Hollywood Handbook - Zach Gilford, Our Close Friend

Episode Date: April 14, 2014

The Hollywood Handbook guys start off with some tips on how to pitch a movie in the segment "Pitch Perfectly", with topics like writing yourself into scripts and classic beach pranks. Then ZACH GILFORD from Friday Night Lights shows up to complain about how annoying film crews are, the dynamics of working with your wife, and the Popcorn Gallery is back again to ask more important questions about Taylor Swift and starving children.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. So, Martha, Clinton, and I are walking out of Movies Bistro holding hands, and all the camera guys are like, oh, are you guys, like, friggin' doing it? And I'm like, no, man, neither one of us wants to let go of the last breadstick The breadsticks there are Great wine Amazeballs Unreal

Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook What up, what up everybody Dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz My name is Hayes Davenport, I'm here with Sean Clements What up, what up We are sort of gentlemen about town in Hollywood, where the movies industry is. And something we like to do is to teach other people how to become famous in Hollywood. And one of the biggest mistakes that people make when they're trying to be Hollywood guys is when they're pitching movies.

pitching movies. And when you have the opportunity to pitch a movie to a Hayes or a Sean or to a Spielberg or a Vince Vaughn or to an Owen Wilson or a Luke Wilson or an Andrew Wilson, you don't want to squander that opportune. You want to make the most of it. So we do a segment on the show that people love called Pitch Perfectly. I can't tell you how many times early in my pitching career, when I kind of just moved out here, I don't think I'd even unpacked my clothes, where I would pitch a movie and the guys would be like, great, let's do it.

Let's do the movie. And I'd be driving home and that's when I'd have like the forehead slap moment. The lightning bug moment. I'd do a big face palm and be like, why didn't I pitch myself into that frigging movie? Yes. And I remember when I had first moved out here, and I don't even think I had put on shoes yet. I think I was still in, like, slipper socks.

And I was pitching, you know, 10, 15 movies a day, and they were getting made. And then I would be on my moped just sort of cruising back towards my house, and I would have that moment that we all think of, the sort of moment where you just jam your thumb in your eye and you go like, you stupid. And you are so mad. And I'd go, why didn't I put myself in that movie?

People, this is a mistake you see a lot. Some people know their way around it, but they'll pitch a movie and they'll forget to pitch themselves into it too. Here's an amateur, a huge amateur mistake that you'll see. So you're some nobody. You're Engineer Sam or you're some loser. And you are at a luncheonette and you meet somebody who's charming and famous. Let's think of an example.

Okay, I've almost got one, Ian Somerhalder. And you're with Ian and you leave and you go, that guy should be in movies. And the next day at your movie pitch, you go, I want to write something for Ian Somerhalder. Ian Somerhalder is going to be the guy who invents Gatorade. And they love it. And they want to make it. And then you realize, why didn't you just go, and this is what Hayes and I always do if we meet someone famous or cool, an Ian Somerhalder type, we go, I want to write a movie for Ian Somerhalder and me. The and me is so important and probably even more important than Ian Somerhalder.

And these days I leave Ian out of the pitch. Yeah. I mean, just an example of a time. These are friends of ours who made this mistake when Nat Faxon and Jim Rash were pitching The Descendants.

Good friends of yours were sort of community freaks. Six seasons of the movie. And a movie and a theme park. Yeah, we love all the little inside stuff. The internet.

Those guys were pitching that movie and the movie is fine. It's a fine movie but they pitch it sort of like George Clooney is an attorney, and he's the sole trustee of kind of his family's trust, and he's deciding whether or not to sell the land or to keep it in the family. To make a lot bigger or make it smaller.

And at the same time, his wife is in a boat accident, and she's in a coma. She smashed a boat with her head or something. But he finds out that at the same time she has been unfaithful to him with Matthew Lillard. And so he and Shailene Woodley and his other daughter go to find Matthew, to get answers about his wife's infidelity. Bow bridges, yeah. If we're pitching that movie, we'd go. So George Clooney's an attorney in Hawaii, right?

And we go, but you never see him. Yeah, you never see him. That's in the background. Meanwhile. Yeah, meanwhile. The two of us are frigging laying out on the beach, like chilling with like sipping out of a half a coconut. Snapping thongs, right? Straight up sharking girls.

Splashing around. The other coconuts kind of hanging off our ding-dongs as we're doing beach pranks and stuff. Beach pranks, sand in the drink, sand in the food, all the famous beach pranks.

Cranking up a sea-dew and being like boom! Hitting a wave and getting air and be like whoa and yeah it like as soon as it looks like you're gonna wipe out you like do a flip and suddenly you're like right side up and it's yeah you're fine and you splash the nerd and the nerd is like my glances and shailene woodley is still there. And she's like our girlfriend. And she's like really down to earth and chill. But like she also knows how to like be sort of a freak sometimes. But at the same time, there is a more traditionally hot girl that wants us.

And we're boning her and the whole time going like, but isn't our conversations with Shailene even better? And can we have it all? And that's what's so chill about Shailene is a girlfriend that like she understands that like, you know, like for us to be able to experiment and stuff, it actually makes our bond a little bit stronger with her. Because we can appreciate like

when I was boning that traditionally hot girl, we had literally nothing to talk about. Nothing to talk about, yes. And so that's to Shailene's benefit. Right, and exactly. And that's exactly right in how you can do the boning and not have to worry about it so much anymore. And we're not all boned out after that one girl.

We still have something for Shailene, and I think that's a really important message. And sometimes it gives you something to think about when you're boning like your chill down to earth girlfriend like some other good bone that you like had recently yes and so there's sort of that message and then maybe at the end clooney pops up over the credits like there's like a bonus scene with him i guess we'd be there too but maybe it's us us with Clooney. And so it's still the Descendants. You still do have the Clooney aspect. Oh, sure.

But doesn't this movie sound more marketable, more fun, more funny, more cool? And it's an opportunity for you. I mean, that is a big part of it. It's an opportunity for you to get your brand out there in a way that you can't just by writing a bunch of words for other people to say like if you're you're the one pitching the movie you control what's in the movie you might like you might as well put yourself in there yeah you wouldn't go like to pitch a big company or something to like a bank bank guy and be like here's this like really great company i have a really awesome idea I want to do for, like, frigging the Starbucks guy to do instead.

Why would you do that? It's the opposite of what you'd want to do. You don't see people on Shark Tank going in and going like, ooh, I've got a new way for moms to change, like, sheets that they, you know, their kid pissed on or whatever. And then going like and fucking give all the money to fucking, you know, the Dunkin Donuts guy or whatever. Or the Tinker Toys, you know, dude, when the money gets made and make sure he's famous afterwards. It's like... Why? It makes no sense.

Why would you ever do that? No one would watch that. And so to me, I'm almost pissed at a really fun way to think about it before your pitch meeting. Just think about one of your favorite movies. Give the one line pitch of the movie hey what's one of your favorite movies from the past 10 years uh you know i loved hugo okay hugo so the one line pitch of that is some no-name fucking kids doing some weird time travel bullshit and scorsese's like, you know, taking a nap. So I would say you picture that.

You go, okay, I don't want to pitch that, but could I add something to that one-line pitch to make the movie better? And for me it's, you go, some bullshit-ass fucking no-name kid who's never going to do jack shit is doing some time travel thing or whatever in 3D and i'm there i'm like his little friend like i'm walking on my knees with like shoes on my knees so i'm like a little kid too but i'm like sort of horny yeah and it's like forced perspective stuff so i look so small and i'm so horny and so small that when I'm like, let's say I wind up like, you know, we're leaning over a balcony. I fall out of the rafters and I land in some chick's bazongas. I'm so small that the way they can do it with technology now, and I think Scorsese knows how to do this, is it looks like the bazongas are the size of me, you know?

And I'm like, that's a playground for me. Comedically, as an actor, and sexually, it's a playground. And then that robot shows up, and he's like, whatever. He does, like, he writes books or some boring bullshit. And I show up, and I'm like, not anymore. And I, like, turn it into, like, he writes books or some boring bullshit. Yeah. And I show up and I'm like, not anymore. And I like turn it into like a fingering machine. Yeah. I just fucking take a screwdriver, jam it in the back of the robot, twist it and go,

this should be a little more fun. Slip my shades down from off my forehead, sit back and watch. And he's fingering whoever. And it could be somebody funny too you know it doesn't always have to be someone sexy uh it could be an old lady or it could even be like the prime minister's butt or chloe moretz i mean she was in the first one i don't see any reason to not use her again for something like that yeah oh what oh like oh you can't use her to be, like, fingered in a movie because, like, I don't even know why, but, like, some people. Well, it's just all this PC stuff that's happening now.

I know. I know. I think because she needs to be, like, multicultural or something because she's. Or she has to finger herself so she's an active protagonist or whatever, and it's just one of those notes that it's, like, it's a technical note. protagonist or whatever, and it's just one of those notes that it's like, it's a technical note. We have a great guest today. We've been interested for a long time in having serious actors who can be sad in movies and be scared, because we've had so many comedy people on.

And so Zach Guilford, the star of Friday Night Lights and the upcoming The Purge 2, is going to be joining us to talk about his craft very soon on Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. Hollywood Handbook. So, I'm in Dash with Sarah Michelle Geller. And she turns over one of the, you know, tags and there's no price. She goes, hmm, I guess it's free.

And Chloe's like, no, it's actually really expensive. I was like, we fucking know that. We're fucking joking. And I bought it. Chloe. Seven years. Hey, welcome to Hollywood Handbook, an insider's guide to kicking butt and dropping names in the red carpet lineback hallways of this industry we call showbiz.

Got a very exciting guest today. Some actors make you laugh and they tell jokes and those are called like comedians and we've had a lot of them on the show to do like funny stuff. And they are comedy people and they do comedy jokes and it's for people to laugh at. Yes. Yes. Some other actors though can pretend to be sad and be really angry. Or get scared.

Or get really scared. And that's the kind of actor we've wanted to have in here for a long time. And be brave, too. Yes. And be very proud. And we've got a real stud here today, Zach Guilford. Hi. Star of Friday Night Lights.

Off the map. The mob doctor. The upcoming purge anarchy. A lot of good shit I've done. But I also just want to point out, you know, like, yeah, I'm brave and make people sad or all that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could be funny too oh well absolutely no one oh

that was one of the first questions i had one of the first questions i had because you know we're hanging out before we record this thing and i'm laughing my whole butt off like you're busting up my shit and i'm going how does this guy turn off his funniness? Acting. To quote the great comedian John Lovitz. Classic SNL skit. The pathological liar one. Acting.

People in this business, I think a big thing, I don't know if you've told your audience, people want to pigeonhole you. You've got to diversify. I've been holding off on the funny in my career just because I really want to wait for the right Yeah. So you got to diversify. And I've been holding off on the funny in my career just because I really want to wait for the right moment

and the right script. I don't want to do some shit comedy. Yeah, no. Like, I don't know, Hangover 3 or some bullshit like that. Yes.

So am I allowed to swear on here? You can. You can. We don't let everyone. Okay, well, I'll hold it back. Anyway,

I just want to clear that up. Anyway. The Hangover 3 was a piece of shit. It was a fucking, like a cunt. Yeah, and me, yes. Thank you, Hayes. And we have a lot of regrets on what we did with that movie. It was a cash grab for us.

Yes. When we, you know, we just kind of showed up on set and they were like, we want you to direct this. We want you to kind of do it all. And we thought actually that it was going to be you. They were like, Zach G is going to be in this. And we're like,

oh, great. Of course. Great. Well, we know we can find it on the day then. Yes. And we show up and it's this fucking toad. No, I actually was busy filming Mob Doctor. I don't know if you guys... Yeah, well, that's what we... Check the whole series.

That's what we found out later. Well, going home and watching it on TV and then being like, oh, of course, that's where he is. Yeah, so... Yeah. And they had you... Did they accidentally switch roles in that? Because I remember your doctor's coat was like way too big.

Like it was supposed to be a fat guy's. Yeah. No, I just, it gets hot under the lights if you're on a set, you know? Oh, yeah. This is like a little, you know, a trick that someone taught me early in my career. Like wear clothes that are a little bigger because you won't pit out in them. Or, you know, you can fit more kind of undershirts underneath the soap keep a tiny fan in there one of those handheld fans you can have it underneath your exactly sound bitches about it but sound bitches about

everything yes like oh can you not zip your zipper yeah because that's right over the mic or like don't touch your hand stop pounding your chest yeah and you're like i'm fucking like acting here yeah okay and don't get shut up sound just fucking hold your mic and figure it out yeah i'm figuring out how to act you figure out how to record the sound of my acting you're doing your character is supposed to do like a gorilla yell yeah my character's doing a tarzan impression you're gonna pound your chest yeah exactly and also it's called the mob doctor so yeah i going to be rubbing a stethoscope all around my chest in circles trying to find the heartbeat. So yeah, you're going to have a little bit of a sound problem, buddy. Yeah.

Work it out. Figure it out. Fucking crews. I swear to God, they get in the way. It's like, we can make such great movies if it wasn't for yeah the sound and the lighting jerk offs and all the fucking assholes yeah who's your least favorite person on the crew man um don't make him pick yeah exactly well i was telling you guys before i think the person who drives me the most batshit crazy is the focus puller oh it's like they get this i mean audience you guys know they'll come up to me

after seeing and be like hey we're in really tight focus here okay so if you move just like an inch you go out of focus so can you like kind of try and stay i'm like fuck you dude i'm acting like are you kidding really i'm i'm my someone just died or I'm saving a life and I'm supposed to think about don't move an inch. No, like you turn your fucking knob, man. My, I get so upset. My language goes out the window. No, it's okay.

That's true. It's so real. And I don't know if you've noticed, but when somebody is like friend dies, like they do move an inch. Yes. You know, you move a foot. Yeah. somebody's like friend dies like they do move an inch yes you know you move a foot yeah and it's like well it's like tell my character not to move an inch you know and then he's like why like why can't i why is anyone telling me what to do move an inch yeah of course

yeah i don't know it's it's supposed to be this collaborative effort making film or TV, and they just make it so about them. Yeah. Sad. It is sad. It's sad to think about the psyche of someone like that who thinks that it's about them. And the other thing I've always wondered, I have a video camera. You ever heard of autofocus?

Like, Jesus, why are you wasting my time turning this knob just turn it on autofocus everybody's happy they're afraid they're gonna be put out of a job yeah i sometimes wonder if they're even doing anything or if they're just like kind of making like a beep beep sound as they like pretend to turn the lever or some bullshit i don't know. They're so sucky. Purge Anarchy is coming out in July. You play Shane. Yep. Like a scared guy. No, no, no, no.

Oh. I mean, you know, there's shit going down. Right. But I'm not some little girl running around being scared. Oh, good. I'm with my wife in the movie, Liz. Just did air quotes for the audience.

And that woman, that character, is played by Keely, my wife. Real life. My real life wife. And that's because you're so committed to the role. You think of her as your wife. For real. Well, for real.

Well, I do, but also because we actually got married in real life. Because real life and the movie are basically the same thing. Realistic. Yeah, basically. I mean, you could explain it that way. Okay. I think that makes sense. Yeah.

At what point in the movie did you get married? Like a year before. Okay. Wow. So all prep, during rehearsals kind of. Yeah, kind of. So this is a sequel. We did it like a few months before the first movie came out.

So yeah, chicken or the egg sort of thing. I don't know. Yes. If I could real quick, I just can't help but notice the irony that we were talking about focus pullers, and Sam got up and moved the microphone very loudly. Engineer Sam. Sort of pulling focus to himself. Whose job is actually just supposed to be making sure that everyone can hear us.

Right. And then he's like trying to make it that we can hear him doing something. Right. How come, Sam? and then he's trying to make it that we can hear him doing something. How come, Sam, did you have something you wanted to say and why would you have anything? I was trying to take a picture. The mic was in the way of your face. I'm sorry. Yuck.

This guy. Does he do all your shows? No, but no one else is good either. He's Sean's little cousin. I don't know if people know that. He's my little cousin. A whiz on the internet, and so that's great. He's really great for computer stuff.

Socially not useful. So why do you give him a mic? Sometimes he has to go to the bathroom. We need him to tell us if he needs to use the bathroom because if he can't tell us in a way we can hear then it's going to be... If we can't hear it on the A side,

on the B side, it's going to be sloppy. Gotcha. Sorry, but we digress. Yes, it's fine. He's not interesting. You're interesting. Thanks. Thanks.

So you're married to a girl that was in the movie with you. What was that like going home and still sort of being in character and having to negotiate your marriage to her in the movie. And then in the real world, you know, it was really, it was really like just a mind boggle, you know,

because it's kind of this, uh, life represents art, art represents life and you get lost in the middle. Yeah. And, uh, you know,

I could be pissed off at her for something she did at work that day, in character, out of character, who knows at that point. Or I could be really into something she did. I just want to get down. And then realize she's just my wife. Right. So then I start pretending she's the character again. I'm kind of glad it's over because it put a lot of strain on the marriage.

And now I just know who she is. You're glad the marriage is over? No, actually, we kept the marriage going. Oh, wow. Okay. Is that for the potential of a sequel? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you know, because... Savvy. I don't want to give anything away. So I won't. All right. Scoop Troop, get out your pens, I don't want to give anything away. So I won't. All right. Scoop Troop, get out your pens, but don't write anything because Zach didn't say anything. But he doesn't want to give anything away. But he almost did.

I just gave you a nibble. So you should have your pen ready. Yes. In case he slips up again. And maybe just start drawing something while you wait. Just a little doodle while you're listening. But listen close. Don't let it distract you from listening to the

show. Our show. So maybe they shouldn't doodle then. No, just probably don't doodle. Just put the pen down. Yeah, just probably put the pen down. I'm not going to tell you anything, so you don't need to take any notes. Now, we've talked in the past, I think, about

how much harder movies football is than real football. Mm-hmm. Yes. I mean, it's true. Yeah. Because, you know, it's like not only do you have to – think of it this way. A real football player, they don't have to act like a real football player.

Yes. You know, they know how to throw the ball. They know how to get it where it's supposed to go and all that. And they just do it. And it doesn't matter if it looks right or not. Yeah. As long as they get the job done. I'm not actually a football player.

I'm good enough to be, but I chose to go into acting. But so like while I'm doing this and throwing balls or whatever i'm doing i also have to be acting you know which means i gotta look good i gotta look and depending on the scene like am i nervous about the throw am i confident in the throw yeah i mean there's a lot do you want the throw to land somewhere or get hit by someone yeah yeah yeah I was watching actually if you've seen like a real football showdown the guy throws the ball and if it doesn't get to be a catch

they don't have to do it again. They don't do another take. They just like now it's like a different play. You know? So sometimes they'll just have like a bad throw and then just show that on tv when it's supposed to be a good throw and like for you if you do a bad throw you have to

just keep doing it until you get it until you throw a tight spiral and doing the acting yes and dealing with all the below the line bullshit. You know? You know the worst is when you make this perfect throw, and they're trying to follow the ball, and it's this beautiful spiral, and it's out of focus. Because some dickhead. Some dickhead doesn't know how to turn his knob. Some bullshit is stupid.

He knows how to turn one of his knobs, but not the right one at that time. He's probably sitting around turning the wrong knob. Yeah, and he's jerking himself off during the take. Because he loves football. I like that you really explain things to your audience. Yeah, because sometimes the jargon, sometimes it's easy because we know it. And I don't know if we said this up top, but Zach, some of the people that are listening to this show

are living in real bullshit states where there's no fucking movies. Sure. And we don't know how they even get. You know, because of playing someone who is not like on the coast. Yeah. You know, you've played a lot of characters. Someone from Texas. Mob Doctor was in Chicago, right?

Yep. Fucking like, how do you access? There's no ocean anywhere near there how do you access the kind of character who doesn't like like go like who goes to the mall to eat it's it's it's hard man it's a dark place yeah it's a dark place and you know i really i just fake it like i'll go to the mall i I'll order something, and I'll pretend. You know that trick? From like an A&W place?

Yeah, an A&W. A&W or? Panda Express. Okay. That's a good one. I've seen those, yeah. What's your eating trick? You know, where you like, it only works from the side,

but you kind of put, you act like you're eating, and then you move it past your mouth. Just past your mouth and into your cheek, and then you just hide it in your ear. So I do it on my left side. Well, I just throw it on the floor. So someone on my right, to them, it looks like I'm eating. Yes. And then you do a loud, chewy noise.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's good. You know, I stop – like luckily they do have Whole Foods in most of these places. So I can go get a good lettuce wrap or something. Yeah. Yes. What is your actual eating uh habits what's your diet uh my diet is just you know clean living clean living no hormones no nothing do you juice oh i juice i'm a juiceaholic i got the nice breville juicer that's's the good kind of addiction, huh? Yeah. It's healthy. It's healthy.

You know, every morning. It's like, and it all comes out like liquid too. It keeps you light. It keeps you spry. It keeps you young. I love the way it comes out. Orange juice. I love it.

I haven't had that one. Orange juice? Mm-hmm. You've never had orange juice? I haven't done that one yet. I'm working my way through the fruits and vegetables alphabetically, so I'm not to O yet. You're not to O.

I'm kind of stopped on K. Zach, let's explain the popcorn gallery, I guess. Oh, wow. How do we break this down? So we told you about our, we have fans.

We have people who listen to the show. Of course. These people sometimes, when they're watching you on TV, right? If they have a question for you, they'll ask it, but you can't hear it. Like you can't respond to them. Because I'm not actually in the TV. Right, exactly. I'm not actually in their home. But it does look like you are because, like, they can see you.

They can, you know, you're talking to them. Why can't they talk to you? And another option they'll have is they might ask, you know, one of their, a lot of times this is four generations living in the same house or something. So they'll ask their great-grandmother who's sitting next to them. Or they'll ask their ugly kid. They're all sharing a big bed. Like, what do you think Zach would think about this? Yes, they're all sharing one huge bed. Is that what you said? Yes. Yeah. Watching TV. Yeah. And they'll say,

what do you think Zach thinks? And it's like, that kid doesn't know. And the great-grandmother often can't even hear. So we try, you know, explaining that they can't ask you through their TV, we've given them the opportunity to ask you some questions through the show. They've posted on our forums. So these are real questions

from our fans. And sometimes they'll be like, okay, I'll ask him a question. Can I like touch him now and stuff? And it's like, no, it's just like radio. Like we don't like have that technology. We would if we could.

But these are just questions for you to answer from some of your fans and ours. Okay. And it's called the Popcorn Gallery because they serve popcorn in movies instead of peanuts. Peanuts. So it's a play on the peanut gallery. In a way, that's a little too simple. And it's not your fault. That's a little too simple of a way to describe it but you're right around it you're right you're close yes you could throw a rock

and hit the right answer from where you are um uh but we're gonna ask you not to. So let's reach into the popcorn bag. Let's reach in there. Yum, popcorn. Is that our sound drop? Yeah, it's the sound drop. That's my friend Mark. This is a question from Matt Cameron. Zach, if you could work with any director, how much money would you want to get paid? It's so hard to put a price on those sort

of things. Yeah. You know, because you're like, this is, I could work with anyone. Yeah. But you got to get paid. You have to get paid. You know, I've made some mistakes in my career where I worked for very little money to work with not very famous directors. And I regretted it. Yeah, now you're making me act sad. Yeah. So, you know, probably, have you explained to your audience about quotes? This is a great opportunity to discuss quotes. What a good opportunity.

Yes, because what they're used to is going to work and then being paid in like a hollow tree. Like someone will leave the money in a tree and they'll just kind of fish it out. And a lot of times, too, the way that their bosses will regulate their money is, I don't know if you know this, but when you've reached your hand into a hollow tree

and you make a fist around a bunch of coins or whatever, it's hard to pull your hand out. It's the African monkey trap. So they make it so they can't get the money. Yes, exactly. It's the old African monkey trap. And so in that way, they do need an education a little bit on getting a check. And I think they think of quotes probably as just Winston Churchill quotes. The whole, you know, walk softly and fear your country or whatever. Sure. think they think of quotes probably as just winston churchill quotes the whole um or like

walk softly and fear your country or whatever sure or like chuck norris facts like from the internet but those actually aren't quotes but a lot of people think they are in our world explain how a quote works uh sort of in our industry sphere an, a working actor, an established actor, you develop your quote and so your first job you make, let's just say five dollars. So that's your quote next time and you're always going for a raise.

This guy can be funny. With each job, you up your quote and you're not taking less than your quote. To work with any director i want i would take you know i'd have to increase my quote by 50 sure you know i'm not gonna put a monetary value on that because that's kind of gauche to say a question from tim trees uh who i guess these are these real names they sound very fake yeah like a name like i don't know if they use like

a different name for the middle where you're it might just be like they're funny internet names like i they're allowed to put whatever name and I've tried to get this changed, but they're allowed to put whatever name they want on the internet. People can just do that. Really? There's no way to know if it's real. There's no accountability?

No, because they go into the library and they get on those internet computers and I guess they each get an hour a day on them. They can put any name. This is a question from Tim Treece, who we should stop and point out now, donated $300 to our show this week, which we know is like, for someone like him, is like a really big gesture. Huge.

To go around your little town with like a bucket and like having people put change in and stuff for something like this. It's like in church where they pass that thing around. It's just a scam. But here they have church outside there. Right. Yeah. I'm an atheist, so. Well, I am too.

Okay. Okay. Come on. Not this. Not now. Science is my God. Sean. Sean.

What did we? Come on. Not this. Science is my god. Sean, Sean. What did we... Come on. Not here. Okay? Sorry. He's afraid I'll alienate some of our fans. Anywhere else, you can talk about that. Well, you know that religion is the cause for most of the wars in this world.

Sean! What are you doing? Well, it is. Did you mark that? Did you mark that, Tim? Did you mark the whole thing? Yeah, mark it to pump the volume up on it because it's important that a lot of the wars in this world are caused by religion. That's the number one killer, actually.

It's not AIDS or whatever somebody said it is. It's war? Religion. And war, because of the wars. Okay, yeah. I'm getting back up. Sorry, Zach. I wish you didn't have to see this between us, but...

It's all right. Tim Treece asks, Zach, what training did you didn't have to see this between us, but... It's all right. Tim Treece asks, Zach, what training did you have to do to play a soldier in the Taylor Swift music video? Well, you know, they actually... Taylor had an actual soldier come in and make sure my uniform was all correct. an actual soldier come in and make sure my uniform was all correct. And, you know, they looked like a soldier and my things were tucked in right. The interesting thing is, here's another thing.

Everything was tucked in. Clarify. Well, you know, like pants into the boots and whatnot. Pants and shirts. Yeah. And also, okay. Yeah. And your stuff. Here's the interesting thing. And this is another thing that your And also, okay. Yeah. And your stuff. Here's the interesting thing,

and this is another thing that your audience will learn about the industry. So, you know, generally a soldier has a certain kind of high and tight, they call it in the military. And this guy really wanted me to get that haircut. However, I was in the middle of another job and I couldn't cut my hair. So we had to hide it with a hat. And he was really upset because that's not completely authentic. However, Taylor hired me second.

She's in what they call second position. Okay, doggy style. You could call that, I don't know, maybe. Yeah, that's the second most popular one, I think, in my house. What's the first? Upside down. 60-90. First position.

Yeah, that's first position. Now, the other thing that soldiers have to do is fight in wars. Did you have to get brainwashed into believing some bullshit-ass religion in order to wear that soldier's uniform? Oh, my God, Sean. I'm just saying. Do you have your fucking mind? A lot of the troops.

Sean, we are hanging by a thread. You know that. Wait, you guys are hanging by a thread? And I came in here? No, no, no. You sold me this huge adaptation. He's having a joke. Zach, Zach.

Hayes is having a joke. I just want to make sure we're all in the up and up here. Yes, you know my background in doing comedy stuff. He's having a joke. It's funny only because we are so popular and they are so likely to keep making this show. Okay, I was just checking in on that. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Let's reach back. Well, we have to reach. Actually, we have to reach retroactively back in the bag for the second question. Okay, yeah, let's get in there. So reach back in for the Tim Tree's question. Let me hit the sound drop that my friend Mark recorded for us. Yeah. Oh, I had my hand in the soda. Now we'll do it again for the third one.

Mm-hmm. Too much butter. This is a question from Shosho Bro. Shosho Bro says, What's up, Seven? How many fish did you catch during the filming of The River Y? Did they stock a bunch of fish right before scenes, or did they just hook them out of a bucket, plop them in the water,

and film you reel them in? Do you like fly fishing now? I'm sorry, that's a lot of questions. That's a lot. I think I can cover them. He's very excited. I actually love fly fishing. Big outdoorsman.

Big outdoorsman. I've backpacked across Alaska. I've ice climbed there. Oh, my God. climbed there I'm pretty serious He also says you were throwing some tight loops in that flick So props to you Well you know It's what I do

I throw tight spirals I throw tight loops if it's fly fishing Funny little thing The American Humane Association Whatever They were on set the whole time We weren't allowed to hook a live fish. So if I'm fishing in the movie, I'm not allowed to have a hook on it.

Just in case there happens to be a fish in the water and my hook happens to hit it. Even though that would be the most beautiful, authentic moment to catch on film. So what we'd have to do is I'd do all that, and then we'd have to get a dead fish i don't know how i mean do we just find dead fish or did we kill them i don't know and uh we'd have to like you know hook that one and so it's all in cutting cutting editing editing um so all animals caught Caught zero fish during the filming. All animals should be dead. Well, a lot. No, they should.

Because, like, the movies are for people. They are for people. If our freezer technology was good enough to keep the meat fresh, I would say that we should have all animals be dead starting tomorrow. But I don't think it's practical. No, it's the practicality. Because even if we could keep it all fresh, we'd run out eventually. Right.

And we'd want to make more animals. It would get so cold. But at that point, it'll all be on computers, I feel like. You can just do it right on your phone. Just 3D print it from your phone. Make a whatever. Deer meat. We have one more question.

From Michael Bay of Pigs. Let's find his question in the bag. Okay. Having trouble finding the button for the sound drop. Girl, there's a hole in the back. Oh, good. I'm going to jerk off through it. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm fucking the popcorn.

Oh. Michael Bay of Pigs asks, Hey, dear Zach. Seems like a typo. Hey, dear Zach. Michael Bay of Pigs asks, Hey, dear Zach. Seems like a typo. Hey, dear Zach. Why do you throw around the pigskin where there are starving children in the world? Because they pay me to.

I mean, I don't want to be a starving child. So I find an honest job and make an honest living. That's correct. Yeah. If they want to stop being starving, they should learn how to throw a tight spot. Learn how to do something. Probably start with speaking English. Mm hmm.

Uh, get a job. It's not that hard. Go to McDonald's. There's, there's one everywhere. Be like, go fry the fries, go to McDonald's, eat a big and be like I'll fry the fries

go to McDonald's eat a big meal and then start hunting for that job yeah you know you need some fuel in you first

I think is what you're getting at you can't get a job on an empty stomach and maybe there's a casting director there or something who's looking at it

for a location well order order in a funny way always order you know like abbreviations for the yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Abreeves. Yes.

That would be a cool thing. If you've got some shtick going at the counter, maybe you're making fun of the way they have to dress at that shitty restaurant, and then, boom, you're on TV. Don't use that specific. That's Sean's, and they'll have heard it on the thing. So don't use that because... If it's a casting director, yeah, they're going to know

that you're using my stuff. That you were copying. Zach, thank you so much for coming. Oh, it's fun. And helping us be educational. Do you want to plug any upcoming projects that maybe we don't know about or any stuff outside your movie stuff

um what's your like are you doing anything musically still yeah but i like to keep that on the dl you know i like people just that's for you i don't tweet about it i don't whatever but people are there which they always are um they they experience it and they love it they love it it's it's. Actually, it's interesting because you get to be there and really TV film. I always go to my – when my movies are in theaters, I go at least once a week to see it and just feel the audience and what's going on. Sometimes I go door-to-door with a TV show and be like, hey, Mob Doctor's on.

I know you're watching. Can I come in show and be like, hey, Mob Doctor's on. I know you're watching. Can I come in? They're like, oh, my God. Mob Doctor's boyfriend. Yes, to have a meal with you. It's so funny that you say, can I come in? I mean, I want to be polite. I actually say, may I?

What a thrill, yeah. But it's already recorded. I know what's happening. Music, it's happening right there. It's like doing a live play the theater's dead so any of you young actors who want to get into acting, skip the stage it's useless

it's not going to pay you anything you're going to be stuck doing the same thing there's no character development there you're doing the same character, the same story every night if you figure it out how to do it once you can do it eight times a week. Easy. Sorry.

But with music, you can just put on that big mouse head and just, oh, fuck. That's all right. That's all right. We can cut. I'm sorry. We'll edit that out. No, it's fine. But yeah, that's true about stage work.

I always say being on stage is like being inside a zoo. Like they're just there to see the monkeys throw their shit at each other. And it's depressing. It's so depressing. It gets sick. They don't live as long on stage. No, they can't. But being on screen is like, you know, way better than the zoo.

It's forever. It's being in the jungle zoo. It's forever. The Serengeti. Yes, it's being in the jungle and you can live forever. Swinging from vine to vine. And eating whatever good fresh produce is on the trees. Rate us on iTunes. Chat with us on the forums. Like us on Facebook.

Like our Facebook page. Oh, yes. Buy the pro version of our show to get the real extra juice mwn bought the pro version this week uh and his prize is uh zach gilford is gonna pretend that he's like throwing a pass to you so mwn doing it right now MWN Go long Nice Nice Bye Bye

Hollywood Handbook Earwolf This has been an Earwolf Media Production Executive Producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Aukerman For more information visit Earwolf.com Earwolf.com. Earwolfradio.com. Earwolf. The wolf dead.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.