Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - My Kid Is Rude As Hell! My Kid Cries All The Time! My Kid Is Acting Strangely

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

You think your Mammy is interfering in your life? Well Mathew McConaughey's Ma is leaking stories to the press! We kick off this week's episode with a look into this story and which movies you should watch with your kids. Three great questions that throw up all sorts of issues on this week's show. Come and see Jarlath's new standup show too! We can about life on the road and where you can find us this week.Question 1- Babies cry, we all know this. Their cries are so important. How else can they communicate discomfort, hunger or tiredness? But what do you do if your baby is always crying, if they genuinely seem unhappy all the time? Is it normal for a baby to continuously cry or do you need extra help? Question 2- Nothing can prepare you for dealing with teenagers. They barely know how to cope with themselves. Between hormones and growth spurts they are under fuelled and over tired. But can this excuse the rudeness. And when does it cross the line between cheeky to disrespectful. Can you step in when it's not your kid?Question 3- When your child starts exhibiting worrying behaviour such as violence towards animals and anger towards you - what should you do? In our final question a mother presents a very complicated situation and Tina attempts to dig into what might be happening. Is a meeting with the teacher the best answer? How do make these meetings more amicable and avoid accusations?Thank you for listening in to another episode of Honey You’re Ruining Our kid. You are not on your own. We are all in this together. Email any worried or questions into [e-mail].  For all Jar's tour dates in Ireland, the UK, USA and Australia visit www.jigser.com/gigs

Matthew McConaughey's mother is at it again. Hello and welcome to Honey or Rooney our kid, the parenting podcast from the Irishman of Broad Podcast Network with me, Charlotte Regan. And me, Tina Regan's here. And she's the one that brought Matthew McConaughey's mammy to our attention. I have no idea. Well, I also love the way Matthew is. You're a forgiving person, obviously.

Because, like, you know, they actually stopped talking for eight years. Over his mammy being a pain in the hoop. Well, I don't know if he'd call his mom a pain in the hoop. But she was like leaking stories to the press and inviting the press into the home. Is it leaking when it's literally a proud mother going, well, you're not going to leave what he's done now? Well, it is when he tells you something in confidence and you ring the newspaper and tell them, what your son did. I doubt she rang the newspaper. She did, Jarl. Look it up.

No. Yeah, they fell out for eight years. So she rang up the Leinster leader and would be like, I've got a great story about my son and I'd love you to report it. Even though he was like, man, I don't. Yes. Like, I've always maintained that that is the major contradiction with, among many contradictions with Irish mommies, is so rigid on so many things.

Yeah. Except confidentiality. Is she an Irish mommy? I don't know. He's Irish. I think she is. I don't know. I think she is an Irish mommy. I'm not sure. But like now she lives with them and like she's 96 years old. So when was this happening? This was at the peak.

At the peak of his career. When he was like I don't think a lot of listeners will remember it. In 1996, this man was the heart drop. Yeah. A Time to Kill was the movie that really blew the doors off for him. And still to this day, I look at that hair and I think, man. doing something right his hair I've been thrown so much McConaughey stuff

for some reason because I keep talking about him and her phones are listening in her sleep no response she's like

well I also look I just think Maconnie if his voice wasn't so annoying he actually gives out such good advice sometimes like he found that in voice

annoying oh my god his voice is so annoying I'm just like stop it but you know obviously his wife's a really nice person because somehow this relationship with his mom got mended and i don't think that happens on its own and his wife also is perfectly fine with that lady living with them and i follow

his wife on instagram and she does a lot of stuff with his mom that's really sweet so i think that's amazing but also his other life advice that i love is that matchy mccani he said you should sleep in the smallest double bed you can find and that is the key to a happy marriage and i actually really believe that Spoken like a man who doesn't have a child trying to get into the bed as well, although that would probably stop the child trying to get in as well because there's no room. Yeah, true. But I think that's really good advice. I do. Smallest bed possible, maximum snuggles possible.

Yeah, I do. I think all the way. I wonder does his wife agree with this? Probably not. She's like, he's so hot in the bed. He's a very hot man in every sense. She's a very hot wife. Two videos that were sent to me about McGahnie was him at Oasis him.

Wembley having the ear burned off and by some lad standing next to him just talking in his ear and he's like all right but shut up I'm trying to watch the concert and the other one was about him deciding not to do rom-coms and

yeah trying to get taken serious and eventually he did he did that Dallas Byers Club was the movie that really changed his oh and he lost all the way and that changed him completely as a person too he never quite got back to his

beautifulness am I allowed to say that But the mammy thing. I keep saying that. I'm so old now. Why don't say that? Just to come back around to the mammy thing because, you know, this is a primary email that we get about the over the shoulder or doing things that you're like, you can't really control your parents, as we all know. No, we can't control what they do or say to you. We shouldn't.

We have to respect them. No, of course not. They're free to do whatever they want. But McConaughey's maw was literally making his life really difficult by breaking these agreements where you're. he had to be quiet about it. And I've watched the interviews with them presently. Like they're going around promoting maybe a book or something. It's his poems and prayers, Tina.

Oh, is that really? His book of poems and prayers coming out. Okay. All right. Oh, no, stop it. You're so annoying, Charlotte. But she, like, laughs. Like, they're able to laugh about it.

That's amazing. Like, they're laughing the press into his bedroom. Yeah, he said he had people like Tom Cruise ringing him going, your mom's at it again. And he'd be like, oh my God, Ma, stop. Matty, it's Tom. Like, that's crazy. Listen, have you got a minute there?

Listen, you're maz at it again. Now, you're going to need to wind her in. That's actually Tom Cruise's real accent. That was the sound of me drinking. Oh, my God, you're a stop. Stop again. How are you getting on now, come? This is my life, by the way.

I asked Charlotte to stop doing something and he never stop. There's no way. You don't. Let us know, please. How are you getting on now, come? My God. Mattie here. I'm in the middle of something. This is very self-indultuous.

Fine. What is it? It's your mother. She's after. Inviting the press into the bedroom again. My teenage bed. All my teenage stuff is all over the world. I can't believe you're still going on. No, you're actually in a bad mood.

I don't want to do the podcast anyway. We've got amazing questions for you this week, including the rude teenager. The rudeness. The rudeness. I don't think anything prepares you for teenagers I know I know I honestly think every person who works in a secondary school is an angel

they need hoax We also talk about movies you need to watch with your kids Yeah well if we're saying that we need to remember to do it Because we're always going to them Then we're going to talk about this And then we'd never bloody do it This new Killian Murphy movie Steve on Netflix lads Get it into you watch it yourselves first

I mean it's not suitable for every teenager There is certain topics and areas covered, but it certainly will teach a certain amount of appreciation to a kid above the age of 15th. We also, Tina, what are the other questions we have on the bill this week? Well, there is a lovely single mom got in touch just wondering how she gets a behavior under control. And then there is, oh my God, I can't remember it because my brain is mush now.

Yeah. There's another question in there too. Oh, that's actually really worrying. They won't stop crying. I won't stop crying. Yeah, that's terrible. Are they a winger or is there something else going on? Is there something actually wrong?

Yeah. How was your week, Tina? I asked Tina this, pointing out in this, current stand-up that I'm creating. Creating the new tour, Gas Man is a brand-new stand-up show than writing at the moment. He has me work to the bone. And one of the aspects of it is me realizing that Tina and I are never a part. This is one of the reasons that Tina's learning to drive so that she can get that away from me. No, it's so embarrassing.

Imagine that. I'm 43 and I can't drive. Plenty of people have learned a lot later. They've learned a lot later. I doubt it. But I'm getting there, getting there slowly. But we're never apart. So when I ask, how was your week? I know how your week was.

I was there the whole time. But I do know, I was actually really sick. We went to the EU and I must have picked up a bug on the plane. Because everyone was disgusting on that plane. Do you remember them? Yeah, it wasn't great. And my God, I've not been as sick in a long time. And I was saying to Jarla today, okay, I'm really like feeling sorry for myself here because

Jarrah didn't give me any pity that, uh, I'm so tired. Even just walking to the door, I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. This is the, this is the reality parenting, isn't it? When you get sick, you just have to plow on. Yeah, the reality of being a wife as well. Yeah. I mean, although I did take to the bed for the first time my whole life. That's how sick I was. I gave you a half a day off. That's how sick I was. I was like, I actually have to go to bed. And what did you do? What did I do? You rang me. Oh, when you were having the lie down.

I said, I can't actually stay awake. I got to go have a lie down. I didn't read that text. No, I said that to your face. Oh, I didn't listen. I literally went up the first time in my whole life I've ever done it. That's how unwell I felt. She hates naps.

And Jarlett was like, Tina, can you get back down here? We need to do this. And I was like, oh my God. I'm just like, I'm not feeling well. That happened. That happened in my life, guys. I'll make it up. you, Tina. It's our anniversary this week. I hope you know it's a very important one, 16. That's the

male focused one. Jarla keeps messing that this is the male focused anniversary. All the other anniversaries are for the lady and you spoil around. It's kind of a win because you've stolen my joke because I used to always be like, this, a very special anniversary. And now you've stolen my joke. Because obviously it's not a special anniversary, but now Gerald's like, this is the male one. Let's get down to these questions. If you have a question for Tina, she has a course 20 years of experience working with children with severe behavioral issues of all kinds and in early learning. It's honey, you are ruining our kid at gmail.com. Tina and Jarre, just wondering if anyone else who listens to your podcast thinks they have

the world's most unhappy child. Mine cries all the time. I've counted seven times since you woke up this morning and it's only 9 a.m. She's been like this since about five months. I'm so emotionally exhausted and feel like it's affecting our bond now as I don't want to be around her. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells 24-7 and if I breathe in the wrong direction she'll burst into tears. She's now 13 months old and it's still the same. Plus she's extremely clingy. Feel like I'm the only one in the world with a baby this difficult and the length it's going it's going and the length of time it's going on for can't even say it's just a phase as it's basically been her whole life i feel terrible even saying this and that's why i love that

i can email the show in confidence please help yeah well i mean my spidey senses just feel like there's something else going on there you know like that's not normal for a child to cry that much so they're not just an unhappy either way you'd hear a lot of kind of older generation parents saying that's just who they are yeah no that's not right I mean the poor baby would be exhausted

from all that crying it'd be hurting its throat and everything I feel like you know the first protocol is always the doctor or the health nurse you got to get them to take you seriously I mean it's really Have you seen this before?

I have seen kids who can't stop crying and some of them it's a really bad reflux issue and some of them did eventually stop and there was actually nothing wrong and I couldn't believe that like one particular kid I'd never seen a kid cry like that in my life they just always seem to be crying but by the time they were three they had stopped doing that and I actually thought I really did think there's an additional need there and it doesn't seem to me so but this feels like there's an additional need here she didn't mention if the kid has siblings would that play a part that like the kid feels the

need to cry for attention i mean like there's so many things right there's so many things like maybe the kid has a little pain you know that they can't articulate she didn't say if when they comfort the baby does the baby stop crying um they could be really hungry some kids are just really hungry and the recommended uh intake for their food just isn't enough and you need to up it Like so many moms are so strict now and dads, they're so to the book, to the gram. And it's like, every child is different. That's a generalization in that book. And you got to judge your own kid.

But like my instincts day and definitely from working with very small children in this, you know, in behavioral area, I feel there's something else going on here. And I feel like she needs to go to the doctor and flag this. I mean, I wouldn't be doing my job on this podcast if I didn't. suggest that it is possible that they're just a whiny little fecker Okay There's no way the child is That's what this mom is afraid of

I do love when you push back Would you say whiny little feckers do exist Oh yeah some kids You know there can be that child is just a bit unhappy And sometimes that can be from something That happened at the very start Like they got underfed You know they're a little bit stressed

To the whole time that Oh I'm not going to be fed again and I'm going to feel really hungry. You know, and that can just happen. Like, the poor moms and dads are trying their best. And, but, like, I just feel this going on every day. Yeah. Seven outbursts of tears before 9 a.m. is a lot.

Yeah. And I just feel like, well, what, how is the mom interacting with the kid? Because, you know, it's really important to greet your kid in the morning from a nap with a big smile. You are modeling how you want them to be. so maybe you know I do think there sounds like there's additional need here but if there isn't maybe just reflect on well how

how does my face look when I'm looking at my child what emotions are I am I showing my child does my child feel like I'm happy to see them what's the mood in the house yeah like because they are they are going to soak up your energy and they're going to model what you're doing but I don't know I really feel like this question is a little bit out of my league

and I think she needs to go to the doctor I just feel like there must be something wrong. When as someone, when you're trying to teach a child like that, how hard is that in the classroom when you've got a kid? Because if we go a bit further from this particular case, right? And we look at someone else is listening to this now going, oh, all I'm getting back from the preschool is that my child can't cope with his turn ending. Yeah.

Yeah, well, that's just power for the course in the earlier's classroom, yeah. Yeah, because a lot of people would still be like, oh, you can't say now it's time for dinner without them losing the plot and being like, it's not fair. Yeah, well, that comes down to something that we always say, giving the child warnings, letting them know, you know, in five minutes, it's going to be dinner time. And then, so then when you say it's dinner time, it's not a massive shock and they're not like, but I'm in the middle of a puzzle. This is so unfair. In the classroom, I mean, it's all about saying, oh, you're crying. I can see you're upset. What happened?

You know, not making them ever feel shame for the crying. And like, and the hardest part of that is when they first come into the classroom, all of these kids are coming from different homes where crying has been dealt with in different ways. So it's actually the kids who begin to regulate each other. And sometimes that can be what makes it whole worse. Because some kids will be like, what are you crying about? or cup on, you know, like whatever they've heard, they'll say to another child and make the situation work.

So it's really important that you get in there and model better language. It really makes me think of this new Killian Murphy movie, this question. But this is a babbook. Yes, but like the movie is called Steve. It's on Netflix now. Yeah, very powerful. He's been out and about promoting it a lot. You probably saw him on Graham Norton talking about it.

And, you know, it's so deftly done. about this home for school it's not a home it's a school for troubled teens yeah it's a residential home for kids who have nowhere else to go but the way it's written is you know I clearly there's more going on in the background and I think it's a valuable thing for anybody to watch whatever age your kids are but just in terms of understanding and being empathetic yeah to what young people are going through. They're like, we've all sat in a restaurant and going, what's the problem with that kid?

Yeah, there's always a reason. There's always something else. I fully believe that. Like, a kid is never just crying for the sake of crying. There's always a reason. And I thought that movie was super powerful because what it really did a good job of showing is that all of these kids felt rejected

by the people who were supposed to love them. Yeah. And the impact on that on a kid is, oh my god it's so hard to even explain to somebody the detrimental effect that can have on a child i remember working with a kid who was totally molly coddled by their mother they were the baby they were everything and at this point the baby was eight years old yeah then that mother has another baby and doesn't like completely rejects this child for all like i'm not even being harsh saying that like complete rejection took place and this kid went from being like a little quiet very like shy obviously way

too dependent on their mom to like absolute all the behaviors you can imagine like acting out in every single way you can think of because rejection was so strong and their hearts they were crumbling inside and it was just really awful to see think about how you behaved when you got broken up with yeah you're a kid and it's your mom your dad breaking up with you that way it's um heartening then for this mom who emails in or anybody that emails the show that like you care you are if you're listening to this show yeah you care about your kids yeah and give yourself a break that way and think like there's so many people that aren't even willing to do what you're doing now some people are listening to the

show just to laugh about the fact that they don't have kids and listen to people with all their problems But, like, I think that it's worth saying in this question, that people are so unbelievably hard on themselves as parents nowadays. Big time, big time. Absolutely. And we're looking around the child and trying to figure absolutely every aspect of them out. And actually, the notion of is our child happy? That's a new phenomenon, parents actually reflecting on, well, how is my child doing?

And, and I mean, maybe we're, you know, we're all doing that a bit too much. Yeah, because happy, like, I remember going to a therapist too once and saying, I just want everybody to be happy. Yeah. And she was like, say that out loud again. Yeah. I just want everybody to be happy. And she was like, that's never happened in the history of the world. Yeah.

And never will happen. So, you know, the notion of is my child happy? Yeah. You know, it needs to be couching the idea that. That's fleeting. There'll be moments or they're happy. And there's going to be a lot of the time. I'm not like turning into a Swifty. But Taylor Swift said it really well on Graeme Norton this weekend.

She's like, hey, happiness is not something that is going to just happen. We have to work towards and create our own happiness. And I was like, yeah, go Taylor. I really love that. And I would disagree with her in terms of that thing. I'm working towards my happiness. To me, like I always go towards this thing, that it's actually, it's not pursuit of happiness it's the happiness in the pursuit it's finding something that you enjoy doing

things you enjoy that's a man who's nearly 50 saying that charlotte's face literally just turn 45 sorry charlie oh well kind of um fitting that after that level of rudeness from my wife that we're now going to be talking about those rude 13-year-olds I, Tina and Jarlet I'm in touch I'm getting in touch about my 13-year-old nephew

he's so rude I don't know what to do about it as I'm not as parent my child is at the same age and I find that my nephew is so unkind and expects way too much for my son how do I set up

some sort of boundaries here Or is his behavior none of my business, and I should just whine your knacken, as my granny would say. Please help. It's a great question. It's a great question. We have had questions on the show before about this kid is rude. My kid is learning from this and that concern, but not really in terms of 13-year-olds, because that's a real age, isn't it? I don't think there's much they can do.

They can't police other people's kids. Even when they're in your house by themselves. But you know what the hard bit there is? You're deciding that they see you as the really grumpy strict auntie instead of the fun auntie who loves you unconditionally. It's really hard because you love your child so much, but you also love your nephew, of course. You can't talk to the parents about it.

That just never goes down well. but I think you can who can your arm you can definitely encourage your own child not to put up with it because they shouldn't be putting up with that stuff anyway

and if they're rude to your kid you should definitely have them being able to say go home if you're like that and don't talk to me like that that go home aspect is something I remember vividly from my own childhood

shout out to Stephen McCann who lived next door to me and was like I lived in the countryside So next door was a cycle up the road. And I definitely would send him home when he was acting out. That's such bad for him. You just said. But he had so far to go.

Ah, it was half a mile. Okay. Like, I was like I was sending him 10 miles up the road. But like, we cycle to each other. His house is in all kinds of weather. I remember cycling back from his house in a blizzard. I also remember getting hit in the face with a gun. golf ball by him.

Oh, my God. Storming out of his house. Oh, really? What had happened there was I was standing behind a bush with my golf club and he said, watch this. And you stormed out. I stuck my head around the corner of the bush and he locked me right in the temple with this ball.

Not on purpose. Well, you little cranky fellow. Tina, this, I don't have a great recollection of what took place. I might not have been in my right mind. But he wasn't a rude lad, although he did punch my dad in the stomach once. Well, but that wasn't a real kind of heavy Mr. Regan. And he gave him a little dig.

But he'd obviously seen that on the telly, but he caught my dad. My dad doubled over and was on his knees on the ground. That's the kind of kid I would love. It is worth bearing that in mind, though. And this is why I bring it up. It's like, Steve McCann's gone on to be a great guy's manager. He's in retail.

And, you know, we're in touch a little bit. But I always think it's so funny that, you know, when they're 13, you think, oh, this is who this person is. Yes. They're not a person. No. They're not a person. They're not even people. I mean, this is a state of flux.

Well, and also, you're finding them annoying, but they're finding themselves annoying. Like, they don't know how to cope with themselves. And remind you, you being able to cope with them. Teenagers are hard. But, uh, I don't know. Is they're funny themselves annoying? What do you mean? Well, like, I think teenagers have a terrible time.

Yeah, there's a certain. of self-loathing you mean yeah yeah but what i'm trying to get at there is that this two will pass this two will pass that they're they're not always going to be that way even though it does seem like an eternity while it's taking place i mean i do think the auntie is able to say to him if he's rude to her in the moment to be able to go don't talk to me like that that's not okay that's a bit disrespectful that's fine but you can't lay down the law really can you so i always go back to this book that I read, the one book that I've read

about teenagers. Well, I've read a few. Lucky for me, you stop quoting it every day. For a while there, I was like, I'm going to soak that book up your arms. If you have teenagers, I recommend the book how to talk to teenagers so they will listen and how to listen to teenagers so they will talk. Even the title itself tells you what you're getting into here. It has all kinds of life acts around.

My teenager won't tell me. They won't open up, which is really common. Yes. It's got some great life acts in terms of how to draw them out, situations to put them in, to let them feel that this is a safe place to talk and that you're not going to hammer them. Well, I have a new theory that teenagers are genuinely so tricky and tough to parent that it's actually on purpose that nature has made it that way. So that when they go off to university or leave the house, you're, you're not actually sad. That's a very interesting theory, Professor Dina.

You're delighted to get rid. Yeah, you're like, yeah, feck of, he little ungrateful guy. I think that the book would say on this one, that the lightness of touch is what's needed here. The book would say, if they're rude to you, you have to be ready to go. And the award for most mannerly child goes to and then laugh. Yeah. And they'll be like, wow, I can't get over how incredibly respectful you are to me and kind of have that laugh about it. It's so funny, it goes back to Steve.

And the way that Killian Murphy portrays this counsellor is that, you know, having a levity in how you're coping with them. Like, I'm literally just asking you to be a bit nicer to me. Yeah, and he was brilliant. He did such a good job. Like, I've worked in those schools and he definitely betrayed the best of them. But being a figure who can laugh with the kid is something that we can lose as parents of teenagers. Yeah. Who, you know, when they're being ridiculous, you have to be ready to go.

Come on now. Let's be real here. You have to fill a water bottle before you leave. You won't survive without water. And I think they're so used to people and parents and coaches saying wagging the finger that you can actually catch them off guard. Okay, Jared. That's great advice. A little bit.

I finally got one, guys. I love it. I'm going to try that too. Okay. We'll give it a go. It's obviously not the answer to everything, is it though? keep your teenage questions coming in because there's so many people

who are really at a loss when it comes to this age, myself included. I can think of one movie that you definitely shouldn't watch with your teenager for your kid is. One battle after another, Leo DiCaprio.

Oh my God. Okay, great movie. I know it's been overhyped, but it actually is very good. But watching, I sat beside Mikey. Yeah. And opening 15 The opening 15 are super sexual

And that was uncomfortable for me And I try and be woke that way I try to be like cool, I'm cool with this I was not cool with that I was like this too much I don't like it let me out of here And when you say you try to be woke Well I try to be like

I mean as in I try to be that mom Who's not like grossed out I'm grossed out by most things Darry you know this about me Yeah. And I try. And all things sexual. Yeah.

You're grossed out by your own body. I am grossed out. Thank you, darling. That's nice you to share that. Thank you. That's cool. So nice. I've cut that out.

It's okay. I don't mind. I am gross. But most Irish people think themselves to be gross. Yeah. And I do. I do. And so I'm trying not to raise my son that way.

And in that regard, I try to be cool about it all. and I'm not. So that was pretty uncomfortable. Good maybe, but, uh, yeah, maybe's great. You don't want to bring your 14 year old kids and sit there. No, yeah, maybe, yeah. But I thought that Steve, like actually, like Mikey said it as well, that was a better movie. I don't want to overhype Steve either because I want people to go see it.

I thought it was brilliant. It's just, like wizard. The whole staffs, the whole cast, not staff. I'm so caught up on the school. element of it are incredible i'd really like to read the book actually because the book is based on shy the kid who was really troubled one of the characters in it but this is this again ties into our final question it's a biggie this is a big question and it is around when you see behaviors in your child that you're like oh oh good oh god is this is this who they are now yeah yeah so tina and

Jonathan, I'm in a desperate need for advice. My four-year-old daughter has been having some serious behavioural issues lately and it's really starting to scare me. I should probably start with saying I'm a single mom and I currently live with my mother who's basically the second parent to her and as she only sees her dad maybe once a week. Also important to mention that she is the only grandchild and has been incredibly spoiled and loved by everyone in her family. I have a brother, a sister who are more doting and loving than your typical aunt and uncle, probably to make up for her dad and not really being in her life. To get to the point, in the past year or so, I've noticed some anger issues with her, especially when not getting what she wants. But in the past couple of

months, it's gotten so much worse. I've noticed her being mean or too rough with pets a couple of times and then laughs when I say something, yells at me, hits me, says mean things like, I don't love view anymore. None of this type of behavior is ever something she sees from other people in the household. It may not be the most typical or developmentally living, develop or developmentally living situation, but for the most part, we are fairly happy and functional. I just don't know what to do. It seems like all she cares about is having our toys taking away. That's the only thing that She cares about it. That's the only, yeah.

She doesn't care about timeouts. I've tried gentle parenting, Ruda. She just yells and screams at me or just doesn't hear what I'm saying to her at all. I've just, I'm just scared of how she's turning out and really hoping that her being the only grandchild and being so spoiled early in life hasn't done permanent damage to her. Also, I wish I knew where the anger was coming from and how I can help her to understand the concept of self-control, regulating herself. I know kids are not good at this or even capable of it, but the level of anger in such a young child is so scary.

Also, I need to mention she recently changed schools, left her daycare she was at since she was one and so far has had a bad experience at her new school. Her teacher was fired after three weeks for a multitude of reasons. also told me there have been some incidents at school where kids weren't nice to her and at first I believed her but then the other day we had an incident where she was blatantly mean to a little boy at the park and it was so horrifying as she has never done anything like that before so it is making me question if she's causing the issues with school and instead of the other way around at her previous school she never had any issues like that was always told she was well-behaved and not to everyone. So yeah, the anger has been a small thing for a little while, but not to this level. And the meanness to people and animals is completely new. I feel like I've completely failed as a mother and failed her. I just want to teach her to regulate her anger and how I can help her be happier and healthier. It also scares me because depression and mental health problems run in the family. Thank you in advance, Tina. And I hope you guys can help. Okay. So that

That's the real concern here, right? Because the whole time you're reading it, I was just like, she sounds like she's hyper-alert to her child's emotional needs. And that hyper-alertness obviously comes from a fear of not seeing the signs that maybe she thinks weren't seen early enough in somebody else in her family. And, like, she just sounds like an incredible human-ness mom. Like, she really is single moms, first of all, I don't know how they do it.

I just think these women just are... She sounds like she's got a great village. Yeah, she does and she's grateful for it. And I mean, oh my God, there's so many things don't pick there. Can I throw in a couple at the start, right? Okay. Things that jump out at me. You know, and she says she's never this.

She's never that. She's never done this. You only get to see a portion of your child's life. You don't get to see the in-school life. And to me, that teacher, I want to know more about that teacher and what those issues were. Well, teachers don't get fired, so it has to have been awful. Teachers, it's impossible to fire a teacher. So that, that to me is, if I was CSI Miamiing this, be like, what was she seeing from that teacher? Yeah. And what was that teacher allowing to take place in the classroom? Because, I mean, unless, I mean, I can't even think of a way a teacher could get fired. It's so hard to fire a teacher. And it has to have been verbal abuse. or actual physical abuse that was witnessed because I just don't know, you know, it's just they get redeployed. They get moved to another school. Getting fired means they're not allowed to be a teacher

anymore. Yeah. So that's, you know, if you're looking for root cause, like she's, she's obviously concerned that this is out of nowhere. Yeah. Well, I mean, it is a, it is a natural thing at this age for, right? I mean, think about it. She's from a single mom family and she lives with her grandparents and all this thing is normal to her until she starts school. Until she starts, like sometimes I think, why do they do it? You know, the curriculum is always our home, our house is the start of the curriculum in September. Our unit, our family, everyone's family's different. But sometimes the way that's rolled out, depending on the teacher, can really just raise concerns in kids that they're,

family is a bit different. Now, that child might never, ever, ever have realized that daddies live in other people's houses sometimes, you know, or that, you know, sometimes the mommy and daddy arose around. And that could, that can be a lot on a kid if they're not prepared fully for the fact that, you know, your situation is unusual. It's not normal. Well, you know, I don't like using that word, but it is unusual for the mom and dad not to be with the kid and she's only learning that and it is why really never know why it's the first thing they learn about when they go into early years on the curriculum yeah but um you're telling me that kids in circle will reveal all sorts of things all sorts of things and kids will laugh at each other

for all sorts of things yeah you're teaching them etiquette and listening skills and you know respect but i do think there's an element of that that she's an awareness has come on to her that her life's a little bit different and there's an unfairness to her life that she wasn't aware of before, especially if her dad isn't involved to that. That can be very hard when suddenly you're seeing families all the time. I'm not saying that's the reason, but it can be a little bit element of it. Also, I think she just needs very clear rules on what is okay and what's not okay. Like the mom has observed her being unkind animals. That needs to be snapped out. That's not okay. Well, yeah, well, like, yeah, maybe I don't know if she sounds like she'd be receptive to that yet she doesn't sound like a very mature

four-year-old because she's not on top of her emotions what about the um the spoiling like what where do you see that in this because she's concerned about that yeah and you know when we talk about gobshites and narcissists uh they're created yes and it wouldn't help in that the child would feel like it doesn't matter what they do they get what they want anyway And that's not consciously, like the child's not a little, you know, evil genius going, ha, ha, ha, I'll do whatever I want. I'll still get a Barbie or whatever window into what I would like. I said too much.

Yeah. But like she doesn't feel like she needs to earn anything because she's being showered, which is beautiful. It's lovely that she's in such a loving family. But yeah, it's not helping the mom at all. now the easiest thing for this mom to start doing is working on the emotions and feelings it's very important that this child is allowed to be angry because there's anger there and you need to name it and understand it and that'll move to calmness and eventual you know happiness or stillness in themselves but it's please and we're all learning this please don't tell your child it's not okay to be angry angry is super important it is some it is a way of working through stuff it is absolutely okay to feel like some things aren't right some things aren't fair and the reaction to that is the reaction you're having in your body it's helping our kids cope with that feeling I cope with how they express that feeling this little girl needs a lot

of work on her emotions she needs to feel safe and talking what's the book that you always are bad oh well I love the color monster absolutely adore the color monster perfect for this age group perfect and it's the pop-up book I would go for. And in the pop-a-book, they have activities that you can set up in your house really easily. But I definitely think this mom needs the support of the teacher. You need to go into the school, sit down and say everything you've just told us in the email to that teacher. You need support now because you don't want this becoming a fixed behavior. Colour Monsters available pretty much everywhere by Anna L-L-L-E-N-E-A-S. And, you know, it's it's an incredible book that Tina's recommended time and time again.

Well, it speaks to children in a way that is very clear. It really does help them understand. You know, honestly, it does scream to me that this child might need a sensory diet. You know, there might be just a lot going on in terms of her inside feelings. Where would they get that? Well, you can just look up sensory diet on, you can Google it. Okay. And what you will be presented with is a little.

list of different kind of exercises for different kinds of sensory needs and what you can do if you have the time is try out try out the different exercises until you find the ones that work for your kids these would be rolling brushing pushing squeezing you know and when you find the ones that help them and you you can recognize it straight away the ones that calm them down and the ones that don't because somebody sensory exercises if they're wrong will actually stimulate instead of calming right what about a meeting with the teacher i just said that you're not listening to me oh i'm sorry it's okay like uh when you're going into that meeting i guess this is i'm sorry i didn't catch you saying that but i always worry about sending somebody in i need a meeting with the teacher

you got to be very careful of how you approach you're feeling attacked and feeling like well like I haven't been telling you everything but your kid is a bit of a nightmare and them saying something that upsets you in the moment when you're in there and you're not feeling hurt like what's the best approach in saying I need the meeting saying what it's about and then going in there without the guns blazing well I just said in regards to this person they should very much go in and just lay their cards on the table the way they did in the email you know You can't get fairer than a parent going in and saying, I've noticed something with my kid, is it happening here?

I don't know what to do. Well, every parent is embarrassed, every single one of them. Nobody likes telling somebody they're not coping or there's something. Like, she worries there's something wrong with her kid. Like, your teacher is there to support you and your child. And if your child is causing hassle in the classroom, going in and approaching the teacher and saying, I need help.

We're struggling at home. It's actually going to hopefully make that teacher be way more empathetic to your child when they act out. Wow. Well, Tina, what a thorough answer. 15 minute question. He didn't listen to have, but you didn't. Well, I was looking up the Color Monster book. Thank you very much.

Color Monster will have that in the info as well. Thanks guys for listening in. Thanks for sharing our podcast. Thank you for telling other people about it. And honestly, thank you for coming up to me at shows and saying you, listen to the podcast. I'm getting a bit better at not going, oh, no, Jesus. Charlotte loves it because I just, I turn into a mush. When people come up to her. This week we'll be in Dundrum at the Dunlary Rathdowne Mill Theatre

for two nights. Then Monaghan in the garage, there's a couple of tickets left for that. Then we're off to Wexford-Spigel Tent. Oh, when's that? For the final performance of In-Bits. That is on the 16th. I'll be dropping into Wicklow to do a little spot to work with some new stuff. Then on to Bally Buffet in Duny Galle. Oh, really good planning there. Wexford, Wicklow, Duny Gaw. Yeah, yeah.

We've got just so happy I have a great manager. Oh, yeah, that's my job. We're going to three nights in the spirit store in Dundalk. Those are all sold out, but we have got a couple of tickets left for Chicago at the Den Theater in the 29th of 30th of October. pretty much everything else is I'm genuinely really afraid about going to Chicago

I was awake from half three last night worrying about it yeah I was that's my treat well people of Chicago come out

take care of us I will also be in Australia in November I can't believe we're going to Australia for two weeks Melbourne

at the Pams Casino the 13th Sydney at the Enmore Theatre then I'll fly to Auckland in New Zealand for one night at Sky City then onto Brisbane and Perth Now there's only a few tickets left for each of these shows

And these really are the last performances of Inbits Then it's onto the brand new tour Gas Man Which we are workshopping at the moment And it's been so much fun That starts in Belfast at the waterfront On the 3rd of January And then onto the TF Royal

In Castle Bar Yeah and those factories have not promoted it yet they are promoting it the promotion starts this week guys thanks so much Tina thank you so much thank you jar I love you it's also our anniversary this week

oh we said that already sorry we did the male focused anniversary I let you guys know how it goes next time two weeks time two weeks time okay thanks so much thank you