Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Ep 14 When Sleep Overs Go Wrong, Darth Vader Baby & Toxic WhatsApp

Episode Date: December 11, 2022

What do you do when you trust another family with your child and they show them a film they aren’t ready for? What do you do if your child has been traumatised by something they saw on screen? Is your child in a troubling WhatsApp group? Have you seen something worrying being shared within the group. What is your parental responsibility? Tina tries to help a parent who can't unsee what her daughter is saying in her friend group. And finally, is your child completely obsessed with dressing up? When does it stop being adorable and start being a problem. We also hear from one a mother who followed Tina's advice and is experiencing great success in resolving unnecessary roughness between siblings. The email address to send your questions to is [e-mail] (The Richie Sadlier book mentioned on the show is available here. https://www.easons.com/Lets-Talk-Richie-Sadlier-9780717191901?gclid=Cj0KCQiAnNacBhDvARIsABnDa69oqnYr3lGC8TPA0asXZY3pmIfRhJpctrfV3rgu72k8sfR61MiYQ1YaAqx9EALw_wcB You can find more Irishman Abroad Podcasts on www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad)

Welcome to this week's episode of Me Reading Our Kid, the zero judgment parenting podcast with me, Tina Regan, and my scallywag of a husband, Jarlett Regan. I've been called a lot worse by you. Yeah, true. Many times. That word scallywag though. This is episode 14 and we are loving it. We've been getting some gorgeous update emails this week from people who've been in touch

previously and I've chosen one one if you don't mind i don't think this is a bad idea at all because the whole idea here is i don't have any real knowledge of raising kids other than the one that i'm struggling with at the moment whereas you doesn't read any of the emails that come i don't read any i do i do basically nothing i there's like why are you on your phone again and i'm like i'm replying to all of the emails from the listeners. I've developed neck cramp. I'm not complaining, though. I'm not complaining.

I love it. Tina is so devoted to answering all of these emails that you guys send in that I think it is worthwhile reading out one response a week from people that have experienced success from your advice. We haven't really done it before, but this email really touched my heart. So you're going to read out a reply from one of the people that you've been from your advice. But we haven't really done it before, but this email really touched my heart. So you're going to read out a reply from one of the people that you've been in touch with. Now, what was the scenario?

Well, this lady got in touch because her three-year-old was being particularly rough with the baby. A real sibling. We've all had one of them. And it's an email we get in time and time again. How do I stop my toddler being rough with the baby? But this lady was worried because it was a little, she was worried it was getting a bit out of hand.

Right. The baby wasn't safe. You know, so we just gave her tips on, you know, gently praising the daughter, having a little bitch about the baby with the daughter. Which was Charlotte's idea. But yeah, a really lovely update email just saying that since we, so I had gotten in touch with this lady just to check in if everything's okay. Did she need any more help? And she was like, thanks so much for checking in since our last email. So much has changed.

My three-year-old has really been making an effort to be gentle, help her sister, which is just gorgeous. And we can't believe the difference. And the way she talks to her just melts our hearts. And that, to me, is what it's all about. That's progress. Well, going from picking the kid up by the head. I appreciate these emails so much because for me, the tricky thing about doing this podcast is my job was always meeting the child, observing the child, going to know the child and then, you know, figuring it out. This I'm really trying to guess the tone of the email and

just trying to help so when i i i do there's a little bit of fear sometimes when i'm giving out this advice because i'm not 100 when i haven't met the child yeah i'm just trying to you know give the best intuitive intuitive yeah so it's really nice and she said that um she's no doubt that her tips and suggestions on how to speak to her and handle the situation have played a big part in the change of her behavior. And she said that it's just amazing to see that her little girl is now loving being a big sister. Can you imagine how grateful you would be if that was your scenario? Because if you can't leave your two kids alone together for fear that one will hurt the other, it makes it impossible for you as a couple to go out and do anything. Tina right now is sparkled up to the teeth and is about to go.

She is in full ball gown. Oh, wow. And a woolly jumper over the top of it before she heads out for her essentially kind of Christmas drinks. We don't do a work drinks at Irishman Money Abroad. No, we shouldn't. We totally should. We do a Christmas party and a Christmas kindle do a christmas party this is not irishman running abroad this is sunny you're winning our game i mean irishman irishman abroad podcast oh yeah yeah we should yeah that'd be so oh my god i'd love to go out with marion mckay on his on your southern

you don't even have to come so we'd have to go to melbourne California in order to bring it all together. I'm meeting up with my Mercy girls today. Very lucky to still have the same friends I have. Mercy is the name of the school. They don't just call themselves the Mercy girls. Yeah, we do though. I guess it's like a karate kid. Yeah, we all...

Cobra Kai Mercy is for the week. We all went to the Mercy school in Navan and just the best girls who I'm very lucky. I barely, I think some of these girls I haven't seen since before the week. We all went to the Mercy School in Navan and just the best girls who I'm very lucky. I barely, I think, some of these girls I haven't seen since before the pandemic. So I'm trying to be brave today because obviously I'm still shit scared of COVID. And this will be one of my first few times going in. But this is a tricky, this is

actually a subject we do need to talk about. You have difficulty actually just going out and leaving. Oh, massive. Oh, yeah. This is a problem that people have. And maybe if you're experiencing that, you can email honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com. Yeah, but remember, it's honey, you are ruining our kid because I messed up the email.

Well, the link is in the bio. And Tina will, of course, get back to you. Just a little reminder that, you know, Tina's working through all. I say Tina's doing a little reminder that you know Tina's working through all of I say Tina's doing it because I'm not she's working through all these emails so don't worry

if you think oh well there must be such a backlog Tina's so on top of this now yeah we're heading to our Christmas break yeah

this is the way the show works we observe the school holidays yeah but if they need help over Christmas I'll still check the emails because i'm loving it so let's get straight to question one my nine-year-old had his first sleepover recently at a friend's house and when i collected him the next morning i could tell he wasn't himself i asked him what's wrong at At first, he said nothing. Classic.

Nothing's wrong. Classic boy, too. You can totally see that everything's wrong. That night, he didn't sleep whatsoever. Having nightmares. So he'd go to sleep, wake up with a nightmare. Oh, Lord, what the hell happened? Eventually, he told me he and his friend had watched a scary movie. His friend has a TV in his room and they had streamed a movie.

I was quite surprised that a child as young as nine had his own TV and log in for a streaming service. Holy moly, if I had known this and that they were watching unsuitable films

without parental supervision, I would not have allowed him to stay overnight. My son says he can't stop thinking about some of the images he saw, including a depiction of a murder. I feel he's been traumatized by what he saw and I don't know what to do to help him. I think he's embarrassed and feels silly for being so scared. I feel completely helpless. I'm so angry at the other parents for allowing this to happen to my son i

mean that my first emotion yeah i'll be honest but you can't say it because everyone parents so differently and to these parents their idea of a sleepover was sent off to the room they can do whatever the hell they want and jarlett knows you know i am so anti sleepovers mikey hasn't had one he's just about had maybe one or two with his cousins because i have definite trauma from being on sleepovers as a child and regretting them nearly immediately and being like why did i do this and i also have another trauma what's that your parents used to send you to the video store to rent any movie you liked now that was the time yeah right no

disrespect mick and noreen if you're listening to which they do which i know they do people went in and like that's the hot movie right now the omen hmm what could that be about so that was the responsibility of the video place yeah what the hell are they doing right yeah i have trauma from that's the hot movie right now. The Omen. Hmm. What could that be about? Yeah, well, also, that was the responsibility of the video place, too. Yeah, what the hell are they doing renting that to? Yeah, I have trauma from watching things

I shouldn't have seen. I can't. I find churches terrifying. So this is serious. Well, I mean, how do you help this poor mother? First of all, thank God she got him to open up.

That's a big win. So now they're going to have to take it from there. I have a friend whose son didn't open up this quickly after seeing some weird video online of the Slenderman. The Slenderman.

It took them nearly two years of therapy to get this 13-year-old back in his own room at night time. My God. He could not sleep. This is serious. Like this poor woman. My heart goes out to her. She's already let the child go on a sleepover.

And I get it. People do let the child go on a sleepover. And I get it. People do let their kids go on a sleepover. But what you have to be brave enough to do is check with the parent first. Well, what's your idea of a sleepover? Because you have to be check. Are they in tune with what I believe? Like, are they even going to check in on my kid once this night? Okay, damage is done.

She's already gone on a sleepover. Gerard's looking at me funny. You know, my suggestion? I'm interested to know what Tina's going to say, how you fixed this kid who's traumatized from seeing this movie. Because my suggestion would be, like, make him smoke all the cigarettes. Show him all the movies.

Oh my God. Well, my suggestion isn't too far from yours. What I feel like you have to do is start talking about movies and how they're made and how it's not real life these are actors get into talking about scripts you know i feel like from watching you at mikey because i am terrified i can't watch buffy the vampire slayer like i get so in it and so scared and then jarlett can't even look at my neck i think he's like it's it's it's a problem it's a problem i'm a a problem. I'm a bit bananas.

I think I'm sorry. What do you mean from watching me? You did this thing very early doors with Mikey where I thought for a little while you were ruining the magic of movies a tiny bit. But actually when it comes to horror movies, which he hasn't really watched, but movies that might be a bit scary. This is the advice I would give this lady now because she has to break it down into what you saw was not real. It's just pretend. And you have to start, like you don't, you can just start having loads and loads of chats about making of movies, actors, you know, how people do scenes, thinking of your own movie ideas. Kind of, like, obviously you tell this child this isn't real it was just acting

but then you have to work on the idea that now when they their approach to movies is this is not real they're acting but it's gonna take a while oh yeah this is a slow one because well he's i don't remember with mikey getting terrified by willie wonka and the chocolate factory the first time he was shown it without permission in reality it became his favorite movie maybe ever yeah but what's happened here is this kid wasn't ready no it wasn't ready at all to know what movie it was and whether she would watch it with him again well she might have to because the memory that this kid has is of being in a strange house. Yes. Mommy's not nearby.

Yes. And I don't altogether trust this friend anymore. And also trying to be cool in front of the friends. So probably masking a lot of emotions that he's actually having. How does the mom find out what the film was without going to the parents and being like, what the hell were you thinking? I mean, what the hell are they thinking i think they're who doesn't check in really what you need to do in a perfect world is approach those parents and frankly say i'm not sure you're aware of this but i think you're your little guy has turned off the parental

block on your netflix yeah but what you have to be ready for there is that they are aware of it, and that's just how they parent. I have never seen that go well. You go to any parent, they get defensive about their parenting. I have never seen that go well. That's why this show is so handy for people.

I'm not judging anything that comes in. You start judging another parent's choices. I think I would judge the parent that allows their child to watch Basic Instinct at nine years old. Is that what age you were when you saw that movie? I remember there was a boy in our school who had Basic Instinct on VHS. His parents

had broken up and they were like, whatever you want. I was so confused by Basic Instinct as a girl who obviously I still haven't seen it. I was just like, what's the big deal about Uncrossing a Girl? interesting as a girl who obviously i still haven't seen it i mean i still haven't seen it what's the big deal about uncrossing i really didn't get it i don't know the scene you're talking about i wish i knew i have no reference but look i think that's really solid advice and

maybe we'll come back to this question yeah actually maybe if other people have experience of this get in touch because i have to say from my own trauma of watching things, I don't think I should have seen way too early. And being on sleepovers that I just didn't enjoy, I have maybe overly protected Mikey from them. And I've hurt people's feelings doing that. Saying no to sleepovers. Saying no to sleepovers. Yeah, and he's kind of got to learn to go. Well, he's getting to the age now

where I think, of course he has to go. to know. Because I do remember being on sleepovers as a young fella. And when the crazy stuff went down,

I did have the cop on to go, lads, I'm going to chill here and play my Game Boy. That's very antisocial. Yeah, but they were off doing mad shit,

you know. And, you know. And no parents supervision against you. That's my fear. But like, it is a matter of trust between you and the parents. You do need to do what you said. You do.

You have to do the little recon. You have to check, well, what are their standards? But they're sneaky little fuckers. Yeah. Let's be honest. That is a lot. I guess these kids do know how to do all this stuff. The way around it.

They really do. They're so tech sappy. Yeah. It is disturbing. And in that way, you need to be honest because you may think you've got a parental block. Yeah. But they may have a way around it. Like I say, I do know from other moms the damage it does and how much you can really unsettle kids.

other moms the damage it does and how long it can how much you can really unsettle kids you have no idea what a scaredy cat tina is when it comes to movies like literally this is she's laughing now please don't tell them no i might please don't tell them i'm afraid of everything my partner and i have a gem of a 12-year-old pre-teen girl. We allowed her to have a phone, but we have spent a lot of time coaching her on the right and the wrong way to use it. Fair play to you. Yeah, you have to. She has to give the phone to us at bedtime. It gets left downstairs and turned off fully.

About a week ago, we found messages on her phone in a WhatsApp group where she featured heavily. The messages were about kids in her class. They were vile. It wasn't just her writing them, but it's still a cause for concern. The messages were explicit, incredibly grown up in nature. So many things I didn't even think my daughter would know about. I feel sick thinking about them. I can't look at my daughter without wondering, who even is she? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What should we do? I'm conscious that I shouldn't, as a parent, be nosing in her messages. I don't know about that. We'll talk about that in a minute. But she definitely isn't innocent in this. I'm shocked that no other parent has been in touch about this group. Surely some of them know about it. And I'm so stressed out wondering if other parents have read these messages and now think ill of our little girl.

That's where my head would go. We are considering taking the phone off her entirely, but we haven't made a move yet we'd love to know what your approach would be what an incredible amount of trust to give us and you tina i mean that's that's an incredible email and hopefully it's actually such an important email because we're all learning as parents how to manage this it is a new parent responsibility managing your kid's phone first of all yeah you absolutely get to read those messages that's a right as a parent they're not old enough yet to know you're worse than learning well the impact of it is is so much bigger yeah

the best way it was explained to me was if you type it it is is public. Yes, yes. And that is what your kid needs to be told. If it gets typed into a thing, consider it public. Absolutely. And also, I have tried to tell Mikey that if you type it, someone can screen grab that. You may delete it, but it might already be... It goes for searches as well. Oh, wow, really?

Yeah, that's the way kids need to be raised on this. And clearly this girl doesn't see it that way. And look, we all said mad stuff as kids. Oh, yeah. I know I'm wading in over the top before you give the advice, Tina, but like this side of things. I've talked to Richie Sadlier about this quite a lot. He has a brilliant book out on it. We'll link it in the info. Oh, yeah yeah his book's amazing it's absolutely superb and you know it's won multiple awards but it does get clarity on where are you allowed be as a parent on this and on the front foot was his advice absolutely because like i just said we are still learning we are still making mistakes as grown-ups with this it is absolutely your parental responsibility to make sure you are guiding your child like i always say to charlotte like you know people expect their children to be mannerly and know how to do things children don't know how to have manners and do things unless you model it so model this too um these poor parents really quick tina yeah this thing that this girl is involved in can have

criminal ramifications yeah it's dangerous like she says she's headed down the line of saying or posting something that the guardie

the police wherever you are in the world could be called yeah like that mother used the word vile or father

I don't know if it's a man or woman you know vile if that results in something happening yeah with that kid that she's referring to she can be held yeah culpable in some way this is dangerous and like you said it is very good of them to get in touch because it's such an important question

um you have to take full responsibility for those messages too as a parent you should have been checking in and the other parents not getting in touch that's really worrying so is nobody checking this so does the phone have to go right away to i would not know i think this daughter deserves the chance of the sit down they have to be honest with her they have to say we've seen this and talk about it with her without getting angry do they say that they saw it on her phone or that it's been brought to their attention no they could say it's been brought to their attention yeah because if they say they went into the phone they may never get her trust back yeah

because now they're going to come in with that rule whereas that rule wasn't in place before so that is different you're right they should say this has been brought to our attention we're lucky it wasn't brought to our attention by somebody yeah who could punish you yes and then um you need to figure out where in your child's head she thought it was okay to say things like this like because if she thinks it's funny you have to really be clear with her how not funny that is. And she needs a serious discussion about tone and what is acceptable. Text messages are dangerous at the best of times. Sarcasm can't be read.

Because you have no idea how people are going to interpret your tone. It's serious. I mean, we have had a situation like this with Mikey's WhatsApp group. Not as serious as this this but there was definitely images shared by one of his friends that were totally inappropriate and that mother dealt with it so well thankfully she completely shut it down and got in touch with everyone to let us know that their child may have seen something that was inappropriate and she gave that child a stern talking to yeah again it is very different to this

one yeah it's in the same yeah wheelhouse even though i hate that term yeah wheelhouse but where like i'm inclined to go and take the phone like that i don't think you can go straight in with that because this girl she doesn't know she's doing anything wrong she must just think it's so safe so when you say figure out where in her brain did you think this was okay yeah i would think get her to read it out get her to listen to how it sounds well i would think that we're in her brain she thought it was okay it's probably the same place where lads think banter is banter the dangerous thing about this group is it's out there now that's the thing it is out there that's why i'm like you're gonna need to scrub this yeah like you're gonna need to i i really think this is a very very tricky one because she either needs to get out of the group well her parents now need to teach her

the rules the etiquette of whatsapp she needs to be told like you say anything that you write down is public it is not safe to write things like that and also not nice don't be doing that that's horrible like don't be saying things that are disgusting and horrible also she needs to be told we're reading your messages every night and that is not an invasion of her privacy that is your responsibility as a parent to keep her safe i mean let's be honest no offense to this emailer but this could have been avoided if they had just been doing that from the start it is too much to expect our children to know how to act not have been avoided but it wouldn't it would have been avoided long term. The messages might have been sent, but you would have spotted them that evening.

Yeah. But it's obviously gone on. I think the school needs to become involved, not in the WhatsApp group that's happened, but in guiding them. Guiding them. Doing a little course. Yeah. Charlotte's went, I don't think this needs to be reported to the school. No, ratting out.

But the school does obviously need to educate them a bit better about this. Yeah. That's a really solid thing. That if your school isn't bringing in something like that, clearly now is the time. Yeah. When the parent mentions, she's talking about stuff that I didn't even know she knew about. I know. And she might still not know.

She might just be showing off. Sure. But maybe there's a little bit of innocence on the part of this parent maybe there needs to be a more frank discussion around those subjects coming into the teenage years you know and i mean it's scary for all of us because we're all you know your child is going to be learning so much new stuff experimenting thinking about things in a different way becoming the person they are she says starts the email by saying you know she's a gem of a 12 year old yeah like that makes me feel like they can reach her like that like if

this is out of character that might be where some of the consternation is coming from yeah that's like this isn't you she's obviously like girls and you know showing off to each other like trying to be more outrageous trying to be like it could all be in a very innocent silly light but that's not the point you've said something awful it's out there you can't do that she needs to be told this is dangerous like you're going to get yourself in trouble and me and your father or me and your partner we need to check in now we're gonna have to you've said a bunch of times that like when the little toddler is doing a thing that you want to stop whether it's the toilet training or the wedding the bed at night that you know we're getting out of the bed at night

you've said that you have to lead it by going great news you're getting to sleep in your own bed from this day forward um i wonder is there an argument for the approach with this 12 year old being something more positive that like look we've we've got something important for you and it's actually could save you an awful lot of hassle in the future. I don't know, Jarvis. Because you come in over the top with a big stick and go, you, madam, are in big trouble. No, no, they haven't done that. But they do need to sit her down and say, this has come to our attention.

And they do need to explain their feelings, that they're shocked, they're sad, they don't know why their daughter's talking like this. Why are you talking like this? They need to find that out. They need to tell her that from now on, we check your phone at night, as is our right. And they need to say, this is your warning. Yeah. This is so serious that if you do this again, a phone is a privilege. It's not a right.

Children don't need them. It's a complete privilege to have a phone. That privilege will be taken away. I'm sorry. they have to take this seriously they just have to don't feel alone as a parent because we're all struggling with it i mean i sit down to sometimes oh my god 400 messages in the evening to check through on mikey's on mikey's whatsapp but you have to do it all perfectly written i see him and uh mostly loud noises well here's the other thing kids that bully generally are victims of bullying at some point in the past yeah or currently i mean there does need to be a chat around when you're trying to figure out why is she talking like this is someone being mean to you yes or are you just trying to fit in yeah you're just trying to be the more outrageous

girl in the group which like if it is coming from a place of they just need to figure out the tone the tone but yeah i hope that's helpful and thank you and again if other people have gone through this get in touch we'd love to hear what you did and maybe i can get back to this lady and say someone else got in touch and this worked for them well our next question is a little bit younger let's get back to the teeny tiny ones yeah the scared teenage ones are scary my three-year-old son refuses to take off his darth vader costume we needed this question oh my god we needed this question after the last two uh my husband is a star wars fanatic proper order and unfortunately he has encouraged our child's premature obsession with the dark side he left them alone together you went on a date night he showed them them all. I bet that's what happened.

The Star Wars Disney cartoons have only fueled the flame. Our child, our child point blank refuses to go anywhere unless dressed as Darth Vader. He screams until he gets his costume back.

I'm so worn out by it and finding myself looking for a spare costume to ease my despair and hygiene worries. Oh right, so when she takes it off him to wash it, he loses his mind. I'm sorry, it's just

so cute. And very Darth Vader-like behaviour, let's be honest. Yeah, you have to say, this kid could have an amazing acting career. I mean, I know that Charlotte's thinking it too. We can relate. We had Darth Vader and Darth Maul

in our house. Darth Maul was terrifying. Okay, same as always, you just need to remember who's the boss you're the boss the grown-up you're the boss okay you can do this it's gonna be okay it is not all right for your child to dress up as Darth Vader all the time it is adorable at times but sometimes it's not appropriate and it is okay to say no to him it is okay to be like now's not the right time for that later no problem but we've all been in this

situation where you have to remind yourself hang on a minute yeah you are not in charge oh yeah even all the time all the time so don't feel about that. It does sometimes feel that they're in charge. And you find yourself dancing. And then you kind of like snap out of it. Like somebody slaps you across the face. And you're like, yeah, no, hang on. It's not normal to wear a cape. It's adorable, though.

And you know, and I can stress this to these parents. It is so sad when they stop. I mean, you miss it when they don't want to dress up anymore. So I'm not saying come down the heavy on this, but definitely know that you can calmly say to your child, I know you love dressing up as Darth Vader. Mommy loves when you dress up as Darth Vader too. But right now it is not okay for you to wear an outfit.

Right now you have to go with yourself. It's for eating. Yeah, three-year-old is well able. This is the first reaction from his parent is going to be, he's three. I'm sorry. fish right now you have to go with yourself it's for eating yeah three-year-old is well able this is the first reaction from his parent is going to be he's three i'm sorry three-year-old people are my people i'm well aware that if you can completely hold out two outfits that you have chosen not them and their choice is going to be to pick what they're going to wear from that and you can say and later on when we're home of of course you can dress up as Darth Vader again.

But right now it's not appropriate. And you have to come at it with, I love when you're Darth Vader too. Because if your child knows it annoys you, that's their motivation as well. Even if your child is the kindest, loveliest child in the world, they're getting a kick out of that.

They just are because children are like that. They're beautiful, beautiful curious manipulative beautiful people the wearing of the costume or the wearing of a hood yeah over the face you know it is a protection mechanism is it not for this as much as he loves star wars there has to be an element of covering up so you don't have to be yourself. For some children, yeah, sure. Other children just love being in character. Some kids, that child probably thinks he is Darth Vader when he's dressed up.

We know our child did. Whoever Mikey was dressed as, that's who he really believed he was. I see it all the time with parents. You can't get their kids out of their costumes in the morning and they throw them into school and throw in their normal clothes. It's very easy. You just say, okay, you can't dress up as Darth Vader at school. You've got to put on your clothes now.

And they're very, children are very like, I know I missed the dressing up so much. I know, but that's not going to do this woman any good. Like, that's all I will say though. How long should it take to iron this out? Like this attachment, if he's difficulty seeing the costume go in the wash.

I mean, do you start by going, look, we're just going to wear the mask today? Or is it just cold turkey? No, it's not even cold turkey. I'm not telling you to take it away at all. I'm telling you to say to your child, I love when you're Darth Vader. You are such a cool Darth Vader. But right now you can't wear Darth Vader. So you've got to choose from these.

And later, when we come back, you can get into Darth Vader. I'm not telling you to take it away at all because it's adorable. It fades away. You will miss it so much. But you do have to arm your child with the knowledge that sometimes you have to wear normal clothes. There are rules. You can say things like they don't let people dress up to go there i mean i wish they did just come in on your child's side empathize with him or her the whole

time be like you you're the coolest star fader i know but right now you can't do it so i'm gonna leave that there choose from these outfits and later on we'll put them on again the teen is very good at being strong on these things and not not everyone is blessed with this, Tina. And I know it is a practice. If they could get themselves there, they will. You know what? People are always amazed when they see people in early years work with children like that and do that. But it's so easy because they believe what you tell them.

That's why it's terrible when they're taken advantage of by people because they really will follow your lead. Yeah. So if your lead is, yeah, I love love your Darth Vader costume but you can't wear it right now so choose one of these keep it simple small phrases really quick easy commands they'll do it okay well i would love to hear back how this goes and i doubt that this is the only person who's got a kid with an attachment to the thing because it is nearly an attachment where it's like i'm not leaving the house without my sword i'm not leaving the house without my wand i see to look that is i've seen that so much i've seen parents come to the door in nursery where they're like she has to bring her bunny everywhere no toys in the classroom no

toys in the classroom and literally the child will come in and you'll just say, okay, bunny goes in your bag and they're like, fair enough. Bulls the rules. So like, I mean, be careful about how much you enable behavior because don't underestimate your kid.

That's all I ever say. Don't underestimate their ability to know what's right and what's wrong. Okay, we need to get a bit of parenting news before we get out of here this comes from the ht tech news 40% of parents admit children addicted to video games gaming, social media their survey says.

I think that that's even low. Yeah, big time. That's 40% that admit to it, right? Yeah. This was around parents in these areas that children were aged between 9 and 17 i mean i'm addicted yeah i think it's social media i think it's a massive problem for all of us i had to put my

phone down i don't think this is a fun parenting question because the reality is we're all this is struggle we're all struggling with this well you set the boundaries and your kid just lives for those moments in the day where they're allowed to do it. I think it's parenting news because it's like the biggest story. It's the biggest challenge for everyone parenting, especially with Christmas approaching. When your kid isn't going, I don't want any solid toys. I want. Downloads.

Downloads. Games. No. And you're going, in fact, did we screw up here? Did we? Should we have, is the barn door wide open and they've bolted into this world and there's no getting them back?

Well, I really blame the pandemic because in the pandemic, people did let their kids game way more because it was the only way they could socialize online with their friends. And I feel like we're all trying to struggle

to get it back to a normal key. Well, here's my suggestion. Okay, Joe. So we are recording this feel like we're all trying to struggle to get it back to a normal well here's my suggestion okay so we are recording this on sunday the 11th of december and a good friend of mine who will remain nameless told me when i opened up to him about my addiction and the stress that i hound with social media uh that he takes one day off a week. One day off completely, no contact with his phone or anything.

He said it is so hard. Yeah, I can imagine. It is so, so hard. But he said, you feel like a new man the next day. The brain is at a break from all that dopamine. Yeah. You find yourself much more settled. Now, I'm interested to see, could it be that this could come in in houses?

That this could be a day of the week where the family has no screens? Other than a screen that we're all watching together, as in movie night. It's so tough because we have tried to limit it to the weekend. Now I hate that because what I'm seeing is that thing I always say about sweets where don't tell your child they can't have sweets because then all they'll want is sweets. Now he's living for the weekend. Living for the weekend. Living for it.

It's very tough. I can't. I have no solid advice on this because I am struggling too. So if anyone out there who's listening has managed to figure this out please let us know because i'd imagine we're not the only ones banging our heads i've i've a pretty straight talking relationship with our son yeah and i had a chat with him about it today where i think that this might be the best bet with your with your kid on this ask them how it makes them feel yeah talk to

them about what they're left feeling with and afterwards because the feeling afterwards isn't great no and he did tell me yeah i don't feel brilliant after all of it and sometimes i feel that certain kids just want to use me to game. Oh. And that is tough. And I think that sometimes kids have a great amount of cop on. Yeah. But the addictive nature, I think we're in the Wild West in terms of this.

Oh, we are. The government doesn't regulate how these things are constructed to be as moorish as they are. And if you've watched The Social Dilemma at all, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. All they want is for the maximum amount of time to be stayed on these games. Even watching The Social Dilemma with your kid isn't a bad idea.

Oh yeah, we need to do that. Wake them up to it. We need to do that. You're being played. You're not playing the games. It's really, with Charlotte, again, I'll say this. I mean, our kids

have left all his friends and the only way he can stay in touch with them is gaming. It's really tough is it though or is it possible to say to him

you need to have a call with your friends where there's no games involved hmm seem it is very tricky but I'd love to hear

from you guys this is this is a cute sized episode of honey you are ruining our kid week, isn't it? Yes, because I took too long bloater in my head.

I'm legging it out the door to the Mercy Girl Christmas lunch. Which Evelyn Dorsey can't make because she's not well. But we'll miss you, Evelyn. Well soon, anyone who's struggling with COVID. And I will say this, if you need more Honey, You're In Air Kid, the best place to find bonus episodes and more and more content from us is over on patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. There's still tickets available for Jarzilla on January 7th in Dublin.

We've added a date at Bloomsbury Theatre, one of the most beautiful theatres in London that I'm so proud. Never thought I would get the chance to play this place. March 12th, St. Patrick's Week. Tina will be there as well. Come along. Have the crack. We definitely need a laugh these days. Yeah, and next week is our last episode

before Christmas break. Last episode before Christmas break. Can't believe it. Yeah, thanks so much guys for listening. We love you guys. Shout out to D Ready, everyone at Go Loud, and to all our brilliant emailers. Thank you so much for getting in touch. Honey,

you are ruining our kid at gmail.com is the place to go. Tina, thanks so much. Thanks, sir. I love you. Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid

is an Irishman Abroad podcast presented in association with Go Loud. Editing, research and production by Jarlath and Tina Regan. Find us on patreon.com forward slash Irishman Abroad today. Come and see Jarlath and Tina in person at Liberty Hall in Dublin on January 7th. Jarzilla is Jar's brand new show about life, raising kids and everything else in between.

Tickets are available now from ticketmaster.ie. Don't forget to email Tina your questions on honey you areRuiningOurKid at gmail.com because, hey, in all fairness, it's hard to raise kids not to be gobshikes. We'll see you next time.