Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Cursing Kids, Hair We Go & Restoring Your Good Dad Name - S2E25

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

This parenting lark isn’t getting any easier this week we have a host of questions from our lovely listeners. Ranging from hair problems to potty mouths. There's a heap of great recommendations and big laughs in this fantastic episode.Question 1-A single dad gets in touch looking for advice on how best to care for his little girl's hair. Luckily we have the best solution for this particular question. Braid Maidens! An online or in person braiding tutorial to suit all parents including the ones who have never brushed long here before. It's allrun and created by the lovely Annis. Her success rate is 100 percent. https://www.braidmaidens.com/ Question 2- How do you clear your name if your reputation in your home is "Evil Step Dad"? Can the relationship with your step kids be saved if they’ve already decided their new dad is a big ogre. Does the problem stop with you or them? Who needs to take action? Can it be fixed? Question 3- For whatever reason when children curse we find it adorable. Obviously a potty mouth toddler isn't ideal but who can you stop the habit before it's too late. Is it ever too late? Are you in a situation with your kids? Drop us an email [e-mail] Every week the extended cut of our episode is available on www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad - this week we hear from a Dad who is simply not enjoying fatherhood. That sense that being parent is not what was advertised can leave you feeling very low. You are not alone if you're feeling this way.

you know what i thought this week tina i thought being a parent is a lot like running a marathon it's exhausting well for multiple reasons there's an awful lot of pain involved nobody really tells you exactly how much pain or how hard it's going to be. Loads of people just go, oh no, absolutely not. Never. Not for me. Right? And then end up doing one anyway. And then end up doing one kid anyway.

You've, at times in it, you're going, why did I do this? Like what, what the hell was the point of this? Who told me this was a good idea?

I think this analogy is too mean. No, it's not because we all have those moments as parents where you're going honestly is this actually worth the pain yeah yeah we've all had those moments and you you similarly don't know what the fuck you're doing yeah and even the the greats the kipchoge's yeah the you know the uh i can't think of parents that are doing it well but everybody's bluffing it and learning and everyone has a disaster along the way there's some days it's just not your day yeah uh I definitely am in the horrors at the moment with my marathon training. Yeah.

I think you've got residual fatigue or something. Yeah. But again, very similar to parenting. And later on in the show, we do get an email that you are going to want to hear from a couple of parents. Two separate emails from parents largely in that boat of going, I thought this was meant to be better than it is yeah that's maybe the most honest emails we've received in a long time you know lily allen said that um having children ruined her career did you read the full article no no i didn't and we're always we are always talking about that that people go did you hear the news i actually did hear though

it's an it's a incredibly powerful feminist perspective on parenting but you didn't get to read it i'm really struggling with my eyesight i have to get glasses and the print i just couldn't get it to go big enough okay okay there's enough reasons for not reading the article but whenever somebody tells me i know the news I'm the main person too. I need the full article. That drives me nuts. I can't believe I did it. Because I've been that person who they've written the piece.

And the headline is some throwaway remark I made in the middle of it. I know, it's so awful when they do that. But it's a great way of getting a click or a half click, which is what you gave it. Which is you scanned it with your eyes and went, Jesus, Lily Allen must be having a terrible time with the child. This week on the show, Tina, what questions do we have? Daryl loves saying that to me. Because he knows I...

Because he can never remember. I go straight into a panic. Well, actually, we've got two dad questions in. One about a stepdad, from a stepdad who's struggling with his new family. And another dad who is in touch just with his new family and another dad is in touch just with a girl dad and girl dad problem a hair issue yeah hair yeah and then the last question we have is about a potty mouth kid oh yeah this kid is filled flooring farm fill i know that's really cute one i can't wait to talk about that one i remembered were you a cursor as a kid were you a cursor in the house or outside the house but not never in

the house oh i definitely was a cursor as a kid because uh i got sent to the bold wall for cursing and i was in baby infants it's always fun when your wife tells you a story that you haven't heard before oh you've been with her 24 years and she wheels out a story you're like haven't heard this one someone called me kylie minogue or something and i took huge offense huge offense i told him to fuck off and i was right beside a teacher i got sensitive well i don't even baby how is that not a confident what was this? I was four and a half So So you're talking 1987 No I'm not that young I'm talking 1985

You're barely on the scene 1985 She only had her number one With James Madonna When you mentioned 87 So maybe they call me Madonna I have a strange level of depth And knowledge of Kylie Minogue

No I think Kylie Minogue Was around then We'll have to find out later But surely she was only Charlene and Neighbours At that point I don't Kylie Minogue was around then we'll have to find out later but surely she was only Charlene and Neighbours at that point I don't know I just know

someone called me Kylie Minogue and I told she still had a Jericho maybe I was in first class then but I told him

to fuck off and I got caught because the teachers decided he was probably flirting with you it was a girl she was definitely

not flirting with me oh yeah well maybe she was did you say it in the manner in which you just said F off oh yeah when I was a kid I was a girl. She was definitely not flirting with me. Oh, yeah. Well, maybe she was. Did you say it in the manner in which you just said F off? Oh, yeah. When I was a kid, I was always like full force behind the fuck offs. Right.

I would never curse at home. Really? But I was. You know what? I must have been such a good kid because I remember being at a race meeting at the Currer race course with one of those evening meetings early june and hearing another kid from my class curse and i said laura noon i'm telling teacher that's not a good kid that's a tattletale i know i was like but but she looked at me and burst out laughing she's like

we're at the races i love this girl's going, is he taking the piss? You're going to go back to school tomorrow and say, hey, teach. What a cool girl. I met this girl at the races and she cursed. She's like, that's out of my jurisdiction. What a cool girl. She was so appeased with herself, obviously. She didn't say any of those words.

She just laughed in my face. Years later, I realized why. That's so funny. I like her. I've never met her. Laura Noon. We've got to meet up. It's just a name that's in there.

Really don't know what happened to Laura Noon. Email the show. Honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com. Let's get straight down to business i believe you just checked the uh level of my kylie minogue knowledge and i was correct it is 1987 it was 1987 that a child accused you of being kylie minogue and you told them to F off right into their face. A girl, Emma Russell, I'll name her. What a dig she took at you, calling you one of the most attractive ladies of the 80s.

Every lad I knew loved Charlene from Neighbours. Really? Yeah. Little did we know she would go on to be a famous arse. Oh yeah, offence. yeah i mean this first question like immediately i thought about i'm just noticing how nice blue is on you jar why don't you wear more blue we have to make sure this is in the audio podcast question number one tina and jarrett i love your show as a dad who feels like I'm walking through parenthood with my eyes half shut, I'd assume from tiredness.

Not really knowing what I'm doing. Your podcast helps me feel like I can maybe someday get something right. That's bullshit, mate. I bet you're getting loads right. Yeah. And you're just being hard on yourself. I am a girl dad and don't know much about long hair. My daughter's hair is always knotting like crazy.

I brush her hair after bath time. But there are so many, again, the next day. Yeah. Tangled hairs. Yeah, that's normal. Okay. I've literally never brushed long hair in my life. I know.

I wanted you to learn how to do hair just so you could do my hair. It also seems like the brushing is damaging the hair is this normal oh is he not able to ask his wife these questions maybe he's a single dad right okay any tips or advice on how to manage her hair better i'm trying my best but there must be a better way this guy emailed our show i know i think it's the cutest email we've ever gotten to find out how to brush hair yeah but jarlett he's like really concerned because you know what's probably happening what screaming when he's trying to brush those knots out of there i mean loads of kids won't let you near their hair like i mean it's proper no-go zone so um do i have tips of course i do because it's my favorite topic

i mean i'm the teacher who is beauty yeah i'm the teacher if you send your child to school they will come home with a different hairstyle and it will be a braid because i will braid that kid's hair first of all because i don't want to get knits trouble for braiding kids hair when they haven't asked the parents like and they're in here braided no but i saw that in the news recently that there was a mom who's really angry at the teacher but no i mean most moms of like tiny kids know that whatever way they do their hair going to school it's not going to last anyway because every little girl pulls it out right and it's a nice way to calm them down to when they're having their lunch and stuff just to braid their hair yeah i mean you never just have you ever had a bad review they've been like well you never just

do it of course you only you have to wait to be asked sure but then at the end and how do you oh yeah loads of times they won't like it do it again yeah no problem i'm happy it's amazing that at that age they will get a hairdo and say it. Yes. At a certain point, you decide, no, I'm going to leave the hairdressers and bitch about her for the rest of the month. So funny, because the last time I got my hair done was the first time in my whole life I was brave enough to say, I don't think this looks right.

And I was so brave and so proud of myself, but still walked out of the hairdresser's with the hair the same, because the hairdresser told me I was seeing things and it was fine i was like she gaslit you she did turns out that she was right it was fine but um and the main help for this guy first of all he used it he needs to use more conditioner in her hair so that when he's brushing it it doesn't hurt as much next how much is more because i think i don't I think, I don't know. Lads definitely don't know much conditioner. Like, why are those bottles the same size?

Well, I just think, you know, a little bit more than the, they say the size of a penny, but a little bit more than that. And rub it through from the top to the ends. And then when she's going to bed, plait the hair. But how does he know how to plait it guess what guess who tina's friends with only the best hair person in town a lady called but where does he live this guy yeah but they're online classes oh of course from braid maidens who i'm always sharing because she's the best has these online classes where you

can just go online and watch how to braid hair it's amazing this is massive right just to make sure you catch the name it is braid maiden is that because of my brace and you will find it on instagram yes or just google it this thing is blowing up right she's brilliant the idea at the core of it is why is plaiting hair mom's responsibility? Yes, actually, you're right. I didn't think of that. That's the center of it. A lot of her classes are for dads.

Yeah, because somewhere along the line, it was decided that that's for the girls. Yeah. When it's like literally, this is a fundamental necessity. Yeah. It's a practical thing that does not make you a pounce if you do it it's also bonding it's a real bonding experience for the dad and the girl and it's great for the girl to not think it's only mommy you can do my hair look she's a massive success her idea has been a massive success and even just yesterday i don't know if you'd follow laura whitmore another

person who i think is one of the nice people in the world. She gifted her husband. And you can have Anas come to your house if you live in the UK. And him and a few of his friends, they all had those weird heads that I'm actually quite afraid of. Anas has so many heads. Like girls world heads. Girls world heads. She's so many of them.

With hair coming out the back. And she brings them with her and she shows them all these different techniques. And no joke by the end of the hour they'll all do it all can do it it's unbelievable

it is very special so I would direct him to braid maidens on behalf of all the men involved here going oh Jesus now that's more work for me

if I do this now I learn how to plait now I'll be expected to do it the whole time you have no idea how many brownie points are available yeah like this is better than not waking up your wife in the morning yeah i posted this on instagram this week that uh women are being woken up by their husbands routinely. For sexy time. Yeah. Well, I maintain that's the reason for it, right?

It's because all men have the fantasy of being woken up for sexy time. And that is not most women's fantasy. Their fantasy is uninterrupted sleep. Yeah. Or another fantasy is, imagine I came down and her hair was plaited sleep. Yeah. Or another fantasy is imagine I came down and her hair was plaited already. Like, they're going to be like, you did that.

Yeah. Like, if you went off on the sly, got Braid Maidens, took a Braid Maidens online course, learned how to plait, and then one morning didn't wake her up, put coffee by the bed,

and plaitatted her hair i mean yeah the brownie point bonanza you're gonna hit right you're onto something here but also i wanted you to do because anis was actually our neighbor in england and i love her i miss her so much if you wanted me to learn to play your hair yeah not mikey's hair yeah well obviously mikey's hair is never long enough to plait. But I really wanted Jarla to do the... Wouldn't do it. You didn't have time. But there's still time, Jarla,

because there's online courses. Anyway, it sounds like we're plugging Anna's... Well, it's the answer to his question. Yeah, it is the answer to his question. And she's amazing. And she's not just for Dad. She's for Mom. She's for kids.

She's for grandparents. And she's lovely. I love her. And for this Dad, I love that he admits that like i do feel like i'm walking through the world and the other side opens my kid's 13 and i still feel like i barely i'm so tired the last week that kind of foggy hungover fatigue um i definitely come out of it at times but like you, you're not alone, pal. No.

And maybe he is an alone parent, though, because, you know, it's a lot. And it is a big, like, it's something you didn't think was a big problem. But actually, if you're doing your little girl's hair every day, it can be a nightmare. Like, the amount of parents I've had turn up to school who just throw the hairbrush at me and some bobbins because they're like, you deal with that. I can't get her to do her hair. Yeah is a big issue in houses wow i learned to do my hair pretty fast because my mother used to take out her bad mood on my ponytail no yeah she did yes and i bet she wasn't the only one yeah yeah yeah yeah so i'm finding myself out on these runs go preparing for london marathon did i mention i'm running a marathon london marathon april 21st running it for kidney care uk if you want to donate towards my cause i would love that because honestly this is this one of the hardest things

i've ever done yeah you've done two marathons easy and this marathon is redonkulous i mean every time you go out for your long run i've had to come and collect you because you haven't made it home made it home um that's a worry i think you'd have to say i mean parenting wise it's the equivalent of every time uh you're trying to put the kid to bed i find you sitting in the garden this is like the long run is the most fundamental part of it getting the kids to bed is the most fundamental part of parenting because it's their rest do you know i still remember how awful i was as a kid i think it's so funny that we do this parenting podcast and I'm always advising parents on how to get their kids to bed I remember the pure joy I used to take from having my dad put me back to bed me waiting a few minutes going to the top of the stairs shouting daddy daddy daddy

and when he'd come out eventually go what I go love you run back into bed I used to do that like 100 times a night i just remembered there i didn't mean to interrupt your story but i totally just that sounds like an email we'd get yeah i put her to bed and then she comes in screams my name yeah i have to get up from the couch yeah he's tired too i love you and then goes back to bed yeah and then i do it again well it'd be worse if'd said, where'd you be if I hadn't called you? That would have been brilliant. If only I knew you then.

Well, I've lost my train of thought and clearly what I was saying wasn't that important. Sorry for interrupting. I'm getting so good at the passive aggressive emotional abuse shit. So get ready, Tina. Okay, so let's get to it question number two hi jarlet and tina new listener to your podcast where have you been i am currently married i love it's not currently married we're all imagine you said that this is my current wife although we did get a question this morning from one of our friends on,

have you been to anybody's second wedding yet? So I didn't understand what that question was. Were they people that are married getting married again? No, to other people. Getting married to new people. Yeah. No, haven't been one of them yet. Yet.

I might be at my own home. Give us time. Oh, Jesus. If you're lucky. New listener to your podcast where have you been i am recently married not currently married and in the process have gained two new to me children nine and a five-year-old boys the youngest is just what he is a five-year-old that is loving, adorable, and not so often has the occasional meltdown. The oldest was good until we got married and I moved in.

He frequently has meltdowns, throws tantrums, breaks things in the house, has stolen money out of my wallet, refuses to go to school, has actually struck his mother, and out of anger and repeatedly screams at us. Oh, God. I feel like the issue is several things.

So a list what I feel and hope there's some advice that can be given that can help. Holy moly. What an email so far. Thank you for sharing this because you're definitely not the only person going through this. And also this poor little kid though. He's obviously very confused. Right. So he says here, this kid idolizes his father who can't and he can't get over the fact that he and my wife will not be together.

And feels like I'm the reason that his dad and mom won't be together. Fair enough. Again, very common. Very common. He feels like I'm taking his mom from him. He was never made to be responsible for his actions before now. So now I'm making him clean up after himself. And his mom is also enforcing this.

So he feels like his whole life is changing obviously you're a big ogre this is the thing yeah oh here we go i spanked him once because he got very unruly and broke two televisions threw a ceramic figurine at his mam and hit her in the head with it probably not my finest hour as a parent and his dad found out about it and called me a child abuser now the child says i'm an abuser i'm sorry for this long email but i'm at my wits end and this and with sand with this kid any advice would help me well first of all i have to say off the top i don't think it's ever okay i can't okay the fact that you spanked your kid i don't think he's proud of it yeah but still you gotta avoid that you it's done now yeah but it's not okay jar yeah i'm

not saying it's okay and neither is he he's saying it's obviously a massive but like i feel like you know fair enough you want to come into the you have come into his home you know the little kid's home that he shared with his mother and his brother before you got married to his mother that's a huge change he's been used he's had to get used to his dad leaving that house his mom meeting someone else and them getting married and then moving it moving in so she's obviously been quite respectful to her boys and tried to make it as easy as she can but still it hasn't been an easy enough transition for this guy because he's nine years old and he feels invaded his space has been invaded by this person that he doesn't love yet.

You know, his mom loves this person, but he doesn't love him yet. He loves his dad and he wants his family back together. These are all very reasonable things for that child to be angry about. So if I was to give this man any advice, it would be, I really think while it's a nice idea to have him doing chores and taking responsibility in the house, pause that, put it on a shelf and work on your relationship with him first. You've got to find a way for him to like you. Like when we're in teacher training college, the first thing they tell you is make those kids fall in love with you so that they think you're the best part of their day and they'll do what you say.

He's come into the house and he's given out orders and changing everything. No kid is going to react well to that. is going to react well to that. Now, I get that this kid is being angry and unruly, but he did say at the start of the email, these are all new behaviours that have only started since he moved into the house. So he has to take responsibility for the fact that that kid wasn't prepared enough for the change and that he's making too many changes too fast.

And this kid is acting out because he's unhappy, frustrated and doesn't know what's going on so in what you're saying there to me there's a lack of unity right right so mom and the new the new dad yeah i think they need a really clear line on what they're saying here because i feel like it's not been made clear that it's not me wading in over the top but he said she has his back but he but this is the point there's like the when he said they're of the opinion that i took her yeah so she hasn't made it clear along the way oh i think there's a lot of things that have not been said they need more open discussion but i really feel like fair enough come in with rules down the way yeah but right now

you're settling into their home and i get that maybe you're paying bills and you're a big guy in the house but these kids are adjusting to having another dad in their life go easy on this is really good tina because I think that's quite going to be a hard one for this guy to take in because at the end of the day he probably he's going to only get his own childhood to go back right so he's saying I'm how I was happy as a kid because I knew where I stood I knew what the rules were yeah but this kid's been messed about not on purpose obviously it's very unfortunate when marriages break down. But he's had to live through his dad not living in the house anymore,

his family crumbling. I mean, this guy has a lot of work to do because he has spanked this child. Like this child, there's no way this child has any warm feelings towards him. He's got to really do a lot of work. I would suggest in that house they need to do family meetings so that there's a fairness, an air of fairness comes into the house

where they all agree on things, where mummy talks, maybe talks about the fact that I know this has been a big change. This is all very different. We want our house to be a happy house. We want you to know that your dad is still in your life this guy is not replacing your dad but he is going to be your stepdad and this could

be really nice we just all have to work together and then i really think that him and that little boy are going to need to do some fun things together and then you know down the road if they continue the family meetings eventually they can go okay this family meeting we want to start taking responsibility for ourselves within the house we want people to have jobs let's all think of three jobs that we think are acceptable for us to do within the house and let's let's try and make it that this is a house that participates in everyone having an active role but like coming in hard like it's just not going to work the kids it's just going to get worse because that kid is just going to resent you and you need you need

like he deserves he deserves a chance he's a like if he was not behaving like this before i'm sorry you're the problem because you didn't prepare him properly you've come in and you've changed too much and he's acting out because who wouldn't what about the abuser accusation what what do you do with that well that's a tough one because obviously the husband is happy to give out about this dad i mean i think that's he did hit the kid he's obviously not an abuser but he did hit the kid and that's not okay but i think that's one for the mom to have a talk with the kid about and maybe at some point when the relationship is a bit better he needs to apologize for that it's a really tough one because you you can imagine that like a threshold's been crossed you know, yeah. I would say that kid doesn't like him.

Yeah. So you say make him fall in love and you said fun activities. Like this is going to be, this is like, we have to believe it's possible. Yeah, well, it's so easy with kids, especially if he's still only nine.

Like, what do you need to do with that kid? Pay him the odd compliment? Tell him that you, oh, I really appreciate your help with this. Oh, I saw how you were with your brother today. It was really cool to see you do that. I see you're making an effort. I really appreciate it. I mean, just all these things will make him think,

oh, you're not so bad. Kids are so easy. That's why it's awful when they're taken advantage of, because that little boy just wants love if you give it to him he will receive it there's a bit of work to do here now obviously he's acting out a lot from the authoritarian take a break take a break from trying to be in charge in that house you've come into their home let them settle into the idea flippin hell it's a really common problem because it's like it's a

it's a cliche in movies you're not my real dad you know it's a real common problem yeah and i'd imagine you can find quite a lot of help yeah i'm glad you brought that up because i feel like mom should go to the school counselor that kid needs to talk to somebody yeah he's got so much anger he needs someone to listen to what he's angry about because you know he's only a little guy yeah and just allowing him the space to vent um uh would just like i mean we listened to somebody talk about jealousy today. And we were like, I just thought you need to talk to somebody about that. Yeah.

And these feelings this kid has, he might not act out the way he is if he's feeling heard somewhere. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. absolutely yeah so even just a cursory glance through amazon there's so many books on being a stepdad my stepdad for girls uh that seems to be a big one uh there's just oh my god there's just dozens and dozens of books on this okay and similarly i would imagine tiktok and youtube are going to have channels specifically for stepdads attempting. Like, I'm sure this guy's not going to have liked my answer, but I will always think of the child. That's my job.

And for me, you've come in too hard and heavy. This is the book that I think they're recommending. The Step Parents Parachute, The Four Cornerstones of Good Step Parenting by Tom Thorne. That's an easy find and has a ton of really good reviews there. So even just educating yourself around that, maybe probably back up a lot of what you're saying, Tina, that there's a time in the future for you to lay down laws. But establish the relationship first big time you know in the last question we talked about a threshold being crossed or a glass ceiling being broken a line crossing breach i definitely think cursing uh yeah growing up that like the day you told your parents to f off for the first time now i never did it oh i did never actually told them to f off

but that is that's a that's a line right that's a point at which it're like, well, I've told my parents to F off. You did it multiple times. Not multiple times, but I remember one time telling my mother to F off and running and thinking, I'm actually quite a fast runner. I can say this more often. I'm actually very fast. I might give this running a go. This cursing and running. Oh, I knew not to do the cursing again.

Jesus. There's nothing worse than sitting in the only room in the house that has a key, which in our house was the toilet. Sitting on the toilet knowing that whenever you leave, you're going to get the wooden spoon. That was 80s parenting. And thank goodness we've all gone. We only use them for bacon now.

Well, hopefully. God, there's enough houses where it's still happening. Do you think so? I hope not. I am probably proof of what happens when you never get a slap. I know. I couldn't believe you never got a slap. Not a finger.

Now, I know my brothers and sisters did. But not the youngest darling boy. And controversially, I always say, you could have done with a few slaps. I think I could. I agree. I don't agree with it at all, but in your case, in the 80s, you needed a view.

No, I mean, you've given me enough emotional digs since we met. Oh, that's not true. You got me in line. Like, I was so confident before I met you. Yeah, you are lacking in the confidence I was so confident before I met you yeah you did you are lacking in the confidence yeah

looks into the distance this final email just I love it so much because caring little kids curse I just love it

remember your nephew was so cute wearing me fucking socks fucking this fucking that and he was your dad was he was only two and he wasn't actually saying that much he was a he was very he was a very quiet child yes but he adored your dad yeah and your dad cursed a lot but he thought it was an adjective yeah he didn't know he was cursing he wasn't frustrated with his socks no

no he was literally going wear me fucking He wasn't frustrated with his socks. No, no, no. He was literally going where are my fucking socks, mom? Where are my fucking shoes? Where are my fucking coats? He thought everything had a book in front of it. Tina and Jar, please help my potty mouth kid.

My five-year-old son is using a lot of undesirable language, which words? Say them. While playing with his three-year-old brother oh he doesn't get his way i mean we all did that for example when playing with his brother he will often say stinky poo poo

head oh my god that's the same as calling him the c word this is so cute i mean stinky poo poo head continue like that's basically that's low sure he's saying his brother's head is made out of shit awful stuff charlotte or punchy punchy oh this is very cute repeatedly punch punchy are you saying what he wants to do what was it uh my other niece says uh slow coach yeah that's a big insult that's the cutest thing come on slow coach naughty uh anyway he says it in a nasty teasing voice and can be passive aggressive at times he'll say things like stinky mama or slappy mama when he's asked to do something he's not happy or doesn't get his way he'll gesture to try to squeeze my arm in an aggressive way i'm sorry for laughing i'm sorry i guess that this is a serious issue

sorry for that because if you can't get your kid to stop doing something like this it does escalate yeah of course he's fine this is a really important name he's quite big i'll always warn him i want him to stop speaking like that and warn him there will be a consequence that's pretty good he usually does continue and will often try to change the word to a rhyming word oh clever child said pinky foo-foo head that's very clever what's wrong with that she might have a little poet on her hand his evening this evening it happened at bedtime so it took a page off his story. Oh, he didn't get closure on the tale that you were reading him. I'm not making light of this, but like that is a good consequence.

Yeah, no, no. I like that. That's a brave consequence, too, because he might be crying to bed. We've got a page taken off this. I think that's a great consequence. I hope she didn't take the page out. He gets upset. But then it will happen again.

Any advice? he gets upset but then it will happen again any advice well i am so sorry that i find your email incredibly cute me too i mean he could be saying a lot worse things yeah i think what might be a nice idea for you though is that he seems to be attracted to language, right? He's having fun and experimenting with words. So what I would say to you is not get on board with the stinky, stinky poo-poo head, but I would definitely get on board with seeking out some rhymes and songs and stuff, silly songs that you can share together, you know. Then I would also suggest he needs to work on his feelings. He needs to get better at expressing himself i thought you were gonna say straight away that like he's just

venting yeah he he has he needs better frustration he he's not quite sure he's reacting with anger he's not quite sure how to articulate how he's feeling he's going straight to the thoughts he's having like but you need to work on his feelings, definitely. You need to say things to him like, instead of giving out to him for what he said, you need to say, I can see that you're getting angry. I'm sorry that you're feeling so angry. What is making you feel angry?

And get him to talk about it, get him to think about it. That's quite hard when there's another kid who's crying, going i know like do you take him out of the room for that well it depends if the other child is safe fair enough but like i mean i don't think there's anything wrong with doing that in front of the other kid because you're modeling what you want that kid to do too i mean so you say i see you're angry yeah I can I can see you're angry something happened something has happened to make you feel angry tell me I will listen let's fix it together sometimes when you say to a kid who's in that state I can see that you're angry they're so relieved because they don't quite know how to tell you or what they're feeling so they will

that can be enough for them to just snap out obviously i think you know books like the color monster i know i'm always banging on about the color monster but it is a great book for this age you could read it with both of your children explain the color monster again the color monster is just a beautiful pop-up book about a monster who is very mixed up about his feelings so on different pages of the books he's different colors and it explains that you know sometimes you know when he's red he's really angry right and how it feels to be angry and when he's green he's really calm and then at the end he's all the colors and he says sometimes i just feel so mixed up i don't know how to feel and it's just really good because children that is how children feel sometimes and then there's little exercises in it where they can you know talk about

the color they're feeling if they can't quite get the word or the emotion they can say you know i'm feeling a bit blue i'm feeling a bit brown you know so the color monster that is not it the color monster i know it's not i get that the book that I'm looking at does not have the Color Monster written on it. But thanks for straightening that out, Tina. Sorry. So the book Color Monster is available everywhere, obviously. But the book that seems to be doing really well at the moment on this very subject is called Listening to My Body. Oh, fab.

I don't know that one. on this very subject is called listening to my body oh fab i don't know that one but it's all a guide to helping kids understand the connection between their sensations what the heck are those and feelings so they can get better at figuring out what they need now this thing has nearly five thousand five star reviews by gabby gar Fantastic. We may even grab a copy ourselves. I love to hear new books. I mean, I saw this gorgeous reel on Instagram the other day of a mom who's obviously armed her kids with being able to express their emotions and calm themselves down.

It sounds so highfalutin, but it's not. No, and it was so cute because the mother of these tiny little boys was telling them, what you're doing is making me feel angry and they were like mom you need to breathe and i was like turning it on them and that is what happens with kids they learn the skill and they will use it on you and you have to be ready to embrace that and practice what you're trying to teach them let's grab a copy of this because the back cover of this book as i said

listening to my body by gabby garcia says the more i practice listening to my body the better i get at responding with care and kindness for myself i mean this is a book of bleeding grown-ups need help your child build on their capacity to engage more mindfully self-regulate and deepen their sense of well-being you can also visit listening to my body.com for their downloadable resources that accompany the book that's brilliant this one does sound like a game changer we'll grab a copy ourselves well that it does sound amazing but the color monster is quite pretty and the children kind of interacted guys that's our show for the free platforms but come on over to patreon.com forward slash irishmanabroad where we're going

to talk about those parents that are feeling overwhelmed those that are feeling like this is not what i signed up for if you ever feel that and you need somebody to empathize then i have a feeling our next two emails over on patreon.com forward slash irishman abroad in the extended cut of our episode is what you will need i think we also have a question about moms and mom friends moms and mom friends that I found really interesting and related hard to okay so that's the

the politics of the playground or the pickle hmm that's gonna be great as I say every single week there's an extended cut

an extra chunk of material eh five or a month is the price eh nice coffee and in return

we will be able to keep making this show like I'd love to keep making this show yeah but we can't

without that support unfortunately there are overheads and expenses that come with doing this in terms of hosting and uploading

and all the rest of it we do need your help to do it so if you could and if you're in a position to five euros a month over at patreon.com forward slash irishman abroad you get access to everything all our episodes from all the irishman abroad podcasts and if you can't well maybe somebody here listening now who can well you're paying for those people who can't afford it so thank you so

much for supporting the show for listening to the show and tina thank you so much for all your expertise