like a lot of the sites where I'm registered on and I've been going like, I don't really want people to see this and I'm trying to erase it.
Starting point is 00:36:21 Yeah, in my experience you cannot do it that way. Right. In my experience you can. Oh, wow. But don't do it. Right. It my experience, you cannot do it that way. Right. In my experience, you can. Oh, wow. But don't do it. Right. It is possible, but don't.
Starting point is 00:36:29 It is possible. Okay. Anything is possible. Wow. And that's something I learned from working at Adidas also. Wow. That impossible is also nothing. But when I was working on Cliffhanger,
Starting point is 00:36:40 people were like, hey, I don't dare you to keep working on this dangerous movie and i said okay well how about i dare myself god sir you did that to yourself yeah and you know like i won a tony for that movie yeah sir you won the award what does it feel like for a man to dare himself and win the tony for that movie i mean it was invigorating because it was always my dream to wake up one day and win the Tony Parker Award. Wow. That's right. That ceremony is in the morning.
Starting point is 00:37:18 Yeah. And the weirdest thing about it is you go to the awards and you wear the tux and there's the glitz and the glamour. And then you get inside and you think they're just going to put you in the seats yeah sir you thought that yeah but they put a harness on you and hang you from the ceiling and you watch the show no hanging above your own seat and it's like oh okay i get yeah yeah i like those early award shows because then you still have your whole day. Yeah, yeah. Once it's over, you know, like you can actually do your own stuff.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Yeah. Well, you know the slogan to the award show is come early so you can hang out later. Oh, wow. We were laughing, dude. We were like, okay. And when you're up there, you're like, okay, all right. Who wrote this? Gotta give it up. You had to give it up. The writer's name was Cliff. And I was like. Oh, okay. And when you're up there, you're like, okay, all right. Who wrote this? And it tied it up.
Starting point is 00:38:06 You had to give it up. The head writer's name was Cliff. And I was like. Oh, wow. I was just like, is this coincidence? Is this, you know? Yeah. I was, dog, that was.
Starting point is 00:38:14 And granted, I was seven. But I was just like, okay. Cliff Bemis was the head writer of the show within the show on The Grinder. Yeah. Yeah. And I worked on that. Now, how many of these words as you're talking, what percentage of the words within the show on the grinder. Yeah, and that. Now, how many of these words as you're talking, what percentage of the words do you know?
Starting point is 00:38:32 Yeah, which ones are you just kind of guessing at and which ones are you fully knowing what they mean? Right. Well, if we're going to go with percentages, do you want to go with percentages or an actual count? Because the last sentence I said, I knew three words. Oh, wow. And it was a long sentence it was a run on actually right so yeah so that's got to be wow you're functioning at such a high level just cold guessing what sounds you should make with your mouth at almost every turn yeah yeah so it's like i'm good at that. I'm also good at cup stacking. Those are the two things that
Starting point is 00:39:06 I've just picked up. I just picked that up. That's the future of entertainment, really. Because we've kind of tapped into almost every other avenue. Obviously people aren't going to be watching TV or going to theater anymore, but cup stacking.
Starting point is 00:39:23 And it's getting democratized to the point where it used to be just the ivory tower cup stackers, but cup stacking. Cup stacking. And it's getting democratized to the point where it used to be like just the ivory tower cup stackers, but now you see lots of people just like kids are doing it. Well, there was such a barrier to entry before where really people were only allowed to have two or three cups. Right. And now it's like we're, I think my last count, I saw seven. Wow. And I was like, okay, are we building the pyramids?
Starting point is 00:39:48 Yeah, and how many of those are you able to actually stack? Me? Yeah. Of the seven? Yeah. Four. Okay. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:39:55 So actually just the sad thing is that I don't know how to stack them. So it actually is just two cups with two cups under them. Okay, I can picture this. Yeah, that's pretty strong. And so when you see that, you're like, oh, there's two cups on the table. And then I have to be like, oh, no, it's actually like a sculpture. Okay, we are going to take a break now. Is there anything you want to plug before we go to the break?
Starting point is 00:40:23 Yeah, again, a lot of people know that I work at GE. And so I actually weirdly want to plug surge protectors. So if anybody at home needs a surge protector, tweet at me at YasserThePlug. And that's T-H-A plug. So you are a plug. Nice. Nice. Dude, okay, I'm sorry. Nice. Cody, we can hear you. that's T-H-A plug so you are a plug nice right and like nice
Starting point is 00:40:45 dude okay I'm sorry nice Cody we can hear you are we gonna take this break dude cause like anyway
Starting point is 00:40:53 so Yasser the plug Yasser the plug yeah is that a play on anything no no no okay yeah oh wow
Starting point is 00:41:00 okay so we are we do have a couple ads to take care of and then we're gonna be right back on Hollywood Handbook. Bye. Bye. Hollywood Handbook is brought to you by Wolf Cool Productions,
Starting point is 00:41:16 a subsidiary of Calvin and Hobbes. Ow, baby.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.