Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Terrible Travelling Kids, Tantrums Are Back & Pre Teen Blues

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

We are so excited to be back. Thank you to everyone who has been keeping in touch and who have been so supportive of our parenting podcast. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind so it’s lovely to be able to sit down together again and try and help dome parents feel less alone. Question 1- Tantrums and meltdowns are exhausting for the child and the grown up. How can we navigate our kids through them? How can we help them regulate their emotions and learn to manage them? It takes practice. It takes time. Even the worst behaviour can improve. There is always hope. Find the cause of the behaviour and you’ll find the answer to it. Shout out- To the main man Steve Daly who is officially our favourite person in the world. Listen in to find out why! Question 2- With the holiday season approaching how do you tackle the travel with children who have no patience for travelling. Is there a recipe for a successful trip with toddlers? Is it even possible to go a whole flight without a meltdown? What is required from the parent to ensure that the whole family survives the train, plane or automobile. Question 3- Teenagers. We are all afraid of them. Teenage dread is a real panic most parents experience. Will we lose our gorgeous kid to hormones? How much does the responsibility of navigating these teenage years actually fall on our shoulders as parents. The more informed we are of what they are actually experiencing the more we can try to lean into understanding this tumultuous phase of their lives. Thank you for listening in. We are so happy to be back. Send in any questions you have to [e-mail]. We will be back in two weeks. www.jigser.com/gigs for tickets to the live Jarlath Regan tour shows. 

It's honey you're ruining our kid back back at last I'm here with Tina how are you doing Tina? I am good I'm really good I'm excited that we're back. I can't believe that we haven't sat down and done this in so long we're so appreciative for all the emails you guys getting in touch going what's what's going on when is it coming back? And all the people we met who listened to the show while we've been at shows. It's amazing. And shout out to that gorgeous lady in Boston who was like, please bring it back. Yeah, yeah. We've had a lot of that.

And honest to God, I think taking a brief hiatus or break from the podcast allowed people to catch up on previous seasons of the show because we've effectively covered every topic there is to cover in the three seasons of this show. You had no time. I didn't have the time. You had time. I'm obviously off touring America for most of April and now I'm going through the UK this week. I'm in Birmingham, Cardiff and Liverpool. And Bristol. And Bristol, oh my god.

They're basically all sold out except for a few tickets in Liverpool and Cardiff if you fancy coming along. But it has just been wild. Yeah it has been wild. Like I was just sitting here looking at Charlotte and I was thinking I don't even remember what we've done because it's such a blur. Everything just feels blurry and mushy. Yeah definitely we were struggling a lot with jet lag when we got back to the Palmos to what we've done because it's such a blur. Everything just feels blurry and mushy. Yeah, definitely.

We were struggling a lot with jet lag when we got back to the palm was to get straight back into things. But it took about two weeks for me not to feel like I was. I felt like basically ill the whole time, kind of submerged a little bit. Yeah. And it was understandable for you to feel like that because you've been doing all the shows. You've just been sitting inside a stage. Yeah. Having the crack.

You know, Tina's Tina's working on each of these shows. If you don't know, Tina's also my manager in the home and on the stage. I thought you were going to say in the bedroom. In the bedroom. I'm most definitely in the bedroom. I have no clue what I'm doing in there. I need a manager at all times. Micro managing me. I don't know how you do what you do as the management side of this because it is all encompassing all the time.

Never ending. But you know what? I'm just so happy that it's going well because I miss my old job so much. I miss working with kids. If you don't already know, Tina's background is, of course, in early learning, severe behavioral issues. That's what qualifies her to help you when you email honey. You're ruining our kid at gmail.com. 20 years, Tina.

I mean, of course you're going to miss it. Yeah, I really miss working with children. I really do. And but like, I love this. This is a really big adventure we're on. But just just to say for a second, Charlotte doesn't know who Miss Rachel is. And this is kind of like has blown my mind. Just before we press play,

I'm going to be the only person on this. I don't know. Listen to this right now. I don't know. You don't know who Miss Rachel is. It's unbelievable. Like she's like modern day Mary Poppins, like kids. There's videos trending every day of kids who like won't smile until they see her face.

Really? Yeah, she's amazing. But I always find that it's odd to me that people don't know who Nikola Jokic is. People will be going, who's that? He's one of the greatest basketball players ever to have lived. He's like changed the game of basketball. No, don't know.

And I'm sure Miss Rachel has probably changed the game of parenting. Is that her thing? Well, I don't know about that, but she's definitely like she's got this gorgeous show that she does where she does all the sounds and the numbers of kids and sing songs. That's what she does. Yeah. But she's also very brave in her voice. She's not afraid to use her voice. She gets a lot of stick, but I just can't believe you don't know. That's what she does. Yeah. But she's also very brave in her voice. She's not afraid to use her voice.

She gets a lot of stick, but I just can't believe you don't know her. I'll do my research on her. We're back in the office now. So keep the emails coming in. We're going to try and push this out right through to the summer and prepare you and help you for what is the most challenging time of the parenting year. Aside from Christmas, is trying to keep these little darlings entertained in the case of teens for three months.

No one in England ever believes it. I'm like, yeah, Mikey gets his holidays at the end of the month. They're like, what? He's home for three months. I mean, it doesn't get the parent at all. But I mean, for the child, it's fabulous. But for the parent parent it's like, how am I gonna take care of you every day? And it's gonna throw up all kinds of questions and everything that you've been putting on the long finger

as a parent is gonna come back in the next few months. So what better time to get honey you're ruining your kid back up and running? And today we've three amazing questions for you. We've got it all listed in the info, what each question is. But if you've got a bad traveler or a kid that's an issue on a plane or in a car, you'll need to listen to this episode.

Is your teen throwing tantrums or is your little one throwing tantrums? It's all covered in today's episode of Honey, You're Riding Our Kid. Tina, it's great to be back. It's great to be back. Hello. Tina's great to be back. Hello! Tina's just shown me the Miss Rachel videos of kids just beaming at the sound of this woman's voice. I now understand who Miss Rachel is. I have no

idea how it goes past here. She's an entertainer and educator. She's an educator yeah. She does these videos are they on TV are they on YouTube only? She started off on, yeah. She does these videos, are they on TV? Are they on YouTube only? She started off on YouTube, but like there's dolls and clothes and she goes on morning shows. Why do they love her so much, do you think? These are tiny little babies. Yeah, well, it's that thing I'm telling you about the game show host.

She's cracked it. She has shown, like I really hope parents are paying attention. You can get your kids, she's leading with happiness, energy, everything's fun. Positivity. Positivity radiates out of this lady. And babies and little toddlers love that. And you can trick them,

I don't mean to use that word trick, but you are kind of manipulating them into doing things just with that energy. There's a reason why they love her. They want to feel happy around the grownups around. Yeah. And when you hear parents talking to kids like grownups, you're going to have to eat your food before we go outside. Miss Rachel is like, you know what we gotta do.

You look like you're crazy. Yeah. But but that's not the point. You know what we gotta do, you look like you're crazy. Yeah, but. But that's not the point. You don't, your child is not going to a great Montessori or earlier setting if the teacher is not doing Miss Rachel at least some parts of her day. Yeah. You have got to have that energy.

Like Miss Rachel, to me, just has it down. Is that tiring though? She's baby whispering. I don't know because you get such positivity from the kids. They're just beaming at you. They're so happy. They're like, this person just wants to make us happy today. Everything's fun.

Why wouldn't we do it? Like, I mean, it works. I know it works because I've been doing it my whole life. Why does it work is the next question. I think it's that thing where they feel like kind of excited. This is fun. We're really safe. This woman's going to make their day better.

Like she's smiling. I mean, smiling is a language in itself, like smiling at your kid from the minute they're born is so important. Make sure the resting face is happy. You know, resting sulky kid face though is so important. Make sure the resting face is happy. You know, resting sulky kid face though is epidemic across the world. Oh, you see it. And you know what? It breaks my heart because you just know that kids are not getting smiled at enough. I mean, it is great advice I got off my sister-in-law that when your baby wakes

up, make sure the first thing they see is your smile. Yeah, what an amazing piece of advice. And it really worked. They think it's a positive thing that they've woken up. Yeah. Yeah. And this first question of the day, though, relates to tantrums. And they're often when you see a kid throwing a tantrum, you wonder who did he see throwing the toys out of the pram?

But it's not really the case, is it? No, there's so many. There's always a reason for behaviors. Yeah. But I mean, I, you know what I'm like when I see a kid throwing a tantrum. I'm always impressed. By the child. By the child.

I really am. I love to observe it. I'm like, you know, I obviously... On what level are you impressed? Well, if they're standing up for themselves, I'm impressed. And you have to be so careful about squashing that. But if they're just having like an absolute meltdown because they're not getting their own way, you kind of can't react. You got to navigate that tantrum

because your reaction is going to make the next tantrum what it's going to be. Yeah. You know, but this next email, I feel so bad about it because this is a lady who's been in touch before and we had so many emails coming in and out while we're on the break and some of them, some of them didn't get seen until this week. And I felt so bad because this woman, when Giarda reads that. But that's a really rare occurrence, Stine. It is rare. Stine is back to everybody who emails the show. When that's a really rare occurrence, Tina. It is rare. Very hard on yourself because Tina's back to everybody

who emails the show. Hunter and New Yorkid at gmail.com. But when you read it, they're gonna know why I feel bad because she's like completely at the end of her tether. Okay, well let's hit it. Hi Tina, I was in touch a few months ago with my strong-willed four-year-old son. We've tried everything, or so I thought,

and things are improving hugely. But in the last three weeks, and this is a thing, right? You know what's coming? A regression in behavior. And I know parents listen to this and they're like, that's what we're living through. The last three weeks of behavior has really gone downhill to the point where we have been called to the Montessori three times because of his emotional outbursts.

He's been kicking, biting, hitting his teachers and flying into a rage constantly. The reason is the same each time, which is going to be a positive in terms of you dealing with this. We can identify that this is this is his trigger. He plays with something. He puts it down. He plays with something else and comes back to the first things 30 minutes later,

but of course someone else is playing with it, understandably, and then he loses the plot. I would say loses his shit, but she's gone with the word plot and starts screaming. Right. And then it's a full meltdown. He has gotten to the point where I feel that the Montessori are considering asking him to stay at home indefinitely.

I'm at a complete loss. We've tried incentives, consequences, one to one time, reminding him of how much we love him, reading books about emotions, the colour monster, Tina's favourite. I love that. How do you feel today? Another classic. I don't know if you do one to one sessions with parents, Tina. She doesn't at the moment. But if you do, I'd really like to book one in. This is taking over our lives and completely disrupting our family life. And that's the other side of this. Of course it is, because, you know, the whole joy of Montessori or early years for the child, for the parents, sorry, is that for a few hours you get to just relax and know your child safe.

This mom isn't getting that relaxed time because she's worried they're going to be on the phone going, he's after melting down again. Now, there is a positive to his meltdowns at his earlier setting in that he feels extremely comfortable there. Yeah, he's not bottling it. Yeah, he's content. You know, he's not trying to not act himself. And I know that's a weird positive to take from this, but in a way, he actually really likes his teachers in the earlier setting, or he wouldn't feel free enough to outburst like that because he's expressing himself.

Yeah. So that's the only positive there I can think of because that behavior is quite extreme and I feel awful for biting, kicking, screaming. Like this is a very upset child who feels a real unfairness and specifically around turn taking, which is not unusual. Like we're all coping with that. I mean, you're still pretty bad at it. I still have a problem with it. You're terrible.

Mine. Mine go. I mean, turn taking. I mean, most kids can't cope with it. Some of them are very good at trying, but most of them can't. And the advice for this woman, though, I mean, first of all, I'm so sorry that the situation in Montessori that is very hard for any parent. I mean, basically, he's could be asked to leave his earlier setting. First thing I would say on that one. You know all about that. Charlotte. Charlotte was asked to leave. Definitely put outside a couple of times. But I think she hasn't. She said that they're considering she feels like they're considering they may not they're considering. They may not be at all. They may not be at all.

Your paranoia as a parent in this situation is everybody's thinking this. Everyone's thinking that. Most people aren't thinking what you think they're thinking. Some judgemental fuckers are. Yeah. But I would say the school is more patient than she gives them credit. You would hope. You'd hope. You'd hope. But just to say that to her, to kind of go, don't worry. Yeah. They're not going to boot them because they don't want you saying,

well, my kid was going through this and they kicked him out of the school. It would be terrible for their reputation. And also you would hope. Like I've never met a teacher yet who isn't in a teacher meeting with other teachers discussing a child like this and not trying to figure out a way to help them. Yeah, solve it. Like, I mean, it would be very unusual for a school to say he can't come here anymore.

And that is more a mark of the teachers than your kid. I love making this podcast, by the way, just so you know, I love these chats. This this I really feel like you're going to help this lady here because turn taking. Well I haven't helped her so far. Right. Well, let's get into the advice specifically around the turn taking. If we know that this is the thing. 30 minutes later, after playing with the toy, he returns to the toy to find another

child playing with it and that sets him off. What's the first thought on that? Well, she needs to talk about that a lot. Right. They need to be talking about it and practicing. This is a kid who needs to play games at home with his family. They need to practice, you know, start small, you know, connect for games that have very quick turn taking, build it up, you know, to, I don't know what other games that are.

Catan, that's a bit small scale of my go your go. Yes. We wait for our go and then we have another go. So it could be just something as simple as throwing balls. Oh, absolutely. And also have all the aspects of the conversation of turn taking. Sometimes there is an unfairness to it. Sometimes it won't work out. Someone's go is longer than your go. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're better at it.

You have to wait. But what this lady and actually the school need is to use the de-escalation script. And that is a technique I learned in the school I went to. I worked in England. I worked with a fabulous teacher there, Rachel Rowe, who I just thought was like the best teacher I've ever worked with in my life. And she developed this de-escalation script for the kids. And I really saw it work in real time with children who are really struggling.

And what it is, is she recognized that in those moments of proper meltdowns, that the child just needs you to hear them. They need to feel heard. And so the first thing is you get down to their level and you calmly just say their name. And it sounds so silly, but actually saying someone's name and being at their level can just kind of stop them in the moment of going.

It's how the cops would talk somebody off a ledge. Yeah, you know. Find out his name. Yeah. Yeah. Then it's recognizing, labeling their emotion and not as a bad thing. So it's saying to them, I can see you are so angry about this. You feel this is unfair. You know, just helping them to label what they're feeling, you know, all the time.

Just staying calm. Don't go to their level. You are like this hurt your feelings. You're very, very angry. And that's okay. And it is okay for your child to feel angry. There's so much at the moment of you can't be sad, you can't be angry, you need to be happy in camp. But of course you have to get angry about certain things. Of course you do. And of course you're gonna have times when you're sad. So your child needs to know, yeah, I'm feeling angry right now and that's okay. So it's important for you to hear. This de-escalation script has probably been a bit maligned in recent years because you would see it in a movie or a TV show where it's like, oh my God, just tell the

kid to stop doing that. Yeah. And they're like, look at this, you know, new agey person going, Sean, I can see you're angry. But that kind of media really undermines what is like you've heard you talk, seen you do this. Yeah, I do it all the time. This is something I really put into practice straight away because it does work. And it was, it's a really useful tool because what it does is, it gets you out of the situation way faster than just waiting for the kid to come down. Because I mean when you're working with a three and a four year old if you're expecting them to just calm down that could take a long time and they could be they might only calm down because they're so exhausted. So then

it's distraction, you know, you're not going to deal with whatever it is in that moment because that is going to upset them again. So once you have them calm, don't start talking about the thing you needed to wait. Yeah. You know, don't do that yet. Take them away. Go somewhere else. Turn on the tap.

Let them play with the water. Get them to a calmer place. go somewhere else, turn on the tap, let them play with the water, get them to a camera place and later say, I know it was hard for you to wait your turn and you got so angry and when you were angry, you used your hands and your mouth and your feet and you hurt some people and that's not OK. We cannot do that. When you feel angry,

we need to figure out a way for you to help yourself not get angry at other people. So let's think of things we can do. Maybe we can count to 10. Maybe we can take deep breaths. Maybe you can come to the teacher and ask for help. You know, it's my job to help you. So you think they might be getting a bit caught up in the when she's going straight to this is the trigger, that they might be focusing too much on the trigger and getting too into when somebody has a toy.

You go you take your turn that like actually your single underneath that to will get to sharing and all of that. We'll work on that all the time. Keep that for later. Do not address it again in the moment. All you're going to do with that kid is bring them right back to where they were. And you get into a Mexican standoff. And look, the reason the teachers are struggling isn't the turn taking and stuff.

It's and he gets to the angry place. He's they are then away from the rest of the class because he's hissing and biting and kicking them. Who's minding the rest of the kids? It's probably chaos. This is what parents don't know is that when one kid is acting like that, the other kids will take advantage of the situation. So the teacher is really stressed out because they're like trying to calm this kid down, keep him safe,

keep all the other kids safe. And then they're aware that, oh, my God, they're they're running around the classroom. They're going wild right now. So it's deescalation script right away. Yeah. And then it's distract. Then distract. Like they hear you're angry. I can see that. Yeah. If they go calm at all while you're talking to them,

hold their hand, tell them you got something to show them, bring them away, bring them away, do something else, get them doing something with their hands, get them, you know, brushing the floor, washing a table, something and just something that's very calming and they don't even know, you know, they're just doing something and they're play dough. Brilliant. You know, they're doing something and they're not in the place they were. And they're not angry. But we all feel overwhelmed. Like when I read this, I thought about the amount of overwhelm I felt in the last

couple of months in terms of everything that we've had going on. The main reason we paused the podcast was I was writing a book. Yeah, this book is now written. We're in the editing process of it, but it all just got on top of me. And you were very good at spotting that, like, well, you're going to need to fuel up. And maybe you're not. Your nutrition is a bit off. Did you ever think that in terms of kids that were doing this regularly in the classroom was is it possible that he's hungrier than we realise? He's growing very fast and that when we all feel like I'm going to blow,

it's usually just pre-lunch or something. It's a really good point. And also the sleep can affect it too. When this lady sent this email, I mean, it was a few weeks after the time change. And I always think the time change is the worst thing that can happen to any parent of a toddler because all of a sudden their sleep's interrupted and their behaviours go downhill for a few weeks after that hour. I really hate it because in a classroom you just know things are going to get trickier now for a few weeks

until they calm down after this hour change. I hate it. But the feeling is so important. And that's why in a Montessori classroom, there's a sack table open at all times because we're so aware the kid needs to eat all the time to have energy and be in good form. So if that isn't available to this kid, I would definitely suggest it because they're growing so fast. And it's very hard to regulate your emotions

if you're not feeling full or you're feeling hungry. And they don't even know what hungry is. They're just feeling like a little bit like strung out. You know, they're like, I've got to paint my tummy now and I feel tired. And now this toy that I wanted as being you. Yeah. And I left it there. The other thing is he's obviously got the rule of the roost at home in terms of when he plays with a toy at home,

it's there for him when he comes back to it. Am I right on that? That like, I don't know, like, you know, sometimes he might just have an unfairness about school, you know, there might be certain toys at school that he doesn't have at home that he really loves to play with. But your thing about just talk about the day. Yes. Like this is the now and next thing

that Tina's always kind of the show could be called now and next, to be honest with you, because actually I've never until we started making this podcast, realised exactly how calming it is for your kid to know what's next, how long is left on this and what's next. And whenever you're in a supermarket or a restaurant, it's usually people scooping a child up without warning and telling them that's done now. Oh yeah, no, no, I'm forever doing that.

I'm like, they just didn't warn that kid. They just gave him no notice. Like give your child notice, just say, you know what, now we're doing this and a few minutes we're doing that. That's all they need. They just need now, next, the whole time. You know what I did say to this mom though?

I really feel like this kid is screaming out for a sensory diet. Okay. That he needs some sense. Explain that again. What's a sensory diet again? Well, I mean, very easy to look up on the internet for anyone who is tuning in because each child is so individual that you need to figure out the exercises that will work for your kids. Really, it's just a kind of a routine of exercises that you will use for your kids to help them feel calm, sensorial exercises and just help them feel more able to cope and manage with the day. Now a lot of schools and early settings now have sensory rooms. Yeah. Sensory rooms? What can I say? Sensorial. I was about to say. But these, I

always feel like every child needs these. Like sometimes they're only for the kids who are acting up. But I'm like every single kid would benefit from, every single grown-up will benefit from these. And really it just involves, you know, you get one of those therapy balls, rolling on on the ball having the ball rolled over you pushing that ball up the wall squeezing against it you know getting stretchy toys two people stretching them out squeezy balls squeezing them in your hands. These yoga and palates are grown up sensory diet. Maybe I don't know but also brushing brushing can be so like all these things.

You can get brushes for teeth. Like this is a biter. There's every chance that he is just overstimulated in his mouth right now. He might not even be biting because he's angry, but more the fact that he just needs to bite. Yeah. Well, we have to leave that question there. But to give this parent the credit and give everyone who's listening the credit. If you're listening to this show and you're asking these questions, you're on it. Yeah. Give yourself the credit.

You are this person is investing in it and taking the time to email the show. You know, you're one up already. Yeah, it is going to be very lucky because you're actually thinking about it. You're not just going, oh, he'll stop. You're thinking, well, what's causing this? And that's really great because there's always something causing it. And once you find the cause, you will find the help you need in behavior. Have to give a big shout out to listener and friend of the show, Steve Daly.

Steve Daly is a legend. He is my favorite person. Here's the thing. We appreciate all our listeners, but particularly the listeners that take our transatlantic flight back from Toronto to Dublin and goes, you guys, you're going to fly business class. Yeah, Steve Daly did that. And now step back one minute. Bailey did that. And now, step back one minute. He did that for Charlotte and Mikey.

So he only had two upgrades. He upgrades me and Mikey. We're Mikey go business class. And that was incredible. And Tina, Tina got to go too, because when we went up to the lady at Erlingus, Erlingus, incredible too, in Toronto, she felt so sorry for me. Rightly so. She was like, it's just the boys in business class. Yeah, so let me get this straight. Your husband and your son. Your ticket doesn't seem to be.

And I'm like, well, I'll fix like, yeah, that's what she said. She said, I'll fix that now. And I was like, oh my God, she's going to do it for free. Yeah. Wasn't for free. It wasn't for free, but it wasn't that bad. It was good as. And Steve Daly was so kind to do that.

So we're so excited. The reason I bring it up is not just to tell you all. Yeah, we're so excited for this very relaxing journey home. Oh my God. Yeah. Like when you go in there, that really is what it's all about. We're talking about travel and holidays coming up here. It's something that I never thought I'd get to do. Yeah. Business class.

Yeah. Like we go in, set up a little party of your own. Yeah. Feed up the drinks that like it's everything you could imagine it's gonna be. It was the best part of the trip. We kind of knew it was gonna be. Yeah. Nah, the trip was incredible. But then these little toddlers started arriving in. I was like these are some rich toddlers. There were five and they all had their own seats. I don't know who these toddlers are. Are they influencers? There were five babies under the age of two.

With their own seats. With their own seats. Not on the laps of their own business class seats. We're stressing their own seat part because at no point did they sit in their own seat. And like, I love babies, so I'm all here for it. But these babies, they did a lot happening. Definitely. There was a lot of parents who had not.

You cannot blame the kids. No, these parents had not prepared for the journey. Like, what is going on with that? First of all, you know, if you got a kid on the plane, you've got to take care of the ears the whole time. They haven't taken care of their ears. You mean like the ear popping? Yeah so they need to be you know a lot. What do you mean take care of the ears? How do you do that? Well you know bottles make sure they're sucking on something the whole time. Lollipops. Lollipops, sweets, something because it is actually horrific the pain little kids

go into on planes because they're so nasally all the time. The crying started early doors. Well, one particular, like, we're probably, these parents were definitely Irish. They definitely knew who we were. They, one of them listened to the podcast. Do you know who I am? I said some, do you know who I am? One of them listened to the podcast.

So if they're listening in, they know we're talking about you. And I'm sorry. And we're not a judgment podcast. But I did see an alarming thing. OK, one parent just decided, we're now into the fight. You're going to sleep to the kid. Like, I think you're on a flight. You're kind of going to have to hope that they fall asleep, but you can't make them. Now we have seen before years ago like 15 years ago we flew to

Kentucky and we saw parents basically overdose their kids on doses. Oh my god, drug em. It was awful, like the kid was so sick. My god, dose stuff suddenly, douche, gone. So sick after that, ugh. But this parent decided just like on a whim and it wasn't the mother. Sorry I am not biased to moms, but the dad just decided this kid should go see right now. I think you're on a flight Okay, whatever don't judge always in my head. I'm going don't judge that everyone does it their own way But at a certain point I nearly had to intervene because the kid was screaming so loud because the dad I nearly had to intervene because the kid was screaming so loud because the dad Was holding him down like in a wrestling pin with his whole body Forcing him to lie down to go to sleep and this kid was maybe one of the half

He's a grown-ass man. Yeah, and I was like this is not working This to work. And, you know, I did feel a bit sorry for the dad because obviously everyone's watching. Everyone's horrified. Charlotte didn't see it because Charlotte's in his own little world. Well, I had the Apple AirPod Max on, which have an amazing noise cancelling function. I'm I'm directly at a diagonal to them. So I'm seeing the holding and I'm like, at a certain point this is now, this is too much.

And I'm aware the dad has wrapped himself up in, you know, I've started this, I have to keep going. I've started pinning my baby to the ground. Yeah, he has to go to sleep. You know, I've got to get him to tap out at the very least. But he does that thing, which is the whole reason the kid is probably like this. Anyway, he gives up

you know you think he should have kept going no we've got a submission like no okay so I don't know what I'm saying but like I don't mean but as in he clocked out of the attempt to get sleep to happen yeah went back to his seat started watching a film yeah like so why did you do it all in the first place? It was bananas. It was bananas. But, you know, maybe we'll give some form of... But what happened was the kid was too afraid to leave their seat again. So the dad was sitting behind them. Anyway, it was awful.

And I was just thinking, look, if there's one thing we can say on the podcast today, if you're going to fly with your kid and if you can afford to fly them in first class, business class, whatever it's called, you, you still need a plan. You need a plan. You do not get to enjoy business class like people who don't have kids. You need puzzles, books, games, bottles, sweets. Have a plan. Come on. And also, like we've had so many emails on this around poor travelers, kids that refuse to do as they're told, whether it's in a car, on a bus, a train, getting up and you've seen the TikTok videos,

these random kids running up and down the aisles on the flight. Yeah, I love them. I'm always like, hello, I'm the annoying stranger who makes friends with your kid. Oh my God. Tina's the one who looks through the chair and starts doing, Hi, Hi, Miss Rachel. And you are the closest thing to Miss Rachel they've ever seen. So you're sitting next to her and this kid is like now part of our journey. The parent isn't enjoying it.

You're enjoying it. The kids enjoying it. Do you remember that court? Is that what you're talking about? The little kid on the plane? It was so cute. Yeah, look, there was a're enjoying it. The kids enjoying it. Do you remember that court? Is that what you're talking about? The little kid on the plane. It was so cute. Look, there's a lot of it. There was a lot of adorable teen interactions with kids, but it's

it's an email we get all the time. So your first piece of advice for parents with a bad travelling kid who will always act up is the plan, is that what you're saying? Have a plan. Bad traveller, good traveller. I'm sorry. They need a plan. You need activities. Activities. You do. And I, Jarlotte knows, he's looking at me. No one hates playing more than me.

I hate playing. I'm an early years teacher and I love teaching kids stuff. I love, if it's educational. I mean, oh my God, I hate play so much. I have no time for it. I cannot make myself do it. And Mikey was so lucky because Jarlett loves playing. I'd be on all fours doing Captain Hook and the TikTok Crock. For hours. For hours.

And all it would be was repetition. Same exact thing. Oh my God, where's the treasure? Here comes the crocodile. I just don't have the energy for it. You need a lot of energy. It's clasping the center of her nose in between her eyes going, Oh, my God, guys, can you keep it down, please? Can Captain Hook die now? I am trying.

I will read books with your kid all day long. I will sing with your kid. I will do puzzles. But actual play, I can't cope. I'm just like, oh my God. So so when you say the activity plan, like I think you nearly need to be able to tick it off that like that doesn't work than this. Absolutely.

But what we're seeing and what we saw across the trip was because like look, zero plan, the trip was, you're talking about flying this summer, we flew Dublin to Vancouver then went from Vancouver to Portland to Seattle to San Francisco to LA to Boston to New York to Washington DC to Toronto, every single person resorted to the screen straight away, yes, every single one, Bar one, there was one group that we saw who were like, it wasn't even on the table to have, you mightn't even remember this, but there was one family.

Oh, were they on the train? They were amazing. They were incredible. Yeah, we got a train, remember that? Yeah. My God, it's all such a blur. But it wasn't even on the table. We're not judging anybody for putting kids on the screens.

It's obviously happened too much, we all know it. I used Tractor Ted loads of times when I needed to get Mikey to eat. Yeah, but it's the first port of coal for so many parents and what it reminds me of when I'm in a stand-up club and somebody would say to the crowd, shut the fuck up. When they'd walk on and the crowd is being rowdy and they go, shut the fuck up. And it was like, yeah, you have to hold that card back.

Yes. That card needs to be held. That screen card is your I think if it's held back, it's powerful. Screens are part of life. There's something we now use with our kids, but we are also incredibly aware they are harmful for our kids development if they're on them too long and also you are guaranteed a meltdown. The minute that screen goes, you're guaranteed. So, yeah, it might be a quick fix, but it is only prolonging an even bigger meltdown that's going to happen the minute the screen goes.

So one thing I saw you do with our own son at the time when we were doing a lot of travelling back and forth from the UK was I've got a surprise for you when we get on the flight. Oh yeah, yeah, that's- You got a surprise to look forward to when we get on this flight and it'll be like a colouring book. Yeah and you're always going to have to, you nearly need to set up the routine of how these flights work straight away. But the reason why I said how much I hate play is because even I had to play on planes and like I'm hating my life, but I'm doing it because I know, look,

you got to do this. This is part of it. Also, don't underestimate how much they will just accept what you tell them happens on planes. Like for ages, I was able to say to Mikey, when we get in the plane, you have your bottle and you go to sleep. And he would do that. Cause he just thought that's how planes work. That was when people looked at you like you knew black magic.

Because he's getting on the plane, preparing to put his feet up. Yeah, no, but like honestly, it was nuts. Don't underestimate the power of your voice. Your child trusts you. So you would say, bring me back there, you would say. So when we get on this flight.

Yeah, you're going to. Mommy's going to give you your bottle because we did a lot. Mommy's going to get a bottle of wine. Well, we did a lot of solo flying back then because we me and Mikey were going home a lot because I was so homesick and you were away a lot weekend. So I would fly home and I'd be like, we're going to get on the plane now. I have your bottle ready for you. I've got your teddy bear.

And when you have your bottle, you're to go to sleep. And he would just do that. He would just do it because he'd be like, well, I guess that's what I do. But also, like you say, it was rehearsed. It was rehearsed. So stick him with a plan, a routine, your husband, your partner, whoever it is, is on side with. Yes.

Stick with the routine and maybe this is an opportunity. I definitely found it easier travelling with him as a toddler when it was just me. You were always the one who would bring in the... I was the bigger toddler. Yeah, you were the upsetter of the routine. Let's get him some Harrybo. No, Charlie. No, but...

It's not a plan. It's not a plan. Fucking idiot. Adam some Harry bow. No, no, no, no. Yeah. When your wife is talking to you through her teeth. It's joking, but I'd be like, I'd be like, you're not sitting beside Mikey on the plane. Why? We like sitting to sit next to you. It was stepbrothers. So I'm sitting in the middle miserable with knowing this is better than anything else, because I'm just going to occupy this child and Gerald is not going to get to hype him up and he's going to go sleep in two minutes and then I can relax.

Yeah, but you mentioned something really briefly there. And we'll have to get on to our final question of the day after this, is the hype up. And I mean, that is every uncle's right and privilege, but the coolness, you know, I love hearing a kid laughing on a plane. I always hated when old Irish people would go after his laugh and he'll be crying. But it is so often the case, particularly

on a long journey, if you take the energy levels to the ceiling, there's going to be a low. How do we keep our kids at that calmness that you ideally want for the whole flight? Well that is why the actual plan is important, because if you are ticking through a plan and they can be involved in that process of going, and now we play cards, what's next on the list? Okay, now it's time to read our book. Okay, let's read our book. Now what are we going to do? So like that is very calming for a child. Let's look at the time. How much longer are we on the plane? Okay, so let's do this now. Let them know what's happening. A lot of the time on these planes or trains or whatever, these kids are crying because they're like, I'm in the fucking air.

No one has told them anything. Why am I here? They don't even know how long this is going to be. They don't even know if the plane is landing. And then the screen then is it a case of leveraging the screen? Because like the reality is people are putting their kids on screen to you then are you suggesting that they leverage it and go we'll do this this and this and then it'll be time to watch

our movie absolutely and like I really don't judge screens on planes at all because if that's what you need to do for your family, that's fine. But just be ready for the consequence of doing that. I mean, your kid is going to have a meltdown when they come off the plane. But if it works for you, that works for you. But I would definitely think it's preferable for the child if you work to it. They're going to prefer the engagement anyway. They're going to prefer you reading the story.

They're going to prefer you playing with them. They are going to love that. As long as there isn't a woman looking through the gap on the chair going, hi, this is Tina. Hi, lookie, kitty. The mom on that plane nearly killed me. She was like, I'm trying to get this to leave. Would you fucking leave my kid alone, please? Hi.

That kid was saying hello to me. But the mom really wants to get. The kid couldn't talk to you. But the mom really wants to... The kid couldn't talk to him. She was a cutest kid. I wanted to eat her. I was like, oh my God, she's so cute. We would have had a mid-air incident. The woman tried to eat this child.

I am new to parenting a preteen. I need help. It's like a switch flipped. He is so moody and constantly acting like he knows better than everyone. He is mean to his siblings. I think the worst part of it is how irritated he is with life. Je jealous of what others have throwing tantrums when I ask him to do anything. I'm at such a loss it angers me to the ends of the earth. Any and all advice appreciated, Tina, love the show. Well, I mean, welcome to the party. Welcome to the party. What is that song I love? What is it? How does it actually go?

That's certainly not going to be helpful for this woman, for you to dance while saying welcome to the party. Welcome to the party. It's the song from Death Film. This is not why you people have tuned in to it. No. Look, teenagers are hard and... This person isn't even a teen yet. I think... It's a pre-teen. Well, I think, you know, that is it.

You know, the terrible trees are really the terrible tooth. No, the terrible tooth are now the terrible trees, right? Am I mixing it up? And now I think actually the pre-teen stage is actually worse than the teenager stage. And you think, oh my God, this is the rest of his teenage years. But genuinely, genuinely, it's kind of short lived.

They actually do come back around. In some cases. And having the understanding, of course, in some cases, what helped me the most and kind of learning more about this age group is understanding that they are a little bit out of their comfort zone in their own bodies. Like there's so much testosterone, they're dealing with so much stuff. And just a little bit of understanding of that when they're acting out really helps you as a parent because then it's not so personal, you know?

I think the thing that we brought up earlier around food. Oh yeah, food is a massive issue at this age. They are not fueling enough. Well, like some kids are maybe fueling too much and not fueling the right food. Yeah, they're taking in, you know, those high sugar things that produce a low sugar moment. And it really affects them as teenagers, because, like I said, their hormones are all over the shop.

Yeah, and many of them are just dicks. Like it has to be said, Tina, as the layman of this podcast, some of these kids are gonna... Are you being serious? Some of these kids are gonna be dicks for a bit. Yeah. They're gonna come back. I wouldn't use that language, but I definitely... I know you wouldn't. I would.

I definitely think that what happens to the mother is way more severe than, in most cases, than what happens to the dad. In that you are, they are like, literally for years, you've no personal space. They are your shadow. You, you are their everything. You know, they can't do anything without you or telling you. And when she says, a switch has flipped, Tina Fey has said this, that, yeah, it is like they just broke up with you. It's like you're still in a relationship that they're not in anymore. Why are you still here? Yeah, you're pining for them. But honestly, I think it is short lived. And when I say short lived, I mean, it's a few years.

But in the grand scheme of things, they work it out. Well, hopefully. This is the fear, though, isn't it? That if you go the wrong route, there are grownups who still hold grudges against their parents for how they were with them when they were teens. And that's on all of these parents' minds because they're like, I've lost him. He's someone else now.

But again, here we have another mom who is actually asking about it and wondering about it, and these children are so lucky that they have parents who are this invested. Like, I do think we have a greater understanding for what teenagers go through now and a greater understanding for their needs, for personal space, for their absolute like self-loathing they put themselves through. Like, a lot of the anger is actually at themselves. It's just been projected onto you. And we're lucky to live in a time where there are online resources available for parents, which I actually find extremely helpful.

Jigsaw in Ireland is amazing for parents. You can literally put anything into their search engine and it will come back with a technique for you to use to cope with your child's behavior at any time, which I have found game changing for, you know, just in terms of learning more about this age group, because we're definitely getting more questions about it. And it's not a freely say I am not I don't have as much experience with teenagers.

You know, my only experience is having one now. And our kid is like, we don't know if this is typical or if this is there. But you know, but you're doing an awful lot of reading around it. And, you know, I see the work you're putting in. I'm obviously not doing any work at all. But Charlotte is for every. I'm trying my best. A lot of eye roll moments.

Because Charlotte's always telling me, well, actually, I read in this book. Well, I think that it's like the world got flipped on its axis in some ways, because everything I read says you have to get so good at being quiet. Yes. That's the best advice I got was, OK, stop actually when they're talking to you, whatever it is in the moment, just listen and if you can agree or practice this noise. Yeah. Come back to it just as you would have with the toddler who's in the middle of a meltdown, be in the moment, come back to that actual behaviour later.

Talk about that when they're calm. But while they're expressing their anger, actually, just listen, just be someone that they can express their feelings to, unless it's violent. I mean, you can't allow your teenager to be throwing things at you and slamming doors and stuff like that. The book I've gone to time and time again is How to Talk so that teenagers will listen and how to listen so that teenagers will talk. It's a bestseller. I'm not like giving a tip off to some out there book. This thing's sold millions of copies. The audiobook is hard to listen to though.

Yeah, well you're just not a fan of American people talking to you at length. Her voice is very hard to listen. Well, it's a little bit like that. Yeah. How would I know? And yeah, audio books mightn't be your thing, but you're going to need it as a reference as well. I do remember us having a book by our bed about parenting an only child. Oh, God. Mikey spotting it.

Yeah, taking huge events. And being like, oh, oh, oh okay that's how it is reading books about me. He did okay i'm a little experiment. I was like, we're trying to be good parents. Trying our best. Like, that's a sentence, though, that like, I don't know what gets through here because I can really feel the desperation off the email because... Well, it is. She's mourning her kid.

And I can relate. We've all been through it. But the only thing I can say is that if you are there for them and if you are able to just do your own reading and, you know, try and understand why they're behaving like this. I mean, I think teenagers right now have it harder than they've ever had it before. Yeah, there is certain pressures and stresses that we don't really understand or know. And the lack of... Not helpful. Adolescents, amazing show, but not helpful, really.

I mean, that thing scared the jakers out of me. Out of every mum I've ever spoken to they're like holy shit. Right, well Tina let's go back to the stuff that you do know sincerely works and have watched work. And whenever we're having this with a younger kid, the family meeting is the first place you go. Family meeting for teenagers teenagers way more important. Exactly. So when you're if you're having a moody individual in the house or even in your in your flat sharing situation, is it down? I have a chat about, well, what's acceptable? How does this place run?

And really, what are you trying to establish with family meetings? You're trying to establish an actual pattern in your family where you talk about things. Nothing's just kept. So hopefully what happens with family meetings is they become a natural thing that happens over dinners. Yeah. You know, but family meetings are so important, but what is the rule of a family meeting? As the grown-ups you cannot react. Yeah. You have to be ready to swallow what they say and be fair about it.

And you come back to it at another time. And they need to know that they can't react in the family meeting, too, that it's a place where it's a mediation. Yeah, it's where we express what is upsetting us. And we try and figure out a way of moving through it. So you work out the family or reapply the family rules, the house rules. They get to suggest a rule. Yeah. You get to suggest a rule.

You suggest more rules than them. The paradigmic has to be more in the favour of the parents. You're being kind, allowing them to have a rule. Yeah. I don't think you're allowed to burst into my room whenever you like. Well, I think I'm allowed to search your room if I think there's a problem. I think if a child says that, that's fair enough. Who is a knocking before they enter their teenager's bedroom?

Yeah. OK. Well, it was a bad example. I'm not bursting into my kids' room anytime I like. But I've talked to other parents about the idea that everybody has access to everyone's phone. Oh, yeah. Well, your teenager needs to know that you're gonna be looking at their phone because the one thing that will save them from is writing something they regret forever if they know she's gonna check they're less likely to write something awful about somebody or in some group. I mean the whatsapp groups are bananas. I know. And like they're not messaging them.

We're really in the Wild West phase of these WhatsApp groups. The messaging isn't getting true to these kids, not to write things that they'll regret. I, you know, I had the biggest lesson of that in my whole life. I was 14. Sure. You committed something to paper. I wrote a letter to a boy. That you regretted. I was in love with. They think that these messages, though, I don't want you to bury yourself on this letter again. It was awful.

Because it still wakes up in a cold sweat. It wasn't a love letter, but it was like it was like a funny. I'm over you. No, it was like a funny letter. It was like, hi. I'm trying to be silly. Yeah. I blame your brother for signing off on it.

Oh my God. Massive regret. You read it to your brother. Your brother said it was funny. He said, go ahead. Yeah, my brother thought it was hilarious. Don't listen. Right. Yeah. And this is such a wide ranging subject and so tough.

But on that basic thing of the fear of what they're doing on their phones, we're going to have to come back to in our next episode, because if your kid thinks, well, I have disappearing messages set on. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Be screen grabbed. And I can't say anything to our kid without him going, OK, mom, because he thinks I know nothing about technology. And I don't know a lot.

I don't know a lot, but he really thinks everything. Like if I said to him, disappearing messages aren't gone forever, he'd be like, okay, mom, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Cool, mom. Yeah. Well, and then if you say it, he's like, yeah, of course, of course.

Well, that's why if that is the situation that people are in, I don't help myself, though. You know, because when I say something really silly and he'll be like, see, this is why I can't take it seriously. You take a wild swing at certain things. I do. Geography. So I think definitely we shouldn't try and cut this one short. We should come back to this. OK, next week. In the next week.

No, two weeks. Two weeks time. Guys, thank you so much for all the emails. Thanks for being in touch and staying with us. Thanks for the support. And we will, it's great to be back. I'll see you on the road. If you're coming to the show in Birmingham, Cardiff, Liverpool, we have one massive show in Dublin

where I'm gonna film the brand new standup special. In the Helix. In the Helix, June 14th. It's a Saturday night. We kinda haven't told anyone about this show. No, it's a pretty low key affair, but it's also the biggest room we forgot to tell anyone about it yeah so we're telling you about it come on down and there's lots more dates all over at jigs are calm slash gigs and make sure you're following

honey you're in your kid on Instagram for more updates and fun. I still think jigs are calmness is stupidest. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for the I love you too. Thanks.