Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Ep 24 Gaming Anger, Facts Of Life & Reigning In Screen Time

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

If you've ever felt sleep deprived and narky Tina and Jarlath are right there with you this week. A week of vomiting bugs, sinus infections, sleep deprivation and flight delays, beat them down this week. But Honey, You’re Ruining Our kid must go on because parenting never stops! Question 1: It’s hard to raise a gracious winner, realising your child is a sore loser can be a hard pill to swallow. Is there any way back? Are they reachable? Tina has a range of strategies to help your child both win with grace and lose with dignity (without throwing the toys out of the pram!). Question 2: Let’s talk about sex baby. When your child starts asking questions what is the best way to respond. Firstly, always start with what is comfortable for you. Secondly here at Honey You’re Ruining Our Kid we believe that the children deserve facts and truth. Greet their questions as honestly and age appropriately as you can. Question 3: Screen time! A subject that is making life difficult for teachers and parents alike all over the world. Tina goes off on this one. She has seen the desperate consequences too much iPad is having on today's children. Her insights on this will have your jaw on the floor. But is there a way back once you've started giving you kid a screen while you're out and about. Of course there is, no kid is ever ruined! Email [e-mail] to submit your questions and issues for TIna. She replies to every single email personally.

you're very welcome back to honey you're ruining our kid the parenting podcast from the irishman abroad podcast network with me charlotte reagan and of course as always team hello there what a week we've had charlotte been a bit mad hasn't it this episode has been delayed because we were either vomiting or away yeah there's a lot of traveling now, to be honest. And there was a delay in Dublin Airport or Heathrow yesterday to get back. Oh, my God. That really messed up any chance of this episode coming out on time. Five hour delay because of wind. And I'm not.

I've heard some crap excuses from kids in the past. Diddy, there was wind. And you're like, you're a plane. It was hard to believe them. you're a plane you're heavier It was hard to believe them because you couldn't see the wind It wasn't windy outside they're like

it's too windy to take off you're like five hours Yeah but we got home a load of flights it wasn't just the Ireland flights we were getting delayed

it was all over the world and a load of flights got cancelled It was windy all over the world Windy all over the world yeah It was fierce windy now when we were taken off, Darnit. I don't know how you miss that.

I've never, I don't, I'm not afraid of flying. I love flying. I love being in my seat and not being able to do anything for an hour. I maybe didn't notice it because I was so cranky. You were cranky yesterday. Were you? Were you a little bit cranky yesterday? I'm never cranky, as you know know from listening to this show i'm always

a ray of sunshine and none of the stories relate to my larry david tendencies but uh i just was it wasn't like my tank was out of gas yeah just the whole battery was dead a week of vomiting and yeah the flu and shows and traveling i'm sure loads of parents out there can relate to just this point where you don't even have the energy to be in good form or pretend to be in good form. Oh, you're just so fatigued by it all, aren't you? You're just so tired. I was also around you too much.

You bollocks. It was just too much, Tina. I find it really stressful when Charlottelet's really cranky, though, because I remember my friend Aoife saying to me, does Jarlet not know that some people know who he is? And when he acts like that, they're going, oh my God, Jarlet really gets so cranky. Because you can't hide it.

Like you're just an angry face when you're angry. It's pissed off. It's all on your face. My perfect example, right? There was a guy who was like coming back from Vietnam who was like

going through the airport and he's like how's it going everybody? And I'm like everybody wants quiet. But I couldn't I honestly couldn't understand your problem with that guy

because to me first of all his poor girlfriend was on crutches yeah that was sad their airplane the engine had blown out

not in midair you don't know that because you refused to talk to him I was like this is the friendliest person ever I was delighted with him

Gerard was like don't look in his direction or he will talk to us I was like fucking hell here I am oh but Tina that is a reflection of how tired I was. I couldn't even see that this was just a friendly man.

He was adorable. He kept coming over to let us know the updates on the plane. I was like, thank you. I was super grateful. I was like, we can see the board. Yeah. This is what I was dealing with yesterday. I was like, I think I'll hear Dean.

The funniest thing that happened at the airport was that Donal and Brian Gleeson were sitting where we were sitting and Donal... Just away from us. They couldn't see us. They couldn't see us. But...

When they walked in. They're very nice people that we don't really know that well. You did a podcast with Donal a long time ago on the Neil and Shane podcast. No, I've never interviewed Donal. No, no. You didn't interview him. You were with him. I was on the show.

You and him were guests on the show. What was that podcast called again? I can't remember. It was amazing. But I asked him to do Irish Man Abroad about ten years ago. Yeah. Around the same time. And he was just Then he got the role in Star Wars. And he wasn't allowed to do a lot of stuff.

So he had emailed me and said he was able to do it. Yeah. But I, for whatever reason, because I was probably emailing so many people at the time, I was constantly sending emails. I think I forgot that he'd emailed me to say he can't do it. So I was like, look, let me know when suits to do this. Like I just acted like that email hadn't happened. Yeah, yeah.

And I sent about, because this is the level of persistence that produces Irishmen abroad, maybe 15 of these over the course of a three-year period. Yeah, yeah.

I like the hustle. I don't think you should be embarrassed about the hustle. But then I realized and I emailed him and went, listen, I just read this email. I was like, I don't know how I didn't

take this in. I'm so sorry that I've been emailing you going, when are we going to do this? Yeah. But consequently, since we saw Donald Leeson since then, there's been a real weirdness. Yeah. So yes, at the airport, because we're all stuck in the lounge. I said, Jerry, you have your, you have your mic.

I have my mic in the back. Just go over and corner it and be like now? just see his face like a cornered animal how's about now? how's about now?

I mean you're not going anywhere we're all delayed that was the only thing we laughed about then you went back to being cranky then I went back to being

very cranky yeah you weren't helping matters now an angel as usual guys if there's one theme of this podcast it's that Tina gets to say Jar you do this you do that and then I turn to her what do you do I'm an angel

well I am hi Tina and Jar let's hope you are all good i have to ask for a tip on how to get your middle child to play properly every time there is even a hint of a game not going his way he spits the dummy and storms off sounds very familiar to me as in I'm remembering my own childhood here. I've spoken to him about it. I've spoken to him about sportsmanship and in fairness

his brother does melt his head. Oh, okay. Well, we've both got experience with that. Yeah. He melts his head goading him by the tiniest little smirk.

Now, yeah, the smirk, the old smirk. smirk in the side of the eye when you know that they're at boiling point i mean i gave as good as i got let's be totally honest and i'd say you did too let's be clear i just want him to enjoy his games and that is the thing you just want him to have fun. He loves board games. Jigsaws, drawing, Lego. But if it's a game, when the competitive edge kicks in,

when it's air hockey, pool, table tennis, it descends into anarchy. Or as she says, Míle Márdir. She is the Irish for many murders. What does she do? I can definitely, I've got priors here. Yeah, I'm not saying it's okay, but I just wonder,

does he just save this for the family or is it when he's around his friends as well? I would say that mom is present as the kind of lifeguard or literally the security that if she wasn't present it'd be a lot less um like this is probably pretty mannerly version that she's saying when she's not there i'd say headlocks and and noogies and chinese burns her hand today it's a really hard one because you you're dealing with their actual spirit and their you know their actual competitiveness and spirit well as in their kind

of you know they want to win and they they have their competitive spirit yeah they haven't quite learned that it's not just about the winning it's's about the taking part. Do you think that's what it is? Or is it that I just don't like when the world isn't the way I like it, that there's a control issue? I don't know if it's consciously control. I think as you get older, it is. If you're a teenager or a grown-up

acting this way, yeah, you're too controlling and you need to cop the fuck on but when they're younger i think that they're just they're just so laser focused on winning and beating the other people in the game that that's all they're thinking about and they're missing the joy of the actual game okay it's really tricky i put something else to you yeah sorry then i think there's many parents that will describe a child who's only like this with the siblings but actually when they go and play at the club they're good yeah but the

siblings just like going home for the national don't react to what your family says to you championships yes christmas festival yeah they know where to They know that that smirk, that side eye smirk, that there might be six of one and a half a dozen of the other, that two things can be true here. Your child's overly competitive, but his brother is equally a poor sportsman in the niggle. Oh, absolutely. And that's what I was saying at the start is that is it with his friends or his family? Because I think those are two completely different things. And sometimes your child can actually be completely capable of enjoying the game and not taking it too seriously

and is well able to control his wants in that game and be sociable and kind. And then that is nearly harder to watch when you know hang on you're fully capable of this you're a great teammate yeah but you're being horrific to us here because you know that we're your family and you'll be forgiven that's harder to watch but still i'd prefer that yeah then the child is just out of control everywhere. And what we've seen, certainly with our own lad, is a lack of competitiveness with others, but full-on competitiveness with us.

Oh, yeah. Wants to destroy us in a way. So this is something we're working on all the time, too. And there's so many things that have helped. We've come a long way with Mikey when we're playing with him. So we have put a lot of work into helping our guy and you know this is a common problem every family has unfortunately and there are things to do that don't feel like the right thing to do but actually are in this

case where sometimes you think for an easier life let's just let him win when actually that's the wrong thing to do because what you have to start doing is modeling you know helping him through those emotions he feels when he loses he needs to practice that a long time ago you were the one who was like you had a very a way better instinct about this in terms of we need to play more games we need to actually practice the whole game playing practice losing practice winning and that's really important actually not only how do they lose how do they win so really is it just about modeling the behavior you want ignoring as much as you can the bad behavior and teaching them helping them through it hold their hand through the game definitely if there's

an agitator there who knows how to push the buttons that child needs to be warned before the game begins if i see you doing that there's there's a consequence for you because you know you know what that's going to lead to and that's not fair when you know your brother's working on this so it comes under the category of grace and courtesy does it yeah it's you're teaching them social social um norms and social cues and you're teaching them how to interact socially and like you need to talk to them about how this isn't okay you're gonna make a holy show of yourself somewhere if you are do even if you're just if they're just saving it

for the family and you think well at least he doesn't do this with his friends there will be a day when he does do it with his friends and you'll make a holy show of himself and he will be mortified about it there's no harm either sometimes and maybe when it's all kicking off stick the video on what video on your phone record it oh and then later on when it's all calmed down show them back show them this is how you look like you're out of control we need to work on this we need to figure out a way of bringing you back to a calmness when you start feeling like this. Because look how your feelings are. You're completely out of control.

We've all had siblings who have been hard to play with. Like when Mario Kart was a problem, the first time I saw this was playing Mario Kart and you know tears at losses you were just talking about me yeah mainly Tina here but that's because Jarlett

you're a terrible man for the trash talk when you're playing a game yeah I would I would talk junk but it's playful.

Yeah, but you're the agitator in this. What I find with you is that you can't handle any form of silliness in a win. That like I would say after I win a game, guys, I need to get to, I'm just pulling up Google Maps here. We've won the game and I go, I'm just pulling up Google Maps. And you'd be like, why? And I'm like, I need to find my way to the party. I need to find my way to where I've got to collect my trophy. Yeah, you know what?

I'd agree with you if you hadn't lived with the most mild-mannered person in the world. Shane Langan, the quietest, loveliest man in the world. You drove him to the edge. Like playing Mario Kart with you in Edinburgh nearly made him lose his mind. Did it? Yes, it did. And you and your jokes about, what was your joke about your power-ups or something? What was your joke about your power-ups or something?

But here's the thing. This is why this is such a difficult area. Because there is a line between a smirk and goading. Yeah. And what I grew up with was you had to learn to talk smack back. And to the winner, the spoils. The winner was allowed, had earned the right to talk smack to you because they could back it up. And that's really important. What you're saying is because we've all been raised so differently this way and like look at what's happened to our generation of

kids they're so afraid of kids feeling the emotion of being a loser and not having won that they're afraid to actually celebrate the winners now because we've all grown up with this like really horrible feeling in us about how it felt to have the winner shove it in your face like there's a there's a balance we haven't quite got to yet in society where it's like i definitely think that if a child wins a race they deserve to get their medal and that the other kids should congratulate them and think in their heads i'll do it next time yeah i don't think it's okay for the child who wins the race to stand there while every single kid in the race gets a medal and they

think what was the point that's a whole that's a whole debate right well let's go back to the actual question yeah where this mom is saying that if this kid is playing pool or table tennis against a sibling, the second he loses a point. Or feels like he's losing. The game is over. Yeah. The toys are out of the pram. Storm off.

Yeah. Slam door. I'm not playing this. And that is where the mom has to make him. Return. Return and continue the game. You don't get to storm off. Even if he's crying and refusing to play properly and hitting his bat off the table.

Absolutely. You have to be like, you started this game. We never do this. This is unfair on the other people. You're teaching them about. It's not just about your experience. There's someone else here. You're not the only participant

and you have to come back and finish it out and at the end you have to practice the shaking hands and saying well done good game here's the scary part sorry you don't get on top of this yeah yeah that is the scary part and that's these people grow up to be dickheads yeah you're wondering where the dickheads come from in your world. Many of them didn't have a parent to do what Tina's describing. Like, I think about guys I've played sports against who were arses. I'm not calling you a dickhead, but sometimes when we play maricard,

I did get nosebleeds from the stress of it. Well, that's on you. Yeah, but I couldn't cope with the trash talk. That's maybe you not practicing as a kid, not taking tina you do take things seriously playing games yeah but i never like so you're putting it all on me but like there's obviously i'm not perfect in how i play games and that to me part of the fun of the game is a bit of back and forth chatter yeah whereas you want me to play in silence and tina is sitting forward in the chair moving the controller as if it's a steering yeah like i don't take the wind seriously i take the playing seriously you don't take the wind seriously you don't say words like In your face. Suck it. You've not said these words, Tina. To Mikey.

To Mikey and me. You've not done victory dances. No, I have not. I mean, this is very hard to have the blind leading the blind here. Well, you know, that is reassuring for this mom in that we're all struggling with this. Like, we are all struggling with this. You would say bring him back to the table each time. Each time, absolutely.

Explain to them that... No matter how hard that is. Well, I mean, at the start of the game, because you're aware of this kid's behaviour, you have to tell them, if you act like that, you're finishing this out. You do not get to leave. You're agreeing to play the game to its conclusion.

Yeah. So you're aware that he behaves that way. So before the game comes out, come in with the warnings. Come in with what's expected and what will happen. And then, you know, afterwards, when he's made it through the game, praise him for that. Tell him, I was so happy. I really saw growth in you today. Because even though it got tricky, even though it was so difficult, you stuck with it.

And what about the goater? He has to be warned, too. He has to be told. I spot you doing that to your brother. You're out. You don't get him. So he's out? Yeah.

Is the game over then? Oh. Okay. A different consequence. You know, but like, but a different consequence you know but like but in tennis you know

you're Nick Kyrgios yeah you break a racket you get a penalty point so does the parent actually have to go right well

if it's pool and you start goading him I'm putting one of your balls down oh yeah or you take a point away or something like that yeah that's a good idea. It is so hard because there's a fine line.

You want them to be a little bit competitive. You don't want them to be a douche. It does not sound like competitiveness is going to be a problem here. And in some ways with Mikey and that, I'm like, I'm delighted that he's sad when he loses. Yeah, sometimes I think it might be a good idea if you say to them, know you're gonna have a lot of feelings during this game there's gonna be a lot of anger so here's a notebook and when you're having them write them in during the game yeah whatever you want whatever you want to say to your brother write it in write it down both time out everybody i'm just gonna write down my feelings about this game i don't know if that's a legit suggestion tried it so you haven't

tried it during a game yeah it's during a game like mom he's writing his feelings down again he's ruining the game i don't like it and you're making me feel i'm feeling anger that's bad shit maybe write them down afterwards that would be actually a great delaying tactic if you were about to lose the game feelings time out there's a lot of good tips here but I still think the feelings notebook is one of them

I think the most important part of this whole question is the mom is aware because that is where the problem lies it's the raising of the kids and yeah but she is she got a bit of this in herself we don't know that but i mean it's how you're raised because that's what we're coming you're coming like some houses will encourage that they will some houses will encourage competitiveness ah will. Some houses will encourage competitiveness. Why can't I say the words? You say it?

Competitiveness. Yeah, you said it. Between siblings, cousins, friends. So well done this mom recognizing, okay, something unhealthy

is happening here. I need to help him. Yeah. You're not going to get rid of this. Before it becomes totally toxic. Yeah. Before it becomes so. What you're going to give him

is the tools to not say everything he's thinking when he's playing the game. To use it to his advantage. Yeah. To try and go to enjoying it. Yeah. And to see it true. Super. Super stuff.

I don't know if that was super. Honey, you're ruining our kid. At gmail.com is the place to go. That's where this mom emailed. We hope that helped. And of course, we'll follow follow up and we'll find out hopefully next week yeah did this work i haven't the feelings notebook come out i haven't got back to this mom yet or any parents or people who've gotten in touch too busy puking it's too busy puking and too busy having no sleep so we are back on track this week and we're back i've always wanted to

do that i've always wanted to let's let's go to a commercial we'll be back right after this i hosted the moncrief show a few weeks back one of the most fun experiences i've ever had to be the guy in the chair going we'll be back after these messages and it's so handy in life like i thought it'd be amazing in life to be able to go, okay, we're going to take a break. Just, you're starting to annoy me. You've goaded me one too many times playing Mario Kart. We're going to take a break and we're back.

My nine-year-old daughter has been asking more and more questions recently about where babies come from. I mean, I'm asking the same questions myself and how they are made it's probably because her auntie is expecting and she thinks the whole thing is just incredible which it is i've seen your auntie and it's amazing that she got anybody to impregnate her that's a terrible joke. I feel very unsure about what I should and shouldn't tell her. Okay, this is a brilliant email. Or indeed, how much detail I should go into with a nine-year-old. I want to be honest with her, but I don't want to scare her either.

Really at a loss, I'm worried she'll ask somebody else and I'll miss my birds and the bees window. Well, it's a miracle she doesn't know already if she's nine. That's a miracle. This is the other thing she may know and want clarification. I don't understand the reluctance to just talk about sex with kids and your body and the reproductive system. I don't understand it.

Well, maybe you do. But from an educator's point of view and from working with small children, I just know how much protects them. Knowledge protects them. The more they know about these things, the more they are protected from the creepy stranger. And I think even the people that are reluctant to talk

know, I would agree with you. Yeah. The reluctance comes from the fear of saying it wrongly okay maybe that's it and embedding that in the vinyl in the dna but that's why you go to the biological book so this is what you're suggesting biology book the biological the biological book go to a biology book yeah are you you, one of those human books. Oh, sorry. I thought you were about to recommend a great book

which had a great kind of narrative or speech that you can give. No, I think you just keep it very factual. Kids love facts. Right. Show them the body. So an actual anatomy thing. Tell them, go to the reproductive system. Just tell them very matter-of-factly the things.

These are the bits things these are the bits these are the bits this is what their jobs are this is the function this comes out here yeah this is how the baby grows inside just tell them they won't wonder they're going to feel so safe knowing okay i know i know it now yeah and uh i mean remember that museum we used to love bringing mikey to in bristol where you actually get to go inside the womb and everything I mean and you get to see all the stages of pregnancy and I mean kids are fascinated by it

and from a sexual point of view and from them being sexually aware what do you mean from a sexual point of view well I guess from a sexual education point of view first of all I think nine I'm astonished that that child doesn't know that by now that's why i think they because they've heard some chats the curriculum should have

already done that i'm not sure what the difference is between the curriculum i don't know where this lives yes that's true maybe they're not in ireland in england i mean they learn that in nursery and there's big big debates over this and you know some people do pull their kid from that yeah because they're not sure that that they think that's too soon and that's up to everybody honestly though if i could get one message across to parents is the more informed your child is about the parts of their body their private parts what they're for the more protected your child is they're safe when they know their vagina their vulva their private space i used to say to my kids we all have the right to feel safe all of the time

and that is how we would begin our sex education lessons and i'm talking with three and four year olds the more they know that their private body private parts are just for them and nobody is supposed to touch them or look at them or ask about them the more the more armed your child is to tell you that guy tried to touch my vagina today okay your child isn't is gonna know that's wrong i know that's my private bits and you're not supposed to no one's supposed to go near that. And it's been proven to protect children from being interfered with and being vulnerable. I'm so happy to hear you say this and articulate it the way you have to, because I am actually part of a campaign that you helped me get into. Yeah, the We Consent campaign for the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre. I'm going to be doing a thing next week for it with Gerardroy and a few others and we're going to actually loop up with them

for an episode yeah i'm going to bring someone on here to talk about this because it is such an important thing yeah and it just seems so funny in a country with so much of this in its past that we're all a little bit wary of it but it is fear but what i know from being a person who makes his living from talking that you're always surprised about the release from delving into areas that people are reluctant to talk about that just the sensation of puncturing silence yeah i think is great i think the fear parents have is that they're going to have to start talking about their own sexual intercourse with their child and that you know they're too embarrassed about that but it's actually just keeping it very fact based speaking in facts it's quite empowering as a parent and it actually

as well your child doesn't doesn't attach the kind of um mortification to it then yeah so they're like this is all very yeah this is all very matter of fact when she says i feel unsure about what i should and shouldn't tell her yeah the biology book will actually answer that question yeah and you read it together and it's actually the more you tell her the safer your child is. And why not? But the line that you're saying, though, that she's worried about is what relationships look like. Well, it's also the next questions because children are so inquisitive.

She's going to ask more and more questions, but just take them one at a time as they come. And if there's a question you're not comfortable with answering, it's actually okay for you to say to your child, you're a little bit young for that question yet. But when you're older, I'll be comfortable to talk to you about that. That's okay too. That's very respectful.

And your child needs to respect your space too. So if she's asking the question, like you're saying, just keep it factual. It's like this is this. When this gets inserted here, this becomes virtualized. Because the book will have the language you need. Yeah. But the next question is going to be, and which men do that? next question is going to be and which men do that and you know is that where you get into the whole thing of when a man and woman very much love each other like that's the that's the part of it

that's the that's the hard right turn well that's why sticking to the science and the facts is so freeing because you can be like uh you won't have those feelings no this is the function this is the functionality of these parts of your body and if you know if you when the time comes for you to have a baby this is how it works now she's nine years old so you don't need to start talking to her about actually having sex yet but if she asked those questions i wouldn't shy away from answering them so would you say um you're too young to have those feelings yet yeah but we will talk about that bit later yeah because scientifically she is too young she's not going to feel these needs and she's not going to feel like she really wants a baby or to do to have sex yet to make a baby but you can completely just stick to the

scientific factual information and just be really like the more you lead it and always they will follow so the more comfortable you are the more comfortable she'll be with your answers is it okay tina if i throw a few difficult questions at you about how you would handle with them if i'm going to play the role of this mom and she's gone the route you said she's biology book in front of her she's going through she's reading the language um and when does this happen mommy when will i get to have a baby well i would just say it all depends it's all different we used to use women used to be expected to have babies when they're really young but now people are leaving it later and later and it depends when you meet the right person and you decide you want to start your family that's when you would start thinking about doing this who's

the youngest person mommy ever to have a baby that's a really good question and like i just said people used to can you believe that people used to become moms when they were teenagers but now now that's not as common sometimes it does happen you know sometimes that's why and then if that question comes up you have to be ready to talk about things you do at that age to stop yourself becoming pregnant and what's illegal oh oh yeah well that is tricky but if it, it comes up. I'm never shy away from these questions. So that's what I mean about her. I can feel off the email that she's like, there is a lot of potential questions. But I think that the best way for you as a mom to go to address it is to have the first chat.

Yeah. And then maybe say, why don't we talk about that tomorrow? It's also, if you can come from it from a point of view, this is so exciting because she trusts you enough to ask. She feels safe enough to come to you. That is rare. Yeah. That is so rare and it's quite special so keep the

conversation open it's okay to say to her that your body's not ready for this until much later and right now you have a body of a little girl i mean it is important that if you have a child 9 10 11 12 that you are preparing them for the changes that are about to happen and why these changes are about to happen in their body, because they're about to become somebody who will be able to hopefully house a baby later in life. Wow. Well, I'm really glad this person sent this email in and it does open us up for that part of our series that we will be going into. And if you have questions around this if maybe you've had your birds in this chat and it hasn't gone great email the show honey you are

ruining our kid at gmail.com tina replies to absolutely everybody and we're going to find out again as i said how this goes for this mom in weeks to come yeah and it is it is realistically once they start asking and you start answering, there's going to be loads. Yeah. So you do have to be ready. Get ready. Be ready. Don't go there until you're ready for it because there's going to be lots.

Hey, Tina and Jar. I know you've talked about this on the show loads before, and I was inclined to agree with you until we recently had to start traveling a lot more due to my husband's job. Of late, we've brought the iPads with us. At the moment, it seems to be the only way to get them to behave in restaurants and at the airport. It is killing me to have to do this, to enter the club of parents who put their kids on iPads to keep them from wrecking their heads. I need your help. I feel like I've gone down the rabbit hole. We're in too deep now and we can't get them off them. Now, the only way to stop the tantrum for the iPad is is to produce the ipad please help oh it's it's going down for real

tina it's your favorite subject jared just gave me the fingers double finger he just went a tick deal with that deal with that tina um look everybody knows how I feel about kids and iPhones or iPads in restaurants. But this is the real, Tina, this is what parenting is now. No. This is a real life question. No, no, no. What do you mean no, no, no? I'm sorry, I'm never going to... Kids are melting her brain.

I don't care. That's what kids do. I'm never going to agree with you putting your kids on an iPad in a restaurant. And it sounds like she doesn't either. Yeah. I'm not going to help her agree with it. I'm not going to make her you putting your kids on an ipad in a restaurant and it sounds like she doesn't either yeah i'm not going to help her agree with it i'm not going to make her feel better about it i'm sorry you you need to think outside the box and bring other things for them to do but traveling is different okay that's different if she's at the airport and on a plane and they're already stressed and there's a lot of stuff going on you're just trying to keep them in the area that's different and how do you make it workable you put rules on that stuff you put rules on it you tell your kids yes mommy is okay with you being on the ipad or your screen

or your wii or whatever it is i don't switch at the airport at these certain times but when you are told to come off you need to come off and it's not the only option at the airport at these certain times but when you are told to come off you need to come off and it's not the only option at the airport we need to have other things in your bag that you can do because i'm sorry your child is going to have the maximum meltdown if you leave them on that stuff all the time i am never going to tell a mom and dad or an aunt and uncle or a friend that it's acceptable because it's not you're actually all you're doing is ensuring that that kid has a massive temper tantrum because none of them not one of them are able to come off that stuff if they've been on it too long and be normal friendly it's too much for their brain no it the end result is actually worse, you know. But traveling is different.

That's different. But I'm sorry. I know we don't judge people. We don't. But it breaks my heart. Like it breaks my heart when I go into a restaurant and I see kids on screens. I'm like, why did you bother coming out as a family? I'm sorry.

It's not the option. Really? Really? You need to come out and put your child on the screen that's all you've got i just don't get it and why bother you're not socializing what you're teaching your child to do is just not be there not be part of it and then the very same parents will be like oh you're not taking part in the conversation you'd already you've already just write that off and they're like my kids are very anti-social you've already just write that off and they're like my

kids are very anti-social you've already allowed them to facilitate the anti-social and honestly a book is nearly as bad a book at the dinner table just because your kid is great at reading doesn't mean it's acceptable for them to bring their book and eat their dinner in a restaurant while you're supposed to be socializing that is true as well that it's not all screen it's not all screen this is about more grace and courtesy and like i say whatever it has to be workable so if your kid needs a screen in a restaurant to sit in a chair okay but not when you're eating that's not okay because you are practicing a type of socialization that's not real world. And then you're going to expect your child to know how to behave at dinner when you've never actually told them, shown them or enforced them to.

So back to the question. Yeah. The question is, this mom recognizes that she done screwed up. Yeah. She's looking for me to say it's OK. It's not. I don't think so. She seems like a really nice mom. I'm never going to say that's OK it's not i think so she seems like a really nice mom i'm never gonna say

that's okay because we're seeing so much yeah but you're just annoying me now because you're like i know that tina hates ipads yeah i do because i see what's happening to kids you can say you hate ipads and that this is all wrong all you like but now they're in the shit yeah she's in the shit so she needs to redraw the lines very easy first of all sit down with them hopefully these kids are able to talk and walk you know if they're on screens this much you sit down with them and you say okay it's all gotten a bit out of control mommy doesn't like ipads it's actually not good for your health to be on them this much it's not good for your It's actually not good for your health to be on them this much. It's not good for your eyes. It's not good for your concentration.

Explain all this to them. I understand that you love them. I'm not going to take them away. Kids are addicted now. Okay. You can't just take it away. You can't. That's unfair.

Absolutely unfair. I know that myself. I'm not saying our child's an angel. He lives for his Switch. Yeah, but it never appears in a restaurant. No, I would never do that. And what you do is you read your other lines. And if, for your own sanity,

you need that screen in the restaurant to keep them in their chairs, fair enough. But you have to believe in your kids enough to be able to come off the screen to enjoy dinner and eating with you in conversation. That something that has to be practiced getting someone on around the impact of these things on your kids brain yeah well what i've seen which has broken my heart from working in early years is kids coming in who don't know how to hold a pencil with underdeveloped hands that only know how to press screens. Yeah.

Kids coming in who have no concentration, like they cannot sit in group time for 10 minutes without some kind of stimulus. Because of too much iPad. Too much iPad. And the worst one is kids who don't know how to play with toys. I have seen that so much. don't know how to play with toys i have seen that so much like early years teachers are not now only having to prepare the hand for writing and get sounds they're actually having to teach children how to play with toys so we're actually heading towards a cliff with this well as a culture i know from being an early years teacher that the most thing that's talked about at the moment is the impact of screens on kids actual

playing well if their imagination and their play and their conversation you know because and also you for a moment think about the impact of suggesting to your child go on that and just you know be over there be over there i'm giving you permission to just completely extract yourself from society and be in your own world. But in a few minutes, I'm going to expect you to be back in. When we know that's not actually possible. You can't just expect them to be on the screen, off the screen. You know, it's really, really like I'm not going to judge you. If I come into a restaurant and I see you on the screen, I'm gonna judge you i'm gonna think they must have their reasons i'll always give you the benefit

of the doubt and i get it we've done it before where we always bring a book or coloring pencils or some kind of game and mikey does that until the food comes but when the food is there no but traveling is different traveling rules go out the window like look at us yesterday rules go out the window. Like, look at us yesterday. Rules go out the window, but you're saying we still need the rules. You need your own rules on your family then. And your kids need to have some kind of boundaries. Or you're just, wherever you're going to the first few hours is going to be a nightmare because your kids are going to be mentally worn out.

Well, I hope that's a help to this emailer. And sorry I got so angry there. But, like, you don't know what I'm dealing with. Gerard is looking at me like, like that kid who we talked about. The smirker. The smirker. Gerard is like, I know you hate this Tina so and that did make

me annoyed. Yeah, sorry for that Tina but I just read the emails, that's my role here. Yeah but you didn't just read the emails you sat back in your chair and gave me the fingers. Gave you double fingers. Deal with that. That's our episode for this week, Tina. Thanks so much for doing it. And I know that you're in terrible form because your battery is so low

and so is mine. And, you know, we're both doing our best, even though I think I'm melting your head and you're melting mine. Really unnecessarily honest of you there Jarlett it happens to the best of us

well I know if there's any comedian partners or wives tuning in they'll know what it's like to be around a comedian when they're on tour and it's pretty

high fucking it's barely a tour guys all I'm doing is going to Galway Town Hall Theatre on May 25th Cork the Town Hall Theatre on May 25th, Cork the Everyman Theatre on May 12th, Thurles on May 20th, Dreyacht in Blanchardstown May 18th and 19th.

There's... Dundrum this Saturday. Dundrum this Saturday. 90% of these are completely sold out, but there is a waiting list at the venue, except for Cork, Galway and Thurles there's still some tickets there I'm not really doing a tour here, I'm putting in dates in the places

I love going to Bloomsbury Theatre was a huge event not made easier by the vomiting bug and flu but thank you guys for your understanding on that. Even though I wasn't getting much understanding here at home, I got a lot of understanding from you guys.

She thinks she's nice to me. I think that the material proves that she's not and that I like it on some level and that I have created my own bed. I am really nice. I'm just all about you know being realistic

it's always it's always really convincing when someone else says they are really nice taking your self-confidence like well in fairness to me I'm a nice person

you're the problem I'm so glad we got to do this episode today and we're recording again tomorrow so we'll have loads more my face but then we'll have caught up then we'll have caught up

see Jarlett is stressed out because he's got four podcasts on the go and it's a huge commitment you'd have to say you can hear them all on patreon.com forward slash Irishman abroad we'll be back with Marian McKeown on Friday with you it opens 6 o'clock

this morning I'm training for a marathon April 23rd I'm running the London Marathon so I have to get my marathon training back on track I gotta go thank you so much everybody

bye bye thank you so much for tuning in and keep the emails coming to honeyyouarewiningourkid