Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - EP1 When Good Kids Tell Lies, Won't Eat And Refuses To Poo!

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

What do you do when your kid lies to your face? What do you do when your kid won't go poo? Honey You’re Ruining Our Kid episode one of the parenting podcast from the Irishman Abroad is here. Jarlath introduces us to Tina and her child behaviour credentials and together they explain what this new series is all about. After two years of turmoil there’s never been a better time to hold a hand up and say, “I might need a bit of help here with these kids.” Jarlath has some superb anonymously submitted questions to choose from and Tina gets to work. Covering everything from dishonesty in kids to toilet training, this first episode sets the standard for craic and information you can expect from our parenting podcast in the months to come. Huge thanks to Tina, our anonymous question submitters and of course our supporters on Patreon. To submit a question email [e-mail] For updates on future episodes and live shows follow @jarlath on Twitter or follow us on Instagram, visit www.jigser.com or email the show directly on [e-mail] or send a voice note or text to 00447543122330. To get advanced access to episodes 1 to 6 visits www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad.

Even without the challenges of the last two years, raising your kids not to be gobshites is exceptionally hard. I think we can all agree. I don't know anyone who doesn't need a little bit of help. I don't know anyone who wouldn't feel a little bit better hearing what other people are dealing with. So here we are. The first ever episode of Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid, the parenting podcast from an Irishman abroad. This is a place where you get to anonymously submit your parenting problems and we will do our level best to answer them with the help of our resident child development expert, Tina Regan. Tina also happens to be married to me, so she has seen every failed and successful attempt I have made to parent our little boy, Mikey. Tina also happens to be married to me so she has seen every failed and successful attempt

I have made to parent our little boy Mikey. Tina thanks for being here. Lovely to be here. I'm excited and nervous. Nothing to be nervous about because Tina has obviously worked in the area of early learning for 20 years plus as a Montessori director with special focus on child development, early intervention and severe behaviour issues. But what I like the most, Tina, about your approach is that you don't see there being a right and a wrong way, which is often the thing that people are most scared of when they go to a parenting podcast. They're going to be told, oh, you're doing it all wrong. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, we're all just trying. Everyone's trying their best,

we hope. And we're all just trying everyone's trying their best we hope and we're all just trying to survive our children and help them turn out to be good people survive and enjoy them yeah enjoy them yeah this is the thing that like yeah it is it is about survival and your relationship surviving yeah but it is about extracting as much crack from them yeah it's so hard being a parent that the last thing you need is more judgment. You're so aware you're being judged all the time. You just need a bit of support and hopefully we can do that. Absolutely.

And one of the things I even pointed out to Tina this morning was how some parents, you could see it all over them, that they used to be crack before this child arrived. Oh yeah, you were saying that. It's like, that that gets on top of you know they're the they're now the sheriff is the sheriff yeah yeah like i don't want to be the law enforcer but our house in our house the issue is the other direction in that i would say and i'll be the first to offer some kind of parenting problem here because i don't

think this is going to work if we don't offer what we're dealing with the biggest parenting problem you and i face is that i have a difficulty with being the bad guy or being well we haven't to the world we have an only child but in our house we have i have two children no you're a great dad you're great but you you do love to be mike's best friend. Yeah, I think he definitely at times views me as his older, wealthier friend. Yeah. Rather than daddy who's in charge. I still have difficulty even saying that out loud. But I guess that's going to be an ongoing discussion.

And I think you've gotten, I mean, he is 11 now. So, I mean, we're still working on it. And I think you've gotten, I mean, he is 11 now. So, I mean, we're still working on it. But I think you've gotten better at not just yes-handing every idea he has and encouraging everything he wants to do. Well, you guys have been submitting your questions and your problems. Massive thanks to everyone who has done it. Honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com.

Very easy to get in touch with us. We read and reply to every single message, but let's get to it. Our first anonymous emailer says, you're not wrong. Parenting is fecking hard, although having kids is mostly lovely. I think we all agree that. So with this in mind, how about your thoughts about parenting the child that keeps nicking sweets and cakes and then lies through their teeth about it when you raise it with them suspect more than one of us did it ourselves as kids i can definitely raise my hand on that and quite frankly with full honesty

who isn't inclined to procrastinate with a sneaky trip to the biscuit tin and stash right so however it's addressing the lying it's the lying is the problem yeah the lying that's the challenge here and that i was really hoping i could sneak the last selection box bit for herself as it sat on top of the microwave for the whole week but no some other feckers got there first so there's that added frustration too could look with the latest venture anonymous like look this is 12 and nine year olds and the lying just seems to be something that that's a broad problem that goes right, can go right down to when they can first speak. Yeah, it's true. It's one of the first things they learn.

For whatever reason, age eight, nine and ten is a pretty experimental time for lying. They really push it, see what they can, how they can bend the truth. It seems to be like part of that stage of development really they've discovered lying how effective it can be used i want to see what they can get away with and it's so hard because it's really tricky to to explain to them how much it hurts your feelings because you know when your child is lying and how do you get them to be honest without sharing them with all the catholic guilt we were raised with i don't know i mean what an effective tool that really was oh god yeah the ever watching eye i mean these kids have are not afraid of us ever and yeah i

know the lying is tough because i always find it really disrespectful because i'm like you think i'm a fool yeah you're playing me for a chump. Yeah, I know you're lying. Yeah. And then accusing them of that makes them, it doesn't make them own up. It makes them double down. Yeah, let's just accept for a minute here

exactly how frustrating the lying is. I am with this mom on this. Yeah. Because when it's like looking at you straight in the face and i have again i've spoken about this on stage where you know we found the crime yeah it just makes literally no one else that could have done it yeah but still it's it wasn't me. It's the shaggy defense. Oh, and it's so hard because you promise them that if they just tell the truth, you won't you won't react. And then you do react. Then you go, well, why did you lie?

Why were you lying? Why? Why would you lie to me? Tina's lying. Yeah. Why? Why would you lie to me? I feel terrible for this mother but I do think

it's a phase because I think we've just come through it Mikey's 11 now and uh it did take a lot of explaining to him how when you lie baby Jesus Christ I know I'm joking when you lie an angel loses its wings yeah you hurt my feelings yeah and i kept saying to him that um we know you're lying like we know it's all over you you're fooling nobody you're crap at it and you're yeah we made him feel real bad about himself get better at lying but you're right they're watching so many of our leaders lie all the time yes it's everywhere economy with the truth is definitely an issue that they're all aware of and david wadham's books didn't know that i should have

pre-read them but you look even beverly hills cop when beverly hills cop came out i realized that you could you know kind of be something else yeah but that's yeah that kind of fun duplicity. Yeah, but it is their face lies that kill us as parents. Yeah. And the sweet situation, I feel like, you know, when we had Mikey, I only because of working with children for so long, I'd really seen the effects it can have on children if sweets are uttered and biscuits are something... Fetishised.

Yeah, if they only have them as treats on certain times it kind of makes them go a bit lula they need them even when they don't want them so i don't know if it's too late for this mom but if she wanted to maybe stop try and stop give it a go keeping them as a out of reach thing just leave them wherever they go don't put rules on them for a little while and see if they just don't want them anymore or they're not as panicked about getting a biscuit in i remember being that age and i was definitely raised in a house where i just was obsessed with the obtaining of sweets because you weren't allowed them well yeah they just weren't around the house. And yeah, there wasn't, there wasn't heaps and heaps of biscuits. Yeah.

The biscuits would be gone by Tuesday. Yeah. Then you had to wait till Friday for biscuits. Then you're panicked. You're like, if I don't take one of these, I'm not getting one of them. Definitely. There was a bit of that. I remember making a show myself at birthday parties where I was stuffing my pockets with sweets. You were a child Hoover because that's what you see at the birthday parties yeah where i stuff in my pockets with you were a child hoover

because that's what you see at the birthday parties yeah kids you never get them are down on their hands and knees under the table hoovering the floor so that's twofold though that's that's twofold so first of all try and remove the kind of specialness of the sweets yeah and you know that might be what's driving the. Yeah, I'm not saying it's the right it mightn't be right for them at all, but I feel like we don't do that in our house. Is that too? I don't want to be preachy. I'm alright. But I just feel like for me, it's worked.

And it's always my advice to other moms and dads is don't make them a thing that they think they can only have on certain days. Yeah, but the lies. It's the lies, Tina. Like at the centre of it, I don't think the mom minds them having the selection box, even though she has expressed her frustration with missing out on them. Well, there's a sneakiness to that. And that's probably what's hurting her feelings because they're going through a lot of trouble to sneak them out. And, you know, and.

So you say explain the hurt, though. Explain. you've hurt me yeah when you yeah i think also i mean it is a teacher's superpower you know we can't give out to kids anymore but you can tell them you feel sad and kids cannot cope with that oh my god their little faces so if you do I know these are older kids but it's still the same definitely like we did with our little guy explain to them that when they tell these lies that you know they're lying and it hurts you in your heart your feelings it's disrespectful and you're sad and And hopefully repeating that dialogue again and again and again will make them realise that when they lie, it's actually tough on mum. Well, this relates to one thing that I do need to talk to you about.

And this is kind of central pillar of your philosophy. You've been stealing my sweets. I'm only kidding. You know that there are people listening to this now going yeah but my little lad is bollocks he is more than a gobshite he is a well just do it to spite you and if i said to him you're hurting me in my heart he'd go and that would drive him forward yeah you don't believe though that there's bold kids no i don't believe that any child is bold i think they're all just trying their best and if they're displaying behaviors there is a struggle there that we need to take a minute and watch and see okay what is

behind that story what's behind that? I also don't like children getting put in a box because that child is ever changing. It's a different child every day of the week. I mean, every day they're growing, they're becoming, but I get how it's, look, I find it way easier to teach children and manage the children in my class behaviors because I'm not worrying about the grownup they're going to become. become and as parents we're consistently stressed out because we're like oh my god who are you turning into who are you are you just going to be a liar now is that what you're going to do for the rest of your life you're just going to lie to everyone so I get that and I'm still I I'm we're all trying so hard to get it right with our kids but we were none of us are going to get it right well you said it i mean

that's kind of again the central reason for this show is that fear yeah whenever i'm having the discussion about lies with mikey it's like who do you want to be yeah pick it pick who you want to be you want to be the person that steals your ma's selection box that's who that's what you what your childhood memories to be anyway i think we did our best there uh tina let's take another one okay so the next one is another anonymous email it says hey pat love the show always appreciate it hey pat love the show we are struggling to get our 20-month-old to eat anything that isn't pasta and bolognese. We have a similar problem with our four-year-old. Won't eat anything spicy, inverted commas.

I imagine that those are his words, which can also be read as flavourful. I feel like Oliver Twist, eating the same thing every day as a result any help would be greatly appreciated looking forward to the new podcast this is i'd imagine oh we can relate to this like yeah i'm living this at the moment well no come on now we're better now you're so defensive of your child i'm sorry he thinks pepper is too spicy yeah that's true but we had definitely had a time when he was small at this age where it was like i was doing exactly what i tell every parent not to do which was i was making our dinner and making him his own dinner because I just couldn't take the stress of sitting down. Well, yeah, sitting at the table and just being like, oh my God, you need your food or him complaining about the dinner. So, but then, you know what? It was actually another mom in the class. I noticed the kids lunches were

unbelievable. And I was like, how do you get your child to eat that food and she was like she when she makes the dinners and we did this that um put it all leave the plates on the table empty and put all the dinners in bowls in the middle it sounds so what do you mean so arrange it like tapas yeah that's what we did to get mikey new food like you've got to stop being surprised when i feign ignorance of things you're like jar do you not remember i remember i'm trying okay i'm so sorry so like tapas yes like tapas and uh you know put the spoon in each bowl and then let them take whatever they want and uh you know they will eat because they are hungry and even if you know put out something you know they eat in one of the bowls like the pasta but maybe leave that further

into the table this kid's 20 months old you asked this kid to help yourself to some tapas see no that kid is one and a half he is it a boy or girl i'm so sorry doesn't say doesn't say doesn't matter sorry i just didn't want to say he or she when i but uh i mean that kid is it all going on that kid knows well that kid's probably been to a tapas restaurant yeah well second. But, I mean, we're always underestimating our kids and what they're capable of. I definitely think that family, if they're able to for a little while, just make your normal dinners, whatever you want to eat,

and put it out in bowls and let your kid take from that and put it on their plate. Or you can put, or get the plates with the different sections in them and just put, and just, it does work work because i was losing my mind with mikey i mean he basically only ate pasta and mashed potato and sausages oh and sausages jesus and now i think he's pretty good i definitely since he was four or five so it went on a lot longer than these poor people i started doing that and now he eats whatever's put down i don't know if we're totally through it if i'm totally honest i know that you're very defensive of our little i don't think most kids are going to eat a spicy curry

so we have 11 yeah i think you have to be reasonable too come on curry is delicious it is delicious but i don't think i had a curry until i was a teenager the lad like i know that this emailer is going if i put the dinner yeah out into little tapas plates yeah he will eat the one he likes yes and that's it but he will also when he doesn't feel the pressure of having to try everything maybe give stuff a try he will or maybe you say you have to take a little something off no no you have to take the pressure out of it okay you just leave it out and you say nothing and i know this child is a little bit smaller so maybe like i say get the little plates and put a taste of each one on the plate and just let them explore the food the minute there's any pressure you're screwed because they'll they have a massive will

and don't mind pushing back so what about spicy though because like that's a that's an irish palette i mean you ask an irish person to eat a pack of monster munch and they're like oh holy yeah holy moly i did a visit india here today i can't eat spicy at all that has to be gradual too you can't just expect your child to like spicy food if they've never had it before you have to like just introduce it a tiny bit but as this guy says it's it's literally flavor it's not spicy it's like anything sharp they like bland it's so normal though it's hard but that is normal comfort it's normal yeah i know i know when are we gonna get to not eat gruel that's what he's asking

i know but i'm just telling him like like he's not on his own in this okay there's so many parents struggling with the same thing i mean we know people who still make separate meals for their four different dinners yeah yeah but um i do think that meal time in this house stopped being so stressful when i tried that i was so grateful to that mom for telling me and i was able to phase that out and now i just give mikey whatever we're eating and he tries it i think this isn't going to be the last one of these that we get because i remember there being kids in my class who wouldn't eat anything oh look our lads still won't have school dinners I mean I have to get up and

make him a lunch every morning when he could just have school dinner at school it's so annoying so it's constant it is it's constant and we're all afraid to have the fussy eater but I do think if you introduce stress or if they know it stresses you out they're getting a little bit of a kick out of that unfortunately it's like you know you're wouldn't you know a 20 month old is a very awake baby does it strike you as funny that you're sitting here now giving this advice when young Tina didn't have the most ratting me out. Oh, my God. I wasn't expecting that.

But you were a teenager. Yeah, I guess I do. Tell people, well, what were you limiting yourself to? Chips, chips for my whole life. That's it. Well, if we went when we went for restaurants as children yeah just chips just chips and you'd be going like to carvery and tomato sauce sandwiches tomato sauce sandwiches yeah i used to eat those yeah i saw it on the beach commerce and uh my parents i was only

two and three and i was being left on my own at the dinner table and i was in such a habit of waiting until they the telly was on and they were relaxed and then i put it in the bin that one night i got up and did that while they were all still at the table and i got into so much trouble i remember because i'd never had such a fright in my life the name tina what are you doing as i straight mindedly got it from the table with your dinner and emptied it into the bin in full view of your mother. And my little sister wasn't even on the scene yet. So I was little doing that.

Who leaves a cutie two-year-old on their own eating their dinner? I mean, that's a safety. What's hilarious about this story is that it's told to me every time I visit your house. Yeah, but also I was eating like our dinner. Some of those dinners were liver. I mean, who serves up liver? People live it in the 80s. 80s. Let's be honest.

What got you out of it? Well, I know what you mean. I do tend to very much have a lot of empathy for kids who aren't too crazy about food. And it did take me into my, you know what it was? I did home economics at school and you got to know a bit crazy about food. And it did take me into my, you know what it was? I did home economics at school and you got to know a bit more about food. And I do think food education is important. Yeah, so maybe making some stuff together.

Sorry, I should, involving the kid in the dinner, involving the kid in the baking. Because then they're proud of it. Well, also they're going to give it a try. Their hands are always in their mouths. Everything goes into their mouths. Why does the tasty food not go in their mouth?

Is there an argument for starving the child i'm not even messing no because my dad used to say you are if you're hungry you'd eat it yeah no that was the line that's and it is true that maybe cutting out some snacks in between meals makes your child a bit more likely, if they're cooking the dinner with you, to give it a try. I think you have to be very, very careful about any negative reaction to food and any kind of negative consequence. I mean, taking away their food is just no, no. And treats and snacks.

Children are hungry all the time yeah like you need to feed them a lot otherwise you get a cranky kids most of sometimes kids are crying and i'm like well when did you feed them last because they're obviously starving they burn it so fast they need it nearly every hour they need meals and i mean i just think i know it's i i'm rambling now and i'm so sorry, but the most important thing is that your child is eating some food and we're all trying to cope with that. And I would suggest that thing that mom told me because it did change our life a bit. And I know you still don't think we're up to the standard you'd like, but it definitely changed it

around here because I was making different dinners from rocky and i haven't done that but i like what you say about look for this emailer the important thing is your child's eating yeah yeah because so many kids that won't oh jesus yeah reluctant to actually that's why you have to be so careful because children are in such and especially that age you're in such a stage of order that they can figure you out so fast that if not eating becomes a way that they can get attention that's what they'll do you have to be so careful even the best most loved child will crave the attention because i think i said to you before that as parents for whatever reason when we praise our

child we do it so flippantly but when we're giving out to our child they have full-on eye contact you are there you are present and sometimes kids will seek out that and you'll often get a hug at the end yeah they'll seek it out because they're like for those moments my parent is completely focused on me so you do have to be very careful in that way yeah because this is a i think i've definitely witnessed a bit of willfulness at the table getting a big reaction oh yeah and that becoming kind of part of the routine but i again i doubt it's the last food related question that we're gonna get and i hope i'm helping a bit there i don't mean to sound like i don helping a bit there i don't mean to sound like i don't know everything i just don't no one does but i do know that that helped us

love the podcast and with a four and a two-year-old and another on the way in the summer congratulations i'm excited to hear about this upcoming parenting podcast well you're in it my question relates to my four-year-old using the toilet he toilet trained pretty easily about 1.5 years ago but one thing that he still won't do is number two when he's in preschool okay pretty normal for some reason he just won't do it there oh god this is actually so common okay so this is good yeah okay he's he'll hold it until he gets home the poor guy yeah but i mean our child is that loads of children do that they just don't poo at school actually i shouldn't no well let's get to it because he says this often ends up with him coming home with a really sore tummy and has led to one or two accidents in preschool

any advice on helping him get over it i mean it's our first poop question but uh well first of all like i said uh it's super normal especially for boys to hold onto their poop or have trouble letting it go in certain places maybe i know this sounds very obvious but sometimes children need to just be told they can do their poos at school sometimes they don't know that's an option it might be a wiping thing he might be nervous that he's not as good or he can't ask for help because he's four and four-year-olds are pretty together and you know they think they're grown up so he might be too embarrassed if he needs help wiping. And also he might just not feel comfortable relaxing at school doing it but it is part of the curriculum at that age it's

it's part of self-care and the teachers should be willing to help you with it and maybe talk about it do more circles about how important it is for our digestive system maybe you could ask them to do that as a topic in school and how you know I remember a friend of mine had a child who's now fully grown teenager but we bought them the everybody poos book everybody poos easily available on amazon i think i even sent the link to this to the emailer because it's just a silly book but reminds a child that what you're doing is not is so normal that it's bound up in shame well i think they're i think children you know can feel pretty uncomfortable when they're doing their poos so they want to do it where they feel the most comfort

and that is home maybe holding on to their mom's hand who knows and you know if they're not that's how i like to well i mean holding on to my mother's hand. A little four year old is at school away from his family. I know he's doing his or her thing, but it's it's so common that I also think it's amazing this mom managed to toilet train her child at what, two and a half. That is fantastic because so many people are so afraid of toilet training that they're leaving it so late. They're basically coming to school and there's just stop wearing their nappies so i think that mom's brilliant and uh i think definitely keep talking to her child about it definitely should be an open door with the teachers though if you say this is where we are we need to sort this out because for a four-year-old

curriculum yeah yeah yeah it's one of the responsibilities of an early years teacher is to make sure that the children feel confident with all their toileting issues. And I mean, we know, I know what it's like when they have, when they soil themselves. I mean, they're mortified. They are really trying to do everything but that. Because they know that, you know, you don't make a big deal of it. Of course not. But everyone knows what's happened. Yeah. They have to change their clothes. Tell me about it. that because they know that you know you don't make a big deal of it of course not but everyone knows what's happened yeah they have to change their clothes tell me about it so i'm not sure

if i've really helped there but what i'm basically saying is definitely approach the teachers ask for help get them to do the digestive system talk about our bodies at school and how normal it is and important it is to poo how that is where the waste comes out and you need to do it but i feel like it might be a comfort thing for this child and maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable enough at school so maybe talking about that and how school is safe and it's okay to poo there yeah you see two things that you say there that make me think so are you saying because i feel like the emailer wants to know what do i say to my kids and you're saying well probably you've done nothing wrong but that they feel a little tense in school and that it's actually up to the teachers to go this

is a safe place where you can do the normal things that you do and among those normal things is taking a dump you don't you don't say taking a dump when it's a kid it's a poop yeah well you know you're always best to speak in absolute facts with children and just be what's the correct term to use in terms of poop i would just say poop i never really overthought that or number two but you know most kids it's a bit sore they're still finding it a bit uncomfortable you know and especially if they're holding on to it so then they're that's that anxiety of feeling pain and you're not at home with your mom or your dad to hold your hand so i would just yeah ask also ask him is that the problem or is it sore you know yeah like but um could it be a diet thing i don't know because like i say our boy's 11

he still has never done his poo at school are you seeing this is first of all this is news to me i think it's pretty mikey's yeah. Yeah, it's pretty normal. Kids don't like doing it at school. They just don't. Yeah, it doesn't help if you have seen some of these toilets. Yeah. I mean, maybe this guy's kid is just like, Daddy, you wouldn't do it either.

Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. No matter how much you try and keep on top of that hot mess at school as a teacher it is non-stop and yeah well i hope that's a help i really do and i very much doubt that it's going to be the last poop question that we receive keep them coming in no no issue too small or big because as you said that's a that's a very straightforward one if you have something that's very unusual that you feel like i've never heard of this before bang that into us because i imagine if she if that lady talks to any of the other parents in the class they're all struggling with the same thing i'd imagine you know i don't think anyone's coming to this show expecting you to know anything Tina but we are

going to enlist the help of our friends at our chosen charity partner jigsaw.ie if you are having trouble with your youngster whatever age they are jigsaw.ie can help you their collection of resources and workshops are astonishing at helping young people equip themselves with the skills they'll need to survive in life beyond the pandemic. I have been working with them now for nearly two years and all the feedback I get is that these people are game changers. You can ring them, You can have them come out to your school to do workshops. You can go and visit them like Prince William did. They are an unbelievable resource.

And we're going to try and enlist their help and their experts as we go into the next episode of this series, which will focus on mental health and anxiety specifically for kids young and older who are dealing with a very uncertain world and we already got in a bunch of amazing emails on that so if you have another question on it feel free to ping it through honey you're ruining our kid at gmail.com but now we'll go to the final section of the show which is parenting news this comes from the british newspaper the daily record get used to my most annoying uh accents of all time tina hates when i do accents absolutely hates it even when i do a bit of borsing oh my god anybody fancy coming around the garden really ratting me out on this podcast but tina these are good voices i just don't like impressions this who would like to come around back on and

have a little game of buckaroo a hell of a game is anybody watch bridgerton it's terribly sexy anyway daily record.co.uk mums discuss the modern parenting advice that gets on their nerves the most. OK. We've got a ton to choose from here. Let's start with this. Sleep when your baby sleeps. What human can fall asleep for 20 seconds and nap for 30 minutes every two hours? None.

Just babies. So stop telling me to do this. Sleep when your baby sleeps is a really common piece of advice but like you definitely couldn't live by that i remember people saying it to you why don't you go for a nap now that he's having a nap yeah i was too afraid to i think because you're you're so tired that you're afraid you won't wake up. I mean, I wish, here's what I wish people would tell you when you're going to have a baby about sleep. You're not going to sleep for the next three years.

Get your head around it. Tina, you can't say that. Why not? Are you kidding me? Imagine you just knew that. But that's too much. Are you serious? No, it's not too much.

That's real. That's real life. You got to invest. That's real talk. Tina, snap it up i'm sorry if you're lucky it's not your sleep gets a bit better three and obviously there's windows in there where the kid will sleep a bit better but i just think if you were more awake and aware that okay stop seeking the sleep that's not going to come to you because it's heartbreaking at the time you're so

tired you're losing your mind with tiredness and you keep thinking oh maybe I'll get sleep tonight you're not going to get sleep until that child is at school and or in nursery and a little bit more settled using their energy way more eating better and sleeping better and I just feel so sorry for every mom I see because I just know and dad I know and siblings because they're not you're not getting your sleep and it's just a tough time i don't think you even know who you are anymore when you're that sleep deprived well i think it's it's one way of looking at it isn't it oh yeah you're saying you're saying i just feel like i would have liked somebody to yeah but i kind of think what you were saying is stop don't go chasing waterfalls you aren't going to get the quality of sleep that you had prior to this child for at least three

years and assuming or chasing it is going to leave you broken and if you are getting sleep don't ever tell anyone about it that's the best one that's the best one anyway sleep sleep's long don't mention it because the minute you do it's gone it's gone it's gone you just jinx yourself yeah it's like with running brings it back to running for the first time people who go i've been so uh so lucky no injuries you can be guaranteed the next there's some weird jinx going on there there's not enough though about the sleep because honestly i just feel so sorry for all the moms all the moms i mean you just don't get any sleep because you're you know the first little while you're afraid to sleep because you're just watching your baby the whole time because i'm like oh god, God, I haven't a clue what to do. And now I have to sleep.

I'm expected to sleep and keep an eye on this baby while I'm sleeping. It's crazy. Poor mums. And you know what? I wasn't a very nice teacher before I became a mum because when mums used to turn up in the school, I used to teach in in their pajamas and stuff, I'd be like, get your shit together. Oh, you didn't. I did. I was terrible i

was like come on because you just hadn't lived it hadn't lived it oh the minute i went back to teaching after having our child i was just i just greet every mother who makes it to the school with kindness i'm like well done you got here and that does make it hard though doesn't it when you're getting advice from teachers who you're like you don't have a child well yeah i know and i hate that it makes a difference but it really does make a difference because you have an empathy for what they're going through i mean the most amazing thing that changed for me as a teacher was that i realized the life that child has before they get to school i mean they've already lived you don't know what's happened.

It's been a full day. You got to be so kind to them. More than likely, their mom has shouted at them to get their shoes on and get out the door. You know, most kids get to school and there's been some kind of argument in the house. And a mom, at drop off, you're basically letting a mom know,

it's okay. I got it from here yeah and you know don't feel too bad about screaming at your child this morning they deserved it i'm joking they didn't deserve it but they might have it's hard and uh yeah i'm sorry the sleep thing i just think stop annoying people by sleep and be real you're not going to get any sleep anymore. That's the end of parenting news for this week. Yeah. So we did it. Our first episode of Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid.

And I thought a good way to finish, and I am springing this on you, Tina, as the ending of our episode. And before I reveal what the surprise is, I do want to say, encourage anyone who wants to email in honeyyou'reruiningour our kid at gmail.com whatever it is even if it's something that you have observed and just want to say is this crazy

because how many times have you seen your kid do something where you're going dad i don't know if that's that's good yeah let us know we won't you'll be fully anonymous you go ahead what are you going to say well i was just going to say like i we don't have all the answers we're learning all the time and every child is so individual but we can also try and find the answer if tina is stumped by one of your suggestions but to close the show i thought with the spirit of improvement as a parent in mind and you know crack which is at the center of this podcast what would you like me not to do tina like what she's like where do i begin this like like this is for me as much as anything but that makes it sound like you're the only one who's has problems then i'm going to tell you yeah like because i i mean i've got that same stress that

everyone has oh my god who's my child turning into which well will i go first and tell you something okay go on brave man well go on well mikey's already told you this what that because of the difficulties that we had with him in the beginning and yeah you know at some point in the series we'll explain the full story of what happened to mikey when he was born how tough it was yeah and how that can shape you as a parent the decisions that you're going to make throughout tina does get anxious when it's anything there's anything i do you you know we've all got our own hang-ups on different things if mikey's something stuck in his tooth tina's like oh my god do we need to go to the dentist

well i'm just so yeah it's true i'm working on it but i'm always so afraid that he's in pain he doesn't complain so i'm always worried is there a pain he's just not telling us i'm like please tell me part of that is though that you're in pain a lot. And, you know, we've done an episode in the past about what Tina's living with. And again, we'll discuss that further as the series goes on. I do worry that because I don't complain. I sound like such a... I don't complain, but I don't tend to complain. That I feel like he's learned that behavior.

And now I never know if he's OK because I'm like, oh, no, I don't complain because's no point I mean it's never changing but if you've got something wrong with you we can fix it and that's the thing I'm like it's not the same Mikey I'm not going to get better but if there's something wrong with you we can we can get you better yeah but he has started now saying mom relax yeah and that would be my my thing is that yeah if you're jumping each and every time, he is less likely to come forward. Well, I think you know what my one is. Anytime Mikey has an idea, no matter what it is, like at all, Charlotte encourages it, but not just for a little while, like to the end,

to like now we're making our own board game that i'm gonna have to play some baloney to do with wars and cities and oh and i have to and i sound like such a curmudgeon here but is that the word here's my defense right but it's like why couldn't you just have said we have loads of board games because now we're going to have to play a board game where he makes up the rules at willy-nilly and i'm going to be very cross well you know i can't wait for people to eventually get this board game into their hands because mikey is so dead serious about this idea of building his own board game to me the key and my pushback on this is the word completion. Yes. To me, it's like. Great idea. Follow it through.

Yeah, let's complete it. Don't quit. You don't have ideas in there. There's that spice rack you tried to build, which is beautiful. And you are a lovely, lovely daddy. But when Mikey says things to you like let's watch uh die hard three you're like okay and i'm like jarlett what's the rating on that movie that's true the board game is probably not the best die hard three is a better example which includes the n word in the first

four minutes of the movie it's not a kid's movie because mikey asked isn't enough reason for us to do that if you leave this podcast with anything it's don't show dying hearts to your child or little dicky videos little dicky all of this stuff is off the menu we're lonely island put a list together of things you shouldn't show your children but tina thank you so much for doing this it's been so much fun well it is so much fun and i think the um the people who've emailed in are amazing and so kind of you to do that. And I just hope I don't come across like I think I know everything. I know I don't. But I do adore children.

I love them. I think we're so lucky if we get to spend time with them. And if there's any way I can help, I will. Look, half the thing here is realize that you're not on your own. Oh, God, no. That there isn't a problem that you're going to submit to this show that 20 other people listening are going, I've the same thing. Yeah.

So if you associate it with any of the things that you heard, if you can say, wait till you hear this, it's way worse. Honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com is the email address. And we'll see you next time.

Bye-bye.