Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - My Kid Called My Bluff! My Kids Won't Stop Fighting! My Kid Interrupts Everyone! S2EP29

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

What a weekend we’ve had at Regans. Tour show madness and A&E panic. Like so many parents we juggled a million different things this weekend and somehow managed to survive it. Thank you for tuning into another episode of Honey You’re Ruining Our kid. On this weeks episode we talk about keeping promises, invasiveness and aggression. Question 1- What do you do when you can’t leave your two kids together without them beating into each other. How can you teach your kids to get along? Is that even possible? Can we retrain the behaviour and get calm back into a frazzled house?Question 2- We all worry about our children talking but what can you do when they won’t stop! When they don’t understand that they shouldn’t get involved in every conversation. How do you guide them through knowing when is okay and when it’s absolutely not okay to get involved in someone else’s chitty chitty chat chat. Question 3-Breaking promises. If you make a deal with your kid and they not only live up to it but surpass their side of the bargain what do you do if you can’t actually fulfil your side. Apart from panicking is there any way out of this. Thank you for subscribing, sharing and listening to our pod. You guys keep this show alive and we are so grateful. Only 7 more episode left till we break up for the summer holidays so please get your emails in [e-mail]. Visit www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad and in a few clicks you can hear the extended episode, the archive of Irishman Abroad interviews and what really upset Jar this week.

Good afternoon to you and welcome to Honey, You're Raining Arcade, the parenting podcast from the Irishmanabroad podcast network. Tina, how are you doing? I'm doing okay, Dara. I'm doing okay. Are you exhausted? Yeah, I think you could call it that. We've had a mad few days, unfortunately. That's the connecting thread between all parents. Yeah. It doesn't matter if your kids

are big or small, you're going to be tired. Yeah, and when they get sick, you're back to them being babies again, aren't you? Yeah, we had a proper weekend of it. I was touring through Manchester, Sheffield and Glasgow. Tina came out to join me on the Sunday in Glasgow, assuming

that Mikey was over whatever dose he had. Yeah, very strange symptoms this week. So I didn't go with you because I was like, I got to keep an eye on him. And he seemed, I actually joined you on Saturday. He seemed better. So I was like, OK. And then I was like, if he gets worse, just ring me and I'll get the late night flight home, which now I wish I'd done.

But he seemed fine. We got home yesterday. He seemed fine. And he just went downhill so fast. Is there anything more terrifying than when that happens i'm sure parents listen to this know exactly what it feels like when you're they were fine a minute ago and now this absolutely and then we ended up in um a and e with him because we brought him to the vhi clinic and they were like it's appendicitis and i was like oh god aren't my poor baby is appendicitis? Thank God it wasn't.

No. Yeah, it's rumbling appendicitis. So, yeah. Really? Yeah. I wasn't listening. I was on my phone. I was playing Angry Birds for an hour.

Rumbling appendicitis can go on for ages. It just means it's not ready. They're not happy to take it out yet. Right, right. Jizz, I only found that out now. But you do see mad shit. We always say this. Everywhere you go, you see mad shit.

I want people to email in the mad shit they've seen. Well, we saw some mad cute shit. Mad cute. Yeah, but some mad heartbreaking stuff. Just straight up mad. But I also felt really judged yesterday at the hospital. I know doctors don't mean to. But she asked Mikey a question about, and did you have this pain yesterday? And I was like, no, no, no, he didn't.

It just happened today. And then he said, no, mummy, I did. I had it during the day and at nighttime. And then I had to say, I was actually away yesterday. I was actually out on the pit yesterday. I couldn't say. I was working at my husband's show the doctor looked at me like

unbelievable what kind of a mother are you look at the state of your child right now I was just like oh god I feel terrible by the looks of things I would say they see an awful lot worse

than they knew to be honest there was some mad stuff going down in the waiting room yeah very entertaining an awful lot of sports injuries. Oh my God.

With footballers. It would make you never let your child do GA. Yeah. There were so many kids on stretchers. Yeah. With their heads in neck braces and stuff. I was like, oh my goodness. And then there was a little tiny kid who was full of sass.

Oh my God. And he was calling his mother. Mother Freckle. Yeah. He kept pretending he was going to call her Mother Folker. And he was calling his mother. Mother Freckle? Yeah, he kept pretending he was going to call her Mother Folker. And he'd go, yeah, Mother Freckle. And I was like, oh my God, he's such a pulp. You missed it when you guys went in.

Because there's obviously one parent only in the examination. Yeah. It just got a hand. Really? He just went up to the ceiling and no one was kind of calming him down and being a grown-up i know well his mom yeah i'm not making any judgments on his mom because i don't know what she's dealing with no but he got so amped up by the scenario and everybody in the in the um waiting room thought he was great yeah he's a celebrity he was a celeb that's for sure he was

cute he was actually helping all the other children. His mom was just very young and she was amazing with him. Like she adored him, but she was amping him up too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just thought it was all him. Yeah.

I just thought that's who he was. I wondered if that's why he's in here. He's just too hyper. I love it. Those nurses in Temple Street are amazing. They were so kind to us. Yeah, shout out to all the people who don't have time to listen to podcasts.

And also the people in VHR Clinic yesterday. They couldn't have been nicer to us. They were like, does he have a temperature? I was like, no. And then they checked his temperature and they were like, that's really high.

Quick, get him into the room. I was like, I'm the worst mom ever. But I had checked his temperature and it was fine. But this will be heartening for people to hear. We'll do a podcast where you dole out advice. Yesterday you felt like a shite mom.

Oh my God, the worst mother ever. I mean, that's part of being a good mom, is accepting that you've made a mistake or you've missed something and moving on. But I was really doing that thing you do all the time where I beat myself up last night. I was like, I shouldn't have gone to Glasgow. I was like, but you checked him. He was fine. He seemed good. I shouldn't have gone.

I'm such a bad mother. The best thing you did yesterday was you followed your gut. Yeah. And you went, get in the car. We're going. Yeah. I thought we got to get this guy to a doctor. You were just like, we got to go.

And poor Gerald was so tired. Too many times, as people have heard across the podcast over the years, you didn't follow it and always lived to regret it. And certainly we've had times early in his life when, you know, people were telling you otherwise and you were like, my gut's telling me something else. So if the show starts with anything, follow your gut. Also, that was a weird moment for us yesterday because we obviously had,

one of the times we were at A&E together there was when Mikey was brought in with anything. Yeah. Follow your gut. Also, that was a weird moment for us yesterday because we obviously had the little, one of the times we were at A&E together there was when Mikey was brought in to be resuscitated. And, uh. It all comes flooding back.

Oh my God, it all came flooding back. But you know what? It was really, um, was that word cathartic? Cathartic? Cathartic for me

because I, it didn't cry. It didn't scare me anymore. And even though he wasn't feeling well yesterday, was like my boy is so strong like that's not the same baby he's a beast he like he is so strong yeah half the problem here i believe is that he's grown too fast yeah i think he's going to his immune system is a bit low as a result we have got some great questions for you this week uh what we've got Maybe I am a bit traumatized. I'm like, I'm totally cool about everything that just happened in the last

48 hours. Maybe I am a bit traumatized. You've got a great question here that relates to kids trying to be too involved in what the discussions are in the home. Like, just like overstepping the mark. How do you get your kid to observe? That's a grown up conversation. Hold it down over there. Well, it's getting harder and harder, isn't it? It is. And then children fighting.

I said this last week, kids knocking the shite out of each other. How do you stop that? Stay tuned to hear the rest of this. We've also got a big chunk of extra stuff over on Patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. Every single week, there's a big load of stuff over there and youcom forward slash irishmanabroad every single week there's a big load of stuff over there and you can get access to all our old episodes but let's get to it maybe panic is the uh through line between our episode today uh because that panic panic of oh shit there's something wrong we gotta get get him to the hospital yeah there's nothing quite like it it was in glasgow doing the show uh your man the tour show

that i'm doing the stand-up show that i bring in all over the world now and i was reminded of a time i was there when a woman rocked back in her chair laughing and i mean i had we have had somebody fall out of their chair yeah that happened in wexford yeah burst herself backwards off the chair which is just such like next to pissing themselves that's as good as it gets a great out of their chair yeah that happened in wexford yeah it burst herself backwards off the chair which is just such like next to pissing themselves that's as good as it gets it's a great compliment for you it's awful for them much for them hope your back's okay but that is a five-star review so many moons ago at glasgow stand the comedy club that i love so much in glasgow a woman rocked back and she had a big head of hair on her

and dipped it into a candle behind her. Jesus Christ. Her whole head of hair went up in flames. It goes so fast. And I don't know if people remember the terrorist attack at Glasgow airport where a guy, guy was dancing and just bust a guy a punch in the head and saved the airport.

I think that guy was at the gig because he this person dove across three rows and just started slapping this woman's head to put out the fire wow to be that kind of person who reacts unbelievable amazing i was like you're a hero this guy's a hero and uh i was like that's amazing response like her hair was on fire who knows what could happen he goes why her hair was on fire that's brilliant no i honestly it happened that happened yeah and what's even weirder is i was expected to continue with the set oh my god we didn't go and that's our show for tonight. And did she continue to just sit? She continued sitting there. That's Glasgow.

Wow. That's why I love it. Because you know, when I used to work in a behaviour unit like 20 years ago, one of our clients, we were doing her birthday and she had a habit of tilting her hair forward. And she did the same thing. She tilted her hair forward, her hair went up in flames so fast. And you can guess how well i reacted to that

i don't respond well in a panic situation i ran around the house shouting her hair is on fire which is helpful somebody has to raise the alarm luckily there were two other behavioral specialists with me who got the hair to not be on fire anymore if nobody raises the alarm how would anybody know Tina when Mikey fell out of his high chair oh god don't even say that and said he's after falling out of his high chair and he was face down on the ground I couldn't even look at him I was like well should we pick him up I was like when your mother was choking in the kitchen okay you're really going down in the kitchen going's joking. I was glad you had your first day training. I have done first day training so many times.

And in the last school I was in, I was the first responder. I was like, this is such a bad idea. The worst responder. So maybe we should start with the beating the heads off question, because this is definitely one that could lead to actual physical harm. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, there was a load of siblings in yesterday and the reason they were there they'd heard they'd gone too far hurt

each other morning charlotte and tina how are other parents coping with their children fighting i'm going to go insane if i have to break up one more fight or listen to each side explain themselves for context they are eight and ten boys of course they are pretty opposite when it comes to a lot of things but if they are ever playing together it always descends into a full-on fight or extreme name calling you poo. Poo in a shoe? Not quite. I mean, eight and ten? They've got the vocab. Yeah, they've got the vocab. I really don't know what to do. Independent of each other, they're great kids.

Together, they're chalk and cheese. That is so tricky. I am dying to hear what you say to this, because I think this is such a common problem yeah i don't know anybody that got on like a house on fire with their siblings as kids and we know what happens if you don't get on top of that now it doesn't go away unless you're lucky they grow up and they're still chalk and cheese and they're still not getting on it doesn't write itself you actually have to put the work in here and it's really really hard because they're 10 and 8 and they've already decided and maybe been told a few times that

they're very different you know all that goes in to cement their idea that we're not alike we don't get on we've nothing in common everyone's forever telling us we're different and uh our language like we all do it as parents we say way too much in front of our kids and it goes in and they take on that role you know um such as what do you mean you know they take on the role of i don't get on with my brother you know you two don't get you two don't get on you two never you can't leave you two together it all goes in and makes them think, well, you can't. Like, that's the expectation, isn't it? Yeah.

God, that's like you've raised it before we get to it. You've raised a big one there. Because you as a parent are probably talking about people you don't get on with. Oh, yeah. I mean, we, that is just an unfortunate mistake we all make. And it's a very hard one to correct. Because because you just you know, you're in your house. You're a bit looser, you know, chatting away. And your kids, they hear a lot. They hear everything.

But haven't we reached a new phase in culture and society where people are much more inclined to go? We're never going to be friends we're not going to see eye to eye i'm just going to stay in my bunker and you stay in yours yeah i think it's quite frightening that is being kind of um polarization yeah and it's kind of celebrity led i think a bit you see it a lot in like if you ever i don't know it's hard to avoid celebrity news but like people who aren't talking to each other ever again oh yeah so that's a lot in like, if you ever, I don't know, it's hard to avoid celebrity news, but like people who aren't talking to each other ever again. Oh yeah, that's a big one. Yeah, it's like, you know.

The dueling characters. And also, we've talked about this before, people who go and get help, which is amazing, and then don't really understand what their therapist means when they say you need to draw up boundaries. Yeah, and protect yourself. And go way too far and just cut people out of their life yeah which is not what they mean you to do i mean obviously if that's all you can do to help yourself yeah but they don't mean you to start with that you know they just mean you to like get better at protecting yourself and knowing what your limits my aunt stephanie reagan yeah she's a great podcast um and this is an issue that comes up a lot there and what i love about her advice on it is avoid the last thing you want is for there to be no communication at all yes which she's all about trying to maintain

a respectful relationship where you can still talk and that you don't lose contact yeah because you can't realistically especially in bloody ireland you can't cut ties realistically so yeah so it's really tricky that way. But I know what this mum has to do. And this will work if she's willing to put in the work. I'm really worried for you because there's something stuck in Charlotte's teeth and it's really annoying him. It's one of those things where it looks like I've got my tongue in my cheek

and it looks like I'm really angry with Tina while I'm... The whole time. Fiddling around. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Is that what you you think yeah um you know what this mom yeah it's very off-putting because i'm like maybe i don't know maybe but you know eight and ten fantastic ages you can absolutely talk to these children and reason with them and you can also get them to share so i come back to the thing i always say which you know we all forget to do enough especially us get the monthly family meetings started in your house the first one has to be fun the next few

can be very serious you gotta lull them in first make them think this is a great family activity get together the next one's a tribunal yeah exactly the first one's all like you know i'm gonna listen to everything you say the next one you're a little bit stricter about cut the crap yeah and then you can throw one in which is where are we going to go on a holiday exactly don't make them all about behaviors exactly that's a really good point here and you just sit delighted with myself go ahead you sit them down and make it very cozy have the snacks that they love give them an opportunity to talk and tell them how the behavior is affecting the house how much it's worrying you and what do they think they could do or changes could be made within the

house that would help them to get on better what are they finding the hardest where does the hurt come from like what is it that is upsetting and annoying you and just leave it free space like things are going to get said and you can't correct them in this moment because you need them to just let it out and also you're going to have to tell them at the end that okay I'm glad you shared all this stuff obviously this is not okay. You can't be battering the heads of each other. And there's going to be... Or just arguing.

Yeah, or just arguing. And we've talked about it now. So now I can fully see you comprehend what you're doing. You understand your actions. And going forward, there are going to be consequences for them. You guys are going to have to figure out a way of getting on during your games. Because otherwise, I will come in with a warning and I will let you know, okay, this is starting to get out of control.

I can see that there's an argument on the horizon. If you guys get into an argument, this is the consequence and you line it out. And it doesn't have to be anything very very negative because this isn't actually bad behavior it's just that they they're clashing but just something that's enough for them to be like oh let's just avoid that argument you know okay right all brilliant stuff well in with the warning yeah yeah always fairness to them what's coming should you not be able to get on in this way uh family meeting uh that starts out with a get together yeah and the next one is more of a court

case um i want to throw this in here because rarely is are both parties as guilty as each other that is true and right also it's hard for them because when they get to that those vibes rationality is out the window that's why the warning can just click them out of it but yeah you're right like the parents have a job to do here too and it's really hard if you've got more than one or two kids you have got to be impartial right and you've got to step back and just allow yourself to be an observer you have whether you like it or not things you like about your children that you don't like in the other kids you know things one kid does really annoys you whereas the other kid could do it all day and it wouldn't even get under your skin. So you have to try and be impartial.

You have to watch and see, well, who is the prodder? Who is doing this? And then you can't walk away going, oh, I haven't figured it out because that could have just been that day. You just have to take moments. I said this before. Take moments in your day where you stand back and you just look and watch and observe your children.

You will learn so much about them in those moments. Who's the prodder? Who's who's the prod? He's the prodder and he's the proddy. Like I was the I was a niggle merchant. Yeah, a little devil. Well, I loved getting a rise.

I definitely knew how to wind people up. This is very confessional of me and if my sisters ever listen to this they'll go oh yeah he was. One of their stories of me as a kid was that my dad would come home from the races and go give me a rub on the head and go he's a great little lad isn't he and they'd be looking at me with their arms folded going he's a little their arms folded you have no idea what babysitting him was like and that like you said you've really hit on something big there there's probably a whole another episode it's bias yeah you are You've got to recognise your bias.

Yeah, you're usually more biased to the younger kid. And also you might have accidentally put them in a box that they don't belong in because your kid is forever changing, forever changing, and you can't ever decide, you know, your child because you don't you know them that they tomorrow, know they're allowed to be someone else and like you can you hear parents do it all the time like say oh he's the hyper one you know don't don't label them it's really tricky because they find it very hard to escape those labels i love to hear from other parents if they've come through this uh have they got out the other side because in the end it's not gonna be

and then we were happy families no what you've provided here is a method to go and then some semblance of detente yeah well what you're hoping for here is that with the family meetings and the exercising and talking and sharing their feelings, what will actually happen is the fisty cuffs, how do you say it? Yep. Won't happen. They'll actually talk to each other. They'll say, you're starting to annoy me. Please stop.

If you don't stop, I'm going to leave the game. Sometimes we have to remind our children, like, you can walk away. Yeah. They don't know a lot of stuff. And you know what? It's also about their future. Yeah. And what abuse they'll accept. Yeah. They don't know a lot of stuff. And you know what? It's also about their future and what abuse they'll accept. Yeah, you can get up and walk away. I do not consent to being part of a game where I'm treated like this.

Yeah. And also always coming in with the warning, always coming in with the warning teaches your children to know how to do that in other situations to say, OK, I don't like what's happening here if this keeps going I'm out Before we go to our next question about kids getting

too involved in conversations that aren't about them is there anything to be said for getting a punch bag in the house? A punch bag in the house?

I had a punch bag as a kid Something to vent the frustration Depends on the child but yeah I don't think there's any harm I had a punch bag as a kid definitely Something to vent the frustration. Depends on the child. But yeah, I don't think there's any harm. I had a punch bag as a kid.

Definitely used it a lot. And did you have gloves? Yeah. You know that. Did it help? Yeah. You know that. You know that my dad had us boxing and in karate from a very young age.

Yeah, I did know that. So I was asking it to see. Would you tell people about it? I'm sorry. You know the way? Because other people don't know. I've been up since five. But I was trying to think there.

Did that help me, though? Because I was very aggressive. You were all amped up after it. For a lot of my younger years as a girl. So when I went to Mosney Holiday Centre, right, there was a beautiful girl in the pool when I was 11 years old. And my friend and I were doing my classic winding people up, splashing and dunking each other. Because she was one of those girls, young teenage girls, who was like, everybody like everybody be careful you can get hurt in the

pool and like i mean she was so beautiful that we were like uh we need to get her attention in any way shape or form it seems she is a health and safety freak let's go over and do real dangerous stuff oh my god until she grabs us and shakes us and looks us in the eyes a total example of kids needing attention yeah and um sure enough mackle dunks me under the water uh shout out to john mackle uh he's now a lawyer in belfast he dunks me under the water and i can remember her bikini clad body like what the fuck is she doing wearing a bikini and mosney was this a dream grabbing me from under the water going are you okay and i'm like i think i am and uh first like my memory of this girl is that she looked very like you. Really? That's very nice of you. That was

my memory of her and I remember when we first started dating and going you weren't Ed Masney. Because Tina describes herself as a kid being super aggressive with any boy that would attempt to get the shift.

Yeah, yeah. A swift punch to the nuts and go, don't mess with me. Yes. And that's now her policy with children. I have no idea why I was so opposed to boys. To having the shift. Well, I was just, I don't know what it was. I think I was worried I'd let my family down or some shame would be upon me. Shame have a shift. Well, I was just, I don't know what it was. I think I was worried I'd let my family

down or some shame would be upon me. Shame, of course. Good old shame. Yeah, but yeah, anyone ever asked me out, they got a box in the stomach. And you did want to kiss boys. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I did want to kiss the boys. But you're the punch bag in the back

garden. You know, my move was to knee them in the groin. And I was aware that when you do that, the head goes forward. So it always to have my elbow ready to get. Isn't that awful? Lovely stuff. Coming straight out of you giving advice to people not to have their kids fight. You were the worst.

It was terrible. Hi, Tina and Charlotte. I have an 11 year old boy who involves himself in everyone's conversations. It used to be mine and his sisters but now it's everyone who is around him so he's a busy body he's like I'll tell you what do you know it sounds very cute I'd say it stops being cute pretty quick uh but now it's everyone around him if he has anything to do do, if it has anything to do with him or not, myself and my partner try to explain to him daily not to do this,

but it's not working. Other close friends, adults, have also tried. So they did the whole. Yeah, because I was actually thinking, you know, another grown-up will go. Stop this. What age is he? Eleven. Oh, wow wow he's proper old yeah so it's not he's probably been doing it for ages and now it's not cute yeah that happens to

so many kids tiny moment how many times do you see a kid doing something wherever it's so cute i know and then you've often said to me they're like when's when's the turn? When's the shoe going to drop? I know. And I bet it's so annoying for you to be around me because I'm like, oh, yeah, they're not going to find that cute in two years. And then the poor child is so confused because they're like, you used to love this. Yeah. You have totally yes anded behavior. And now you're like, I don't like that behavior anymore.

It's usually when a new kid arrives. Or when they just lose their kitty pudgy cheeks. Yeah. It's tough because they can't. that behavior anymore. It's usually when a new kid arrives, right? Or when they just lose their kiddie pudgy cheeks. Yeah, it's tough. Because they feel betrayed. And they feel at a loss. They're like, why is it not okay now? So they probably did think, I wonder, is this true of this mother? That they were like, the guest is like, he's got an opinion on what we should do with the car.

Yeah, like, I mean, you would find it cute when they're small because you're so proud of them talking. And also, what the fuck do they know? Yeah, we are guessing, though. But Eleven is a bit old to be doing that. He should know better. He should know better. But, like, what is it, a boundary issue? Is that it?

Or is he, like, is he just a talkative lad? Yeah. I guess they just need to talk to him about what's private you know i wouldn't discourage him from talking to people and asking questions but i would just say you know if you're going to keep doing this there's certain things you can't comment yeah but i know what this looks like like this looks like so anyway i was saying to your your one you know what you should say? Yeah. Okay, thank you.

To outsiders, it must be brilliant. Yeah. I told him to. It must be a bit bad if even her friends are going out. Could you stop asking me things well like here's the other question is what conversations are you having in front of them that you don't want them involved in like i with one child this is a problem yeah you're terrible i am the worst i have to be like charlotte i have to actually say your name with my teacher voice

because I'm like, dude. Because actually having a discussion in front of them when it's only one child makes them part of it. And they feel immense power. Immense power

and they feel like an equal stakeholder. Because you imagine times for you to go, we will decide. Thank you. And I'm looking at you like you involved him how did you start this conversation i'm sorry for laughing so much but it is it is true that maybe look at well what conversations are you having in front yes absolutely but i really think just talking to him about how you know you don't want to say it's a bad thing it's not a bad thing he's super social child like

a lot of people are struggling to get their kids to talk to people i would just go through him with him you know there's certain things we just can't talk about there's private things and people might not be comfortable and not everyone is like you you know you have this special skill that when you grow up might come in useful for you know sales or being a lawyer being a teacher but right now there's other kids who don't like sharing and there's other adults who don't like sharing so we have to be careful not to impose ourselves well is it imposed himself or is it an inflated sense of himself i don't know like we are high opinion of his own opinion maybe he's just super empathetic well i guess we don't know what

he's saying right yeah we just know it's annoying the mom but like definitely i think we've all seen kids who think that everybody should be listening to them all the time yeah we have and um but i do think we take for granted that sometimes you just have to explain to your child why what they're doing isn't appropriate. And how can we do? We don't want you to stop being inquisitive, but we'd like you to be a bit more mindful and reflective. Yeah, well, I think you did that a while ago where you were like, OK, if you want to come to me with something, we have that chat afterwards. Yeah. And kind of make that special.

Also, it's a two-way street here because you also have to get into the habit of, if you need to talk to him about something, bring him to another room. Introduce the idea of privacy. We need to go somewhere private because we need to talk. So that he feels respected with his voice as well. You know, things like that.

What are you laughing at? I think it's such a funny email. I love it. I don't know if we were very helpful there, but I do think it's just educating him. Like 90% of your advice is born out of the simplest stuff that works. Yeah. And sometimes it's hard when you're in this maelstrom of parenting to go, actually, yeah, maybe I just need to remind him of,

you know, you and I can have our chat together, but I'm now speaking to someone else. And I'd be interested to know what he's like at school, because a lot of the time when kids are this vocal at home, they're not vocal at school. Yeah, like I was i was gonna say do you think he doesn't feel listened to and that's why he keeps i would think that perhaps there's a chance at school he is quiet as a mouse afraid and he's saving it all up and then the parent tells you well he never shuts up yes absolutely and it's just not feeling comfortable in other environments to get

the teacher involved i just go and ask the teacher and say you know how do you find him in class is he disruptive like do you think it's happening in class i don't that everybody is you see you saying he could be quiet as a mouse i'm saying is it possible that in school everybody's allowed pipe up and the teacher's like come on everybody get involved that can also be a thing absolutely yeah yeah and now he's at home he's like well come on, everybody get involved. Oh, that can also be a thing. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And now he's at home.

He's like, well, we do this in school all the time. Yeah. And then that's a chance for the mom to say again what I said, that everyone's so different. And if your teacher's allowing that kind of conversation in the class, fair enough. But we can't be doing that at home. Children have to get used to generalizing different places, different situations. Yeah. Yeah situations yeah yeah yeah compartmentalizing the rules for different places yeah that's really important for kids you know i'm really worried about you too i still i'm still struggling to do that right now you're gonna absolutely love this final question okay from a parent who has locked themselves into

a promise to their kid that they cannot keep oh no hey jarentina i promised my son at the start of the school year that if he tried really hard and got good grades i would get him an xbox at the end of the year i had no idea this would be the leverage he needed he has turned around his academics to a point where i cannot argue he deserves the xbox the only problem being i cannot afford to get on the xbox i don't know what to do and i'd love some advice as to how to punch my way out of this corner that is a toughie oh i feel so bad for them yeah because who can afford an xbox to start with no nobody fucking ridiculous they're awful super nintendo maybe if you go back to 1996 and index link what that console cost it still wouldn't be the hundreds that this thing is before you've even bought a game it's like 800 euro or something i mean obviously she knows this now i should promise something so big oh my no

this is terrible very tough because he lived up to the bargain. He's done it. He did it. Well, you know what's amazing here is she unlocked his potential. Yeah. I mean, there's no going back now. She's changed his behavior pattern. We did talk about this earlier in the season. I felt if I was definitely motivated that way, if I had that eye on the prize, I would have worked harder in school.

Having seen my report card, Tina, we did that episode. That was shocking. It was obvious. I didn't care. You didn't care at all. It was so obvious. But also, I felt like you were a little bit failed by your teachers. Like, you're so clever.

How did they not push you? Oh, did they? Oh, okay. They tried. Ah, look. No. I thought I was going to play in the NBA. They were delusional. There's no talking to me. Oh, did they? They try. Ah, look. No. I thought I was going to play in the NBA. They were delusional.

There's no talking to me. This kid sounds like an amazing kid. I have a couple of options, right? For starters, there are certain places that will let you pay in installments for something like that. Oh, that's true. Yeah. I feel bad, though, because it's still a huge commitment. That's still giving them the Xbox, Xbox. It's like buying a car.

It is an obscene amount of money. Could she write to Xbox and say what happened? You never know. They can be nice. There is that option. There is that option. Is there an option, Tina? And this is what I wanted to ask you when I got this email.

I was like, is this one came to Irishmanabroadpodcast at gmail.com? Not honey, you're ruining our podcast at gmail.com? Not honey. You're ruining our kid at gmail.com. Uh, whereas most of the emails come into, um, is there a way to not give him it? Look,

she can absolutely tell him that she's so in awe of his work ethic. She can't believe he's done this. She's so proud. And she can say that I didn't think you could. So when I made that offer, I wanted to motivate you, but I had no idea how amazing, how high you could fly. Like she can make it into a positive. Yeah, she can make it a positive.

She can be like, I had no idea. I so proud of you you have i underestimated me away you have underestimated i've underestimated you and i will never do that again well let me jump in there i would imagine that would be great if she hadn't seen him throughout the year no doubt he was going one step closer and she's like oh my god i know but you can say like i'm gonna get you the xbox i'm just i'm just saving for it it's a lot of money and i definitely think you deserve it but it's gonna take me some time there's no way out i don't think you can promise something like that in a civil way i mean can she get him like a second hand xbox or can you rent an xbox for a while second hand well actually kex would be the place to find one

yeah new in box yeah at a lower price uh there's always the ebay option but we're literally giving consumer advice now um but like that is the question the broader question here is if you promise your child something on a condition yeah if they live up to it you they live up to it you do owe it to them yeah you do owe it to them yeah but it is a lesson in oh that's what i was saying don't go too big don't go too big don't go too big on the thread either yeah a few times people have not been allowed to watch

Game of Thrones that night the new episode is out or the holiday has been cancelled and Christmas isn't happening anymore Ed Byrne used to do

a brilliant joke that whenever he had an argument with his wife he had to make sure to slam the door and leave the room to a room where there was a TV

that's so good And leave the room to a room where there was a TV. That's so good. What an insight into his brain. I know, I know. No intention of going back to try and sort it out. Hey, did you ever have a deal like this with your folks? That if you did this, you'd get this? No, I split run.

I never had to work for anything. Yeah was just told keep dreaming i never even had to ask stuff was just there and i think i was appreciative i hope i was but i i never had to but i always wanted to do it in proud that was in me anyway you wanted lord hokington or whatever it was dozy no what remember the teddy rubskin i wanted teddy i never got teddy rubskin i got dozy who i still who you preferred i made my dozy spoke as well yeah i made myself love dozy teddy rubskin was a hard bear to find jeraldine got him my sister they mixed up the presents do you think they wrapped the wrong one no she got him the year later she ripped his nose off

and I kept him in my cupboard then I keep an eye on him I'd be like I'm blinding you I take care of you here's the other thing the Xbox

could negatively impact these amazing grades oh it definitely will it definitely well she promised him it it definitely will it definitely but she promised a minute it definitely will i mean does it come with a condition uh well if your grades drop it's gotta go well look we're living in a very scary time when it comes to these phones and games i mean honestly do not know how children manage to do homework why don't we talk a bit more about that

on patreon because the this whole area of gaming and dad's game it is the wild west and it's a massive massive problem for loads and loads of parents i'd love to get your thoughts on it tina and how people might be able to just edge things back towards a little less focus on devices, especially as the summer kicks in. Guys, thank you so much for listening here on the free platforms. Please, please, please come over to patreon.com forward slash Irishman abroad. A couple of clicks, you're on board. And for a five or a month, you get to hear the whole episode as well as this extra chunk each week and hundreds of episodes with the greatest Irish people ever to have lived including Sir Bob Geldof, Mary Robinson, Gabriel Byrne, Paul McGrath, Mick McCarthy,

Sharon Horgan, Lisa Hannigan, you name them, they've been on the show and the interviews are there for when you finally get an opportunity to have some time to yourself. And can I say something? Even if you don't listen to any of those episodes please do yourself a massive favor and listen to jarlet's marathon episode he released last monday it is one of the most beautiful pieces of work i have ever heard it is a journey it's so inspiring and i'm not did you just stop me no i looked away because i can't listen to it i told charlotte i'd just gone i'm not recording that no it's incredible i think it's i know i'm your wife but i think it's worthy of a prize yeah it's so good sonny even said that

sonny said it's amazing i love it well i'm very proud of it. The marathon did not go to plan. We recorded the last episode and you guys knew that it was recorded pre-marathon and I was assuming out of my fist in the air and the time I wanted. Let's just say that didn't happen. But you did finish it. But a much, much better thing occurred.

It's all over there. Patreon.com forward slash Irishman. Thanks so much, Sian. Thanks, Sian.