Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Ep 27 Toilet Training 2 - The Second Attempt. This Time It's Personal!

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

We are back after the Easter holidays with three big questions about three situations every parent can relate to. When toilet training didn't work the first time Tina has two strategies to help any parent get that fresh start needed to get it right. Our third question relates to the nightmare of bullying that extends outside of school. What should you do when you realise a previously resolved bullying situation is lingering in places beyond the classroom. We also recommend a brilliant movie parents will love and hear back from a listener in our Patreon bonus content. (www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad) Make sure to share the podcast if you like it, give us a review on your podcast provider or send us an email [e-mail]

you're very welcome to honey you're ruining our kid the parenting podcast from the irishman abroad podcast network and me charlotte regan i'm here as always with my wife the expert the brains behind the operation well she's certainly more of an expert than me 20 years in the business tina there's nothing she hasn't seen this is is the Zero Judgment Parenting Podcast. Yeah. All your ideas, Tina. I just find that hash of expert very hard to wear because you're just, you know, it's a big word. Well, also because your children are always confounding you just when you think you got them.

Exactly. And like, we're living this. Big time. Just when you think your got him. Exactly. And like, we're living this. Just when you think your kid isn't ruined, he turns around and gives you some guff where you're like, wow, did not see that coming. But that's the whole show. I mean, you're here, Tina,

getting emails from all over the world every single week with situations some of which we don't put in the podcast some of which tina just deals with yeah and a lot of people do ask to have their email kept private which is totally fine yeah and uh yeah no i think you know we've all just survived midterm with our kids and i think it reminds me how much i have in common with everyone who gets in touch with the show well we were in a supermarket during midterm just at the start and a woman turned around to us and went it's going to be a long two weeks

and i kind of walked out going what's she like i mean don't have kids yeah if you don't like the bit where you spend time with your kids. But then by the end of the two weeks, I was like, it's been a long two weeks. For all of us. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm sure it's been a long two weeks for the kids, too. Oh, absolutely.

Because they're so used to being entertained all the time. The minute you're not entertaining them, they're like, oh, my God, my life is boring. Special, special shout out to all of our new listeners yeah new followers who came on board this weekend after i appeared on the angela scandal and ask me anything show on rte that's an irish tv show if you're listening to this somewhere else in the world but it is available on the player oh it is yeah it's on the international player you can seek it out i was national or to eat i was yeah i was on there um doing jokes talking and being interrupted by key stuffy that was the main thing yeah but you know when key

duffy was a gem on the night he he just you know he just likes he got a bit giddy a bit of giddy of course and anyway it was only a bit of back and forth so funny the amount of people that got in touch were like jar i think he doesn't mean to you yeah no he was fine well we uh got an awful lot of people in touch afterwards it's really weird because i was like oh that's so cool charlotte and angela gave the podcast a shout out and you think ah that's nice and then i'm like bing bing bing bing bing bing i was like oh my god angela scanlon is powerful yeah i've been arguing for a while that we need to get people like Angela to jump on for even a brief chat

about the challenges that they're facing even though that's not really the show it might be a nice piece of bonus content but they will never do it because their whole persona is that they have everything under control and they also outsource, I'm not saying Angela does but a lot of people do outsource way more than they'll admit

we do provide bonus content though if you want to come over to patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad you will get Tina just

is making faces to me while I give the pitch I forgot we were going to have to do the Patreon bit today the Patreon the Patreon bit is what pays our rent

I'm so tired it's like oh no not the Patreon question we need you to become patrons it's a free podcast but if you love the show and you want more from it there's bonus episodes there's more there's my stand-up special there's hundreds of interviews with the greatest irish people ever to have lived and an extra chunk each week on the episode which tina is really regretting having

to record but it's always the best bit yeah it is that's true by the time we get to the end i'm buzzed up i'm in it but that just reminds me when charlotte talked about how his show was available up there last night on the angela scanlon show i'd forgotten that charlotte said that one time i did actually say this to him that if he said if i died would you be able to watch my stand up would you watch my stand-up clips and cry i said i would never be and i feel so bad about it now when i saw it on actual telly i was like that's not nice so i apologize for that publicly publicly apologizing right now because i feel that was well it's interesting because our first question is about bullying

no it's not it's toileting oh yeah it is hey jarentina love the podcast a friend recommended your podcast a month ago and i have binged all of the episodes i actually worry for this person's mental health that's really nice she probably feels like she really knows this yeah take care of yourself i wouldn't recommend anybody does that i'm already employing loads of the tactics and i have to say they're making a huge difference to my approach to parenting my two and a half year old boy thanks so much for doing all this i feel seen as a parent when i listen to your podcast that's the nicest thing ever brilliant to hear

so kind love this lady so far my little man is brilliant he's funny he's kind he's smart he's so smart we started to teach him to read at two and a half that's amazing just drops the microphone walks out of the room that's unbelievable two and a half year old learning. He's beginning to write the alphabet. What? He knows his ABCs for about a year now. Get him into DCU. There's a young gifted program over there.

Two and a half year old toddling around DCU. I don't know. I think they take them that young. She says his speech is so well advanced. We have conversations with him. Full on conversations. I'm telling you all this to paint a picture of my independent little man, not to brag about him. A little bit of bragging. But that's probably why his speech is so amazing, because they take the time to talk to him.

Look, you're well within your rights to brag about your doogie house or MD kid. Our issue is toilet training, though. We have started. Attempt number two. And we tried back inary on the bank holiday weekend and gave up on the third day as we thought might not be ready yet two days into our second attempt and he is fully resisting the process wow he doesn't want to talk about it i don't want to talk about it no thank you change the subject ignores us we got him some of those cotton

training pants we tried pull-ups last time but he treated those like a nappy we introduced him to potty a few months ago and he was really excited about it he went to the toilet a few times before his baths but when we try to make it permanent he freaks whenever we put him on the potty he freaks out we have tried reading books about it, tried a rewards chart. We've stayed calm. We've been upbeat. He just says he doesn't want to do it. We ask him regularly, but usually he shouts, no!

And runs off like Mick Jagger. No! Not a good idea! And runs off into the distance and ignores us completely. He keeps wetting himself. All jokes aside, this is serious now. She's starting to worry. Like, what do we do?

He's well able to do this. He's well able to communicate that he needs to go. He's just resisting the process full stop. He's now saying he's scared of the potty or toilet. Yeah, I've heard that. We have tried being firm. We've tried being gentle, talking to him, not making a big deal talking to him not making a big deal of the accidents making a big deal of the accidents nothing works he is so headstrong and assertive which normally i love but he can't sit in the potty for longer than 30 seconds and

even then it's a push no matter what distractions we employ tina tina please help us yeah well you know i get her frustration because we're dealing with a super capable kid and um also while you were reading that there for what seemed like the second time but who knows um uh he finds most things so easy yeah this might be challenging to him because he's not getting it straight away he's still very small but old enough to be potty trained but i always hate being the one who has to like say the things parents don't want to hear but while these parents are so on top of it of course they are you either doing it or you're not you're either potty training or you're either doing it or you're not. You're either potty training or you're not. If he senses there's a way out.

There's no pull-ups. There's no anything. There's no going back. I'm always trying to tell people this. Everything goes. You put on the pants. That's it. Because not only does the child need to see that,

but the parent needs to see that too. Because you need to lead this. Like you lead everything. And if you don't have a get out of jail card they don't have a get out of jail card it's going to be a more successful process now i would say to this lovely mom just stop stop right now stop what stop the toilet training put back on the pants yeah because they've mixed him up there needs to be some time between now okay because he's all mixed up on it

and he's a little bit powerful because he's like, don't tell me what to do. I'll wet myself. I'm ignoring you. I'll say no. It's completely, the parents are not in control of this.

So they need to stop and just wait for it to get a little bit sunnier where they can put, first of all, shorts and t-shirts much easier to potty train, not as much washing. And the next time you do it you're going to need to say

to this child nappies are gone you're a big boy now it's so exciting you've moved on from that phase you used to wear nappies because you were a baby

now you're a big boy you don't wear nappies anymore we're not buying them they're not in the shopping they're nowhere you've got pants now you've got a wee you do it in the toilet

stop looking at me like that no I think this is brilliant because I'm remembering poo you do it in toilet and you do that at nighttime as well don't just get rid of the nappies trust your child and they'll trust themselves do i bin the nappies in front of him in front of him yeah well i remember like when we were doing it with mikey we did that and i was like we're not buying them anymore they're gone now you don't need them you're a big guy big guys are wearing out stressing the big guy side of it yeah but it's also letting them know we are so serious about this and you're not gonna you're not gonna defeat our spirit this time you're not gonna mick jagger your way out of this no and it's not his fault like how confusing

is it to kids when we're like we're potty training you but only at these certain times and then we'll put a pull-up on you and like this poor mom hasn't done anything wrong because the media lead us to believe that you gotta put these pull-ups you need to wear the nighttime nappies but honestly if you just take the time to say to your kid in a very leading matter of fact way you're too old for nappies you know you're such a big guy now now it's time for you to wear pants your wee's going to toilet now they don't go nappies and if you wee in your pants you've wet yourself and we're gonna have to change you and he's big enough to change himself he's so cunning i don't mean to call your child cunning but they are especially a theater of this kind of

higher intellect that you're describing when he has can he go when he knows? He has said that he's scared of the toilet. Yeah, that is so common to say that. Absolutely. So if you go with this, right, so you let the bit of time pass. Yeah, let the time pass, yeah. A bit of time pass, we get to the June bank holiday weekend

for the perfect opportunity. Warmer, shorts, t-shirts. You say this starts you going again and he goes but i'm afraid of the loo no that won't happen that's just it won't happen and also you have to say you don't just say we're starting toilet training you have to be like okay uh first of all you prepare them for it okay you tell them you know what countdown countdown in two days time we're getting rid the nappies are going to be gone. You're running out nappies and we're starting to toilet train.

You're way too old for them now. And then you tell them that for the first day, every 20 minutes, I'm going to put you on the potty. Every 20 minutes, we're going to check. There's a timer and it's going to go off. While they're on the potty, if he won't sit down, that's a time where you give them a book or a screen. I never go for screens, but if it'll keep them on the potty for those few minutes, go it go for a reinforcer give them a sweet tell them you're going to sit in the potty until the timer goes off and then i'll give you a sweet then you build it up to like every half an hour every hour and then you fade out the timer but you are going to need to repeatedly put them on

the toilet and wait get them off say well done well done for trying you're going to actually have to this is what the people never tell parents you're gonna have to actually hope that on one of those timer sessions the wee goes in the potty and then you have to tell your child look that's the wee it came out of you that's your wee you did in the potty that's how much you need to connect the dots for the kids wow it's so hard for them at the start. They're not consciously peeing. They're not consciously pooing. You're asking them to go from subconscious to conscious.

It's a lot. Jesus, Tina. Free podcast, lads. Holy moly. I never even realized. Well, I'm always afraid that when I get. That you have to consciously get them to understand. Yeah.

That this thing that you regard as sweating nearly. Yeah. Is actually a thing that you consciously need to do. Because I remember you doing it in our house. I remember him turning around and being surprised. Yeah, surprised that we were there. Because they're so used to just letting the wee come out whenever the wee wants to come out. Now you're asking them to program it,

to become aware of it. Now this countdown, before we leave this question, because we're going to see how this mom gets on. Yeah, because it might not work for this child. This child is really clever. As soon as she gets on,

next week tune back in and we'll tell you how it works. And I would love if this mom got on. I am never going to be offended or anything if it doesn't work. Every single child is so different. The more you can tell me about your kid,

the more I can help you with that. Because it is hard. Tina's doing this sight unseen, all of these kids. Usually she would work with these kids face to face go to the house was the job that tina used to have i would never ordinarily work with a kid until i've observed them for at least two full days so we need as much information if you are sending an email send in everything you can like this mom just did yeah i love it in terms of that countdown before we leave this one for

this week would it be a good idea in that lead up that countdown to start building that dialogue of wow you really are getting big oh yeah absolutely oh my god three days leading up going whoa i'm seeing changes yeah you're a really big guy suddenly very big yeah i've already noticed that you're really mature. Yeah, absolutely. I think you're able for this. Think. Oh, no, no, no, no, I think. All absolutes. Absolute leading. Okay, okay. Right, well, we'll come back to that.

As you say. We actually have another toileting question on today's show. Okay. It's a very toilety episode. Because it's off completely down a different track. completely down a different track. Tina and Jarneth, your podcast is just fantastic.

No way, he doesn't say that. I love reading it at the start of the email. You're written by Kenny. So simple, so real and genuine. Just like me, quite simple, quite real. And somewhat genuine. Fair play to you, keep it up. I'm emailing you to ask for your help though we have an eight-year-old boy that was getting bullied in school i spoke to the teacher thought it was resolved however after he came back from a school

birthday party recently he was very upset he said some of the boys weren't very nice to him calling him a cry baby all while no adult was around or out of the room which everyone's biggest fear isn't it yeah you don't know how these parties are being policed and they're still only little yeah we feel there is a ringleader and then it's becoming a mob mentality of course it is of course it is well your gut is an amazing superpower you know yeah one boy did stand up to him though like this one white knight stands up and goes this is not okay which was amazing considering their age it's true well that shows me that maybe the teacher has taken it seriously though and had a discussion on bullying and what you should do not to be yeah but this this happened at the party and we've spoken to him on how to defend and stand up for himself

but he has said to her that he thinks that if he says or does anything the other boys won't play with him because they'll think that he's the bully i mean this is tricky because this sounds like a really good kid yeah who desperately can that it's hard to make that delineation isn't it between standing your ground and saying back off when your kid is an empathetic kid who is averse to any kind of confrontation. Yeah. And also we know what we know is that more often than not, the kid who's dealing out the bullying is probably not having a great time at home. Yeah.

Or from other boys somewhere. And the language they're using is language that's been delivered to them, which doesn't excuse any of it. No. But it's just knowing that sometimes when you're feeling so frustrated by this other kid who's making your kid's life, it's just sometimes handy to remember that, you know, this hasn't just sprung out of the air. Yeah. They're delivering things that have been delivered to them that's like and they're like very philosophical about how bullies were bullied themselves it just doesn't do me a lot of good if my kid is being i know but it's when it's little kids bullying other kids you do have to frame it in that well there's something wrong there's something wrong happening

in that kid's life and if they can fix that not these parents but if the teacher can somehow puzzle out what's happening there that can fix everything because that's an unhappy child who wants to make other kids unhappy it's great to have moved away from england and now you can talk about all the kids that there that is not what we can do no but i do remember some years ago a kid completely unrelated to our family and definitely not one of Mikey's friends. Who was getting a hard time from his brother. Yeah. And that's really common.

And his parents weren't seeing it. My brother was eight years older than me and I bullied the shit out of him. Imagine that was the scenario. I do remember the first time I beat my brother up. Like I got the upper hand in a fight with him. Yeah. And feeling like actual remorse. So embarrassed.

You were embarrassed for him. I was younger than him and I overpowered him. Yeah, and he wasn't very well. No, it later emerged that he was quite unwell. So it was a hollow victory. I'm getting off the point here. Look, this is all of our worst fear. I mean, I can't cope if my kid's unhappy even a tiny bit.

Of course. So like my heart goes out to this mother completely. But what she has said is that they did speak to the teacher they thought it was resolved now another incident has occurred where she's saying oh if this took place yeah this definitely isn't fixed no she's right it's not fixed and what i think has happened is that in school it's a result because i feel like the messaging was clear from this teacher you know even the fact that the other kids stood up that is real sign that somebody has said you do not

stand by because this the whole way we message is now is that if you stand by you're a bully too because you you went along with it you're compl, you're a bully too. Because you went along with it. You're complicit. You're complicit. That's a word I couldn't think of. And that is true. You know, you don't stand up. You don't say anything.

You're a complicit little bitch. Childhood. So that's just getting this kid who's not being kind to generalize to different places. Sometimes children really don't do that. They don't generalize behavior. Would you have not sent him to the party? Oh, God, no. I, of course, I would have sent him to the party.

I think maybe, though, you can't leave or you have to let the mom know. Like, it is OK if there's an issue between your kid and another kid to say look sometimes there's been a you know that kid's not very kind so he could just keep an eye on that because obviously you know that kid understands when he's not being watched you're the king of the not leavers though yeah i don't mean that in a brexit theory type way uh even though you you didn't vote to leave see i think eight is still too young for kids not to be supervised yeah you see tina would especially boys in the rafters at a party yeah no i would because looking through a skylight

climbing up on the roof parents always all of this is funny you're not laughing but i think parents always underestimate just how mean kids are to each other and sly and I always say to Jarlett you do one day

on the playground you won't be able to sleep again oh no because Tina was on playground duty for quite some time in England

yeah but I mean as a teacher it's one of your jobs but the things you see on the playground you can't unsee them. It's like Shawshank. Some kids are having the worst time of their life.

I don't know how. And I just feel like there's a certain age, maybe 10, you can finally trust them, but 8, still too young. And that mom doesn't know this. Why would you know this? And if other moms aren't staying, it's hard. But don't worry about that shit. If you think your kid needs you there, you stay. But don't worry about that shit.

If you think your kid needs you there, you stay. Yeah. And make some bullshit excuse as to why I got to have to, you know, the car, you know, whatever. I do remember you sending me to a party where you couldn't stay. And you were like, sure, you stay because we don't know what's happening with X, Y and Z. I was the only dad. And they were so unhappy you were there. They were so pissed off that I stayed. They hadn't planned anything.

They had nothing planned. And I mean nothing. Past the parcel was constructed for my entertainment. The plan was to plonk them in front of something and fire sugar at them. They were six at the time and i mean i'm obviously not talking about mikey here of his friends if anyone's listening to this who's connected to mike these are not the parents if you know this was your party it's not you

but the point was that there was only one way of being sure that your kid was okay. And Mikey was. I feel like what the positives for this mom is, she's gone to the teacher before. It feels like the teacher is taking it seriously. Now what this mom needs to do is get another meeting in with that teacher. Get back in there. And say to the teacher that you feel like you did a great job, but you need to tell them about it. It's everywhere.

Yeah. Bullying isn't just at school. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a really important lesson for them. Because soon they're going to have phones and they're going to need to know that that's wrong. And that's a whole other ballgame. A whole other, whole other.

Oh, my God. The WhatsApp episode we have coming up for you guys. But this poor mom, because it's heartbreaking and i'm so glad she could come to us because like it's jesus you take it way worse than your child puppy does it goes in into your soul and you just feel so helpless but your kid is amazing that he came and told you the fact that he was able to open up communication it is sometimes so hard for that and like it's all you want from your kid and it's so tricky for them sometimes to do it because you know it's embarrassing for them and they're sad but the fact that he could do that is amazing and i definitely

think go to that teacher again tell the teacher um you did a great job that time but now it's i need a bit more help on this and next week on the show we'll follow this back up yeah hopefully we'll have maybe not a perfect ending next week but down the road make sure you're subscribed to honey ruining our kid that way you can follow up on these storylines and find out if the strategies worked and if you want to email the show it's easy honey you're ruining our kid at gmail.com i just want to say very quickly though that I'm really do I'm impressed and I feel like this mum hasn't gone to the mum of that kid

and don't the restraint don't do that yet don't do that yet go back to the teacher first if it gets worse of course come to us

we'll tell you how to do chat do that chat but don't do that yet go back to the teacher you're doing a great job the temptation to go to the house

but it never works out set the family car on phone i mean the temptation though someone's being mean to you oh i mean i would hunt them down i hunt the kid down i'm terrible i'm the lioness that is a different podcast before we go to question number three, I do want to make a recommendation. We never do movie recommendations on the show because when you recommend a movie to a parent... I would recommend you letting me know that we're going to make recommendations on the show.

This has totally sprung on me. Tina does not like surprises on a level like no one you've ever met before. Why didn't you just tell me we're going to do this? Because it's a bit of crack. Okay. A bit of crack. That doesn't, that's not fair. You know, guess what movie I'm going to recommend? Good Boys. Good Boys.

I mean, if you recommend a movie to a parent, it better be good. Because they are not, they have no time for, for, you might like this. I am 1000% staking my reputation on this recommendation. If you're a parent listening to this and if your kid is approaching the tweenage years, you're going to love this movie. It'll freak you out at times.

Yeah, it's a brilliant movie, but I don't think anyone under 12 is not suitable. No, we don't show it to your kids. Oh, you're saying for parents to watch it? For parents to watch. Yeah, absolutely. It's great crap. For parents. We obviously showed it to Mikey

because he's nearly a teenager now. Super mature. Super mature. Yeah, he's ridiculously mature. He is like that Doogie Howser MD kid that was on earlier. I'm saying that. Because he's in the room he is like that doogie has remedy kid that was on earlier i'm saying that because he's in the room with my tongue in cheek he's just walked in the room um but it's called good boys it's out everywhere you can download it and i mean i missed dialogue

from this movie i was laughing so much at previous jokes honestly i was laughing so hard i loved it it was so good really refreshing too and i think well it was embarrassing for mikey to watch it with us probably at times it was embarrassing for us too but uh i loved it loved it good boys that's our movie recommendation for the week final question tina and jarleth uh this is this is a long one I'm sorry Tina rolls her head back in the chair we are exceptionally tired but this is the highlight

of our week this show it's your voice jar I mean I'd be amazed if anyone guesses her question in our show I'm falling asleep because

velvety tomes of drama they must be falling asleep if I am I talk to Tina in bed and she's gone it's like

it's like Dozol it is like Dozol cowpaw cocktail that's my voice she yawns throughout the episode

okay I started potting training potty training my three year old in January

he turned three two weeks ago. He had never shown any signs of being ready to potty train, but I was feeling the pressure from E-C-C-E. Oh, okay. Who's that? Who's E-C-C-E? That's how you get your grant out to cover your nursery. Yeah, so when you go to a nursery or playgroup and you you know they pay you know the thing the government does literally

first time i've ever heard this um i took a week off work to do it and all seemed to be going well there wasn't many accidents we even had poos in the toilet this week that's insane that's really good when i look back it was me bringing him to the toilet regularly and he was not self-initiating yeah no harm in that that but that is what i'm trying to say that you lead it you bring them and then it becomes habit and then they start going oh she was doing the right thing yeah amazing but when he went back to crash and ecce sounds like something you just made up the accident started again he's very shy so i kind of put it down to that you know that he might just be shy. But three months later. Oh, no. And he's still not saying when he needs to go potty.

He's having regular accidents. At home, the accidents are less as I keep on at him, bring him to the toilet. I got so desperate. I started to use the sticker chart to see if that helped. It didn't. Even jellies. But again, he still won't say when he needs to go.

It's just a very strong no that's the mick jagger no this is really sad because she laid such good foundations and then it all went to shite i am feeling quite frustrated at this stage i don't put him in pull-ups at home the creche do yeah see there's the problem there you go we got it we know this is not the first time we've heard this okay so i'll get the rest of this out i get it as he is having accidents that's why they're putting them on he wakes up dry nearly every day oh so we started we just can't get a handle on it at this point um so the final part of this email really quick the crash then said to me that this is obviously the center of this the crash issue so the crash then said to me yesterday that they

think he may need additional help for his second year of ecce oh my god stop doing that but we're very vague on the they were very vague on reasons, just that they see a few minor things that makes them think he may need help. They say he plays well with others, kids, his, with other kids. His speech has improved a lot, but still seem to think that he may need extra support. Okay. What a worrying statement to tell a mother. And so vague. So vague.

I feel so confused. They said it's not to do with the potty training. To note as well, he is the youngest in this thing and he was born on the 30th of December, the day before you, Tina. So if he had been born two days later, he wouldn't even be an ECCE. Would you stop saying that? He's right. It's literally two days in the difference. They wouldn't even be an ecce would you stop saying that she's she's right like it's literally

two days in the difference they wouldn't be having this discussion or doing any of this any advice we massively appreciate okay well first of all what i will say is even though it's such a frightful feeling whenever you're broached about your child and it's like they might need additional help move by that take it take it go yeah okay give it to me what's the harm what is the harm all it's going to do is help your kid you might know as their mom they don't really need that but if he is shy and he's quiet at school there's no harm in it so first of all just be like okay see it as a positive because it will be positive because if he does actually need help, you've already got that in motion. OK, so I will always say to parents, never turn to any extra help. Just take it.

It's only going to benefit your child. Take it. No, but it is. It's so hard to get these additional services. And it won't come against him. No. And if the setting you're in feel like there's a need that's the thing that's going to help him get it faster any help is better than no

help so cool don't worry about that right the second thing is i my heart goes out to this mom because this is not the first time i have heard of a parent toilet training their child doing the best they can but the crèche are unwilling and even though they haven't said this to this mom they're not going to bring your child to the toilet like you have been doing and that is not fair on the kid because for a little while they just need that they need to be brought now i'm a nursery teacher i've taught three-year-olds and four-year-olds montessori teacher where i've taught all the way down to two and a half year olds I would always take that job on anyone I've ever worked with would because that is your responsibility to teach these kids not just their sounds or numbers but their life skills

and I think it's really unfair if you find yourself in a crash that is not willing to do that because that is their responsibility what do you do there's so little they can do because they're a waiting list for that there is a position of power here friends about this yeah there's a position of power here where they're like well we've got loads of people lining up this place so isn't that gross i you know it's probably a lovely setting but that that power is not fair very tough yeah look it's one of the few questions we've had where you're nearly flummoxed because i am a bit flummoxed because if you don't have the crush on side there's very little you can do

now you can sit down and talk to your child and say look we were doing so well at home with this you're going to need to start doing this at school you can't talk to your child you can say everything you do at home with the toilet is perfect now i need you to start telling your teacher when you need to go at school you need to go up and go i need your help during the week and maybe tell the teacher that you have said that as well wow i mean tina i can't wait to hear how this works yeah i need this mom to get back to me i need this mom to come back to me let's follow this all the way through yeah because worst case scenario yeah you sort this in the summer yes only she will though it is gonna happen because this mom sounds incredible she does she naturally did everything i would have told her to

do like she just knew to do that yeah it's really sad when you don't have the support because you're paying she's paying these people to look after her child to help her and they're not helping her they're undoing the work i need yeah like i said i need this mom to get back in touch give me a little bit more detail go give me the absolute timeline of everything she's done and hopefully together we'll be able to help her get her son where he needs to be and like i said they offer you help just take it don't be offended don't worry just see where it goes okay i would suggest maybe do ask for a meeting and ask what are the worries the vagueness they've been with

her it's not okay that's not fair that's just making her worry about everything that's our show for this week tina thank you so much for doing it there's more over on patreon.com forward slash irishman abroad we're going to dig into as we said some of the stories and emails from previous weeks yeah got a reply from somebody to hear how it worked out for them this can be sometimes more valuable than even the first piece of advice that tina gives when we get to see the pivot from just the initial suggestion to what they did and how they mended it or molded it to what they're doing what's this particular reply about well well you see sometimes it's really hard to explain but like when you're trying to correct a behavior and trying to help or you know redirect a behavior it's not going to

work with one swing at it you're going to come in with a strategy and then your kid is always going to push back and it's me i'm always there for when they do and we redirected it another way so it's just like it's all about parents not getting disheartened you know and if you need a night away from this i am on tour i wasn't sure where that was gonna go i was like i'm not babysitting that's the other service that's the premium Patreon could you imagine Tina will come to your house looking after your kids no I'm on tour absolutely everywhere

Liverpool Newcastle Edinburgh Glasgow more London dates coming I'm going to Birmingham Belfast

em Tralee Armagh Derry dates coming soon Galway looks to be Dundalk sold

Dundalk Spirit Store Kerry Just click the link In the info Or go to my Instagram Cork And make sure to be Following us on Instagram

You've got to follow The Honey You're Inning Our Kid Instagram Thank you For all the love I mean it's Really hard to get used to But we were around

A lot of different places Over mid-term And loads of people Were coming up Saying how much They loved the show I opened the boot Of my car in Bray and a man slagged me for the amount of sneakers I had

hanging out of the boot of the car. And his wife went, you're the guy from Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid. I was like, I am Jonathan Rigg of the Stand Up Pavilion. It's unbelievable. And I never know what to say when people come up, but it's so kind. It is. It is absolutely. It's so kind. So thank you. And I never know what to say when people come up, but it's so kind.

It is. It is, absolutely. It's so kind. So thank you. And thank you for listening. I'm getting in touch. Come on over. Patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad

for a little bit more.