Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Is My 18 Year Old Spoiled? Getting Rid Of The Bottle & Social Media

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

We open this week’s episode with a little parents guide to parent teacher meetings.School reports are arriving, realities are being brought to your attention and the dreaded parent teacher conferences are just around the corner. How will you navigate them? Listen in to find out. Question 1- School refusal is one of the most common problems facing parents worldwide. What do you do when they reach 18 though and the pattern is cemented? How do you emotionally cope with the toll of having to force them out of bed and out of the house every day. When the professionals have let you down what are your options? Is your child doomed to not embrace his/her life? How can you smash this habit? Question 2- The mom gaze haunts us all. Other moms making us feel bad about its mumming can stop us asking for help when we really need it. Honey You’re Ruining our Kid exists for this very reason. Zero judgement here. This week a mom gets in touch who is struggling to get her 3 year old to stop asking for the bottle. She’s ashamed that she can’t switch her kid to a zippy cup. Should she Feel this pang of shame or should she just do what suits her and makes her child feel happy and content? Question 3 will feature over on Patreon. So if you are thirsty for more why not head on over to Patreon for the extra juicy stuff. Thank you to everyone who is listening in, sharing our pod and who are getting in touch. We really appreciate it.   www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad to access the full ad free episodewww.jigser.com/gigs to come and see Jarlath live!

It's everyone's favorite time of year. It's the parent teacher meetings. They're on the horizon. There's no getting away from them. And honey, you're rooting our kid today. We're going to talk about how do you approach these things? Whatever is happening in your kid's life, whatever you think might be going on in there.

I mean, I was outside Mikey's school the other day and there was two girls, maybe 56 year girls walking by me and they'd just been given the reports now. In the envelope. In the envelope. Our reports have not come home yet. So yeah, funny. But this is what I overheard her saying, just write, just do their signature yourself.

You don't have to show them. How will they ever find out? Yeah. Wow. And the girl said, I know I'd have to tell them they'd find out at the parent teacher meeting anyway. She was like, OK, you got a point there. And I was like, it's so funny. They're still trying to get out of the car for five minutes.

Yeah. So it's up some info. Well, it was just so funny because I was I was thinking, that's bizarre. We're still doing that. Like these kids are still doing that. How do we get away with this? I mean, not only do the reports gets get put in an envelope, but they get sent to the parents via the class, you know, the school app thing, school, whatever it is. And it is so funny. I should advice from that friend, by the way, as well.

It's like, yes, you've signed it. You said it'd be fine. This is advice I'm giving you, but I'd never do myself. Don't teenagers have their own kind of strange set of rules when it comes to ethical rules, like, I mean, yeah, it's like, is that just something we all did? Were we all just a little bit grey? Was there no black and white when we were teenagers? Are you just trying to get away with shit the whole time?

We were haunted by the all seeing eye that we were going to go to hell. We did lie. The guilt, the guilt, the guilt. The sense that not being able to sleep at night, saying extra prayers, going to bed, genuinely like literally going through the act of contrition. Yeah, lighting candles, hoping that will help the exam along. Oh, my God. How many of us did that? The parent teacher meeting, as the kids said, that's when it's all going to come out.

Yes. And the way these are run now, I'd love to hear from you guys. How's it run at your school? What's what's the deal? Like, is it like the Montessori we were at in England where a little bell would ring? That was crazy. You'd be mid-sentence and they'd be like, the bell rang. Which was so not Montessori at all to treat parents like that but anyway you know that was a strange place. The teacher was trying to catch a fly during our one. Yeah that was such a strange place. There was a fly buzzing around. She kept trying to catch it. I have very few regrets but that is, what a money pit that was because we paid a fortune.

There's a lot of people claiming to be Montessori that aren't. Yeah. And he pretended to be a dog for two years. He really did. He pretended to be a dog who painted. So the paintings we were getting home were very messy. And like Grant, you know, he is a very imaginative kid. There's quite a lot of people that would think that that kind of child led that he's exploring. Yeah, but I didn't send him to that kind of school.

I didn't send him to a Steiner school. I sent him to a Montessori school where I wanted him to have a Montessori experience. But we didn't have the money, my side-ass. We definitely couldn't afford it. We're not flush. That is such an Irish Mammy word. Yeah, we're not flush now. And all the other parents were allowed in the room, but not the parent who was a

Montessori teacher couldn't have her seeing what was actually happening in there. But the parent teacher meetings that I've been to with you over the years, Tina, you do have a very good approach on these. Really? Yeah, you're very good at letting them do the talking. And you're like touching my leg. Well, we got that advice from lovely Meg Bellingham in England. Remember, she said, when you go in, stay quiet, let them do the work. Meg Bellingham, shout out to Meg Bellingham. Absolute queen.

Oh, yeah. She's a legend. Let you talk. Yeah, she's brilliant. I miss her. But, yeah, she was like, don't fill their gaps for them. And that is great advice. And when I had that advice from her, I have to say, when I was on the other side of it, I was really terrified when I was the teacher, because then all of a sudden, it's terrifying to have to fill those gaps. So would she give you suggestions as to what to say?

Like, because there's obviously certain questions you should ask. Yeah, well, you think you should let them lead it. Absolutely let them lead it. And if they say anything you don't like, you need to say, explain that. What do you mean by that? Expand on that. Yeah. You tell me what you think. Well, Charlie, sometimes a little bit rough with his hands. How so? Tell me more.

Tell me more. Yeah, exactly. And you know what? I want incidents, names, times. Well, make them do their work. I mean, and don't be afraid to call them on stuff. And really important, ask them social questions about your child. Like? Like, you know, how do they seem? What is their mood at school? Who are their friends? Do they seem happy? Do they talk to other children in class?

These are the things you want to ask your teacher because you want to see, have they even taken my child's personality in? Are they observing who my child is? Do they know my child at all? Yeah, it's easy for them to mark their copies and put things in, you know, in a report, you know. But do they actually know my child? Have they tuned into them? Have they taken the time? Have they taken the time?

In secondary school, this is really important because they've got like hundreds of children under their care. Have you noticed, is my child OK? Because guess what? That is your job, too. You are there to keep them safe when I'm not there to keep them safe. What about like, well, let's go with the primary first, primary school first, where there's teachers with this kid all day and the class sizes are a problem pretty much across the world. Classes are too big.

Yeah. Very hard for them to give the teachers their credit if they're tuned in. Shout out to all of them. Yeah, working really hard. Yeah, they are working really hard. Trying to know the personality of up to 30 kids in some cases. Well, I think 33 kids in my class. I think knowing that, yeah, knowing the personalities of 33 kids is easy. It's your job. You get to know them.

You do. And you fall in love with those kids and you love them. They're in your class. They're your family. But it's keeping them up academically is harder when you're the only teacher. Something that upsets you, though, that the parent in the meeting, the teacher says, oh, that upsets you. Like they go, at least, you know, he is a bit temperamental or, you know, at times I feel like he doesn't try. OK, well, I mean,

first of all, if a teacher is going to say that to you, that child is really doing that, because trust me, the teacher does not want to have that conversation with you either, and they'd have had to have gone and got permission of their principal to bring it up. So if the teacher comes to you with something hard for you to hear, they've actually had to talk about it a fair bit and bring it, you'd hope. Yeah, because they have to be able to back it up. And if they haven't, then they're in big trouble. Because if you complain about it, they're in trouble for not flagging it with their principal.

And what if they say something to you that isn't as explicit as he doesn't seem to try? He's way behind on X and he doesn't seem that fussed about school. They say something that's upsetting to you in the grounds of, you know, that it isn't even a comment on him or her as a kid, but it's upsetting to hear it because you know that you know you're a kid. Yeah, well, that's very hard in the moment because you're so emotionally attached to your child and you're so protective of them. Even if you know it's true, you're so protective of your child in that moment. But a good way for you to navigate your emotions in it is to ask them why they think that.

Like what has happened that makes you think that? Show me the work. Show me what he or she needs to be doing. How can I help them at home? And to be fair, this is the toughest bit for parents because the teacher can't do everything. And just like if your child was playing basketball or doing karate or Irish dancing, they'd be expected to practice at home. Now homework is something I really struggle with because I think primary school kids just shouldn't be getting it. But there are certain things that the parent has to be

doing every night with the kid at home if they want their kid to thrive. You need to be doing sounds. You need to be doing numbers. You need to be doing your tables. You need to be reading with your child every night. Those are just givens that like if there's no homework, that doesn't mean you're not practicing what you're getting. It's so hard to carve out that time.

But unfortunately, it's so important you do. Right. So what if you feel like your kid is having a tough time in there and you're going into this parent teacher meeting, whether it's the sense that there might be some intimidation, some bit of bullying or some kind of friendship thing that's not working out great. And, you know, people move kids for less. When you're going in there trying to suss out something, how do you do that without going, listen, you're not watching, but this kid's being horrible to my kid. Well, what you do is you take this as not the only meeting

you're going to have. You take the parent-teacher meeting as an opportunity to set up the next meeting you're having with this teacher and you say, I have a worry about my kid. I feel like this is going on. I'm sure you are aware of this. If you're not, I want you to observe my child and the situation for a week. And I'd like to pencil in a meeting with you for next week or the week after. You're supposed to be able to meet your teacher whenever you want, as long as you've arranged a meeting and then come

back to it then when the teacher has had time to actually think about it and observe. Because these teachers are humans as well and in those moments they're so frazzled thinking about all the parent teacher meetings they have that night. It might not be the best time to have that rye with them. Use know, use it as an opportunity to just figure out, OK, this is what I want you to do. I want you to see is this happening or is this just a worry I'm having? And then come back to me and let me know. Well, I mean, being quiet and allowing them to talk is a challenge. Don't fill the gaps for them.

You just have so much that you find you want to get off your chest at these things. Yeah. And actually letting other people talk is a superpower. Well, secondary school parent teacher meetings are really hard because you've got so little time. There's a queue behind you. I mean, you really feel like the teacher doesn't know your kid, you know, and you're the one who wants to ask stuff, because if you're dealing with teenagers, you don't know anything about

their life. So secondary, we'll come back to it later in the show. We'll talk about the secondary element of things. And I know that that's not where most of our listeners reside, but that is on the way for you. It might be some kind of consolation to hear what secondary school parents are dealing with at these meetings where you're rotating between tables, multiple personalities and teachers. But we've got three incredible questions that we need to get to in today's show, including somebody who feels very, very guilty about giving their kid a bottle

before bed. This is something that's very common. We need to talk about it. Why you probably shouldn't feel that guilty about that, right? And our second question is, of course, around the dreaded social media. When do you let your kid on social media if they're demanding it or begging for it? And the final one, it's my favorite. It's my kid spoiled. They've been diagnosed as spoiled at 18 years old.

The final kid in the house. Usually the one who's treated differently. I'm saying this as the youngest member of my family. It's bound to happen. It's all happening here on Honey, You're Ruining Your Kid. Stick around. Our first email comes from a very sound listener. Says Tina and Jarla, myself, my husband love the pot.

Four kids. The youngest is 18. All right. This is straight into the spoiled kid one. Right. Brilliant. OK. The youngest is 18. Here's the situation. My 18 year old son has pretty much been spoiled rotten and a therapist diagnosed him as spoiled, Believe it or not. No, who's the therapist?

The diagnosis is your kid is a spoiled brat. Well, I mean, how bratty was he for a therapist? Where are these people? I want to know what country they're in. I think they're in the UK. OK, great therapist, by the way. Not enough therapists saying your kid's a brat. Yeah. Anyway, here's my problem.

He's 18, still in school, has a job. One of the major reasons he keeps his job and stays in school is because us, his parents, wake him up. We explain over and over the importance of being up on time, waking yourself up with an alarm. He refuses to set an alarm or wake up from alarms. We set him. We have to physically be there to wake him every time for work and for school or he won't go or will be late. He is not in a position for me to to make him walk or wake on his or walk on his own, sorry, type of there and face the consequences of not waking up.

No, that's where that's where I would jump in. He's like, he's not the wording of this. You can't legally make him go to school. He's not in a position. The wording of this is... The school can't legally make him go to school. He is not in a position for me to make him walk or walk on his own to face the consequences. Oh right, of not waking him up. It's a tough one, right? He wouldn't graduate and he'd lose his job if I didn't wake him up.

We make sure he gets there. We take him to and from work and school and he refuses to walk. He will stay there and tell everyone that we didn't pick him up. So he'll wait at the school and be like, well, nobody's picked me up, so I'm not going to walk. He will flat out refuse to walk. What are you supposed to do? Kick him out?

Stop him waking up and let him drop out of school? When is enough? How do you fix this? We didn't have this kind of trouble with the other three. Did we spoil our baby beyond repair? Please help, teenager. Yes, you did. I'm sorry to say, yes, you did.

That's really awful. My heart goes out to these parents. There's always a repair team. There's always a way. Well, it's 18. He's 18. That's the problem, though, because the school can't do anything about it either.

They're dealing with an adult. So he has to willingly come to school. You know? So what's this video you saw during the week where the guy was saying that you don't step in? Oh yeah, I can't remember the name of that doctor. He's one of the doctors on the TikTok. On the TikTok. We read it in the New York Times. You know those psychologists now on the TikTok who make you feel bad about your parenting

all of the time. And you're like, oh crap, I'm doing something else wrong. His point was that when we step in as parents, you're stealing an opportunity for learning from your kid. The same thing was told to us by the year head of our son's school. And you know, sometimes you just need to hear it again. She said to us the first day of school, two years ago, if they forget something, don't bring it in.

Let them be responsible for themselves. And this guy made the point that are you doing it for them or your own self-esteem? Because when you do it for your own self-esteem, you're robbing them of their self-esteem. So if you were thinking, I'll do it because I'm a good parent. I don't even think that's the thought process you have. But unfortunately, what happens is you feel like you saved the day. But they learned no lessons.

Yeah. They learned nothing. Whereas if they forget their copybook, they have to live through the consequence of it and figure it out. Yeah. He said when in that video, he said when they come to you with a problem, your answer needs to be, what are you going to do? Yes. Or if they say, I'm so bored. Well, I can't wait to see what you're going to figure out. Yeah. What you come up with. Like it's very much in the same line of, you know, when a child is made, hug you or

hug somebody. It's like, well, who is made, hug you or hug somebody. It's like, well, who is this hug for? Is it for them or for you? So who is this for? Is it your self-esteem or theirs? Now, this is a very tricky situation, and these poor parents have dug themselves into a massive hole. I would say the school one is a nightmare.

They've got a year of that left. I don't know what they can do. I definitely think they need to get into that school and have a meeting with the school and explain to them what they're living through. There's a parenting podcast, but this question is about an adult. Yeah, like, I mean, it's really tricky because he's technically still under their, you know, they're still in charge of him, but they can't really enforce much because he can play the adult card. Like, I mean, the school can't enforce much.

Sorry. So my attitude would be straight away that they are presenting the possibility that he drops out of school and he loses his job. But they're catastrophizing there. Right. Well, the idea that he won't leave school unless he's collected. Yeah. But like they're but therein lies the problem. Yeah. Right.

They're more concerned about the consequences than he is. Absolutely. Absolutely agree. Because he sees the consequences as their responsibility. Yes. They're like, you won't like it. The school sees you didn't pick me up. Yeah. And that's what I mean. They've got to get into that school and explain the situation so that he can't have any weird dialogue in there that they believe.

They got to get in there and get clarity about what they're coping with at home. And then they need to stop waking him up. And if it's a possibility that he can walk to school, flip and walk to school. Why are you dropping him there? If it's hard and if he doesn't come home, he will eventually when he's left there and he's hungry. OK, I really think drop the rope. Really drop the rope. This an 18 year old man and obviously the job has perks. He gets paid for it. What's he buying with that money?

He doesn't turn up for work. Yeah, maybe that's an idea. Get an Uber app onto the phone that he pays for from his own account. If you refuse to walk, you can pay for the journey. Yeah, you're really not doing this kid any favors. You're really not. And it's so hard because we're all doing it. We are all in a habit of trying to make our lives, our children's lives easier.

And in fact, we're making it harder because they're not thinking for themselves. They're just expecting. The alarm, Gina, like, honest to God, if your kid won't get out of bed, that's very tricky. Whatever way they drop me home from school. I think I've hit on something there with the Uber that like, yeah, we won't pick you up. And if you are not into walking, well, you're choosing that. You're choosing to spend your money on that.

I feel like if they were able to sit down and have a family meeting with this grown man and explain to him, we have tried our best. We cannot continue this. We have our own lives, too. And you deserve your own lives. It is not your job to get your kid out of bed when he's 18. No, it's gone. That day is over. It is perfectly safe for him to be in the house by himself while you go about your business.

You have done your part. Have a family meeting and say to him, it's on you now. We love you. We're here from you. Of course you want to help you, but we're not facilitating your life. You're not a toddler who needs to be carried to the toilet. You're on your own. You know how to set the alarm. You know what's expected of you. Do it.

It's going to be hard for us because we've been in such a habit of protecting you and enabling you, but we got to, right. Just to play devil's advocate on their behalf here. So she says in her email, we've tried to explain to him the importance of all of this. Yeah, but he's not afraid that they're going to stop. But they're, you know why? Because he knows you're not going to let me flunk out of school.

Yeah, but they've got to be willing to let him do that. You think that the advice for these parents is you'd be ready for your kid to flunk out of school? That's why the meeting with the teachers is so important first, before they have this meeting with him. Because they need a support system in place. They need to let them know we're struggling to get him there every day. Isn't it a cautionary tale, though, this one? Because I'm looking at your books behind you,

there are L babies and the different things that Tina's got here. And raising conscientious kids is what we're after. Self-sufficient, conscientious human beings who know, like there's a bit in my standup show about people who are late having this abundance of confidence that everybody will adjust if I'm late. And if you aren't allowing them to face their consequences of their actions, they hit 18. Yeah. And here they are where they think, well, why won't people just adjust to my,

this is who I am. You know, I'm late for things. I know. But you know what? I really feel like some of it is because we, a lot of us were raised in a way that we didn't feel like we were supported enough and maybe things could have been different. And so with our own children, we want to just make sure they're happy all the time. Like we see this all the time. We've got friends who are really struggling with their kids because they had an unhappy

childhood and all they want is for their child to be happy all the time. But that is not reality. Nobody is happy all the time. And it's really important that your child knows that you're not going to feel contentment at all times. And like the people we see who are struggling the most are the people who are trying to fix it all that time. Their child doesn't have to do anything because you've already done it for them.

And it's really scary because this is not an isolated case. This is so common right now. Every school in the world is struggling with children turning up. Right now in our son's school, they're doing it. Every day counts. And the whole campaign, the campaign to argue that every day in school matters. Yeah. And what they've done is they've asked other children. It's the children who are saying to each other, check in on your friends,

make sure they get to school, tell them how much it means to you when you have them there to hang out with. I mean, this is where we are right now. And I really feel like it's our fault. Yeah, we are right now. And I really feel like it's our fault. Yeah, we are over parenting. And it's so tricky. You've really hit on a lot there in terms of the I just want them to be happy all the time.

Yeah, stop. That's not it. And like companies are describing this too. They, well, I want a promotion. And it's like, well, you don't get a promotion every week. Yeah. And you know what we've forgotten? We've forgotten that those moments from our childhood that were hard, something good came out of that. Of course not if it's awful, tragic stuff.

But I mean, like, you know, for me, I was very unwell as a teenager. Really unwell. I spent a lot of school, spent a lot of time in bed. And I used but something good came out of that because it made me tough. It made me really tough and it made me aware of being grateful for absolutely everything. Sometimes it's, look, it's hard to see your child struggle, but don't forget there's something else like you always say, diamonds, you know, pressure creates diamonds. The, you know, getting the school on board, like whoever is feeling...

They have no choice. They have to go to school. These people, whoever's listening to this feeling like there's echoes of this in my kid. Yeah, they're not 18 yet, but they won't get out of bed and getting them out the door as we know is a big problem. Getting the school on board with this is is crucial. And I guess you do need your school to be conscientious that way. Like I remember that in England, the school coming around to the house to help. The kids you do that primary school, but not easy, but easier. But second year school, a whole different ballgame.

Because like the consequences, like just the consequence of being late has to be clear and it just being on you that it has to be on you. Because this is a state of arrested development. Yes. This kid has not had to be on time. But he doesn't care about himself. There's so many problems here and they've already brought him to counselling. And I mean, for a professional to say that that's that's very unprofessional. Why have they on their hands?

Yeah, because for them to be like, oh, no, there's nothing wrong with your child. He's just spoiled. Well, fair play to you, Tina, for being as straight as you've been with them. But I'm sure they're very used to straight talking on this. Well, I do feel sorry for them. But stop worrying about him.

Start worrying about you guys. Focus on you guys for a while now. You've done everything you can do. That has not worked. OK, so now it's OK to let him say is to flunk out and lose his job. Does he even have the job? If he's not getting up for the job? Yeah, like he's that's not realistically, that's not having a job.

So people who go, oh, he could be a comedian No Mmm, if he could he would yeah Yeah, if they could do it they do it if he is capable of having a job Yeah, he'll keep his job If he is not capable of getting up, he doesn't have it in him to have a job. You're convincing him he does, but he doesn't. You know, he will get there. There's hope for all these kids.

There really is. There's hope. But he won't get there if you keep holding him right at bed. You know what my father would say? He'd be like, right kick in the hole. What the heck? I'm shaking the whole time. Real quick, did you ever have a bad parent-teacher meeting where they reported something back to your mother that she was like, well, you have to pull up your socks? No.

No, I did not. That's just not your experience. No, I don't even remember my parents coming to any parent-teacher meeting. Didn't show up. I don't know if they parents going to any of my parent teacher meetings. Didn't show up. I don't know if they did. I think in primary school, but I never remember having any in secondary school. Never. Never.

No, I don't remember that. God, well, my mother was a language teacher. My mother taught German and French and all sorts. And she was in like Flynn every single time. No question, she'd be there and you'd get the report back on what was said. But I already knew what was going to be said. Yeah, you were a diva. Like I was just trying to be the best girl all the time.

It's so funny because the way I do my job now, no stone is left unturned. Literally, I'm so rigorous with what I do as a job now. There is no way those teachers would have said he's going to be a really diligent, creative entertainer. I disagree because I read your reports and every time they were like, this guy has so much potential if he just try. I mean, the fact that you showed those to our son, I was like, no, do not show those reports. I thought it was important.

It didn't affect his work. It made him go, why wasn't my dad working? Well, you just didn't believe in yourself, sweetheart. I just found it really boring. It was the main thing. It's just like so boring. I remember saying to my parents, they're just going to give you more work. Oh my God.

I was like, what's the point in doing it? Like, it's going to be more homework after this. Oh, my God. And were your parents not appalled by your attitude? I was like, I'll be fine by the exams. But I was just like, I guess they also they just didn't think that I was going to. They didn't think you were smart. My kids wicked smart.

I really regret not getting that T-shirt in Boston. When we go back, nobody is stopping me. I am buying that T-shirt. May as well do the shout out to the tour. Now, last week we were in the Olympia for five shows over four nights. It's flipping amazing. Absolutely bollocksed. You've no idea how tired that makes you.

It's not Taron Rooves. It's not being a nurse. It's not being a school teacher. But I mean, I was rinsed last week. I just absolutely felt like a bus hit me. I didn't notice you being moody or anything. No, no, no, it's all good. It's all good. Oh, my God.

I'm tired. But thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you to everyone who came out. Yeah. And everyone came out to the University Concert Hall in Limerick. Oh, yeah. We need to shout out to Mom of Twisp. Yeah. It's what she calls herself on Twitter.

Really lovely lady. Big fan of the podcast. Big fan of you. She was nearly there to see you, not me. She was so nice. And I am not the greatest person to meet at the gigs, because if you pay me a compliment, I completely withdraw into myself. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm too embarrassed to talk.

So apologies for that. It was awkward. Yeah, apologies for that. It's been amazing. And next week I'm off to Armagh. That is my favourite venue. Armagh. I love it. I love Armagh town.

I just think it's just gorgeous. Actually, I love Northern Ireland. This tour has made us be able to go up and explore Northern Ireland. And I bloody love it. Although, do you know what? We went to Northern Ireland for my birthday. We stayed in a beautiful hotel, loved it. And because we'd been so busy on tour this week, we had to go to a funeral

during the week, too, and Jarlot was looking for his good jacket. And we're like, where the hell is that jacket? And I knew the last time he'd worn that was on my birthday. So two weeks ago, we'd been in this hotel and then we ring them and they're like, where the hell is that jacket? And I knew the last time he'd worn that was on my birthday. So two weeks ago we'd been in this hotel and then we ring them and they're like, we rang a lot of people, to be fair, and a lot of people took it very seriously. This hotel not so much. Anyway, we ring them and they were like, oh, yeah, yeah, no, we have that. It's in lost property. And we're like, yeah, why didn't you get in touch?

I still don't understand that. They were trying to keep it. It turns out they didn't just have Jarla's jacket. They had like fours of shirts, some shorts. A lot of stuff was up there. We had to get in the car, drive up there. Drive up to down. Could they care less?

No. They couldn't have given less of a shit. Well, we got to go for coffee and have a nice walk. Yeah, we did do that. And then we came back. But yeah, the funny thing about it was normally when we're leaving a hotel, I sweep the room because my boys are just on another plan. But on this occasion,

Jarrod was like, no, it's your birthday. You're not doing that. I'll do all that. Or not do. That's the case. You're not doing it. No one's doing it. So the one time I don't sweep the room, he forgets. On my jacket. Yeah. A leather jacket that cost a lot of money. Yeah. I don't have a leather jacket that costs that much money. Just you tried to buy you the leather jacket.

I couldn't wear it. I'd be so. It's not quite the leather jacket that I want. That's what I always get. Anyway, the tour moves on to Cork on February 7th and 8th. And we've just released the venue holes and reserves for those. So there's going to be a couple of tickets left for February 7th and 8th and we've just released the venue holes and reserves for those So there's going to be a couple of tickets left for February 7th and 8th in the Everyman Theatre in Cork Everything Bray, London, Roscommon, Kilkenny, Navon, Ennis all sold out all the way to April Thank you so much for buying tickets few tickets left for Westport And then it's off to Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, LA, New

York, Boston, Washington and Toronto. And you can find tickets for all of those at jigsr.com forward slash gigs. Let's get to our second question of the day. And this really is a goodie for anybody who feels guilt around what they're doing with their kid. Tina and Jarrod, I love your podcast. My friend told me about it and I'm hooked. I know Tina's struggling to keep up with the emails. That's true. It might take a while for you guys to get back to me. Well here we are. Could I have some advice please? I know I'm a terrible mother for letting this go on so long but my little girl is three in April and still has a bottle of

milk before bed then if she wakes up through the night she will cry and cry and cry till I give in and give her another bottle of milk I've tried loads of different sippy cups and she won't physically drink from them do I just go cold turkey do I cut out the milk completely? I'm worried about her teeth. I'm really, I'm and if I'm really honest, other moms judging me. Yeah, of course. The male gaze, the mom gaze. Oh, the mom gaze. Yeah. Yeah, no. Look, first of all,

if your child is happy with that bottle of milk, I know there are three and they're a big guy because it's always funny when you're an early years teacher because when you hear parents tell you what these kids that you treat as grownups in your class are getting up to at home, you're like, I'm sorry, what? They're still in the cot. I just made them clean out the press. They're little individuals, little work force.

Yeah, what do you mean? He just, like, we just did all this stuff and he's going. He's doing the accounts for his book. Yeah. The guy's a bookkeeper. It's so true. He's getting a bottle. But like, I mean, I know I probably get in trouble for this from every dentist in

town, but if your child goes to bed happy with a bottle. But the kid isn't going to bed happy with the bottle. Yeah. And that's that's my second thing. Give me a chance, Charlotte. Oh, just let me talk? Look, this is an easy fix as far as I'm concerned. Your child is hungry.

They're not waking up looking for the bottle. They're waking up hungry. And look, my mom gave me a really great piece of advice when Mikey was small. Supper. We still do it to this day. Your kid needs a bit more food before they go to bed. And this is a great way of phasing out the bottle. Right. Because you know the semolina and a glass of water or some toast and a glass of milk all is a lot more exciting than a bottle for sure. Yeah. And we'll keep them full till morning.

And they're waking up hungry. You can say it's a big kid thing. Yeah. Or, you know, I've noticed that, yeah, actually, it's a big kid thing. What's the harm? But you don't have to say anything at all. You can just be like, make it really- Only big kids get supper.

Well, I don't know. Then you're making it a thing. Fuck these other kids. Or you could be like, just make it a special thing. Make it cozy. Let's watch a cartoon and have our supper. to fuck these other kids. Or you could be like, just make it a special thing, make it cozy. Let's watch a cartoon and have our supper. And then, you know, your child's waking up because they're hungry, because they're growing so much.

They're growing, growing, growing. And I always say this to people whose kids won't sleep through the night. And they're like two or three. I'm like, you know, when was the last time they ate before you put them to bed? Because you're expecting them to get through the night on a not a full tummy. And that's just not going to happen. So I would always suggest maybe 40 minutes before you start storytime or bath time or whatever your bedtime routine is, get Samalina or, you know, Liga or

a slice of toast, something they like that will just make them feel cozy and lovely going to bed like some people do milk and cookies, whatever, it's up to you. You could do crackers. A lot of us have a biscuit and a cup of tea before bed. And we don't do it for our children. We have kept this going. It works for us. It works. It has always worked. And anyone I've told them it's worked.

It's worked. I mean, if she likes the comfort of the bottle, that's not going to last forever. Soon she won't want it because she'll feel silly about it. But also the parents question though is around the sippy cup and not wanting the sippy cup. What do you advise there? Well, that is tricky. We had that too. Like we just had that too. What it is, is just try and keep the bottle for the nighttime feed.

Don't bother with the sippy cup. Give them an actual plastic cup. You know, some kids just don't like that. I wonder if she tried a straw and a glass. Straw and a glass. Great idea, Charlotte. And a straw. And actually, there's so much anti-straw stuff, but those straws help with your speech, so that is a really good exercise for your kid.

The sucking of the straw is super good. It's really so proud of himself. There's a question. Number three is a doozy. You're going to need to come over to Patreon.com forward slash Irishman abroad to hear it. It's all about social media. Your kid demanding social media. It's really they've reached that age.

They've decided they want to be out there in the big bad world and Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg are gonna run their lives from now on. I hate social media. Well, I don't. It's been good to us, but I hate it for kids. I don't at all.

I really do for children. I want to talk about this more because I heard some really annoying comments about social media being vulgar. I have so much to talk about here because really the amount of loneliness in the world, the connection that it's providing for people, everything has a downside,

but we need to get into this. It's in the third question today on Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid over on patreon.com forward slash Irish Matter Broad. It's a five-month, you'll get the extended cuts each week, but you'll also get access to our full-back catalog of extended episodes and interviews with the greatest Irish people ever to have lived.

That's the place where the archive of Irishmanabroad is going to live from now on, and you can access it for the price of your membership. Cancel anytime you like, no obligation. You won't be tied in for any length of time. It's not a ring doorbell. Off you go. One month of it. That's fine by us. We will see you over there, Tina. Thank you so much. Thank you, Jarrod.