Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Avoiding Christmas A Catastrophe - Fighting, Soiling & Moving Home

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

If you're feeling the Christmas frazzle or worried about what's coming from your kids this month, you're in the right place. Tina and I have some great questions and a little bit of a look back at our own childhoods in this one.Question 1- The expectation that our children need to be best friends is sometimes too much a burden of responsibility for them to bare. Most siblings argue from time to time. Most siblings long for time to themselves and fairness within the home. What do you do if one sibling has contempt for the other. If it has gotten out of hand and all you can see is now full-on sibling bullying. Is there any way back? Question 2- Moving country is such a huge task. Moving your family is even bigger. How do you ensure a smooth transition. It won’t be plain sailing but there are definitely techniques that will help it be less heartbreaking for the little ones you are having to uproot and resow. Question 3- Skid marks are always a sign of something else. Ranging from lazy wiping to chronic constipation. How do you puzzle out what is causing the soiling if your little one seems unaware as to why it’s happening? We would love to wish you all a very merry Christmas. Thank you for supporting our podcast. Emails will remain open over the Christmas holidays. If you need help, Tina be here. [e-mail] Episode 8 will drop in January. Visit www.jigser.com/gigs to come see Jarlath live on tour. There are worse gifts to be found than comedy tickets.

What do you do when your kids are battering the heads off each other? Maybe not physically, but the rows are never ending. That's our first question today on Honey, You're Ruining Our Kids. You're very welcome to the podcast. Tina, how are you doing? I'm okay. I think both of us are a little bit frazzled. Frazzled today. December is particularly stressful. I mean, there's lots of fun moments, but I think most people's heads are melted. Yeah, well, this is the worst bit I think because this is among the worst bits because it's like, got to get it done before everything stops. And then you realize that when everything stops, everything begins. All the honey rooting our kids,

speciality topics of your kids going off the rails, your all the behaviours that you thought they'd sorted out during the year, family conflict or relations waiting in over the top, telling you how to parent your kids, that all begins. I feel like everything is amplified at the moment. Everything is just that tiny bit, the knob is turned up and people are really clinging on, you know, and- Just in general terms.

Yeah, I do. And I think kids are stressed out worrying about Santa. Like every child in your life- Me too. Is stressed out like you sent me the cutest video this morning of kids in Dublin being interviewed in 1986. Oh my God. And there was one gorgeous child who had blonde curly hair and it was all over him.

He was worried. He was so worried. He's clearly not been a good kid. I was like, oh God, like the man was being so nice. He was just saying, what do you like about Christmas? What are you looking forward to? Yes, this one child. And he has the look of a little rascal tassel.

Absolutely trouble. And in only the way an 80s kid could, you know, because he was definitely getting in trouble back then. There was no mindful parenting. And my heart just broke from because it was all over his face. It was like, oh God, Santa probably won't come to me. I don't know if I have anything to look forward to this Christmas. It just got me in.

What did he say again? What was it he said? He took ages. He took ages. He looked at his parents. He looked at your man. He looked at his parents again and then he said again. He looked at his parents again. And then he said, again. Yeah, I think he said some chocolate as well. God, yeah. But like those of them were like a Cindy horse and cart. One kid just asked for snow.

I was like, Jesus, kids were sweeter than then. But it, I don't know. Children are stressed out, parents are stressed out. People are trying to spread their money, make it go places. It's not going to go. They're stretching themselves. And I feel like it's a really tough, tough time of year. And just second microscope as well, though.

You know, like everything, like you say, everything is dialed up. It's just this big lens that gets put on everything because your kid's, your kid isn't perfect and your kid is gonna be running around and acting up because there's more sugar in them to start with and they're not, they haven't got responsibilities. There's no homework and there's no structure to the day.

But anything that is a minor issue is going to become obvious to your highly observant family, friends, visitors. And you feel so judged. Well, I don't know why people do, but they do. Everyone takes Christmas as an opportunity to to kind of check in. Oh, not so perfect. Yeah, yeah. perfect. Yeah. Trouble in paradise. Yeah. Really tough. And then, you know, I was saying to you this week that I've never been prouder of our podcast because I was saying to Jarlette that we had something we needed help with.

And luckily, you know, we can afford to go privately. But even then, the service is not there. And it's not there for like a year's time. That does no help for anyone. And then yesterday I was out with some of my old school friends, sorry. And one of them is a speech therapist. Yeah. And she was explaining to me what the waiting lists are like, and how angry parents are getting, and how it's so out of her control. But she said parents are so angry now that they're like, she's getting bullied. Oh, wow. Yeah. Like she's actually getting people

turning up angry at the office, right? Like screaming at her. And she's like those signs are in places. Yeah. You've got to be respectful to the staff. Yeah. And she's like, but like, it's not in my control. She's like, she's working all the hours she can. Your issue is with the institution. There is a massive problem in Ireland right now. Where are the services?

So I just said to Jarla, you know, I'm really proud of this podcast because I do not take it for granted that when you get in touch with me, you really are reaching out to be heard and someone to help you. And I'm really glad that I can do that for you guys, because when I couldn't find the person I needed. It was so heartbreaking. Yeah, it was like, what the fuck? I need a bit of help here. Yeah. Where is the help?

And it's important for people to know as well. Yeah, Tina needs help. And everybody needs help. Everybody needs help. Even the people doing the parenting podcast. Well sometimes. Who have all the qualifications. They're going to need help. Yeah, well there's things that you just need to. I even found that with the Deborah charity we did.

I did a charity luncheon for the Deborah charity that you will probably know about. Colin Farrell ran the Dublin Marathon for them. He raised a million euros, a million euro. Shout out to my good friend Colin Farrell, of course, ex or previous guest on the Irish Manor Broadcast. You know, he's done amazing work, brought all this awareness to this charity, but it's like governments think, we'll do our bit and then we let the charities do theirs.

And it's like, they know there's a shortfall and they go, and then obviously the charities will pick up the slack. And it's like, you just think that people should be out campaigning for money that you're not investing, even though there's a surplus, it really was upsetting to feel like the government is on board with this charity and all these people working for free. Busting their bollocks. Hearing that mother's journey of her child is one of the lucky ones who has managed.

Liz Collins. Shout out to Liz Collins. Her daughter has managed to survive to, she'll hopefully make her 21st birthday in January. And her story of the lack of help when the baby was born and the lack of knowledge and the lack of care, God, it broke my heart. And she's responsible now for there being a nurse that goes to your house if you have this kind of condition. Honestly, listening to some of those stories makes you go, Jesus, I would really do to have kids batter in the heads off themselves this Christmas.

And with that in mind, let's get to our first question. first question. I have two kids who are 16 months apart and they do nothing but fight. I was 11 months apart with my brother and we were best friends. So we were. That's like you and your sister. My son is 14 and he fights and fights and fights and he has started name calling. Calls his sister fatty, moron, idiot. Jesus.

Oh my God. He's not holding back. I mean, there are worse words, but that's pretty rough. Oh, Fatty's awful. I'm at what's at my wits end. Such, my wits end so much that I can't even get the words down into the email with what to do.

Every time I calmly try to ask him to calm down and stop name calling, he says, I don't care. I just don't care. If I tell him to go to his room and calm down, he's always the victim. I'm always in trouble, what else is new? That's what he says. He used to always be the most chill kid. Another person mourning the loss of their baby boy, which is very tough, very tough,

because this is obviously just a window of time. He was the most helpful lad, most polite and now his behaviour. Oh, I've tried and tried, but I do not know what to do. I'm looking for therapy that for therapy that accepts my insurance. But aside from trying that, can you guys help? Please. Suggestions, please. And this person is in the UK. So unlike here, there's actual services available to our kids.

Yeah, even on the NHS. Even on the NHS. Like, honestly, the NHS is amazing. People in Ireland don't know what the... Absolutely insane. Do you know in England, you don't pay for your kids' braces? Like, they go to the dentist for free until they're 18. That is like that.

There's a lot of Irish listeners to this show who are now Googling that. Although I'm not sure. I'm not sure braces are covered. No, what they will give you is if they can justify that you kid definitely needs them, not just for aesthetic reasons. You will get the metal ones. Yeah. But if you want to get the see-through ones.

They also do it earlier over there. They do it. But like even myself, I needed a bit of, I needed to talk to somebody at one point. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. See you Tuesday. Me too.

During the pandemic, I rang the doctor and I was like, I'm really, really stressed out. Next week, I've got somebody ringing me once a week doing CPT with me. This country isn't broken. This country is so wealthy. I mean, we have watched my mother have private care that is fucking bollocks, as far as I'm concerned. And I'm sorry, first-cursing. No, no, no, it's true. It's true. And the NHS. Paying a fortune.

Paying a fortune to be treated like shite. But like we could go on about that all day. Yeah. But this woman's situation is pressing because it doesn't sound like, oh, my my kid is not showing up at school. It doesn't matter. They won't do their homework. This is like this is the home life. Right. So I'm really interested to hear, Tina,

is like, this is the home life, right? So I'm really interested to hear, Tina, what your take is on this, because it does seem like he is the aggressor. Yeah. The mom is feeling like he is irrational. Would that be anything testosterone based? Yes, but I always think, is he though? Oh, you think she's a little niggler? Is the other child just not getting caught?

I mean, what's he reacting to? I mean, is it just emotional outbursts for no reason? But she hasn't presented that in the question. No, because sometimes... But it is worth considering if you feel like one kid is the whole time getting angry. Well, yeah, watch. Watch for the other child. Yeah. Like only recently I had a similar person get in touch.

You didn't want it on the podcast. Sorry. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I was very much like, well, keep an eye on the other sibling for a week. Just observe how they're behaving and come back to me. And they couldn't believe that they hadn't noticed the niggle, niggle, niggle, niggle, niggle. Now, I could be completely wrong on this, but like he is name calling. He is angry. He feels like there's no justice in the home.

Maybe just look and see what's going on. Like, what's he reacting to? I don't think it's behavior is OK. How would you know? Do you just recommend the last episode we had around this? Yeah, it was just perching yourself somewhere quietly. Yeah, like in in the classroom, we're all trained to take, you know, it's supposed to be a day, but that's not viable in the world.

So you take an hour, half an hour and you sit and you just watch. You're just watching. You're just observing and you try and observe without judgment. And you just see you just it's unbelievable what you will unlock through edit observation. Because you will see the personalities, see the, you know, just notice things that have been going under your radar and like this boy seems very angry now.

It could be done nothing to do with the sister at all. It could be something else entirely. And we both know there's a massive problem with boys just hating girls at the moment. Like misogyny is a huge problem. Schools are addressing it. They're using their SPHE classes to try and address. It's been a problem. Yeah, but there's a real pushback.

There's an actual pushback now in teenage boys. Yeah. In like, you know, girls aren't equals. Yeah. And that they're they're clogging up, they're taking up more time than us. And yeah, and we're actually the minority that's being diminished. Yeah, it's bananas. It makes no sense. But they're actually like, can you just stop complaining? Like, why do we need to know about what it's like to be a girl? You know, there's a real pushback. So it could be a little bit of that. But I do think maybe just have a little eye there. What's he reacting to? Why does he think the world is so unfair?

So then I would imagine, and I'm preemptive what I think you're gonna say next is and this would be this is why this is such a great opening question for this episode of the show this far out from Christmas. A sit down, family chat around acceptable language and how we express ourselves in the home is obviously needed. Obviously needed, Jarl, a really good point. But I think she does need to observe first, because if she does that sit down with them before she's had a look at the behaviour, she could just upset him more. He might just feel more... Yeah, this is all directed at me. I didn't do anything.

Whereas she can like really win him back if it's a case that the sister is niggling by being like, I have observed that there are things happening in this house that are upsetting your brother. Like he wants to feel heard. Yeah. I wish I knew what the arguments were over. I wish we had that in the scene. It sounds like they're just anything like they're not getting on.

They're not friends. You can't force that either. And parents make that mistake a lot of the time. Sometimes you've given birth to people who don't get on and they're not going to get on. And it's not your fault. Is that true though, Tina? Like you say that you give birth to people that don't get on. I think sometimes that's just negating your responsibility as a parent in how to create your community.

But I mean, like their personalities don't match. They clash. And I just think we're going to meet people whose personalities don't match ours all the time in life and you're not going to get on with them. And it's OK because you're not related to them. Sure. OK, I take the point. But I do think that there are homes where this is going to reverberate through time and they're going to be siblings that are just at each other's throats from day one to when they're in their 50s.

Yeah. And I get my opinion there sounds a bit harsh, but sometimes I just think children are forced to hang out and get on together. Why can't you be friends? But what if they're not, they don't enjoy each other's company? Why can't they just be siblings who do know to look out for each other, who do know to love each other, but like they don't have to present as friends? Yeah, but that's the side of it, though, that maybe we don't talk about enough where it's like, well, regardless of whether you disagree with your brother on Man City and Liverpool

or who's the best at what or when is enough time to have played the PlayStation. Yeah. And you're trying to teach diplomacy. Yeah. And I think that's a healthier way. Like it is magic when you see siblings who get on and who are friends. But that's not pretty rare. Yeah, that's not every household. And I think the expectation that your your children should be best friends is too much.

That's too much in them. Let them be siblings. Let them be people who have each other's back, who love each other, but don't feel like they have to spend every waking moment with that person. What do you do if he's saying fatty idiot more? What do you what do you recommend she does there? Like you said, she does need to sit down with him and explain that, you know, you cannot. Yeah. And you're affecting your sister.

Like you're implanting these thoughts and making her feel a certain way. And it's not acceptable language anywhere. Like, would you be proud to say this outside of the home? And if you want to convince me that you're the one being wronged, you immediately lose the argument when you use those words. He needs obviously needs help expressing his feelings. The testosterone thing I brought up straight away, though, is something that a listener to this show said to me years ago that got in touch on Instagram and talked

to me about this new influx of testosterone into the male body around this age and how, you know, varying levels of it, it hasn't actually leveled off that the young lad is finding himself angry for absolutely no reason. Yeah. And can't even tell you why he's angry. But there's a, this is what, you know, This is what, you know, roid rage, steroids. Team has got a sniffle here. But, you know, that is worth bearing in mind because imagine somebody gave you a dose of testosterone this morning.

And, you know, there's women listening to this with perimenopause who know exactly what I'm talking about here. And the levels of these chemicals are all over the shop. You can't really be held accountable for the shit that comes out of your mouth. So the book that I always recommend on this that we've listened to and time and time again, it has great answers in it

and I'd recommend this, Mom Gets This, is How to Talk to Teenagers So They Will Listen and How to Listen to Teen so they will listen and how to listen to teenagers so they will talk. It's a bit of a mouthful of a title, but it does have some really concrete advice in terms of not responding when they do this stuff and being able to sit down with them and get it out of them what's wrong.

I think sometimes what's hard with boys when you're raising them is sometimes the mom, I'm talking about myself, might be going through perimenopause and the boy could be experiencing different levels of testosterone. And both of those things are happening at the same time. And I think sometimes that's why I'm grateful when you very much took that book to heart. You practice it and it works. I've seen it. I'm not there yet.

Yeah. It's a tricky time, that's for sure. We want to hear if you've been in been in the same spot that this parent has described, did you have a life hack that got you through it? Because pooling the information on a non judgmental podcast like this is the key. If we can share it and come back to this next week and be like, well, here's here's what we do. Someone actually recommended that you need a punch bag. You actually need, you know, a hanging punch bag where he can let it out.

I mean, if they're involved in a team sport, that's amazing, but if they're not, get the punch bag going. They need somewhere to vent. What's wrong with it? Yeah. What is wrong with it? Yeah, they need somewhere where they feel like

they can vent. It's like, just not on top of your sister. Yeah. It's a, otherwise it's gonna be a long Christmas. Absolutely compulsory toy show chat now has to be done. Has to be done. Has to be done. Has to be done.

If you haven't watched the toy show, it's available absolutely everywhere in the world. The RTLate late toy show, an institution in our country, the mantle taken by and handed to Patrick Healty, who has elevated this thing to a new level, in my opinion, and brought it back to being about the kids, just like this podcast, just about the kids. Oh, it's magic to watch. Last night, I cried so much, but it was real. It was so emotional because it was just so beautiful the whole time. You were a mess when a kid started singing.

But like this thing has been going 50 years next year, right? Next year is the 50th anniversary of the toy show and we grew up with it. And what was wonderful for us was when Gabriel used to do it, it was like the one night he wasn't cranky. He always seemed so cranky. Such a cranky man, rest in peace. Yeah, rest in peace, yeah. He definitely listened to the kids doing reviews of the toys.

I think that was all I was watching it for. Yeah. And I feel like Patrick gets that the most. That, look, we went into a toy shop, Clannagh Kilty, this weekend, and it was the same kind of vibe, right? Yeah. The old age of being in a toy shop, Klan O'Kilty, this weekend. And it was the same kind of vibe, right? Yeah. The old age of being in a toy shop, wall to wall toys, with the people there knew about toys.

Absolutely, the recommendations we got were unbelievable. What's it called? Go Lucky or Get Lucky or something. Something like that, it's in Klan O'Kilty, but it's a rare find, it's like the one in Westport. Yeah, you explain and I'll find the name. Yeah, it's a proper old toy shop. Really good.

And they really care about kids and they want you to make sure they get the best present for the child. But the toy show this year blew my mind. I'm not going to name names. Happy Go Lucky. Happy Go Lucky. We used to find the toy show very hard to watch. There was a period of time when we lived in England,

we always made it a very special evening with our kid. And our child used to get really upset when the person who was hosting it then used to smash the Lego. Toys. And throw the toys. Throw the toys once he was finished with them. And like the manic.

Hammer it off the ground. The manic energy. Yeah, I said to Tatina, it was like that person who was hosting it then was like the uncle who comes in, winds up your kids and then gets in the car and drives off. Absolutely. And I know some people loved it, but I didn't. And I just thought it was incredible to watch it last night and just see the kids being the stars of the show and the grown grown-up knew, just loud, just facilitate it. Just gently facilitate.

There was no pushing kids in front of the camera. He was just, he's just good with kids. You can tell he's a dad, you know? And you know what, you know the other thing, and I know this sounds small, but it didn't feel like it was a huge ask for Patrick. And you know what else? It's three hours long, that show, right? It flew by. It flew by.

And the talent of those children. It's on the Ortega International Player if you don't live in Ireland. Do yourself a favour and watch it, because oh my God. And they raised a shit tonne of money. One of the things, yes, over four million raised. It's not just about hocking toys. I think it's probably doubled that now. Yeah, it's flying and you can of course

Google toy show appeal to find out where to donate and how to donate because it supports a variety of charities. But one of the things they used to do on the show was, and as returning immigrants ourselves, we understand this side of it and the sense that nobody gives a shit that you're away. There's ads on the telly right now that are really upsetting me because I'm like, people in Ireland don't give a shit that you're away.

You come home, like you pay thousands. Anyone you know flying home this Christmas is paying thousands. We used to have to pay thousands just to fly from Luton. They're coming home to see their family. And the minute you get there, people start saying, when are you going back? There's an expectation for you to bring presents for everyone. And you have one suitcase. I mean, it's bananas. Yeah, I have no idea how we managed it, but I do know that it was the reason we were broke.

Yeah, January was definitely a dozen reasons. Forget January. We were just broke all the time. And these people that are away miss home, whatever part of the world you're from, they miss home. They miss home. There's an ache in their heart. I don't know what it is about Ireland, but it was an ache in my heart for 10 years in England. I'm home here. And to be fair, I'm pretty grateful to be home. There's an ache in their heart. I don't know what it is about Ireland, but there was an ache in my heart for 10 years in England. I'm home here. And to be fair, I'm pretty grateful to be home. But yeah, at Christmas I'm like, you better appreciate that person who's traveling home. Well, this next question comes from somebody who is traveling home.

We emigrated about 15 years ago and our plan is to move back this summer. I've listened to the podcast for years, loved Charlotte's interviews and even listened to Irishman Inside Basketball. Now that is a deep cut right there. One of my favorite series of spin-off just about basketball, you can find it on SoundCloud now or on patreon.com forward slash Irishman abroad. Thank you for shouting at that podcast. Moving back this summer, my number one concern is for our eight-year-old son and how he will adjust to moving home. Any tips as to how you would prepare the soil or help him for

this massive change and leaving his friends behind? Well that's really tough. That's a tough age because that means he's not actually finishing school wherever he is. He's leaving halfway age because that means he's not actually finishing school wherever he is. He's leaving halfway through and he's gonna have to start halfway through, which will eventually be a great thing because he won't just be the new kid. But very, very, very tough. I guess it's also a good age because play dates are still a thing at age eight, whereas if he's a little bit older, it's very hard to invite kids around and stuff. I guess you just have to talk as much as you can about all the changes.

Make sure they have a visualization of what it's gonna look like in their mind. Make sure they know that things can change. Well, that's the one question I wanted to ask you and this if I could jump in there, that things could change and that level of uncertainty, I would have thought would be a hard thing to introduce because I'm sure they are thinking moving home

and if this doesn't work out, we'll move back. Yeah. But you don't wanna say that to the kid, do you? I don't know if you should maybe introduce that in because that could make them not settle at all and kind of hanker for... We've met that kid. Yeah. We have.

Who's still pining for the place they lived. But I mean in terms of like, even... It is no harm saying to your child that even with everything you've told him about what's gonna happen next, that it could be different and that we all have to be together and talk to each other about the experiences, how they happen and if they feel different to how you imagined they were gonna be. One positive of them being A's is that their memory of the place you're in right now will fade quite quickly. Yes.

This could be the memory they have of home. Think about your earliest memories, probably seven. You know, seven is the time I can kind of pinpoint visually in my mind to technical or things that were happening. But again, it's loose. I know that's not much that's not really the answer to the question here, but it is worth bearing in mind that you're going to create the core memories now. But you're also in charge of the dialogue. So if you talk about moving home in positive terms all the time, your child will only think it's a positive thing because they follow your lead.

But if your dialogue is negative or worrisome, they will take that on too. So as much as you can, keep it super positive. Be saying things like, I can't believe we're going to move home to Ireland. It's going to be so exciting. Ireland is such a fun place to live. You know, this is where our house is going to be. I would maybe recommend joining the GAA club. We did not do that. And because of that, we do not know anyone in our community.

But at the same time, if your kid doesn't want to play Gaelic football, don't make him. Yeah, I think we should have pushed. Like where we live, you if you're not part of the Gaelic football club, you're like just on the outside, no one talks to you. They're great here. But I talk about that in the new stand up special year man that I released the other weekend, that a sense of AIB argue advertising it as you're nothing.

Yeah. If you don't play Gaelic football. What I say creating the core memories. I mean, you are great at this, Tina. And you would point out that establishing items and things that like use the chart and the board and that schedule of how it's going to happen and the creation of things in the new place. So assuming they have they know where they're living and knowing that you're going to get to construct your own room here. Yes. And you're going to really want to make it like your dream bedroom. And you need to find things in the area you go to that become your routine. Like this is

the restaurant we go to. This is what we do on this night. Make it homely. It's so tough. But it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do as a family is move to another country. And moving home is tough. Be ready as the parents. Somebody told us it takes three years and they were right. We are in our second year, nearly there, nearly finishing, nearly feeling like we're back home, like we're not strangers again. And kind of, it's kind of got back into our friends minds that we're around. Yeah.

It takes your friends a long time to remember that you're home, too. There is a book on this and a guest I had on the podcast who specializes in helping people get home. It's called A New Dawn in Ireland and the author is James Parnell. Now this is a great book that you can get anywhere or from his website A New Dawn in Ireland dot com. We're just going to encourage people to just move to Ireland now. But what James does, he's kind of a consultant for people attempting to move back who need help with the finances, the setting up of social security and insurance,

healthcare, all of the stuff that you're gonna need. He kind of has a checklist for you. And then when it comes to kids, he obviously has great advice on that too. So specific to this country. But in the emotional turmoil of it for your kid is inevitable, isn't it? Yeah, and I think, you know, it might not be this way if he's only eight but like if it is, it is important to make space in your ear to go back to where that kid grew up.

If you can at all. I mean, I don't think he'd have a phone yet. So like you say, it might not, they might have just got it before. It feels heartbreaking to move. We're very lucky technology has made it that Mikey's still in touch with all his buds. And I mean, we had a tight group there they were an incredible class of children who were all friends like that's unusual. But Tina to say we made a balls. Oh we made such a balls. Of taking him out of the country. We put him on a

plane the day he finished school. Yeah. And we had no idea how upset they were going to be on the final day. Oh my God. And if we had just held them there for three days, they could get it out of their system. But literally the house hadn't been packed up. We thought that that would be traumatic for him to have to pack up his house. But in fact, that would have been cathartic.

I think it would have. To pack it all away. Yeah, being involved. And then take it on the van. Instead, we did what some people do in terms of funerals, which is don't let them see the burial. Sometimes that's good for them, too. And he was sobbing on the plane.

Look, not one parent in that class expected the tears that happened. Oh, it was an avalanche. We knew those kids were close. Like we knew. It's unusual for a group of 30 children to get on as well as they did. The parents all got on. They were in mourning. Oh my God.

They cried and they cried and they cried. And like we were all just looking at each other like. What is happening? It went on so long. Oh no. Sorry. Something just fell over. Everything's OK. It went on and long. Oh no. Sorry, something just fell there. Something fell over, everything's okay. It went on and then it stopped, okay?

It did stop, but definitely. But in our genius, we flew to Ireland that night and Mikey was so sad. And then one of our neighbors, he's a lovely person, but she was flying to Ireland too. And I had said, well, come in the car with us. Josh shaking his head, but I am fine saying this. That was a mistake.

I should have said, don't come in the car. You really got to watch that day. Because he drove out of that town to the airport and felt like he couldn't express. And I felt really bad about that. But, you know, it all worked out eventually. Well, as much as that sounds like a dismissal, it does. And it will if you stay positive and, you know, a transition of any kind for your kid is led by you. Yes, you're leading it.

So if they you to really watch your language, how you talk about the old place, how you speak about the new thing. Yeah, you're really, really good. What you can never drop it. No, you can never go. I miss New York as well. Yeah, no, no, no. Because then they're like, oh, so do I.

They may not have been missing it in that moment. Yeah. But that's that's a general one, isn't it? That's that's one. You're right, though. You positive language, positive energy. This next question is a big old question. There's no doubt about it.

We got a lot of background. This email are really, really get stuck in here to give us the background as to perhaps the trail of breadcrumbs to why this might be happening. We are talking about kids soiling themselves after probably been through that period. So if you wanna hear the full answer and question, head over to patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. And if you're already there,

thank you so much for supporting our podcast and the creation of it. We're going to be creating a couple of collections over there that you're going to love collections of episodes around the topics that we discuss on the show and big interviews, as always, with the greatest Irish people ever to have lived. I'm still continuing the Marion McKeown podcast by demand. I'm not doing it because I'm doing it because the people demanded. Oh, God. And we're keeping going there. So there's a lot to enjoy.

That's the point over on Patreon, but this is a long old question. Let's get straight into it. I can enjoy. I have two kids. Wait now. That's not the question. Here it is. That's the last question. Teenager absolutely love the show. The dynamic between the two of you is brilliant. That's the last question. Teenagers absolutely love the show.

The dynamic between the two of you is brilliant. That's just an on air charade. It's refreshing to have such a non-judgmental parenting podcast. That is the aim. I have taken on so much of your advice up to now. I have a situation, though, that I would love to get some feedback on. If you don't mind, my five year old daughter, youngest of two kids, who has been daytime toilet trained

for approximately two years, has recently started to soil herself on an almost 50 percent of the days now to stop it there, Tina, you see this a lot, right? Regression. We've had regression on the show before. Yeah. So if you go, if you listen to this, five years old, is it? Yeah. So something's right. So something's happening. She does not wet herself. This is the interesting side note on this.

It's not wet, it's only soiling. It's less than a full poop, but more than a skid mark from not wiping properly. So here comes the background, right? We'll give you a brief background. It has been going on for approximately six weeks, taking her to the GP who recommended Dufalax in case it's constipation.

Dufalax has not changed anything. When I asked her about why it's happening, she says she doesn't feel it when it's coming and is not aware of it when it happens Many of the days it has happened. We have noticed it when we got home after collecting her from school She's mentioned that some of the older boys laughed at her one day when she was heading for the toilet They sit near the toilets to do homework and she didn't like that. However, I'm not convinced this is a main root cause. There has been a lot of change in the house recently. Since September, she has started junior inference

and I've gone back to work after two year career break and both kids have started in a new afterschool. She has always been very close to me, not clingy or needy but definitely a mammy's girl. I'm not sure if all the changes and seeing a lot less of me has had an impact and perhaps caused a regression or some anxiety of some sort. She's usually very easy going. She has been exhausted most evenings and I think we can all agree most kids are right they're just wrecked but I'm told that that's the norm for

junior infants and can take a while to settle. She has in the last week or so come into my bed at 5.30 in the morning. I've let her stay for cuddles and sleep in case she's missing me and is craving mammy time due to all the changes. I'm not sure it's a good thing to do for the moment. I'm not saying that, that's in the email. She had no issue going to sleep in her own bed at bedtime and has done for years. She's probably been eating more since September as she has now got a hot meal at school, a small portion, hot meal in after school. I love that parents think that their kids eat those meals. I love that.

They're like, they're getting the hot meal at school. They're not eating it. I've been there. Really? Children don't eat those meals. I know it's amazing that they have it now. Are you sure? Am I sure? I am 100% sure they're not being eaten, unless they're lucky enough to have a catering company that keeps all the food separate. Kids do not eat those meals because it's just plopped. Here's a very important note. She is still using a nappy at nighttime.

Five, okay. We have not pushed to get rid of it and hoped she might progress on this on her own. We're not concerned about it, just adding it in for a little bit of additional info. Please, if you have any insight, that would be amazing or any advice or how to help. I'm just terrified that if it continues for much longer, kids at school, after school could find out and be really mean to her and set her back. Thanks a million. If you need any further info, let me know.

Well, there's so much in that. First of all, my heart goes out to that mom. Mom guilt is real. And she's an incredible mother because she's thinking about it from every angle. But oh my God, mom guilt is tough. I'm dealing with it myself at the moment where I'm away a lot more than I used to be.

And you just feel terrible when you're when you're when you had managed to be there for every moment. When you're not, you just feel like, oh, God, I'm the worst mother ever. It's horrible. And there's so many things that have changed in this little girl's life. And the timing of her poops has changed. Whereas normally she might not even have thought about when she goes to toilet with other poo, but now her poops need to come when she's not at home. And that's very different for kids. That is very different for children. I think that, I don't know if this is gonna be

a massively huge problem for them, I hope not, because her body will regulate for that pooped to come at a different time. But at the moment, I think that that little girl is probably trying to keep it for when she gets home. Sounds like it. And a little, she needs to go so bad. That's where we have to leave the free episode of Honey You're Rooting Our Kid for this week.

If you want to hear the rest of this answer, and trust me, you do need to hear the rest of this answer, come over to patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. We also have a juicy extra Patreon section where there's an awful lot of fun talking about the magic of Christmas and maintaining the magic of Christmas, if you know what I mean.