Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - I Have A Daredevil Kid, A Meeting With The Principal And Pants Accidents - S2Ep18

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

Meeting the principal of your kid's school when you are not happy with what is happening there is very tough. How can you get the most out of these meetings? Tina has experience from both sides of the fence. Is your kid a bit of daredevil? How do you reign them in without crushing that adventurous spirit? When a kid regresses to wetting themselves over a certain age, what do you do? This jam packed episode continues over on www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad. Here are Tina's questions:Question 1- A mom gets in touch about her thrill seeking daughter and how stressful it is to manage her kid's cowgirl dreams. Jarlath gets super honest about his feelings towards ponies and horses and once I catch my breath from laughing, we try and come up with a plan. Question 2. What do you do if your son’s teacher is being "extra mean" to him and taking away lunchtimes, isolating him from his friends? How can you help your child survive his days at school? Can you reach out to the teacher in an attempt to get her to change her ways?Question 3. It’s hard to believe that some parents walk out on their families but unfortunately this is a reality that some children have to learn to live with. Rejection affects us all in different ways. In this case a little eight year old boy has started to wet and soil himself. A very worried mom gets in touch begging for help. We think this regression in toilet training is a result of another behavioural factor. If we can guide this mom is surviving this storm hopefully we can get her boy back to himself soon. Pop on over to Patreon for the extra parenting content. This week we take a super dive into the challenge that is parenting teens. Jarlath Regan | creating Irishman Abroad Podcasts | PatreonWelcome back to another episode of Honey You’re Ruining Our Kid. What a week we have had, thank you to everyone who is coming out to Jarlath’s shows. We love getting to meet you guys. If you have any questions do not hesitate to email us here at [e-mail]. No question is too big or too small. 

Does your kid have a wild and crazy spirit that you worry about diminishing by reining them in pulling them back from the cliff? Does your kid still have accidents at eight years old in their pants? Accidents are natural I mean in their pants. And is the teacher of your child committed to a form of crime and punishment that you don't agree with? If any of these problems affect you, or even if they don't, you're listening to the right podcast. It's Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid,

the parenting podcast from the Irishman Abroad, the zero judgment parenting podcast. Because all of those problems, regardless of whether they affect you, everyone with them, the uniform thing and the thing that gets into every email is people think it's just them with the problem it's not it's not tina's here with me she's the one with the expertise 20 years in the business uh working with the most severe behaviors you can imagine yeah and i love it she's seen it all and she doesn't judge it all.

No. She's always got an approach and a tactic to help you break whatever behavior you're putting up with in three to four days

best case scenario. Yeah. Or if, you know, it's a little bit different and the child, the behaviors are out of their control, help you manage their behaviors yeah okay well

you know Tina I thought about that for Ian crazy spirit that's going to be question number one okay I can't wait to get into that one because I wondered are were you more of a you know a risk taker or uh guys can we put the uh tops back on the scissors because somebody's going to get hurt? I would love to say I was a risk taker, but I think I was very serious child. A very serious kid. This is a surprise. I don't know why I was so serious. Why is a kid serious that way? Like there's always a kid who's like, settle down everyone, someone's going to get hurt.

Yeah. And then there's a kid who's like, let everyone someone's gonna get hurt yeah and then there's a kid who's like let's jump off the shed let's see what happens we'll use our coats as parachutes oh my god I know like Dara that when you tell those jokes in your show it's so funny and you were like like you weren't a careful kid you weren't a crazy kid

you were like a strange person I definitely had a... So one of the stories they tell in the show is about me stowing away in the boot of my parents' car when they went to the pub. People never believe it's true. They don't even believe it. But there's other stories of me walking home from school at four years old, which sounds like... To teach his mother a lesson for being late.

It was to teach her a lesson. I wanted to show her love. But the worst one, Derek, can we tell? What's the worst one? The worst one is when you scared the shit out of your mother. Ah, no, we're not telling that one. Please, come on. No, I think I was taking the piss when I said this to my mother.

We were learning about religion in school and they were saying that, you know, Jesus will come again to judge the living and the dead. And we don't know in what form, in a very humble form. It could be at any time, but he will come again and you need to be ready for the second coming. And I went home and said to my mother,

am I Jesus? Is that possible? Am I the second coming of Christ? Anyone? Any takers? And when you bring it up, she always says, we didn't like that. No, I didn't.

That wasn't a high point. I think that was a bit scary. We were a little bit then. We were a bit afraid to be for a few days. I was just taking it on like it could be anybody. It could be you. It could be me. Who knows?

And look, we didn't know that was Jesus originally until he went to the temple and got angry at everybody for selling stuff in the lobby. I can never remember the stories. You know, he flipped over the tables and he's like, how can you do this in my dad's house? And they were like, your dad? And they were like, yeah, my dad's God.

And they were like, oh. And they were like, I just thought Christmas was really weird that year that you were born. Okay, you're being doggie. The episode today has got an extra large portion to it that you can access over on patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad, where we lean into the tween, teen side of things, which is a whole whole another bag that we're starting to experience and lots of you are

and Jarlett is really schooling himself I'm going down in this I'm really double down on the research and it's brilliant

yeah well look this is your area is definitely the youngings I definitely take that the weans and

you know we're all flying blind in terms of the teens except for those that are in the area and have written great books and there's an abundance of those but what do you do when your tween or teen just can't see outside of themselves they just only focused on themselves their their their default setting is me and you're just terrified that's them now that's the person they're going to be well the reassurance i have for you in the second half. And you're just terrified that's them now. That's the person they're going to be. Well, the reassurance I have for you in the second half of the show,

you're going to want to hear because this is very, very normal. Really normal. And there is ways and means of helping them to be more community orientated. But it won't happen overnight. Irishmanabroadpodcast.gmail.com is the email for the broader email network. Honey, you're ruining our kid. Honey, you're ruining our kid. Honey, you are ruining our kid.

You are ruining our kid. I actually got my favorite ever email in last night. Okay, hit me. It was from a man. I won't name him. We're not supposed to do that. Yeah, that's the anonymous nature, yep. And he said that

he loves the parenting podcast and he loves the running podcast and that he doesn't have kids and he doesn't run. And he is not alone. You're doing something right. Yeah, but I don't think he should feel strange about that. We have loads of listeners who get in touch

going, I listen to your podcast every week, but I don't have any kids. But they're like, but now I feel like when I'm around my friends, I can actually understand why their kid is acting like that and not judge them so much. We've all done that before we had kids, I think. We've all done silly things where we're like, you know, why is she being like that with her kid? And then you're like, oh, I totally know why she's doing that now.

So that's nice. That's nice.'s nice that is cool but like it is the chats I suppose that's the centre of this it's good conversation and we don't have

a marketing budget so people are hearing about it because of you and the word of mouth and of course it was on Angela Scanlon that got repeated

the appearance I made on Angela Scanlon shout out to Angela and her lovely family. I do want to say we are recording this late. Apologies for the late upload. It is very much the morning after the night before. Did we have a busy week?

Four nights. Darla just did four belters. Four sold out nights at the three Olympia in Dublin. Thank you everybody who came out. Thank you, Tina. I can't say that, but they were the gigs of my life. They were amazing. And you were so at home in that room.

I think I'd love if we could just bring that room with us everywhere because it was the best I've ever seen. Like you were hilarious. I see the show all the time. I was still laughing. So that's a good time. The show is in great nick. If you want to come and see it in 2024, go to jigsr.com forward slash gigs. Meet myself

and Tina after the show. We always stick around for points. We're going to Leicester Birmingham. Kilkenny. Kilkenny. Warwick Cork. Radlet. Radlet. Yeah. Glasgow. Manchester. Where else? Waterford. Fligo, Westbrook. That's a big London show. Oh, yeah. Shepherds Bush Empire on March 8th.

More about that in the coming weeks, but it is on sale now from Ticketmaster.com. Let's get to the questions, Tina. We have a belter to start things off. Honey, you're ruining your kid is my Monday coffee. What a great opening line for this email. I live for this show. Thank you both for doing this for free.

Yeah, I wish it wasn't for free, but it is for free. I mean, that's the bit that always gets me. You guys are doing this for free. Hoping I haven't made you rethink your social conscious choices because I need your help. My four-year-old daughter is obsessed with horses she's obsessed with the horses and has been begging to start horse riding it took me ages to find a horse riding center that would take her when she's still so young four years old yeah very cute i mean that's real jockey stuff like i also grew up in horse racing and i mean four-year-olds wanting to be on horseback was a very common thing and this kid is obviously just

the same way obsessed eventually we found the perfect place a bit of a drive but we thought we'll give it a go because she seems so into it what a good parent this is however things are not going well my daughter keeps trying to gallop off on the horse i'm sorry for laughing but this email cracks me up because this kid obviously has a vision in her head of the hair flowing in the wind and yeah yeah she's like away orange it is mommy yeah but like also the amount of jockeys i grew up next to who were fearless yeah i think you kind of have to be don't this sounds like a kid that has a future in this yeah maybe i talked to a jockey on irishman abroad once and i said to him did you ever get scared like you're going 60 miles an hour on a wild animal? And he said that the red light doesn't come up.

And he said the next time or if it ever does, that's when you quit. This kid does not have the red light. She's way too brave, her mom says. We can't seem to get her to understand that while horse riding is fun and cool, it's always super dangerous. How can we get our daughter to be more careful without damaging her wild spirit i love this kid love it like that's like i would not love to have this kid yeah because i'm trying to think about it like what's happening there really is the kid doesn't see any problem with what's happening you know she's got

to go to horse riding now it's the best thing that's ever happened and she's living her best life to be the mom who's watching her kid and terrified she's going to break her back every second because she's being like really carefree and careless that's not a nice place to be when you're stressed out you're doing a really nice thing for your kid right and it's so stressful let me jump in there right as a man who attended horse riding lessons reluctantly i do not like horses i'll be straight with anybody listening to this going oh this is wonderful i love horses too i do not understand the fascination with this creature they are lethal they do not like us and why would they charlotte i like horses and i think you're a little bit you're a little bit what do you like about these horses just because beautiful yeah you see they're so surfacy isn't it when you

get to know a horse they're quite clever so shallow they're so beautiful they give you hugs they do in their hole they'll try and kick you in the face at the first opportunity. Why would horses like us? We are nailing shoes to their feet. They're like, what? I don't. I was just grazing. Now you've put metal on my feet.

I liked my hooves the way they were. But their hooves get sore without the shoes. Because you're riding them. You don't see horses in the wild going, excuse me, could somebody nail metal to my feet? Because I need them reinforced. Nature made their feet fine

to carry themselves. These animals, this mom is 100% right, horse is dangerous. You don't want to show your kid a load of YouTube videos oh god no bursting themselves off horses but it is not your job as the mom no no definitely the teacher's job and this is the best bit about this question is you she's actually going to continue to be

the hero who is making her daughter's dreams come true. Because you've got to go to that instructor and you need to say, she's going to hurt herself because she's too brave. I just need you to tell her the rules and the safety and everything that needs to be explained to her when it comes to horses. I wouldn't even do that. What?

I think that that's the equivalent of someone coming up to you as a preschool teacher and saying, she is. You have to tell her to be careful with the scissors. She's always cutting herself. I would appreciate that, though, as a teacher, because you don't like you'd be going. Of course, I'm going to do that.

Oh, yeah, I guess. But then there's also the angle of is a parent coming to tell you, look, my child is a liability. You don't know them well enough yet because i've definitely been that mother you've had to go into teachers and say my child's taking the piss with you but here's he's doing basic stuff because he knows you think that's all he's capable of like i know horse riding is an extreme sport yeah it is think about it you're getting on the back of this really powerful wild animal that has been tamed inverted commas broken and a strap has been put around its belly so that you can sit on it and act like you're the boss you are not the boss of this animal i have i've talked to AP McCoy about this. I said to Sir AP McCoy, who's winning the races, you or the horse?

And he said, it's the horse. It's 80% the horse. He said it might be 90% the horse. It's 10% me. Well, that just shows how humble he is. These animals are in charge. They are the bosses. But when you go to that riding school teacher and go will you make

sure that she's careful they're gonna look at you going do you think i have no respect for health and safety i will lose my job if i'm not careful i don't know i don't think you can say that though i don't think you can say you can't go to a teacher and just say can you be can you my child's a little bit wild okay i think if your child has that wild like can't see fear energy you need to let the teacher know because they don't know that that kid is not going to scare easily i'm interested to know how the kid is galloping off yeah as she said trying but like because when you start you've never been taken away by a horse i have oh i've been run away many times. I've been dropped and run into hedges and thrown into ditches. This would explain my fear of horses.

I definitely galloped on one of my first lessons and I was gone for a while. And like, this is probably the answer to this question. This shit's going to take care of itself. She is going to fall off. They told me, you're not a jockey till you fall off three times yeah she's gonna fall off once and she gets a fright it's literally like when your kid is running poorly with poor form dragging their toe and slapping themselves eventually she gets a fall off the horse where she's wearing her back protector and her helmet.

And she goes, oh, I need to be a bit more careful about this. Yeah, but I mean, it is trial and error. That is just like you, that joke you used to do about your mother. Let him fall. How will he know what his blood tastes like if he don't let him taste his own blood? I was like, what? I don't want my child's mouth smashed open. Thank you.

No, no, no, no. Fair enough. At some point, she might fall. And that is unfortunate. But we can protect them from that. No. With rules and letting her know. Not with horses.

Not with horses. Jesus Christ, this is such a triggering question for you. No, it's really. Like, Katina, it is like saying, riding a unicycle. We can prevent them from falling. No. Your kid is going to fall off the horse I never fell off the horse

you didn't ride them long enough then for the very reason that I said that you're not in charge and this is an animal with its own ideas maybe you just didn't meet any of the nice horses I don't want to sound privileged I had a horse called BB Beauty I loved BB Beauty

tell us about BB Beauty i didn't get to choose her name she called bb beauty or did you have a stutter at the time but bb beauty that's not nice but she would see me coming with my basket of combs and stuff and she'd be so happy basket of combs and i would brush her hair and braid it and she'd give me a little nuzzle. She was nice. This sounds like a dream. It was a dream. This sounds like a cartoon you watched. No. My basket of cones, my hair in a plait, and my summer dress. Baby Beauty, she had to go and live

in, she didn't get on with one of the other horses or something bullshitty like that. Oh right. So then she had to go to my auntie and uncle's in Petty Croy. So anytime I was down there, I got to see her and she always remembered me. You sound like the richest kid in the history of the world and then my pony

had to go and live what's in a pony it was a horse they're ponies are they this kid's not riding horses although do you know what BBB she hated

my brother anytime David got up in her sheet what's that thing they call what's that thing when they throw you book she'd book him off But you know what? Maybe she hated my brother. Anytime David got up in her sheet. What's that thing they call? What's that thing when they throw you? Book. Book.

She'd book him off. Here's the thing. I probably do have a bit more knowledge of ponies than others. And I would say to this mom, you need to stop attending the lessons. No. I know that you probably don't. Everyone attends. I doubt they're going to let her not attend. I'm just saying that you might need't everyone attends i doubt they're gonna let her i'm just saying that you might need to look the other you might need to look the other way for a while

because it can also be that you know it clearly they don't have a background in pony riding themselves maybe right okay so you're overly cautious because you're going she's crazy she likes to ride the bike off when we are trying to hold on to the back of it the instructors if you say it's a good school they know they've seen kids like your kid they will be able to harness it but i stand by my point that this is self-correcting because she learns an awareness of how risky this is simply through falling off, getting back on, realizing I need to stay more in control here. This isn't about, yaha, away. Let's agree then that leaving this question, it's a little bit of you, self-correction and a little bit of me thinking, I think it's OK to inform your child. I think it's OK to read books.

I think it's OK to let them know that you need to be careful. I think it's also your lived experience. You're right. I don't want anything to ruin this girl's energy. Sure. She sounds amazing. But also as a riding teacher they're probably onto it too yeah because

their insurance and everything they need kids that will listen I got shouted at at riding school more than anywhere in my life

really because the teachers were scared shitless because where I went that you were going to break your neck because a lot of people get hurt doing this

our instructor never shouted because she was always afraid of spooking the horses. Mrs Fahey on the Nace Road. Oh my God. God rest her. She just bellowed at you

from one, in fairness, she was shouting from one side of a field to another. But she could project that voice. Have some faith that the riding school is what it is.

I think your kid's going to be fine. We do sound extremely privileged. and maybe in years to come we'll be hearing of her winning the Grand National yeah but anyone listening to this outside of Ireland it's pretty normal

for kids in Ireland to do horse riding most people are on horseback at all times it's not like in England where it's a very privileged thing I mean it's still privileged everyone

but like it's much easier to ride a horse here yeah first time mailer but long time listener Everyone is connected to horses. It's much easier to ride a horse here. First time mailer, but long time listener. Dina, I'm really interested to know what you think about my question with your background in teaching. Yesterday, my son's teacher told him off for getting an answer wrong. Okay, straight away.

In front of the class? Who gets told off For getting an answer wrong Unless his answer was Well we know that happens But still I don't think it's okay If he burped his answer Then maybe

Okay As a punishment She made him miss out on his break time. No, okay. That's where you jump in. My son is a pretty busy boy, but he is only nine years old. Okay, tough age. I've got a lot of feelings about this.

I'm trying to consider the teacher's point of view, but I genuinely feel quite annoyed over it. I understand if a child is misbehaving, every school has their own behavioral policy but particular teachers seem to have insane expectations for kids in her class this particular teacher right when did we start punishing kids for not knowing stuff okay so he didn't know the answer right that's interesting so it wasn't uh back chat or cheek she seems to be putting time pressures on kids to answer questions but not every child can work this way again going back to our last episode and then you're a diverse kids there's multiple reasons why kids can't work that way i have nothing wrong with me that i know of that way and i can't answer questions on the spot like that even now in this podcast yeah i get really you have no idea how many times we have to pause as tina looks out the window into the distance

for inspiration my son gets easily mixed up when he feels under pressure am i wrong to be upset about this what can i realistically jath, I love your advice too. I just know from listening that Tina is the teacher. Yeah, true enough. Thank you guys for the podcast. It's an absolute lifeline for me and a tonic. Well, first of all, I'm so sorry this happened to your kid because he's nine years old and now he's being humiliated

and he'll remember that. He's going to remember. That's a core memory for him and I feel awful for him. And thank God he has a mother who, when it was reported home, is taking, and while she is trying to understand

the teacher's point of view, she has taken on board that something happened to her kid that she knows is wrong. Yeah, but I do want to say that there does need to come with a health warning that you've given me

around your kid telling you what happened in school. Yeah, you have to be careful. It has to be taken with a pinch of salt. What's the expression? That's correct. A pinch of salt and throw it over the shoulder. I always get it wrong.

Your kid is telling you that he got a question wrong and had his lunch break taken away. Now, let's be honest. Is that possible? It is. it is it is possible is there other stuff that is possible that that is 100 true and it's also possible that there's a lot of other stuff in there that didn't happen now i have seen i think i'm not that young but i'm not that old yet either in terms of teaching baby team in terms of teaching but there are some teachers who came before us who i i'm sorry are very old school in how they teach

and they are being pulled up on it because there are you know it's not acceptable anymore to treat kids like that and younger teachers don't do that they just would never it would never come into their head and if they do that's so wrong because we all know you do not humiliate a child you do not punish them and you do not take away stuff from them unless it's like severely you know out of control behavior people i jump in again but i just wanted to say it is believable to me because I remember walking to a classroom in one of my old schools. And I saw a kid, a gorgeous child, very shy little girl being humiliated in front of the class. The teacher not only called her up because she was talking or something, but she knew she knew well this kid wouldn't know the answer. She knew well. And in that moment i was like okay

what do i do this is my colleague like this one of my friends so what i did was i stood in the classroom the middle of the class and i just stared her down the teacher until she stopped because what she was doing to that kid was horrendous yeah an imprint that could last she never went and said anything about it. She never brought it up with me. But I was like, I see you. And what you're doing right now is not okay. And you know well if I leave this classroom and go tell any other teacher you're doing this,

you're going to be in trouble. This is very sexy stuff. Because I love that you were there for that kid. But that kid was a beautiful little person who didn't need this. And I could see the teacher was like, oh, you were talking for that kid. But that kid was a beautiful little person who didn't need this. And I could see the teacher was like, oh, you were talking where you were. Let the whole class know how stupid you are. Come up here and do this.

Right. So I'm in. I'm in. I think you're totally right. I should never have doubted that this kid. We don't know. You're right. You have to be careful about what your kids tell us.

It also sounds like your kid's a character. And I love those kids. And she is being careful because she's kids tell us. It also sounds like your kid's a character and I love those kids. And she is being careful because she's considering both sides. Sure, right. But here's the question, regardless of any of that. Okay. Is it ever acceptable to take a kid's freaking lunch break? I think not.

Well, that's a hard one because like she says, it comes down to school policy. If that is one of the behaviors. Crap policy. Yeah, it's a crap policy. But if that kid is a danger to other kids in the yard that's different then it's different yeah if that kid has a punishment for getting something wrong oh god no no no never never never never never i think you need to get in there yeah no i i'll okay i'll let you get there sorry there i am again not able to get my words out i definitely think she needs to request a meeting with this teacher uh i would ask maybe for the principal or the yearhead to

be there too uh early years head whatever well yeah because you need a witness you need backup if you have a partner maybe they go with you but don't bring your child and don't go in um all guns blazing basically just the way you approached us with your question just be like i'm just a bit confused i mean how bad was the behavior that it warranted this yeah or i or uh listen i want to we want to help with my kid as i know it can be a handful sometimes yeah and you have to be but you wouldn't say that well how would you say let's get this right because this is the this is the actual intricacy of the help that a lot of people need is how do you word it coming from your background tina yeah to best get the best response

well you have to keep you cool because what you're doing what you don't want to do is get that teacher's backup because then they'll just be like there's no talking to the parents either it's not just the child the mother's a nightmare no wonder he's like that so what you need to do is kind of bring them in get them on your side be like i need help i don't you know you know i want him to be happy at school something must have happened. Do you think there's something upsetting him? You know, is it normal for my child to lose their break? It seems a little bit over the top for me.

Was he doing something dangerous? Because in reality, that's the only reason a child should be separated and taken away. So you're good, Tina. You're good. Now, I mean, there's loads of people listening to this going I need this but going in angry will never work for you they will just think there's no talking

to those parents but it's just like it's just like dealing with anybody in authority yeah like you ring even like

you remember you rang the tax office that time oh my god that man was so horrible to me and like you did try the softly softly method and he was like, you know, straight on top of you.

But the bit of England in me was like, you're being a jerk to me. I was like, why are you talking to me like this? And I would say that to them too going in is like, just be very clear that asking for an explanation as to what took place is not above and beyond. No, also asking for the explanation will make that teacher think twice about doing that again. There you go. And if there was a good reason for it, you should have been told. Like, there's no way a teacher's allowed to do that and not inform a parent.

no way a teacher's allowed to do that and not inform a parent and for me i think if the school says well we do have a policy where if a child is not performing in class they lose the lunch break so well i think if i talk to i think that we need to talk about that policy because for me that policy just wouldn't exist they wouldn't be allowed to write that in they just can't well yeah so if they say that that's the policy, yeah, you got to have a chat about that. You go to Department of Education or you go to Offset or wherever country you live in. How important break time is. Oh, yeah. But also, it's such a punishment.

It's so over the top. Taking away their friendships. He's nine years old. You're isolating him from the class. You're making those kids think he that's okay you're also showing them how to isolate they're othering him yeah it's not good and as a young lad who did not particularly like school you're really sharing today really did not uh lunch break was what it was all about for me particularly at nine playing football did you have a bold wall

in your school we had a bold wall in saint paul's and i remember getting a bold wall like this is like the opposite of a hall of fame your picture goes up on the bold wall was always full and you weren't what's the bold they were on they stood against the wall it wasn't like your photo went up when no congratulations tommy lacey sorry on another week of being bold that's three weeks straight no you if you're in the yard and you did something bold you were sent to the bold wall and you just stand there like the wall of shame for the whole lunchtime and now that i'm older i realized like i had one day at the bold wall i told somebody to fuck off or something for calling me tina turner i got called tina turner a lot it was really triggering for

you yeah like and it's amazing that you didn't have a problem being called miss piggy no i love for calling me Tina Turner. I got called Tina Turner a lot. That was really triggering for you. Yeah. It's amazing that you didn't have a problem being called Miss Piggy. No, I love that. That was a compliment. Tina Turner, one of the greatest performers the world has ever seen. But I didn't know who Tina Turner was when I was a kid.

You just said it was an annoying bit of alliteration. I was like, Tina Turner? I didn't know. She wasn't in my atmosphere yet. I may have been telling you you were simply the best. I'm sorry for that joke. That's a terrible joke. But I know now from being a grown-up simply the best I'm sorry for that joke that's a terrible

joke but I know now from being a grown up but the reason I was left at the bowl wall so long that day because that stupid teacher just forgot about me

dope you know and like teachers you got it what age were you I think I was seven your little legs

like the thing about any of these punishments I do think it's doubly harsh because when you're that age you just remember it I mean thankfully those punishments i do think it's doubly harsh because when you're that age you just remember it i mean thankfully those punishments don't exist anymore i mean i do feel like secondary school is a little weird area where punishments are really still going we're going to talk about that yeah in the second half i hope we help this mom i really do think she has to make

an appointment with the teacher if she can keep her cool keep it calm bring a partner bring somebody with her not the child try and have someone else there with the teacher so she has to make an appointment with the teacher if she can keep her cool keep it calm bring a partner bring somebody with her not the child try and have someone else there with the teacher so she has to talk in front of another grown-up and explain herself don't go melissa mccarthy in this is 40 i'm gonna drop that clip also also don't let the teacher know i'm being really bold now don't let the teacher know why you're asking for the meeting that gives her a chance to prepare this is no but don't do don't let her know just say i need i'm a little bit worried something happened i want to come in or just i'm a little bit worried about him how he's doing keep it very general do not let her know oh this is great great stuff Jarlath and Tina I need your help and guidance

I love that I got it included there like all I do is read out the emails lads my son is seven years old very close to turning eight we're having regular accidents not just urine related he has issues with both he was easy to toilet train and

never had accidents when he was younger. I have to throw away the underwear. And I'm close to having to have our couch reupholstered. Oh, flip. Holy crap. That's a lot. You've obviously read this. Yeah.

And I haven't. It started shortly after his dad left. Oh, God. So I know it is related but it has been a year with no progress I just don't know what to do how do I help my child I'd love to take him to counselling but I'm just not in a position to do that right now it is massively expensive to do that hoping you guys can help it's really upsetting me not being able to make him stop he doesn't have accidents at school that's great yeah so i know he understands what is appropriate well there's light there or does he not have

accidents at school because he just holds it all in till he gets home maybe he's not going to toilet school i would be more inclined to think that he gets home maybe he's not going to toilet school i would be more inclined to think that he's like that's not something i do there but i get loads of hugs and attention when i do it at home am i wrong on that i'm going off what you've told me over the years of doing this podcast well my heart breaks for this kid because he's been abandoned he feels abandoned and uh he is definitely going through some turmoil emotional turmoil and this is how it is showing itself and this is very infuriating if you're the parent have you seen this have i seen regression like that when a child is uh going through something absolutely it's the most normal thing to happen.

Sometimes it's with they're not well or something's brewing or if they're really emotionally sad and worried, they will wish they will have that. And is it like I don't know how to put this. Is it on purpose or I don't believe it's on purpose. I think they just it's just a way it manifests right so it's kind of a loss of control or yeah or or consciousness of that control yeah and like it's a really really hard one because that's not really the issue for me that is something that's happening because of something else so we need to help this mom help the child through what he's going through that is causing him to be

so upset and within himself that this is the byproduct of that so i would this is a big kid yeah i mean he's a big kid. And he's like... He's well able to talk, is what I'm saying. Yeah. So there's that light too. And we've seen this a few times. When we lived in England, we've seen parents disappear. And I never...

Literally. Literally gone. I have a separate life. Yeah. I have a second family and stuff. I mean, that happened to two different people in our area and uh i was so shocked and the impact on the kids was the impact on those kids was horrendous and the poor mothers or dads who were left carrying the load and so my heart breaks for

this mom and this kid because this is this is kind of like it's kind of hard to even know how to navigate this question because they're so you just worry so much for these two people but there has to be someone who can help you either i know you're saying money is tight but the school needs to provide extra care for your son right now you need to go into that school make an appointment and you need to ask them what resources are available to me because i need help there is no shame in that because your son needs your help right now he's sad and i know it's been a year but to him he's still feeling whatever he's feeling just the same as he did when it happened straight away because he doesn't understand why it happened the school will actually respond well yeah of course they

will yeah well hopefully you hope yeah and look if they have a responsibility to respond well because someone's coming to them with this and if they don't they can get in a lot of trouble exactly once you go you take the steps and you go. Now it's in. There's something has to happen. It's now officially flagged. Yeah. You have done your job as a parent. You have gone and sought out help. Online resources available to this lady.

I don't know where they live, but Jigsaw is incredible. Well, guess what I'm going to suggest? I don't know. Head Plan Journal. The Head Plan Journal is brilliant. He's eight years old. The one for kids. Now that is expensive, but she could just look at one and make her own 20 ish 30 that's expensive for a notebook but i'm not i'm not messing this thing's gonna change things it is

amazing right away we've mentioned head plan journal so much like really think by now head plan journal should have sent us we should have a box of them and we should send them to anybody with these problems thing to be able to do but um head plan i only get incredible feedback from people who started using them with their kids they're like this is a game changer because it's not just a diary it actually gives them tasks yeah it's guided questions yeah it helps them process their the diary is just too blank yeah and it ends up just getting smaller and smaller the entries become smaller but with head plant journal it's like what was a thing in your day that did x and teaches them how to reflect upon the stuff which is amazing well they wouldn't answer that question unless they had the journey so i i'm gonna say to this mom okay if you can try to cope with the wetting and the soiling um i would not give it any attention

definitely no negative attention you know get him to change his clothes get him to put his pants in the bin you know but don't be mean or anything about it just don't give much for that then when he's all dressed and clean and everything you know find something amazing that he's done or notice a moment of him being in you know smiley or something give him hugs he needs hugs but don't give him anything for the soiling now we're not going to address that behavior because i really think that behavior is from something else and that something else is so big that he doesn't know what to do with himself so I think go to the school get somebody to help he needs to talk to somebody who's not his mom because he is probably so worried about you too because he's heartbroken and he knows my mom must

be heartbroken as well he needs a he needs a stranger in his life a teacher somebody who's not going to have emotions linked to the person who left them yeah and hopefully hopefully with a little bit of help he will stop this in time in time but this is something that's because of something else wow i think i think great answer tina and if we're wrong come back to us we will we will we're i'm happy for people to come back that's our episode here on the free platforms but come on over to patreon.com forward slash irishman abroad this is the month to do it start the new year new year fresh with loads of great listening over there including the running podcast with sonia o'sullivan get guidance on getting back

out there getting healthy in 2024 and of course marion mckeown leading us through the american politics maze if you feel overwhelmed by the news in the sense that i don't even know what's going on anymore marion makes sense of it all every single Friday. And it returns a little bit of calm to your life. Yeah. When you have kids, there can be that sense that I just never get to catch up. I always think it makes me feel like I'm in tune with the world. And I feel like if I end up being, I have a little bit of a social anxiety since the pandemic because we stopped going out and doing things.

I have a little bit of a social anxiety since the pandemic because we stopped going out and doing things. But the Marian podcast and you, Marian, actually make me feel like, well, I will be able to talk. To people. If this comes up. In public. I'm not an idiot. I actually know something about this.

Definitely not an idiot, Tina. Massive help to people this week, as always. Honey, you're ruining your kid at gmail.com. Keep the emails coming, and hopefully we'll see a few of you over on Patreon for the second half when we get into those teenage issues of

might be a teeny weeny bit self-centred at this point how do you deal with it teeny weeny bit self-centred