Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Season Finale! Can Hyper Kids Become Calm Kids? S2E37

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

We cannot believe it’s the final episode of season 2 of Honey You’re Ruining Our kid. We will be back in September with a brand new season for you all to enjoy. Thank you for supporting our show, you guys are just the best. Our show has grown because you guys have supported it and we are so appreciative. Emails will stay open all summer long, you need me, I’ll be there for you, that’s the whole reason for our show. I want mums and Dads to feel less alone. Question 1 "The Worst Waiting Game"Waiting for your child to have their needs assessed is the longest waiting game you’ll play as a parent. While you wait the feeling of isolation and worry can be overwhelming. This week a mum gets in touch wondering how she can help her son while they wait. There are so many online resources available to us these days. Once we know how to access them we can absolutely take control and try different things while we wait for the assessments teams to catch up. Question 2 "My Kid Is Worried At Night"If your child is complaining of a pain in their belly and the doctor can’t find a reason why, then anxiety probably is the reason. We see it all the time, children who are feeling worried but that worry is manifesting as a real pain in their stomachs. How do we help them through? How do we teach them how to cope? When it starts affecting their sleep, then this rolls out to affect the house, what can you do to both help your child and get the house back on track?Question 3 "My Kid Is Testing The Limits"How do you get your out of control 5 year old back on track. If he’s exhibiting new behaviours and testing your limits how do you get him back to being a calm and happy boy. Fair rules, set boundaries and seeing through consequences can change your life. Listen in to hear how best to put them in place. We wish you guys a happy summer ahead. Emails will remain open, pop one over whenever you need us and we will try our best to be there for you - [e-mail]. Why not play catch up while you wait for the next season? Season 1 and 2 are available wherever you get your pods. Become a Patreon member by www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad

It's the final episode of season two of Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid. Tina is beaming. I'm not beaming. I love doing this podcast. I'm doing it too. But everybody loves summer holidays. Yeah, and I don't know how we fit it all in this year. I really don't, especially you more than me. I honestly don't know how we fit it all in. It has gone by in the blink of an eye. It does seem like the first week we were talking about starting secondary school and kids going back to school, then try and settle them down to the idea of homework and all the rest of it.

And then before we knew it, we were talking about giving them the keys to the city at Christmas and coming back out of that, they really won't settle back in in January. It is a roller coaster of a year and I'm so happy that we were able to be here with you through it and so many of you have emailed over the past year. The support for our show has been immense. We really appreciate it. And please continue coming up to Tina and embarrassing her in the street. I don't do it with it well. Watching her respond to people saying, you're Tina from Honey, You're Raining, Arcade, is for me one of the funniest things.

As we said, we were meant to do an episode of Electric Picnic. Tina said, no. I'm sorry, Dare. It will never happen. I can't. I can't. I'll be there at Electric Picnic doing stand up. I'll also be there with Marion McKeown.

We're doing a live Irishman in America. If you want to come along to't. I'll be there at Electric Picnic doing stand up. I'll also be there with Marion McKeown. We're doing a live Irishman in America. If you want to come along to that, we'll be in the comedy or in the podcast tent. I want to start, though, because we are kind of covering what is going to be the last episode of this season, people listen to when they're heading off on their holidays, and an awareness is the sentence I wanted to start with an awareness of your part in the holidays was probably one of our most listened to episodes last year where we talked about certain one member of the parenting squad, if there is two of you,

is usually more on holiday than the other. I think we kind of tag team it. And that's probably not a bad option as well. Yeah. I think there's a greater awareness on my part of when I feel myself going cranky. Oh, that's a lot. Because I do get tired, believe it or not, and hungry. Yeah, OK, this is good because what is it?

Now, that is the sound of Jarlotte's eyeball. If anyone can hear that. Jarlotte's eyeball is so loud. Actually, Jarlotte did something so gross yesterday. I have to tell this story. This story does involve a lack of awareness as well. I've been telling Jarlotte for months. He keeps going.

I think I'm going deaf and I keep saying to him, Jarlotte, I think you just need to get your ears syringe. That's what they would have said back in the day. Yeah. Like the idea of a needle going into your ears must have scared so many people off getting their ears syringed. It was when you come back from your run. It sounds so weird.

And I'd be like, it just sounds like they're blocked. And anyway, yesterday, for whatever reason, we're passing spec savers. They happen to do ears now too. Eyes weren't enough for them. And they're like, yeah, we'll clean your ears. 65 euros, they'll suction your ears. Oh my God. They looked in and straight away. Come with a health warning. Yes, actually, if you're eating, step away.

Put down the food. Step away if you're eating. It was weird, it was just one of my ears. The other one was perfect. But the girl straight away was like, they're blocked. Come back later when the professional is here. Her official words were, oh, OK. Come back later.

One of your ears is. Oh God, I'm actually going to vomit. You've got a you've got a severe. But OK, stop. I'm so close to actually vomiting from the sympathy vomit here. But Jarl comes out proud as punch himself. He's like, you have a little jar they gave me as well. God. He had the, you have a little jar they gave me as well. Oh God.

He had the size of a small finger. Shrek candle. Shrek candle that was black. Imagine that. If anybody fancied me listening to this show in the past, they don't fancy me anymore. But you're a new man. I am a new man. I can hear you. You are. I'm so happy for you because I had a very similar moment like 25 years ago on the bus in TCD with my bestie Fiona Smith, who's just a lovely, lovely lady.

And I was fiddling around with my own ear. Right. And Fiona has never forgiven me for this. I was fiddling around my own ear and out it came. I pulled something out and I was so like, holy shit, look what just came in. Why? This is a double wax extraction to open the show. It was awful because I showed Fiona, I was so proud of myself, I was like, look what just came in my ear.

We were on the top deck at the bus. She made it down the stairs, got the bus driver to open the door and fell out the bus vomiting into bushes. It was awful. She has never forgiven me for that. Why is it even called your wax? Because it's wax. It's dirt. No, it's actual wax.

You don't call it snot and nose wax. OK, that's too far. We've done it. We've gone too far. OK, it's the last episode of Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid for the season. We're a little bit giddy. Of course, the emails are going to stay open. I will absolutely make sure I take the time to keep in touch and get back to people who ever gets in touch. But who is on a holiday? Like Mikey said, going by your primary school today, he said, so long, suckas. Oh my God. But it's all about to begin. For so many of you that listen to

this show, your kids aren't on holidays yet. They're just about to go on them. We've got a couple of really great questions that will relate to that and a whole extra chunk over on Patreon.com forward slash Irishman abroad. That's how we make the show. You join up there for a fiverr if you can afford it. And if you can afford it, you'll be paying for the people that can't. Takes a couple of clicks and you get access to the extra large episode of this show every week.

Marion McKeown on a Friday talking about America in the lead up to the election in November and Sonia Sullivan coaching you on how to run your best 5k. Imagine that. The GOAT. The greatest of all time. The Queen of Irish Athletics. Teaching you how to run. That's what I've had for the last four years. That's what you can have if you join up on Patreon this summer and start enjoying the archive when you're on your long walks on the beach, which I'm sure every parent is going to have,

loads of alone me time, we're gonna have a few recommendations in Patreon this week. Charlie, sometimes the idea of that alone time is enough. The idea of it. Yeah, like you can pretend in your head that that's gonna happen on your holiday. It will get you there and then if anything else happens, it idea of it. Yeah. Like you can pretend in your head that that's going to happen on your holiday. It will get you there. And then if anything else happens, it's a bonus.

It just throws a big old microscope on your whole family, though, doesn't it, the summer, you know, if somebody isn't getting enough time to themselves, that crack becomes more visible. And yeah, it is. I mean, strains in the relationships between your kids becomes more obvious because they're together and You know, we've heard some great stories and emails in the kids that have gone away to central parks and come back Different relationships formed because they didn't realize the struggles their little brother or sister might be going through It was only in that hotbox situation that they found it. But it can equally reveal things that you

weren't aware of as a parent that your kid is doing constantly because you're not in their presence. Absolutely. That's where our first question comes in, isn't it? Dear Tina, not Jar, fully understand. I fully understand why you've emailed Tina here and not me. Having listened to your great words of wisdom on many various parenting situations, I wish to ask for your guidance with regards my son's situation. My son is seven years old and has always had a tendency to jump up and down when excited,

nervous, angry, etc. as a way to regulate his emotions. Of course, Jesus, I do that. Yeah, a lot of children do that. It's just how constant is it? This began from the age of two and continues to this day. The preschool and school have noted it too. OK, right, I see. So it's much more so than me jumping up and down. This is a thing that he does to calm himself.

Yeah, he's self-regulating, which is very clever. He's coping. So the preschool noted that they say that he does not interfere with his learning and he's a happy child and loves playing with Lego and arts and crafts, et cetera. Like any seven-year-old boy full of sun, he is awaiting the assessment of need, which is only at stage two since April April 2022. Now you can explain to people abroad what that means in a moment Tina but I would appreciate how best to

handle the situation as I am unsure if I should simply observe it or discuss the jumping up and down with them. Any advice or guidance would be very much appreciated kind, anonymous. This is a great email because there must be so many people who are not quite at the stage of the assessment of where their kids are, who don't know what to do while they're in that circling the airport place. Well, unfortunately, it is a long period of time where parents are left to try and figure it out on their own.

This assessment of needs, especially in Ireland, in the UK, I don't know about European countries. It takes forever, even privately. Like there is such a delay. There's such a waiting list. There's so many parents out there who need help. And they have to be sure what they're saying. They need to make sure that there is a diagnosis there

and that the child actually needs it. And it's so tricky because every child is so different. And then the thing that you're going to find out, you will have needed to know yesterday. Yeah, because it's the support you're looking for. You're looking to put supports in place for your child so that they can reach the same potential as every other kid in that class. And it's gotten really tough because the funding has been reduced

and you're not just guaranteed to have and especially as assistant in the class who can give more time to other kids. I mean, there was a time in Ireland when schools were overrun with staff and like it was just a given, like your child will have the help they need. But that's just not the way it is at the moment. Not anymore. Unfortunately, there's so many coatbacks. It's so hard to know with this email if that's the only

thing he's doing. Like if that is... You need to meet this kid. Yeah. And if that is the only thing he's doing. Like if that is... You need to meet this kid. Yeah, and if that is the only thing they're doing, even if it's happening a lot, I think that it is just incredible that her child is so clever and in touch with how they feel that they were able to figure out a way of regulating themselves so early on.

So explain regulating because a lot of people listening to this will be like, well, my kid isn't properly on top of their emotions. Can I teach them a way to regulate themselves or should is my kid or they might be asking, is my kid actually that thing my kid does? Is that them regulating? Well, yeah, we understand it so much better now. I mean, there was a time when I first started teaching when when a kid was stimming or spinning or jumping up and down.

The idea was to help them stop doing that. Now we understand that that's actually them calming. They're trying to calm themselves there. You know, they're fulfilling a need inside themselves. themselves, they're fulfilling a need inside themselves. Now, sometimes these ways they do it aren't too convenient for the wider world. They get them attention that maybe that child doesn't need. So that's why a sensory diet is so important.

And maybe this lady doesn't know that implementing a sensory diet in her home will help her child so much. And she can just go onto the internet today and Google sensory diet exercises for my kid and a whole list of different types will come up and all you have to do when you have time go through them see what ones your kid likes what helps and then when you find the exercises you like maybe combine a list of ten different things and you give you repeat each one five times or ten times whatever you think your child needs and I'm talking getting a big therapy ball. Therapy balls are fantastic for sensory diet exercises and you can do things like getting your child to lie across the

therapy ball and rolling back and rolling forward, lie them on the ground, actually put pressure on the temporary therapy ball and roll it along them, getting them to squeeze the therapy ball against the wall as hard as they can, getting them turn around and squeeze it with their back and get brushes out, you can get special sensory brushes if you want to, brushing their arms, brushing their legs, brushing their backs, you know, those sensory balls you can get the light up, squeezing them, spiky balls. You can also my favorite one to do and the one I find works so well with children is a stretchy piece of material that you both sit down like you're doing row,

row the boat, but you're actually pulling as hard as you can and then going in. I mean, I just thrown it into YouTube here and there's tons and tons and tons. Basically everything you use for your running. I just have a little foot wheelie thing here you can hear in the background. And it literally is just me. It's for massaging your foot. Yeah. And now we live in a day where you can go on to Instagram, pop in OT and find an OT that's on Instagram showing you all these exercises to do with your kids.

Yeah. Like it's not something. Amazing that there was a time when you know you just were flying blind. You're flying blind and teachers were flying blind too, but now there's no excuse because every school will have a budget to buy the sensory material and your child with the jumping, all they might need at school is to wear a weighted scarf. Wow. Like that. That could be it. Like for a while, I mean, nothing lasts forever.

But that could be it. Or in circle, they might just need one of those cushions to sit on or on their chair. There's so many ways of helping them cope. But I don't think the jumping is the worst thing. And also I would provide him with lots of opportunities for jumping. As in get one of those small trampolines for your house with the bar. Why not? Like, you know, it's a good exercise anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, is that like you say that? And you mentioned that to me before we came out here, that trampoline thing. Like that wouldn't be what a person thinks. They think I have to get him to plant his feet. Yeah. What we used to think was I need to get him to stop. Yeah. But actually he's coping more than we'll ever understand.

And he's actually figured out how to cope independently. And that is fantastic. But the sensory diet exercises will definitely help them be able to feel calmer and get through the world better. Like you can ask the teacher to do them at school if she feels that need them. I mean, nearly every school has a sensory room now. It's just a way more understanding time for these kids. Thank goodness.

But I do feel bad for her because while she waits, you know, I don't know how long she could be waiting. I mean, that's two years she's waiting already. Yeah. Well, look, best of luck with this. And please do email in if that helps, because so many emails throughout this season were around this area, and of course, Dean has got back to them all. Yeah. And the sensory diet has come up again and again and again. We're going to link that in the info so that if you think that maybe you could do it some sort of sensory diet or routine each day, then you will know.

At least you'll have the basics heading into the summer. And if there's more than the jumping going on here, this lady just gets back and touch me and like just makes a list of every different thing he's doing, I can respond to each one and wait for her to help them through it. Okay, lovely stuff. I want to ask you a serious question after this. I hope you're ready for that. Okay. Let's go. Do we need to have a safe word? Or when I need to wind it down?

You know when you're in a thing and there's a moment with your kid where it's like, listen, you're not listening or X, Y, and Z, right? Do we need a safe word for me? Where we go, we need to talk outside ourselves. Do all couples need this? It's like we can't go, hey, stop what you're doing or the kid thinks, ah, you're being reeled in, you know?

But do we need to be able to go pause? I've just told us, I've just recognized something. I know what's happening here. You and me need to duck out here for a second without saying that to each other. Because we've all been in that situation where we're hearing our partner or other parent go down the wrong road. You're addressing this wrong. This isn't the way that I do this. And that I think that if we change course here, we could have more success. And getting that susbjog to draw breath, the two ye,

and go, look, this is what we'll do. This is what we'll say instead, rather than where we're going right now. I guess what I'm saying is that when you are trapped in the hotel room, the Airbnb, the mobile home by the beach where the two of you need to talk, most people are texting their partner in these moments. But is it worthwhile if you don't have a phone to hand sending you a text to have a kind of a code word to get out of there to go? We need to chat about this. Yeah, I think it's it's probably a really good idea and a good idea to go on

holidays, which for sure, and then probably a good idea to have in practice in your house. I think the the only worrying bit is that your kids cop on. Get us too quick. Yeah. They'll know. Yeah. But I do think, I mean, when you're in the middle of something and you feel like your partner doesn't have your back when they're using the code word, that can be a bit infuriating, I think. So maybe there needs to be an understanding

that using the code where it doesn't mean I think what you're doing is wrong. I think we just need to talk about it. Yeah. But like the reason why I bring it up is because I just know from as again, we said last week, there's a lot of people heading away on these trips and these holidays. And they're dreading it. They're dreading it. They're actually going. this is going out.

Like we said, the microscope. There's going to be these tough moments, especially if you're well, who knows what your relationship is like, but especially if you've got kids aged between 11 and 14. That is tough. You don't know what kind of moods are waking up every day. You don't know how bored they'll get of the holiday really fast. Like it's tough. You're managing. You're managing a lot.

See, I think as well, you really have to go on your holiday knowing, I'm just going to try my best, see how this goes. I mean, I can't expect my family to fall into the holiday I want. I just got to hope it's not a disaster. Someone asked me when I was out and about to fall into the holiday I want. I just got to hope it's not a disaster. Someone asked me when I was out and about whether they could ask you if there's an argument for leaving the games behind on the trip. They were going to wait for two weeks to France and there's all this chat about how

much gaming the kid was going to do when they're all there thinking as well, we're going to be out and about. We're going to be outdoors. And the kid is already kind of kind of prepping them for how much they're going to be playing it. Like that is a very tough question because this could trigger World War Three. Well, we have experience with this because last year we did this. And I think it really worked.

I think, you know, once they understood their gaming consoles were not coming on the holiday, they did kind of throw themselves into it and we did not regret not bringing it for sure. I'm not so sure. You made the case for a break. Yeah, like I'm definitely making that case again this year, for a break. Yeah, like I'm definitely making that case again this year. But like I know it's going to get backlash. So we're going on holidays in three weeks. I basically have to start planting that seed next week on.

Yeah. Because if you bring your consoles on holiday, well, it helps her. We're going to. There's no TV. No TV in Oxford, so you can't stream anything to anything. Yeah. Yeah. You're not really on holidays if you don't stream anything to anything. Yeah. Yeah. You're not really on holidays if you don't get a break from those things anymore. You really aren't.

And you're kind of training your child to know that when you go on holidays, it is a holiday away from everything that's normal at home. This is a time, holidays when I was a kid was always a time where we threw ourselves out there. We got into nature. We did something different every day. While your parents were in the pub. Yeah. Absolutely.

I took this on myself. Dear Jarlath and Tina. I love your pod and listen all the time. Today, however, I love your pod and listen all the time. Today, however, I'm getting in touch to get some advice for a situation which I'm struggling with. I thought she was like, today, however, I'm taking issue. One of the big problems with one of the things he said.

And my daughter is seven and is all mostly wonderful. Wait now. My daughter is seven and is the most wonderful, funny, smart, kind little girl. I always love the preface about how great the kid is in spite of what's about to come. She loves school, has lots of friends and is members of many clubs and after school activities. She is, however, quite an anxious child and mainly portrays this at home. She will become upset easily and worried about things that haven't even happened yet. Back in March she started complaining of having a pain in her lower tummy at night. We had checked it twice at the doctor's but there was no reason found for the pain.

It only emerged at bedtime so out of desperation I allowed my daughter to start sleeping in my bed to help her over this hump of anxiety as I believed her pain to be anxiety based. Her dad moved to the spare room and we constantly reassured our daughter that she was safe and could stay in her bed as long as she needed to. Well, this has since grown legs, and we're stuck in a situation where our daughter needs me to lie next to her until she falls asleep. Admittedly, I have no problem with this,

as it's my favorite part of the day, and she's asleep in minutes. However, this then grew out of school, because, out of control, this then grew out of control, because when I now try to leave the room, she wakes up immediately I prevent alights until I lie down beside her again

This could happen four times each night before she finally stays asleep and falls into a deep sleep I've tried speaking to her about it And all she can tell me is she's scared to be alone at night We got a night in, a special teddy, which keeps bad dreams away, and we constantly reassure she isn't alone by leaving the bedroom door open, but she will only settle if I'm with her.

She goes to bed at 7.30, is usually asleep at 7.45 or eight at the latest, so falling asleep isn't the issue, but she could then wake three or four times if I try to leave the room before finally conking out at 10pm. Yikes. We have a good bedtime routine and always have done, but this latest issue is causing so much upset for all of us and I'm terrified I've done this by reassuring her she can sleep with me as long as she needs to.

Hate to see her upset and crying at night time and want her to feel safe and secure. But I'm running out of ideas and I'm worried I'll lose my patience one of these nights and we'll get cross with her about it. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Whoa, that is so difficult. That is so difficult. The doozy. That is so difficult. Oh my goodness. What do you do when you get these emails

and you're like, oh shit. Oh, my stomach drops. I'm like, how am I gonna help? The first proper piece of advice I'm gonna give this woman is she needs to get the Dr. Mary O'Kane book, The Anxious Children. I know I keep saying it, but.

Anxious Children in an anxious world. It's so incredibly helpful from a parent's point of view. On this specific kind of stuff? Yes, it's all about this. Now look, you haven't done anything wrong getting her into your bed and everything. I wouldn't have ever recommended you do that, but that's what you felt like you needed to do at the time.

So that's where we are, that's okay. Also, I would say when she tells you the things she's feeling, just say, just don't, what's the word, don't dissolve them, don't dissipate them, just agree and tell her yeah that is how you're feeling, these are real feelings, thank you for telling me, now what can we do about it? You've got to get her in a better place to problem solve her feelings. OK, that's great. You've told me you're afraid of that. Now, let's do something about it.

You can't allow her to go into a frame of thinking where she tells you what she's thinking and then she gets to hug herself in that fear. And it becomes bigger and bigger all the time. There has to now be a okay. That's what's going on. Now. What is our plan of action for that? In terms of the bedroom, she is seven years old. She is way too old to be in with her mom. It's actually not fair on you and daddy either. So what I would suggest is give it time, bush, start during the day,

peppering her with like really lovely compliments of you are getting so big. You're such a big girl now. I can really see you're growing up to be such an independent young lady. OK, and then you say we are doing up your room. Now, I don't mean like spending a lot of money on a room. I just mean the room needs to be reimagined so that there's a new space she's going back into. OK, wow, this is great.

Even if that's just, you know, a different colour on the wall, some posters on the wall, different lights, her room is it's going to be an event that she's changing her room as much as you can afford to do that. Even if it's just changing the position of the bed. This is her room, her safe space. Her room is a very safe place where we go to for when we're feeling tired and we need to sleep. We all have our own bedrooms to sleep in. Now she has the nightlight. She has a teddy bear. All those things need to go in there. Maybe a little walkie talkie. We find that very useful for a long time.

The worries if she needs it during the night, she's able to get in touch with you. That's great. The sandbox in our house has changed our life. Completely. That has really been in touch with us who are grownups that have difficulty sleeping. That is Amazon sandbox. Nine ninety nine. Yeah. Just a bit of white noise, sea noise.

Yeah. And you get to turn it on as much as you need it. And there's a little night light on it too. It's amazing. It changed our life. With something, she needs to fall asleep with sound in the room because she's awakening when she hears anything. And if she falls asleep with sound, it'll be better. There are really able to use the white noise box and phase out your own lying

down with her or you think a full stop needs to happen. Oh, yeah. This whole lying down with a full stop. Absolutely. And if mommy needs to be in the room for a while, maybe mommy sits on the floor. But that's actually too much. Or sits on a stool outside the door. Yeah, it's not realistic to be able to do what you're doing.

It's absolutely too much. You cannot keep that going in the long term. It's very kind what you're doing, but it's not realistic. And when she wakes up in the night, it's absolutely OK for you to go in, give her a big hug, tell your lover, that's it. She stays in her own bed. And if you have to bring her back and bring her back, she has to stay in her own bed. She's crying and hyperventilating.

Yeah, I know. But every time she does that, she is getting, you know, feedback rewarded for that. It's very hard. We know it's very hard. We struggled with our own kid for a long time, having things in his sleep that were really worrying for us. But I promise you, if you're very clear on your plan, once you start it, if you know that you will not go back, I'm never, ever, ever suggesting that anyone is cruel to their child. At the end of the day, you have to do what suits your family most.

But if it was me, I would prepare the bedroom. I would make it a very exciting place. Make sure you get play dates where her bedroom is used. That's her space for her friends. Get her some nice books, just make it her really special place, put her name on the door, things like this, just really attaching the bedroom to her. Then you have a wonderful bedtime routine, but maybe as you turn off the light or as you turn on the night light to put a meditation playing in the room or a sound

box, make sure she's falling asleep with noise and then if she's waking during the night giving her that reassuring kiss, putting her down and sharing that role with your partner. It should not all be on you. Yeah it does sound a little bit just her doesn't it? But it's probably because as a mother sometimes you feel like you're the only one who can meet those needs but actually she's too attached now she needs to feel like daddy will meet those needs too. But with the anxiety, I mean, it's such a worry. You really struggle.

Like, I mean, it's the one thing as a parent, you really, really gives you that worry nut in your tummy. And I think, you know, we mentioned the journaling, but she's seven years old. She can definitely journal. And before nighttime, it would be really good if she can write down, you know, the things she's worrying about and what am I going to do about them and things to look forward to tomorrow. That would really help calm her mind too. Yeah. What was the name of the journal you used to recommend to people all the time?

The Headplan Journal. Headplan Journal. It's very good, but that's very expensive. You can actually get them in Dundrum, I think, at the moment. Yeah, they are in Dundrum. But you know, seeing some great advice there, an awful lot to absorb. We might even review that or link the.

Well, I still have to get in touch with this mom, so I'll really be very careful. The Mary O'Kane book, guys. Dr. Mary O'Kane's book is so helpful. This book is our book of the year. It's so helpful. Get it and, you know, use it as a guide. In that book, she actually gives you the dialogue you need to use it to your child.

The words. And she gives you why the insights as to why is my child behaving like this? Which when you have a why, it's so much easier to understand. But knowing what to say and what to do, it's just amazing. You do not want this child at age 10 still like this. We need to get on top of it now. This is like last class before the summer holidays, isn't it? This is the very last question.

A little bit. Before our summer break. We'll be back in September when you start back at school or nursery or whatever it is. And we've got some big, big things happening in September. We're going to talk about that in Patreon. Yeah, we talk a little bit about it over there. If you want to come over, this is a good time to do it. Patreon.com forward slash Irishmen Abroad. But big, big things happening for Honey, You're Ruining Our Kid in September. You'll want to be on board for that.

But last class, Tina, are you going to phone this in? Are you going to be the teacher that puts on the video here? I've never been the teacher. You seem exhausted. I've loved doing this podcast. I love it. I love meeting the people who listen to it. They're absolutely they're the coolest people ever. You're so lovely.

I am tired today. Yeah. Yes. Yes. We played a lot of crazy golf today. Yeah. Yeah. So there's been an interval in between question two and question three, where we played 18 holes of crazy golf. No more than that.

We played it twice. I can't do the right. They do 18s. Thirty six. Yeah. Thirty six holes ago. Yeah. And my arm was really hurting me. I'm such a loser. But you play crazy golf with such a level of intensity.

Yeah. I've never seen anybody hammer the ball at the... Some of those crazy golf links are so crazy. What are they thinking? How are they expecting anyone to... If anyone saw who you were playing, they would go, that woman's definitely mentally ill. You're not allowed to say that.

OK. OK. Hello, Jarlath and Tina. I love your show. I need some help. I'm feeling a little lost the last few weeks. My son just turned five and I feel like his behavior has escalated and I'm not sure what to do I wonder what this have anything to do with The turning of five the birthday party we'll get to that in a minute. Yeah, because when they really know yeah, absolutely keys to the city job

and He's now throwing himself on the floor with tantrums where the left is if that's's brand new, that's bitter. For a five year old, that's unusual. Yelling at me, telling me no, not listening. Well, get used to that. I mean, a lot of men don't grow out of that. Where's the sweet hopeful? Is this something that happens around this age? Well, that's a really good question, as you said.

I know he's testing his limits. I'm trying to give him more guided independence, such as a job chart and helping me with different things. I know I'm not alone. I just feel like I am recently. Tips on ways to help with him with these big emotions would be a massive help and a massive help to anybody heading into this. There's two things that happen when they're five. First of all, they have the big birthday party

that they're finally aware of. They're also moving into a different stage of consciousness, you know. What do you mean? Well, they're no longer unconsciously absorbing the world. They're going into a consciously aware of themselves, aware of the things around them and also they're going to school and they're seeing other kids behave and they're like I'm going to try that. Yeah, yeah so they're going to try these new moves they learned in school and they're impressed when they see it and it could take a while but they will try it. Observing other kids' drawing attention and being like I didn't know we could do this. This is an option.

I can't wait to do this at home. Wait till my mom sees this. Feet off the floor. Picked up and I get a hug. Yeah. It's so funny how they, they watch their watches, like they take it all in and they do it. They try it out, you know, So really the job chart is superb. What she's doing there. I would think she's going to have to bring in a warning, you know, like and a consequence. He can't just get away with that behavior. She needs to try and fizzle it out.

And, you know, the best way to do that is to be very, very good with boundaries and rules in a very fair and conscious way. And for him to know that if he's doing something wrong, for you to be able to come in and say, what I really am not happy with what you're doing right now. This is not something we do in our house. I'm asking you to stop. I'm giving you a warning. If you cannot stop this behavior, this will happen. Then if he does it, he gets the consequence. Next time you hope that telling him there's going to be a consequence will be enough. Right. Yeah, and will happen. Then if he does it, he gets the consequence. Next time you hope that telling him there's going to be a consequence

will be enough. And it works. That tone of voice there is everything, isn't it? Yeah, you really have to be very clear and leading and no room for bullshit. Like, take me seriously. I mean what I say. Like how many of us struggle? It's kind of robotic. Like, don't put any emotion into it. Just be stern and firm. Yeah, that's so hard, Tina.

You're so practiced in it, like you just go there. You're like a PGA golfer on the green. You're like breathing, focused, absolutely measured. Whereas I'm like you playing crazy golf. Like if you don't, stop it. I'm giving a can of tree. Hello, I'm taking big swings. I don't know if the ball's gonna go in the snake

and shoot out his arse. I think it's just such a great tool for parents to have though and a habit to get into because when you see how much a warning and a consequence works and how much hammer then they are in themselves knowing what they can and cannot get away with. It's like you've unlocked a secret to parenting because you don't have the erratic child anymore.

They know where they stand. I'm not saying, you know, loads of rules. I'm just saying that your kid needs to know where they stand. That clarity. They do have some kind of clarity, my mom won't let me do that. That's it. That was my next question.

How important is it to make sure that dad is 100% following that too? I mean, in a perfect world, both parents really need to behave the same way. But as long as you've got one strong parent, you're gonna be okay. Right. Because even if it's not dad that's the problem,

they'll usually find a grandparent uncle. Well, grandparents are always a problem, but they're a lovely problem for the child. But they definitely make it harder for you to parent because you're the whole time going, oh, you would never have let me do that. You know? Here's the killer, right? If we let me do that. You know, here's the killer, right?

If we don't do that in this house, you can stop that now and I'm giving you a warning. And if you don't stop it, there will be a consequence. I would just stop you being very tough on them. OK, well, in that situation, I would just ignore that. Later on, I would take the time to say to the child that I'm your mother. Nanny is your nanny. You do what I tell you.

Should you slap your nanny? Should you... No. Because you want to model good behaviour. You don't do that. You got to model good behaviour. Like, that's your mother. You're telling him to respect his mother,

but you also have to respect your mother. Talk to the nanny. Stop it. But I do think it's better if the nanny is around to take the child out of the room. Don't parent in front of her. Don't give them the opportunity to butt in. That's summer 101, right? It doesn't matter if they're 13, 15, two or five.

You're going to be around more relations. Yeah. I need you outside to have a quick chat with you. 15, two or five. You're going to be around more relations. Yeah. And this... I need you outside to have a quick chat with you. I found something very interesting that I think you're going to like out here. Yeah. Down to the level. You're getting a warning right now.

Yeah, exactly. I'm telling you, I will end you. Ha ha ha. Shut up. I have unique set of skills. But you know, like this whole podcast came about because we were like, parents are worried about being judged, judged, judged. And in those moments, you've never felt more judged. But as long as you know what you're doing and you know you're being fair and you love your child,

you have got to give zero fucks about what anyone else thinks. You're trying your best. We're all surviving out here and you are trying your best. That's a that's a lovely way to finish season two, Tina. Wow. Season two, a whole two seasons and onto season three. How am I going to get through a whole season? I can't pronounce properly. I'm so excited for season three.

You have no idea the stuff we've got planned. Come over to Patreon. Don't hype it up too much. No, no, it's a whole new beginning. Yeah, it is. It is a fresh, fresh start. Fresh start? Fresh start. Me and Jarl used to do that to each other. Anytime we had an argument. First start. Where did we get that from? I think it comes from the other guy's movie. But like this is a fresh start. It's fresh. It is a fresh start in September. We stopped doing the fresh starting and that was good because it always punctured whatever you had done.

We stopped doing that for a starting and that was good because it always punctured whatever you had done Because he was always in the wrong Guys come over to patreon Why not? Well come on. It's June. You don't have to come over. You don't have to but if you can You're paying for the people that can't. Yeah, it'd be sound but you do not have to. Honest to God That's the only way this podcast Honest to God, that's the only way this podcast makes sense. All of our podcasts, all of the podcasts are funded by the Patreons. Irish Man Abroad Big Interviews are coming back. Ooh, that's big news.

I'll explain all of that over on Patreon and what the big changes are here for Honey Runeo and our kid. And what was the other thing you were going to talk to us about over on Patreon? I can't remember because we started recording this podcast two days ago. Okay, come on Patreon. I can't remember because we started recording this two days ago. Okay, come on over. Tina, thank you so much for season two. It's been an absolute joy. It has been a pleasure, Jarrod. You're welcome.

You're welcome.