Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - "My Kid Is Out Of Control!" Kids That Lie & Imposing New Year's Resolutions

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

We are back. A brand new year and a brand new episode. Today’s show mostly deals with trying to break bad habits. We are back to dropping an episode every second Monday. Wishing you all the very happy 2026.Question 1-If your three year old's behaviour is completely out of control, at home and at nursery what can you do to help him? Is it’s affecting his happiness, his friendships his schooling? When teachers and the Principals can’t cope with his outbursts does he need professional help? Is there any way of calming the behaviour down? How can you reset and try again?  Is having a routine or your own parenting standard or rules really going to help?Question 2-Teenagers are tougher than toddlers! Navigating the moods, the hormones, the outbursts. It’s just exhausting. Add in the never ending worrying about the human they are becoming. Couple this with zero support and you've got a lot of sleepless nights on your hands. What do you do when your mammy gut is on high alert? How do you choose your battles? Should you go get help and if yes where do you even go?Question 3-New year, new rules. The new year is a great opportunity to form new habits in your home. It can make simple rule changes seem exciting and a positive change for the kids. Three new changes seems to be the magic number. Keep these new rules workable, achievable and positive.Thank you for listening in to another episode of Honey You’re Ruining Our Kid. If you have any parenting questions email them over to [e-mail] or pop them into my insta inboxhttps://www.instagram.com/honeyyouareruiningourkid?igsh=MW1yN241OGF5MHUzdw%3D%3D&utm_source=qr.www.jigser.com/gigs to come and see Jarlath live in 2026

We are summer, are you ready? It's coming soon, North America's largest indoor boat show. The Toronto International Boat Show, new this year on the lake, play pickleball, on the world's first indoor floating full-sized court, January 17th to 25th at the inner care center. We are summer, are you ready. We are summer! We're a Toronto Boat Show. Visit Toronto Boat Show.com.

Hey Mambo Mambo Italian We're back Honey, you're ruining our kid The Parenting Podcasts from the Irishman-a-Broad podcast network is back and I'm dancing Hey, Mambo You're hilarious.

You're hilarious is not the words of somebody who's enjoying what I'm doing. I get it. I'm trying to summon energy from somewhere because if you're like me, Christmas has been more work than your actual work. Yeah. I feel like this Christmas is done. It's in the books.

We're on to 2026. I don't know, I feel like I need two more weeks off. It was so busy. I can't actually pinpoint any day of what we did. It just feels like it was nonstop. It was nonstop. And it was like, we just went through revolving doors for two weeks. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. And visiting flying around the place. I feel like we had a good time, but I just feel really tired. And when we had to get up for school this morning, I was like, oh my God. We got no lie-ins, though. Well, you, that was the thing. When our kid got his Christmas holidays, I was like, and here we go. Two weeks of lying on.

No more 6.30 in the morning getting up. Yeah. Nope. Didn't happen. Didn't happen. For some reason. Weirdly. Just kept waking up at that time.

Well, also, I think it's quite normal for your sleep to be a bit all over the shop through the Christmas. You mean, it's just so stimulating and so weird all the time. I didn't sleep well at all. And I know that people talking about their sleep, probably the most boring thing in the world. But Jailo, Jarlet never. Sorry. That's what I'm going back for 2026, guys.

Sorry, that is a pet name. Jaila too. Charlotte never sleeps like ever. So I never know really how he functions. Have a great tip, though, for people who are struggling to sleep. I don't think you can, you can't give out drug tips on air. What are they going to do, bring me to the high court? Girl three can tell me.

What if somebody takes one of those and it actually affects their heart or something? All I'm talking about is drowsy antihistamine tablets. Pretty standard. I'm not on board at this. I'm going to give the... No, you can't do this. Stop. Winona Grant tells everyone.

Yeah, but she doesn't tell them on a podcast. She tells her friends. You've become way too sensitive. I am shit scared. No, no. I have become aware that things I say get quoted. No, I don't think people give a shit. I just know that I'm not invisible anymore and it's all your fault and it's really, no, Jared, I know nobody cares, but people still take things I say and re-quote them.

I'm a clown. Nobody is coming to this podcast going, I wonder what journal that's right. Yeah, but they are, they are trusting me. And you're forgetting. Tina does not endorse this product or service, but if you get yourself some drag, Oh, my God, anti-histamine tablets. Stop it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking an antihistamine once a day.

Loads people can't take antihistamine. Okay. Well, consult your doctor, bravore, all the time time. I've been taking these just before bed on nights when I know, I think I'm going to struggle to sleep tonight. Half an hour before I go to sleep, little antihistamine tablet that says it's drowsy out like a light. I feel so sorry, Bajar, because I don't have trouble sleeping.

Very rarely, very rarely, no matter what. She's not exaggerating that. What kind of mood, pain level, anything? What argument has just taken place? Or what you're telling me at the time? If my head hits a pillow, I am out. And you know what's really upsetting? I wore braces for two years, two years of constant daily agony thinking,

okay, once I get to the end of this, it's all going to be good. Now I have to wear a mouth guard at nighttime. That is worse than the brace. What was the point? I told the dentist. dentist, really gross. This is me oversharing again. Let it all out. I told a dentist, I suffer from really dry mouth.

I'm going to find this hard. Every single night, I get to around two, if I'm lucky, four. And I have to get up and attack my mouth, trying to get the brace out, because it's so stuck to my teeth. And then I'm in such a panic after thinking, this is never going to leave my mouth. Then when I try and go back to bed, I just lie there going, I hate my life. I hear my love, I'm so tired. If you're struggling with phobias or a kid with irrational fears of things, we want to hear from you because Dean is definitely someone who grew up with irrational fears.

And I still have them. But this is why this is inspiring. Every time they suggested a mouth guard, Tina was like, but will it pull out all my teeth? Charlotte, don't tell you. The dentist would be like, no, it will not. It will not pull out all your teeth. But when I'm taking it out,

Is there a chance that all of my teeth will come out with it? No, that will not happen. But let me just ask. My dad just hates me. She did ask him four or five times each appointment. And by the end, he would go, why are you asking me this? I honestly think he took my braces off earlier than I needed them taking off. To get you out there.

Just to get rid of me, he was so sick of dealing with me because my teeth still look like I need braces. That's bollocks. Anyway, we won't start the podcast. Like that, no You have to be As you say, people listen to you This place did the biz And best to look to anybody

Who's heading out On that orthonautic journey this year Or of your kids, oh my God We're talking about cranky teenagers Later in the show I'd imagine that when your kid has braces And their mouth has been pulled Left, right and Center

That must add to all of this I don't know They seem to take it in their stride Though Tina This January, every January We come to the point in the year Where the kids have had the keys to the city.

Yeah, everyone's stealing with monsters right now. We are trying to restore order across this place. You can't

kidnap their president and tell them you're gonna sort your shit out and then we're going to give you your president back. You can't blindfold your

kids and tie them to a chair. You can't do that anymore. They frown on it. They frown on it. It's not advised.

Yeah. That's actually a very serious issue. You shouldn't be joking about that because some kids are that that's really bad.

I'm going to be that really annoying person. We've never had a listener like that i'll be honest with you no he had one okay we did yeah yeah but your look anytime i put up a reel where people are like these irish mammies are actually really bad i'm like i know that's what this is about that's what people are relating to these are jokes and we need to laugh about it this is a podcast about parenting well when i'm about not getting it right yeah but doing your best

And with the help of Tina and her 20 years of experience in severe behavior units, Montessori school, early learning, you can get advice that you can apply to your life for free. I miss that job so much. I miss doing that. Irishman abroad podcast. No, it's not. It's honey you're ruining our kid. By simply emailing honey, you are ruining our kid at gmail.com. Tina, let's get to.

Usually we come back with loads of. stories of we saw this kid doing this we saw this kid doing that we didn't actually see that many wild and crazy kids we saw a lot of cute kids and loads of cute kids i think the kid that took the biscuit was on uh christmas day in mass a kid they kept on looking back at you oh my god he looked like a tiny man yeah these lots that are dressed just like their dad's very very cute he was gorgeous and kept my life alive that day because that priest was droning i was like oh my god why are we Why do I exist? Well, you want a bit of crack in your Christmas Day Mass, don't you?

I think you want, uh, and did Santa come to all the little kids? And then the kids go, and then he gets a couple of kids up to the altar and goes, oh, what does that be really? Yeah, father-friendly always did that and it was so great. I think this priest is trying his best. He definitely was trying his best. He just didn't involve the kids at all. Yeah, it just, it has to be part mass, part toy show. Yeah.

Just a little bit of banter with the kids. But I was messing with that child so much that my own son gave out to me. Mommy, God, stop. Because he was getting amped. Yeah, we were having a great time. Me, him were best friends. And the dad was brought up. Stop waving to him.

He had him camp. And by the end, Tina had him doing Jack in the box from his chair. Yeah, I was Brady bang his head, to be honest. But I was like, I'll keep him. I'll keep him. Well, this story, this question that we have is, I guess it's perfect for this episode. Heart goes out to this family. But again, as Tina points out to me this morning, this is very, very calm.

My son is about to turn four. And he is our third child. We're not new to parenting, but he is something else. He started school in September and we are struggling. I really need some suggestions on what works for your or what works for your or what works For your kids, all three of our kids are not easy. Very opinionated kids hate that, which I appreciate, but this one is different. He was potty trained after school started, but now has regressed and is pooping in his butt.

Well, he'd hope that's where he'd be pooping from. And then dropping the turds in the toilet. Himself. Oh, my God. I'm so glad I don't read the question. Until I read the questions. I'm just lagging. Yeah, no.

Whenever you see a grown-up doing that, you've got to be like, that guy really wants to see these things go in the time. So he poops, takes it out of his jocks, and drops it off at the pool. Literally dropping the kids off at the pool. It sucks, but it's not the worst part. Oh, shit.

I'm never reading the questions before the show, because this is way more fun. You never do. that's not the worst part sorry for laughing because this is seriously he will listen to no one the school is struggling he needs a teacher beside him at all times they had to create a special area in the room i used to have a special area in the room of course you did i can relate to this you were way older than that i was eight in my own special area It's awful, Charlotte.

I can't agree with this as an approach by the school, but we'll get to that, right? Create a special area in the room for him to reset with a teacher and is known for getting in the faces of other kids and making them uncomfortable. In the afternoons, he is... I love the idea of three-year-olds in his classroom going, you're making me uncomfortable, and you know that if they have that language, they will be saying it and it's probably the cutest. I love that. Ability to articulate that. Plenty of relatives forcing kisses and hugs on kids that you'd love to have been able to say,

sorry, Uncle Johnny, you're making me uncomfortable. And I don't have to kiss you. In the afternoons, he is the worst and will not listen to anyone and has been carrying chairs over his head around the classroom and is generally very difficult for all. Look, I love the spirit of this kid.

But this is not the worst behavior I've ever heard in a classroom. Okay, right. So I'm not bothered. This is going to be great. So I can't wait to hear what you have to say. Many times they have had to call the principal into the room. I'm so sorry for laughing, but he's only three. And I know, look, I had to make a principal call myself at one point.

I got a wooden airplane thrown out me so hard. I was concussed. A wooden airplane. A wooden airplane. And I had to call the principal down because I was lying on the ground. And I was like, I need someone else to take the class until I'm able to stand up again. And that kid worked out just fine. Yeah, I'm sure.

I don't know. Many times they have had to call the principal into the room to try and control him and remove him from the other student activities. At home, he is just as bad, if not worse. You see, that's where this is unusual to me because usually it's one of the other. He thinks this is a crazy place. I do crazy stuff. No, but this is what I mean. Or I'm a great kid at school.

nightmare at home. But I actually think this one makes the behavior easier to understand and fix. Okay, right. At home he's just as bad, if not worse. He listens to no one if we tell him to do something. If we tell him not to do something, he does it. He is physical with his older siblings, destructive and generally a pain in the butt. At the same time, he can be incredibly loving and sweet at snuggle time. I love him so much. But my husband and I are at breaking point. we are a very functional normal family he gets his extra attention and love as we thought this could be an issue but it's to no effect he is very susceptible to positive reinforcement but he doesn't stop the bad behavior i've googled but found nothing i'm at the point of making a doctor's appointment

but not sure what will they even suggest. We know he is young and his behavior is 100 times worse than anything we've ever seen or dealt with with the other kids. What should we do next? Therapy, doctors, anything? We're open to everything. We just need help, but not sure where to find it. So, Tina, any advice is appreciated.

We are not bad parents. We try our best. but we are losing it and listen that's the thing to emphasize here we're all trying our best here and when your kid is like that it's exhausting and you do start to blame yourself yeah and it doesn't help because you're feeling completely worn out by the behavior which means you're not reacting brilliantly to the behavior in the moments either um first thing i would suggest to this mom is she's mentioned professional help there and i absolutely do not know this kid i've never met the kid So I would absolutely say

If her gush has made her think Do I need to bring him to therapy Do you need to go to a doctor I would start making those appointments now Because if there is an additional need there The earlier you request the help The more of a chance of you getting it Especially now when there's so many children

With additional needs Especially in this country Well I think these people are actually in the UK So when they say they're at school He's in nursery, nursery class and um right so his behavior is out of control and sometimes we forget when we're the teacher and we're the parents and we're dealing with the out of control of behavior and we're exhausted by it he is equally exhausted by that out of control behavior that is not a happy child like he is

not happy or comfortable in himself like his body is a mess he is he is not calm he is not functioning like he should be because he he he is lacking in something and that's really hard to say to a parent without hurting their feelings because it's not that he's lacking in love what i'd imagine is he is lacking in understanding boundaries and rules of what is expected of him and that might have just come like they have they mentioned in the email they've got very opinionated children which is fabulous but maybe they're they're allowing you know a lot of kind of unhealthy independence for children this small in terms like, it's great that they have their opinions and stuff,

but are they following your rules? Do you have kind of rules in the house that don't, that are rigid, that don't move, that aren't flexible? This kind of constitution that you've talked about in the past. Do they know what they're allowed to do? Do they know what is pushing, you know, against? Like, or are the boundaries a bit loose and the children are just allowed to explore and be free?

Like, it's a really nice idea, the idea of kind of, letting them be their own like I can't say for certain this is what's happening in this house but sometimes you see children who are allowed kind of have their own kind of idea of what the rules are they are the kids who suffer because they actually want to feel safe and a child can't feel safe if they don't know what's expected of them so I think the first thing they need to do in this house is the mom and dad need to sit down and together they need to come up with what is acceptable behavior what are the boundaries of their own house what is bedtime what are meal times like and

they need consistency in all these things so that this child especially who is already acting out at this level starts to feel safe and calm in a routine can i jump in there right because the one line that stood out to me in the email was about the older siblings. Yeah. As the youngest sibling in my house, 10 siblings, only four siblings in total. You can tend to be like, well, we did our parenting with the others. Now, I'm not saying that they did this. Yeah.

But I'm just saying that over time, it's obviously going to be a bit more like, well, your brothers and sisters are going to take care of you. Yeah, but I don't get that from this email because they seem really concerned. And they even said that they're trying to carve out independent time with him where they give him attention. I really feel like these guys are trying their best and they are very aware of the problem. And she's also credit to her has been told these awful things from the school. Most parents can't handle that. Like the schools have to come to you and tell you those behaviors. First of all, they're even worse than they're telling you.

and that's as much as they can tell you because it's very teachers and principals do not like having to tell parents this stuff they prefer to try and iron it out in school and it's only if it's actually really affecting the other children and stuff that they will come to you and she has really seems like she's really taken it on the chin and she's understanding of it because she's like yeah i'm seeing it at home whereas a lot of the time the parent will be like well i don't know what you're talking about you know and complete denial yeah complete denial complete denial and that's really tough. So she does seem like she's open to help. That can often be the hardest thing when the parent isn't quite there. Well, let me just ask us, there will obviously be people listening to this going. This does sound a lot like my guy too. And, you know, she said, where do I go next? Yeah. You're saying that the first place is to sit down as a family and get clear on. No, not as a family, just with our partner. Do not involve the kids right now. Because even if the other kids aren't acting out like this young kid is, they all need the same structure.

So, and I'm not saying make the house really, like, fixed and I'm just saying you need to know what, what, if there's a behavior, what is the consequence? What do you both agree on? You need to get really clear in what your parenting standards are. Like, whatever you're doing is not working for your youngest kid. He doesn't feel safe. And that is the essence of this acting. out, he doesn't really know what's expected on him. So he'll do absolutely anything to get attention and it is all attention based. Now, it's going to be very hard for this family because when they

push back against this, he's going to get worse. But if they're able to be consistent, if they have their parenting standard set up, that can be anything. Like that can just be, you know, they can still be very gentle parents. I'm not saying bring punishment into that. I'm just saying, if bedtime's 8 o'clock, bedtimes 8 o'clock every day, that's it. That is your rule. Don't let the kids have wriggle room because that's when kids get a little bit like, well, I can kind of do whatever I want. Yeah, and if I kick up enough of a stink, eventually they'll relax. Like, have a bedtime routine and always have that bedtime routine.

Try your best. It's not possible to do the same thing every day all the time, but it is possible to try and stick to a habit. And at dinner time, have the dinner time the same. way you try and have it all the time. I mean, these things are really important for children's behaviors. They need to feel like they know the routine. So whatever the routine that is manageable for your family, sit down with your partner and figure it out. Figure out what are the consequences now. You know, I'm not into nutty steps or timeout. I don't like them. I don't think it work. But I do think that if you have a child acting out, hitching their siblings or anything like that,

you are allowed to say to get down to their level and say this behavior is not okay I'm giving you a warning explain to them what you want them to do and say if you keep doing this I will have to give you a consequence explain the consequence then you get to say if you see it going again you say I've given you your warning I will have to follow true in the consequence if you do that behavior and the consequence be something like, you know, washing the table or brushing the floor. It doesn't have to be like horrible. It's just something that you. No TV for you. Yeah. Don't punish the whole family. But like make it something that like I always think a distractive behavior is way better than, you know, something mean. Like when they're washing the table, they're doing an activity. You know,

it's not the worst thing in the world, but they've helped out in some way. You know, it's a really great question to start off this year of the podcast. Because what you're saying to be applied to everybody's household whatever age your kids are post-Christmas you're trying to re-establish that world order that routine and that sense of well this is how it works what's extraordinary and we've seen Tina apply this is how relaxing it is for your kids they settle and feel like safe and comfortable in knowing well that's it that's how it works well you need your child to always feel like they're safe with you safe with you safe with you no matter how they behave that you are always going to be there for the hug and the embrace

now I know this child's behavior is off the charts and I've only given a tiny bit of advice but there's no way to tackle every behavior at the same time the first thing this kid needs is a routine now I would absolutely tell them to start doing a sensory diet with this child and the school should be on that too this kid needs sensory activities they need to feel They're like, I, you know me, I think every single child should have a sensory diet. It doesn't matter if they have. It's the kids who have the extra thing that seem to get, given these sensory diets, but it's no harm for every kid, like these brushing, these bouncing on the balls, the rolling.

Like, they help every child feel a bit calmer. Like, this child obviously needs that. Now, I know the school have their reset area, and that is just out of safety for the other children. But this school sounds like a very understanding school. Like the stuff he's doing is very tough. They might just need, the mom should request maybe regular meetings where they can discuss their techniques.

But I definitely think she should inquire as to whether they're doing sensory diets with her children, with her child. And if they are, she should be doing the same ones at home before he goes to school. Well, thank you so much for your email. And we can't wait to hear how things develop. Because, of course, when you email, Tina,

you won't just get, you know, advice and a, you know, a guy has had an understanding ear. Like she says, she's seen this loads of times. She's seen way worse. So do keep the emails coming in to Honey, you are ruining our kid at gmail.com. There's such an amount of relief around when the kids go back to school at this time of the year, isn't there?

Yeah, I feel terrible, but this morning when I woke up, there was a tiny bit of butterflies that, hey, I get to do my job today and not worry about. feeling awful about myself back on my job. Stuff that has been, I'll do that when they go back to school. Yeah, well, you just want to be present.

And it's so hard. And then you hear yourself saying, I just need to get this bit of work done. And you're like, it's awful. It's just awful. Here's such mixed emotions, seeing them off. But then, you know, this is why you do need a group.

You do need a village to help you. Because nobody else can relate. to this. Your friends that don't have kids. Yeah. Don't get that. Like, I guess, it's such a strange day. Is this the, this isn't blue Monday, is it?

It'd have to be pretty blue. Isn't he eight the January? Is that it? I don't know. I totally just made that up. Well, one of the challenges is that, you know, the Christmas puts the whole relationship under a microscope. You start to see the cracks. The things that you've been ignoring are the things you thought that weren't that big.

We're like, oh, turns out maybe that is big or that is something. You do get to observe your children again for a little while. And that's what this second question is all about. Hi, Teenager, absolutely love the show and I've missed it so much. Thank you for coming back. I'm pretty sure my teenage daughter isn't being completely honest with me. Well, that would put her in the category of every teenager ever, right? Yeah, big time.

Pushing the boundaries, stress testing how much bullshit you can spend. I'm not saying they're all liars. I'm sure. But like, I do think that when I read that first line of this, I was like, well, this, this is what they're at. Well, it's hard to know. It's not our area of expertise, but we've read a lot of teenage books now. And there's always a chapter on, why is my teenager lying to me? Yeah, and it is a boundary test. It's like it's taken for granted that your teenager will lie.

Yeah. Certain behaviors, she says here, are really worrying me, though. She comes home from school in the most insanely ferocious, mood. She is extremely tall and extremely skinny. She's always tired and seems to be constantly cranky. Again, this all seems powerful the course. If you told your parents about this, they'd be like, that's how they are. Yeah, but isn't that the most annoying thing to hear when you're stressed out? Because she's, she's clearly saying there's more here. Yeah, she's stressing her mummy gut. I don't think she's eating or sleeping enough. And that really, really worries me. It's just a mammy gut feeling.

See? Sorry. It's just a mammy gut feeling. But what can I do? I've already made the mistake of actually telling her, I don't think she's doing these things right. But I have zero proof. She does lie to me during the day on basic stuff. I've read it's normal for teenagers to bend the truth, but it drives me nuts when she lies to my face. And I'm able to be able to to prove her wrong and she just shrugs her shoulders. Is there anything I can do to help her and myself? No. Simple answer. On to the question number two. Of course there is. Of course there is. I'm joking. I'm a joker too. Well, first of all, I think getting, I know this sounds really

annoying and silly and simple, but getting a multivitamin or a tonic as part of her daily routine at least takes the stress away from going is she getting all the nutrients she needs because she does need them it's a very important time for a teenage girl and that is one thing you can control she has to take it in the morning with our breakfast you're being a good mom she's taking care of herself

and you're talking like a centrum or something like that I think there is actually multibitam design specifically for teenage girls and for teenage boys and then there's that brilliant tonic that I love Oh, I know this stuff. It's like Floredex. Fluoridex. Yeah, that's a really good one.

I mean, it's gross, but it's really good. Yeah, it tastes like old school medicine and it comes in an old school medicine brown bottle with the load of vegetables on the front. You look at it and you're like, is it just really fragmented orange juice. But even when I take that, I feel better. No, I don't know if it is. It's super juice, definitely. Yeah. It's very expensive though.

It's very expensive. Yeah, I really think the multivitamins should be given to the teenagers. Like, they need them and they're really expensive. Like, no, like, like, that's a little expensive. Like, that's a luxury for a lot of families. Anyway. Did you lie to your parents? Well, we've been through this before.

I was a super goodie two shoes. I haven't got no thanks for it. But I think that I was so afraid of doing anything wrong or being bold or getting caught in a lie that I didn't. I don't think I did, really. I definitely did a few things like when it was lights out, I would wait and then put back on my light and read my book. Yeah. You know, stuff like that. It's hardly stealing from the collection plate.

Yeah. Jessica Lovejoy style. Well, you did seem like, like, honestly, I had such difficulty corrupting Tina. I'm still at it. Also, I was such a sick teenager that I was kind of, you know, when you're a teenager. You're doing a deal with God. Oh, like, when you're a teenager, you're crazy. And if you get sick and you just want to get better.

Maybe if I'm really good. Yeah, maybe if I'm really, Lord above. It wasn't even about God. It was more about like, if I do this, then maybe the universe. will reward me and I won't feel like shit tomorrow like all that kind of stuff that's what you were at i would i still do that sometimes i'm going to be the best patient ever yes yes well these kids aren't raised with that all seeing i oh god what if i get smited yeah for this and in some ways it does make you long for that a little bit because i definitely was scared of my accumulated bad stuff

And I can remember going to confession and being like, whoa, and go out of my Catholic. I'm in the clear again. So, so strange, but I was definitely lying a bit. And, you know, it is a bad habit and it is like some, some of it, I don't think she needs to worry about. Yeah, that's what I was going to say is she gets that. Yeah, but when it comes to. So frustrating. sleeping, hydration and nutrition.

That's really tricky. You're getting the brunt of that. She comes back from school. Like, I wonder if we'll put it out there to the listeners, if you've got teenage kids. Yeah. Is it really common for them to come home from school in a fowler? I don't know.

Like, they're burning energy so fast. I think it is. I think it's pretty standard because think about it last time they at. Yeah. Well, they're not. It's now probably half four. I still think it's crazy that they haven't incorporated a later break in the day in these schools. Like, I know they have, most of the schools finish earlier than we ever did.

But like, we were starving at school all the time. Like, surely now with everything we know about nutrition and teenagers, they should be. There should be a second break. And like, or just snacks available when they're hungry. Like, well, I guess there is vending machines and that. And that can also be another part of this. I wonder does this kid consume high sugar? Yeah, well, we all did that.

Because the bottom out from eating moams or whatever chewy sweets you love or drinking your physicolas or pops, whatever, the youngsters or the monstar drink is an awful drink. And rots the teeth at some point in every episode, Tina, I am going to become an Irish. No, you're not. that's not happening just for a 30 second period whenever i find myself trying to relate to the children my voice automatically goes that way but the the the real bottom out of sugar high sugar low could be part of this yeah yeah but you know what i was um hinting out there earlier was like you told loads of lies and you took loads of wrist and you had a pretty nice teenage years

I tried my best to be really, really good and not tell any lies. I was still accused of lying the whole time, and it didn't matter. So I just think if she's not doing anything awful and the lies aren't dangerous, is it just normal teenage behavior? Like, mine was abnormal. Like, it was. It's so tricky, though. I was so stressed out trying to be good. I was going to say that if you keep saying to her, look, I trust you completely.

that you can essentially guilt her I know you would never lie to me and then hold her stare I know you would never lie to me It is so hard because what you need to do and this is the problem of giving you advice on my teenage girls is you need to keep the door open

if you go in too hard she will hate you if you go in too little she will resent you you need to kind of just get better at listening and choosing your moments to parent and I know even saying that

that is impossible yeah well it might be impossible to get it right all the time but you will get right some of the time but I would definitely maybe bring her to the doctor

and just get a health check done I mean you're supposed to do that anyway and the doctor can tell her go to the doctor first to have a meeting with the doctor if it's a good doctor and tell them your worries and tell them

That is private. You're not to tell my daughter. I have told you that. I'm going to bring her in. And if she's underweight or if there's something you're worried about, take it seriously. Then bring your daughter to the doctor. Don't say anything. Allow the doctor to do his or her job. Allow your daughter to talk to the doctor not meeting. You just be there and talk if you need to. And she might take that stuff on board. Well, this body consciousness and this leaning towards being super healthy, obviously was not a huge concern in the 90s when we were teenagers. But now it is for girls and boys. Like girls were always super conscious of their bodies. Yeah, but there wasn't fillers and the sense that your lines were a concern. You weren't using electric face masks to try and beat the aging. process before it begins, it does seem like all of this is ramped up to an extent. Yeah, like we had a listener get in touch just before the Christmas saying that their daughter

was looking for makeup for Christmas and she didn't know what to do because some of the stuff she was asking Santa for was stuff she didn't even know about like she didn't know what they were. And to be honest, I had to Google it too. And I was like, oh my God, this is proper grown of makeup. And I'm wondering how to handle that. And then the more reading I did about it, you're Right, Jarlett. Like children as young as six years of old age this year were asking for makeup from Santa. And then I had to question myself and my beliefs about it. And I was like, well, like, makeup shouldn't be something we're ashamed of. Like, it is something that most women will use every day. And enjoying your face and how you look isn't something to be ashamed of. Some people become artists doing that. But what we do need to be careful of is, like you say, the lines. and trying to be young like that stuff is bananas like I really felt a very heavy responsibility trying to guide this lady through it and in the end I was like let's just rear to the edge of fun let's get her hair chokes for her hair glitter for her eyes some really fun lip amps

and some would say are you opening the door there are you actually just leading her down the garden path towards it. But then I think that if you were to stamp it out and say absolutely not, you fetishize it and make it a taboo that she's like, well, I'll do this. I had to call on myself. I was like, what is the big deal with a child wearing a bit of cream or makeup? They're going to end up doing that anyway. It's not nothing to be ashamed of.

But it's when it's the fixing their face is different. Like they're just enhancing their face. They're just having a bit of creative fun. but it's like they start talking about fixing their face that's a worry because obviously we're all individual we're all beautiful in our own way to come back around to the question yeah sorry it is around trust yeah and you're a kid and sometimes you have to watch it as a parent because you might be projecting your dishonesty as a teenager upon them and that the pushback and the blowback that you're getting is from you assuming the worst of them and then being like

I fucking told you I have my lunch I fucking told you I ate I told you I was drinking water why is that not good enough for you because you know what because it's her mommy gut that's tingling and the mommy gut is a super powerful thing that I'm always telling women not to ignore and just this morning I need to get the name here just this morning I was reading about how this is a female intuition yeah what you're talking about

yeah but also when you're a mom and you have your baby you know your baby better than anyone you just do and oh it's Jesse Nelson from Little Mix is it? Yeah yeah so she had twin baby girls

okay beautiful twin baby girls and she said she shared this incredibly heartbreaking video on TikTok she said her girls are premature and she was given the advice that, you know, they're not going to get them to their milestones

like other babies for us, so don't worry too much if they're not crawling when they should be crawling and things like that. And she said she didn't have any other kids, so she really took that advice to heart. And she said, her mother tried to tell her, I don't think their legs should be like that at this point. So she you know, it's hard when you're

getting that extra advice from a parent, but she said, her mother said so many times she was like, okay, I'll bring her to a doctor or I'll bring her to health nurse. And everyone kept saying, no, no, it's fine. They were premature and it's grand. but but they weren't fine and she knew they weren't fine and they have severe muscular disease and even though they're tiny tiny babies they might never walk they might never be able to move their head their arms and they've had there's a very she was saying there's a gene therapy that they can give when they do the heel prick normally this shows up straight away but they don't

have the heel prick in the UK so there was no indicator that there was anything wrong with her babies But in Ireland, when you have your child, they did a heel prick. Straight away, those babies are given what is deficient in their muscles, so no damage occurs. But instead, her baby's muscles that have died off can never be fixed. And she was just so upset because she was saying, you know, I knew there was something wrong with my baby. But everyone told me there wasn't. Now, we both know that I had the experience of knowing there is something wrong with my baby. and I couldn't get anyone to listen to me at all

and sometimes I feel like if a mom like this mom thinks there's something a bit off bring that kid to the doctor and get someone else to talk to her because mommy gets a powerful thing get the school involved if you don't even get the school involved with a teenager I just mean if you're concerned about something and how your kid is getting on in school

You can go to your earhead and say, can you keep an eye on this? Yeah, but I don't think you should tell the year head. You're worried that she's not eating and stuff because it's too much. It's too much information for them. Yeah, and you never really know how they're going to receive that. No, you don't know what they're going to do. Yeah. So we wish you look.

And also, if there's anyone listening who has any experience with this, we would really love to be able to give this mom some more feedback or more direction on where to go. Well, I always recommend the book how to talk to teenagers. so they'll listen and how to listen to teenagers so they will talk that's the two things we want the most so best to look with that and we will obviously come back to this

if we get any more news on it what's your New Year's resolution Tina our next question is all about trying to get on top a few behaviours that you want your kids you want to impose New Year's resolutions on your kids what's yours I am taking I have taken a shout at this Tina we have not

prepared this. No. I'm just throwing this in the mix. And I'm so anti being told what to do that. No, you need to have a nose resolution. Well, I really want to feel more on top of things this year. I want to be more organized. A nice general diffuse, zero pressure. I just want to feel like I'm. Excuse me. Feeling organized is actually a lot of pressure on me. Okay. But just make sure it's not specific. That is very specific to what I need to do. It's far too broad. for you to ever feel like you achieved it. No, it's not. I procrastinate to the point of I'd rather just do something else

and put that piece of paper into the place, the filing cabinet used to. And a part of that is that you don't like being told. I don't like being told what to do. It's so funny that you're advising people on how to get their willful children to do what you're asking them. And you're like, I don't like pinning that piece of paper. If you tell me a pretty thing. Maybe that's because I can understand the point of view of the kid.

You know, because they don't like being told what to do. And I can help you. No, I had to talk. But you know, I did a TV show at the start of December called the Blame Game on BBC, Northern Ireland. The Blame game. And it reminded me as to why I am way better doing stand-up comedy off my own bat, my way, the way I like to do it. I haven't had a job in so long. Yeah.

Like, I spent most of my life just suiting myself and doing my own thing. That honestly, like, I've been on panel shows many, many times. Yeah, but you say, people are always like, why isn't Jaredine the show? And I'm like, he says no to everything. I say no to all these panel shows. Yeah. I'm like, I just find it's so stressful. And you did this show because you love the guy who does it.

And he asked you, and you were like, yeah, I'll do it. but you were I've never seen you so stressed out fuck and I was write jokes about this no but you know what I remember like talking to you about people I

know I was working with and stuff and you give me advice and I was like that's not going to work these people are my family during the day I have to get on with them I was like how did you cope in an office just go quiet just go quiet

They'll get the picture. I was like, when you're at work, you're with your work family. I was like, I can't do what you're telling me to do, you crazy man. Well, my New Year's Resolution, thanks for asking. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, I changed my mind. It's to remember to ask you what you'd like to. I think my New Year's resolution is to get healthy.

Oh, shut up. You've been getting healthy for years. I'm not bored of you getting healthy. Healthy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I got to get my run in. Oh, I got to eat this. Choose something else.

Yeah, but, you know, honestly, I have a lot of very unhealthy habits, including a huge addiction to low calorie fizzy drinks. Well, I think. Zero calorie. Yeah. It's true. I think you're, just pure chemical. One of them that I drink has no calories and no caffeine in it. so what is it

like I don't know what I'm drinking but you never drink water sometimes I definitely replace water with fizzy drinks from a can and that's so bad like that's so bad it might explain my sleep it's all connected right question number three

Teenage R help me it's a new year and I'm trying to encourage my kids age three to five to think what this means in terms of new habits clever mom i love it how can i get them to eat vegetables wipe their own bumps oh that's common common problem ridiculous have less screen time if i managed to get on top of these three things i think i'd feel like i was already

winning in twenty six i just realized i never talked about the poor mom and the putting his turds into the water but oh shit but i guess she he does need to just face down the other one first and come back to me and I will help you with that. Yeah. And at least he's letting the poo out. A lot of kids just will not let go of the poo. So you're nearly there. Okay. You're nearly there. Like, I wondered about that had she caught him doing it. Is he placing them in the loo? Or is he sending them from distance? Oh, I don't know, but I'd imagine what the problem is. He doesn't like the sense say. It doesn't like this sensation of the water

hitting his bottom. No one does. Yeah. But yeah, definitely she has to encourage him to do that and flush it and wash his hands. It makes this mom feel great.

Yeah, yeah, I bet. Sorry. Springtime and bum time. I interrupted the end of that question though. Sorry. Yeah, no, that was it. So happy to have the show back. I've missed you guys so much.

Oh, okay. Eat vegetables. I mean, that's the Tina Tappas. Tina Sappas. Like, I'm not joking. And I know I didn't make up Tina Stappas, even though Jarlett calls it Tina Stappas. Well, putting food in little bowls on the table for them to make their selections. But there's not one parent this has not worked for.

Like, that is it. It 100% works and it has worked for everyone I know. Take the pressure off the food. Just put everything out in bowls. Put empty place in front of them and allow them. Make sure there's something there that they will definitely eat and allow them to explore. Pick and mix. It works every time and it is brilliant.

and you just have to fight the urge to be like, put some carrots on your plate, just, you know. And also, I've really learned in the last while with kids, you're better of keeping the vegetables raw where you can. Like, I mean, I know you can't get them. There's more nutrition in them as well. Yeah, but honestly, they prefer the crunch to the wet. So I know you can't do that with parisnips and stuff,

but maybe with them, mash them, because I think it's the in-between what I've noticed is they don't like. So ungrateful. Ah, no. I know. Have wiped their own bones. that is a tough one because you know what they just they don't believe in themselves enough they're not quite their little hands and their little arms it's a lot of none you're going to say

they're little ours that's a lot of motor planning like we take it for granted and I mean there's a lot of problems who aren't doing a great job but either but like that's a lot of motor planning first you have to teach them you know how long you need to wipe for it the the kind of gentleness they need to have the nice toilet paper how they have to keep wiping on there's nothing left on the toilet roll and then flush and wash their hands. That's just repeating it and maybe helping them choose the toilet

paper they want to use. I was going to suggest that you do that thing that you did in England that time where you told the kids about how dangerous it was not to brush their teeth properly. Oh my God. That's not what I did. What was the kid? I don't

wouldn't stop scrubbing his teeth. That's not what I did. I did a really thorough lesson. really thorough on how you should brush your teeth i had the whole tish kish and everything and i told them how important it was and how they can help their own teeth and keep the dirty way one of the kids took it in way too much like yes went in really deep like they they could not stop brushing their teeth and uh i helped that kid through that but that is not what happened i helped that kid through that problem that i created for that child i felt so sorry for that kid because like he obviously really enjoyed that

circle. You know, when you're in a Montessori circle like that and you really get into the groove of listening and watching the presentation and stuff, he really listened. And I was able to say that to him. Too well. I was like, you really took it on board. You're doing a great job. But actually, we're only supposed to brush your teeth in the morning, sometimes at lunch and at night time. His poor mom was really worried. Less screen time, I think, is pie in the sky. How the hell are you going to do that? Oh, look, less screen time is the most important thing on that list. I am sorry. I know that I... How, though? How?

I, I'm going to get, like, hated for this. But I am at the point in my life where I am so holding myself back from going up to prams and taking the phones out of kids' hands. I am so sick of it. You are ruining your kid. Prams, yeah. Yeah, it's like, come on. Why is your one-year-old on an iPhone? Turn that pram around and talk to your kid. That is a brilliant opportunity for a language. which I know I sound like an middle-aged woman right now. Well, you're very clear on it.

Like, you know, I don't think it sounds like anything. You've always just been really clear that if you want a vocal kid and you want the relationship with them, you got to stop. But like the evidence is there now. It is bad for them. You are diminishing their ability to concentrate. I get it. It's impossible to not have screens at all.

But have a screen time during the day. stop just putting them on screens because it's easier for you. You'll say it's impossible, but we never had them back in mind, yeah. Look, I, I watched that guy, that TikTok guy, what is his name? Eric, he's from Donegal. Roberts. Eric Roberts. Sometimes I find him very annoying, but I'm sure he's a lovely person.

But in his fairness, in fairness to him, in his fairness. He is, he is a dad of a little one-year-old, and it shouldn't be that much of a shocker, but he is trying to be a no-screen parent. And he put up a reel the other day of how much entertaining you need to do with your child. Like bringing the toys and the books. But that is all brilliant learning for them. Like playing, interacting with those toys, having the engagement from you. I mean, a lot of people are wondering why their kids' behavior is so out of control.

But you haven't been engaging with your kids since they were able to sit up. You can't just expect them to listen to you when they've been parented by a screen. Also, you're removing the chance that, you eventually do find yourself in a situation where, right, we actually need them to lock in, like on a plane, transatlantic. Movie time. One movie prepped for that is going to be really helpful. Because if most of the people listening to this haven't turned off in a rage right now

about how anti-screens I am, actually not an anti-screen parent. I am not. I am anti-screen push chairs. I'm anti-screens in high chairs. Or in restaurants. Restaurants, like, that seems to be the place. we see it the most for everyone both parents and all the kids are all on a screen that is just so sad for humanity i just think it is but i am not anti-screens i get it at certain points in the

day you need your child to they learn on the screens yeah gaming is important for your kid the parents who are who are excluding their kids from gaming are might be excluding them from conversations and friendships and everything but uh i i am i could make the The question is, how do I get less, then? How do we get less? Well, I think you just do what we do. You timetable it. And that's the rule.

That's your window. That's it. It makes it so easy as a parent. You just say, what day is it? Thursday. No, you know the rule. Saturday, two hours. That's it.

We're not that strict. I mean, our kids are a teenager. But when he was small, we were that strict. Well, yeah, I mean, if there's an allocated time for it, like you said in the previous question, it's a bit calmer because they know. well, that's when it is. They might grow to have a lingering resentment towards you. I definitely don't think I'm doing it right.

We're all flying blind with the screens. But does a one-year-old need to be on a screen in a pram? No. We're in the Wild West, though. I always say this, that you know the way we looked back on how our parents let us do X, Y, and Z, and we go, oh, God, it was mad the way they did that. They will look back on this period and we're like, maybe you were just allowed to go on your screen as much as you wanted. Well, I think it will actually be way worse than that. I think grown-ups are going to be in therapy talking about how isolated they felt from their parents because they were put on screens.

Look at how we feel so emotionally neglected. We were never just left on a screen. I really worry about it. It really is something on my mind. And this Christmas, when I was going around and seeing tiny babies on screens, it's like, come on. Like, your baby shouldn't know how to unlock the iPhone and look for Bluey. Like, cartoons are great. I'm not anti-cartoons.

I'm not anti. I'm just saying, can you, a little bit of cop on here? Designate the time and bringing that in. That might be the most challenging part if you've gone through the looking glass in terms of it. This one's already so clever. This whole new year, new habits. Yeah, yeah. That's brilliant.

Well, I hope we've got in there nice and early, guys. Thank you so much for listening and coming back to us. I hope I haven't annoyed everyone with my screen talk. Well, Tina, you're better off to just state where you stand on these things. rather than trying to please everybody. That's your opinion. That's what you think. And guys, you're free to take it or leave it.

Yeah, I'm not like it's a zero judgment podcast, so I'm not going to judge you. But I am in menopause. I have a menopause of rage. And there is a chance that I could any day now take an iPhone up a child and give out to a parent. And you've also seen the impact of the screens for kids coming into school having been on screens a lot. They're having the fine motor movement isn't there. They can't even pick up a crayon. It's like that's not right.

You're not doing your job as a parent. Come on. Play with your child. Yeah. I mean, it is a battle, but we're all in it together. Do you seem worried for me? Hopefully, Honey of Rooney, our kid can be a help to you over the course of this year. Make sure to subscribe.

Give us a bit of a review on whatever platform you're on. Maybe not today if I've annoyed you at the screen. I don't think you'll have annoyed many. I think there'll be just as many who, and you might. might need to put a review saying that we actually agree on the screen thing. It is, it is a work in progress at all times. It really is. Really is.

And I'm trying not to judge. It never ends. Yeah. Guys, thank you so much, Tina. Thanks so much for making the time to record this. And we will see you all in two weeks time. Okay. Love you here.