Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Does My Kid Have Friends? Why Won't My Kid Eat? Why Has My Toilet Trained Kid Regressed?

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Whether you're toilet training, navigating a teen's feelings of isolation or just trying to get your kid to stop being such a picky eater - this is the episode for you. Parenting is flipping hard but we are not in it on our own. Hearing the troubles of others can help. Having 20 years experience helping parenting of children with severe behavioural issues, Tina is here to help. And Jarlath is here to read out the emails!Question 1 What do you do if you’re toilet training your toddler, you do everything right and they still regress? Do you bang your head off the wall and get the nappies back out or do you change it up and start again.  There's a bit more to it than that.Question 2- Do we ever stop worrying about our kids and their friendships? It’s extra tough if your child isn’t a sharer. Without any info it's tempting to go straight to panic? Worrying that your kids are lonely, isolated and withdrawn is so common. Is there a way to gain insight into their day? How do you get them to share their private life and keep some of your worries at bay?Question 3- Picky eaters are the reason so many parents are completely exhausted by bedtime. They spend energy they don’t have trying to prepare a healthy meal and it’s met with refusal time after time. How do you stop this pattern from gaining ground in your home? "Tina’s Tapas" have come to the rescue again. Listen in to see how this process works. We love getting your emails. Keep them coming. No parenting issue is too big or too small for Honey You’re Ruining Our Kid. Email us at [e-mail]. If you want to hear more why not head over to our Patron and listen to our extra bits. Thank you for listening in and supporting our podcast. www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad

Welcome back to honey you're ruining our kids the parenting podcast with myself Jarlathrekin and my wife Tina. Here she is. Tina first question straight out the gate. Okay. What do you do when you feel like your kids playing you? This isn't an email we've received but I think everybody's felt that sensation of I think he's doing this on purpose. You can't say it to him, they'll be like oh really you think your two month old has figured you out. He is just a little, he's an innocent child would you just let him, you're always with the conspiracy theories. Yeah it's so so funny. Oh, you're very tired. How would he have figured you out?

Or you were as bad yourself. Yeah, I guess the positive is if you do feel like your child is figuring you out, or she is very smart. That's a pretty weak positive. He's very cunning. Good for us. We have a duplicitous child. I know, right? Pretty weak, positive. He's very cunning. Good for us. You have a duplicitous child. He'll be excellent use when he's working in the criminal underworld.

I mean, having your kid play you to manipulation is part of the game. Like we're manipulating them. They learned to manipulate so early. They didn't lick it off the floor. You know, you're making deals with them. Yeah. They're sussing it out, right? Was it my nephew who said to me, are you a deal maker? Are you a deal maker?

Yeah. That was incredible because it was like, he was like, can I cut a deal with you on this food that you're insisting I eat? Are you a deal maker? What kind of a deal? Yeah. Would you be interested in a deal with you on this food that you're insisting I eat. What kind of a deal? Would you be interested in a deal of some sort? And I was like, no, I don't make deals with little guys. Becomes less cute, like all things in their teens. Oh, my God. Yeah.

It's been a wild week in terms of kids this week and particularly here in Ireland, where the budget, this bonanza budget that I'm not sure if our listeners are broader aware of. Basically, Apple set up headquarters here in Ireland on the understanding that, no, you won't even need to worry about the tax lads. You come over here, the client, I'm telling you, you won't pay a penny tax. We will sort that out. And Apple bought it hook, line and sick. They're like, that's crazy. I don't know. They're not a Canadian tax, we will sort that out. And Apple bought it, Huckline and Sicker, they're like, that's crazy. I don't know, they're not a Canadian company. But that's the accent I went for.

Arran did that without checking in with the EU. Would that be okay? Yeah, we just stopped, put the money away. Don't be giving us any of your tax money. That's fine. Then eventually, and this ruling came out quite recently, the EU were like, no, I'm not sure you can do that. I think they're gonna have to pay you $14 billion in back taxes. And Ireland said, no, we don't want that. No, we don't want that. They actually went to court to say,

now we're not interested in that money, no. We have an understanding. Yeah, so it's hilarious. Ireland's being forced to accept this money. And you'd have to say that there's definitely some government officials in there who are like, we have to pretend we don't want it. Right. Yeah. Now, there's definitely another fella who's like, no, no, we really don't want it.

But it really is a magic wand. It could fix everything. But I was maintaining that the reason they didn't want it was because once you've got 14 billion dollars in your back pocket you can't go out for pints without everybody expecting you're paying for these pints. Yeah we can't fix the housing crisis. Why not? You've got more money than people in the country. It is no coincidence that just the other week it emerged that the government had spent three hundred and sixty six thousand on a bike shelter, not a bike shed, a yoke that you put your bikes into and they're covered over from the rain.

Three hundred and sixty six thousand. And you can be guaranteed that news came out same week as this 14 billion. So the people were like, well, what are you talking about? And really, are we going to argue? They had more money than a cent in there. One of the big things that came out of this budget was that they were going to spend nine million of our precious tax dollars on

pouches for kids to put their phones into at school. Magnetic pouches, just like when you go to a Dave Chappelle concert and he doesn't want you filming them. Yeah. Stick it in the pouch gets released at the end of the day. And I never got to tell you this, but I brought this up with our kid when you were in the shop this morning. OK. I wanted to see what his take on it was. What his reaction was.

His honest to God reaction was, would they not lean more towards encouraging us to have self control? Wow. And I was like, that's so mature. And of course, phones are going nowhere. Are you acting like I didn't say this yesterday? Yeah, but you have said this. But I've been banging on about this. But it is amazing that he said it.

Yeah, he came to this on his own. And I was like, yeah, they don't trust you at all. Yeah, so last night I was in Nice, shout out to all the Kildare Massive. We were in Nice for so long because our car got locked into the garage. We were in a whole debacle. Oh, my God, we're so tired. Parking a multi story that says all day parking outside. And then you realize, oh, I mean, Kildare were all day means five o'clock

to the end of the day. Yeah. And but we discussed this pouches thing because people are up in arms over this. That is like nine million of our euro should not be spent on magnetic pouches. If there wasn't such a homeless problem, I'd be like, yeah, OK, but there's people on the streets. But Mikey's right, there is a need for self-control. But the reality is we as parents, we can't guide our kids on this

because we're on our phones the whole time. I think they should give magnetic pouches. You know the way they sent those tablets out that time? What were they? Ionide tablets or something? Iodine tablets. Iodine. In case this is another one for people abroad who won't know this. The government once sent every home in Ireland

and one iodine tablet to share in case there is a nuclear weapons strike on the country. That tablet knew be around the country, that time wouldn't you be around? Yeah, that happens. Do you think we should be sent to the pouches? Oh yeah, send them to us. Send them to the houses. Help the parents. Imagine you could take your jobs from them and be like, it's in the pouch.

It's in the pouch, yeah. It's a lot of time locked. Do you know who I feel sorryest for in all of this? No. The fella who makes the pouches. Oh, he's given. He got the news, lads. A lot of good 9 million, you're off the. Do you know how much these pouches cost?

They're 15 cents to make. The government's given us nine million. And then the next day, Liz, it looks like we're not going to get the nine million because the government shouldn't have spent that much if we'd only charged them what they cost. It's a really interesting topic because it comes up on this show all the time. How do you get the kid off the phone? I hate the phone. I know. I hate it. But we have a life hack. We have a life hack. What is it? Tell me. Well this week we did set up the screen time monitor. I'll disable that. You're incorrect in terms of he is. He is disabled the snooze time. Yes, that screen time monitoring is different. Oh, OK. This tells you how much time you've been on.

And everyone will know this because you get a screen time report at the end of each week. He is so competitive with himself in terms of lowering his time. I feel like that's all bullshit. I hope he never listens to this podcast. He's the whole time going, are we being played? I think we're being played because that kid is so freaky when it comes to figuring things out. He has done this to us our whole life. We have set up timers on his Wii and whatever he plays.

He knows how to reprogram it to only look like that's how much he plays. He knows how to reprogram it to only look like that's how much he plays. That was a timer that had a parent password on it. Do you know what he did, guys? He's gonna kill us. He reset the clock. He reset the clock! He's so clever!

The fecking machine didn't know whether it was coming or going. Yeah, I feel like he's done the same when it's not. Like he's the whole time going, oh, I can't believe I was only on my phone for seven minutes today. Bullshit. Your Duolingo takes more than seven minutes. She's just flipped over the desk. I just feel like he's lying to us again. I have a little more faith in him than you.

No, well, you shouldn't. That's where you're wrong. It's so funny that this is coming up because our first question of the day is a question over whether a parent is being played Do you think she's being played? Yeah, I think she's got a very very clever kid in her hands here Keep the emails coming in honey. You're rooting your kid at gmail.com. Let's go Teenager, I hope you're keeping well. I love the podcast keep the good work. I'm looking for advice I'm currently trying to toilet train a three year old. We started at the end of June with the older kids finished school,

so we're now three months in. First two weeks were super. And by day three, we have very few accidents. He understood the urge to go, which was obviously the key, right? And he went himself. He was delighted with himself. That's incredible. I gave him a Smartie each time we had a successful peer-peer.

One single Smartie. That's enough. That's enough. It's beautiful. Yeah. However, uh-oh. Since week three, it has been a tough one. It's like the novelty's worn off. He's lost interest in wearing the underwear. He mentions going back into nappies.

He keeps asking for smarties even though he's had an accident. And obviously I am trying to wean him off them. The novelty of being a big boy is well over. Look, I feel his pain. The novelty of being a grown up big boy is well and truly over for me too. But this is this is a tough one, Tina. And I bet there's people tuning in and perking up now going this is our scenario. Yeah. And this is obviously one that Tina's an awful lot of experience in having gone to homes to help with this process.

She continues, saying, we have numerous accidents daily now. He doesn't necessarily flood himself and sometimes he will go to the potty but his underwear is wet. Will we there anyway? I explained to him that we need to get there sooner and started a reward system where he gets a little bowl for every time he has dry underwear and has a wee and then we get so then when we get so many in the jar of the little balls, he will get an ice cream, etc. This is a good old. Yeah, this woman understands reward systems and the visual needs. Yeah, child has to filling up.

She concludes he again was excited, but after a few days, lost interest. Typical man. Oh, he's nice, adorable. Please help. I don't know where to go from here. This is just the email we're looking for, guys. When you're really at the end of your tether, this is where to come. I don't know what to do. I try not to give in or give him loads of attention.

But I've got frustrated at times and I swear, I think he knows. He knows that it's getting to me with his little smile and promising. Next time they will be trying. Any advice? Greatly appreciated. I know I'm giggling away there, but that's only because I know that help is around the corner. Yeah, but also, you know, it is incredibly cute. And when it's not your own kid, you can see the cute side of it.

But when it is your kid, you're just exhausted and you're like, but also, you know, it is incredibly cute. And when it's not your own kid, you can see the cute side of it. But when it is your kid, you're just exhausted and you're like, come on, I can't keep doing all this washing and changing you. Now, especially when you kind of had scaled Everest. And you know he knows what to do because he's already done it. So that is so frustrating. Very tough.

Here are the simple things I think she's doing wrong that she needs to stop doing. I hope it's OK to say wrong. First of all, he might be doing the little wets because he gets one on one time with mum. We know the kids will seek out that one on one time, that down to their level eye contact. More than anything else in the world. That's going to mean more to him than the smarties and the balls in the ice cream. Having that time with mom. More than one time available through wedding.

Through wedding. Well, you know, my mom has to help me and she's with me at those times. And like, it's not that I'm saying he consciously thinking that, but subconsciously somewhere, unconsciously, he has realised this is how I get my mum to me. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, I always see that all the time. It's very hard to explain that to parents.

Like, I'm not saying your child is devious or anything. I'm just saying negative attention. We tend to give them more. It's a human need for attention. I'm convinced that half these people that are banging on about how there's a conspiracy this and there's a. I do not know what you're going to say next. I really didn't. Like loads of people are just enjoying that it gets a reaction. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And then you get kind of addicted or you definitely children definitely grow to enjoy that. I've got to get that again.

So simply all she needs to do here, like she's doing so many things right. And she already knows in her heart she knows how to do it. When he does wet or have an accident, don't give eye contact. Don't talk. I'm not saying be mean or cold. You definitely have to protect and mind your child. Do not give eye contact. Do not talk.

Give him his clothes. Let him change himself. Off you go. He's old enough to be putting on his own pants. He needs to develop those independent skills. And conversely, when he does it successfully. Oh, absolutely. And she's very good. She's already in tune with the HIO positive reinforcement. She's giving him the smarties, even the visual collection of the balls that he's working towards something.

She is positively reinforcing him. Where she's going wrong is that she is also giving him this negative attention, unknowing to herself. So I would say, first things first, when he does a wash, don't react, don't say anything. Just give him his clothes, let him tidy himself up. He's probably not gonna be able to get his clothes in the washing machine. You can go pick them up. Say nothing about it.

And he will quickly realise that's not as much fun anymore. I actually don't like that feeling. Reminds me an awful lot of your advice around the kid that won't stay in their bed. Yeah, like it's all about making it, making that more boring, that interaction like, oh, do I really want to have that interaction? Has to be less crack. And yeah, it has to be less crack. And that was why I was going to say if she feels that's not enough,

way more less crack than that is introducing a timer. Telling that kid, OK, I know you know how to go toilet, but something's happened and you're not really remembering. So until you start remembering, every time this timer goes off, mommy's gonna have to bring you to check. And we're gonna have to do it every single time. Uh oh, the timer's gone off, let's go check.

Okay, no we, that's okay. I'll reset the timer. Oh look, you did a wee, yay. But we still have to set the timer because you're still not remembering to go by yourself. Kids get so bored of the nightmare of that time. How often do you set the timer? Well, that is something the mommy gush will have to figure out on their own. I would always go 20 minutes.

And when that might be too soon for some people. And when they're sitting on it, you set the time for two. Do you sit with them? Yeah, you stay with them and you're like, we too soon for some people. And when they're sitting on it, you set the time for two minutes. Do you sit with them? Yeah, you stay with them and you're like, we're checking for our pee. But would he not enjoy this more? How do you sit with them? That it's not like this is great fun and getting to sit with my mom. Well, no, because you set the timer.

You don't have to interact. The only time you're going to give them loads is if a wee comes out. Now you're like, you're on the toilet. You're doing your wee. This is fantastic. Brilliant. But we have to set the timer until you're going to give them loads is if a wee comes out. They're like, you're on the toilet. You're doing your wee. This is fantastic. Brilliant. But we have to set the timer until you start going yourself. They get so bored of the timer. It is such a nuisance to them that they're like, oh, look,

I'll just go to the toilet when I need to go. So how frequently have you seen this work? The timer, if you're consistent, that works every time. Game changer. That is how you mentioned how I used to go into people's houses. That was how I did it. The timer. Wow. Every 20 minutes.

You can give them a book while they're in the toilet. You can set the time for two minutes, close the book, off you get. Just keep it very like you're doing a job. You know. People must, when you went into their houses, they must have really been like, well, if you can do this, you're a better woman than me because... Well, those poor parents, like when I was doing that, that was for severe and profoundly

disabled and intellectually and physically disabled children. And their parents just didn't think those kids were ever going to be able to be out in nappies. Now, some children who are in wheelchairs, that is tricky. If they're severe and profoundly disabled, that's just not going to be able to be out in abbeys. Now, some children who are in wheelchairs, that is tricky. They're, if they're severe and friendly disabled, that's just not going to happen. But with other kids who had just had profound autism, their parents were like, he's never, they're never going to get it. And that was game changing for them because with everything, when a child is toilet trained for whatever reason, their independence blossoms, not just in their physicality, their speech develops, everything. It's a total game changer for children. And that's why

early year professionals are saying to moms, there's a bit of a trend, like this mom is on it. He has not started preschool yet. I had a year in early years where half my class were nappies. And I was like, what are you guys doing? You have to get these kids out of nappies. This is the trend. This is the trend. They're leaving them later and later and later because there's something about, well, the child will just stop wearing nappies.

But actually, you are halting their development because no matter, no matter who that kid is, you toil it around him, you'll see an explosion in languages, an explosion in independence. It changes their whole being because it makes them feel more grown up. Wow. So I hope this helps. I'm sure it has. And I'm sure it's helped others.

It has to be said that mom's doing a great job. I love Gollum. And look, thoughts and prayers to everybody out there right now, going through this. There's going to be accidents. It's going to happen. There's going to be accidents. There's going to be accidents, but it is going to happen. Yeah. I will never forget you doing it in our house for our son.

And I thought it was too, he was too young and he blew my mind. Well, he was great. But like that, I did it with the timer and he got so pissed off with that timer. Oh he did yeah. And he wasn't even too. We have photos of him in a Superman cape. On the body every 20 minutes he was like ok I got this man. Because head in the chance going look you know what I am a busy guy. I can't be making time for this timer.

I will just go to the toilet when I need to go. I will just go to the toilet when I need to go. See, Tina was a townie and I was a country boy. That's the simple fact. Yeah, a town mass here, a country. You're such a townie, like you were like hanging around town. I'll stroll home whenever. Like I was literally on a commute. I was a commuter.

Yeah. For a lot of my secondary school, I cycled to the station, got a train and walked two miles to the school from there and then I had to do that back in the evening. Like it wasn't, you know, the worst thing in the world but it definitely meant the hangout after the thing wasn't available to me a lot of the time. Yeah, that's true. I was so envious of the kids that hung.

Yeah, I was hanging out all the time. I eventually did, but it was always with the proviso of my daughter to collect me. And I had to somehow get to a payphone. It sounds so archaic now. When you're a townie though, when you walk home, the walk can sometimes take longer than it can be because you bump in. You bump in. To everyone.

Yeah. You can't be rude in Navin. You can ignore somebody who you were previously friends with the night before. That still happens in Navin. I love Navin. I'm probably the only Navin person who loves Navin. But honestly, the rudeness of Navin people still get to me. I can't get over the manners and down to earthness, soul to the earthness

of the Caldera people that I've bumped into in the last two weeks. We've been in Caldera so much. We nearly got locked into Caldera forever last night. Bloody nice. Yeah. So this Bresi show last night, let's get this out there. Yeah. Nile Breslin, shout out to Nile Breslin and his Where is My Mind podcast.

Yeah. I went out to do a live episode of it at the Moat Theatre in Mace. Yeah. And you take it away. Well, first of all, we were way too early for the show, which is fine. But I prefer to be early. I'm an early person. The show is very inspiring and Jared, it does a great bit.

Opened up a lot, but it wasn't recorded. So that's cool. Thanks, Tach. That was a safe place. And, and then we go. So the show is really late finishing and we go to go back to our car. Uh, we realize the car park is locked because we meet a lot of very upset women who've gone to see the two ride show that's allowed filming.

Darrell and I'm really two rides. And we realized all our cars are locked. So how quickly you panicked? Well I panicked because I'm a mom and straight away I was like our kid! They'll get onto our kid. What the fuck? And the people who were there were so nice. They were like, you can call the St. Peter's. I was like, you're a stranger. You're a stranger. We're not going to do that.

But Jarlot was like a zen master. Now Jarlot was also wearing a blood pressure monitor. You gotta see, which was hilarious. Blood pressure monitor and a cowboy jacket. Yeah, which was so funny because he was doing this, it happened to be the same day that Brazy's show was on. So he's doing a show about anxiety, wearing a blood pressure monitor. It's like you're literally interviewing the most anxious man in the world. Unstressed day. Check out my blood pressure monitor.

But in this situation, you were Zen master. Like I had given up on life. I was sitting on the curb like, oh my god, we're stuck in Mace forever. Jarrod was like ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. And eventually the answer was, within the hour we'll be there. He turned up 20 minutes later. I have never, I was like, I love you. I have a photo of Tina sitting on the curb, giving me the thing.

What's the? Shit. Well that's because you started. I guess I live on the streets now. You started blaming me. You started saying, you should have read the sign. And I was like, why? I didn't read the sign.

You're the tour manager. It wasn't a tour show. It was not a tour show. It was not a tour show. Anyway, we survived, we're here, but we're so tired. We didn't get to bed to what, two? Of the six?

Well the reason I bring up the hangout, right, is that like the hangout after the show is something that as a comic you're, it is the best bet, but a lot of the time when you're doing your own thing, you just need to get the hell out of Dodge as quick as possible because it's heating into valuable sleep time. And it's an avid of lifetime because as a country kid, the next question relates to how much you want to hang out and whether that says something about something else that was going on. Yeah. Let's hear it anyway. Yeah, a teenager, big fan of the podcast, I'm a mum of three, yeah, almost 15 years old, it's in third year and we live in a small village.

And throughout national school, he seemed very happy. Class of six boys, all very sporty, got on great. He's always been very quiet and reserved, though. It didn't seem to be a problem since he went to secondary school. It seems to have drifted from the national school boys, which in itself is normal enough I guess but the thing is I don't know if he has any friends would he know that the eternal worry what the hell is going on when you let them into school yeah absolutely he goes to football

matches and the boys are there hanging out together and he sits with his dad and the other dads Doesn't go to the discos Meet friends outside school at all When I talk to him, he says he's fine. He reassures me He's happy in school and that he has friends But I don't know who these friends are or if they actually exist He plays online at the weekend, but that's always with one particular cousin.

He doesn't play online with school friends, old or new. The device is a family space so we can hear the chats if we choose to. He does sports outside of school in the local football and soccer clubs, but doesn't seem to hang out afterwards. He's straight into the car, go home, as soon as the whistle blows. He's always been very quiet but now it's just impossible to talk to him. I'm so worried about him and now he's

developing socially, about how he's developing socially and whether he is genuinely happy or not. I'd really appreciate some advice from you guys about how to talk to him or what I can do to support him in this situation. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant email. Incredible email. It's going to hit so many rings, so many bells for so many. Well, we know that because literally everyone we talk to as a kid this age is thinks the exact same thing.

The very odd few were quite happy for their kid to be quiet and not tell them anything But most of the parents are like Are they okay? Is this normal? Does my kid have friends? I mean things first. Let me say this. Yeah How much did you tell your parents everything but that's girls, right? I told them not I would come home from school and I'd be like blah blah blah blah blah this happened I said the whole shemup to my man. Yeah.

I'd go and go up to them. I didn't tell them anything. See, I think this is a, I think it's very tricky and I hate generalizing, but I think it's very tricky for moms sometimes with teenage boys. Because their experience is their teenage girl experience. And anytime we talk to a mom who is a teenage girl. More often than not, they know absolutely everything and they know everything about your child, which can often make you feel even more isolated because you're like, they know stuff about my kid that I don't even know. But I think boys are very quiet people as Darla takes time to get in the sandwich.

I remember when I went on a school tour that went in second year to France, Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium and the bus. Bus of a hundred lads. Oh my God. Across the continent. To where they all bought knives. Oh yeah, everyone was buying knives, pornography, beer, everything. I'm not even messing.

Like it was like, it was just a free for all. I remember being at a pool in Paris and lads getting hopped, seeing people having sex at the side of the pool. Oh my God. None of this information would ever leave my mouth to tell my parents what was going on. I came back and I kept shtum. And I'm trying to think why. When I read this email and I think about these lads now,

and I think some of it was that you knew that there was going to be a hundred follow-up questions. Yeah, I get the bang of that off our kid, and I get that bang of that off my nephews and stuff. It's like, you're only going to wonder, like, oh, you're only going to be at me now. Also I think there's a bang off I couldn't be bothered to tell you. But see, the terrible thing about that is it leads to more worry and I completely understand where this mother's coming from. There are positives here.

Number one, he's still doing social activities. Still taking part in sports and stuff. That's great. He has enough to stop them. Yeah. And if he didn't want to be around people at all, he wouldn't want to do that. Wouldn't do it. Yeah.

Um, I think she should go to the school and get a little window into what her son's day is like. Who are his friends? From the year head, from the tutor. Who are his friends? Who does he talk to? Do you ever see him laughing? Things like this.

Yeah, because we have one example of that specifically that we can't go into. But there was definitely a concern around a kid. And it was only when his brother attended. Oh, yes. And it was like, are you aware that he's really popular and he's got loads of friends? That was the only way they found out. And that was after like two or four years from being in school.

Yeah. So it really can be the secret life of teenagers. Yeah. Well, you hope. Like you hope you cling to that because the worry that this mother is talking about is so big. And I do think it comes down to moms not understanding why boys won't talk to them. Well, for a mention that Tina is like, we were discussing this morning, the need at that age for private time, their private interests, they're discovering what they're into.

Yeah, but the balance of that and rudeness is really tough. Sure. Manners and all of that stuff is, you know, really up for grabs because I hate when people go, there's loads more hormones going on in there. Genuinely, if there's more testosterone in your system, even as a grown man, these athletes that are injecting testosterone are grumpy fuckers. And these young lads have testosterone in the system that is making them cranky. It will eventually balance out. But once it's new and fresh to the system, you're not really getting

your finished product here. Yeah, but you know, they do need to talk and maybe are they not being taught that skill of opening up for something? I don't know. But there are always like, these secondary schools now have these incredible counselors for every year group. I think our kids school has six of them. I think they can request that. And will they? We don't know.

But also Jixle, an incredible resource for parents and your child. It's in most schools now in our country, but there's probably one in wherever your lesson is. But you can go on to Jixle and they have tools and ways of helping you ask the questions. It's a really cool TikTok. Tic-tac, as Darla calls it. Darla actually said that on the radio. The old tic-tac. Sorry, I went very soon.

Tic-tac, yeah. Somebody said, when you hug your teenage son. Oh, don't let him go. Don't be the one to let go of the hug. I've tried this. Oh it did not work. It didn't work at all. I've been doing it and now he's giving me hugs spontaneous whereas before I wasn't having them. I winning. Well done. The amazing thing on this which was that sometimes it feels like when your kid becomes a teenager it feels like they broke up with you.

And that can be particularly the case for moms where they have a little manny who would go out for tea and cakes. A little manny wouldn't let you go toilet by yourself. I mean, these kids were particularly needy and now they're like... We're over. Yeah. Whatever it was we had is done. Can you just get out of my space? Oh my god, you're so annoying.

Oh god. It's so tough. The question is, how can she assess accurately how his life is going in school and privately when the signs seem to be that he wants out as soon as the thing is over? Yeah, she can't. I would say that it is very, very hard, but I also think that we need to familiarize ourselves with exactly how blunt these boys are. How, if you examine

their WhatsApps and how they interact, it is not a, hey guys, what's going on? Ain't nobody do anything this weekend. It's, uh, uh, huh. Yeah. You. Cool. Cool. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it is grunts.

And anything more than that is open for ridicule. So I remember, again, to go back to being the country guy. Being like, guys, should we meet up this weekend? And then being like, Regan, that's gay. Oh my god, Sherry. Yeah, then I was gay to want to meet up. And I was like, but I kind of need to know if we are meeting up or if anyone's watching Motherland, I'm very much Kevin.

Sherry even said she based that character on you. She didn't. It's really mean because she based the Anne on me, which is horrible. These are all lies. She says that to everybody. Sharon Horgan is just ripping the piss out of you. That's all such a... But I get it that like the...

This kid is probably just like all of them. Like how many of them are hanging out after the training? They don't do it anymore. When we were younger, it was a big thing. Now it really is. I think your advice is solid. Get into your ear head. You got it. That's the only way.

They're your insiders. They're the ones who see him socially. They are. And maybe the coaches. And then... The coaches of the team will know in practice, is he a hoot? Is he having a hoot? I'm really turning to my mother.

It'll make them aware of encouraging him more socially. And if there is a problem, then you know, okay, I need outside help. I need outside help, there's something on his mind, we've got to work through this. And unfortunately, it can't be you because they won't listen to you. And it's so heartbreaking.

But that's the truth. You know what's mad about the next question is that it's about kids that are picky eaters and I'm sitting across and married to a picky eater. Charlotte Regan, would you stop telling people things like that? A woman who as a child would only eat chips. Yes, only if we were in a restaurant. At home I had no choice. I'd eat whatever I was given.

Yeah. And you hated every bite. Yes, every single time. And were caught once tipping your plate into the bin when you thought everybody had left the table when they hadn't. Who leaves a three year old on their own? Who does that. Who leaves a three year old on their own? Who does that? Who leaves a three year old on their own? You mindlessly dumped your dinner in the bin because I've been doing it every single night and I've been left alone.

You weren't three. I was three. My sister wasn't born yet. Oh, my God. Yeah. But like you what could have been done to make you less of a picky eater? Make nicer food. Oh shit. Oh shit. Mic drop.

No, and my mom is a great cook. But like children are fussy. Like, I mean, we brought Mikey to a Michelin star restaurant by accident. We did not know that when we got there. He hated the food the other day. That's a Michelin star restaurant. Yeah, Jared did.

That's what that was. Yes, Jared. I wonder they were so annoyed when we didn't show up the day day. That's a Michelin star restaurant. Yeah, Jared. That's what that was. Yes, Jared. I wonder they were so annoyed when we didn't show up the day before. Yeah, I know. I was like, they were so furious with us when we arrived. I don't think they like us. So we were doing two shows in this place that will remain nameless. Let's call it Monte Carlo.

They were great shows. They were great shows. And we had booked in, they had booked us in. Yeah, they booked us in because we'd eaten there last year, just me and Jar. And we were like, holy shit, this is amazing food. It was delicious. Yeah, I have my brace. They did this risotto that was good. We just couldn't make it for 5.15, so we rang ahead and said we want to do it.

Because we have to bring our kid with us everywhere at the moment. Exactly. So we're coming the next day. They're so mad at us. They're like so angry. And they were like, we don't have a children's menu. Because Mikey looked at the adults menu and was like, what is this? We're watching a dozen kids come in with their family. Yeah, there was a party.

Like, what are they going to eat? There was a party, a group of five year olds come in with their grandparents and they're getting menus that are kids menus, but not for our kid. We were like, OK. He was given the fillet. Yeah, because he, honestly, our child does not have expensive taste, but it was literally the only thing

he recognized on the menu. We were like, fuck it, if he eats it, whatever. Devston, jus. And also last year they gave it to us on the house. This year we paid for it. We paid full whack adult prices for everything. I think they charged him for a bottle of wine he didn't drink.

He hated it. Now, I tasted his food. It was melt in your mouth. His beef was like it was like eating skips. I should be a restaurant reviewer. You had me. This beef was so good, it was like skips. He hated it. like, hated it.

He was like barfing and everything. We were like, stop doing that. Is he a picky eater? I don't think he's the worst. Only in comparison to you as a child. For fuck's sake, let's hear this question. How do you guys deal with picky eaters? This listener writes, my son is almost six.

Basically lives off Fruit Loops, My son is almost six, basically lives off fruit loops, egg whites, hot dogs, mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. That's not bad. There's people listening in going, oh, my God, he eats hot dogs. He eats eggs. Egg whites. I mean, it is bad. He also only eats egg whites.

But that's just because he's a healthy guy. Trying to make him lunches for school is so hard. Dinners are so hard too. Yeah. It feels wrong to let him live off these things only. Of course it does. Yeah. Also, it means you have to make those things.

Exactly. While everybody's having dinner, there's another little... Yeah. We tried being strict about it, but he would literally sooner starve than eat something else. Right. He was losing weight. Okay, well that's scary.

And then we had bowel movement issues due to him not eating enough, of course, not enough fiber in those foods. Obviously I can't have that, but I don't know what else to do. He's hardly ever willing to try new things. And when he does, he usually goes, oh, and spits it out. Very good sound effects, Charlotte.

Well, I mean, anyone who's been listening to this podcast knows what I'm going to say next. And this is a game changer. I'm sorry, I don't ever say that about my voice. I'd voice this is your this is a is the advice that Tina gives on this. Yeah. Over and over. Changed our life. My mom told me.

I tell every mom and dad I can. You have to introduce Tapa meals to your house. And what I mean by that is every meal, no matter what it is, don't plate it up. Put everything in separate bowls, leave it out, empty plates, it up. Put everything in separate bowls, leave it out empty plates and allow your child to have choice. We want a controlled situation

where they feel like they're in charge, but actually you are in charge because you're providing the food and providing the opportunity for choice. Always, absolutely always, there has to be something on that table that they're guaranteed to eat because we do not wanna battle the wills here.

We want our children to have food in their stomachs. But what always seems to happen, like 99% of the time, if you keep doing this thing where you put the food in the middle of the table, everything in bowls, spoons, they will try. They will explore the food. They will put it on their plate and they will try, they will explore the food. They will put it on their plate and they will give it a go. The first thing this mom is saying is thinking is right. So let's say I pursue this. Yeah, I have bowls of mac and cheese, mashed potato. Yeah, little chopped up bits of steak, carrots, sweet corn.

You're going to be so hungry. Drizzled in garlic butter. Oh, God. Ruined it. I don't like garlic. Our kid is just going to shovel that mac and cheese onto his plate and go rest, he can have to rest. Yes, maybe the first two times. But it's really, the key here is

not mentioning anything about the new setup. Do not put pressure on the food. No pressure at all. It's all just there and say nothing about it. If he goes into another role and takes them and puts it on his plate, Say nothing. Say nothing about it. Sometimes what can help with this is

like leaving wraps out and filling the wraps and rolling them up or those little boat wraps you can get. Sometimes that can be really fun for the kid to, you know, fill them up and eat. But I mean, this works. It works every time. It has eventually you can phase it out once they've been gotten very explorationary about their food. You can just phase it out and go back to one dinners for your whole family. But putting the food out, taking the pressure off, do not introduce any level of control to your family eating because you will create problems for your kids. What about this? Do you say now

he shovels all of the mac and cheese onto his plate and nobody else can have it? Doesn't matter. But that's not sharing. Fine. But that's not your goal right now. Your goal right now is not to teach him how to share. Your goal right now is to get him more comfortable at exploring different foods and, you know, experimenting. If he does that the first time and you say nothing,

he's more likely the next time to put something else on his plate too. I mean, it just works. I've seen it work over and over and again. The lunches is trickier. The lunches is trickier. But again, I would encourage this mom to buy one of those lunch boxes that has all the individual compartments and just pop, you know, a few card, six raisins, if you slice a bread, rolled up, options in there that he can pick just like he would the time with one thing that you'll definitely one thing that you'll definitely eat.

Do you worry at all? Oh, Tina are in the willpower of this kid when she says he's losing weight, the bowel issues, of course, but that is controlling behavior and he needs to feel in control and with this method you are essentially allowing your child to think they're in control but you are in control because you are providing the food and the way it is presented and the options. I believe in the method because I've seen the emails guys. This has worked over and over. We have to watch in case there is a sensory issue with food here.

But all those foods sound so different in different textures. The only thing they have in common is they're all quite beige. So I don't know if it's a sensory thing because they're crunched or soft. So I think it's more control. Right. Well, in the final part of our episode over on Patreon.com forward slash Irish man abroad. You can hear a very, very interesting case that we've been working on for the last couple of weeks around a kid and control

and eating this. This is a very, very unusual case. Tina has been digging deep and trying to find answers and help and strategy for this. Well, it's actually a listener who got in touch who helped us out. And a listener, you guys, the community that this podcast has spawned. Yeah. Thank you so much to everybody who's been in touch, everyone who's emailed in, everyone who's been in touch with nice comments and followed us on Instagram.

Yeah. And for everyone who sent get well wishes to my mom, that was really kind. We got lots of those after nothing explaining that our time is a little bit crazy at the moment because we've been going back and forth to the hospital so much. So really appreciate it. I really appreciate you doing this every single week and all the work that you put in, but you're working on this every single week. Yeah, we're recording every two weeks.

But you can hear every single episode in the back catalog including the pilot episodes Which were among the most fun over on patreon.com forward slash Irish man abroad today for the price of a fiver each month It is the whole reason that we've been able to keep this podcast going is your support over there Very easy couple of clicks you get sent a, which you then paste into your podcast app and everything populates from there, including Irish man in America, Irish man running abroad, Irish man abroad collection of interviews with the greatest Irish people ever to have lived, including Sir Bob Gelof, the aforementioned Sharon Horgan, Sonia Sullivan, A.P. McCoy,

Sonia Sullivan AP McCoy Gabriel Byrne Brezzi and many many more come on over this week and Hear what we've got to offer. Thank you, Charlie. Thank you