Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Back To School Special - Episode 1 - Season 4

Episode Date: September 8, 2025

We are back with a bang. It's good to be back with a new season of Ireland's number 1 zero judgement parenting podcast. We hope everyone had a good summer and  managed to both enjoy and survive their kids. As always you can get in touch with us anytime. Simply email [e-mail]. Question 1- How do we cope with outside voices commenting on our parenting? When a relative doesn’t respect your approach and interferes to the point of it being detrimental to your child, what can you do? Is there any way of getting them to understand and respect your method of parenting or do you need to arm the child with the tools to know which voice they need to pay attention to? Question 2- You wake up one day and your four year old no longer seems to be the child they were. Suddenly she is throwing tantrums, being oppositional. Nothing is easy any more and you feel completely wiped. Is there a way back? How can you stop and restart? Is there something else causing these new behaviours or is this just a phase that will pass?Question 3- Moving schools for whatever reason always takes its toll. How do you manage the fall out? How do you guide your child through it and help them feel settled? How do you manage your own emotions during this impactful change on your little person's life? What is the right and wrong way to navigate this?Thank you for listening in to another episode of Honey! You Are Ruining Our Kid. We will be back in 2 weeks with another episode. In the meantime, email your questions into [e-mail]. Visit www.jigser.com/gigs for tour dates and to pre-order Jarlath's book.

Season 4, Episode 1, Honey You're Rooning Our Kid, is back with me, Jarleth Regan and... Me, Tina Regan. We took a long break. We took a long break, but if you're joining us for the first time, this is the Honey You Rooney Our Kid Parenting Podcast, where everything is in play. Doesn't matter what you are experiencing with your little darling. Tina, my wife, the behavioural expert and brains of the operation here, will have seen what you're going through and worse. So you email in anonymously your situations and she comes up with a strategy which will work for you. And if that strategy doesn't work, she'll find another one.

And the male bag is bulging, Tina, across the summer. And we nearly didn't come back this time because a lot of the podcasts have been put on pause. And to be honest, I was getting a little bit overwhelmed. trying to keep up with everything and all the questions. And then over the summer, we kept bumping into people going, when's the podcast back? And I'd be like, really? Do you?

Yeah. Do you know that was flabbering past it when people like the podcast? And it kept happening. And in an electric picnic, it was like a lot of people. And I was like, okay, maybe we should give us another. Well, I always think the people that listen to this show are connected to it in a way that other people aren't to other podcasts. because in a lot of situations, and I read the males that Tina won't read out to you guys

because she gets too embarrassed, she's taken people from situations where they really had lost hope. They really thought that there isn't a chance that we're going to get through this behavior. I guess I'm just going to have a child that sleeps in the bed with us. Yeah. Or won't eat anything but sausages and chips. And you've found a way, even this past week we had someone on who will obviously remain anonymous who Tina took the time. to figure out a bedtime situation that really was extreme behavior.

And at the other side of it, they're now got some normality back. But that was a lot easier because I knew that person already had all the tools. They were just tired. They were an educator themselves. Yeah. And they were so tired. And it is very hard to think clearly when you're that tired. And I was really grateful and I felt really lucky that she trusted me enough to reach

out and go, okay, I am struggling a bit here. What can I do? And in her case, it was just reminding her. And she was so able to do it. And also empathizing with her about your entire, you just had another baby. Well, that's the thing I always find with your advice, Tina, it is about empowering people to trust themselves to do these things. Because look, we're flying blind. As they say, it's a cliche to say, your IKEA bookshelf comes with a guidebook. This parenting larg doesn't. You're given a car seat and told on your bike, it is, it is a mad one. And, you know, the guidance isn't there. Like, people are unsupported. And that's why we're so delighted that this podcast is back. And you now have some free support of some sort from somebody with decades of experience.

I have a lot of emails to catch up. I apologize so much. We had a, we took the summer of podcasting, but we've never had a busy summer workwise. It's been wild. It's been out the doors. But in terms of what you just said about the IKEA handbook. It's so true. I remember, because I'm an educator, and I think this happens to a lot of people who work with children, people just assume you know what you're doing. And I just remember feeling so frightened. First of all, knowing I couldn't really ask for help because the expectation was, but sure, you know, you've been working with kids forever. And then the second going, I don't really know what I'm doing and I don't want to fuck this up because everyone thinks I know what I'm doing. So it's really nice to be able to be there for someone

else. This episode has no sponsor on it, but if you'd like to sponsor the podcast, it's very easy. Honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com. We'll figure out something with you. Whoever you are, whatever your product is, we'll give it a shout out, maybe a recommendation. And the rates are reasonable. But this podcast at the moment is sponsor free. So hopefully ad free wherever you're listening to it.

We are available on all the platforms. Just recommend it to a friend. We don't have an advertising budget. So just ping it along to somebody. This week we're going to be covering some big, big topics, big commonalities, such as changing school. Are you moving your kid from another school to another school? It's a minefield.

Grandparents interfering. I mean, you've lived through a summer where you possibly could not escape your relatives and they're over-the-fence advice for you and your child. Well, we've got the exception to that case with the grandparent who sends in an email who loves the show and the temper tant. We are back in the Tempererville. My favourite. Should be a whole section of the show.

Kids losing the rag. Kids got a massive temper on them. How do you deal with it? How do you talk them down off the edge? And how do you move forward so that when they feel the temper coming, they know how to equip themselves and have the resources not to respond to that impulse to set the world on fire? This is obviously, Tina, one of the toughest weeks. We didn't do a back to school. thing this year for a good reason.

Yeah, we had ideals to do that. Well, this was the other thing. We've covered that three years now. And if you want to go back and you're still having that back to school kind of issue, the last three seasons we've gone in deep on preparing your kid for going back and kind of settle them into the idea of how it's going to run and building a visual time table for how the year will look. But this week, tell people why do you think this reality dawning week of an hour to

weeks into the school. You're so tough. It's not just hard in the kids. This is the hardest week you ever have ever had as a teacher. Because all the kids have had, all the youngest kids have gone to school, had their weekend. And now they're like, what? I have to go back there. You meant a parent who won't have explained. Yes. The expectation is now you are at school. Also, they're tired. They are so tired. They're increasing fatigue. They're more tired than they've ever been. They're not getting to eat as much as they would like. because food is no longer just available freely in the classroom. And they're picking up bugs.

There's so many new germs. September is just germ city. Most teachers will fall asleep the minute they sit down when they get home in September. Because it is taxing in the classroom. It is so exhausting. And their kids can pick up behaviors. Oh my God, that is the funniest thing. I can't believe I've even forgot to say it.

It is so funny to watch. Like, I was an earlier year's teacher for a long time. It is so funny to watch another child, watch a child having a tantrum in the classroom. And they're, like, they're taking notes. Like, they're always like, well, I don't know you could do that. And that kid has a sense not to copy that child in the classroom, but they can't wait to try it out at home.

Give this a go. And you'll get a lot of parents coming in going, they've started to bite. And you're like, oh, yeah, no, I saw them observe that the other day. Yeah, they were impressed. And you've given it a go. Try that. this out. It's some newer, new moves in the record for it. And that kind of falls to the teacher

to remind the kids, you know, even if you see it, don't do it. If you know it's wrong, don't go home and do us in your house, you know. Who are you talking to? The children. Oh, right. Do you think you can say that to them? Yeah, of course you can. If you see some mad shit in school. Yeah. If you don't say to them, they don't know. You need to tell. They need to be told. There's so many things they don't No. And also, as a parent, I always say this. Tell them not to tell your whole life in circle. What was? Yeah, indeed. The whole life story being shared in circle is something that parents need to bear in mind. These kids are going in and skill them the beans. They're telling us everything. We know everything about you. Like what? Like mom and dad were sharing on each other before we left

the house, got dad didn't know, that kind of thing. Absolutely. Or what they've done to you that morning. I made my mommy very upset because she wanted me to wear this dress and I knew she did and I didn't want it so why you cry they're telling you exactly the motive everything how they felt about it now mommy is very upset

and I wearing the dress I wanted to wear I completely know what they're up to it's hilarious but yeah maybe explain to them that some stuff is private and the teacher doesn't need to know otherwise he or she is going to know everything Tina, we've got so much to get to.

We do. It's so weird to be back. Let's get straight to question number one and get stuck in to season four of honey. You're ruining our kid. I have written a book and it is coming out on October 23rd. Charlotte's written a parenting book. It's called the gobshite guide book. And it might be very helpful to you if you're concerned that either your kid is becoming a gobshite or your husband or partner or wife is a good.

Kovshite. This is the book that you need. Look, the kopshots are run in the world, so we need help in avoiding them, coping with them and hopefully not raising them. Because as we all know, it's, gafshites are created. They are. Parents are raising them. Greenlighting their terrible behavior. Yeah. It's mainly the mothers. It's mainly the mommies. Yeah. How is he

to know that he needed comprehensive insurance? Isn't no, that no one ever told? says your man who nearly fucked up our insurance the other day but anyway I'm still not aware classic I'm sure

I'm still not aware of this croak nearly wrecking everyone's lives it's available to pre-order now from wherever you get your books including Amazon if you're abroad but Aesons

it would be the place I'd recommend go and get it pre-order and getting it delivered and it's really good and I'm not to say now because I love you and you're my husband and it's really good

that's really funny I can't thank you you so much because I, I adore this book. I am so proud of it. And it's so nice because you wrote two books before and you were not proud of your second book because you didn't. I was rushed into it. I was told I have to do it. Yeah. And this one is so much fun to write. And there's so much in it that you're really going to laugh at. If you feel like you're alone in dealing with the gobshites, you won't feel that way after you read the gobshite guide book. But like, I think that people are right of certain people as, you know, knowing nothing or maybe being a gobshite.

And grandparents can be those people when it comes to parenting. And we're going to get straight into this question about the interfering grandparent or relative. Because this email that we've received is very much. The exception. The exception, but also the exception that proves that the rule isn't hard and fast. Yeah, true. Sure, I know. If you've had people leaning over you going, you're doing it wrong. Not how it's to be done. It, like, it can be absolutely head melting. You might have had a summer of it. Were you, when you got this email, could you believe it? Well, as I read it, I was like, the relief that washed over me. It was amazing. But, like, it's just so refreshing to read that from the perspective of a grandparent who realizes that if they come in, with a foreign voice.

And I mean, you know, just a different attitude towards that the parents have... Not the nuts and they're like this. Yeah, I know. I'm so nervous straight away. I was like, oh, God, I've said the wrong thing. If the foreigners are making parenting advice now. Really damaging. And I can take...

An outside voice. An outside voice can do so much damage. And really can... What it damages most is to respect your child has parental voice. Yeah. Because they are seeing in real time, don't have to listen to you. You're not the law. You're not the law.

Well, there's another version of that. Yeah. So not okay to do it. So this is what they write. Hi there, Tina and Jarth. Love the podcast. Thank you very much. Such great parenting advice, how I wish I had you to listen to in the trenches back in the day.

Whilst my children are grown up and have flown the nest, well, all but the last one, who is 22. And having seen just about every topic you've covered firsthand, and survived and thrived in 30 plus years of parenting. I can assess to the fact that despite every up and down and upset, seemingly impossible situation, they all have become truly wonderful, kind, gentle and loving adults. So a ray of hope there to start this thing off. And I surround myself with them wherever I can. And we love to spend time together, chatting, game nights, etc.

Proof positive that it all comes good in the end. And definitely. What a lovely email? It really is. Is even a grandparent? I feel like maybe I read this wrong. 30 plus years. Maybe.

Let's keep on. Just one little defense. And it's of us as grandparents. Oh, okay. Yeah. I really hope I never judge or undermine my kids' parenting skills and try to provide a listening ear, a temporary relief, and sometimes even some helpful advice. Sadly, my grandchildren live in Australia. So I do reserve the right to spoil them for a couple of weeks of you.

I see them and pack in memories for me and for them. I'm not their mom, but I am a mom. And lots of knowledge and patience. And as a grandparent, we get to write the wrongs we did with our own children and treasure the magic of these little people second time around whilst learning to navigate the world of grown-up children. and I've done a few reels about this. It's patently obvious.

I think this lady's a fan of this. Yeah, a couple of reels about. Who are these people that are their grandparents? Of course that they can ride their bikes in the house. The wheels are clean. We understand the point of keeping on the same page, respecting their routines, as I'm sure most grandparents do. No, don't.

Beautiful notes. But the relationship is very important. indeed a necessary one for the kids and for their off and frazzled parents. Something to be treasured. And I would have hoped we were, we were where you are. It really does take a village. Anonymous. And isn't it like, it's a heartening email, but it also throws up exactly the challenges.

She's so aware of the problem. And maybe she's not telling us the full story. which is maybe she made those mistakes. But also in the same way that we say that we're all trying to do a new type of parenting, we have to be willing to acknowledge that there could be a whole generation of grandparents now who are trying to do a whole different type of grandparenting. Yeah, like, I mean, being conscious of it at all is amazing because that's where the conflict comes up, isn't it?

Yeah. When you can't get true to them that you're trying something different and you just need them to be on board. you know? Well, especially if you're living with them. And there's a lot of people. We're in a housing crisis. There's a lot of people who are living with their grandparents or relatives.

And there is no escape. There is no avoiding it. And like you say, the undermining of the law or the constitution of your family is constant. And I sometimes think the grandparents who get too involved are forgetting that you're missing out on the friendship you could have with the kid. They don't need another parent. They've got two. step back and enjoy the companionship of the kids. But equally, I think plenty of these grandparents

are just trying to be the pal. Yeah. They're like, well, I was the hardline dictator back in the day. And now I'm going to be their friend. Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with that if they're not getting involved in parenting. Oh, you're terribly hard on. Yeah, that's where it's tough.

Those children are only young ones. Do you know the worst on me that I have? I have a good friend who lives in England. And the worst thing is, her mother listens to this pot. And she says, and her mom has told me, it's very funny, that the interference she gets in her parenting is, well, what would Tina say? Oh, what would Tina do? And like this woman, very annoying.

I felt awful. But this woman is truly one of the kindest people I've ever met. And her mother is lovely too. But I felt so bad. But at least you was able to laugh about it. And they were laughing about it together. But I was like, oh my God. But I'd say, Tim, let me put this to you because obviously this is a really positive email.

Yes. This isn't really a question contained in it. But I had a few questions off the back of it. And for starters, when you're being undermined, when a parent is, listen to this going, yeah, this is all very well and good, but when it's happening, what should you do? Is there a way of going, preparing the child on the way in to visit the grandparents that I'm the boss? Don't mind what they say. Now, if you have a problem, this is, this is why it's so hard. Because that kid knows feckin well, you are screwed the minute they go into

that house. Yeah. That kid's looking at you going, yeah, you're the boss. They're going to the Cayman Islands where tax law doesn't apply. Oh, really? You're the boss? Yeah. I mean, Granny says, man. Granny seems to be able to tell you what to do. It's really hard.

Yeah. And we're not equipped yet to be able to talk these things out really. Like, we're not that Americanized yet. And you end up having rouse with your own parents about, can you please respect my parents? And worse, you end up not going over it. Hmm. Here's the next one I had on this, and that is we're in a time where there's much better understanding of what's happening with these kids and what challenges they're meeting.

Neurodiversity, et cetera. I hate to et cetera that, but, you know, there is a range of behavioral stuff. It's the reason this podcast exists that these grandparents might think is a load of hooey or codswall. It's not just grandparents you hear saying those things. People are giving out the main offender, Donald Trump, but, you know, so many people have a diagnosis now and so many, like, what's happening? What's wrong? It's not a negative. It's so positive.

We're finally understanding that every child is so individual and every child's brain is different and we can't expect every child to be able to learn the same way and that having a diagnosis isn't a stigma. It's a way of understanding. banning your child. I mean, all these diagnoses were there, but these kids were ignored or you know, they were just labeled as a troublesome, awkward child who couldn't fit in. They shouldn't have to fit in. We teachers should be able to accommodate every single child in their class. And

I know I'm always banging on about Montessori, but that is when the Montessori approach is just fabulous. And we are so lucky because while they are just stealing and picking things, from Montessori ethos all the time. Fine. Good. This is why she never patented it because she wanted people to adopt her approach. And the more you see an understanding

of the individual child, the more you understand that they're taking more from the principles of Montessori of how to follow the child, follow their interests, follow their way of learning. So is that the answer then when a grandparent or relative is like, look, that kid's just a brat.

It's just a little balks. You need to be harder on him. Some kids are a little bollocks. There is such a thing as the diagnosis is bollick. Or doffshay. It's bad news, I'm afraid. We've assessed him and seems he's a cheeky fucker. Yeah, I mean, look, I see that sometimes.

I see people I know, the kids. You're terrible because you love the cheeky fuck. I love them. I adore them. I love them, but because I understand that there's something not, something's not quite sitting well within them. There's more going on. They just need you to see that and help and true it. But like, a lot of these kids who have behaviors and don't get a diagnosis, I mean, honestly, like, that sometimes can come down to the parenting.

And I know that's a terrible thing to say, but I have seen weak parenting make kids exhibit. terrible behaviours but mom is completely trying to find a diagnosis there's nothing there you have to step up as a mom that kid has no rules no boundaries

they don't know what you expect of them of course they're out of control step out of clarity get a routine going you know it doesn't have to be a strict hassle but they need to know where they stand so it's like the telephone right because it's really tough

because obviously there are more diagnoses but some kids just need to roof which do you think there's more of little bollockses or relatives that don't get, that the diagnosis is real and the understanding is different. Definitely the latter.

You know, it is a wonderful world we're living in that kids are being understood more. And it is great that teachers are being expected to catch up with that. But, I mean, how do we educate these grown-ups? I don't know. Is it a matter of scent on them some TikToks, leaving them some books? I don't know.

This fixed mindset that seems to be in a lot of people. Like Mel Robbins says, you're not going to change anyone. No. They've got to want to change. They've got to come to it. They have to go on to it. Well, thank you for the email. Really great to hear from our grandparent.

Yeah. And sorry for nothing back to you over this summer because I am way behind. You're not. I am. Tina. Look, keep the emails coming. Honey or in your kid at e-mail.com. Let's get to question number two.

So we worked remotely away this summer. We moved ourselves to Kerry for a lot of the summer. And Jarla was writing a show and we were working from most of an ideal place. This sounds so luxurious. Oh, well, it wasn't luxurious. We moved ourselves. We decamped to the west of our home. It wasn't luxurious.

Like, it's a gorgeous, cozy cottage. But like, it was just to be by the sea. Yeah. I mean, the view. I'm really. The writing got done. When like, we had all kinds of. the weather and carry. I mean, they really get the whole shabang

down there. But one of the days Mikey and Jarlett would go for a swim every day and I go sometime. In case I'm listening. Sometimes I go swimming. And what'd you call? I, there was one day when the waves were so

big and the two lads were being, you were being ridiculous out there. They got in trouble and everything. They got told coming by the lifeguard. Come back in. The waves are so big and you guys just love diving. between sure of them. With, um, there was this gorgeous, I was standing on the beach taking pictures and there was this gorgeous little boy, maybe two and sister three with their father and they were collecting shelves and their bucket and it was so sweet. And um, there was a big drag of the sea and the kid gave his dad his bucket, right? And that was it. That was all it was. That's all I saw

anyway. But then all of a sudden this wave came in. It came in the whole beach, the whole beach. And everything was like sandals, all the shabang were drawn out with it. And the little guy, two-year-old, turned to his dad and said, I gave you a one job. I told it to mine my bookish. It was the dad that it was like. Was the dad laughing? No.

The dad was like, I suppose, that was unexpected. I was laughing. I was like, kids are the best. And was it a tantrum or was it just absolutely so unreliable? I knew I shouldn't have trusted you with that job. amazing it was incredible he's that size and he's already like dad's like god don't rely on you to look after a single book one job I gave it a one job what's amazing is that's probably been said to him but has to have question number three today is about those reactions right well this is question two yeah

I've lost all track of time lengths um hi Tina and jar the first thing I'm going to say I love the podcast and I've picked up lots of tips, but I've also just enjoyed the feeling of solidarity in the sometimes very stressful role to parents. Thank you so much for that. I have a four-year-old girl, turns five in December, seven-year-old boy. For the past few months, basically since Christmas, I would say, I've found our little girl to be really struggling with her emotions. So, yes, so she's a four-year-old, right, just to get some context for everybody. I hate to say it, but A lot of the days feel so difficult with her. I feel a bit like I'm walking on eggshells.

I'm wondering how she will be in each situation. I mean, there's plenty of people feeling that. Will she eat breakfast? Will she get dressed? Will she go to preschool without having a meltdown? Okay. That's only the first hours of the day. I feel so defeated by the time I drop her to preschool.

And I worry about how she will be for the rest of the day. I'm not sure what's happening. because she really was the happiest, easy-going little girl before last, before Christmas last year. This email says, I feel so sad to see this change in her and that I must not be meeting her needs. Oh, I would love people. You always blame yourself, don't you? For her to be the once happy little girl she was. Here is what's worth noting.

She changed preschool in September because the other one closed down. We also had a tragic loss of her uncle over a year ago. So I had been wondering if these things had affected her. I'm sure she's picking up on our grief. But I had hoped we were keeping our home a happy place for her. I'm also wondering if there is some neurodiversity for her. She does seem to hand flap a fair bit when excited, is a very picky eater. she can get overwhelmed by loud noises.

I hadn't been too concerned, but by this before, she's really outgoing, social and I'd been so happy in herself. But now with all the emotional outbursts, she's having, I'm thinking, should I be looking at an assessment for her in case of missing the bigger picture?

Her preschool teacher called me back last week to say she'd noticed she'd been different, she'd seen a difference in her behaviours this term compared to the first term. Okay, so it's at school too. Okay. Yeah, she said she's not the happy energetic girl she was before Christmas. It makes me so sad to hear that.

Well, that is worrying if it's at home and at school. Right. So then this parent is reflecting on her own response as well, which is really important too, obviously, because no child is an island. I stay calm 99% of the time she says. When she's flying off the handle, I try to see it from her. point of view. For example, when she's having a meltdown about brushing her teeth, I wait until she camps. Brilliant. Then I get down to her level, which is all the stuff that Tina's been advising you guys to do for ages. Then I get down to her level, I explain that we almost brush her teeth

to keep them healthy. And it's my job to keep her safe and healthy. Very good. I try to respect her feelings, actively listen, acknowledge what she's saying while trying to also be firm on things that keep her safe and healthy. But I feel like everything is a battle. I get so drained by it. Her dad has more of an authoritarian parenting style, and I suppose we should really be working together on being consistent between us with how we communicate with our kids.

I just feel a bit lost at the moment as a parent, and I feel like I just can't do it, right? My plan is to try and give her more one-to-one time playing, as sometimes there's a lot of rushing around in racing. Everybody understands this, just trying to make the evening a bit more structure. They have a bit of all over the place of late, maybe too much TV. Cue my own guilt, she says. But I'd really love your advice.

I would like this to be kept anonymous. And it always will. You know, we'll never reveal your name on the show. So Tina, where do you begin with that? It's so tricky because, first of all, here we have a mother who's so reflective. trying to figure it all out and also, while it sounds about using a very good approach in response to the behaviour,

but she has a point with the daughter losing the uncle. And if they're not talking about grief and how people die, this is an age where children become slightly obsessed with death. They learn how to count, they learn about infinity, and all of a sudden they're very aware people do not live forever if people die. And it can make them very, they can all respond to it in very different ways. Sometimes the most natural response is the fascination with it.

And that can be a bit scary, but it's scarier if they don't actually talk about it. And if you're not talking about, I don't know how they've dealt with the passing of the uncle. And if it's something that they've avoided talking to the child about, it could have manifested in her not feeling very safe anymore, you know, and that can produce active behaviours. She's just a little bit worrisome about the world. That might not be it, but kids do tend to age four and five really become quite interested in dying in death. So if somebody has actually died in this time frame, it can impact them quite. So just the feeling of not being that safe can produce a kind of.

It's the worry, worrying about, they're having worries about people in their life and they don't quite know what they're worrying about. And that's why books like, no matter what and The Invisible String, are great because it tells kids, yes, people die. But it tells them in a really nice way, like it's a normal thing, normalizes it for it, you know. Yeah, so no matter what. Like Debbie Galoree and The Invisible String, I can't read anywhere. I can't remember the, who wrote that. Yeah, and you just read that at bedtime with them, to start with. Yeah, but I'd open up the dialogue of, if you haven't, if you have not discussed the passing of the uncle, I mean, that's the mother or father's brother.

That's going to have impacted the family. Yeah, yeah. And kids pick up on this stuff is actually way worse if it hasn't been talked about because then they go to a place of fear and that can reduce behaviours. Also, I really feel like this girl is crying out for a visual timetable for her day. It sounds like there's a bang of unpredictability, and she's not quite sure what's happening next. And that can make a kid quite anxious and unhappy in themselves. And maybe just a nice little simple picture chart of what happens in her day, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So she has a visual expectation of her days.

I also think she needs the now and next approach because for me it just feels like a kid who's not quite sure what's going to and that's simply okay now we're brushing our teeth

next and next we're going to yeah so that they're never in a moment of not knowing what's coming next they just need that reassurance right now they need to know all the time okay I'm doing this now

but next I'm doing that so lets them know that once you finish your breakfast there is going to be a request coming Yeah, and I think that should be implemented at school too. Most classrooms at that age have now an export because every earlier teacher understands that there's a kid in this classroom who's going to be worrying. Let's take that worry away straight away

by making this a general approach to the whole class. What do you say to the mom, though? Because it does feel like, you know, she's sent this email and I always think that when people contact the show, like we are the place that, one of the places that people go when they're really, really are stuck. Yeah, you know, those things, holy crap,

they must be hard if they're getting in touch with me, a comedian. Yeah, for twice at the same time, they know they're not going to be judged and they know they'll be anonymous. Yeah, it's a no judgment, I think, that makes people get in touch with us. And, I mean, this girl might just need a few more hugs and she might just need a few more,

Mommy loves you know, their wash, you know, in bedtime. But, like, she mentioned getting her check for a diagnosis. There is no harm, especially if she's noticed flapping I mean a lot of kids do that a lot of kids do genuinely do that and they don't have anything wrong with them it's just something they start

quite a few grown-ups that do it as well yeah well they might have needed a diagnosis on there before they're like there's no harm in it because you're just trying to understand your child's needs that's what I was saying earlier like we're so lucky these kids are so lucky they've got parents who are actively

conscious of how their child is perceiving the world That is amazing. That other book, The Invisible String, is written by Patrice Karst. Yeah. And it is available absolutely everywhere in paperback. It came out in 2018. And, you know, these books that Tina recommends, we usually try and link them in the info.

But there are these incredible resources, these books that you think, how can that help? But when you're talking about grief specifically. you kind of have to come around it rather than stray Oh I don't know better Well it depends on the child But I definitely think the more open and honest you are The better your child will receive it

Right Children get worried if they think they're not getting whole treats And I mean this mom could even just You know print off a few pictures And make a picture book of that person And they can have You know leave it on the table See if she comes to it and starts looking at the pictures

then open up about the conversation and talk about memories. It's normalizing it. It's taking the fear away from, you know, perhaps she thinks I'm not allowed talk about that person anymore, you know. What about the moving of school? Because I know that that's going to be one of our final questions, isn't it? That's the other question today. The moving of school gets dropped in there. She was okay to Christmas.

Well, she moved in September, so she was okay in her new school until Christmas. But, like, again, what was the dialogue around that move? Like, is the child aware that the reason she had to move school, was that the other school closed down? Or was she just moved and parents maybe forgot to tell her? Now, it sounds like this mom would have told her and informed her. But maybe just letting her know that this school isn't going to close down. And this is where you're going to be till you finish. And then you're going to go to big school, letting her know that you're not going to have that same experience again.

So if we go back to question about the grandparents, the grandparent advice with a kid that's acting out in this way is, well, the worst case scenario was hit him a slap, you know, if you think about it, that was a lot of them, they're coming from that perspective, but there's going to be that voice probably going out, they'll grow out, they'll just, ah, ignore that. There is something to that, though, isn't there, that if your kid is having a temper tantrum, like she's all. already said that she does her best to stay calm. Like, how much team is the first step in dealing with your kid's tantrum is showing them that's not going to work? Yeah, I mean, that's a tricky one because they'll go out of it can sometimes leave to kids having really bad speech impediments when they're like, you know. Really?

You know, parents on taking things seriously at this age can really affect the kid. Like, I think she's four. The here's a mom who's completely on it. She is dealing with the tantrum so well. She said she needs to work on her emotions and it's obvious she really needs to help her daughter with that. She needs a name, like she needs to do the de-escalation script where she, instead of staying quiet, maybe to say, I can see you're really angry about this.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so angry. When you're ready, can you please tell me why you feel angry? What has made you feel so angry? And then to thank the child. Like, it's this whole thing around anger, allowing our children to feel it. Like, it's important. They're allowed to feel angry. They can't be perfect children all the time, you know.

They're allowed to be happy. They're allowed to be angry. They're allowed to be sad. And that way, the kid's not embarrassed or ashamed with their emotion. Like, they can't be tantruming. That's different to anger. That's acting out, and that's putting themselves in danger. And a parent has to be on top of that.

that your child is allowed to have a moot. Final thing on this, right? And I know that she probably doesn't want to talk to her better partner. But when she's saying, my partner is a much more authoritarian style. It sounds to me a little bit like, and again, this is just me. Like, my role on this podcast is to just play devil's advocate a lot of the time. Read out these emails and hear what team has to say. But sometimes I think I spot a little kind of germ of something.

Oh, no. I think at this point I feel sometimes you're better No, I've said this to Jarlin I feel like he drained me of all my Yeah, sucked it all out of you Yeah, any talent I had is gone And now I'm like, what do you think, Gerald?

I'm spotting different things, right? We're both observers. You're observing kids. My job is to observe human behavior and make jokes out. And I definitely think that the hint there is she doesn't feel supported.

No. She feels like, oh well it's all very well for you to come in and go that's that but i'm trying to do it another way does she need to sit down with her partner and be like can we both try this yeah and i mean you know you've reminded me of something there like first of all have the chat with your partner and tell them what you're trying or her what you're trying to achieve okay this mom is obviously trying not to go with the big reactions and punishment yeah she is trying to hear her daughter see her daughter and work true with her. And that is amazing. And where she has found that patience,

she should be so kind to herself. Because loads of people don't have it. Lots of people don't have it. And it's really hard. But also, this little girl is old enough for family meeting. And that is also a great, always a great approach to the whole first real family meeting. You cannot get in an argument during the meeting. Everyone has to be listened to and feel listened to. That is a great opportunity to get your daughter to know. And secondly, it's a really good. time to remind your kids what the rules are what the basics are what are you expecting of them we still do them we still do they at 14 years old oh my god do we and i find them the hardest i'm the problem really hard because you're often walking away going we'll definitely learn

something yeah it's like going for a run you'll never regret a family meeting yeah but it is hard as the parent to stay quiet like i find it really hard i do have to sit on my hands and go react It's going to be triggering. But, like, you know, just laying down the law here and informing the girl what the rules are, you know, what is expected of you? What is okay? What is not okay in our house? And probably the school could take with too much. Well, the school is a great resource.

Getting that teacher to work on emotions for her, getting the teacher do a lot of family circles where the kids do open up. I mean, reporting back to the mom, what has she said? Like that teacher, oh, like, get, you know, that little girl. some sensory room hours where she can really relax and feel like she can open up. You know, there's something going on there. There's a lot in this answer that I hope.

There's trusting her gut. There's something going on there. I hope she works out. Yeah, well, there's an awful lot for all of us to take from this no matter what age your kid is. So thank you so much for the email. We have one final question,

but I do want to talk to you, Tina, about the Netflix catfish documentary that we watched last night. We watched that last night. That's crazy. Let's talk about it. This Netflix documentary that we watched last night might be a recommendation for the week.

Yeah, like we can't ruin it, but I'll never forget Mikey's face at the end. Disbelief. Like, he was like, what? How? I know, but also it's a great examination of mental illness. Yeah, and course of control, I think. Well, yeah, again, I don't want to give away any of it to anyone,

but it is called high school catfish. and it is sickening on so many levels. This girl has been terrorized by these anonymous text messages telling her to harm herself, telling her that she needs to bake up with her boyfriend, that her boyfriend's not interested in her. I mean, haunting. They're kids and these messages result in the breakup of the relationship. And obviously, you know, other people being implicated in who's,

sending the messages. And it takes place in this tiny town of Beal City. And it's really a one horse town, two pubs, one traffic light is how they describe it. And this ice school gets torn apart by these messages that will not stop for over two years. And over the course of this hour and a half documentary, we eventually find out who is responsible. And you're never going to guess who is responsible. I don't think you would ever guess. You will never guess. Unless you followed the story. And I'm saying that will probably make you think, well, it must be the most... I think I guessed it, though, didn't I?

Oh, okay. Well done, Jarleth. You'll never guess, but I did. It's a good recommendation for this week. I had guessed, but I guessed wrong. Yeah. I had guessed the position the person would have in that person. Yeah, in the community.

I had guessed wrong. I got the wrong. You're an awful woman for the spoilers seen out. I didn't, I didn't spoil it. I am terrible, though. I drive Michael crazy. Oh, my God. This is what Tina does when you were watching.

I don't mean to. She'll have seen it. No. And we're watching it with Mikey for the first time. No, no. It's when he's reading his books. I'll say something stupid like, have you got to the part with this? And he's like, Mom.

No. I mean, it's not. But like, he gets so upset with you for doing it. But Tina, it's unforgiving. I am starting. I'm trying. I'm trying my best. I'm doing my best.

Well, I just presume he's got to that part. in the book. Like, why does he ring so? Final question of the day. Hi, Tina and Jared. Hope you're both well and a fab summer. Firstly, I just wanted to say big thing.

Podcast, your advice around potty training specifically gave me the confidence to go for it. It was my second child before he turned two and he smashed it within three days. I was worried it was going to be. And it was the worst advice they ever got. That's amazing.

I listened to my well-meaning mother-in-law, Bullingar raise A school nurse Basically Jarlett's mother Skitch on Instagram Well, you're being terrible heart and I'm only two years old

I expect him to be driving the car now will you? I suppose it'll be paying rent next week With my first child who kept telling me he was before she even though my gut told me he was Anyway, Tina gave me the confidence

to ignore her a little time around and I'm so glad I did I'd also say the advice about getting an older sibling is great because getting them invested in the process meant my toddler's successes were everyone's success.

And it spurred them on. How lovely. And then there's an ethos, there's an atmosphere in the house of or in it together. Anyway, I wondered if you had any thoughts on changing schools. My six-year-old will be going to a different school from next September. Year three here in the UK

compared to the majority of his current class. When do I tell him? Brilliant question. When do you tell them about this move and how? We're choosing a different school purely based on the fact that we think he will do better there rather than moving. House.

He's not unhappy where he is at all. He has a few friends, but my God is telling me he's not truly settled. Hence the change. Once he's at the new school, I'm sure he will be fine. I don't want to tell him too soon and disrupt the whole of year two. However, also don't want to spring it on him.

New school has suggested Easter term for him to have some settling session. Any advice, much appreciated. Please feel free to mention this in the podcast. Already done. Tina, you've seen this so many times. You've been the educator who's helping the kid through the transition. where does it begin? Well, you know what?

For people listening in Ireland, this would seem really strange. But in England, from living there, and you can totally get what the mum's doing. Like, we're spoiled here with the education system. We're so lucky. And every school is so different over there. It's hard to explain. It is.

And that is such an important age because she knows. Sat's are on the way. And if this kid doesn't do well... That's our equivalency test to see how your kid is where they're at. Yeah, and he doesn't do well. It determines a lot of the rest of his, I mean, it's ridiculous. The pressure they're under is ridiculous. And the schools are under pressure too to perform well.

And a lot gets lost. So having them in the right school. And it's nice to hear that she's thinking about it from a social point of view to, even though I, yeah, if I truly believe, I think I think she knows, she needs to get him in a good school because it's so bloody hard over there, but she's not worried about him. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine.

And she's not worried about him social either. Yeah. I had friends in England who would move their kid to a school, move them back. Oh, my God. Move them to a new school, to move them back. I mean, you're being so consciously aware of how this could impact him. I would say you might need to start dropping in the idea

that kids do this. that this is a normal thing that happens who a lot of kids in year three when they finish year two go to another school I mean if he was in like you know our kid went to a school

that you started in reception you went the whole way up but there was loads of schools that had two buildings from reception to year two and then year three was a different building up to year six and then you know

lots of kids wouldn't go to the other building they'd use that as a fresh opportunity to go to a new school. So it is something that happens over there a lot. I'm forgetting the names of the school. What about the Easter term idea? Is that the right time? That's a brilliant idea. That's a brilliant idea. The school is obviously well aware that the kid needs to say. It's going to be my first suggestion was the school will have done this. Yeah. They will have good guidance for you on this. And yeah, the conversation, I think, is what she's most concerned about. How would you do the

conversation? Well, you need to lead it like this is a very normal thing that we're doing. And he should be, you do need to try and start informing him pretty quickly because he needs to have it in his head that I am going to year three in a different school and that is totally normal and fine and those people do it. Yeah, and if you, like, I always, I think it's so funny, like to hand up,

if you walk out there with a lot of confidence, they have confidence in you. Oh, yeah, they will follow your lead. You come into this with the sense of very exciting. It's so exciting. Thank you, Jarley, for reminding me that. Yeah, you have to lead it in a very happy, This is so exciting.

We're so lucky. You're getting on to this new school. The school you're in right now is amazing because what you don't want to happen is for that kid to be like, oh, I can't wait to get out of this shit hole, you know? You know, which happens. Yeah. You know, this actually shit. You guys suck. You can suck.

I'm not going on a better place. I'm better than you. Turns out this place is the pet. Yeah, my mom says it's a tie here. Mom's explained to me that all of you are losers. They will 100% follow your lead on this. There are going to be times when they'll be like, can I not just stay in this school?

And what you can say to them is, you can stay in these friendship groups, no problem. We can have all the play there we need. We're going to still go to the same clubs. Of course. This isn't school you're going to frit your tree. Yeah. It is so exciting.

It's an opportunity. And you get to do it because they heard about you. They're excited you're coming to their school. Do you know the kind of stupid stuff that is going to make this kid excited about? this is visiting the school and seeing something like cool football pitch. Yeah. Like, uh, the kind of, uh, there's going to be a canteen or something. The simple stuff.

I mean, I think he's a little bit old to do a picture book. Like if you, if you're, if you're, what is he again? He's going into your tree. So he'd be done on age, wouldn't he? Yeah. Picture book line would be the worst idea. I mean, you could. You could do, uh, the school would put it together for you.

A kind of picture book or journal or rules or some kind of book to prepare him what this teacher looks like, what the building looks like. I mean, in this day and age, you can go online. They might have a Facebook account, but like, it is, everything is in how she leads this. And like you just reminded me, it's so exciting. This is so cool. Can you believe we are delighted. We managed to get a place in this new school.

And you're going to finish out your here. And then we're going to move to this school and we'll keep in touch with it. Well, maybe don't even bring that up until he does. But it's so exciting. this. I'm so proud of you getting into this new school. Yeah. Okay. Well, wish anybody the best to look with any kind of move like that because it is big. And also big, big best wishes to everybody sending their kids back to school now in this period of reality donning. What do you mean? I got to go back in again. It is not a cakewalk. That's the why this podcast exists.

Keep your emails coming in. Yeah. And before we leave that question, no, if it doesn't work, I mean, you've got to give it a while. There has to be that consciousness, yeah. Don't ever say it to him, but have it in your own head. You've been not happy. We just go back. Okay, and that's okay. No, today will do it.

Do not care about anyone else thinks. You are trying to give your child the best life you can. That's Grant. Honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com is the email address. Follow us on Instagram. For more kind of bite-sized Tina tips, whatever it is. are really trying to make me do those reels every time you do one it blows up

this is the annoying thing people are struggling to get their reels to get views when Tina does her reel it gets shared because it will be simple stuff like getting them to eat or just preparing them for a trip do you know how much Garen? Subscribe to us on Instagram

Honey You're ruining our kid to get those Garen yeah Garen Nune is so in the psych guys now that when you said thank you there I nearly said oh when you said follow me. I nearly said I'm delicious. Well, you are delicious. That's the only thing, too. I don't know if Garen's delicious, but yours is going to be said.

This week, you can find me at the Pavilion Theatre in Dunleary, three shows, Turles at the Source on Saturday. Now, all of these shows. So, it's so cool, isn't it? Sore. Yeah, it's a cool name. It's a pretty amazing venue. State of the art. State of art.

It's the cool. It's sold out. A journal is a total sellout now. I'm a total sellout. We've added an extra show at the Mote Theater in NACE, which is on October 3rd, and we're adding an extra night at the Three Olympia, four shows already sold out there. An extra night at Cork Opera House.

The first night's already gone. Leisureland Galway has just. sold out so we're adding another one there and we will be adding two shows in New York City at the Grammarcy Theatre. Can I just say something? I made Durnet do a gig

in Mayo and no one seems to know about it. The T.F. Royal is happening in January I have pressured my husband to do it because I wanted to spend a year there. They're not advertising it yet. I don't know why I keep giving out to them but please

come to TF Royal. You get the tickets not taken. master that I and yeah look forward to seeing you at the shows I come out and say hello to everybody afterwards so please do make the effort to come and stick around Tina thank you so much for doing this you.