Hollywood Handbook - Zach Reino and Jessica McKenna, Our Halftime Show Friends

Episode Date: June 23, 2020

The Boys welcome back ZACH REINO and JESSICA MCKENNA to help with the Super Bowl halftime show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Doing church. I had wandered into this church. Okay. I thought I had to pee. It actually turned out I did not. Okay. okay i thought i had to pee and actually turned out i did not okay and so talk about that experience a little bit because i think that i have had the same thing and and what is that where your body is actually telling you a fib and then and it's essentially gotcha journalism on behalf of your bladder and other parts.

This is, I think, a specific thing to just a few people. And I think it's what brought you and I together at some point, which is there is no connective nerve fiber between our bladders and our brains. Or like there is it is connected, but it is there are like, though. Yeah, there are like little. connected but it is uh there are like though yeah there are like little um it's like a where where a hose has like a kink in it and like it does not communicate properly or on time and so when we do actually really have to pee we don't know that we don't feel it at all we can talk about that we can talk about that how surprised we can be sometimes by the gush of p we can talk about that and when we feel like we actually really have to we cannot that's not what's going on the message that i'm

getting is this is an emergency get in that church and then so i run in there and there's a guy who's like what are you doing and i am like oh i'm here to i'm doing church today i'm it's my day to do this well yeah you're not going to tell him you're not going to go into the whole thing of like well i had to pee and then it's like well there's the bathroom but by now you know oh he's like okay let me see and like yeah yeah i'll just watch it's like well and so he's like oh great thank goodness you're here you're late and he takes me up to the front part and i just have to do the entire thing i do like an unbelievable job you were. I talk about an angel. I remember the news saying that you won church. Yes.

I said yes. There were a lot of guys there who were like you sir have won church for the day. Have an upvote good sir. So yeah you mentioned the angel. Tell me you didn't bring up Dark Lucifer. I talk about an angel who is actually... I invented this whole kind of interesting, almost like a cable-limited series about an angel and Dark Lucifer.

As roommates. As roommates. In season two, they go to Italy. They eat pasta. And it's so delicious. And they're riding little mopeds and dark lucifer yes taking the air out of the tires of the angel and the angel has to fly all the way back home oh i love this hello hello welcome to hollywood handbook the show and why did i sing hello just podcast why

did i sing when i said hello and i think it's because we have our most musical friends who always make me inspired to do more of my music. And tell us about it. And it's Zach and Jess. And tell us about this burden where you, every time you go on a podcast, people are like, okay, time for you to sing another song. I mean, much like Jesus Christ who died on the cross

for our sins. We all have burdens. Sorry, you said the angel and dark Lucifer. Did I bring him up? Yeah, did he come up? Okay, now that you say it like that. He's famously part of a lot

of sort of church machinery. And I knew that. Isn't there one episode of the cable series where the angel is going like or maybe it's dark lucifer goes like man i never really thought about my dad's experience and then you sort of see yeah jesus like do all this stuff so i did yes i did do that exact story i did i was kind of vaguely i guess misremember i so i thought his name was chris jessup okay not jesus christ chris jessup i remember i can see a sort of like that's tricky there yeah the story yeah chris jessup sounds like a a thirdsize font of Stagecoach act.

You know, like three fonts down. You know, the famous sort of Coachella playlist test of how hip are you. Beyonce's big. Beyonce's not on Stagecoach, though. Luke Combs is big on Stagecoach. That's right. And on Stagecoach, there's fewer acts. And then it's like and then

it's sort of an inverse test of well i don't know do i know any of these names and chris jessup is sort of a third font down and you're like wait actually i think i like chris jessup and he would actually be a bigger font at coachella because he's like friends with justin timberlake and his like songs are kind of folkier and he like lives in like the cool part of Nashville or something yes that's Chris Jessup yes so you brought him up so Chris Jessup came up I talked about Chris Jessup a lot uh as the angel's dad uh yeah and like stuff about um i remembered the pharisees weirdly and like but not exactly like what they did or like who they were totally and isn't that kind of the point pharisees buellers is yeah i said that yeah and like that is funny like and i'm sorry to like reclaim your joke but

i actually did say it at church no that's cool yeah and i remember that that was part of how you won church that day yeah and upvote my good sir for pharisees of bueller and you so you were saying talk about everyone being like okay drag you in here and like time to time to sing time to sing your song again well i think you i think you do know and your listeners know that like it's so vital in this industry to create sort of a niche for yourselves like how do you stand out how do you become more specific and that's been huge for zach heineken and i but then it gets to a point where you're like is this niche now too mean is it did i build my own little fence around me and now this fence is actually really hard to get out and it's pokey at the top because at what point is a fence a cage right yes i think when it's pokey on top and it's

not fun when you've done a top fence and when you're inside and you don't have the opening right if you can't right it's a cage i think if you if you aren't the one who's the opener of it cages don't open from the inside and the top is also fenced if you have a top fence and the cage doesn't open from the inside you know i'm thinking of when a cage is a prison a fence is a cage i think when it goes all the way around the top right right right now here's the weird thing is if you built it slowly and it started as just like hey i kind of want i want a little border i want a little bit right here just to say like i'm i'm doing kind of i'm kind of feeding myself this way and then you build it wall by wall and suddenly you've made a cage you know what i mean Like you started with just sort of like,

oh, I want to train these tomatoes to climb up this trellis. And then the next thing you know, you're in a cage. Sure. So that's kind of, that can be the thing if you are too obsessed with succeeding in a niche. So to answer your question,

it is exhausting, but we love it. That happen to you? You did that? With bricks. Oh, shoot. I cask of Am montiato'd myself oh i had offended myself in a way that i probably couldn't even recall and it's punishment i casco montiato'd myself in with bricks can i just stop the presses right here that this reference made me light up from the inside because you said at one time and i was like i don't even know what that is he's so smart and

then i started to recall it and then you said it again I was like now I feel a part of it and then you said it again and I was a teacher yes I welcome all my students my little podcast students and you can be a listener you can be a guest but at the end of the day you're getting it you're getting a learning you're learning and we're and we have to do that and it's adult education so i will be saying casco montiato at least seven times which is how many times it takes to inform an adult here montresser harrell that's for sean only uh i said that at church too so you okay so the niche thing we actually have dealt with a very similar problem to

this, which is like crafting this niche of not getting invited on other shows. And so that was kind of like our big like podcast identity for a while that would like set us apart from like, obviously you guys are constantly doing like getting invited to stuff and are like in demand. It's like, okay, how do we separate ourselves? Let's have us like not do be unwelcome yes yes exactly but now it has reached a point where it's like it is kind of like okay another week of this the pressure and the expectation is so great for us to not be invited on any other shows that it's like how do you really maintain that distance yeah at some point someone's going to invite you

and you're going to have to just sort of deny that it happened. Just have to do it. And sing. We'll start singing. Oh, yeah. Well, you have sort of upset the balance that we had struck between our two podcasts,

which was you had done ours and we had done yours. And we were both sort of like going on our merry way. And now you have put another sort of stone on your side of the scale and to sort of write the equilibrium of the universe you know that we are going to invite you now to do our podcast again we're gonna have yes and and then yes we're gonna have to we're gonna do a second banana sequel banana king yeah so we need actually to do that because we uh we're using it for content on our show many times i think we made jamila jamil listen to we did a lot of clips played banana king for her on our show and because she's uh dating a music man and we said yeah we said

well how about this music how's this yeah yeah? Yeah. Yeah. What'd she say? She liked it. He couldn't. She said he definitely would not do it. He couldn't do it. Yeah. Did she say wouldn't or couldn't? You know, what I know about James Blake is he couldn't have done...

It's James Blunt. A lot of people get that wrong, but it is James Blunt. What I know about him then is that he's a veteran and he's beautiful yeah he's a veteran that's what i know about him but he could never do banana king i will he's a veteran in the sense that love is a battlefield and he is in there wasting his enemies who are the enemies every day in the battlefield of love oh because like if love is a battlefield i sort of thought of my gut is to say that's between you and the person you love so to wait who are the enemies you said yeah are they are they rivals or are they difference

oh yeah the opposite of love isn't hate it fear. The enemy of love is indifference. That's right. And I feel like that's maybe a tagline on a movie poster. That's huge. And I feel like that's, that's been sort of, um, that was a huge,

like the sort of learning light inside of me just lit up a lot as something that I can take back to sort of my marital relationship about what is the enemy of love. I'm excited for that relationship to become successful as a result of me teaching you. Me too. The movie that that would be the tagline of is must indifference dogs. Because then you would have to explain in the tagline uh-huh you know people know must love dogs and then they see the movie must indifference dogs and then you say in the tagline the enemy of

love is indifference and then okay yes casting pitch jennifer indifference hewitt huge huge now what i was seeing is i was sort of like taking must indifference dogs and sort of putting it with uh putting in a space that i think that we expect a lot of these movies to be in that in this day and age where it's a massive ensemble comedy where um almost everyone in it only had to work two days and uh and we just get that sort of like momentum of as many people in this as possible to sort of show that they could be indifferent to a dog but maybe now they aren't those movie posters were ahead of their time because they were essentially just zoom chats often the poster for the film would just be each of the celebrities who as you said is only there for two days in a big

zoom what is the poster for love actually if not a Zoom screen cap with a red bow? This movie will be, you just put the camera on like a very slow dolly. You put like a lot of sandbags on it. So it's like moving really slow. Yeah. Left to right. And then somebody, Michael Sheen walks in, and he's walking his dog, and he gets the leashes tied up

with Jennifer Indifference Hewitt, and then they have their whole sequence in this really slow dolly, and then one leaves off the left side of the screen, and one keeps going and runs into another person. And we follow them. And then they can just keep walking off set that's great then go home yes they can they're expected to just go straight they never really have to like totally break stride brett has like he set up this whole thing today brett's energy is unacceptable for some reason his because i'm

swiveling the way my zoom is set up is like brett who has not been talking is my big video and everyone else is small you got a hit gallery view friend i know but brett is pinned for some reason and he since he set up this like new sound system today he has been like grooving to everything that we're saying as if it's like cool music it's so annoying okay let me go sorry to hurt you this is worse i'm gonna go back brett kevin's here to talk about being a dweebus for sound a dweebus for sound it's a tough life because um you know i come here on a saturday and i try to impress you guys with like this brand new system and uh you know i haven't seen you for a while and then i just feel like no one can relate to my dweebus

so of all the senses to be obsessed obsessed with like so much more stuff is visual uh-huh or is feely but right but in your experience sniff sniffy i do i am a dweebus for sniffs well that hasn't manifested itself but it's a t-shirt though if i ever saw one if i could get out this one idea and see saw one you hear that at this point you would say like a teacher i ever heard one idea sean has to get out one idea get it out get it out get it out just interesting that in all your vast experience with podcasters, somehow what you decided was, I know what they'll like, to do more shit. The laziest group of people in history essentially managed to turn, at this point, talking to a screen at home.

And by the way, nobody's ever going back. There is like the whole idea of the studio. Bulldoze the studio way nobody's ever going back there is there like the whole idea of the studio bulldoze the studio it's never going back burn it get all your equipment out set it on fire collect the insurance i feel like maybe this is a moment for zach and i to just like come clean and say that uh definitely some of this is our fault. You don't have to do this. No, I don't have to.

Brett, much like, much like a dark Lucifer, we're prepared to be punished for our revolution that we have started. It's not worth it. Brett, I just can't let you fall on this sword by yourself. You know,

our, our podcast where we, that you famously invented Banana King on does require us to sing, and there's latency over the internet, which has made it semi-impossible. So this is a... It's a Dweebus term.

You know, necessity is the mother of invention, and this is the system that Offbook has landed on so that we can still improvise a song. The fact that we were setting it up in your show made me almost 100% sure that we were about to be forced to sing because it is absolutely unnecessary for any show that does not do music.

I also, I also wanted... Wow, so I fell on the sword and then Zach put it in because he said It was totally unnecessary I just didn't understand I was like this is from a book Zach was like I was just making sure That sword is

I was like Let me take out Yeah yeah yeah Zach was like Let me look at this sword Just took out the sword Brett Brett Brett Took out the sword

And handed it to me And I thought Wait no Brett is actually Not bleeding too much We need to plug up The sword shaped wound Back with the sword.

And I'm grooving. And he's grooving. I'm grooving to all of this. I feel also it's important to say, this goes a lot deeper, the story of this. Okay. Because I wanted Kevin... Genesis, the Source Connect, tell us.

Yes. I wanted Kevin to get a good look at the Source Connect thing. The apprentice. Because he works with Scott, and it all goes back to Scott. Because Scott wants a clean recording. He wants to feel like he's in the room with people. I don't know if I'm speaking out of class right now. Is that a term? Yes, it's based on when the you know, when the student goes out in the hallway.

Now, see, I thought it had a more nefarious, a nefarious meaning of, oh, you're speaking, you're speaking outside of your class. You are a poor person trying to talk to us. When you speak of Scott Aukerman, you are speaking. Are you talking about Scott Aukerman, Brett? I'm three or four levels out of class. Truth to power. I'm three or four levels out of class. Truth to power.

He is particular with his sound and he wants it. I'm not sure he'll ever go back to the studio. Yeah. So, you know, the other part of podcasters, which I have to deal with, is that they also complain about Zoom sound. So it's like get used to it once again the other never going back you have to get in my car to do this not happening you saw how difficult I was about just opening a new website for the sound imagine now trying to get me to drive a car to a place

um Brett did you like how for our podcast when normally you would just record the whole thing we would sing it but now because of the delay you have to go and individually line everything up sort of like word by word for the whole thing is that good does that make you feel like your tool set your skill set is being utilized to its highest potential. I'm not sure the highest potential, but it does make me feel needed for one. You're extremely needed. And then I guilt trip you. Let's talk about the logistics.

We got to do another halftime show. We do have to. Yes. We have to get over there pretty soon. Sure. To begin the, you know, we're going to have to like live there pretty soon sure to begin the you know we're gonna have to like live there obviously for a really long time right right

we have to quarantine in the stadium for at least like eight months and then and then we will have the science changes so fast around the length of quarantine yeah and we don't want to be caught with our pants down at all and we do have to

kiss all the football players well yeah just to make sure just so we're sharing the same germ right because like if we're going to be there doing the halftime show and we're using the same locker room to set up then like it's only safe if we have like a baseline like these are our germs these are yours let's get them co-mingled so that there's no surprises on the day of the big game that's what herd immunity is right it's and we all have all the same like we all have all of the things that we all have i i feel like you know we hear new new things all the time but i feel like what i what we're about to hear is just go around in a mask but dip your mask and kiss every stranger is about to be the new order i feel like because we just need we need to spread it now as fast as

possible but then wear a mask but then keep it inside because that is much like a cage it's a cage for your own germs but you have to get in the cage first we need to get the numbers up so high that we can't get to the hospital and then they won't track the numbers and the numbers will go back down this has been difficult difficult for Sean who has built of course as you can see a mask of bricks over his mouth a mask of Monteato

that's right and so he does have to chip it off like every time he needs to give someone a kiss just as he's like passing them by he does have to i have a complaint actually a little way brett if you had let us stay in zoom i could have pretended that i said mask of amontillado before zach but with the lack of lag in the current yeah more precise uh yes sound latency latency meester she's in must indifference dogs for sure oh gotta be oh got to be here's what i'm excited

about for the halftime show is that i feel like we can we can learn from um what the nba is doing and we can just like pick a place that's really fun for us all to be you know so like i feel like perhaps it will be too soon to also be at walt disney world but you know maybe it's like we're all in aspen because it's winter time and we all the mall or what if we're at the mall maybe we're at the mall i miss the mall what if we're at the okay what about this what about this what about this each team gets their own department store wing you know how those are sort of the cornerstones of a mall layout yes we put each team's are you at the entrance or are you at the

sears you at macy's exactly exactly and we're in our department stores we're in our own department stores for you know 14 days and then we come together in the food court for the halftime show the game happens around the biggest fountain whatever the biggest epic okay hold on this is sending my ass yeah go off go off uh i'm about to we're in the damn ass food court in between all the entrances and all the damn ass football players are just rocking out to the halftime show and we're chowing down on some aw core dog nuggets uh yes please so okay okay here and here's something here's something. Here's something. You know how like a big part of halftime shows is we got to do something for the crowd, right?

We got to do something. There's got to be a moment where we zoom out and they all have little LEDs. Super Bowl selfie. And we got to and actually all of those LEDs, they were mini drones. Okay. So instead of that, because we have to scale it back and we can't have any, we can't have that many people, but think of what we can do with sort of like the messaging and a wave effect of everyone having a tray oh and we paint one side of the tray one color and one side another color and they're flipping it and it's words that happen and it's there's words in the trays also you know how they're doing this thing where they're

filling stadiums are filling their stands with like mascots and stuffed animals so that the cameras look like they're full but they're full of ridiculous things. This is cute. This is actually a cute solve that I'm in love with. This is cute. It's good. And it's also, it's marketing because we've got the Build-A-Bear right there and Build-A-Bear has got licenses for, you name it, they got it.

Marvel. Marvel. You want to get Marvel on board? Let's get Marvel on board. We've got tiny Spider-Man. He's there and you can dress him in you can dress him in like a bear cute clothes there's a spider bear with it like a sun hat and she's beautiful and she's there and she loves the sort of sports event and the corn dogs and the trays that spell

words and captain abarica captain abarica the incredible bear bear bear bear man uh other bear man bear man is the one who shoots um bear man shoot bear man is laser man and hawk man yeah and iron man he's all he's he's also batman even though we don't have license for that he is there um that's so cute there's bear widow there's bear eye okay now just off the dome like just thinking of the other licensing just the other properties that build a bear does have access to here's something i know they have the old the old stop motion rudolph uh cbs special we have that so okay so we got the abominable snow bear you can have the abominable you can have cornelius jack bear yeah that's right bear that's right winter soldier bear and that's

and that's a crossover um dr bear dr bear and bear that's thor and bear. Bear nose. So let's, I think we have to sing now. We have to because all these bears, what are they watching? They got to watch the song. What are they watching? And it will probably help that the halftime show to explain to people kind of what has been going on and why, you know, the fact that there is a Super Bowl at the mall, I think will require a lot of explaining. It's mostly exposition.

The song is about what are the sort of rules of the game at the mall. Where we are, what's going on. Hang on. Let's wait until Brett picks up his instrument off the ground. You just keep it on the floor what super bowl are we at now oh my gosh who knows this year's been so long and we'll say it's super bowl no super bowl uh liv and it's it's in honor of live tyler this year super bowl this is super bowl tyler super bowl this year is so long it No. No. Jess, no.

This year, I'm sorry. It's only June. I feel like this year's been like two years. I'm sorry. 2020, more like 20 years. 20 years I've been in this 2020. Brett's not ready. Oh, was that?

Yeah, no. 2019 was a dumpster fire Huh Remember when we were like Well at least 2016 is over What fools we were It never did It never ended

It was so long So nuts Can you remember When the year ends And I'll say it. Boo 2020. Boo. 2020.

2020. Not good. Not good. Not good. Classically not good. Hard pass. Yeah. 2021, please.

But Zach, we have no idea if it'll be better. It can't be worse. Am I supposed to just interrupt? Yes, just say when you're done. Ooh, yeah. Sweet licks. Okay. Okay.

Uh. Uh. Well, a mean old virus came a-stomping through town. But we ain't gonna let it keep us down We're playing football anyway At the big mall every day People aren't supposed to come together and meet But you gotta watch a bunch of people kick with their feet

We're playing football anyway. We're at the football here today. Yeah, that's right. We're in a mall and now it's soccer. Brought to you by Build-A-Bear. That's right. We're in a mall and now it's soccer. I was talking about the kickoff, but sure. I've been living at the mall for 14 months. My wing of the mall does not have any beds. I sleep in Hanush Jewelers on 500 diamonds. It feels bad. Am I dressed nice? You better believe it

Cause one Mr. Joseph Abood made my suits You know I Wait, what is his name? Joseph A. Bank What's the suit store? Joseph Abood is okay too Both of those are suits Both of those are suits

Both of those are suits Two suit stores are wearing double suits. And you better believe that it's time to shoot the football through the basket. It's soccer and basketball at once. Okay, the rules are a little different this year. Wear a suit and there's nothing to fear. Suit is the regulation uniform. There's a bunch of different ways that in football you can score.

Way one, shoot it through the basket. Way two, kick it into the net. Way three, into the fountain. Way four, score a home run. But you can't go home. You have to stay in the mall. You have to stay here with us all. And who is all?

It's just a bunch of bears. Because about the virus, we still care. Which bear? Spider bear I went into Things remembered I learned to use The engraving machine

I tried to engrave A bed onto a plaque And sleep on that I am looking for a store With something soft Will please someone Trade me a store That something soft will please someone trade me a store that sells pillows

or even suits it's rude to wear two suits when your friend only has hard objects to sleep on should have thought of that when we were picking areas of the mall

now I'm at Babbage's computer store. And I'm airbrushing the fuck out of all the laptops. I put a fucking dolphin and it's kissing a turtle. It's against nature, but I don't mind. And it's football time, but football has changed. Football time, but the game is insane. Football time, but the game is insane. Football time, but football has changed. Because it's basketball, baseball, soccer, and anything but football.

Everything but football. Football time, but the game has changed. Football time, but football has changed. The game is insane. I wish I could trade you stores, But I'm also in a shitty store I'm in the Sunglasses Hut It should be called Sunglasses Hut Because they have more than one

They got so many It's not just one sunglass Or it could be sunglass huts, but we're got to pluralize something. And also, if it's just sunglass hut, now I'm imagining a hut made out of sunglass. That's exactly what I thought, Jess. Thank you.

That's a cage. That's a cage, please. And that's a cage. The sunglass of a Montiano. Hollywood Handbook. Be a better you in 2024 with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Don't pay hundreds of dollars for private tutors

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Factor is less expensive than takeout Every meal is dietitian approved to be nutritious and delicious Head to factormeals.com Slash theboys50 And use code theboys50 To get 50% off that's code the boys 50 at factor meals dot com slash the boys 50 to get 50 off hey guys rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and

helps lower your bills you can see all your subscriptions in one place and if i see something i don't want i can cancel it with a tap i never have to get on the phone with customer service the subscriptions are insidious they're the scourge of our modern life and you never realize what you're subscribing to or that you're still being charged i know that i was about 19 dresses into receiving each one of the 27 dresses from the movie 27 dresses before i found out how much it was costing yes that they intended to send me by the way you'll this will shock you 54 dresses if i did not cancel and i you know i think oh that one's got an end point by like dress 14 15 i think it starts to become clear like these aren't the dresses oh no they were not from the movie they didn't resemble anything from the movie they were

not they were either way too big or way too small for a human to wear yeah and one of them was a dressing yeah one of them was it was it was a vinaigrette it was a raspberry vinaigrette it was a french raspberry vinaigrette dressing oh they'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20 all you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest they have over 5 million users and have helped save its members an average of 720 a year with over 500 million dollars in canceled subscriptions and that was i mean just to be fully transparent that 500 million was most of that was the the dresses well yeah i mean you're talking about hollywood memorabilia you're talking about like

ornate gowns you know in some cases and so that was uh yeah that was costing me a lot a lot a lot stop wasting money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash the boys that's rocket money.com slash the boys rocket money.com slash the boys That's rocketmoney.com slash the boys, rocketmoney.com slash the boys. Hollywood Handbook. Okay. That would have been nice.

Yeah. Well, this was song one. Obviously, every halftime show has four songs. Yeah, sort of movement. And isn't that interesting how we're sort of rebooting a classical form of like long songs that feed into other songs when we do the super bowl in a way that we don't in most albums that's a surprise there has to be like a surprise person who shows up you remember when gaga served from falling out of the sky oh god i couldn't even see the wires she was flying in do you know she

does nothing but evolve and that's why i just love her you know like it's just like some people she's like the anti-niche you know what i mean speaking as a monster as a as an actual legitimate monster as a little monster yeah as one of the little monsters as an a real monster i have to stand i thought i'm the first to but i thought she was just a meat dress but now i'm pleased to meet the different dresses she wears all the time because she is always changing and evolving i am officially a monster in law. And the bravery to talk about love, but not just any kind of love,

love that is actually very stupid. It's something that nobody has ever been able to do before. And I'm pleased to meet the song Stupid Love. Hello. And I'd be really excited to meet the song Stupid Indifference, the credit song for Must Indifference Dogs. I wonder what the song is going to be about. It's a long intro, yeah.

Well, we're loving it. We're just loving it. What is this feeling? I have no sense. It isn't love or hate. It's indifference. It's a feeling that's not a feeling at all. It's when I want to have a feeling, but I answer no call. It's like I'm a dog, but I'm not a dog.

I don't exist, what is this? It's indifference. Sitting in my house, looking at my phone. Not feeling anything strongly at all. I spend most of my life in a state of indifference. It's not so bad, I just eat food and go to sleep. Now I'm at the mall doing the Super Bowl and I don't feel very strongly about it at all Crazy when you think about songs To me they're all way too long

They talk about love, hate, anger, fear and mistrust All these things that I simply must tell you I don't get I'm indifferent I don't feel a thing I don't believe in anything I'm bored and I fall asleep and I kind of like snacks but I wouldn't say like I'd say I eat them and I just don't care. It's time to talk about football at the mall without any passion at all. Okay. I watch the football game with my friends, except they're not really my friends. They're humans. I know a bit. And when we watch the football, we don't cheer. We make a medium sound with our mouths. As if to say, you kicked the football in the kickoff.

And when you catch the ball, I think that you caught the ball. But that is all I think that you caught the ball, but that is all I think. Look, look who's coming out of the sky. It's actor Sean Bean. Sean Bean? Sean Bean? Please call me Ned Stark. When my head got chopped off, I didn't care.

Oh, oh, oh, and when he died as Boromir, he didn't care. And when all of his children saw him get his head chopped off in Game of Thrones, they thought we could set in motion A series of vengeance events Or we could not Or we could not Or we could be indifferent What is football

But an indifferent game of thrones whoa this is like about stakes you know really true it kind of zooms out that actually really really true because i'd never looked at football for what it truly was an indifferent game of thrones yeah and it's fun because it's like a dip it's it's it's different but it's an Because I'd never looked at football for what it truly was, an indifferent Game of Thrones. And it's fun because it's different, but it's an indifferent. And I think that's important. So I've noticed Zach Heineken hasn't been rapping at all,

which I think just based on our last year's Super Bowl, or maybe it was two years ago. I don't remember. Could have been three. 2020 is so long. 2020 has gone on forever. So long. Jessica, could you say your thing that you said about 2020 again? It's so long. Thanks.

Honestly, the period from like 1994 until now has been taking forever. It's been so long. And I'd throw 1993 in there. That was... That took so long, too. You would. Feels like my whole life. The thing about rap

is that it doesn't traditionally come over a solo guitar. Not to say that it couldn't. It just doesn't traditionally. No, I know, I know. But I'm just saying, Zach Heineken, there's certain expectations when you hear he's doing the Super Bowl halftime. that it not to say that it couldn't it just doesn't traditionally no i know i know but i'm just saying zach heineken there's oh here we go when you hear he's doing a super bowl halftime show okay so let's say that those were the first two songs in the super bowl halftime show

right we've had uh sean beam has come down from the ceiling he's still here he's still here and then the sort of yeah super bowl selfie i guess something we should talk about and maybe we haven't talked about like we haven't done the we haven't gotten all the fun and funny commercials okay we didn't talk about the fun and funny commercials so maybe that's maybe that's part of it right because we're not going to get to have the commercials um well i guess because we don't we can't stop we have to have the commercials. Well, I guess because we don't, we can't stop. We have to film the whole thing because of COVID as quickly as possible.

So we have to do the commercials as part of the show, I think. I feel like that tracks. Yeah, that makes sense. And the funny commercials also will probably be addressing COVID and the difficult time that our country and economy are in. Almost certainly. And also the new flavors of Doritos, you get $100 if you're in that.

And you know what? They're going to nail it totally. Because I think sometimes we go like, this is worrisome. I don't trust a brand. Hard to walk a line. How is Doritos going to sort of make me feel like they do have my back in this era of COVID-19? You know, like we're all in this together. Let's get together on a new flavor.

I'm like confident. I'm confident that they can do it. I don't think i mean it's a tricky wire but i think it can be done yeah absolutely okay then well we should i guess tell people what the different commercials are in the song yeah what happened to that where's the beat go brett Where did the beat go, Brett? Where did the beat go? You don't like this beat? Well, the whole sort of point was that we were setting up a rap song. Can you rap over that? What are you doing over there?

I do love it. Let's start there, and you drop the beat whenever you're ready, okay? Yeah. Let's start with your little guitar, because that's Jess's vibe. She's got you there. I have a beat i think ready yeah yeah play it whenever you want but clearly your truth is to start with the tiny guitar so like do that hey so this is the this is where the commercial starts right listen i think we're all

on the same page this has been a lot but you know who's always been there to help you? Brands. And those brands, well, they're ready to talk to you right now. Brands of homeware, brands of home goods, brands of snacks that you should buy with drinks that Are beers and mountain dews for you What would one of those beers be? Well, I think it's plain to see What's the beer that makes you Feel like you're in

It's a beautiful German Heineken Actually it's Dutch It's fun to make mistakes And then say oopsie What's up America It's your boy Zach Heineken Thank you for that flow of transition

From tiny guitar to beat Pump that up a little bit, Brett I can't hear it very well Here we go I got something to save the day I wanna talk to you about the folks at Frito-Lay Okay, you know they got your back We're here for you and COVID and delicious snacks.

We got Doritos and they're flavored blasted. How long has this pandemic lasted? It's gonna be fine. We're gonna be okay. From all of your friends at Frito-Lay, we got Sun Chips. We got your back. Cheetos, we're here for you. Lays, we're like family.

Ruffles, we're basically your mom. Rolls Gold, yep, same company. Smart Food, same big company. Stacy's Pita Chips, same big company. And all of us are here to give a great big hug to thee. Yeah. Heineken, put it in your mouth, let the flavors begin. Bubbles, Doritos too, all of this flavor's right for you.

Mmm. And it tastes so good. But also, it feels so good to feel like you got family here. Just another family beer. Yo, let me get that mic for a second. Here you go. Let me kiss it for you to make sure you get herd immunity. Mwah.

Mmm. Thanks. Well, it's your boy Sean Bean, and I'm here to say I always thought that these commercials were not cool. But now I know that they are. Now I know that I was a fool. Yeah, I saw a commercial for a religion that I used to make fun of. But now I'm a Scientologist, and yeah, I got to be in love.

I'm in love with Xenu. I'm in love with Xenu. I'm in love with my alien god. I'm sick of these deacons. Man, I feel like a slob. I used to think it was dumb to take these stress tests. But now I am so goddamn stressed that, man, I have a mess test. I test the mess underneath my bed when I throw up after I'm dead. That's right, I got my head chopped off.

And then I went to take a drink from a trough where the pigs used to eat. I'm a simple farm boy. I won't do harm, boy. I'm Sean Bean. Scientologist. Take a stress test. Take a hashtag blast test. Commercial actually makes sense for now.

Hi, it's me. I'm still Sean Bean. When it comes to rap, I'm the queen. I played Alex Reilly in GoldenEye, a movie that came out in 1995. I betrayed my friend James Bond, but that's because I hadn't eaten Snickers. And I wasn't feeling like myself. I named myself after Bush's baked beans. Just like Zach had to get my last name as a brand. I should have named my last name Bush but instead i accidentally named it bean and that was too late to change my name should be pronounced sean bond or either that or seen bean it's all

the same but pronounced two different ways i'm sorry james bond yo hey up? Yo, it's me. Still on the mic. It's still Sean Bean. Yo, some special things for you. You know, we're always receptive here at Mountain Dew. Yeah, you know, your boy Sean Bean. Special flavors just for quarantine. We got Mountain Dew sourdough starter. It's hard, but it only gets harder.

How about a DIY kit? We put that in a flavor, it's the shit. Code red? No way. This is... What day? It's Flavor What Day, that joke we all love. That joke we can't get enough. Oh yeah, it's Flavor Blur. We got you, we got you girl.

What other flavors can Mountain Dew? Well, submit, submit, a contest for you. Write your favorite quarantine Mountain Dew flavors down and send them in to me, Sean Bean, your best friend. Send them to my home address, SeanBean at PixYourMountainDewFlavors.com. Sean Bean. Okay, really, there we go. Hi, I'm Sean Bean. And those were the commercials, all from your best friend, Sean Bean.

I'm Sean Bean as well. Commercials, all from your best friend, Sean Bean. I'm Sean Bean as well. Sean Bean, and I would like to talk to you about some of my favorite Budweiser Clydesdale horses. Well, this one's Kyle. Kyle is a very good horse. He is strong, he is fast, he does what he's told. He is Kyle. He'll ride you home.

He is American. And he makes you feel proud to be American. Here at Anheuser-Busch, we like this horse with a cute tush. This is our favorite horse with the best horse butt. And the cutest tail. And they never fail to pull our beer carriage along these two horses are brothers they're best friends with one another Clyde and Dale isn't that funny ha ha ha one named Clyde the other named Dale together they are

Clyde and Dale it's kind of like Clydesdale. These are my beer horses. Hello, my name is Sean Bean. I'm the queen of rhymes. A fact about me is I've been married five times. I was the star of the movie Black Beauty. Black Beauty was sort of a cutie, but Black Beauty

sucked compared to these horses. This one named Ms. Richard after the star of Silicon Valley, my favorite show. I am so sad it got canceled. It started to go downhill when they fired TJ Miller. I will die on this hill. Oh, my God. Anyway. Wow, that.

We got to talk about Sean Bean Being the special guest because That is not a good opinion to have He was the most famous person That we could get to Come to the mall Sean Bean queen of rhymes Sean Bean the queen of rhymes was the most famous musician we could get to come to the mall

And we were all really excited but we had a very Long talk with him before We started recording anything where we said, hey, look, you can mention Silicon Valley. You can say it was your favorite show. You can even say that you were sad that it got canceled. But do not express the opinion in any of these songs

that the show went downhill when they fired TJ Miller. I feel like we explicitly also asked for him to say hey just and especially don't say i'm gonna die on this hill and then and then nothing you know nothing more because now we're left with the sort of like there's no nuance to that opinion we're gonna assume the worst people can't see but he just kind of stood there with his arms out as if he was preparing to be crucified yeah it, it was bad. It was not cool. No, it was not good. And it was...

I asked him not to start a rap at a speed that was too fast for him to actually rap at during his first rap. You begged him. And then keep tripling back. And sort of abruptly changing the style of the song. But I will say that one thing that he did do that I found useful was he would sort of abruptly changing the style of the song yeah but i will i will say that was one

thing that he did do that i found useful was like he would sort of remind us at uh at various intervals that it was sean bean and that he was still singing the song that was really associated with his opinions it helped it really helped it track and I liked that. I liked that. He also acquired various titles over the course of it. Yeah. He had Queen of Rhymes. There were others. Man, they all went by so fast. What day is it?

Am I right? What day is it? 2020. More like 20 years. Mountain Dew flavored after the joke. What day is it? That's a good idea. What do is it? That's a good idea. You guys think we'll... What do you think?

What will football look like in the after? After we can return to... Once we've done it at the mall, but now we're back at the stadium. Sorry, I just want to highlight Brett. You don't have to. Sound expert. Always experimenting with new sounds

like turning his desk chair he found a good one so it thuds the mic so he's like is this music like is this he's always grooving he has like a Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium but for sounds

For different sounds I haven't seen that movie is that what that's about No it's actually about the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnass That's what you're thinking of is the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnass Not Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium Both good titles But only one is a great movie

Kevin titles, but only one is a great movie. Kevin, what's up? Hey, freaks. Sack of jazz. Don't worry. That's not to you. That's my new thing. What do you say to us specifically? Good morning, friends. All right. Oh, thanks. It's 1241, but okay. We'll edit that out. Wow, great job, everyone. This shit rocks. Thanks. Do we need to do any sort of closer credit song? We'd like to thank them all.

Like a list of thank yous? Yeah, for a football. Yeah, we have to do the end of the Super Bowl closing thank you song. Credit's wrong. Yeah. For a football. Yeah. We have to do the end of the Super Bowl, like closing credits. Wrong. Yeah. Okay. Well, we see all the names of the players scrolled on the screen. Brett, can you play a sort of a thank you riff?

There we go. We'd like to thank all of you for watching the football. We'd like to thank everyone who played football. Every bear who turned a tray on cue. We'd like to thank the country that invented football. Real football. American football. Which has now changed to be more like European football.

Which is now a sort of amalgamation of many sports. Many sports. Much like this beautiful country. We'd like to thank all of our sponsors. many sports. Much like this beautiful country. We'd like to thank all of our sponsors. Thank you if you gave us money. Thank you if you're at a store at

this mall. Thank you if you are the bear who is Thor. Thank you most of all. I would like to thank Dan Marino when it comes to rapping

I am the queen-o yes that's right it's me Sean Bino and I wanna talk about a show on HBO John get out! I will

die on this hill. How about a big fat thank you? A big honking stinking ass thank you to the noble referees who did the rules, who did the rules

Even though the rules kept changing All throughout the game Thank you all the same We love you, referees And we want to give you a hug and kiss and we'd like to thank the screen repair kiosk

for supplying the referees for taking time off from fixing your shattered iPod nano screen and thank you commentators who did great commentating from the Cinebond. They helped us remember the changing rules and we're indifferent to who could applaud. And we'd like to thank the Genius Bar at the Apple Store for making all of our chyrons.

We asked them if they wanted to participate. They said, we'll make all of the chyrons. I'll tell you what aren't commentators. The potatoes they sell at the potato kiosk. I've lived off them for 18 months. They provide every nutrient as long as that nutrient is starved. And now please stay tuned for a brand new sitcom airing next. for a brand new sitcom airing next.

It's about the dark Lucifer and his angel friends. You're gonna wanna set it on your DVR. We know you're gonna fall in love with these new stars. Oh, what a funny show. What a funny show. What a ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Funny, funny, funny show After that, the news Please don't take a snooze

Stay up and watch the news And they'll tell you All about the game you saw And whether the sitcom was funny. It was. And they'll tell you. And they'll take an educated guess at the weather for tomorrow. But don't be mad if it's wrong.

It's really hard to guess. What a funny show we have done today What a funny show What a funny Ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha This show

We really are We've got a funny show Wee wee Wee hee hee hee hee Wee hee hee hee hee Bye Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Hollywood Handbook. Ero.