Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Ep 34 How To Get Respect Back, Talk To Kids About WhatsApp & That One Relative (You Know The One)

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

You're not the only parent on the verge of losing it completely with your kids. How can you reach a kid that appears spoiled beyond repair? We hear from one mom who can’t handle her child's entitled behaviour anymore. Tina has some tactics to help those of us that are trying to ignore the most disrespectful little darlings. How do you get the respect back to where it should be fast. Is Dad the good guy and Mom the enforcer in your house? Does your kid treat both parents alike or do they save all the glorious annoying stuff for you? Tina has seen it all before and knows the fastest way back to a respectful fun home. WhatsApp groups are back to haunt us! How do we teach our children to manage this new social jungle. What is the etiquette of the WhatsApp group when nothing seems to be set in stone? How do you condition your child to observe the "dos and don’ts" of text messaging. It's a struggle for grownups. What chance do our kids have? Thankfully there is light at the end of the tunnel. This week's episode finishes with our favourite and bravest question yet. What can we expect from relatives we have entrusted with our kids for the day? If you leave your child in their care are you entitled to updates or is a physically well child all you can hope for? Should you just have to be grateful to have the help. We absolutely disagree on this one. Get in touch by emailing - [e-mail] - if you have a different answer. We need to hear from you? How are you coping? Not every questions have to be read out on the show but Tina replies to them all. Our proud partner for this episode is buymie.ie - Dunnes Stores groceries delivered to your home in as little as an hour? That will definitely help your parenting stress levels go down.

Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid with Jarleth and Tina. A Go Loud Parenting Podcast proudly sponsored by BuyMe. The only way to get done stores delivered to your door in as little as an hour. Shop the full range of grocery products handpicked by your BuyMe personal shopper. T's and Z's apply. You're very welcome to the turmoil episode of you're ruining our kid you got turmoil in your house then your house is pretty normal yeah but no house is ever plain sailing at any moment in time but this week we've got three questions around that kind of turmoil that sense that

is my kid doing this because of all of the mad stuff and how frenetic our life is at the moment? Three doozies, Tina. How has your week been? Oh, look, we, you know, everyone's had a mad week, I'm sure. But we just haven't had a great run of luck lately. We've been at so many funerals. It's like, oh, my God. And I feel selfish to say that that's our luck because it's obviously just it's part of our life and other people's oh no it's just so depressingly

sad and all this like there just seems to be a bad juju in the air or something my auntie got in touch today to say she had a mass set for us i was like that's the most father for you and me for our family that is that is the most father ted thing i've ever heard the most father dead thing i've ever heard but i was like going on you know we we won't say no to it but i always think that that's living that's life it's the rough and the smooth yeah and it's very philosophical of me to say and i'd imagine that if you're going through a tough time right now the last thing you want to hear is somebody going, well, sure, isn't that life? I mean, it is. I'm not religious at all.

But this week we went to one of the saddest funerals I've ever been to. And the man who had passed away was religious. And it got me thinking, God, is it just easier sometimes? Oh, that was Charlotte Recon's phone. It got me thinking sometimes. Sometimes maybe, you know, even if you don't believe in it maybe it's just easier to pretend i mean what do you mean i don't know i was sitting there in a church and because i knew that this lovely man who'd been through a fucking nightmare had this fate and then the priest was explaining that fate to his children and then they were like it's all gonna be okay i was like maybe sometimes this religion is is nice

because those kids were like my dad's gonna be fine because he's going where he told us he's going and now this priest well i massive church is telling us that. I fundamentally believe that that's why religion came about was that you needed a sense that everything was going to be okay. It's one of the only, it's one of the few times it's ever made sense to me because it really seemed to help those kids. Well, we've done a bunch of episodes around grief in the last couple of weeks, bunch of questions around it because it is one of the biggest challenges you're going to face like let's face it it's the it's a fascination for all kids finality just numbers time infinity all of that it's so funny how philosophical and metaphysical

the thoughts of youngsters is and then it gets knocked out of you as you go along and you stop thinking about the eternal well they speak so much more sense than we do about everything. But like, I mean, it ripped our hearts out of our chest this week. That was one of the toughest things I've ever been to. But even if your turmoil isn't around loss, like a lot of the turmoil

that we're seeing in the world today relates to the very basic stuff like housing and cost of living and just getting by on a shoestring yeah uh we we have we don't have the answers i mean at the end of the day this podcast has never presented itself as we will solve all your problems but coming here and hearing what other people are going through might make you feel less alone. And as a result, this podcast is creating a community of moms, dads, parents, guardians who are emailing us at honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com. Loads of people who aren't parents are emailing us on behalf of their friends who are parents.

And also we did the lotto tonight. So if we win the 70 million, we will share it. Yeah, yeah. Just disperse it. We will disperse it we will disperse it among one dollar among every one of the 70 million listeners that we have uh let's get straight into it though tina we got some doozies here for you guys to listen to this week hey yo honey you're ruining our kid is my all time favorite parenting pod.

Like your email or last week, I've struggled to get through any other parenting podcast. I just can't stand the lecturing. But that is not what we get with your podcast. So thank you so much for making it. I've got a very special question for you this week. is it wrong to ask grandparents or relations to text or call if they have to go somewhere while watching your kiddos not that i don't trust them i just would like to know where my child is looking forward to your reply anonymous i mean first of all thank you for the kind words oh my god that's such a great question. That's amazing.

Because it's incredible the insult that this can cause. Simply asking, could you let me know if you decide to go bowling or if you decide to take them off somewhere? And that is very much of another time, Mary, isn't it? This is very much. Yeah. Well, I think that the thing is they go straight to offense but actually you're just so worried about leaving them that just for your own peace of mind you would like to know where they are who are you telling yeah who are you telling this is this this question i'm really afraid to ask is Is very tricky because. I know that people listen to me. It also depends on the people.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. So you nearly have to ask yourself. Well am I. Am I comfortable with this? Am I comfortable. You have to be totally comfortable with the people.

That you're giving your kids over to. Yeah. And it sounds like. She's not. You do a very good joke about this. What's that that i love it that you say that you know the people who are the most tired at your shows oh yeah well this isn't the new show so you just give me a little preview of the new uh stand-up show that uh there's two

types of people at the show there's people that have kids and people that don't and the people who have kids at the show are more important yeah because they have spent more to be here they have literally paid yeah local teenagers it's so funny when you think about it it's like little like just because they're local yeah not because they're trustworthy because they're the best teenagers available in the postcode yeah to entrusted their firstborn with these teenagers or worse yeah elderly relatives who they completely disagree with on how kids should be raised this is my favorite joke because like all of my jokes are just jokes right but yeah there's always truth right the the truth is what's funny yeah you do trust these teenagers you're obviously

she's not talking about teenagers that are taking these kids out on play dates but when it is the older generation that think i should be entitled to do what i want with your kid when I have him in my care. This is the thing, though, Charlotte, isn't it? That when you do have people who are willing to mind your child and let you go out, you actually have to go all the wheels out the window a little bit. Tina. Definitely, I did. You should be grateful. Is that what you're saying?

Yeah. No, no, as in I was grateful. I was grateful that if your kid is happy with that person, that's the only thing that matters. It's a bonus if they let you know where they're going to be. Because you're just like, you're just trying not to blow it the whole time. And lose that person who will take care of your kid. You're like, I've got this one person who my kid actually likes going to. They feel safe there.

That person loves them back. I know they're going to feed them. I have the answer. What is it? I have the answer. Track them. Oh, God. You're always trying to do that.

The apple chip. You can't do that, Charlotte. That's against the law. Look, people are putting these on their dogs. They're putting them in their kids. You can't put it on your grandparents' car. Backpack. You literally put it in your kids um shoe and wherever they are with them you know where they've gone i'm sorry that's the life the basis of this is she shouldn't be able to ask no i'm sorry no i'm sorry i did it i did an episode once of a podcast i made called men behaving better

and the question in men behaving better in this episode was at christmas should i call out my relatives on their racist chat yeah i loved the men behaving better podcast okay thank you but But the opinion was split. Okay. Even these super woke comedians that I was talking to were like, I don't know if you're going to change your family or you're going to change the dynamic of you. Essentially, that's what I'm saying is that you have to think of. So you're saying accept it. These people are giving up their time to mind your kid as long as you know that your kid is happy feel safe there then you got to kind of

roll with the bunches because you can't be ungrateful they're giving up their time yeah and i think that um you know once your kid has loved back they're happy to have your kid if there's any of those are the problems that those are red flags but if it's just that in the spur of the moment they decide to take your kid out i absolutely think you should know these things but i don't think you're going to get to know them right so what is an apple uh chip jaron i'm so not on board with that that's just wrong that's an invasion of privacy you either trust the person or you don't What is an Apple chip? Gerilyn, I'm so not on board with that. That's just wrong. That's an invasion of privacy.

You either trust the person or you don't. I think it's a safety thing with your kid. No. Come on, honey. That's chipping your kid, essentially. No. What? No, hon.

This is wrong. What's wrong with that? No. Hold on. You're telling me. You're telling me that you would put one of those in your kid's bag. If your kid has a mobile phone, you're telling me you're telling me that you you you would put one of those in your kid's bag when your kid has a mobile phone you're already tracking them that's different you can't trust them anymore they're teenagers and they're little they're they're grand but they're still able to contact you at that point but if they're with their elderly relatives they can say mom

just let you know they're taking me to the cliffs of moher and they're insisting i scale them on my own is this normal is this a family thing there's a rope bridge they want me to tricky enough question because the apple air tag no 33 54 that's all it's going to cost you your th is like mikey has this movie you just said 33 you're losing your hearing say it again 33 54 again you can get yourself an apple air tag on amazon and all of this problem goes away i'm not talking from that point on you know exactly where your kid is and if they take him out no this is so if your kid gets abducted you'd be pretty happy you've got the apple there tag no hon come on i mean this is crazy now what if you're leaving she said she's leaving them with his grand his or her

grandparents you can't tag that kid you have to trust them that your dad did at dinner when i said what's the difference between scallions and spring onions and he said there's a big difference and i said what is it and he goes well there's a big difference you're doing that you can't do it no you can't it's an invasion no it's what no you either no look they either have to be brave and say i need to know or you don't need to know you can't just sneak behind their back and tag your child and then pretend not to know where they went. My question is, do I have a right to know the whereabouts of my child? You do. That is the question in this email.

And of course, in a perfect world. If I do, then I have a right to stick a tag in their shoe. I am going to disagree with you on this. And I would love to hear what you guys think on this this might be the biggest disagreement we've had on the podcast yeah we might have to open it up because for me i just knew i you were way all the time working i needed someone i could rely on i was so grateful for that and i was not going to rock the boat because i knew my kid was happy and loved so what if you're talking about it from a dad?

What if the person that you this is what it comes down to. And please don't eat hunky dories on the podcast. Everyone can hear you crunching on the microphone. Sorry. She's munching down the hunky dories. This is not a product placement, even though you can get hunky dories on buyme.ie. If this is that we are agreeing are agreeing okay you're saying be grateful you've got somebody to look after you no no i'm saying it's not fair but you have to you kind of

have to weigh it up and think is it worth the hassle you know well uh my point is that people can find themselves having to having to i demand some time with your my niece and now it's like oh my god i've got to let the kid stay with this uncle and he is barely able to take care of himself no you don't ever have to do that that's ridiculous this happens you mightn't think it happens but it does people hand over their kids to people they're like let me know where you're gonna be with the kid and they're like yeah we will see it like seven yeah no i get every you need an apple air tag in your kid's shoe i want to hear your opinions on this honey you're ruining our kid at gmail.com to tag or not to tag that's the question

tina and jared i have a question for you guys i love this straight to the point To tag or not to tag? That's the question. Tina and Jareth, I have a question for you guys. I love this. Straight to the point. What do you do when your kid sends sexual emojis to another student? Sexual. Sexual. Sex. Stimulator.

This parents worry to me. You're laughing away. This parent's worried to me You're laughing away This kid's 11 What kind of punishment do you do I love this She's like Skip all the discussion around I love this parent

Let's just cut to the chase I'm not talking to her about this How hard am I to come down on this kid I love it what kind of punishment would you do she's 11 fifth class she's mortified but the school are involved now and it's an absolute mess oh no to say the very least love the podcast keep them coming firstly straight to the point email has to be said i love must be a west of arlington i think i have to explain the stimulator stimulator mikey is playing a game called farming simulator simulator

yeah and every time i say it i say how's the form farming stimulator but your whole family can't say the word simulator mom can the whole family says like you're on the horse stimulator down at the jockey center where they train the jockeys the jockeys are all getting the ride off the horse stimulator and i'm like i fucking hope not they're not meant to be in there that's for the stud farm that has a function it's so embarrassing and tonight on the way home i noticed one of the parents from mikey's school and i was like hey how are you and then it's me pulling the car talks out the window yeah i was so excited because this woman's actually nice to me the kids wearing a john deere people who speak to me at the school we go to sorry kids wearing a john deere tractor reindeer tractor hat and tina says oh you uh into farm stimulator too

jared it's fades and i'm like oh no i did it again because it's like three or four times a day like i i find tina's mispronunciation is funny like anthony hopskins i've stopped doing triantula these are all funny farm stimulator sorry that's just like virgin and the sexual it's gots to go sexual emoji so I'm assuming aubergines

peaches or maybe it's like what happened to it in our group you know that weird Japanese cartoon that was shared

back in back when we lived in England one kid accidentally sent some manga porn. Oh, like a few times. The one gif of some pretty explicit manga porn.

It was so graphic. It was like a split second of a moment of excitement. It was terrible. Because Mikey ran over to show me and i was like oh you didn't even know what he's looking at he's so he was so much more i'm more innocent than mikey he ran over and was like mommy look at this this is not good and i was like that's grand it's very cute and he was like mommy no it's like another look it's like a magic eye puzzle tina was like oh took me forever that's not a pole and then by the time i figured that was not a pole

it's not a tube she's not going up and down the pole at all um no by the time i'd figured it out his mother had totally handled the situation but in between that the poor child had tried to delete and actually resent the same gif maybe a hundred times it was awful it was awful it was miraculous that he returned to school but they're such nice kids so they were amazing class this is the tricky thing here what's going on with the kids in this whatsapp group they obviously all ratted around but your kids are coming into contact with weird stuff way sooner way weirder than when was the first time tina that you saw something resembling pornography that's my question for you um i still haven't last week i'm very very innocent girl and not like a born mag or a playboy or something i'll tell you when

it was i was 11 years old and i was working in a little mini market close to where I lived. And the man who owned the mini market was doing some dodgy dealings. Like all mini market owners. No shame in it. People would come in and do a wink and a nudge to me and I'd have no clue what was going on. I'd like to meet Mr. Skin. He would come out and uh he would take the thing out the panel out of the ceiling and get the dirty mags exchange yeah dirty mags

fire lighters i don't know what are they called those things fireworks fireworks and uh i hated that job so i just stopped turning up i was only getting paid like one, 50p an hour, I think. Well, a few things for those of you that aren't familiar with 1990s Ireland. The Playboy magazine only became legal in Ireland in 1994. And I can remember the first issue going on the shelf and lads in my class trying to go in to get their hands on it. Really? Wow, that's so interesting because like it was so weird to me.

I was like completely confused as a woman as to why men wanted to look at the imagine how these girls feel yeah they may not know the meaning of these emojis but they know that they're being sent oh no they do though because we know that we know that in school they are doing such a better job now preparing these kids for this stuff so she sent her question is what am i going to punish this kid with i don't think she needs punishment she's got enough punishment as it is i mean can you imagine the mortification of this i once wrote a letter to a guy and i'm still embarrassed by that you mentioned today you have a recurring time when you face palm yourself what

was that about yeah it was sports day dad's race i've talked about it a lot yeah yeah you relive that a lot like she's gonna relive this that's enough punishment for her just be kind just be kind to her guide her truth it sounds like this mom tell her not to do this again tell the school you know we all make mistakes they're learning we're learning as grown-ups okay well she seems adamant that a punishment is needed right that tells me that we're not hearing everything right so she's saying what punishment is appropriate here it's a question of phone restrictions yeah uh but i think it comes down to trust right yeah so i've talked about this before where you know you can monitor everything on your kid's phone you can it's possible to do

it you can install things i have a question for you why aren't we doing that yes yeah because it's faith and trust i have total faith and trust in him he doesn't trust us he deletes all his history on his phone every time we look something up. Yeah, but I can still check it here. I can still check it here. Can you really do that? I have the same Google account as him. And it's possible for me to restore the deleted history. I just feel so old and decrepit when it comes to this stuff.

Decrepit? Yeah, I don't understand it. I'm like, I barely understand my own phone. You feel like an old pirate ship when it comes to this stuff um look we're all gonna feel that at some point um and i always think that surrendering to that idea of oh i don't know what they're up to now with the phones that's exactly where they want you yeah that's what they want but if these muppets that can barely like do maths can figure out so clever now no no i'm saying there's people in the world who are figuring out how to use all of this technology you can too and it's a simple google it's a simple youtube video away. Don't quit on it. Don't quit.

You're right. Do not accept that I'm old now and I don't know. You're right. I did that for probably 10 years. And now I do so much more technologically than I ever thought possible. I've trained myself up in all this stuff. And it took a week. You're right.

It took a week of focus. We have to keep up with our kids. We've got to keep up with the took a week we have to keep up with our kids we've got to keep up with the tech and we've got to keep up with our kids because otherwise they're heading down some dark corners of the internet they really don't know how to get out of and they can see things that will haunt them and trouble them and perhaps put something up there that they can't get back yes yes and that's very when it comes to these emojis and that it is a slippery slope towards that um there's so many horror stories but punishment mightn't be the answer yeah i still don't think it is because what's the answer then i think you this girl is probably if you're not gonna punish yeah let's say let's say we're taking punishment off the table well i know what you should do you have to inform her of what's happened make sure she understands the consequence

of what's happened and then you're right you still need to say i trust you i love you but you're on a warning now if you do it it again. Then what? Then there's a consequence. What's that consequence? You lose your phone. For how long? This is the thing. It's like. Yeah, like this is the thing. It's not realistic.

That like with punishment. This is why this email is in. Because it's like, what's a realistic punishment? You say, I'm going to take your phone. You're saying, I'm going to end your life. You will cease to exist socially with your friends. But you're right. Like, it's not realistic to say you can take their phone because you actually need them to have a phone yeah but this is my point is that this is why this email is coming you can take whatsapp

away from their phone though you can delete that for a little while you can you can still communicate through email or viber yeah but it's not going to be a text message i mean i just think there's here's here's my recommendation right sitting down with your kid and watching something like the social dilemma oh that's brilliant well done like sorry sit down tune them in you love them and you want to take care of yeah that's. That's where your concern comes from. That's what I'm talking about. The empathy. No punishment. Just come on. Be on their side. You know, people didn't want to wear safety belts when they got installed in cars.

They said that what if the car crashes and I can't get out because of the safety belt? Then everybody started to understand that these things were preventing more deaths than anything else on the road. It's just the same with us sitting down together and talking about how dangerous the internet is you can't see the dangers until it's done until the car is crashed watch something with them you know we'll probably link a documentary to somebody who's had their life destroyed by one terrible decision yeah on their social media i do think you're right i think as parents of children age 10 up we have to take this shit so seriously we have to try and reach them somehow because they don't tend to listen to us that's why we're so reliant on these schools doing

this and somehow get it true to them that the footprint is that what they call it that you leave on the internet it's permanent it's permanent yeah and we're in it together that's the other thing i'd say to this mom just make sure they know i guess we're in it together this is also the excellent email the family's reputation yeah this is your father's job and my job i mean it is terrifying yeah it's terrifying like we've had a lot of issues at the moment in mikey's whatsapp group and it's always the girls so maybe there's a you know a thing with girls they need to find try and reach them somehow in a different way it's funny because uh the the statistics and the reports that i hear and what i've read is around a lot of teenagers being absolutely shit scared to do anything now

yeah that they're afraid to literally hook up with each other for fear of being filmed oh that's so sad yeah so so you know we are in the wild west like i think we will look back on this time and go wow we didn't have any regulation on that then and in the same way we look back on dial-up internet and go are you kidding me oh my gosh the pain of dial-up internet i think that uh there's probably going to come a day when the government and governments get on the same page around this but for now today you know they did that vaping thing where they've made it illegal for anyone under the age of 16 to vape or buy one i was like shocked that they could they could at what age 16 i was really shocked by that holy flip i know flippity whip i was really shocked i mean there you go that's that's probably the best example i just

think this question leaves me with a troubled feeling because i've got a kid this age and i know it's really i think the punishment needs to be sitting down and watching something together i think she actually needs to have the school do the punishment not her don't make it personal let her have the if there's going to be anything let it be the school that imposes because that is she's going to take that way more seriously than if you do it. And maybe you can spur the school on to do that. Anyway, let us know how you get on. Please let us know.

And we will, of course, fill you guys in if you're members over on patreon.com forward slash Irishman abroad. I asked you a while ago, Tina, what was the most trouble that you ever got in as a kid? And you had the most boring answer of all time because you were such a good kid, reliable to a fault. I remember myself being good, but maybe I wasn't. Well, the sense I get from being around your parents is that you were a very

sarcastic teenager. What? I mean, that was just, and you know, you were that way when I met you. You were a teenager when I met you. Yeah. And, you know, it was very much like I groomed you from the age of 19.

I was 18, you were 19, you were grooming me. Oh, God, I wish it wasn't so dark. That is not funny. That is very dark. I am really trying to rinse that thing for humour, but it is hard. It is too hard. What he did is terrible.

I'm so disappointed in him. The funniest thing was the Eamon Holmes interview. Oh, my God. He was like... Gather round, children. Grandad is going to tell you what's really going on at this morning. Go on, grandad. What's happening?

It's very bad. Yeah, we're all on board with that. And I think nobody likes him. You're like, okay. We're all hanging on. I don't know at what point in that interview did you look at me and go, what the fuck are we watching?

Oh my God, because I was like, let's tune into this. And Gerard was like, what? And I was like, come on, Gerard. Tune into this. It's going to be like... It's going to be amazing. We'll really get the info.

And then it was just Eamon Holmes being like, I can't say I ever knew or didn't know, but like, isn't it terrible? It was so strange. He was so that guy from Dairy Girls. Yeah, he really was Kevin McAleer. Now, I tell you, when I used to work on This Morning, we got a taxi over from the hotel. And who'd pay for the taxi?

No, I didn't keep the receipts. It's so true. Oh, God. But it's still so dark. Oh, it'sipts. It's so true. Oh, God. But it's still so dark. Oh, it's awful. It's terrible. Because, you know, there's a victim in the middle of this. And also, we lived in England.

And that's Holly Willoughby. Yeah. We lived in England, though, and I was like, this guy, he's a really great guy. He's a really great guy. I really trusted him. You even let him skip the queue for the Queen. You were like, yeah, but likeilip would never do that intentionally and but now david queued up twice david beckham honestly i'll queue up twice because the people that obviously holly and philip have made it

they've made it you know it's made it themselves i'll queue up twice for them and we'll be even no david that'll slow down the queue what but like really i thought this guy's just a lovely guy and then uh you're right judgy guy yeah he was a bit well now now it's clear now in retrospect you know that's the thing of i told you so is that you're like well maybe he was a bit judgy and maybe he was a bit, you know, but I'm just so sad that this happened. Also, it really resonates in Ireland because everyone grew up where someone was outed at some point. As a paedophile. In the community as a paedophile. You know, that is tragically true.

What priest? Was there a priest in your area? There was a priest in mine. Yeah. Well, the priest that I know of the most was... No name names. I looked at Tina and they're like, don't do it unless he's in prison. But I know that where my mom grew up, a family in the area took in somebody as their own son.

No. He went on to become a priest they sent him to that school they sent their grandchildren there and he abused all of their grandchildren oh my god it was just it was so heartbreaking it actually made the the granddad have a heart attack when he found out it's awful there's no happy yeah like there's no this is the most back home in ireland you've ever been there's no happy ending terrible terrible terrible story terrible you know the this evening at dinner uh speaking of farming stimulator mikey sat at the table with his brand new irish accent turning to his cousin and discussing what is the best tractor.

Yeah, it's so true. It's really serious. Like he was talking about Premier League footballers. Massey Ferguson is the best, but the John Deere looks the best. Yeah. I think what he said was the John Deere may look the best, but it's not the best performer. And Jarla turned to me and said

get Aidan Kennedy and Dermot Buttle on the phone they're going to love this. And again you did your dad there. Nobody knows who the fuck Aidan Kennedy and Dermot Buttle are. You know. Listening to this. Like what are you doing? Aidan listens. Hello Aidan. Hello Sarah in Dubai. Tina's dad has a

habit of dropping into conversation show me a chimney tum. And I'm like, Mick, I don't know who that is. Because you do. I'm like, I really don't. We started out with this long tangent with who you were as a teenager before we go into this final question.

Because some of the challenges you're having with your kid i really think if you cast your mind back to who you were then it might be easier to handle their shocking and annoying counter uh like anti-authority anti-establishment behavior because you did it too but you know what i find is the hardest even with all my experience all my training i find that i still go to but i'm a really nice mom why are you being mean to me you know i feel like i'm i'm on your i'm you know i'm trying i'm hip i'm cool yeah i'm hip i'm cool like honestly i do find myself thinking good mom and mean girls yeah i do find myself thinking that because i'm like why are you being so mean to me but i'm on your side how can you

possibly be mean to me right now this morning i tried to hit my h there um mikey was being really rude to me sorry mikey Mikey, for calling you out. And then you said, do you want to come over and feed the dogs or something? And then what happened that he was like... I said, Mikey, are you going to annoy me? And he said, no, I'm only going to annoy her. Yeah. I'm only trying to annoy her.

Yeah. He said that much? He already said those words. I'm loud. I was like yeah I'm only trying to annoy her yeah he said that he already said those words I'm loud I was like I was looking to the audience I was trying to look

for the audience and go Tina look to the camera I was like look see what I mean see see

but like I just made because I know I was a gent as a kid I just wondered what kind of a kid you were and exactly how how challenging you were

because i know i was very independent from a very young age you are like i love how willful you are i was very independent i don't go along with willful but i know that i walked myself to nursery you said your ambition in life was to be a single mother yeah i just didn't understand why you would ever tie yourself down with a husband yeah i used to age of four be like i can't wait to be a mom a single mom do it on my own but um i know that i definitely wouldn't allow anyone to bring me or collect me from nursery. Nursery? Three years old.

Play school. I'll take myself to school. Thank you very much. I know that my auntie Pat Godrester was visiting one point and she turned up to collect me from play school. And I stomped the whole way home, age three, and gave out to my mother for the idea that anyone would collect me from nursery. Like, that's terrible. It does remind me of that TikTok video that's doing the rounds, and we'll drop in the audio

of the kid getting off the bus and going, Mom, terrible sandwich. I haven't seen this. By the way, Mom, terrible sandwich. Okay, let's get to a final question. Hey, Jarlath and Tina, I absolutely love your show. I tell everyone I meet to listen to it. I hope not.

I hope you're not meeting every single person. Postman's here. By the way, have you heard of this parenting podcast? If I'm honest, hearing other people's parenting problems really does help me feel like i'm not the only one crying into my pillow at night we've all done that we've all done that here is my problem i can't deal with my kids spoiled behavior anymore my eight-year-old daughter is so disrespectful, she just doesn't listen to anything. Now, the simplest demands take 100 times for her to do.

100 reminders, I assume, right? She isn't to ask her 100 times to do things. Her attitude is just disgustingly out of control eight years old wow she thinks she runs things and can do whatever she wants on her time she has her father wrapped around her finger i feel so alone this is tough this gets tougher and tougher i can't question yeah I can't handle it anymore. I'm really about to lose it. Yeah.

And all jokes aside. That's not fun. That's no crack. And also, you're talking mental health here. Yeah, there's nothing more disempowering than feeling like you have no control over your child. And the answer lies within her questionnaire unfortunately until she gets her husband on side and clear about what they want from their daughter what's expected what the boundaries are she's losing so it's not even a problem with her child here yeah her kids not

the issue i go i go on oh yeah no no like this is gonna be the quickest answer we've ever given yeah because she doesn't even have to worry about her kid she just needs to get her husband on site easier said than done oh because number one i know husband will know he's the favorite oh yeah and that is a position that is luxurious oh Oh, yeah. She's the caps. I'm really on your side. Tina's leaned back in her chair, looking at me, nodding her head like, the truth is coming out, ain't it, Jar? Do you know what sometimes is really tough for me?

When I'm in school and I'm in my classroom, I am the fun teacher. I am strict, but I am so fun. All the kids really tend to like me and i know that that sounds really boastful but you know that's your rep i've witnessed this lads yeah it's like like i'm not gonna go on about this because it'll just inflate her ego too much no no no no no when she'd walk by the fence on her day off the kids would run to the fence like the beetles were going by and it's really beautiful because they know that i love them absurd and they're like mrs regas hey oh my god yeah she's not putting top on that that is what happens but in my own kids oh yeah jarlett is the

man mommy is so mean it's definitely changed there was there It's definitely changed. There was a time when I was the daddy in this email where I really didn't do much disciplining, if any. No. And I built you up too much, to be honest.

Because you were always away. I would be saying, isn't Dad the best? Daddy's working so hard for us. I'd built you up. And I'd be doing the opposite thank god that bitch is gone we'd be out of like that's just the two of us now when's she back no i wouldn't do that but by not doing that what you were doing, I was doing it. By not being there and being a united front, it was creating a cognitive dissonance, if you want to call it that, between his expectation from one parent, expectation from another, clarity on the rules. So she's doing this because she knows I'll look at dad and he'll go honey take it easy

yeah and that's all they need the tiny gap in the door absolutely i was the gap in the door uh but the second we straighten that out things improved that's not to say that they're perfect no of course but it's never going to be perfect no it never is there's no such thing no but this is easy question this has nothing to do with your little girl right now. But maybe when you get your husband to get on the same page as you, maybe there will be other stuff. So get back in touch. How do you get him on the same page if he is reluctant to do so?

If he's not married to a guy like me. Well, it's true. If he's enjoying being the hero. Can be tough. This is my point. Yeah, that can be tough. So what you got to, I think, do is bring him around by saying, put yourself in my shoes. Let's reverse the roles.

That's what I had to do to you. Let's hear how you would feel if she only wanted to hang out with me and every time you appeared in the room it was like ah the cops are here because justin you can use and weaponize his elevated position against him because the thought of losing it and actually realizing that oh my god can you imagine what that would be like and go that's me that's me hon that's who i am and we're not asking to have you put down or put down in the gutter no we're going to get both of us on a level place where we're your folks we can have fun yeah but at the end of the day bedtime means bedtime from both of us and i really would love to hear from this person and see how this pans out because that's simple change if you can get your husband on side

like it's gonna be night and day right this can happen quite quick oh yeah but she is gonna need probably need a little bit more help then because there's gonna be a period of it being like yeah oh she's falling into line and then she's going to push back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. OK, right. Well, we have an awful lot more to get through over on Patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. We will be talking more about Philip Schofield. Tina's got another question back from somebody. Who is the person that's getting back this week, Tina? You don't know? OK.

She doesn't have the email to hand. That's OK. We'll be talking about consent and, of course catholic schools trying to teach sex education which is always a little bit tricky you can get access to that and bonus episodes extra content every single week and a huge archive for your long walks away from the family where i chat to the greatest Irish people ever to have lived yeah we're talking Tom Dunn

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