Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Ep 18 Kids who get scared at night time, disrespectful twins & Dolly Parton.

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

On this week's episode Tina helps with a child that feels unsafe in their own room at night. What do you do when your child has had an awful fright and is now too afraid to sleep on their own? Tina supports a mother through this with some helpful advice and workable tips that might be useful to anyone having issues with their child feeling settled. Have your kids gone from cute to rude over night? Have they stopped listening and you feel completely dismayed by their disrespectful behaviour? Is there any way back? Tina and Jarlath think there is light at the end of the tunnel. Together they try their best to help a mom of four year old twins get her boys back on track. Be sure to stay tuned to the end and laugh along with some of the really strange things Tina had been getting wrong for most to get adult life. Jarlath tries to help her feel better by sharing some of our listeners mistakes too. We can’t believe that we are at episode 19 already! Thank you again for subscribing, sharing and supporting our show. To reach us email [e-mail] or support the continuation of the series financially by supporting us on Patreon. There's heaps of bonus content there for you to enjoy in return.

What do you do when your kid is terrible at playing games? Like actually just awful, just a bad sportsman who can't handle losing and can't handle winning gracefully. What do you do if your kid just won't listen to you, just refuses to listen? Or if the things that they used to do that you thought were cute are no longer cute? Well, if you're stuck in any of these problems and more you're listening to the right podcast it's funny you're ruining our kid we're back hello there tina good to be back good to be back on the air now we're now we're radio regulars. If you haven't picked this up, where are we on, Tina? We are on every Sunday night on 98FM.

98FM. I think. This is my radio voice. Why do people talk a certain way on the radio? It's like in the old days when you used to pick up your phone and go, 521673, Charles Regan speaking. How may I help you? That's how I'd answer the phone.

Really? That's amazing. How may I help you? Well, you'd have to admit that's better than some houses you would ring As Rican speaking, how may I help you? That's how I'd answer the phone. Really? That's amazing. How may I help you? Like I was working at a corporation. Well, you'd have to admit that's better than some houses you would ring and they'd be like, Yeah? What? What?

Or who is it that used to answer the phone and go, And? And? I'm like, remember when I used to ring your house? We said this on the show before and I'd end up talking to your dad and he'd never pass me on to you. You'd hang up then. Yeah. You'd hang up.

You'd have to call back. he'd never pass me on to you. You'd hang up then. You'd hang up. You'd have to call back. He'd never pass me on. We'd have a chat and he'd say goodbye and I'd never get to talk to you. I definitely had a phone voice back then and I certainly have a radio voice. If you're going to be listening to 98FM on a Sunday evening, this is how I'll be talking Tina. What's happening with these crazy kids?

We had to record a demo, didn't we? And I i couldn't stop laughing it was horrendous it's i couldn't bring myself to do the radio voice yeah radio is different but it's um basically this show on the radio and if that's how you like to consume things on the radio you won't be listening to this right but maybe if you want to recommend the show as we're always saying the only way that people hear about our show is through recommendations so maybe that's the best way for people to hear it if somebody isn't into podcasts just yet i haven't managed to figure out the podcast yeah say to them well tune into 98 fm at 11 o'clock at night i don't

know i think it's 10 is it maybe nine we know. We should know what time our show is on. We've a ton of stuff to get through here, Tina. But this first question, though, isn't a question from a listener. This is more my concern around kids playing games. Okay. Now, our own boy isn't an angel when it comes to his competitiveness. He has inherited the regan competitiveness yes but he realized how competitive people view me when more and more people on our running podcast are

going well we know you're competitive i'm like i didn't think i i'm really trying to hide that it's like my cousin said to me well you're very professional like what did i do but it was definitely something early on in life yeah in my house you were taught to play games to win and crush your opponent oh yeah not for the crack i used to have massive anxiety when i first started visiting your house 20 years ago about because you always played a board game after dinner to win no but yeah but in general

the activity wasn't really playing the what is it post dinner activity was board gaming board game yeah and I remember your mother

laughing in my face when we played Pictionary because I because you screwed up well I can't draw first of all she stopped the game stopped the timer

pointed to ah ha ha you can't do that oh no that was the game Stopped the timer Pointed to him Ah ha ha You can't do that Oh no that was a different time That was playing Password Oh right This was when I was supposed To draw a chocolate frog

And my attempt of that Was a square and a circle She was like I'm not playing this game with her This is ridiculous But look How do you guide your kid To play well kid to play well

and to play with the view that this is, the aim of the game is to have fun? Yes. Well, you know, you brought up Mikey there, which I didn't like because in the weirdest way possible, he saves all of that for us, the competitors. So like we never get to enjoy playing board games with him because he's a diva but and says that to our faces but when he's with his friends i've seen him play board

games and he's well able to handle himself there if anything he's too considerate but uh how do you handle it you just have to keep playing board games and keep modeling the behavior you want to see you know that i mean were you encouraged to be competitive as children, Gerry? Well, I was the youngest. So I always got my butt kicked. Like we would have bike races. And they staggered to the start of the bike race based on ability and bike size. So my brother is on a full-on racing bike.

He's the eldest. And he's way back, back, back, back down the road. Yeah. Then my sister is further up, who's on one of those kind of granny bikes with a basket on the front. I love those.

I have one of those. And, you know, kind of drop handlebars, but still the crossbar is a lady's bike. Then my sister's a little bit further forward and Jar is about me.

I'm about 10 feet from the line on a plastic track. So I can remember that we used to lead the bikes around a parade ring like you would at the races and then you would get briefing from the trainer who was my brother and we'd all head out and you would hear their understarters orders and they'd take off and i would get to within a foot of the line and they'd all whiz by me on the line and each time i'm pedaling to get this tractor to move through the gravel like it was gravel it wasn't tarmac yeah

that is hard so it's crunching its way through you're just getting angrier and angrier imagine how funny it was for them to see me think i'm gonna win every time and each and every time in a cloud of dust they'd go by me and i eventually got off the tractor and just you know kicked seven shades of light out of the tractor i think that's when i knew i had a competitive streak yeah losing like that over and over and over again will make you competitive but i look there's been a real turn there's been a real change in terms of competitiveness and i think in the world in the world and like sports days everyone gets the medal and stuff and i'm not i'm not 100 on board with that i think why can't the kid who's best at running when the the first place medal and why can't the other kids want to try harder the next time i mean

there's been something lost in that regard but in terms of gaming it's really tricky because you don't want your child to not be competitive but it's just trying to encourage them to find the fun when they're going to anger to try and find the laughter in how silly it is to feel that angry about a game well in terms of the medals for everybody thing there is you know a big argument for participation trophies yeah in that on the one hand you're arguing for participation trophies by teaching the kids that it's crack that it's just about fun yeah that everybody being involved in a thing but on the other, that's not really reflective of how life is going to be.

Yeah, and it's also not very fair. I didn't mean to cut over you there, but I mean, we all remember that time when you did win first place. And how amazing. But how amazing it felt to hear your name being called in a competition. And equally, we all remember the kid who got 20 out of 20 in the spellings.

And that was OK. But the kid who's more prone to being athletic is not allowed to have the 2020 feeling. They're told, no, everybody took part and, you know, wasn't such a big deal. Well, that's not across the board now. It just isn't. And that's the point. That there is a place for participation in Trophy Day.

And then there has to be a place where you go, right, well, you did finish the top. Let's get you down to these trials. Yeah. But what I'm talking about and when I raise this is the modeling of this behavior

is very, very tricky because as you say, it's that your child can be behaving one way with you and reserving a lot of their bad behavior for you because they feel that level of comfort who did mikey see being that competitive or did he see that behavior you charlotte reagan come on now yeah me yeah so that's what i'm saying would he ever have behaved this way playing games if he hadn't seen his dad taking them so seriously well i i do think

that there is something genetic in this really i do i really do and i think that you know as well that when you see little boys and little girls with certain attributes that you know well how would they have picked that up oh yeah okay there are times when you go well they couldn't have learned that anywhere yeah but they've arrived into school ready made, ultra competitive beings. Yes. I know that I just said that thing of he must have seen it somewhere. And that does annoy me sometimes when people say that because sometimes they haven't seen it. It's just who they are.

Yeah. But in this case, Mikey definitely saw it. Because this is obviously a big part of Regan genealogy is that the whole family extended family is super competitive and sports is in our family my father was a sportsman uh it's it's a tricky one and i'd be interested to know if people have certain board games that they play that can help because i believe that there are certain ones that are more prone to like monopoly let's be oh look that just shouldn't come in the door i think you need to be like in college before you should be allowed to play that game why because i mean who has played

a successful game of monopoly who it's a game of crushing your opponent even the calmest child could end up flipping that board game over i mean i don't know sometimes the tears oh so seriously well it is about you know being ruthless whereas there has to be better board games out there nowadays and we'd love to get your suggestions on this the board game that we recommend to everyone which is absolutely brilliant for vocabulary for performing under pressure for uh fun fun first and foremost you will laugh your brains out at this one is password which is like it's like an antique game now we can put a link in the notes for it but it is just a one-of-a-kind game i'm amazed that there isn't a version of it on an iPhone or as an app. I mean, it would surely work that way.

But it's a description game as close to categories as you can get, but just with an element of a timer. It is great. It is produced so much fun. And it definitely allows you to calmly introduce the idea that like that game is over yeah and we move to the next one and the aim that i'm always trying to say to mikey is is not to win but to have a situation where those that you played with yeah would like to play with you again yes and that is the goal that is you know what? I really feel like my mother got that message true to me when I was a kid. The whole goal here is that you're enjoying this game.

You want to play it again. They're not going to want to play with you if you behave like this. So let's enjoy the game. Let's try and go to laughter. But when you feel yourself starting to take it too seriously, take your breath. Remind yourself this is supposed to be fun. And then you got them coming back to you. But it's very tough.

And in the worst case scenario, calm yourself down, take a breath, and flip the board with both hands. I have to say, I think Monopoly is a joke because even I have flipped that thing over. Yeah, of course I did. I mean, I made a holy show of myself as a kid playing that game firing the pieces oh yeah oh awful and there is nothing worse than having to pick up all those pieces when you flipped over the board the shame the shame stays with you hi tina and jar love the podcast and all the solid advice, help and tips you've been giving out. We're currently having an issue with our little girl sleeping,

which started when we were at home in Ireland over the Christmas. We live abroad. She began to wake up and get scared, shouting in the middle of the night when we were at home with my parents. Myself and my husband would reassure her that she's safe, all is well and leave her be. She initially responded well,

went back to sleep. It's gotten progressively worse. Her wake-ups are now lasting between one and two hours. Oh my goodness. And it's getting really hard to stay patient. We are trying not to allow her

into our bed. We did co-sleep for some time when she was very little and don't want to go back there. We show her now that her bedroom is safe before bedtime and that there's nothing to be afraid of. She's now waking for any other reason, complaining of feeling sick, coughing, needing a drink, a wee. She's not sick for now thankfully but has a bit of a cough during the day she's working herself up into an absolute state some nights crying and coughing and we're at a complete loss as to how to manage this situation jesus these poor parents yeah we're back to our usual routine with preschool for over a week now since we got back after christmas and i'm currently 19 weeks pregnant i don't know poor thing she needs her sleep and anyone i've mentioned this

to feels this is more than likely what's causing her to wake as they experience similar with their little ones i should mention that during the day she is in great form and is happy lovely girl fun her school reports that she is is in great form all the time and full of her usual energy during the day. She even apologises for all the wake-ups when we chat about what's happening at night. She is exhausted earlier in the evenings now and if we manage to prevent a danger nap,

which is a great name for that nap that we all know we don't want them to have, her bedtime is an hour earlier at 6.30. We miss half decent sleep. We miss it so much. Please help. Lots of love. Anonymous. That's so tough. That's really tough because that mom and dad, from the sounds of that email, are doing everything you would ask them to do already. Right. They're having the open discussion with her. They're encouraging her to feel like her room is safe. The unfortunate thing that has happened here, though, is that while visiting the grandparents, that child woke up during the night

and didn't know where she was and got a fright. And now she's a little bit anxious. I mean, all those things she's saying, pains in tummy, needing to wee, those are all signs of a child with anxiety. So what do they do? How do they get her back on track? I mean, it's tricky because it's been going on a while now and she obviously has a feeling in her in her when it comes to

nighttime and waking up she doesn't feel safe i think it's hard when i'm not there to observe the child but from that email i feel what do you think well yeah i mean i i just read that and i agree with you they seem to be doing everything and this must be the tough ones for you to get tina as the expert on this show well it's really tricky because what do i tell them to do when they are already doing what i would tell them to do we discussed this this morning a little bit and even though they're saying that the dialogue is open about the room being safe they really have to to ramp that up a bit and talk way more about how safe their house is how safe it is at night time how lovely her room is

how proud they are of her when she sleeps the whole night they need to get into her during the day when she's they said she just sounds like a delightful little girl to mention that to her and say, you make me so happy when you listen and do what you're told. And I'm happy that you're telling me that you're sad you woke up tonight. Let's not do that. So there's options here. Now, one of them is probably sounds a bit over the top, but if this little child is only three, is it three she was, and mommy has a baby on the top but if this little child is only three is it three she was and mommy has a baby on the way maybe there's a baby monitor still floating around this house uh i know we've spoken about this before but like i definitely use the baby monitor for much longer than is normal but it really helped mikey feel safe in his room And for a little bit of time, they could reintroduce the baby monitor into this room.

First of all, they get to see, well, what's waking her up and what does she look like when she wakes up? And then they get to tell her, you're so safe, mommy can hear you. And you can speak into the baby monitor and say, everything's OK, pop back to sleep. Really short, direct sentences when you're dealing with them at night time um whatever is happening when she wakes up you have to be very careful not to um feed it feed it you have to be really careful and it's bed it's night time it's time to sleep go to sleep mommy loves you you have to be really careful not to say what's wrong is okay? And maybe that's happened already. Yeah.

You have to be really careful with how you talk to your children at night time. If I could just say about the baby monitor, and I don't think everyone will be up for the idea. Yeah, no. No, because people hate being woken up. It does wake them up. In a lot of ways, we all sleep with the baby monitor, like even those without kids. is we all sleep with the baby monitor, like even those without kids.

Because what you have by your bed in your mobile phone is a method to alert the authorities if anything happens that you are scared by. Your kid will have the capacity to call out and know that they're heard. And that to me, like you to me like you said like you pinpointed is where all of this stems from is the feeling that i wasn't heard that night back in ireland yes something happened something happened to that child made strange so we talked about making strange last week but it's true that child got a fright and it imprinted on them and having that there yeah right in our experience

meant that our mikey our little guy was so chill about going to bed and knowing that he could in some ways the problem that's going to arise is that they'll be able to call you so easily yeah but they all phase this out because if they're not using it they'll want to phase it out quickly but the knowledge that yeah you can call yeah is what will hopefully help this kid yeah and you're right actually that needs to be said too you need to tell your child it's okay to call for mommy at night time i will come and check on you and make sure you're still safe and you can go back to sleep she really has to feed a dialogue here of yeah you wake up during the night and then we go back to sleep and when you go in and she's crying say i'm so sorry you're crying i'm gonna give you a

hug it's time to go back to sleep okay so that's that right that's that side of the actual sleep time but this coughing and building up that's the anxiety yeah bad you think that the monitor uh of some sort would help allay those fears and hopefully nip that in the bud i do i think like this mom might be just like i'm not doing that and that's fair enough but i did i was trying to think well this is quite serious this child has gone from not sleeping to waking up and being very panicked going to sleep and i thought if she did reintroduce a monitor into the room she could tell the little girl i'm just going to pop this in here for a while so that i hear you i always hear you and i always know you're okay

a big announcement no this is happening yeah mommy wants to just make sure I can keep you so safe. Yeah. And I can hear everything. Now, if she doesn't want to do that, she could just, you know, get her a very special teddy that keeps her safe at nighttime. I mean, it sounds silly, but those kind of things really work. This is a very special teddy that's going to keep you so safe at nighttime. And when you're feeling scared you just give your teddy a squeeze and you snuggle into your teddy and your child like they will just

you tell them that in a very clear direct way they will take it as yeah that's my teddy who keeps me safe and when i'm feeling scared i hug them and they do that but like this poor poor mother because she's pregnant she's, she needs her sleep back. Can you imagine? Yeah, like I was always quite against the co-sleeping thing until Keira Taylor. Yeah, appeared on this show. Yeah. And she said, if you have to do that for a few nights, that's OK.

She did remind me sometimes your child might just need a few nights a bit of contact yeah and then pop them back to their own bed and i don't know if this lady has listened to that episode or follows taylor made babies but that really made me rethink that i was like yeah actually maybe there's just moments where the kid needs maybe two nights co-sleeping and then back to their own bed i will tell you that when we eventually had to get rid of that monitor oh my god uh that is the thing that it might be you that needs the monitor because tina definitely couldn't relax without it in the room knowing because you were for you like this is the other side it's like you were suffering with the anxiety so there might be parents listening to this where the mom has had the dad has some anxiety around the kid going to sleep and caught death

which is yeah just the most horrendous yeah we had had a terrible scare with mikey he had stopped breathing and i couldn't sleep without being 100 so when we put him into his room when he was one not being 100% sure. So when we put him into his room when he was one I couldn't sleep at all unless I could see and hear him. But we bought two devices. Yeah. Oh yeah we had the angel mattress as well. The angel mattress if people don't know about this is

a little like flat piece of sensor that goes underneath the mattress and detects the heartbeat. I think it's even flashier now. Yeah. It must be. I mean this was 12 years ago. But this thing will just confirm that

all is well yeah and then if full disclosure Mikey was 8 or 9 when we got rid of the monitor

or older no he wasn't older than that but like I first of all like I just couldn't sleep without knowing

I could flash on the screen and check on him during the night. Yeah, but that was so handy. Yeah. I mean, you're doing that around your house all the time. Yeah. You have cameras and you have it connected to your iPhone. Like, I think that there is going to be a shift on this in years to come.

Maybe. Well, he felt very safe. He did. He was so happy. And I have to say, playdates were so easy pretty handy too because i could turn on the monitor and keep an eye on what was going on in the bedroom what's getting smashed and the babysitter coming over was brilliant she loved it she loved it she never had to go near him all she had to do was sit and watch the monitor but uh like there's a certain age where it was

weird now i had to let him i had to trust that he was going to make it through the night okay and that was really tough for me i mean trauma is a weird thing because i was traumatized and like that happened to mikey when he was born and he's 12 now and i'm still not through it i'm still and i my heart goes out for people who've done very yeah but i have my baby other people go through what we went through and their baby doesn't make it. How do those poor people cope? I don't know. I'll never know. Because here I am with this beautiful boy and I'm still carrying this trauma.

It's crazy. So we have not answered this poor mother's question. I have not gone back to this mom yet, and I will. But I think she has to work on making that child feel more secure. There are so many books you can read about feeling safe and secure in yourself and at nighttime. And the thing I really want to say is, please go to the teacher that this child is with and please ask for help. Ask her to do circles about staying in your own bed, about how important it is to get all your sleep. Please get her involved because sometimes that child is hearing that at school.

They're like, oh, crap, I'm supposed to be doing this. I better start doing it again. Very good. OK, well, we'll include some of those books in the notes for this episode. Of course, you can subscribe to this podcast. But if you're just listening to this one episode, subscribe. Give us a comment over there on wherever you're getting your podcasts. It all helps us climb the ladder, Monty, to the top of the parenting charts where we've been several times now.

And we're really, really grateful to all of you for getting in touch with your anonymous emails to honeyyouarewiningourkid at gmail.com. Next question, Tina. honey you are ruining our kid at gmail.com next question tina comes from somebody who is actively being accused of ruining their kid maybe the first the first email we've had where that accusation has been leveled this parent my kids won't listen she says i have a four-year-old no. I have a four-year-old. No, I have worse. I have four-year-old twin boys and they are completely out of control. Everything that we used to find funny and cute has morphed into really disrespectful behavior. I mean, we've all been there. Yeah, I see that a lot. He used to be adorable when he put his fingers in his ears. Yeah. They don't listen to my husband either.

My mother-in-law thinks we are terrible parents and are ruining her only grandchildren. I'm sorry for laughing, but I always laugh at the concept that the child is ruined. Is she just thinking that, though, that her mother-in-law? Maybe, maybe. She says this. Oh, no. Oh, my God. there's that one answered she says it in front of the boys when they're misbehaving i'm exhausted i'm unhappy i'm feeling

pretty hopeless can you help me get my boys to listen again oh god so there was a time when they did listen that's the positive well you see the thing is with this question parents this happens a lot right your child's suddenly four or five and they're doing things you don't like it anymore but what i always try and get the parent to think about is what about from the child's point of view? They haven't changed anything. Your tolerance for it changed. You know, they are just doing the things that you used to love and find cute. So really, it's not their fault. They don't know.

It's not me. It's you. But when you're getting upset with them, they're just like, I don't understand. You used to love this. And now what? I can't do anything right anymore. Yeah. And that's true of loads of different stages in development.

Yeah. Big time. The kid that's going to secondary school, for example, who is told, and we all remember this, that won't fly now. You're 13. Yeah. You're like, well. No, it's very tough. I preferred being 12.

It's really hard. And it's hard when you see it it's hard when you see like a two-year-old who's being so like obnoxious and the parent laughing and thinking this is cute and you're thinking okay okay it's cute but how are you gonna feel about that when they're three and a half or four and they're still doing it so really tough my heart goes out to this mother she's got twins anyone with twins gets a pass from me because how are you doing it i don't know talked to a guy the other night who said uh his brother had a set of twins obviously expecting one to arrive they go again another set oh my god

are they okay he only wanted to have two kids. I mean. So I think everybody who has twins should get a pass from us all. Yeah, absolutely. But what I will say to this mummy is they're four. They're four-year-old boys. Get your partner involved. Sit down and have a big chat about things that they're doing that you don't want them to do anymore. And then get your kids to talk to you about things that you're doing that they don't want them to do anymore and then get your kids to talk to you about things that you're doing that they don't want you to do anymore make it a really open open

chat that ends in a little tiny list of house rules we've talked about this so much on the show yeah but when you say that about making it fun i mean that is like there are ways and means of making that fun that i can think of right off the top of my head, which would involve you and your partner maybe acting out what's happening. Would that be an idea? When I say this to you, when I say, it's time for dinner. Oh, role-playing expected behavior. To act out, here's how we want it to roll. I think role-play is...

Here's how it's actually going. I think we underestimate all the time how much your children need you to role play what you want them to do. Role play is so important in this. Like, completely spoon feed them the expected behavior. Like you say it all the time. It's like, they don't know unless you tell them. Yeah, yeah. Or show them.

And in this situation, those kids are probably just confused. Yeah. Mommy used to love this. And then they're amping it up because they're like, maybe if we do it a bit more, you know. And yeah, so it's very tough. But they just need some house rules. And then so unfortunate about the mother-in-law because that's really tough if you don't have that on your side. And if she's disrespecting you in front of the kids, that's so tricky.

But all you can do there is ignore, not react, and continue your parenting. We talked about this at Christmas. Remove your children from the room when you want to talk to them. Don't talk to your, don't give out to your kids in front of that mother-in-law ever again. Remove your mother-in-law. No. Then have a challenge. But I'm serious.

Yeah. Because she's going to, she's already, her cards are on the table. She's going to butt in and give her opinion. So now for your own sanity, you've got to remove yourself from that situation. You talk to your children in private and then you go back. She doesn't get to do that. She's not, if she's not going to be an ally, feck off. There.

You need that on a T-shirt. The first Honey, You're Rooney, I've Fed T-shirt. If you're not going to be an ally, feck off. Oh, feck off, I said. Feck off is nicer. I used to say to my sister that she needed a T-shirt because her kid was a colicky baby. I know. So he's crying quite a lot.

And I said, she needs a T-shirt or some kind of hoodie that just reads, babies cry. Deal with it. Yeah, I know. People will get so. Colicky babies, though. So tough. Those poor mothers, they just need so much understanding. Not listening kids though

is probably the most common email that we get. Yeah, but that's it. That's a house that needs to sit those four-year-olds down. Four-year-olds are flipping capable, okay? They are well able to sit down and be spoken to and explained. That behavior is making your mother very sad. And I love you both so much.

I want this to be a happy home. Let's think of ways we can make our home so happy. Also, talk to them. Do you like when you ask me something and you feel like I don't listen? I hate it. And then be like... I thought you were asking me that question. I know.

Relate. You've got to relate it back to them and have them help them wear the emotions of how you're feeling you know but what about this tina if you're gonna try and get your kids to listen more do you need to have a private conversation with your partner where you both reflect on well well do we listen to each other are we modeling this behavior oh yeah and actually as a woman you really need to phrase it that way because otherwise you'll have a husband who thinks yeah like what do i do with you i always say we need to work on i cracked this code quite a while quite a while ago do we need to work on this or do I need to work on this? But look, it can be really helpful because let's be honest.

Don't go to the family meeting without having, being on the same page. Yeah, and I mean, you're on your phone so much a lot of the time I don't feel that I'm listening. What else?

Working hard. Yeah, working, working, working. This is a brilliant question i really wish this parent the best i really want this um mom if she didn't mind to get back to us if they have this meeting and they do the rules let us know if that worked if it helped and if it didn't give me more information and i'll figure it out yeah here's the challenge i'm setting the listeners tina what did you learn late on in life at an embarrassingly late point like what i think that everybody knows the stuff i'm talking about i have two you've two right off the bat email us in honey you're ruining our kid at gmail.com

if there's something that you didn't learn that you should have been taught as a child yeah that maybe it isn't counted as your parents failing you but it's something like um you know there's always the classic is oh i thought the ice cream van was out of ice cream when they played the music now that's literally that's our friend marion reilly yeah that misinformation that was passed down from a group of parents that was the ice cream man letting them when they played the music. Now that's literally... That's our friend, Marion Riley. Yeah, that misinformation that was passed down from a group of parents. Her mummy told her

that that was the ice cream man letting them know there was no more ice cream left. That is brilliant. Well, do you remember when we were living in Leeson Street and I ran up to you from the toilet saying that,

do you know if you hold one nostril down while you're blowing? We talked about snot rockets on the running podcast i was like you only learned this i only learned how to clear my face properly in my 20s in your 20s i was struggling with one nostril and blowing out the other yeah i was struggling with sinus problems and then i was like oh my god i mean it's gross well okay you ran up to me like you were albert einstein well because the relief eureka the relief in my face was just like oh my god

i was like looking at you like is this a joke i was like charlotte do you know if you do this do you know hold one nostril and blow out the other one okay we need to stop saying it i'm disgusting myself uh a silly one that i realized was a few years ago i was at the Dolly Parton concert and she was singing her song and I realised that it's actually Ireland's in the stream, not Ireland's industry. Ireland's industry, you thought it was. For my whole life, I thought,

why are they so interested in Ireland? Every single time I listened to that song, I thought it was Ireland's industry That is what we are Yeah I did And nobody ever stopped you on this? No I don't think I voiced it

I really thought they were saying Ireland's industry Yeah I really did We are Ireland's industry You thought that Dolly Parton was saying we are Ireland's industry you thought that I didn't think about it too much Dolly Parton was saying we are Ireland's industry

I was just general confusion it's a strange song but it's very catchy yeah Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers think they themselves

are Ireland's industry no I can't stress enough how I didn't really no one in between how can we be wrong I mean we're Ireland's industry actually sail away with me to ireland

yeah to another world a green world i was like i'll be on a boat and we rely on each other in this industry yeah in ireland we rely on each other from one lover to another yeah in ireland people love each other I was at her concert and I was like oh so much more sense what age were you 30 well you're not alone there's tons of people who've had these I found a whole plethora of these online this is not an uncommon thing I was 23 on a trip with my girlfriend we were both getting ready for the day in the bathroom and i needed my hair gel so i asked if she could hand me my toilet treat bag oh that's cute she seemed confused i again said can you please hand me my toilet treats

she ran from the bathroom laughing. I mean, there must be candles. Do you remember the one about the nurse who was going out with a guy who thought that when you put Vic on, you couldn't move or you'd die? You told me about this one. That one cracked me up. He thought that it was dangerous. His mother had told him that once you put the Vic on your chest if you got out of bed you would die and he believed that into his grown-up adult

life and this nurse was wetting herself laughing at him generally men but this is that's boogeyman though that's that's uh if you if you pull faces your face will get stuck that way well my mother told me that if i didn't have the blanket over my ear, the ear fairies would come and take my ear during the night. Oh my God. And that one still haunts me, to be fair. If I wake up and I'm not covering my ear, I cover it pretty fast. Remember your friend Jared Christmas told his kid that avocados were called...

Oh, there was guacamole was pronounced guacamole. oh there was guacamole was pronounced guacamole just so he can have a laugh every time they're in a restaurant she'd come back and go dad you know that's not what it that's not how it's pronounced that's hilarious um i i believe that the little piggy who went to the market wasn't going shopping for ghost groceries last year it hit me i'm 28 oh they hadn't put together this little piggy went to the market she thought he was going like shopping this little piggy hang on what i i think i might be just what this little piggy went to the market this little piggy stayed at home yeah this one that went to the market this little piggy stayed at home yeah the one that went to the market

oh my god i never told we actually had one of these take place um i think he's dead to me why are we teaching children these rhymes? Went to the market and was eaten. Oh my God. That's very cute. So send them in. Honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com. That's the way to contact the show.

And we'll be back with more next week. And don't forget to tune in to our radio show on 98FM on Sunday. And we know the time now. 10pm. We didn't know the time at the start of the show. I think the best thing to say to people who are listening to this as a podcast is if you're like you can't convince somebody to download a podcast tell them they're on 98 fm yeah on 10 p.m on a saturday on a sunday night well we listened to it then we were on suzanne kane's show during the

week who is one of the nicest people so cool i think i've ever met and she was very nice because she was completely right she said it's it's the most unparenting parenting podcast. And that's a lovely thing to say because we aren't here to judge you or tell you how to parent. We just want to help you if we can. And you're helping us too because if we're getting it wrong, just get in touch and be like, actually, no. Yeah. I mean, this was always the aim was just not to have this podcast be the finger waggy i'll tell you how to do it and to try and enjoy your kids i have one final one

though that yeah i have to read it okay i thought morning sickness was just that feeling sick in four noon so one christmas I announced my entire extended family. I just had a little bit of morning sickness. How do you? I was probably 9 or 10 at the time. And I'm also a guy. Oh, I'm also a guy. Well, actually, I just remembered my biggest one

was that when I was a little girl, we're talking three years old. When people used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I used to say a single mom. And I thought that was like the most amazing thing ever. Why would I need a man? Single, powerful mom. And to like i'm just gonna be you were correct yeah oh of course these single moms are amazing but i just think it's so funny that at three years of age i was like but any anyone what do you think you'd like to be a single mom single mom don't have the men dragging me down gina thanks so much for doing the show as always thank you guys for listening

yeah it's rolling into episode 19 our last one before the midterm break is that right I think so

so yes keep the questions coming in and Tina will keep banging back the answers and she'll always get back to you I have I am a little bit behind

because there's been quite a few emails but I will get there and keep the emails coming in because I will get to them all thanks guys don't forget to rate comment and subscribe thanks to keela brogdon and d ready and go loud thanks tina thanks honey you're ruining our kid is an irishman abroad podcast presented in association with go loud editing research and production by jarlet and tinaan. Find us on patreon.com forward slash Irishman Abroad today. Don't forget to email Tina your questions on Honey,

You Are Ruining Our Kid at gmail.com because hey, in all fairness, it's hard to raise kids not to be gobshikes. Bye.