Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Caught Pruning The Lady Garden, A Nightmare At Bedtime & Getting Kids To Listen - S2E35

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

From your kids giving you no privacy to tantrums that go off the deep end - this episode has got it all. Tina has to dig deep to find the right strategies to help these parents, Jar goes back to getting pantsed in public and an unexpected response from the biggest star in children's tv. It’s our bank holiday Monday special and boy do we have an episode for you.Question 1 - Listen to me!A very frustrated dad gets in touch this week to figure out why his kids insist on ignoring him?  Family meeting are a must. Iron out those creases.  Get some rules in place. Explain what behaviour you expect from your kids and get ready for a much more enjoyable summer with your children. Question 2 - Caught In The Lady Garden!If you live in a house with doors that have no locks how are you expected to have any privacy? Is it even fair for your partner to employ a "no key in doors" policy? How many times does your kid need to walk in on you naked before you’re allowed to pop a lock on a door?Question 3 - Non-sleeping Beauties!We love hearing from friends. A wonderful one got in touch this week seeking out advice for her sleep deprived single mom friend. When your kids have no respect for bedtime how to do address it and establish a bedtime routine that will actually work? Thank you so much for tuning in to this weeks episodes of Honey You’re Ruining Our Kid. Why don’t you head on over to a Patreon to hear about the hilarious A list kid star I got in touch with this week in my attempts to help a very stressed out mom. www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad You will also find Tina's top three tips for keeping your cool with the kids this summer.Emails open all summer - [e-mail]. 

Welcome to hay fever season on Honey You're Ruining Our Kid. Tina's just finished clawing her eyes out. And not because of me this time. So that makes a welcome change. It's 50-50. Okay, that's nuts. I'm sitting in front of the window looking out on a field of hay that's yet to be baled. And Tina is going through an absolute nightmare with this right now.

I am. I'm very allergic to hay, grass, trees. So our country living situation suits me. Full disclosure, this is the second time we've attempted to record this intro. So the first time we did it, Tina was full of life and telling me all about the hay fever test that she took the sample that they did on her arm and how her arm went up like a balloon. She was so in it. Now she's just like, I'm over that. Now I could have recorded it again and I couldn't possibly do it again on cue.

You're just not showbiz, Tina. That's what it is. Like, you're all, you're all of it. No, I'm not being mean. I'm telling you that on Friday night, I witnessed you at the Olympia at your least showbiz. The reason why we are not performing at electric picnic on your RuneRkid episode is because, Tina, you would have to agree, crowds aren't your friend. I'm very shy.

Are you shy? I'm shy. You don't like the stage? No. For every scene to you, I don't know how you do this job and you're always like, oh, oh, oh, I really don't know how you do this job. And you're always like, oh, I really don't know how you do people cheering for me. Yeah, I don't. I don't like I don't even like someone saying hello to me. I introduced Tina at the three Olympia in Dublin for the sixth and final

sold out night of the your man tour. Well, my yeah, my plan was to come on stage and say a few nice words toarlad and present him with something that MCD had given me to mark the occasion. I said your name, they cheered and I could see you in the wings going, oh no, this is a bad idea. I cracked myself. I walked down to the stage and I immediately started to feel like I was going to vomit. And I was shaking so terribly. The place was really well lit. It's usually you just be looking out on darkness, but it was really well lit because we were filming the brand new stand up special there that night.

I could see everyone. And Tina could see each and every face, smiling and looking at her all at once. So I threw the thing at Charlie and ran off the stage. Ran off. And I mean, I guess that's the presentation over. I'm so sorry. I don't I can't even pretend like I could have done a better job. I should have said from the start that someone from MCD needed to do it because

I am not that person. When I came off stage, Tina said to me, you didn't stick to the plan. I didn't know there was a plan. What are you talking about? I didn't know there was a plan. I was like, what are you talking about? I said, we'll figure it out. But I guess that's because when you do stand up, you don't really have a plan of any sort,

because a plan is the opposite of funny. Yeah, like, you know, when they invited us to do the podcast, it's like your picnic. I was like, absolutely no way. I told them no straight away. Marion McKeown on the other hand. Yeah, that's go picnic. I was like, absolutely no way. I told him no straight straight away. Marion McKeown on the other hand, the Irish man in America podcast will be an electric picnic. That's going to be so cool. That is going to be amazing. And Tina will be there at that. Yeah, I'm a watcher.

She might answer your parenting questions at the side of the stage. I am a watcher. I love that you like being on stage. I just definitely don't like it. Not for me, Not for me. But Tina did get in touch with somebody extremely famous this week. And you're not going to believe who. I'll give you a moment to pause the podcast and say to yourself who you think it is

that Tina got in touch with. Maybe the most famous figure in children's entertainment today. I had a mom say to me if I could just get in touch with that person and they did something about this thing, maybe that would help their child. And I said, you know what? I actually know someone who works in that. I'm going to do that. And I did. She did.

So if you want to hear who that is, you need to come over to patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. I'm basically Santa Claus. And here the extended cut of our episode. We've only got about four episodes until the summer break. And that's when you'll be able to catch up on the ones that you've gone by or missed over the last few months, you get extra large size episodes over there, there the full Irishman archive and it is the only way we can continue to make the show full disclosure this is membership system five per month for the people that and you get to support the show.

Failing that, give us a rating, a comment and a subscription on whatever platform you're listening to. We've got three great questions again this week, Tina. So why not get to it? To hear the number of kids in Emerald Park this weekend, we took my to go on the Fianna Forge. Yeah, you can hear them from our office. Fianna Forge is in our office party.

Fianna Forge. Fianna Forge. You can see it from our house. Forging. Absolutely. Like, you know, the old Celts and their roller coasters. I love Emerald Park. You know I do. Yeah, well, you're completely converted. I am. But Fianna Forge obviously relates to the ancient Celts and their love of roller coasters and how much wisdom they took from crafting rides for kids.

Yes. And it was great educational value to the ride and that Mikey kept his eyes closed throughout. But the amount of little boss men kids that we heard everywhere. Well, actual pure joy is to be heard over there. Although it's not as fun to enjoy from our house where we can hear them on the roller coaster all day long. But anyway, we'll forget about that. I don't mind that too much.

I do. Sorry for sniffling. I don't hear it anymore. Like I used to live next to a railway line. Oh, that's way worse. All right. Yeah. So it was just like trains all day long. And that was head wrecking because it'd be through the night, you know, really close to the railway line. In Kildare? Yeah. Trains went through the night.

Yeah. They go to Kildare once a day, Jarlad. Question number one. Not making it up. Hi, Jarlath and Tina. We have a seven year old and a nearly four year old girl. First time I read this, I said we have a seven year old boy who is nearly a four year old girl, but that's a completely different episode. Both are very bright.

But when we ask them to do something, they just ignore us as a duo. I love that Could you have you you could have to repeat things ten times? Before they seem to even hear us never mind get them to do it This is why I brought up the little last man and we witnessed Dictating everything and then ignoring what they didn't want to hear. The boy also bites his nails and has had no, we've had no success in getting him to stop. We also have experience with this. He still gets temper tantrums, particularly when tired or hungry, but they can happen at any time. Absolutely love the show. Thanks, Dave.

Dave did did did did do do do. Nearly gave away your name. Absolutely anonymous. Nobody's ever going to know who that was. What a great question to open the episode, because as we have been saying over and over again, summer is coming. It's like winter is coming. Game of Thrones.

Summer is coming, lads. And you are going right. We met a parent at Emerald Park who told us, absolutely dreading it. The summer. I know. Well, most parents are. It's a long time. Like, I can't get my friends in England to actually believe me that Mikey has 12 weeks off school. 12 weeks.

He can't believe it. Mikey's so happy. He's like, I'm going to grow up a lot in this 12 weeks. He can't believe it. Mikey's so happy. He's like I'm gonna grow up a lot in this 12 weeks. But you know I did think that there's one sentence in this that really stood out to me but first I want to hear what your take is on a 7 and 4 year old that just won't listen. Yeah well it's just a bad habit isn't it? Is that all? Yeah it's a bad habit. They're in a bad habit. It's pretty willful. Willful, but also just a habit that's formed, really. Like they're in it together. They're both ignoring him. Yeah.

Like they're both very consciously are like, don't mind that fella. Don't mind that. If you don't listen, they won't ask again. Sure. He'll just stop. He leaves you alone. They'll do it themselves. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a habit.

up, he leaves you alone. They're the daughter of themselves. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a habit. And really, it's them having a lack of rules and clarity in that house. There's no, there doesn't seem to be any consequence for them not listening, you know. It's just that the dad goes, they didn't listen again. Whereas kids know, if I don't listen, something's going to happen.

They will listen. They need a bit of fear in there. No, not fear. What's expected of them? Not fear. What's wrong with a bit of fear? Oh, I don't think any kid should be fearful. But like, I'm afraid if I don't listen to my mom, that I'll lose something. I don't think that that's like. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

You don't want to that's like, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. You don't want to. Like, there should be fear of the consequence. I think there should be respect for the consequence. It's kind of splitting hairs a little bit. There are totally different attitudes towards the consequence. I think that a little bit of fear goes a long way. I mean, look at our relationship. Terrified to step out of line for fear of what might happen.

Yeah, yeah, you're shaking in your boots, Charlotte Regan. Yeah, that's always what the dictator thinks. Oh my God. No one's really afraid of me. Little old me. It's just a habit. And actually, this could be rectified so easily. Just start the family meetings. OK. Have that first one where they think this is glorious.

It's really comfy, it's got loads of snacks, it's just really sweet. And you talk about a lot of things. The dad gets time to air how it makes him feel when they ignore him. He might need to let his kids know that it actually hurts my feelings. You know, I'm trying to be a kind dad, I'm trying to be fair, and you're not meeting me halfway here. Let's set up some rules in our house. My rule is going to be that when I ask you to do something you listen and do it, you know? And with a four-year-old is there a different standard to the seven-year-old? No, no. So there's no disparity of understanding in terms of... In terms of listening? No, absolutely not.

What about the thing of the tantrums? Because that kind of suggests that there's more going on... Well... Than just... Tantrums? Not listening. Tantrums happen more in a house where there's no rules and clarity. Why? Because the child doesn't really know what's expected of them, what's allowed, what's not allowed.

That's why setting up the rules and letting them know what's okay. What's not okay is so important Because the child who tantrums is really a child who's going well. I'm just gonna scream and shout until you cave Whereas if they know that well, this is the rule. I Know what's expected of me. I know what's gonna happen. I might scream and shout, but dad's not gonna do anything. He's not gonna react. I'm not gonna get away with it. That child will not tend to tantrum again the next time. They'll know it's a waste of their energy.

So with this summer, again, coming up, and we've often said this before, Christmas. Yeah. Is it kinda like you kinda nearly need to do a quarterly family meeting? Yeah, I think it's very important. Before you go anywhere. Yeah, definitely remind them of the rules.

Don't don't presume your kids know what you're expecting of them. They don't ever ever, especially a four and a seven year old. They need guidance. They need you to remind them. Remember that one like Tina would always coach Mikey going into a place, right? If you go, here's where we're going. Here's who we're meeting. This is what you're going to have to do when you walk in the door in terms of shaking hands, looking the eye, say thank you when we're leaving and whatnot.

And we will let you know 10 minutes before we're going, when we're going. And then you'll have to do this. And everyone will always be like, oh, my God, Mikey's amazing. And we wouldn't be like, well, we've told him what to do. Yeah. No, the fact was he was still doing it. Yeah. But people were shocked. Like, if you think you've got a problem

with your kid being unmannered, going somewhere, just tell them exactly what to do. You have to allow them, you have to model the behavior you want from your kids. It is always funny though, when people would go, how is he so mannerly? He's looking at us, like, where would he be? Where would he see that?

I don't know. It's a mystery. I guess he watches a lot of mannerly TV shows. No, how? No, that's nothing to do with ye. That's hilarious. That was what we were told once. He's like, now that has fuck all to do with ye now.

Yeah. But like, I mean, if you want your kids to do something, you have to show them. Like, that's what Montessori education is all about. The teacher, the directors in the room takes the time to show. They completely, what's the word, demonstrate the whole lesson, the way it's supposed to be, and then the child gets to go away and do it independently because you've demonstrated how it should look they have the opportunity to take in what's expected of them you can't just tell you

got a show one of the things about the tantrums though that they even mentioned this is the line that stood out to me as like sometimes it's when they're hungry yeah obviously they're gonna be expending way more energy across the summer is a snack table an option in the Yeah, that's a really good idea. But also you need a jug of water on the go the whole time because sometimes in the summer months it can be hydration that makes them irrational, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's also just the schedule.

Yeah. And the harder to sleep, brighter nights, brighter mornings. They're not getting as much sleep as they used to. Grow blinds are unbelievably helpful, but not everyone can afford to have a grobe line, you know. But like it is, it is a hard adjustment period, that sunshiny time. Do you have any recollection of throwing a tantrum as a child, like as a child as opposed to the ones you throw as a grown up? I think I threw a few when I... She hasn't even responded to that. She just looks into the distance. I think I probably threw a few when that, she looks into the distance.

I think I probably true of you when I was a teenager. All right. Oh, really? Over what? Oh, your birthday? No, just over. I don't know. I don't know why I assumed you threw a tantrum on your birthday. Over anything. I definitely remember stamping my feet a lot in the stairs. And in the house we lived in, you had to get to a certain stairs really quickly

because up until that stair, mom could put her hand through and catch you. Yeah, we had similar stairs. Yeah. And everyone was always trying to catch everyone's ankle. Oh, my God. It was a nightmare. Like, I still, sometimes dream about that, that feeling of being caught on the stairs. Could you slide down the banister? No, definitely not.

You could slide down the banister, but you'd injure yourself a few times. You could slide down our banister. And you'd injure yourself a few times. You could slide down our banister and remember if you did it side saddle. Side saddle. Her two legs are over one side. That was the safe way to do it. But putting one leg over it and sliding down it like a horse, like you're riding a horse. Oh, my God. But then the end of the

the kind of stopper at the end would get you at the very bottom so you had to apply the brakes. No, you definitely, there's no room on my stairs to be getting up to any of those catch-lan-e-ins. You sound like a rich kid. And then the health would come and dislodge the stair stopper from one's buttocks. around one's buttocks. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Our second question of the show today is a doozy and it relates to, I guess it's violation of privacy, the thing that goes out the window, just like sleep when your kids are right. Sandy Sandberg talking about how everybody says, when you're pregnant, oh, it's wonderful, it's going to be amazing. And then the second the child arrives,

it's like, welcome to hell. You never got to sleep again. But privacy is one of those things you just kind of offer up. But I guess everything I own is going to be rooted through and have jam smeared on it. Yeah. And especially special items that are my own, like either put them in storage. Yeah, it's done. The boundaries are a thing. And that is what this question relates to.

If you have a similar issue, we really want to hear from you because this is as much about getting Tina's expertise from her 20 years in her job as hearing what's worked for you. But here we go. Tina and Jar have a very unusual one for you. Or maybe it's worked for you. But here we go. T-Line Jar, I have a very unusual one for you. Or maybe it's not that unusual. My child walked in on me shaving my downstairs, my lady garden, whatever you want to call it.

I got caught by my child tending to myself. Now, why didn't I lock the door, you say? Well, my husband doesn't believe in locked doors in our house. Something to do with stuff that happened to him as a child. I fully respect it and understand it. We also don't want to have a situation where any child gets locked behind a door, as mentioned in a previous episode of your show. Long story short, the other morning morning I am making myself neat and my

little five-year-old boy bursts in the door and sees the whole show. I covered myself quickly, asked him to politely leave and came downstairs. He doesn't have any questions about it but I can tell he wants to talk about it. I feel like I can't bring it up, and I also feel that I need a key for that door. My husband won't go for that, and I feel like this won't be the last time. I should add, this has happened once before when I was getting changed. But again, nothing big came of that because at the end of the day, I'm his mother.

And of course, he's going to see me naked at some point in his life. Maybe my attitude's all wrong. Maybe you can give me some sort of steer on this as to how to speak to my child about what they saw and how to prevent this from happening in the future. Really, really love the show, Anonymous. Okay, well, she definitely has to talk to my child about what they saw and how to prevent this from happening in the future. Really, really love the show Anonymous. Okay, well, she definitely has to talk to her child because a five year old boy

is going to make that as big as you can imagine. He is going to be the talk of the town. Circle. It is going to be reimagined. My mommy and she was scraping herself with a thing downstairs. It's going to be reimagined and like hyperbole into something a million times worse than what he saw. So you definitely have to talk to him about it. Absolutely. Tell him what you're doing. Tell him it's completely normal. Normalise it.

But is it possible that she thinks he hasn't asked a question? He hasn't said a word. She's come down knowing that there was a lot for him to see there. But as far as he's concerned, he hasn't come out and asked. So it might not be. He might just think mom was cleaning herself. Even so, there's no shame in it. She has to be careful about introducing shame.

There's no shame in what she was doing. She shouldn't be afraid to mention it or talk about it. There's absolutely no shame. I do think the locks on the door is a bit odd, but fair enough, if she's OK with that and that's something they've agreed on upon. But then they need to bring in a rule of knocking on doors before opening them. Right. So you don't think it's odd to have no keys in any doors? If that's something they've agreed to, I mean, that's their business in their home. I mean, you don't know what people odd to have no keys in any doors? If that's something they've agreed to,

I mean, that's their business in their home. I mean, you don't know what people get up to in their own houses or what rules they have. And if that's something that works for them, fair enough. But I think they have to be very clear that you do not walk into a room without knocking. Now it's really odd and strange for children because especially with their moms,

because up until the age of maybe three, sometimes four, they are brought to the bathroom with their mothers. When the mom's having a shower, they're in the bathroom. So they've been like, you know, five is really the time when you push back a little bit as a mom and try and trust their kids to do their own thing while you have some privacy time for yourself. So the kid is still remembering going and doing everything with their mom anyway. So it's pretty normal for him to see mom, you know, showering or going to toilet and stuff like that. But it is absolutely fine for the mom to want her space. I mean, you give up so much of yourself when you're a mom, you need to claw that space back. So I think if the knocking on the door doesn't work and if the dad is Auntie Keys,

why can't the mom compromise and get a latch very high up where no kid can reach it? I think if the knocking on the door doesn't work and if the dad is Auntie Keys, why can't the mum compromise and get a latch very high up where no kid can reach it? Because she deserves her space. Yeah. I just wonder about bringing it up if he hasn't brought it up. Like, you know, if you think it's totally normal, and it is, to do what she was doing, then I think that she might be projecting how embarrassed she is to him and that,

you know, he probably sees Dad with the razor all the time and just didn't think anything of it. But I guess we don't know if there was a whole rabbit in headlights Yeah, you know when you get caught doing something and you both freeze Yeah, well, I hope she didn't hurt herself because that's what I was imagining like You know But like I just feel like it's absolutely okay to have a rule in the house that you knock on the door before you open it Because you model it by doing it to them. Before you go into their room. Anybody's going to argue with that.

But I guess I'm just you think that I don't think she should explain what she was doing. OK, well, I mean, she should just say, hey, little buddy, whenever we go into a bathroom, we always knock, regardless of where we are. Inside this house, outside the house, you go to a cubicle, you knock. Yeah. And I guess in that instance, when you say that, there's the opportunity for him to ask a question if he has one. But you've got to be ready because that day might come and you have to be ready.

If you're not going to preempt it, you got to be ready to answer it when it happens. Or explain to his teacher what the kid's talking about in class. Do you think that dad doesn't take it seriously enough that she needs her space and that maybe to show how important space is, she should try and get one of the kids to interrupt him when he's in the bathroom. Send him up the cup now. It is unfair because it's probably not happening to dad as much as it's happening to mom,

because they're probably not thinking they need dad all the time. Like kids tend to think I need my mom all the time when they're that age. So it is a tricky one. But like, she should be allowed to have a latch on the door if there's no keys. Like, I mean, it doesn't seem fair to me, but fair enough if that's the way the house runs. But the knock on the door is an easy thing that'll actually help your child out. You're actually helping them because they won't be

a rude kid, they're gonna be a conscientious kid who knows there could be something going on behind the store, I need to knock and check it's okay to come in. She does sound a bit traumatised. Yeah, well I would be too. What's the worst you've been caught or walked in upon? The worst thing that's happened to me that way is when I was joked in front of all my

brothers friends. Joking for those of you not living in Ireland is the pulling, being pants. Yeah. Is the other term. That was horrific. So the whipping down of the pants. Yeah. And it was you were in your pajamas? No, I was in a pair of tracksuit bottoms.

And someone whipped down your tracksuit bottoms? Yeah. But you were wearing pants? They went too. Oh God. It was horrific. Oh God. No, I've totally got, I've been triggered here myself.

It was horrific, yeah. Basketball camp. Yeah, you had that at basketball camp, yeah. But like, what age were you? Oh, old enough. 14. Oh my God. Oh my God.

There's no recovery. No recovery. I cried for days. Oh my God. I'm so sorry I brought this up. It was so embarrassing. I was like, that was the worst thing that's ever been done to me. So basketball camp, they basically the same thing happens to me.

I'm working as an RA, kind of a health coach at this basketball camp in Waterford and in front of me talking to two young girls. How young? Same age as you? They're all young. Jesus Christ. You're young as well. No, I was 17. Oh God. And the kids there were 13, 14, 15, 16.

So I had just graduated from the thing to being a helper. And the older lads and I got on well because we're only one age apart or one year apart. And one of them from Donegal, I think, class and gas crack. I whipped his pants down, jocked them. Yeah. And the pants went too. Oh my god. And I can remember my schlong blowing in the wind. I can remember the look on the girl's face when it happened.

Her looking down, her looking up at me and covering her face. Me having to wrangle everything like, oh God, pull everything back up and just like there was just no recovery. There's just no recovery. Like I wanted to go home. I wanted to just leave. Yeah, that's terrific. That's worse than mine. I was at home. I had nowhere to go. There was always people walking indoors that they shouldn't have been walking into. When we were kids, I remember an exchange student girl deliberately walking in on me

getting changed. There was only seven. Oh my God. And she thought it was gastic, fl student girl deliberately walking in on me getting changed. When I was only seven. Oh my God. And she thought it was ghastly, flicked the door open as I was getting changed. And I was just like, you're horrible. You're not a nice, but everyone has such positive experiences of French exchange students, right guys?

I think your advice is great on this. It is about teaching your kids to knock on doors. Yeah. Keys probably, it's probably a normal thing, isn't it? For people not to have keys indoors at that age. I think when kids are it's probably a normal thing, isn't it, for people not to have keys indoors at that age? I think when kids are small it's normal enough, isn't it? Sometimes they put those little hooks on the top of the door and you just put the key up.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with having a very high up latch. Yeah. Like, Mummy deserves to be able to have a shower in peace. And again, there's nothing wrong with shaving the old chow-chow, either. Chow-chow. Chow-chow. It's a show. It's our final question of the free episode, of course.

There's more where we will reveal who it is that Tina got in touch with and got a miraculous response from, which is even better over on Patreon.com forward Irish man of Robert. Here we go. Question number three. Hey, Tina and Jar, I heard you saying something sometimes that on the podcast, it's not just parents who are getting in touch. So I have a question on behalf of someone else. This is cool. A family member of mine is really struggling with her two daughters come bedtime. And I'm hoping from this post, I can pass on some things as it's absolutely heartbreaking to see her struggle.

She is a single mother of two daughters, aged five and two, and come every single night. She will have the same routines every evening up until their bedtime. She puts them to bed at 7 p.m. every night and then goes to sit down to relax and have some time to herself. Then within 10 minutes of being put to bed,

up to around 10 o'clock they constantly get up and get out of bed playing in their rooms they're going in to her room playing with her things or just messing in the bathroom she's tried many many things to try to encourage them to stay in their beds however nothing has been successful she's constantly up and down the stairs putting them back to bed getting more and more tearful each time. So I am hoping someone can give some sort of advice or anything that has worked for you personally.

If you've ever been through this, thank you all in advance. So she's talking directly to our listeners. Yeah, but that's that's a desk for you. Yeah. But like I also know that the person in that situation doesn't have time to send the email. No. Or do I have the headspace? But we heard that it's interesting that it's an observer that has emailed in because she gave us the key thing we need. And that is how is mommy reacting in those moments?

And she reveals mommy is getting tearful. So mommy is showing way too much emotion in those moments and she revealed Mummy is getting tearful. So Mummy is showing way too much emotion in those moments. And it's such a hard thing not to show. But in order for it to work, you have to stay stoic. No eye contact, no emotion, no speaking, not being unkind, never being unkind, but just not giving them the attention they are craving for. Now it's really hard, but every time those kids get up, mommy has to bring them back to bed in silence, pop them back into bed, tuck them up, leave the room.

They're looking for the reaction. They're getting a buzz of the reaction. Now there's loads of things we can do to try and make bedtime a better experience for this mother. First of all, there needs to be a wind down period. There has to be. There has to be a set routine every night for these kids. So they know supper is a quarter to seven. We get our supper, we get to watch a little cartoon, something you know, on one of the

cartoon channels. Yep. When the cartoon is over, they know it's time to go upstairs. They go upstairs, they brush their hair, they brush their teeth, they get into their pajamas. Mommy comes in. Hopefully Mommy has time to read a story. If she doesn't, we're living in an amazing age where you can put on an audiobook. Having a child having a story or a meditation going to bed is so important. You give them a cuddle, you tell them you love them, you tell them it's time to go to sleep in their own room now, they need to stay in their own bed and you will see them in the morning. Okay, for the first few nights these kids

are gonna test you. They're gonna keep getting out of bed. You have to stay so stoic. Just keep bringing them back to bed, putting them into bed, tucking them in, giving them a kiss on the cheek and leaving the room. Easier said than done. Easier said than done. And you've got to be ready to do it too, because if you break, you're back to square one. But what will happen is they will get bored. They will get so bored.

Yeah, it's less crack to get up than it is to go to bed and enjoy your dreams. And soon, if you stick with this, if every time they get up, you just bring them back up, put them in bed, all in silence, you're not being unloving, I'm never saying that, you still give them the hug, you give them the kiss, you just don't talk and you don't give them eye contact. You leave the room, every time you do that is a success

because soon then they'll associate this lovely bedtime routine and they'll know I'm expected to stay in my bed all night. Right, right. So how do you deliver that to a friend without sounding like you're, I've got all the answers. I know I don't have kids, but I know from listening to this podcast what you need to do. Well, I think because she's a single mom, she needs that friend to be there to help her through this, because when you have a partner in the house doing this with you,

every time you come back down and you're ready to break, they're there to give you a hug. Yeah. And take the baton and say, well, if needs be, if needs be, take the baton, but really have to stay true to it yourself. But they're there to say, you did it. You're doing so hard. Keep going. So this friend actually need probably needs to say, I've heard this thing. I'm willing to give up my time and come over and try and do this with you.

It's probably going to take a whole week. But I'm here for you. Let's try and get through this together. Let's see if we can get your time back. You're obviously a very good friend. I'd definitely not do that for any of my friends. You're so weak at their house. Yeah. Well, you'd hope that you'd break that in three days, you know? I reckon.

I hope so. With a five and a two year old, I mean, they're so smart. Yeah, and they're so weak-willed. And then obviously it's really important when they have slept here the whole night and in the morning you don't say well done you're sleeping here the whole night but you say things like I'm so proud of you getting a full night's sleep you look like you've got loads energy today you know why because

you gave your body the sleep it needs last night. You're growing look at you yeah like really give them that kind of praise make them feel really good about themselves There's so much fun when you've had a great night's sleep. Yeah. Yeah, I got really good crack at you. You're not as crabby You're not a little tyrant But what a lovely friend to care great friends because so many moms and single moms like I don't know how they do it When you used to go away and I'd be on my own in England with Mikey. Every time you came back, the guilt I would feel. Are you OK?

Yeah. The guilt I would feel that I got, Mikey's dad got to come back. When I knew I had friends who they never got the respite. They never got that moment of, oh, it's not just all on me anymore. Single moms are fucking legends. I don't know how they do it but they really need support so well done this friend being so good to her. In the extra part of today's conversation with Tina I have a big question one that you're gonna want to hear the answer to. I always get so frightened. Well it's not one that you'll be frightened by because you're the absolute queen of this. How do you keep the head?

How do you not blow your top with your kids? This goes from toddlers right up to teens. We're going to get Tina's top three tips to keep your cool when your kids pushing you to your limit. You're going to need this for this summer and beyond. It's all over on patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. As I said, couple of clicks, five per month, you'll be paying for the people that can't afford to do it.

And in that way, we'll keep this podcast going and rolling into 2024, 2025. Teen, a few episodes left to the summer. And I can't wait for people to hear the most unbelievable person that you got in touch with this week who got back to you. You'll need to come over to Patreon to hear that. Thank you so much, Deanna. Thank you, Dierle.