Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - The Irish Mammy Effect, Potty Training & Throw Me A Bone!

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

Is your Mother telling you you're too tough on your kids? Does she think kids shouldn't have chores when back in the day she made you clean the gutters! Welcome back to another episode of our zero judgement parenting podcast. So many questions to get through this week ranging from potty panic to the over bearing grandparent. Question 1- The throwing box! What exactly is it? We’ve talked about it loads on the show but this week we realised we have never fully explained the ingredients needed to make one. Listen in to find out what we think should be in your throwing box and how best to make it a success within the walls of your home. Question 2- What do you do when the crèche won’t support your toileting efforts. If you’ve laid the ground work but they are unwilling to keep placing the bricks in place. Is it possible to be successful without their support? If you’re wondering what are the important steps and which is the optimum age to start listen in to this week’s episode to find out our thoughts on all things toilet training. For our third question about lies and the Irish Mammy Effect on parents please head on over to Patreon www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad We tend to keep the extra juicy stuff over there and this week is a little ripper!Email us anytime at [e-mail]. We get back to everyone even if sometimes it can take a little while. No parent left alone. 

It's Oni, you're ruining our kids, the parenting podcast from the Irishman, a broad podcast network and today we're talking about your mammy. Well for some of the show, we've got three amazing questions from our listeners anonymously submitted as always, your secret's safe with us, you email in what's going on in your life, what is happening, what are the challenges of raising your little darling. And Tina here with her 20 years of experience in early learning, severe behavior and all sorts has seen it all and will come up with a strategy for you and will help you out directly via the Irishman Abroad email address, the honeyyouarerooningourkid.gmail.com.

That's where people email in. How's your week been Tina? So busy right? Like I mean well first of all we got to go away the weekend because we were celebrating Charlotte's kidney anniversary. It's eight years now since Charlotte donated his kidney to his brother and saved his brother's life which is just incredible so every year we are sure to carve out those few days and we got lucky this year with St. Brigid's Day and the Mike is still being so decent and giving them all a day off. You say busy like it's been so like I get it when people are emailing going how do I devote the time needed to write the plane on this particular thing

whether it's the eating, they're going to bed in their own room and finding the space to go. Right. We have an issue here. We have a behavioral thing. That's so hard. So we're right there with you on that because this week has just been so bananas, even though it was meant to be kind of a rest week. First, we were in Armagh on Saturday night.

Shout out to everybody who came out to the Armagh show at the Marketplace Theatre in Cork this Friday. We can't wait to go to Cork. The Everyman Theatre is fully sold out, but we've added a show at the Opera House in June, which is selling like the clappers as well. But that's not what this show has been. When We say the Irish Mammy Reels are one of the reasons that people are coming to see the show. I think it's because it's not Irish. It's not about a universal experience, isn't it? Yeah, it's it's it's the mother who brought you into the world. Their impact upon you as you become a parent yourself, it can be a lot.

So we're going to get into that much later in the show and hear some of your horror stories and that sensation of, well, the one that look, let's talk about this to start with the sense that you're being very hard on them. When you're trying very hard on them. When you're trying to raise it, when they take on the role of grandmother. Yeah, you're being very hard on them. And you're like, I seem to remember, I seem to remember you being very hard on me. Although, like, I definitely didn't get hit with a wooden spoon.

It's the comments section in your for your videos that are just unbelievable. It's people from all over the world sharing their lived experience. Mexican moms, this is Jewish moms, this is Sri Lankan moms. That sense of over the shoulder going, I can help you with this and I guess it does come from a good place. Oh, yeah. And that's the nice thing about the hardest part. Those reels, I think that you make are beloved because there's no meanness in them, really, but they are triggering.

Yeah. They are triggering for a lot of people and the comments, if you have timed, I know who has time to read through the comments section, but it is great reading. As entertaining. Yeah. This weekend, I put up one that Duolingo is powered by Mammy guilt. And someone got in touch to say, Jarlath, your mom taught me German.

I don't know if she applied the same level of guilt, but my mother was a languages teacher. Say something funny, does she quoted your mom? The exam isn't going to take itself. funny though she quoted your mom. The exam isn't going to take itself. Yeah. Oh. And never a truer words for spoken shout out to Maura Regan,

my ma, who has inspired an awful lot of these mommy rules, but they're not just her, they're everyone. They're all the moms I've observed over the years. It's a character, it's nobody. People are always going, what does your mommy make of this now? It's a total character. I bet she doesn't like this.

Yeah, it's a pastiche and it's also a cartoon. And what nobody knows is it's like ruining my life. Like you're always in that character a lot of the day. A lot of the day. And now Mikey does it too, so it's just so annoying. I'm guessing Tina Fernandes, you don't seem to have thought about me in this at all. But the irony of you being very hard on them is when you're a grandparent,

it's it's open season on treats and special stuff like don't you worry your little head about it, I'll take care of everything. You put the feet up and relax when you're outside cleaning the gutters. I know it's so hard. And when you're trying to form this human and get them to have responsibilities and take pride and they're like undoing the work. It's very.

Yeah, I don't know if they can undo it, Tini. You there is a. March Simpson there. Yeah. Some of the funniest stories that we get on this are what people have returned to having left their kids with their parents. Probably like it's not that bad. But Mikey did see Willy Wonka.

Way too early. A little bit early. But the role of the grandparent is so cute. Like we always tell that story of trying to get the eye drops into Mikey's eyes age two. And like he'd an awful eye infection. Who knows how he got that. But we needed to get drops in or he wasn't going to get the eye drops into Mikey's eyes, age two. And like he'd an awful eye infection. Who knows how he got that. But we needed to get drops in or he wasn't going to get better. And he never had eye drops.

No. So he's holding Tima by both wrists. And we had to hold him, you know, and he's like, he stops and goes, I want to see my nanny. I want to see my nanny. Like get my lawyer. Literally like I need my attorney present. It was so funny but terrible because we were just you just trying to help them. It's so hard when they're did they do that because you have to do it.

You have to get those drops in. It's got to be done. We're going to talk a lot more about that over on Patreon.com forward slash Irishman Abroad in the final section of the show. We'll get a little bit deeper into the into the mammy stories and the the impact of European, very tough on them, but this week we were helping a kid with jokes like what do kids find funny was the question I was finding myself asking a lot of this week is I had a request in from a little kid who I know who needed a joke for school, a show and tell. Yeah. And it was so funny because

like I have I pride myself on having jokes for every scenario including my uncle Paul who was in a care home at the moment who's not in a good way and trying to get laughter out of him was maybe one of the most rewarding things of the past month, trying to get him to laugh and managing to. But when it's kids, we all know. Well, looking for Jarla, he had an expert beside him because I may not be able to write jokes, but I know what kids find funny.

And I kept saying to Jarla, trust me on this one. This he'll love. They love repetition. They'll tell the same joke forever. That's more real life kind of if you walk in the door and trip over something theatrically, they want to see you do it again and again and again and again, and they will not get tired of it. No, they won't. And they also find stinky super funny. Oh, yeah. Like if you take off your sock and sniff your sock and then fall over because of the stink of it,

that will bring that. That's your closer. Right? You're the end on that. Okay. Right. But I'm trying to think of what jokes we went with because the first one I went with was the, what do you call a one-eyed donkey?

The winged, yeah. Yeah, sorry. No, it was that, yeah, what do you call a three-le donkey? The wing, yeah, yeah, sorry. No, it was that, yeah, what do you call a three legged donkey? It's a wonky donkey. What do you call a one eyed three legged donkey? It's a winky wonky donkey. That joke actually caused some kind of. Oh my God, you're right, in my old school. Ooh, yeah, that was, this was.

Problematic jokes. No, it's not. Three legged donkeys aren't any less than four legged donkeys. Like this is a silly joke that has been made into a story called the Wonky Donkey and a lovely teacher he used to work with. Like, you know, particularly you'd have to call them. I don't like using the word woke, but they were very much looking for problems all the time, group of parents. And they took issue with this book.

Now, this is a story you read to kids and they all laugh. And the whole thing is about getting them interested in language and the rhyming. They got complaints to the point where they wanted that teacher to be suspended for a while. For telling the winky wonky. For reading a book. I was like, this guy's come on, calm the fuck down. It for a while. For telling the winky wonky donkey. For reading a book. I was like, this guy's come on, calm the fuck down, it's a book. There's definitely more things to be up in arms about

than the winky wonky donkey. They were saying that you were teaching the kids to make fun of other children. Kids with disabilities. I couldn't believe it. I felt so sorry for the teacher because she had been teaching her whole life and she was one of those teachers

who devoted herself to her job. and she was so hurt by it. So that's a joke to avoid. It's a wee line, right? Yeah. The one that I'm trying to think about. It was a squirrel. The squirrel one is how do you make a squirrel like you act like a nut? Yeah. Like who knew that that was gonna... Yeah, you were like this won't work and I was like oh well do you know how I know

because I was an early years teacher for so long and we had to every now and again you'd hire an entertainer to come in and kids are tough I've seen so many kids children's entertainers die in their hole. It's been awful and then the's having to save it with a silly joke like that and then the kids are rolling around the place laughing, you know. Well definitely his closer was why was the sand wet? Because the seaweed. Yeah. I mean he couldn't believe he was getting to say the word weed.

He's an amazing kid. I'm not sure he fully understood the double meaning. We'll never know. Who cares? It understood the double meaning. We'll never know. Who cares? It brought the house down. What I loved about the whole thing was that, what a great teacher. The teacher just trying to build her confidence.

Yeah. She's, you know, encouraging them to. What was it you said, plant the seed of belief? Oh yeah. I really, I. What a great phrase. I've decided that's gonna be my book. The title of your book.

The book I keep refusing to write. Yeah. You've had multiple book deals on the table and then we're like, No. You know what? No. No, the one I want has to mean there because they offer you a book deal, but they very much want you to write a particular type of book. And I don't feel like I want to.

Plant in the seed of belief. Yeah, I love that. That's a Tina thing. Because you know what? That really works. And that's what I love that. That's a Tina thing. Because you know what? That really works. And that's what I was saying. I was like, if you want your child to believe in themselves or be more confident in something, just gently plant that seed of belief.

You know, gently, gently working. I always remember this kid who the parents had said wouldn't draw. And they came in one day. You said, I'll fix that. Yeah, they were worried because they were all artists and they knew she had potential convinced herself because everyone else was so good yeah and that can happen in a house of artists so this very hard for the child I remember my drawings being scribbled out

yeah yeah Mikey definitely did that yeah that if the child sees perfect art all the time they're comparing. They're criticizing themselves. Way too early. Yeah. And all we did was say to that kid, just in passing one day. After she'd drawn something. Yeah.

Real shite like. Usher crap. Usher crap. Not even worth the fridge door. Not not even worth the fridge door. I said to her, Wow, I had no idea that you were such a great artist. That was it. A grown up said it.

And you don't labor it. Get in and get out because don't give them time to go once and more. What she thinks is good. And it changed her whole perspective on her. And off she went. She just needed that tiny seed of belief. I really hope I don't forget that because I finally feel that's the book. I have it in the notes. It's written down.

Three great questions coming up. And I also want to ask you, Tina, what do you do when you find your kid finds the wrong stuff funny later in the show, but also come back and loop back around to Irish mammyies or any mammy Overstepping the mark Just that's enough. I got this from here. We'll talk about that, but we've got to get straight into the questions Hi Tina and Jarlath and you Jarlath definitely get a mention in the high part due to the coming back to life part mentioned below. Oh, interesting. I was listening to your second to last episode

there the other day while I was recovering from a complete parenting meltdown in the car. We've all had them. And it had the same calming effect as I expect a large dose of Valium would. Oh, that's really cool. I was one coat still not zipped up away from sitting in the middle of the car park outside gymnastics and crying my eyes out.

Oh, rough. Instead, you both made me laugh and brought me back to life. Well, that is what we aim to do here. And for the cherry on top, I loved your idea of the throwing box. If you don't remember this from that episode, Tina was making the point that if your kid is firing stuff all over the house and taking food and lashing it on the floor, throwing kids and stuff in other kids' faces or throwing kids in other stuff's faces,

you need a throwing box. You need to say you've got a great arm. Yeah. God, you're very good at throwing. You know what? Let's do this. This is where we'll keep our throwing, is for the throwing box. And it's worked time and time again. Needless to say, my two beautiful darlings, most beloved, completely enraged young hurricanes who can't zip up their coats at five and three. Didn't lick this off, didn't lick up their stubbornness and frustration off the streets. So when I was listening to your podcast yesterday

and you mentioned the throwing box idea, I thought that's just the business for us. That's exactly what we need. Maybe even all of us, not just the kids. God, yeah, that's a brilliant idea. A parental throwing box where you get to lash cutlery and crockery. You love it. I'd be so sad, though, I'd miss them straight away.

I know you're very busy and this isn't exactly a question for the podcast that you can use or talk through. I actually think it's a brilliant question. Yeah, but I'd love to know what you put in it. What do you put in the throwing box? I figure some of those little hand sized bean bags would you would recommend. Would you recommend anything else? Well, I've recommended crockery.

Well, you know what? I actually love this question because I thought it's so terrible that sometimes when you're just so used to doing things you actually forget to give people the foundations of the fine detail. Yeah, the fine detail. That's a better word, Jare. Sorry. And I was embarrassed because I was like, you're right, I keep saying, put a throwing box together, but I never actually say. It has to be satisfying to throw this thing in. It can't just be like a feather. It's got to be something that there's going to be some kind of sound, a direct hit sound.

Well, I mean, it's the price today and pick up a million different balls for under 10 euro. Well, I always remember, yeah. That have lights and different fields. Exactly, that light up. Yeah. Spiky ones. Yeah, loads.

Mushy ones. That kind of gooey ball, that type of thing. And actually, I would encourage, yeah, like that kind of gooey ball that type of thing. Actually, I would encourage. Yeah, like any kind of different textures, you know, they also the idea of the box is just really so they have a target. So you take the things out and they can throw it into the box, fetch it, bring it back. So there's somewhere for it to go and also a place where they all stay. You can even make different lids for the box that have different holes, shapes

in them for them to actually target them in. But what would be what I always think is great and what has happened mostly when I've seen these boxes put into place is that they turn into kind of sensory boxes. And I cannot stress this enough. It's not just children who get diagnosis who need sensory boxes and sensory exercises. It will change your child's day if you have the time to just do some gentle sensory exercises in the morning before you send them out to school. And the way the box facilitates this is if you do end up getting those spiky balls and stuff, you know, rolling them up and down their arms, getting them to, you know, just massage their own body with these different sensations, to squeeze the squeezy balls

before they throw them. And to this particular mom I suggested the best thing I've ever seen, especially if you've got two kids, is getting stretchy material and getting them to tug a warish. And that pulling, first of all it's so fun Stretch your arm strong. So they both sit like as if they're doing, you know, rubber as a boat. They stretch it and stretch and they lean back and lean back. And then it's this brilliant exercise for their arms. But it's also an amazing sensory activity that's helping to calm them down. And they're having fun together.

You know, this question also reminded me of the age old problem of my young lad refuses to pee into the bowl and not all over the floor. This question also reminded me of the age old problem of my young lad refuses to pee into the bowl and not all over the floor. Oh, yeah. And I always remember your recommendation around this was to get a target for the back of the loo that you get in Mr. Price. That was your suggestion. That was really good.

But I can't claim your work, Gerard. You thought that was yours? No, I'm the one who says like maybe put a different color in the toilet. But yeah, you can get these lights. Remember, we had a light in our toilet and I loved it the most. More than Mikey did. I was like, and the light comes on when you read it. It was motion activated.

Yeah, I thought it was amazing. It looked like the loo was haunted. Yeah. And I go to it so much at night time. It was it was a bit of a mess. Thanks for the details. Sorry. But yeah, so basically you make your trowing box, whatever sits your own family.

And you are gonna have to make it different from time to time because. Things not to put in the trow box. Yeah, crockery. Your phone. Your phone. The keys to the house. Yeah, you're essentially just allowing them

to have the opportunity to throw and teaching them what you're allowed to throw. Yeah, but I like the idea of a lid on it that has different size holes with points above them for that make it competitive. That's what the Regans would do. Make it so highly competitive that the kids have scarring in later years

over how obnoxious the games got. OK, but seriously, though, the whole process of making those lids is fun for the kids, too. You know, get them involved. Kids love that stuff. I nearly said kids love that shite. I don't know how many people have a problem with their kid firing stuff. Well, they have, you know, I always talk to you about these periods of movement children go through. That is a need. Your child's not acting out. They actually feel the need to throw. They're developing older skills and walking. If you watch a child when they're in this sensitive period from movement, so between the ages of one and a half to six, they will always take the longest route.

They don't make no sense to you. But for them, they really just want to move as much as they can because they're developing their skills. So when they've discovered throwing, they'll do it a lot. So it's better to have the box set up and give them the opportunity to throw. Well, shout out to this mom for getting in. Yeah, thanks for the compliment. Because also, you know, if you hear something on the show that you're like,

can I get clarification on that? That's what she's asked for. Yeah. Just walk me through this a little bit more. And you can do that. Email the show. Honey, you're ruining our kid at gmail.com. She says, I appreciate any advice you can give us. Absolutely adore the show. The dynamic between the two of you is just food for the soul. This is a bit of a hay paddle of the show. This is a lovely email to get. Thanks for

all the weekly support through the horrific and glorious adventure that is parenting. She's a great writer. Just keep these kind of emails. So this next email is actually from somebody I've been back and forth with a little bit. They got in touch a little while ago wondering about beginning to potty train their kid and whether I thought their child will be ready. Now their child is three, so of course for me I think that's well past being ready. You know, I am off the school thought that things get in there before they're too, before the will has developed and you're struggling against the will of your toddler. So I gently described to her the steps I would take and that I have seen

work and if she could carve out the time, which we both agree is the most important thing, you need to give over time to this. You can't be leaving the house. You need to be at home. That's the most important thing. You need to give over time to this. You can't be leaving the house. You need to be in that home. That's the most important thing that the child needs that too. And I said, when you're ready, when you're absolutely ready, then go for it. Right. And it hasn't gone to plan.

She says, I took on board your advice and didn't start until I was ready to. Yeah, that's important. In the run-up to Christmas there was just so much going on. There wasn't a weekend. I didn't have something on. I really I finally went for it this weekend just gone. I had Friday and Monday off work so four days with nothing on. Exactly what you had prescribed. I put my older daughter in childcare on the Friday so I could give my youngest my full attention for day one of potty training. Had the banners all prepared and the party blowers ready to go.

And in hindsight, that's probably wasn't the best idea, because the older kid would have been a good help. Oh, really? They would have been a really good model. Encouraging. Yeah. Older kids are an unbelievable resource. Yeah. And sometimes better getting a messaging across. Okay. That's why Montessori classrooms work so well because there's a mixture of three different age groups in there and oftentimes it's the six-year-olds who are teaching the three-year-olds or the

nine-year-olds teaching the six-year-olds. They're watching and learning. Initially it went well, she says. I let her know coming up to it that we would be starting body training on Friday and there would be no more nappies and tried to get her enthusiastic about it. It worked on Friday. She accepted that and never looked for a nappy. I was pleasantly surprised.

Day one, two, it was a bare bum. Day three, the same, but put the pants on and the trousers on in the evening briefly. She soiled herself within minutes. Tried on Day 4 to keep her fully clothed in preparation for crash on Tuesday. No success at all. The problem is there has been no progress. Am I naive to expect some improvement after four days? She only peed once in the potty and that was more down to the fact that she happened to be there. Every wee poo was an accident. It seemed to come as a surprise

to her. She never showed any signs of needing to go, either physically or verbally, and while a little reluctant initially, she did sit on the potty for a few times on the first two days. I was able to coax her with bubbles and my phone, except that once. Nothing ever came out that once nothing ever came out though. Now though, she won't even sit in it. The novelty seems to have worn off. I planned to use a timer initially as you suggested, but she wouldn't sit on the potty on command.

I thought forcing her was a bad idea. I didn't want to make the potty a battle of wills, like you said, I just thought I'd play it cool when she had accidents and keep reminding her that pees and poos go in the potty. At the start she would allow me to sit her in the potty and to see if there was anything else to come out. Less so now.

I tried to say we have to pee at certain times before leaving the house, before dinner, before going to bed. And she just kept saying, but I don't have that funny feeling. Again, didn't want to insist. Let's discuss this all with her crèche. And they are saying she's not ready. If she won't go to the toilet at the party when prompted, they say she's not ready. They say there should at least be some effort on her part to be successful. She doesn't seem to have any internal motivation. When she wets herself, she doesn't get upset, but it is not really in and is not really interested in getting cleaned up either. When I tried to get her involved, she says, no, you do it.

getting cleaned up either. When I tried to get her involved, she says, no, you do it. Oh my God. If that's tough, if she has, but kids are just hilarious. You do it. Clean me. If she has done a poo, she doesn't tell me. Before we started, I thought she was a little frightened to the potty. I didn't think that's it. I don't think that's it now.

At the same time, she just won't go anymore I was determined there was no going back at the start and I agreed with you that there has to be a no turning back policy but if the creche aren't cooperating is a great email creche are not cooperating I feel backed into a corner. Yeah. No worse feeling as a parent. I seem to have no choice but to go back to nappies. I'm annoyed with myself for not organising more time off. At the same time I do understand where the question coming from. If she won't actually go for them, how can they help? She's three and two months now. Is it really possible she's not ready. I don't think so, but I see no evidence

That she knows it's coming How can I get her to go on the body if she's refusing and if she's not afraid? Shouldn't she be happy at least to sit and try when she does sit why is nothing coming? Bubbles running, getting her laughing. Not working. Yeah. I think she's feeling pressured myself. This is her own take on it. She thinks she's feeling pressured. So maybe a break is a good idea. How long do you think I should leave it? Days? Weeks weeks, months? Any help? Greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for your email. So many people will be relating hard to this. Yeah, and the full disclosure, this email broke my heart because I let this mom down.

I didn't see this email. She emailed way back at the start of January. And so she was left wondering this. And I wasn't there and I felt awful for her. And I got back and I apologized to her and everything. And I, because that time had lapsed, I didn't know. Oh, the old elevator desk. That's all that was. I felt really, really, really bad about it because she needed me and I wasn't there for her.

And if I had been, it's easy to say what I would have suggested. I would have suggested, don't give up. But with the crush not on side and me not being back in touch in time, I'm sure she had no choice but to give up. And I feel awful about it. Now the crushing upsets me a lot

because this is something I'm hearing all of the time. Now anyone who's an early child, early years worker, knows that it is really important for a child to be potty trained and you hope to do it before they're two and a half. And the reasons it's important is it promotes so much independence and the child's speech for whatever reason improves too. Every single child has a massive developmental moment after their

toilet trained. I think there must be an inner pride or inner some inner confidence that's built from them being in charge of their own bodies and you see a massive every child across the board you see a massive, every child across the board, you see a massive change in your kid. And also they're complaining all the time about these four year olds turning up for school or Montessori still in the nappies. But like these parents who are working every hour of the day are relying on these other workers to help them with toilet training. And the messaging I'm getting back is, creches will not do it. They won't. They say they're understaffed. So if your child isn't toilet trained,

they have to wear a nappy because I don't have time to be changing wets. And I just think that's despicable. Well, it's despicable that they're understaffed to start with. Yeah, but of course. But like, I mean, it is your job to help toilet train a child. You are there to facilitate their little life while they're at school. If you are not willing to get on board with the toilet training, you're holding them back. But she's right, the backed into a corner feeling of this,

because she's not going to change the crash's policy. And she can't do it if they're not on site. It just won't work. She probably only has one crash option. That's why it's so ridiculous. And every single time I've had this or heard of this, it's like, well, that parent has to go. I have no option but to put them back in nappies because they're not going to be successful at school and the crash is going to send them home if they wish or or keep them, you know, they might not get changed.

They might be left in their wet clothes for a while. It's just not something the crash will do. And I just think that's, I can't imagine that. As an early years teacher myself, I mean, wets are part of your day. And I would have had 30 kids in my class and at least five of them would soil or wet and you would help them through it and help them to learn. I mean, these are, this is another place where they're supposed to be, what's the word, cementing the lesson, you know, like, you know. These teachers are also underpaid. Yeah, incredibly underpaid.

It's like they're going, I think that we're seeing this across the world right now, that everything is so expensive, that people are feeling so overwhelmed with work that when they're asked to do another thing, they're like, now I'm not going to be doing that and you need to pay me extra if you want me to. And a three year old is just too old to be in nappies. I just don't, I just don't get it. And I feel terrible for this mom because she did everything right. And I actually love her language of before we go somewhere, you know, she's using that before you go to bed. We need to go toilet before we leave the house. Things that may have gone against her are not using the timer.

The timer is the most simple. That was the only one that I remember from our one was. The timer is so important. I mean, you phase it. You've done your time sitting on it. The timer gets phased out so quickly that it seems like it's going to be a big deal. But actually, it's the novelty of the timer. The child likes it too.

Yeah, I mean, you're setting, ideally, you're setting the timer for every 20 minutes. But if you've already given up those four days to stay at home, you're giving up your time, you know, for next four days, we're just toilet training. So the toilet training actually keeps you on the game. Yeah, and you set it for every 20 minutes and you put them on the toilet for five. Now what you're trying to do there is actually teach them this problem she's having with saying her daughter doesn't know when it's coming. That's the whole job of the timer because what you're doing is you're popping them on the toilet or the potty. And to be honest, I think a three year old's

probably too big for a potty. She should be getting step onto a toilet seat with the little lid on the toilet because the potty is probably really uncomfortable for a three year old. Yeah. And then what you do with the timer is you set it for five and you say, we're going to sit here together. You can hold my hand. We can read a book and we're going to just see if anything happens. I think we still have the photos of that taking place in our house.

Yeah. And then you say, oh, nothing happened. Off you go. I'll let you know when the timer goes, oh, ping, the timer went again. Let's go check. And all you're saying is let's go check, because what you're trying to get your child to do is become conscious of the fact that they need to check on themselves. You're checking in on, do I need a wee? Yeah. Do I have a poo?

It's an internal discussion. You're checking in on yourself. The you know, Tina's not going out on a limb with this here, guys. Just to be clear, if you're new to the show and I know we've an awful lot of new listeners, this was this was your bag, right? Yeah. And actually, this moment, we were backing for it. She said, OK, you used to you mentioned before you used to go to people's houses. And she said, and what were those kids like?

And I was like, well, actually, the timer thing is so bulletproof because when I was going to live with people and help toilet train their children, that was because those children had severe and profound learning difficulties and the parents really, really didn't know how to do it. OK. And I mean, if the timer works there, the timer works on anyone, because it really is just teaching your child, checking in.

But look, we're all doing it. Like that is what we do. Like here's my wee story, right? I was gonna tell you my toilet training. But I went to see the Verve at Slane Castle. I'm not sure what year it was, right? 95 or something like that it must have been around that kind of area maybe 97 and I wangled my

way into the pit because people from Newbridge always knew the people that were debouncers on the pit so you could just go I'm from Newbridge and then they'd let you in really wow mean, somebody should have got fired over that. OK, come on. In I go. And I'm such a huge Verb fan that I really and I don't know why. I don't know why. Music is so whiny.

They're actually going to be supporting Oasis on this next tour. Well, we're not going to that either. Another whiny band. Anyway, long story short, I was so afraid of getting thrown out of the pit that I held my wee for the day. I couldn't do that. And I mean, I've been drinking a lot of fluids. So I think I became a camel

as a result of this experience, because like I nearly collapsed when I eventually got to do the Wii. But the long story short of this is that the dialogue between me and that part of me is like I don't check in the way these kids would and you're trying to teach them to because I think I have an insane capacity. Yeah. Well, unfortunately unfortunately this kid doesn't and she's having wets and she's having accidents. Yeah, I know you keep trying to bring it back,

but listen to me. I've only got one kidney. Yeah, well you had two then. But I have a huge bladder. Yeah. All because of Richard Ashcroft and the verb. But like, even now you go, okay, Mikey, we're going in the car.

You need to go. Yeah. Like, well, I need to we all the time. You do. Yeah. I have a kidney issue. I need to be the opposite for my probably sure. Here, we have to help this lady. Yes, but you have. Yeah, I don't know if I have because like, what can she do?

She's asking, do I pause it? it now she has to she has no choice. I think that's already happened yeah. Yeah I'd imagine it has so now what she has to do is when she comes back to it yeah when she has to be different it has to be the toilet now. It's a look and feel different. It can't be the potty and she cannot give up the next time I mean I look I've had so many people give up on potty training and then wonder why it's such a battle. But you showed your child there's an out. Yeah.

And these kids are so clever. Cunning bastards. No, you know I love children, but they work you out so fast. They work me out so fast. Oh my God, they really do. They really do. I just, I just fold. Yeah, but like a cheap suit. Don't underestimate your children.

Now, and also the thing I say to watch out for, if your kid is managing to go the night and not wet their nappy, that's the main sign they're able to hold their way. Right. Right. So look and new feel big person toilet now with a step up. Step up. Timer has to be done. You can phase that time right after a day if it's giving you the heebie jeebies. But look, you really quickly go through this. Set the timer for 20 minutes. Bring your child to the potty or the toilet.

Say we're going to set this for five minutes. Let's read a book or sing some songs together. Check if they've done anything. If they haven't go, no problem. But try again in 20 minutes. If they have, say, oh my God, look at you. You did a wee. Make a big fuss of it. That's amazing. You let go of your wee. It went into the potty. Let's flush it away. Fantastic. We're setting the timers for 20 minutes. Go again. We're checking in on our, do we need a wee or a poo? You didn't need a wee or a poo? You didn't need a wee or a poo, that's brilliant.

Let's try again in 20 minutes. You're really getting the hang of this. Like you really are, you've got to go full Bosco. Yeah, full coach. Yeah, full game show host. You know, what's that one, Blue Peter? You are a children's TV host and you are keeping it animated, this exciting, we're learning to control our we,

we're learning to let it go. Is there a reward at the end of the experience? If your child needs rewards, give them as many rewards as you want. On that first day, they can have a sweet every time they sit in the potty. You do what you have to do because everything can be phased out.

You know your kid, you know your kid, if they're the kid, he'll just sit there and hold your hand and be happy with that. Brilliant. But if they're the kid who needs to hold a bag of Smarties, who cares? I would have been that kid. Yeah, you do what you have to do because you know if you started it, you can't go back.

Wow, okay. I feel terrible for this woman and I think all these crashes need a real kick up the hole because I'm hearing so many horror stories about it and I'm like, that's not fair. You're holding these kids back. And I shout out to those working in crashes who are being told, done I trained my child. Thank you. Bye. Yeah, well, that's not what's happening now. I know, but I just want to give a shout out to the people working in crashes too.

Well, I don't understand the mentality because I'm sorry, it's normally your role in there to tell the parent, I think we should start talking. Like you've got to get back to thinking, well, what's best for the kids? Look, they're shite stand up comedians. Yeah. What's easy for you? What's best for the kid? Yeah, there's people who shouldn't be in their job.

My my speech sounds really crazy at the moment because I got my brace tightened last week. Well, I'm not saying he's a shite dentist, but I feel like I was assaulted. He was pretty rough with you. Pretty rough. I was in agony for two days. Look, we have one more question and it is around lies. You're kid telling lies.

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