Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - S2 Ep3 Are Some Kids Just Brats? Hair Pulling, Eye Rolling & More

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Are some little kids just trying to wind their parents up? Jar and Tina delve into this and three other great questions anonymously supplied by you, the listeners of Honey! You're Ruining Our Kid! (The zero judgement parenting podcast) Question 1: An uncle worried about how rude his brother's kids are. Can step in or has he any role in breaking this behaviour? Question 2: What to do about Trichotillomania? This is a disorder that can get out of control if your child is using is as a comforting technique. Question 3: What do you do when siblings have a very strange relationship? How do you get your kids to believe in each other?Proudly sponsored by Buymie. Email- [e-mail]. Follow us on Instagram for even more https://instagram.com/honeyyouareruiningourkid?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==Get bonus episodes and support the show www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad

Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid with Jarleth and Tina. A Go Loud Parenting Podcast proudly sponsored by BuyMe. The only way to get done stores delivered to your door in as little as an hour. Shop the full range of grocery products handpicked by your BuyMe personal shopper. T's and Z's apply. Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid, the parenting podcast from an Irish man abroad. It's all about helping you with this challenge of raising kids. I am a stand-up comedian and Tina is a child development expert

with more than 20 years of experience in the business. There's actually zero judgment here and everyone does it their own way. At the end of the day, you have to do what suits your family. And I'm just here to try and help them. You got to come down to the level and give them a chance you gotta give them a warning and say that is not okay what you did here's what's gonna happen yeah it sounds a lot like our relation jar if you do that again there's gonna be no basketball for the rest of the week it's honey you're ruining our kid the parenting podcast from the Irish Man Abroad Podcast Network. Tina, I'm going to come straight out the gate.

I'm coming in hot today. I get so nervous. I just want to know, like, do some kids just, are some kids just acting the bollocks? You know, you're trying to figure out what are they doing? Why are they doing this?

What can we do to help them? But some of them are just being little bollocks is that is that am i am i losing my mind you mean like are some of them playing their parents yeah yeah of course that's the whole thing they're playing their parents and that's why i'm here to help those parents find the strength to not be played don't get played by your kid so when you're in the classroom for example in that setting and you recognize oh this kid does there's nothing wrong here there's no yeah there's no issue you mean when a parent thinks there's an issue with their kid and there's actually it's

just actually acting the maggot yeah or worse yeah that when we get to this later where it's like the parent is not helping matters oh well well they're playing they're buying it hook line and sinker yeah and you're looking at them going no your kid's fine i think they're just playing you i think that that is a problem that's coming from this idea of um consciously parenting which is a beautiful philosophy on parenting and you know being kind and you know never losing it with your kid always being the resourceful kind well being the calm little center yeah but people have got that a little bit wrong like there's never been um a time when people have encouraged conscious parenting and then also encouraged no boundaries no rules and just let your kid do whatever they want because for me

what i always stress oops it's okay is safety is actually what you should be driving for does your child feel safe and how do you get to those feelings of safety your child needs to know exactly the rules in the house mom's boundaries dad's boundaries then you've got a happier kid you can i absolutely advocate conscious parenting i think it's beautiful that's where it gets tricky though isn't it because you're like i want my child to feel safe so i'm gonna tell them now this is happening then this is happening which is your now and next thing which like we need to get a patent on because it's just so it's it's helped so many people but what i'm saying is it gets tricky because you're like you don't need to

involve your kid in that yeah you're telling your kid we're going to have this for dinner it's like now they think they're a stakeholder in the choices like dinner's dinner eat it it's a really hard one to balance the seesaw of that yeah because like that's why i find it hard to give advice from emails i really it really is so much more helpful for me to be able to see the child because then i see how people are interacting with the child too and whether the child's a bollock yes of course charlotte knows that the more of a little bollocks that child is the more i'm going to love them because i love the little spirited ones i do i love it because it's never their fault i'm not a fan you're not a fan

yeah i know what you mean it's never their fault it's never their fault and they're so easy to put back on track yeah i mean you're right there's too many parents maybe i can't start with a definite. There is too many. No, yeah. Look, we're seeing it all the time. And people know themselves. I'm just giving them too much. Yeah, we do it. We do it all the time. And then we go through phases where we're trying to pull it back. Here's the other thing.

To bring it back into the bigger context of world news. The two big stories this week. Sophie Turner, Joe Jonas breaking up they're not this is not the biggest news by the way i i recognize that's not the top of the news i've been so dragged into this um romance yeah oh well this is like this is a real insight into spin doctoring and how exactly how much people are buying spin anymore. And Joe Biden's son, Hunter Biden, has been indicted on gun charges. Now, he is a problem child.

And the impression I get with Joe Biden, even though that's a man, like that's a grown man, who's got a gun charge, what the hell has that got to do with his dad? But we know there was trauma in his childhood. Massive trauma in the family. And I would imagine that Joe, being away as much as he was found it very hard to say no to a young hunter and that's parent guilt mom guilt dad guilt yeah exactly huge problems too some of that comes into what we're talking about here where you had a

pretty shy childhood yourself and you didn't feel like your man ever gave two hoots about you. Yes. That parents can then be like, well, then I'm not going to have my child sad ever. And that is what I mean about the boundaries and the feeling of safety. Because your child will not be happy in themselves. They just won't if they don't feel safe. So you can be the yes mom and the yes dad all you want and get them whatever they want but that child who has no sense of boundaries will not feel secure and safe in themselves and i'm not saying like rules i'm just like boundaries if you tell them clarity if you say they can't have something your child should happily respect your voice and know well my mom said that that's

it that's how it works that's how it works and that's a kind of safety feeling for them also telling them my job is to keep you safe if they if for a reason they can't do something it's good it's a good thing to say to your child you're telling them i love you i want to keep you safe but um tina's job is to answer your emails keep them coming in honey you are ruining our kid at gmail.com by me are our partner make sure to download the app let's get straight to question number one hello Jaren Tina I absolutely adore your show. I don't have a parenting question per se. I have an uncle dilemma. Oh, okay.

Problem with another parent. Okay. So this is the uncle or? I don't know. My brother is raising some rude kids. It's driving me crazy. Himself and his wife model rude and exclusionary behavior. Oh, wow.

I've had no idea what to do, but their kids don't say thank you. They seem really entitled. It was cute when they were small, and they just seemed like little cutie pies with a little bit of attitude. But now they're getting bigger, and my patience for their lack of manners is wearing thin how can i change their behavior can i change their behavior as an uncle do i have a voice what is your advice i'm ready to explode at my brother i don't understand how he doesn't see how rude his kids are any help would be much appreciated there's a very tricky one right that's very tough

and i say right off the top that we're in some dangeroso territory because you have to say if go in front of him you are being rude yeah like oh god the lava could shoot from all the orifices yeah like if somebody said that about my kid in front of me i don't know actually i'd be like well if he was rude yeah no we're definitely the parents who're like do you think mikey was rude mikey were you rude yeah we call them out and all that i just heard you didn't i heard in the other room you're not saying thanks no we definitely go a bit probably a bit too much this is a scary one because if you whatever advice you give if he follows it and they fall out yeah could fall yeah it could ruin the relationship so the question is in a nutshell yeah as a

relative do I have any influence over my siblings children

sadly no no and that is the answer there's no you can want to but you risk falling out definitely

100% definitely and maybe and I love all my nieces and nephews it needs to be said yeah me too my god we adore them they're the best You can want to, but you risk falling out. Definitely. 100%. Definitely. And maybe. And I love all my nieces and nephews, it needs to be said. Yeah, me too. My God, we adore them. They're the best. But maybe the trick is you do need to get in there early.

We've all been there. Yeah. Where you're like, oh, do I say that now? I'm looking after them for the day. Oh, if they're in my care, I absolutely will. Yeah. Tell them that's rude. Don't do that. An instance care, I absolutely will. Yeah, I definitely remember an instance and we won't, we don't even need to name names.

Where a relative of ours, a niece or nephew. I am so afraid. This is scary, right? I can feel, I can totally feel why this email came in. I, yeah, I'm tensing up. And we went out for lunch and they ordered two main courses. They were like seven. There were seven at the time.

We were like, no, you got to pick one or the other. Yeah. And they were like, I want to get hot dog and pizza. And you're like, that's not how it works. To be fair, when I explained that if they were still hungry after, of course, we'd order more food. But we wouldn't have. No. You know, I would never let anyone go hungry.

Of course, if you want two main courses, just eat one. They couldn't get through the first one at all. No, they couldn't finish it. Yeah. But it was, look, it was a good lesson in that. Yeah, I thought they took it very well. But, you know, yeah. Can you parent your brother or sister's kids

no you can't right well if you're minding them yeah then they're in your care this person has probably listened to this going well that's not what i'm asking what i'm actually saying is if my kid is punking me well i think about it yeah the kid is like snatching it from your hand yeah when you go here's a little bag of crisps for you there oh and i snatch it from your hand yeah when you go here's a little bag of crisps for you there oh and they snatch it from your hand walk from the room are you not entitled to go what do we say oh absolutely or come in take the bag of crisps empty them into the bin and go well if you'd said thanks that wouldn't happen no i do think of course that's not really parenting though that's just daily manners that's just you're allowed to say things like think of course that's not really parenting though that's just

daily manners that's just you're allowed to say things like that that's more the question here i think yeah if you give a child something if i give a child a present and they snatch it and don't say thank you i will and have done go to the child and say you need to say you're shaking your head i have watched you not do it as well. Really? I've definitely watched you not do that. Then I'm afraid of the mom. But yeah, well, like we've been at kids parties where it's happened. Yeah. And, you know, this is a very tricky question.

Yeah, I used to hear from more aunties and uncles because I just don't think you can get involved. No. I think you got to. It's one of those things you've got to grin and bear. Yeah, unfortunately, because if it's being modeled, then the parents are OK with it. That's the, but so, but then what your advice has always been, Tina, is to do model yourself, right? Just focus on modeling for yourself. So let that kid see that if you want the best from me, you do this.

Yeah, I think that's's okay and if they're in your house they have to abide your rules like if they're over if they're staying overnight you know if they're rude you can say i really don't like that in our house that's not something we do i'd like it when you're here i don't know how it works in your house keep saying i know it's crazy up there Up there Up in that Up in this bitch Yeah no I really feel bad Because I got nothing really Because I feel like you get involved

Well like you You are going to You're in a minefield Yeah And like Tina These are always the hardest ones These are always the hardest questions And we love

getting difficult questions from you guys but always the trickiest ones are where family tensions occur where it's like remember we had that person where the mom wouldn't let her you know discipline her kids and this is a very common thing that you can't discipline your kids in front of your mom yeah and our advice for that you're being too tough on that advice really worked for that mom she started taking her child out of the room out of the room and that is good but you can't do that with your nieces and nephews that's overstepping that is overstepping it's hard not to overstep because you love them so much you love your nieces and nephews so what's the first thing they do let's get this clear you model it yourself yeah you model when they're in

your house these are the rules i think if behavior takes part it takes place in front of you to you you are within your rights to say i don't like how you're talking to me i don't like how you're behaving in front of your brother if the child does it to you yeah i would always i'd do that i would do that because it's you they're affecting with their behavior my brother but you can't he doesn't have kids yeah he doesn't have kids i think you can't if you witness if you're observing behavior you can't get involved but if it's happening to you yeah you can get involved in that right but you can't ever say anything to your brother because they'll just take offense yeah and the other big uh provision that needs to come with this advice is that we don't know what your relationship is with this sibling or whoever this is in your family if you're listening

to this going yeah i'm gonna do that we don't know and also you gotta remember as the uncle you're not there all the time you don't know how hard it is to raise these kids yeah i really really don't like ever judging another parent ever no matter how bad unless they're hurting their child then i will be like fuck that but because you just don't know what day they've lived already or what's gone down and you know like like they say you know those memes where the mom is holding the kid like a rugby ball which i'm all for yeah and they're like stop judging that mom she asked nicely twice i love that because i'm like yeah you have no clue what happened before that you don't know how many times you got down to that child's level and tried to be nice at a certain point as a parent you have to be able to go that's it your rugby

ball we're out of here you know best look in ireland in the rugby world let's look to that uncle before we go on to question two we did leave out one thing in question one that probably needs its own section and that is the exclusionary behavior that got mentioned there's a mention of it in there yeah exclusionary behavior i certainly had cousins that enjoyed a little bit of don't tell him leave him out you know i hate that's right and for them it was jokes. Like it was, it was like, leave him standing there and he thinks there's nobody here. I witnessed Darlett reminding one of his cousins this summer. Of a trick they played on me.

And like she didn't remember. Was appalled. She was appalled at her behaviour, but had no memory of it. Whereas this is a core memory for Darlett. Core memory, yeah. That he carries around. Do you want to know what that is, guys? Will I tell you guys what happened?

So I think I was about six, right? And yeah, I would have been no older than six because I was definitely home from school before everybody else, right? Because I was the youngest member of the family. In case you can't tell, a lot of comedians are the youngest member of their family. So craving attention, home from school early, chowing down, watching a little bit of Bosco, the glory years.

Bosco was great. Uprock, the nesters from Cork to the Regan house. And you're like, well, I've never met these cousins really. They're not first cousins. They're second cousins, right? So they show up in the summertime. You might see them, but they're so much older than me like they're like they seemed like absolute adults yeah they're probably like fully like

the girls look like women the men had mustaches we all look the same age now yeah but like they were like go on outside now and play and i went to run outside and my mother said put on your coat it's so the way it's amazing i can remember every yeah it really looked on your coat and i came back in my coat unbelievable nobody else put on their coats this is why i relate to kids so much all these memories are so vivid throw on the coat go out the back garden nobody's out there nobody's there i've heard this story maybe a million times so what the did they not come out i'm like but they walked out the door ahead of me i'm six years old and then they all jumped from trees and rooftops and shed tops and frightened the living shit maybe the most scared i've ever been at any

moment in my life and i rocked my core like that kind of kind of scare me sunk in and uh i remember feeling so betrayed right that like i was like that wasn't mean that was like the egg cracking on the head why you do that yeah why would you do that I was like obviously crying well and you had a little bit of a temper

didn't you break tennis rackets and stuff at that age that's a whole another episode Tina but I brought it up with this woman yeah I was there I was like

oh here we go a full 30 odd years later and she was appalled by what she'd done but it was that kind of mean uh stuff that this person talked about in question one where it's like you're not only these kids rude but they're practicing exclusionary behavior and we're living in a time when it's more possible to exclude people than ever before yeah as our communication methods mean that you can just mute them hide them block them it's terrifying to me also don't add them that stuff happens by accident on social media too which is causing you're saying that tina but you're excluding people never but i have seen

i saw a whole thing um yesterday on twitter uh it was actually your friend, David Frayn, who did that lovely interview saying, I'm not seeing the replies to my Twitter. And then somebody got in touch to say, well, you must have muted or blocked people. And he goes, I've never done that to anyone. And he hadn't. And then a lot of other people were like. Elon Musk did it for him. Maybe.

Do you think so? Yeah. So it seems to be happening. But yeah, I get what you mean. We've seen it. We've seen exclusionary behavior. and then a lot of other people were like elon musk did it for him maybe do you think so yeah so it seems to be happening but yeah i get what you mean we've seen it we've seen exclusionary behavior what do you do and to be honest the gross thing that i've seen is it's parent-led that's all i've seen it's not the kids it's from what i've seen it's parents telling their kids to stuff that doesn't sit or just show or just showing them yeah this is what we do we don't because uh so i'm i'm coaching basketball

at the moment right i'm back coaching basketball mikey's team mikey's team right and it's just funny that i like i i think you have to nip it in the bud early and i think the parents need to be talking about exclusionary behavior um i just saw a bit of uh kind of trash talk going on from the sidelines to one kid who was smaller than the other kids and you know i stopped the practice and said that's good coaching that's not how this team works nobody belittles anyone good on the team yeah if you're going to shout something from the sideline it's positive that's that all of these players are helping each other up but like i was my heart was beating so fast because i just felt so bad for the little guy

yeah the little guy i think what you did was right because children need guidance and when that's my that's the scary thing I'm seeing. What I'm seeing is it's parent-led. So then I find myself going, hang on. This is kids you're talking about. You're talking about kids. So the dialogue. I think the dialogue, from what I'm seeing, in my experience, is parent-led.

And I can't stop myself in those moments. And do you mean like when parents are around going, oh, well, that kid's a little bollocks. Yeah. And we started this show with me calling kids bollockses. But like if you're a parent who is speaking a bit too freely in front of your kids about, oh, well, that kid's an absolute arse. But like what hope does your child have? It's going in.

You're saying to your kid that this kid's a bollocks and he'll never change whereas that little kid is in a state of groat and change they're not who they're gonna be they're not how dare you i hate when people limit kids i hate it yeah i'm like yeah okay i can see that kid has a few problems yeah but you've no idea what their story is and also when they don't what their potential is yeah and they also when they don't recognize a you yourself yeah we're a little bullock side at the end of the day you're talking about kids stop parents need to stop talking about kids in a weird way because you are you are green lighting it for your kids to behave you cannot but in this instance exclusionary behavior i don't blame it on kids ever i look to the parents and i think what are you saying what are you what does this parent do if he's seeing it happening if the uncle

he can do fuck all in this instance nothing i don't see what he can do i just don't only when it's like i said in terms of the manners if he's there and it's happening in front of him then get guide them like you did at the coaching right well yeah not a whole load of answers in answer one here but sometimes i don't have the answer yeah well that's true you need to state that definitely have the answer to question two okay tina and jarlet I absolutely love your podcast. Apologies if this has been covered before, but I'm still making my way through the older episodes.

Absolutely no apology necessary. Did you know that you can get longer episodes and bonus episodes over on patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad? Yeah, there you go. My three and a half year old little boy started hair twirling about three months ago, solely at bedtime. So that's the thing literally just like burrowing your finger and twisting a hair around it. Okay. He used to fall asleep nursing, holding onto my hair and often would still find a lot of comfort holding onto and twirling the end of my hair,

reading books and having a cuddle. So it made sense he began doing it to himself to soothe when he made the switch from me putting him to bed every night to Dada putting him to bed. Okay, here we go. He recently started Montessori and he's loving it. Ran in happy as Larry on day one. However, the hair twirling has turned into hair pulling and he has an ever-growing bald spot. Oh no, we don't ever scold him for it, but try redirecting him and give him something else to engage his hands. But it's getting worse. Couple all that with potty training at the beginning of the summer

and a baby sister Jew in a few weeks. There's been a lot of big changes for this guy. He's a very outgoing, chatty, happy boy who outwardly takes it all in his stride. But it's obviously internalizing all of these changes. Very tough. Is a buzz cut the answer? What can I do to help him? A buzz cut is an option. It's actually not a bad option, the buzz cut the answer what can i do to help him a buzz cut is an option it's actually not a bad

option the buzz cut but i think this child like it's all gonna be okay i hope i feel like this mom another incredible mom who is redirecting his hand how clever is that just trying to knowing that this unconscious behavior and that i need to redirect it before it becomes a habit forming behavior uh it's so tricky because you know this is a this is a what do you call it um he's got a bald spot i know but it's a it's an issue what it's called when you have like a disorder that is a disorder it has a special name uh i cannot remember but i i was guilty of it myself for a while you did this i used to pull out bits of my hair it is a self-soothing thing

that people do and uh i remember reading about colin farrell of all people saying that he was struggling with this disorder that when he was stressed out he realized he was pulling bits of his hair and he was getting a bald patch and i was like oh shit i do that too so for ages i used to have to sit on my hands and i want to do it what age were you uh 30 wow so there is a possibility that if they don't get on top of this that this can go on into adult life yeah well it's a very common it's like one in three people do this but it's not that common for little guys oh and what she's noticed is true he's using it as a self-suiting technique so we need to think of other things that maybe he needs i feel like straight off the bat he needs a hair sensory head sensory program

he needs like massage when she's washing his hair he needs his hair brushed because he's gotten used to some kind of stimuli in that part of his skull that he's enjoying and that needs to be replaced with a different activity i also think she's right about the redirection how do you redirect it though maybe at night time he gets a teddy that's really fluffy and fuzzy or a doll with hair and if he needs to do it he'll do it to the doll or the teddy and not himself do you say it well actually that depends on the kid i think at three and a half you could have a chat with him depending on the kid you could sit him down and say you i don't know if you know you're doing this but you sometimes you're actually pulling out your hair and when mommy's now going to need you

to try and stop and when you feel yourself going to do that i want you to put your hand under your bottom and sit on it or i want you to hold your hands i want you to stretch out your hands do something else that isn't pulling out your hair i mean if this mom feels he's old enough for that chat i would go for it but if he's not redirection is is important here i think this is a very tricky one because obviously you you'd need to meet the kid you'd need to meet somebody do they need to enlist the help of somebody for this well i mean it's a tricky one because kids do all kinds of strange things they go they just kind of they kind of fall through what are the strangest ones you've seen give us some examples of kinds of strange things. They just kind of fall through early. What are the strangest ones you've seen?

Give us some examples of kids doing strange things. I definitely had some odd habits myself. Well, sucking. Kids can suck on their limbs. You know, the sucking is a big one. Remember that kid? Yeah, and also sucking on the arm. Kids can do pinching under their arms like really sore punching that they they start

these all become comforting behaviors that's what you don't you need to break the pattern now i know with this with older children and maybe it would work with younger children you can get gloves and it's just putting the gloves on is enough for when they go to do the unconscious behavior it feels different and they stop themselves or you can put plasters on the top of their fingers and again when they go to pull their hair it doesn't feel as nice because it's not their fingertips it's plasters on their fingertips and they're not getting the same extreme end of this yeah well he is balding so that is extreme but uh it will pass it's's just doing, getting it right, getting the,

I do think some kind of sensory program for his hair, a sensory diet for, you know, scalp massage. Where would they find that? Well, they don't need to find it. It's just making time for it. So like I would say, if you do bath time at night time, just massage his head while you're washing it. Afterwards, brush his hair nicely, you know,

give him that stimulus he needs on his head that's comforting to him so he doesn't go searching for it somewhere else yeah so enlisting the school this is something you always talk about do you do that here i don't know i'm not sure because he's only just started and he's very happy but maybe going to the doctor wouldn't be the worst thing because maybe even the doctor telling him to stop could work. You know, the temptation just to go with the buzz cut must be massive because that was the first like she suggested it. Like, yeah, I don't think I even noticed that bit when I read that email about the buzz cut.

I think I was just like, so, oh, God, this woman needs help. But like, it's not a terrible option but it could make it completely worse it's not solving it no it could be very traumatizing for him to yeah he might just redirect that behavior so i think i think the teddy at nighttime could work he just wants to feel the pulling of something i mean it will this is not unusual no well it is unusual for a three year old to do that. A small person, yeah. Normally, it's teenagers or older people who kind of get into this bad habit of pulling their hair out of their head.

And I remember I used to pull it and curl it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm just interested just to, when we're winding up this question, that for other parents outside of this particular parent, kid isn't balding but is twirling their hair and you've seen them yoink hair from their head yeah what's the answer well that's what i was gonna say like it's all good and well me giving her techniques how to deal with this behavior but there's something underneath it that she needs to look for. There is a worry. There's somewhere he's not feeling easy or safe. That's what I'm saying.

And that is really hard. And that's where you can go to the Montessori and you can encourage group time and give them questions you want to ask. Because as I always say, there is no better time being a Montessori teacher than circle time and news time oh my god you will hear everything stuff that comes I was telling Darla's sister the other day I love to be in that

classroom now with her little gorgeous girl in there because I would be just asking her everything because that's what that little girl's going in and telling the whole life yeah they so that is lovely like it is lovely it's their news it's a very safe place for them yeah and actually you know what um this week i saw this it's too young it's too old i mean for this kid but if you have a kid a little bit older who you're worried about and maybe there's lots of stuff on their mind and they're not great at sharing this week i found a really amazing journal uh well-being journals and it's kind of leading questions and oh my god it's so good i can't believe it it's working really well for us and i really recommend it

there's a well-being junior journal that i got and it's it just i realized that with my child i don't know about anyone else's he was finding it really difficult to just divulge into his journal so now these little questions and prompts have really really helped it's called the head plan kids journal gratitude journal for kids that encourage happiness and well-being from ages 6 to 12 it is expensive a little bit old for this particular emailer it's 20 pounds sterling yeah but you can find it on amazon and i'm sure it is expensive but oh my goodness i feel like it really is working but but you could adapt even if that mom went on to the amazon and had a look you could adapt your own kind of journal for his age group which is smiley faces or emotion faces

something where he can feel like he can um communicate to you yeah how he's actually feeling inside this is a strange one but i think my four-year-old daughter thinks my six-year-old son is a hopeless case my four-year-old seems to think her older brother can't do anything for himself. She is either in a state of constant helping him or constant eye-rolling at him. I didn't notice until he went back to school and now my daughter spends her time saying mean things about her brother. Betty forgets his books today, Mom. Oh my God.

Betty doesn't remember to drink his water when he comes home. I can just picture this kid with the arms folded going, hey, that was an absolute nightmare. Yeah. Now I am aware of it, and I have a little old soul on my hands, but I'm worried as to why she thinks her brother is such a waste of space. Her brother can be clumsy and forgetful but he's also kind and very funny. I've noticed he enjoys her taking care of him. I've seen her get his shoes firm and make sure he has brushed his teeth how do i get her to believe in him more wow i've

never had a question like that before no it's really interesting and very very very very cute and i think the same advice goes here as i gave with those to those lovely moms with their husbands you gotta start bigging up your child you gotta start saying nice things about your kid both kids to each other and around the house so you're referencing the question we had a couple of weeks ago where the mom couldn't get the kids to hang out with the dad yeah so she started saying isn't that the best yeah hanging out with dad's so much fun and then all of a sudden they're like yeah we're gonna hang out with dad's so much fun. And then all of a sudden they're like, yeah, we're going to hang out with dad. Yeah. And suddenly, like literally, game change.

Yeah. So I want to throw this into the mix. You think that by saying your little brother Tommy is brilliant. Listen to your little good man. Have you noticed how good he is? He's getting good at remembering his own stuff. I'm going to throw this in. I'm going to throw this in.

Is it possible that she is treating him like a dolly and is just enjoying the being, has seen moms being like, oh my God, can you believe it? Because we'll have to forget the shoes. And she's trying to bond with her mom over, we're both moms, we're just living our lives yeah yeah you have a point definitely is that possible i actually i have a point oh shit we should have a klaxon i don't think that will stop it i mean if she encourages it like you know it's only going to

get worse and you know i'm not saying encourage it right i'm not saying that but like sometimes i think these little madams and i'm not saying you're i mean that in the best possible way yeah who want to go for baby chinos with their mom and just be grown-up women already i know they're so amazing like i want one i really want one they're so amazing i'm always so envious of the mom who's like hanging out shopping with her tiny little mini me yeah so my answer is is that maybe she doesn't actually think this but she's just trying to you know be like you and be like on it taking care of him helping out yeah fair enough but she still you still can't allow her to talk like that about her brother and you're not

saying you're correct she's identified the mean. And I'm not saying you correct. She's identified the mean things. Yeah, I don't think you correct the speech. You just model better things. You say nice things like, I heard he's doing great at school. I heard he can do this for himself now. Did you notice your brother put on his own shoes this morning? He's very good at putting on his own shoes.

And encourage the boy to be more independent. Why is he expecting his sister? I mean, that's not going to, that's not going to pave out well for him, pan out well for him. Because then he's going to expect more girls in his life to just keep doing shit for him. We all know those men. Yeah, girls don't want to do that. Or shouldn't have to. Shouldn't have to, they don't want to.

It's a funny one because the question is, how do I get her to believe in her brother more? Actually, I think, how do we get the boy to be more independent? Yeah. I think that that boy needs to be... Yeah, he's not going, give me my shoes. Don't you try and put my shoes on for me. I know how to put on my own shoes. We need to get that boy to have more in her drive. And maybe that just means they need a few little jobs in the house.

These are her jobs and these are his jobs. And he does his jobs and she does hers so give them more of a sense of identity of themselves and not just her worrying about him all the time it can't be much crack for her worrying about her brother all the time even if it is cute and play like you think it might be but also i'd ask about him at school i'd be interested to know is he independent is he independent or does he have someone else doing this from there or does he have someone else i mean we've all we all know those kids and we all know those men who are like sure i don't know how to load a dishwasher at all at all oh i'll just mess it up you do it yeah and we all know the women like the little girl who

even if you do load the dishwasher they reload it after you walk away from it yeah we all know those men i was like how long is this gonna go on and sometimes those women are a little bit tough on those men you were on to me so fast these um these episodes are so much fun to record and I'm just so happy that you guys are still enjoying them wherever you are in the world you can contact the show really easily honeyyouareruiningourkid at gmail.com if there's anything you just want us to talk about

if there's a topic you think hasn't been covered and you'd rather not divulge your situation yeah that's true most people don't have their questions on the show. Of course. My big news is that I've added a fourth night at the Three Olympia Theatre. I am on tour with my stand-up. Honey, you're ruining our kid.

With Charlotte Santina. All of them are sold out. So there's one more added on the 18th of January. The only way to get done is to deliver to your door in as little as an hour. So exciting. Don't forget. I was just thinking though. added on the 18th January I get very anxious when I say it out loud it's so exciting I was just thinking though isn't it so sad

that this is the show's for 10 euro off your first order you know yeah I am working on that when did you do

this show called Notions this was up two years ago yeah that's a while ago yeah this would have been a great name for this show yeah

it's the most Notions-y theatre in the country it's my favourite it's my favourite I'm so excited I'm also going to be hitting the road I'm going all around Ireland and the UK

well not yet America but we're working on the visa if you want to come and see me live next week I will be in the INEC in Killarney there's a few tickets left there then the next week I'll be in the INEC in Killarney, there's a few tickets left there then the next week I'll be in Nace Limerick, Bristol

London, New Ross Ulster Hall, Belfast Roscommon, Carlow and into the Olympia as I said the 18th, 19th, 20th and 21st of January absolutely love you, Tina thanks so much for this huge episode.

Absolutely brilliant. I love making the show, Tina. So much fun. I love our listeners. They're the coolest. I am a piece in the Sunday Business Post. This yesterday would be yesterday, which is about working with your wife.

What is it like to work with your wife on a daily basis? The night of working with your wife what is it like to work with your wife on a daily basis the night of working with your wife oh no nah you know the article is very complimentary thank you guys so much

make sure to download the buy me app and get yourself some groceries delivered to your house in as little as an hour from the store I said the code

was honey 20 last week but it's honey 10 honey 10 10% it's not bad it's a 10 or off come on lads relax the cats honey you're ruining our kid with Jarla Santina but it's Honey 10. Honey 10. 10% is not bad. It's a 10er off. Come on lads. Relax the cats.

Honey, you're ruining our kid with Jarleth and Tina. A Go Loud parenting podcast proudly sponsored by Buy Me. The only way to get done stores delivered to your door in as little as an hour. Don't forget,

use code HONEY10 for 10 euro off your first order. T's and Z's apply.