Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Ep 38 Summer Holiday Kid Wrangling Cheat Codes & More

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

How the hell are we supposed to manage these little monsters/darlings for the next few weeks. Summer panic is upon us. Tina revisits the "tapas meal technique" that has changed countless listeners' lives and meal times. One mom gets in touch who is struggling to accommodate her child’s dinner requests. What do you do when they refuse to eat the requested dinner. We have to take the power back. Allow your child to think they are in control while you pull all the strings. Everyone is happy when tummies are full. What do you do when a 4 year old's behaviour is off the reservation. When she’s stumbling round the house like an 80s glam rock star leaving a trail of destruction behind her. Tina thinks this is an easy fix. Tina also recommends introducing a visual planner that will change your summer. Let your kids in on the plan. Inform them of the rules and your expectations. Give them the chance to show you how good they can be. Once they know what’s expected they will play ball. This is our July episode for the summer. We will record an August one too and then it will be back to business as usual in September with season 2 of Honey! You’re Ruining Our Kid. The email will remain open. Tina is here for you guys this summer. So keep those questions coming in [e-mail]. Happy summer holidays everyone, thank you for supporting our show and helping it grow. We are so grateful. Download the buymie.ie app today and use the offer code "HONEY10" for a lovely little treat on us.

Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid with Jarleth and Tina, a Go Loud Parenting podcast proudly sponsored by Buy Me, the only way to get done stores delivered to your door in as little as an hour. Shop the full range of grocery products handpicked by your Buy Me personal shopper. T's and Z's apply. Welcome to the most challenging part of every parent's year. The time when they're forced to be with their kids for what seems like months and months. Summer, summer, summer time. You can feel it. You can feel it in the air.

People getting stressed at the thought. Wherever you are right now, wherever you're listening to this maybe you're taking a suss bug out for a stroll while you claw at your eyes and ask yourself how am i related to these people that you burned it you know i my heart goes out to you because well a lot of clubs are being signed up to this morning we've only got one tina yeah there's only one kid here who we adore how well I guess when you've got people, you can leave them to take care of themselves when there's a bunch of them. Yeah.

Which is, you know... Mikey definitely wants to be entertained. Yeah. Well, I made the mistake early on in his life of... Becoming his best friend. Becoming his best pal and being down on all fours at all times with him and doing characters like Captain Hook

and all of these people and then he just that was all he wanted to do was like let's play now i guess for the next three and a half hours while you swigged wine in the other room i mean that's yeah yeah i mean that's the dream what's she doing in there swigging wine eating cheese i mean it was just love to do that right now it was abuse it was abuse i loved every minute of it but it is a whole new ball game yeah uh your kids now as they head into their teenage years or around that oh yeah super entitled 12th year of their life well it definitely is the hardest summer approaching because our kid seems to think that he's his own man now and that he has his own plans he doesn't think he's left in the morning he can just get up and do whatever he wants i think a lot of kids hit 12 and they

they're told you're leaving school yeah and they hear he i'm turning 21 i mean i guess i gotta get out in the world here and like yeah because like i was a bit thrown yesterday because we had our son's graduation and after the graduation he just went okay we're all going to the dome and i was like no no you're supposed to ask can you and then like and he was like and by the way we're going out for dinner but it was a real like i'm sure that we're not the only ones. Like, he's a great kid. Really great kid. But being swept along in the half-arsed plans of other kids.

But so last minute, like, so I was like, you can't throw these plans at us this last minute. Well, you know what was the challenge for us? You kept saying that I was undermining you the whole time it's because i kept going look we can't get him to come around today yeah we like today is the day when we just have to be like i was like we can't just let you we're not gonna do anything unsafe but we can't get him not to be like, guys, this is what we're doing. Yeah, well. That ship has sailed. We needed to get in earlier and be like, look, there's a lot of kids are going to be talking crazy about making arrangements to celebrate their graduation. It was something we were not prepared for.

I was gobsmacked when he came up and was like, yeah, I'm going to the dome and then I'm going to the restaurant. And I was like, and how are you going to get there? Walk. Oh, yeah. From town to another town because we live in the middle of nowhere so basically the dome is in one town and the restaurant they were going to is in another town i was like oh you're all gonna walk there okay all right we'll see you tomorrow so like to generalize and bring this out further yeah to all the parents that are out there now on their holidays with their own plan for the summer this is the challenge yeah you got to keep everyone in your plan yeah we all have to

keep children the sense of them having their own ideas for what they want to do with their summer even little kids yeah that are like well i don't want to do that and it's like well i've spent a fortune arranging this so end of story well at 12 they do seem impossible to please like just in passing last night mikey said well i obviously have my plans for the weekend and i was like well could you let me in on them because i'm obviously the one who's gonna have to facilitate these plans but yeah he's gonna get it like this is the other thing i was like let's not stress about this because like at the end of the day you're not going anywhere yeah but he will without my car because we yeah that's true but like i'm just like like yesterday you taught me this yeah but you don't go into every little row with them on these things that you just

go okay well we'll see yeah and then there comes a point when he has to beg you to do it well he has never begged you go on the grounds of uh you can't say that you want to do that but like you're you're the parent yeah but this is okay i the boss i the boss full disclosure i find that because i've been using this method with mikey for a long time he's completely so aware he's so aware of it yeah he's like last night when i was like yeah i was like yeah cool mikey that sounds great yeah great little summer head and he goes i know what you're doing i was like you're you're you're you're just saying oh yeah this would be great but you're actually thinking you'll do what you're told. Do you think he listens to Honey, You're Ruining My Pitch?

Oh, my God. Could you imagine? Imagine that's what he's staying up at night listening to in his bed. Like, talking about me again. He's probably got a Buy Me account. He's ordering groceries to his room. Yeah, well, I wouldn't put it past him. These kids seem to know how to do bloody everything

that children know how to do everything so i'm done they've got opinions on everything now but you know apart from that and the demanding and feeling a little bit taken for granted yesterday the graduation out of school was unbelievably beautiful yeah shout out to all the parents who are uh still traumatized in terms of choking back tears the emotional pornography that took place it was so beautiful the effort it was beautiful our kids graduation i was completely blown away by that certain songs you cannot play for me yeah that will not ruin me i actually didn't mean the graduation song was super appropriate no well it was about drinking alcohol nights out and people dying yeah like i was just like why would why would you play that song because i like to me it makes me so sad you people people know the song you must know the uh that maroon

five song memories yeah and like they've all got their arm in arm with each other that's the one you're already crying it's just like stop well jarlet associates that with kobe and losing his hero just stop but i just didn't do not play that shut it off i was like this is not appropriate But there Here's the ones that we got Here's the ones that are here But are not Because the drinks

Bring back Because the drinks Get the kids drinking Let's all have a few pints That's the moral Anyway It's Today's episode

Is the last one Before our summer break Because that's how This podcast works. We're going to throw one up in July. We will, of course. We cannot leave people on their own. And I will email back anyone who gets in touch.

Yeah. Honey, you're ruining it. Get a gmail.com is the place to. But we won't be back weekly till September. But there's going to be emergency pods. I can smell it. Because some of the problems that this period throw up yeah are just so they're so worrying you know you you're seeing more of your kid you're getting to

see who your kid has become during the year i just have an avalanche of emails at the moment from parents being like what do i do what do i do with them all day how do i navigate this summer we'll get to that later in the show. But to start with, we've got to get to question number one, which is an absolute doozy. What do you do with your kid who requests food that they won't eat? My daughter is going through a stage where she asks for a certain food, but then doesn't want to eat it. Like, I read that first line. I was like, I think this family goes out for dinner too much.

She's used to people ordering what they want off menus. But is that where this is coming from? I grew up being forced to eat things I didn't like as a kid. We all did. Liver. Liver, helpless boy. as a kid we all did liver liver helpless play i wasn't able to leave the table at all until my plate was cleared so this is a tricky situation for me or anyone raised in the 80s or 90s i didn't i don't know what how to handle it she's always had two options of food but now she will just say i'm not hungry or my stomach hurts without even

touching her food what should i be doing she will be four in september it's very cute very worrying very stressful we all know food it's very worrying is it well it is a bit she's not eating she's saying there's pain in her tummy but also we know as parents we get so stressed out about eating with our kids don't we like we really do especially when they're tiny and we're like you gotta eat your food this is your dinner I've made you but it always comes back to you know what we what I always try and enforce or promote is the tapas meals you know if you're having any issues with dinner times pale it all back don't ever offer or tell them give them options for dinner prepare the dinner in little bowls empty plates and just let them choose and take what food they want from those bowls onto their plates take the pressure

is something we've had like on the show like way way back just to remind people of what it is so she's what she her situation is that she goes you can have chicken or you can have yeah that's too much that's too much responsibility for the kid in the first place there's way too much choice way too much power they can't be choosing what they're going to eat you think you're making their life easier but you're actually not so no choice no you're introducing anxiety they should be trying loads of different foods and they should be just grateful for the food that gets put on the table right but also this sounds like this girl is ordering her dinners which is also not okay because that's a total power struggle she thinks she can put in a food

order in the morning and mommy will just take care of that that's not okay either that's not what dinner time is about dinner time is supposed to be about yeah we get to eat food but it's also about community of the house coming together and being together for part of the day kids just i i kind of find this hard to believe that you're suggesting that you don't go where it's lasagna night tonight. Yeah, and when they get a bit older, the child is four, Jarlett. You can't be saying these things to a four-year-old or a three-year-old or a two-year-old. What do you mean you can't be saying? But you're saying...

Okay, if you're having issues with your child eating, you cannot give them more power. You need to take the power away. You need to take the power away you need to take the anxiety away just take the choices away from them just take over take full control of this make dinner time a fun thing they get to come to right take the pressure off the eating introducing tapas okay i got you i got you so actually saying it's roast chicken night yeah is it is piling pressure on and allowing them to go which is like my favorite kid voice like where they're just like i'm an unreasonable diva and you have to dance for me and you just feel like taking the plate and tipping it over them. Like, you're saying, say, dinner's ready. Yeah.

It's so funny that we have to peel it right back. Yeah. Dinner's ready, y'all. Yeah. And it's here on the table in these little bowls. Dinner's ready, empty plate, help yourself. Don't even say it's here in these bowls. Help yourself.

Help yourself. And then, you know know build it up the first night they might only take from one bowl but as long as they're eating that's all we worry you might just have a kid that's surviving on sweet corn yeah well you gotta i always say to put something out in one of the bowls that you know they'll definitely eat so if they are a pasta fan definitely have a little bowl of pasta on there that they can take from but it's not all for them it's about sharing and community and talking and enjoying the meal a bit more and them also not feeling under pressure but you're actually controlling what they eat you actually

are more in charge now than you ever were because you've put the stuff in the bowls and the amount yeah you have put the things on the table yeah They get the illusion of being in charge of what they're eating and putting on their plate. That's morons. But really. I'm the boss. I love it. They're also more likely to explore different kinds of food in the bowls. Not on the first time, but as you gain their trust.

And when they see their dad doing it or their sister doing it. Sometimes these tortilla wraps or tortilla boats are brilliant things to put out there because they're likely to fill them up yeah and eat i like doing that i eat more dinner when you put out those but you won't have to do tapas forever it's just until dinner they're trying stuff yeah yeah and then right the amount of people guys listening to this yeah that have received this advice from tina over the past year if we're looking back on our year of honey ruining our kid definitely your number one piece of advice not one person has gotten touched today hasn't worked every single one any person who has gotten touch about oh my god my children won't eat and i've

advised them how to do tapas, every single one of them has said it has changed their life. Not just when they're at home on their own, but when they go to visit people, their kid is better at eating food. And when they go to a restaurant, their kid is better at eating food. Why is this such a common problem? such a common problem i think sometimes we remember the nightmare of our dinners at home as kids and how we were forced to eat food that we didn't want so in a way we've been way too gentle with our kids and way too considerate to how they explore food and when knowing it we have given them way too much power that they're not really ready for or able to handle. And they also know this really stresses them out.

That's where I was going to go. When I act like this. That was my suggested answer is like, I know that a lot of the time Tina will go, you know, we've got to understand where the kid is coming from. And I will lean into. And sometimes where the kid is coming from is I'm a little bollocks and I like watching you squirm. Yeah, but when you say that, I always feel bad because they're not consciously doing it. They're not consciously bollocks.

Yeah, but they have subconsciously figured out, oh, I can really stress them out this time. And this causes chaos. And, you know, they don't enjoy it, but they do a little bit because they get so much attention and think about it some kids if they play up enough at dinner time then get their one-to-one attention with one of their grown-ups where they're spoon feeding them their dinner i mean that's the kids dream all they want is your company so like you just have to be so careful but tapas is great because it means you're making one meal and all you're doing is putting it out in separate parts on the table.

So, say you make roast chicken, right? You just cut the chicken up, put it in a bowl, okay? Then you've got your potatoes or your mash in a bowl, veg in a bowl. Everything's just in separate bowls. And you can choose how much is in each bowl. If you don't want them eating all sweet corn. Yeah, of course. There's only enough for two handfuls. i don't you shouldn't put rules on it you gotta let

the kids explore yeah like you're you're imposing the rule by going well everybody needs some sweet corn you can't take all the sweet corn for yourself can they yeah well i know but i'm sharing at the dinner table these bowls are for everyone to share from and there's a way of just doing that without even words where it's like just making sure you're moving the bowls around because you have those little spinner things yeah i'm very worried about food and kids i mean i don't think like nowadays yeah i don't kids should i don't think kids should be as conscious about food as they are about food at the moment and i think we have to be really really really careful the pressure we're putting on our kids with the food food should be something they

enjoy dinner time should be a time when you know it's a time we are all together we're all exploring foods we're trying new things and and we all know if you get your kid involved in cooking they are more likely to taste way more things in the process so there you go they might enjoy even creating the tapas themselves changed our lives as well yeah but like i say you've got to be careful of the power you're trying to take the power away from them don't give them the power back but all of a sudden they're in charge of what goes in the bowls i'm terrible at giving the power back you are terrible at giving the power back i tend to i tend to ask him what do you think and i'm in the background don't don't ask please we have to lead sometimes of course their

opinion matters and we respect it but you got to remember you're the leader they will follow your lead they will follow and they will get drunk on power very fast. And then getting that back is very tough. So you're the leader. Follow the leader. I'm in a very funny mood today because it's our son's last day of school. And I keep getting very kind of silly emotional about it. Yeah, well, look, it is a weird time. And we lead with this question this week because you're going to have a lot more meals with your kid this summer.

If the tapas is something you want to give a go, give it a shot. All it requires is a few bowls and a little bit of separation. As like Tina said, it's not forever. And also just last thing on this, I really think your kids, when they're this small, they need food every two hours.

So like, just don't worry about food so much. Just let them have their snacks. Let them, if they're this small they need food every two hours so like just don't worry about food so much just let them have their snacks let them if they're hungry let them have things they're burning their cat they're burning stuff so fast you don't want your kids grouchy this summer yeah let them have snacks yeah healthy snacks one and a half to every two hours just give them some crackers give them cheese give an apple don't make them wait till lunchtime they're tiny little children we've all seen those kids that arrive at the dinner table and eat like savages yeah because they're so hungry and that's not good for them either then they get a pain and they're talking from the indigestion of that and they're like you know we had mikey one time i

think he felt hungry we We had been traveling. It's more than one time. It's any time that he's left alone with me. Yeah, well, I didn't want to be left alone. But it's so funny because he'll come to me and he'll be like, there's something really wrong with my stomach. It's called hunger. I'm like, when did dad last feed you?

We haven't eaten anything today. Okay, let's get you a sandwich, you're just hungry. we haven't eaten anything today okay let's get you a sandwich you're just hungry our next email comes from somebody who's struggling with their five-year-old and basic boundaries hi i'm struggling with my five-year-old at the minute the struggle is just to set the boundaries she's at that phase now where she's really testing the limits on everything. The nighttime routine is a real struggle. Even though we keep our schedule pretty good, it only changes on rare occasions. Today, she was found painting the windows and windowsills with her older siblings.

Oh, no, with her older siblings. Oh, no, with her older siblings' pens. That's different. If it was with the older sibling, I'd be going, young one, you're off the hook. Older sibling, you put her up to this. Even though we had explained to her why it was wrong and she helped clean up the mess, her behavior seems to be worsening even though we're trying everything in our power to set the rules do the boundaries any advice on this would be amazing thank you tina okay her name's not tina she's saying thank you to tina

because she assumes i am going to be of absolutely no help here. Well, do you know what is beautiful about this? Is that I can nearly picture this five-year-old in my head. Charlotte knows that four or five-year-old girls are my favourite. They love them so much. They're my favourite. You just want to put them in two teams. They're like out-of-control rock stars at that age. You know, they really are.

They feel like they've figured it all out. Sunglasses, hat, pearls, bag. Oh, my God. They're amazing. And they really do get up to far more stuff on the sly than boys ever do boys are always walking themselves into trouble by being way too girls are so click but um and i hate generalizing i'm sorry for the generalization there um but i i feel like my gut tells me that this little girl is acting out for the very same reason that I'm always telling parents to watch out for.

She is looking for attention. Yeah. These things are getting her loads of face-to-face time. They're getting her parents to send emails to podcasts and like her mother dealt with that so well you know she wrote the thing she got her to clean it up but that was one-on-one time with mommy that she probably even the cleaning probably enjoy the cleaning four and five years of cleaning they live for that stuff like give them a sponge and some suds they're happy out um i think that mommy needs to be mindful and daddy of how they're praising this child and what attention they're giving her in moments when she's being quiet and good

i think this is a very simple fix this little girl sounds like a good girl the fact that she was able to follow through with the punishment is amazing like she did something there was a consequence for that that's really good the consequence was a practical consequence for what she had done but i think what they need to do now is find moments like i'm always encouraging parents to do i do it with you a lot charlotte where you find them during the day darth's just giving me the middle finger now and you get down to a level and you tell them things about them that are amazing how much you love them how you've noticed how you've noticed them doing this and they love that you were doing that and then when they do something like drawing on the windowsills

again this time you don't give that any attention but you do the same consequence again. You follow through on the consequence silently. Wow. You cannot give eye contact or words for that. Silence is the key. Because I feel like this girl is just craving attention. Like all kids are. And probably because mom and dad are busy. It's not that they're neglectful parents.

Because I was just going to say, we're old. We are old, struggling with this. We just want attention. Yeah. parents because i was just gonna say we're all people go we're all struggling with this one attention yeah it's not because and tina's never accusing parents of being like neglectful we're so flat out busy yeah i'm done and i think it's one level of attention that you're like i can't do that and if if parents just for a moment and myself included like sometimes in those moments you cannot bring

yourself to a place of calm where you just think okay why are they doing this because look at what you're doing right now you are with them you were shouting at them you were looking at them that's all they want they just want you present in their life so i really feel like this is a quick fix well you you've said a bunch of times on the show and again if we're recapping the year on honey you're ruining our kid in quick with the praise yeah it's such a simple time sit down beside them give them a little snuggle and say you're such a great little girl and i see all these wonderful things you're doing and you make me so happy. I love you so much. Yeah. Then you've had moments in the day where that kid got praised for just being themselves.

They didn't have to seek out opportunities to get your attention by being built. And that is fact. Kids will do what it takes to get your attention. And if that is, I know somebody emailed in during the week about their kid has broken five

televisions so far this year yeah five television how they're saying in the email they said that their husband plays a lot of um video games on this tv i mean there is no coincidence that the kid keeps breaking the tv that the dad uses to spend time on. I just feel like we got to be very careful. Wow. Just close up this article that I came across the other day just before we finished this out. And again, it's kind of a side note to this. But we do know that our attention is dragged to our phone a lot of the time. This is published during the week saying that a study found that parents phone use in front of their kids can harm their emotional intelligence.

And it's a great read. We'll put the link in. That made me nearly vomit. When it comes to raising children of digital age, one of the worst things that parents can do is give their kid a smartphone and hope for the best and i mean that's the alternative right that people go look i do need to be on my phone for work here's a screen for you but like when you say that like i get like a massive headache in my head because i'm just like that's it's just so impossible for parents to get it right at the moment. Because, okay, we shouldn't be giving our kids screens just to get so we can achieve things. But then there's a point where they have to be screen literate as well.

I mean, I got a letter from Mikey's school this week saying that the only exam they get is computer literacy. I was like, what? So but that's only graded because of the no because i know what that is is that they're saying to you they're not gonna do an assessment of their academics that's done now they just want to know well who needs a bit of help with or when they turn to access the computers in the school but isn't that amazing so if you're a parent that's about equal quality of access and i know but we know a family who has not allowed their children to be on screens at all like and they're behind yeah so like that child is going in blind completely so where's the happy medium i don't know it's all well this article is

really interesting because there's this is basically research that says that you being on your phone affects your child's emotional intelligence so research suggests that the emotional intelligence of kids can be adversely impacted by their parents use of smartphones all too common scene of a caregiving caregiver engaging with the screen with their child nearby seeking attention yeah so emotional intelligence is a set of mental abilities that allows a person to recognize and understand and manage their emotional states yeah so according to the research people are born with some level or capacity for emotional

intelligence but it's also a skill set that can be learned and practiced and developed but it varies from person to person well we know that we know that in school that teachers will do social intellectual emotional intelligence the children are graded on those which she's saying in her research is that some people are very good at detecting emotional nuance in themselves and others while others aren't at a more advanced level some people are very good at regulating their emotions such as anxiety or anger and others not so much but when you're in this situation with the parent on the phone you're losing out on the opportunity to witness changes in emotions that it's just if you think about just think about the state in which you do look at your phone well i have to say the amount sometimes on tiktok or

instagram there's all these videos parents put up of their kids being phone away phone away and they're laughing about the kid tiny baby trying to get to get them to put down their phone. But I'm like, to me, that's like the saddest thing I can see. I'm like, your tiny baby can barely talk is saying, can you please look at me and put your phone down? Yeah. That kills me. Look, in the same ways, you're probably going to have rules for your kid this summer around gaming and screens. Yeah. Probably need them for yourself too.

I think we do. And I definitely need to because as people know, that's how I post my content you know i think i think via my phone i think people are getting better at this even this morning a friend got in touch to say sorry i've been in touch for a while we've been on holidays and i didn't have my phone on and i was like fair play to you that's a holiday but that's an actual holiday now if you could turn off your phone that's a holiday i mean that we all need this break and i hope this is a help to this mom anyway yeah well i really do think this is a easy answer just redirect watch your child observe and then now and next yeah let her know yeah of course let her know now that we're doing this next we're doing

that but i really think this child's just craving attention and if you can just ignore the bad stuff this mom's already doing a great job of consequences seeing through you know she did that she wrote on the window so she had to clean it that's brilliant that's a practical consequence but the praise needs to come the praise needs to come and in those moments of when you catch her doing something like that, give it nothing and just follow through on the consequence silently. Okay, silently. Then come in later, see her do something beautiful. Give her a hug. Tell her how wonderful she is.

You don't actually have to point out the bad stuff. Give it nothing. Retrain where she's looking for her attention. And we're back. I always wanted to say that, you know, like out of the break. Let's go to a commercial or I love like just in my life to be able to go. We're out of time and just end things that I'm finding boring and stuff. But we really are back.

If you can hear a croak in my voice now, it's because I've been away for four days and we had just recorded that and I literally just got, I can't finish the recording of this episode. You had to run to the airport. Run to the airport. I got to see everything in that four days

because I was traveling so much, right? It was perfect to come back now and go, oh, I'm seeing the parents at the airport like in boots before i got my flight out of dublin put that back put that back oh mommy i really want to get these you're not getting them you're not getting them why this is like back and forth all the way through this one is just trying to buy water for the flight. She gets to the self-checkout. That one's not working, mummy.

Now, this kid's talking like that, but he's four. Oh, I love it. It's not working, mummy. That one's not working. There's a red light flashing on that one, mummy. That means it's not working. And she goes, it means that they're getting a member of staff. He's like, no, I think it means it's not working. In the meantime, the daughter, who is clearly smarter

and a little bit older, is going, mummy, this one is free. She's kind of presenting it like a game show. She's like, this one does not have a red light flashing. It's her mother. And the mother is just on the, like she hasn't left Dublin Airport. She's about to go on her holiday.

I know, and I was just like, we, this episode might be the life raft that you cling to or certainly is the last one that we're doing for a while because we say it's a term time show but like tina we went on anton savage last night yeah yesterday and the hard shoulder that was so much fun that was the first time as well that we've gone on together to do one of those parenting spots yeah you and me i way preferred it it was so much fun you have no idea how stressed out i am when it's just me yeah well i know oh you darling knows i've seen the rash yeah the rash she breaks out in a rat welts that

come up now pat kenny's like what's happening to your face is going right he's so lovely though but like that was just how it should be done it was so much fun but also just to hear people getting back in touch about one suggestion if you leave this episode with nothing else yeah that visual calendar idea yeah your kids over the summer going when are we doing this when is this that can be the head melter yeah i did it with mikey the other day we sat down and went through the calendar and popped in some movie nights and the you know park days it doesn't these things don't have to cost money because let's be honest emerald

park is on our doorstep but it's like 120 pound every time we want to go oh listen which i think is pretty shitty since they're actually on our doorstep we live next to crow park but we don't get any tickets yeah i feel like the roller coaster is our house is part of that yeah but um but this visual thing yeah really sets them on at ease even for you yeah even for me and it just avoids all those questions because he wakes up in the morning he looks at the calendar he knows exactly where his week is going and also it's the countdown it's them not being surprised that they're going back to school it's visually saying here's my summer but they're school these are the dates pop in a few dates where you have to get ready for school yeah i'm a little bit hyper right now jarrett's totally chill

because our office just nearly went on fire there was nearly a fire i feel like there's flame i inhaled it or ate some flame. It was a lot of wax. Yeah. It was a candle in an Orla Kylie thingy for candles. Which is actually the second one of those I had. I mean, that's the real issue here. Hang on a second. Maraid, my friend in England, got me one.

It exploded. That's the second time it's happened. And Lucy Goosey got me this one. This might be something we need to bring up with Orla. There must be something with the ceramics yeah really fascinating anyway Gerard is so chill

because he was like there's a lot of flame coming I don't know I'm giving you a Dublin accent there was flames coming out of the back of your head and I turned around

and I was like it's on fire there's a fire so she went over and calmly blew on it I tried to blow on it but I made it giving it more oxygen

and the flames went higher. Turns out, it... It needed oxygen. It needed... Anyway, the place nearly went up, I went over. But this is not news that Tina panics in these situations. I'll never forget her mother choking in the kitchen, me coming in, and Tina's response, the help she was giving in this moment was

to run around the kitchen shouting shouting she's choking. Not to perform the Heimlich, which Tina is trained in. To run around the room going she is choking! Everyone! Charlie, do you, we laugh about that because honestly sometimes I have moments where I think, oh my god, what if you hadn't come in? My mother would have died

because I wasn't going to help her, you helped her. I was just like in a flap of a cone. Someone has to notify everybody of the emergency that's taking place. But I've done first aid. So you were the hype man for the emergency. How many times have I done first aid? Like too many times. You're bored by it.

No, I'm not bored by it. I just hope that it's not me you're relying on. First aid can't teach you to not panic. I asked them that. That's the first thing they say. After that incident, the last time I did first aid, I was like, how do you help people cope with panic? And they were like, well, there's not much we can do about that

because that's just, how do you react in the moment? This is the thing. There's going to be people listening to this on their holidays and there's going to be mad moments on these trips. And definitely not panicking is the key. But you can't learn it. You either are a person who panics or doesn't. That's why the defibrillators are so clever.

Because they say it. There's instructions. So even if you're panicking, you can listen to the very clear instructions. We have one final question. Before we head over to patreon for the extra stuff if you're with us on patreon we got some great stuff bonus material for you today so stick around for that at the end let's go to our next question you guys helped me out so massively before with our bedtime routine and was just hoping if i could get your help again with our daughter who is two and a half.

Well, that's such a compliment. Isn't it? I love when people get back. Yeah. Because I'm like, phew! Yeah, that worked out. Okay.

Take another swing. This two-year-old, two-and-a-half-year-old was showing all the signs she was ready to potty train. The first few days went okay, but a week and a half in now, she's refusing to even sit on the potty, seems to be holding went okay but a week and a half in now she's refusing to even

sit on the potty seems to be holding her wee for as long as she can before wetting herself i know we're only a week and a half in but we don't want to make potty time a trauma time yeah and in your opinion do you think we should just stop and pick it up in a month or two now you've obviously been back and forth with this person because this is one of those emails that you get that's urgent well actually i do feel bad about this email i have been back and forth with these people it's all fine now but there were so many emails that i was a bit late to this one and when i got back to them they had already they had said quite wisely we've left it wow we're going to start again and i that takes courage yeah oh big

time also they didn't have the creche on board again another time where they just couldn't get the creche on board you're paying them all of this money they seemed the creche the creches seem to have their own rules when it comes to toilet training that i feel like they're just not making clear enough to parents whose children are attending there and maybe if there's just a bit more clarity then it's easier for the parent to start toilet training in line with what the creche are willing to do but what i did tell this dad who got in touch was i said well fair play because you got to trust your gut and you got to know what's happening but i said when you come back to this and this is what i always want to stress with the toilet training the whole family needs to be ready you need to give your child a whole week of checking are they dry in the morning is their nappy dry really make sure they're ready if their nappy is dry in the mornings after a night

in their bed you know they have the capacity to hold their wee okay that is a really big sign then you gotta know in your heart is my child ready for this then you gotta have big rewards to start with going to the toilet big as you have to go disneyland but like the child you gotta make going to the toilet fun yeah it has to be like you're singing your talk show yeah yeah you gotta bring the all the energy and make it seem like toilet and weeing and pooing is the best because people when i say this to parents they say but how how then do i stop with the rewards but it's easy it is so easy because look you start with the rewards like jellies sweets the toilet is so much fun right then you just phase it out don't worry because as long as you keep the actual to get jellies in the next shop no no no it's just like they were getting three

jellies now they're getting one jelly if you don't say anything if you don't say that it won't come up yeah parents are always feeding their kids lines just don't mention the jellies another time because you know what they love more than jellies the praise the hugs and the praise that's the praise that shouldn't go yeah but the actual enforcers the reinforcers need to go like the toys and stuff it's okay like i remember when mikey was toilet training he worked up to a captain hook outfit at the end of the week do you remember that was what he worked up and he the whole time he was little he always remembered he was like i did that i got that that's a captain hook costume i earned and i mean it was so cute and he was like fully in character he was dastardly he was like let me ask you this right because this is our summer

roundup episode yeah okay a lot of people will be going we'd like this done before we leave for our holiday is that putting that kind of impending doom or a time scale on it is that a bad idea yeah like i do think if there's pressure on it at all yeah it's not going to work because you're going to bring stress yeah so in fact wait till you come back from yeah like i feel like you know this family did do the right thing it was causing their child upsetment the right thing is to stop leave it they're going to have to leave it a while now to restart for me personally though i feel like if you just know that you're ready if you just know the rewards are big your

kid is going to find going to the toilet fun you have to lead it you have to be like yeah look at us we're doing are we in the toilet we're so you might be comfortable doing that like let's be honest you got to bring yourself to that everyone is because your kid has to think oh my god mommy mom and dad are so proud of me like you can do it does it work does it work oh it works but like you know it's going to be embarrassing like you're going to feel like a douche for doing this but it does work because they that's the reason why people behave like that on barney i feel yeah there is and like i feel like you know we're on the hard shoulder yesterday with anton and it was very funny because very quickly the questions became very personal

questions about his family and struggles he's having and he asked about well what do you do if your kid is super clever and good at negotiating and when they come to you and you you say no they have a way of going well i'll bring the higher powers in and he had he had to sit right back in the chair because i said well i, I would never say no. Why are we saying no? I love this moment. But all you have to do is say, I love that idea. That's a great idea.

I'm going to go and talk to dad about it or I'm going to take some time to think about that and I'll get back to you. One or two things will happen there. One, you'll go away and think about it and come back with an alternative or a way of making it happen. Two, the child might forget about it. And when he he raises it again all you have to say is thanks for reminding me i loved that idea yeah but occasionally you are going to have to come back and go yep that we are going to do that yeah or you know what that doesn't work but we thought about it and this might work because my mom used to say um we'll think about it yeah i don't like we'll think about it either maybe and i was like that means no yeah but i think when you say to a kid i love that that's

a great idea thanks for thinking of the family thanks for thinking of things we can do they're just so happy you listen to them and that they weren't poo-pooed on, they'll just walk off thinking... But won't they eventually be like me and go, that means... Well, I mean, I do think... Because they make so many crap suggestions, Tina. Yeah, but I think as a parent, yeah, you can't... Why don't we get a bouncing castle? Yeah, but you can't... That's a great idea, is it?

No, it's a shite idea. We're not getting a bouncing castle. Like Trissy Bills through the roof. But Charlotte, I'm not... I mean... But they're I'm not, I mean. But they're making crap suggestions, Tina. I can't. You're making it up to me.

How many times am I going to go, that's a wonderful idea. Let's get a snake. I do with you all the time. You haven't copped onto it. I've heard you get it 23 years. She got me. That's it. That's not a bad place to leave it Tina that's it for season one

of Honey You're Ruining Kid what a year what a year what a year and so much more planned for season two when the school year

begins again but of course there's going to be a few bonus episodes dropping across the summer yeah like this is our July episode and we'll hopefully

do one in August and as I said before the emails are open keep them coming in yeah honeyyou'reruiningourkid at gmail.com shout out to july episode and we'll hopefully do one in august and as i said before the emails are open keep them coming in yeah honey you're ruining our kid at gmail.com shout out to keela brogdon at go loud to buy me our partner uh you can still download the buy me app and use the offer code honey 10 to get 10 euros free groceries right away which we all know we could all do with yeah and also we i don't know about you guys but we're holidaying in ireland and i've been really stressing about

the evening meals and having to make our way to the shop so miami's gonna come in pretty handy that'll do it uh tina thanks so much thanks to all of you for emailing in of course if you want more there's an extra chunk of goodness over on patreon.com forward slash irishman abroad and thank you to everyone who has been spreading the word and telling their friends exactly we really appreciate it we don't have a marketing budget we need you to do that have a great summer guys honey you're ruining our kid with jarleth and tina a go light parenting podcast proudly sponsored by buy me the only way to get done stores delivered to your door in as little as an hour. Don't forget, use code HONEY10 for 10 euro off your first order.

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