Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - My Kid Won't Poo! Help For Anxious kids & The Bedwetter - S2E24

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

Welcome back to another episode of Honey You’re Ruining Our kid. Slightly delayed episode this week but totally worth the wait. We have a new segment as Jarlath starts this week's episode with some of the weirdest shit of the week. From being Papped to children on planes to saving a kid from drowning - this episode is great craic and has heaps of helpful information regardless of what relationship you have with the kids in your life.Question 1- If you have a kid who is struggling with anxiety don't worry an all too common problem for our children these days. A wonderfully generous mother has gotten in touch with a portfolio of help for us all. How do we help our kids push through? Should we make our kids push through? Are we actually building resilience by forcing our kids to take part or are we adding to the problem. All of us are flying blind when it comes to equipping our children for this modern world so it’s so incredibly helpful when parents come together to pool their resources. Question 2-Bed wetting is everyone’s nightmare problem. Nothing makes a morning more stressful than additional showers, more laundry and mattresses hanging out windows in an effort to get them dry for round 2, later that night. How can we help our kids get through the night without having an accident? I believe a consistent plan is key, but how can an already very tired parent push through with a consistent plan? Is the return of some sleep motivation enough? Question 3- Everybody poops but goodness is it stressful when your kid starts refusing to. Holding onto their poos is a very common early childhood problem. How can we help our kids navigate this uncomfortable phase.  When they are teeney tiny we absolutely encourage you to bring them to the GP. Is there anything else that can help?Thank you for tuning in to this weeks episode of Honey You’re Ruining Our kid. Pop on over to Patreon for the extra bits. www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad to join up in a few clicks - help us continue the podcast and get bonus episodes on American and fitness.Email us anytime at [e-mail]. Our links mentioned in podcast. https://www.katieodonoghueart.com/workhttps://www.ispcc.ie/helping-your-child-cope-with-anxiety-ispcc-with-author-katie-odonoghue/https://www.ispcc.ie/how-space-from-anxiety-can-help-children-teens-and-parents/

there really is a hell of a lot of weird stuff in the world today weird is one word for it just plain wrong is the other uh i definitely have seen some weird stuff this week that's why we've got a new section called weird stuff we've seen this week t, what was the weirdest thing you saw this week? What was the weirdest? Oh my God. So sorry. Weirdest and loveliest. The mom at Luton Airport who was like a full-blown children entertainer for her two very tiny kids. On the flight. From five in the morning.

We were down there at five, yeah. Till around nine o'clock. Not one time did she break characters. She didn't any point go okay now darling mommy needs to drink a coffee thank you she was incredible like she was amazing and like did her kids deserve her i'm not sure her little girl definitely deserved her but the little boy oh my god i like, your mom's amazing. Be nicer. The girl went to sleep. Yeah.

First we heard of this mom at the airport was her going, and I was like, what? Yeah, we were like. Everybody looked around and she goes, there's airplanes out the window. Yeah. Little boy is like, oh, look, it's a big green one. And then she. That went on.

And she picked him up and flew him around the airport. Flew him around the airport I was like I loved her immediately it was five in the morning and dad was trying to tighten the lid on a bottle

and we were so lucky because as it happens when we got on the plane they were sitting behind us and you were the luckiest because you got to feel

the shape of that child's feet and your back the whole way i'm still wearing heat bags yeah but um they were so cute i couldn't be upset with them they were so cute at a certain point though oh no i couldn't she was louder than the kids yes i just felt for her because she was trying so hard she was sitting in the middle of the madness dad was over on his own row dad is living his own life i was like oh my god this day weekend on

international women's day um yeah it was international women's day yeah just raise a question though right if you're taking your kids to the airport i said to you on the plane the mistake that i would think she's made not that everybody's making mistakes yeah but the the oversight was not preparing the kids for when we're on the plane everybody's going to be really tired we have to be quiet it was very obvious that the kids didn't know what was happening or how long the plane was going to take and that they couldn't get off the plane in the air like the little guy started demanding to be let off the plane like screaming it i turned around to him and said we all do buddy yeah you didn't you in your head with your eyes with my eyes um but yeah no it was very clear

that well full respect for this mom i was so impressed by her the whole time her day would have been a lot easier if she had gone through what's happening next or even just in a little visual schedule that she could whip out and go remember i told you this is what happening now this is what's happening next but at the same time like we're probably only thinking about ourselves here because those kids were happy as larry well the little boy wasn't jared he screamed he'd been entertained by children's entertainer for three years and like he was screaming and shouting so much that i was i was like your mom's amazing like she literally couldn't be doing more for you yeah but she's obviously so amazing all the time that he was just used to

amazingness did you know what the weirdest thing for me was this week sorry i was afraid to ask sitting in chekhov's cafe delicious cafe our favorite place to go absolutely totally recommend this place if you're ever passing through navin which nobody does anymore but if you find yourself in navin which we did we seem to do a lot of our we love navin uh i got papped you did while i was eating my breakfast yeah a man came to the window a fully grown man maybe in his 50s and didn't ask to take my photo indicated to me i'm going to take your photo now which while you're eating your breakfast like i i'm so horrified by what that photo must look like because food you personally yeah because food fell out of my mouth at going what the fuck are you taking a picture of us for and then you were

like what the fuck is happening face and then he just ran away and he ran off he was a very kid that's definitely top of the tree weird you know kids being mental on flights not weird at all no that was weird it was weird to see a mom who was so committed to entertaining her kids she was brilliant all hats off to her no criticism and i mean there was beautiful moments like she had moments where her little girl would go mommy i love you the most in the world and i was like of course you do your mother's bloody amazing but the son had a lot of catching up to do but that guy who took the photo of me while i was eating my breakfast without my consent four that's what i kept thinking is that for the wank bank or something is that for his wank bank i don't know i was like all i can think is that can't have been

a good photo of me food was falling out my mouth i was like what the hell is happening we've got other weird stuff weird stuff we saw this week before i forget i gotta say a shout out to theresa kelly theresa kelly is a lady that we spent, we were lucky enough to spend Friday night with in Shepherd's Bush. And she listens to podcasts every week. And I owe her a big apology. Obviously our podcast is late this week. And she was saying that she makes time every Monday to listen to it. And I was so grateful that there's somebody out there

who every Monday religiously listens to our pod. And I'm so, but she was so amazing and she's so lovely and i mean a big shout out teresa thank you so much we really appreciate your support shout out to everybody who came out to the shows has been the maddest two weeks of the tour that is really the main reason for the delay and putting this out we just had no time absolutely wiped at the end of that period and there was no point putting it out and risking our health this is a self-care podcast at the end of the day this is about understanding that there's no right or wrong way of doing this don't you think we're all muddling

through yeah don't you think though that this is why it's so hard for comedians to actually give their time to charity gigs because on thursday night we flew into london to do a massive charity event for the london irish center and kidney care shout out to rob roderick oh my god rob roderick my favorite person please vittorio angelo yeah all of the people that came and gave up their time and gave up their time for a very long time i wasn't expecting how long that night was going to go on for like honestly we raised a lot of money a lot of recognition for charities the kidney care uk got loads of signups for um but you could see why people would go no but i was like no wonder these comedians it's so hard to get comedians to

do this because it's such yeah the next day i felt like i'd been run over by a truck and we had to go do shepherd's bush the next day it was great it was great you know, I'll be running the London Marathon for Kidney Care UK. And thanks to that night, I've met my target of fundraising. And we're hoping to exceed it by even more. The link is in the info here. If you'd like to support me running the London Marathon for Kidney Care UK. Tina, we've got to get to this episode. We've got so many great questions.

Hi, Tina and Jarrod. I'm a weekly listener and can't wait to see you in the Civic Theatre in Talla. I have a 14 year old daughter and I should have listened to the podcast on Monday and then heard you discussing anxiety with that little six year old kid. You may remember that episode if you haven't listened to that. And this is a subject that interests you. Go back and listen to that. episode if you haven't listened to that and this is a subject that interests you go back and listen to that i think it's so sad that our kids are more and more anxious in this day and age that is i mean it's a bloody tragedy well it's a massive problem what we're dealing with and the amount

of emails on this subject so she says i've had a really tough few weeks with my daughter refusing to go to school firstly not feeling well not wanting to go to school uh around totm what's that time of the month okay and it's been getting worse the last few months this is combined with extreme anxiety with thoughts of presenting her work in front of her class and teachers uh which is part of the cba program for junior cert last year she refused and pulled out of her dance class as they were putting on a show in the civic and she has major stage fright and i'm petrified that this will be a pattern for the rest of her life if we don't help but put some sort of tools in her box to help her deal with

these there is a pattern as a teenager i had the same fears but we didn't call it anxiety in the 90s so i was put in touch with the following resources by the school who've been amazing this week and i haven't bought these books yet but i have ordered them there are three books from an author called katie o'donoghue i will link these in the info as well to help children and teenagers deal with worry fears and anxiety and i only watched these this week after meeting with the school so katie o'donoghue just to get that name out there again in case you missed it, katieodonoghueart.com. And there is a video of a podcast she did around one of her books,

which might be of interest to you guys. Helping Your Child Cope With Anxiety, the ISPCC, with author Katie O'Donoghue is what you need to Google there. This is also a free online course, this writer says, don't know is what you need to google there this is also a free online course this writer says called space from anxiety which is a parent which a parent can give the referral my daughter's yearhead has started this with her own teenage son and recommended to me as it has helped her deal with her own anxieties which has helped her better deal with her son's struggles this is incredibly helpful because i get emails in after every episode whenever we touch on anxiety from people

wanting to help other parents and this is incredibly kind that she's done this so the ispcc's encourages a use of free space from anxiety program there are different courses for different age groups and it does go from age five onwards how cool is this so our favorite resource and a previous sponsor of irishman abroad jigsaw she's been in touch there and i've been in contact with them she says which currently unfortunately has a nine-week waiting list. Even though I am on the list, I needed something now to help my daughter navigate her feelings. She's still my baby, no matter what age she is.

And it's so hard as a mum to see her put herself through this internal torture. Even printing off some of the resources from the ISPCC has got us getting her back to school on monday how unbelievably cool is that that's amazing i'm just praying she goes in the doors on monday i want to thank you for your podcast as you will never know how valuable it is and it has helped with a number of issues in my house i tell everyone about it when issues with our kids come up and you always come up as a great resource hope this helps more parents as there is not enough awareness on available resources about anxiety before it becomes a bigger issue thanks again she's incredible thank

you for the email that's incredibly kind but as in so helpful to others what a generous email yeah because you know it's hard to know where to turn when you're dealing with stuff like this and very scary that there's now a nine week waiting list for jigsaw and also we will have to get these books yeah so we'll have them and include them in the show from here on because if you think you're the only person going through this with your kid it comes in some it's such a spectrum of different types shapes and sizes of anxiety that um it'd be it'd be nearly less common to have a kid that is anxiety free yeah i know i always say this and you're it's like you can't blame the pandemic on everything.

But our kids were told to be afraid of the world for nearly two years. There's no way they're going to not have anxiety after that. And also then they go back in having not had time to go. Like I always say this about how if somebody in your work, in your office, went away for six months traveling, they always came back a bit different. I mean, we had such a long period where we didn't interact face to face with each other. Yes. If we weren't different at the other side of that, it'd be fucking weird. And also kids came back and they're not really interacting face to face.

No. They have their lunch breaks and they're on their phones the whole time well killian murphy's on the cover of the irish times yesterday oh yes he was for two stories yeah two stories not the one that you're all thinking about but the other one that he is involved in was this research at galway university which is now being integrated into the transition year curriculum in ireland around teaching kids empathy isn't that incredible unbelievable and it's something we have noticed we have noticed that kids are lacking in it are lacking in i don't know why i did that i'm sorry i have no idea tina needed to move her bag there i'm so sorry but but like so clever and so

incredibly helpful to our children to have something like that available to them. What the research found at Galway University was that when they took 1500 kids and they tried to model and show it an awareness for others, that you would see it in them in their behaviors from that point forward. And, you know, it's exactly what you've always been. Yeah. harping on about i do harp on about it i do but grace and courtesy is part of the montessori method because maria montessori observed that we don't naturally do these things and if you want your child to be kind and thoughtful and all these beautiful things you gotta tell them show them and all these beautiful things you gotta tell them show them model it because they don't know how to do it off their own bat some the rare child does but most people need to be taught it just the

same way as you need to teach maths man it's a crazy time to be living in when we're actually teaching kids empathy at school but if more kids were taught empathy you know we wouldn't have so many issues at all like i mean we like our kid like we love our kid but the thing that we get the most when we go to parent teacher meetings and stuff is he's so kind he's so thoughtful it's amazing and i'm like yeah because we really worked on that that. And we're still having to work on that. It's really hard. There is another side to that as well. Yeah, that he can be too kind.

Yeah, we went way too far for a while. You've got to actually take care of your own shit too. Yeah, it's a hard one to balance for sure. It is. But with this lady as well, I just wanted to say, because she's on the waiting list and everything, there is another option in Ireland. i'm not sure where she lives she said tala there is an amazing lady whose name i can never pronounce jen trecek yeah she runs way ahead therapy easily googleable she's amazing

she's absolutely fantastic she's been on the show she's been on the show she used to work with jigsaw yeah i'm sad for this lady that she doesn't have a jigsaw in her school i mean how incredibly privileged are we there's actually we actually have jigsaw in our school school but um that might be another place to go i also think that it's such a lucky time to be a late a girl because now we have mothers who take time of the month seriously. You are so brilliant to be incorporating the fact that my daughter is a period. You know, this is not her. You know, we need to help her manage who she is around this time of the month. I'm 42 years old.

I'm still struggling to manage myself on the days before and during my period. Jonathan is trying very hard not to agree here. But it's so not fair how you can be, like, I find that my worst thing is I am quick to be irrational. No. Darlene! Or very quick to be very angry about something that I normally wouldn't give a shit about. I'll just be, like, furious.

And I'll know and I'll know I'll know I'll be like Tina you're just getting your period but it's not enough for me to be able to say that then I won't feel this way because I'm still feeling this at a heightened thing and I read somewhere that you know some women are using this as their power but I

can't get myself to do that because I I can't access it that way because I'm just so pissed off every time I have my period. I think it's so funny that it isn't taught to boys this way. To understand what girls are going through. What you're taught as a boy is she's going to be a rational no. She's going to be an absolute no. It's avoid the storm.

Batten down the hatches. You're taught all kinds of mad stuff and it is in tones not so much anymore i am not there so i don't know how it's being told well i've definitely made it my business that mikey would always be considerate but he still rolls his eyes and asks me questions like are you getting your period i can't believe that he's comfortable enough asking that question was like lighting the touch paper. Yeah. You were do never to ask that question. I want this mom to keep in touch with us and let us know if your daughter did go in.

School refusal is terrifying, especially when they're teenagers and you can't actually persuade them to go in. to go in i do think that we take for granted though that something to work towards for the end of her school year might be just what she needs to focus all this energy towards yeah she might just need an aim she might need something to tunnel vision towards the only thing i would say about that right is that if that goal or that aim is like something that like she desperately wants let's say it's a new phone then when she's failing wouldn't that provide more pressure upon her to be like and now i've fucked up my chance of getting the new iphone i don't know well i guess you keep the criteria for achieving it loose so that you can hopefully make it achievable.

The bar is nice and low. The bar is nice and low. Also, in terms of her taking part in things, I think perhaps, you know, get the school on board and that she can take part in these activities, but she doesn't have to do the end thing of presenting or being on the stage in her dance group, because right now that's not something she wants to do so why force these kids to do that i would have died if i was made to a

presentation in school would you i would have died i loved see you love that that would have been a nightmare to me oh my god i would have died i mean the fact that kids are having to do that and i have to say that how many tutorials did i miss in ucd on the day i was supposed to present i was not there in the bar going they make it yeah i was not there i was like there's no way and it all worked out very careful there to say it all worked out because like tina it hasn't worked out yeah i still would never do it like you're still coping with your anxiety like let's be honest but i, when I say it all worked out, like, here you are, a hit podcaster.

Who refuses to do live shows. Who refuses to do live shows. But look, then that's your bar. That's your limit. It's the thing with somebody like that, that girl, that, like, she's got to understand that, yeah, there are people moving through the world still working with their anxiety. Just like Joe Biden's still working with the stutter.

Yes, poor old Joe Biden and his stutter. We're still working. We've all got our bag. Yeah. And we cope with the backpack of stuff. Yeah. I want to bring up, you have one more thing to say? I was just going to say, actually, it just came to me there.

For me, the little wins with my anxiety or shyness is when i do push through like anytime i actually do say okay i'll come on the radio when i get through it i'm so happy with myself she's buzzing off her tits i'm so proud that i did it and that's a nice win that's a nice feeling but then again i do say no to a lot of that stuff yeah but it's like last week when we're talking about teaching kids resilience it's weird to to kind of put them in those positions over and over again even on a small scale the push through you did that you did this yeah pushing through yeah but it's hard it's like does it help them if it's not a necessity like what do you make why are you making them do something they don't have to in the category of weird shit i saw this week oh yeah i saw a kid with no anxiety who was about three years old so when we were in where were we westport oh yeah

mikey and i get up for an early swim the day after the show and there was a kiddies swim class taking place and all the kiddies were being shepherded from the pool. And then there was one little breakaway renegade kid who was like, I ain't leaving this pool. I like swimming. I mean, he was running so fast around the pool. And I was looking at Mikey. Mikey's looking at me going, he's going to clatter himself because it's so slippy. And both of you aren't good at watching kids do dangerous things. Tina, we're in the pool.

How the hell would we stop him? He was about to crack his head off the pavement. Oh, my God. Tina, we're in the pool. How the hell would we stop him? He was about to crack his head off the pavement. Oh my God. And he runs the length of the pool and cannonballs into the jacuzzi. Oh my God.

Which is scalding hot. Like, he had to get up. Into the jacuzzi? That's so dangerous. 16-year-olds and upwards. Mikey was posing as a 16-year-old. Yeah, he gets away with it now. He gets away with it now.

Mikey was mistaking for Charlotte at the weekend. That's another weird... Something he wasn't happy about. He was not happy with that. he was posing as a 16 year old yeah he gets away with it he gets away like he was mistaken for jarlet at the weekend that's another weird something he wasn't happy he was not happy with that a mayo man stopped him and hey stop taking piss all the male people and he was like uh that's my dad oh my god i'm not in my 40s he was not happy just get cannonballs into the jacuzzi right water goes everywhere you can see on his face he was not expecting it to be that hot the bubbles start going off in the jacuzzi because it's got a sensor it knows when somebody's in there and i mean he's now in like where's the mom rolling rapids the mom is in her best of the best clothes because it's trying to drag him out yeah it's mother's day the poor woman

so now she's wet up to her knees her brand new jeans are completely ruined and she's pulling him out by the arm and you know trying not to dislocate his arm in the process and he's laughing his head off he gets out and the lifeguard is coming over and he uh breaks loose again and jumps into the pool i'm so glad i wasn't here like you're literally watching this unfold like it's a sitcom uh there's got this dividing rope in between the kind of shallow corner where the kiddies were doing their swimming oh my goodness and the rest of the pool and i mean it he gets tangled in the rope. Oh no, Jar, that's too far. And he is kicking and kicking and kicking. And he's going.

Why is the mom not jumping in or the lifeguard? The lifeguard is kind of panicked. She's just in the spot the way you would when your mother was choking in the kitchen. Tina's mother, Tina's fully trained in first aid, if ever you need her. A good few times. And her mother was choking in the kitchen. And I came in to find Tina using all of her first aid skills to shout, she is choking. I was running around.

She was running around the island. Yeah. Going, you don't understand. She is choking. I'm like, why are you not doing anything about it? That was terrible. Like the time Mikey fell out of the high chair. Oh, don't bring that up.

Don't bring that up. And Tina was like, he fell out. I was like, pick him up. I couldn't. I actually couldn't. I couldn't bring that up. Don't bring that up. And Tina was like, he fell out. I was like, pick him up. I couldn't. I actually couldn't. I couldn't bring him up. The lifeguard was frozen and so was the mom. And I went, do you want a hand?

And they were like, yeah. So that's always the cutest moment when you pick up a tiny little kid and you realize he weighs the same as a basketball. I know. He's so light and his little armband zone. Did he not freak out at a stranger picking him up? Tina, his life was flashing for a second. Oh, my God.

As far as he was concerned, the hands of God reached down and saved him from the water. And they just handed him out. And that was it. He wasn't going to jump in the pool again. He had to learn the hard way. Oh, my God god no anxiety whatsoever there it was so funny though when you were telling me that it was mikey who said and that was that poor woman's mother's day but we've got to talk about mother's day in a minute because

some of the stuff you see on mother's day is truly hilarious all those lonely dads all these dads have taken care of their kids because the one thing they want the most is a bit of time to themselves yeah hi tina and jarlath i'm struggling so much with my son wetting the bed he's six uh seven in july and i've cut out any drinks after a certain time right that's often isn't amazing that that's often yeah but i i'm not mad on that one but i get why people have to do it i'm encouraging and prompting going to the toilet as much as i can before bed tried waking him during the night nothing seems to be working or helping i don't want to go back to dry nights that's the pull-ups i guess as it's making him sore any advice would be great i'm so tired i need

help i mean thoughts and prayers to all of the parents who are relating hard to this. I was bollocks tired this weekend and it completely reminded me of exactly how much you cannot get your head straight when you're that tired. No, and how much you're kind of coasting when you have a baby. Because you're so floating around, you're not really awake,

you're not ever really asleep. Yeah, one coffee to the next. Yeah, and you're not making great decisions or life choices, I don't think, at that time. i feel like it's like you're you're in a haze yeah because you know what we're all trying so hard to be there for our kids and that's a full-on hard job and it the only thing that gets easier about it is that you get a little bit of your sleep back. Toileting, it's very old, in my opinion, obviously, for him to be so wet in the bed. She knows that. And it's a real struggle because you don't want to shame them.

You don't want them to feel weird or worse about it. He's already feeling bad. No kid's ever prided themselves for this. It's a problem that they want help with. They just don't know how to stop it. Well, I love what you say before you get into it. of themselves for this it's a problem that they want help but they just don't know how to stop it well i love what you say before you get into it you always say reassuring people that this is going to work out like it's yeah of course it will work it will work it's just trying to figure out

well is there an issue there like i'm always saying that you know when it comes to things with the bladder there's no harm bringing them to the doctor because it might be out of their control. Like what? What would that be? You know, maybe they have a slight kidney infection. Oh, you never even think of it, do you? Yeah, maybe they just there's something stopping them from being able to hold or sometimes children don't actually feel when they need to go toilet. So it is actually happening as a surprise to them

too and then as a parent you feel awful because you're like oh my god they i was so upset with them and it was completely out of their control so i think bringing them to a doctor's no harm also best thing about bringing bringing them to a doctor is the another person grown up will say you're not supposed to wee in your bed you're supposed to go to toilet because we definitely knew a kid that was just doing it out of laziness absolutely he was like it's too far to walk a few kids like that who are just like it's warm here we're not accusing your kid of being no no of course not but we definitely have seen that but yeah no i always think i have also equally seen the kids who actually have an issue and they just need to go to the doctor and they needed a tiny antibiotic for a little while wow but um also and then done we had a mom get in touch at the very start of our podcasting and uh it was the alarm mattress that helped for her

worked for her how that works he says yawning in sympathy with this mom well it um it's got a water sensor in it is it i can't it's been so long it just popped into my head because i was trying to remember what we did but uh i think what happens is what happens is you time the mattress and it wakes the kid up for them to know to go check oh no it actually goes off when they feel the wee starting ah and then so that the kid knows to jump out of the bed and get the rest of the wee in the toilet oh my god there's heaps of these yeah bed wetting alarms yes that you can get and there's even a like a wristwatch they can wear yeah um there's loads of gadgets now like the the blanket itself is quite expensive i'm looking at 168 euro yes there's there's cheaper

alternatives available um yeah right on amazon the dry easy bed wetting alarm for 51 euro but i would imagine that this man was willing to try anything yeah and if she is what i have to say is if you're willing to try anything please try this first give yourself a whole week of consistently doing this one thing each night because sometimes parents think they've tried everything but they haven't tried anything consistently as a plan and what you want to get into your child is a pattern of behavior and that can't be established without you showing them the way okay so what i'm saying is you're already tired but you might get your sleep back if you go through this okay so what you're going to do is you're going to set your alarm you're going to pop them on the toilet

before bed and you're going to explain to them that if you feel like you need to be in a toilet you've got to get out of bed you need to arm that kid with a flashlight that always works that has helped or a little light they can turn on beside their bed they are afraid of the dark it doesn't matter how brave you think your kid is they're afraid we're afraid of the dark okay then set your own alarm and i'm talking every two to three hours until you establish the pattern yourself when you can you'll you'll get a tell for when your child is most likely to need to go toilet you get that kid out of the bed and you tell them very gently it's time to check if you need a wee you don't talk about anything else you are just focusing on don't make it fun this is business time pop them on the toilet set a timer put on the tap if they

do a wee you're amazing you did your wee in the toilet mommy loves you so much get back into bed uh if they've done the wee i don't know if you need to check them again during the night but that's up to you i don't know putting on the tap is a real life hack yeah the tap is tina taught me that one the running water yeah well i always remember hating when i was in hospital like a long time ago. I'd had some operation. I don't know what, but I couldn't get out of the bed to use the toilet. And I really needed to wee. And this really mean nurse put a bedpan in. And I was like, I'm absolutely not weeing in that in the bed into a bedpan.

And she turned on the tap. And I had no option. No option. I was I felt so humiliated. But look, she gave you something that you're now using professionally yeah but i mean you're broadcasting it was so but she was so mean about it she was so mean yeah i was like fuck that's the voice i'm giving her yeah yeah she found mathly but yeah okay so here's what i'm saying if that works great but that doesn't mean give up the next night you

have to consistently do this routine for a whole week so that your child then you're retraining your child's clock you're retraining your child's bladder and you're teaching them when to wait how to wake up when did it we you have to be consistent if that doesn't work i'm so sorry i think you need to go to the doctor maybe but um come back to us yeah come back if that doesn't work come back to us or get the alarm but i think the easiest price free option is consistently waking them up popping them on the toilet not interacting with them only toilet talk yeah into bed i love you so much go to sleep come back wake them again and while it will not help your tiredness right now no you will eventually get your yeah but it's all about consistency the biggest parenting news story this week is uh kate middleton's ability to use photoshop on her phone and uh what what is going

on with kate and i'm sorry but does this make it me a conspiracy theorist if i believe that having read harry's book i understand that all of the royals are in competition with each other for column inches because the more you get the more interest there is in you the more you get paid nobody gave two flips about kate and suddenly some pr genius came in and said what we're going to do kate is built a little bit mystery around you now the mystery has gone out of control and probably they're regretting taking this path but on the other hand would we be talking about kate if it wasn't suggested she's gone missing and now this photo with these

unnecessary bits of manipulation are done to it like i couldn't give two flips yes and i get that i get that and i also believe that you your theory might be right. It could be correct. But there's a part of me who's a mother and a wife who thinks this lady has been through a lot. And has she actually had to go somewhere for her mental health, which is what people are suggesting. her husband seems like a jerk am i allowed to say this and he seems to be yours you're you're not a jerk you're lovely but he's been openly cheating on her i mean allegedly allegedly but like i mean i just feel awful for her like she's shrinking in front of us and everyone kind of rewards her for how tiny she's getting it's obvious that that's not healthy for anyone to be that skinny. This poor woman needs support. I just hope that it is really silly and it's just a stupid photo edit and that she's really just at home recovering and everyone else should just mind their flipping business. But there's a part of me that worries, has this woman actually been through a trauma?

And is she actually away somewhere trying to recover mentally? And here's always been my take, right? That if you are two young lads whose mother dies because the media was chasing her. Yeah. They eventually chased her to her death. From that point forward, leave them the fuck alone. Leave them alone. Leave them alone.

But the difficulty is, like I said at the start, that they're earning their money from the mental detention. And there's been proof that they do court the press. They do. But yeah, there's just something that I don't feel right about. Because people are laughing about it and stuff. And then other people aren't. Other people are taking it super seriously. Biggest victim in all of this? Who? Me. You. Because I don't want right because like people are laughing about and stuff and then other people aren't other people are taking it super seriously victim in all of this who me you because i don't want to have to talk about this yeah i know that's right but question number three our final question

of the day come on over to patreon.com if you're not already there to hear the extra chunk of material this week we're going to talk all things mother's day mother's day didn't go great for you we might have some tips and hints over there to make the next one a little bit better particularly for the lads yeah morning tina and jared i love your podcast so much please don't ever stop making it do you know how i can help my one-year-old with his toileting he struggles to pass his stool he often starts screaming crying need ideas for more fiber foods and anything to help him let it go that's really go this is actually this is not a funny no that's actually really tricky because he's only one and it's very hard to converse with a one-year-old or calm them down or talk them around why we have to poo.

That's a real serious situation and it can become really bad. Is the doctor the first port of call? Yeah, because you might just need a tiny baby laxative that you can give him. What normally has happened here is that there has been a poo that's been very hard and very sore. Oh, God. And the baby attaches a trauma to every time he feels like he needs to do his bowel movement i've been there post-operation yeah i had a very serious incident after the kidney oh no after your appendix let's not bring that up i'm still traumatized by you

telling me it was actually a wisdom tooth oh and you know if you've been through this this is this is not fun no this is actually like what this kid's going through is legit they're not being over the top no they're also one year old so i mean they can't explain themselves at all they also don't have the abdominal strength the diaphragm yeah like they're also only being introduced to food so it's hard for this mom to actually cater to diet around them but i would definitely say raisins are always good raisins yeah raisins are great for getting kids to go right and kids tend to like them any kind of fruits but i guess you can't overdo the fruits either avoid bananas for a while until your banana is a Bananas can keep you bound up. Too many bananas here and you're in trouble later that day.

Right. Foods to help toddler bowel movements. I'm Googling. I'm sure she's had the sense to do this already. Yeah, but it is hard when you've got a one-year-old because they are only starting to eat foods and they probably won't eat that many foods at all. There's actually books on this subject.

Oh yeah, it's a huge problem. But at one-year-old, it's very hard to help them. You're not able to converse with them. You're not able to. You can actually read them books. Everybody poos. Who's in the loo? But it's just not going to have the same impact it would on a two, three, four year old.

And you can also get fiber supplements that come as jellies yeah i'm not sure they would be suitable for a one-year-old i would be shocked by tina peppa pig is on bottle yeah so it's gotta be okay i think don't take any supplements until you've gone to a doctor because you know there could be another reason why your child can't pass through stool we have to take those things seriously but uh also um it you know sometimes it can this is very controversial now i know katrin ryan would agree with me if your child is struggling to poo i would actually pop them on a potty, hold their hand, put on the telly, just rub their hand, put some music on, get them relaxed.

The poo needs to come out. It will come out when they're relaxed. Yeah. They're tensing up. They're keeping it in there. Yeah. Right. So that is that like I know that sounds so straightforward, but I've watched you do that.

And when they're one as well, I i mean they still are wearing the nappy so the chances are that poo is going to come out in their sleep and that won't be such a big problem it's not like you've toilet trained them already but that child is in pain they're also tensing up which means they're probably miserable they're probably crying more than they need to cry they definitely need some help but it is tricky That is a tricky age to help with because you can't talk to them really. Pears, they're saying. Pears, apples. Yeah, applesauce.

Raspberries. Chia seeds. Good luck. Yeah. Pitted prunes. Oh, yeah, because kids love them. Well, you can liquidize the prunes. Well, all of these are suggesting you mush them up.

Yeah, you can liquidize. Oat bran. Quarter these are suggesting you mush them yeah you can lick a brand a quarter cup of old bran i don't know what you would do that mix that with i always find it you know i always find it really annoying these blogs and stuff you're looking up right now they make these grandiose suggestions of food to give your one-year-olds like they forget that most one-year-olds won't just eat like a french stick yeah like one of the suggestions here is avocado yeah well to be fair most kids love that do they okay so avocados it's just expensive into a mango smoothie yeah a lot of parents can't afford avocado avocado is expensive it's supposed to be in half it's going to land on the floor just get them in the local waitrose yeah raisins i think are the go-to um

and the pear mushy pear mushy apple definitely will help also a little i don't know if you can give one year old hot drinks i don't think you can definitely a cup of coffee like no you know this works for me warm sugary water but i i just think you need to bring your child to the doctor because there's actually there is help here the hsc website so most most of the time you will actually find help with your local if you've got um an insurance provider or like tina like you said get down to the local gp yeah they may be able to help well they'll know what to feel for and they'll know what's happening there they'll also help you with doing things like tummy massages. Really, what you need to focus on is your baby has had a time that they remember that the poo hurt to come out.

So now they don't want to have that feeling again. So you need to help them relax and get to a more zen place when it comes to their poo. And get some beans into them. Be there for them. Hold their hand. They're not going to want you to hold their hand forever so just hold their hand rub their hand rub their tummy get them chilled out be with them i mean it's a very very common problem but this baby is very young so i would definitely bring it to a doctor um as a as a man who's had a lot of digestive issues over the year

including an immune thing that's related to it this is this is no crack and i fully get it if you have something similar email us in honey rooting our kid at gmail.com maybe you've got the answer i always say this we throw it out there they're like maybe you've lived through this and you found the thing that works get in touch with us yeah well my reason though gerald for pushing the doctor thing is if your child is in this massive developmental stage, if they're focusing all their energy and holding their poo in, they're missing out on other stuff.

Well, we've had a really ridiculous couple of weeks. Apologies again for the podcast being late. Come over to patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. Start enjoying full-size episodes. Go back, enjoy the full-size back catalogue. And our big announcement. I'm coming to Americaica i put on one show in boston because people in boston were very adamant on instagram we need you to come to boston

put on one show that sold out in 24 hours put on another one that one's now sold out so we've added a third matinee show specifically for the parents on the same day which Charlotte thinks is perfectly good planning why not six hours of comedy in one day six hours of comedy no the show isn't that long according to them

the show starts at four finishes at half five so you can give the kids to you whoever you can and then you can go out for a bite to eat afterwards Boston

I am coming Chicago we're announcing those dates this week and New York will also make an appearance it's all going

to be in or around the first fall easter the the halloween break so please go to jigsaw.com forward slash gigs for all the links for all the tour dates coming up because of course there is only one chance to see this show in dublin before it goes away forever and And that's at the Three Olympia Theatre on May 30th and 31st. Dina, thank you so much for this episode as always. Thank you, Charlie. I love you.