Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - Tina's Potty Training Blueprint, Bedtime Routines 101 & Distracting A Spoiled Child

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

Are you dreading potty training? Is your kid refusing to go to bed? Is your kid spoiled and throwing tantrums? Welcome back to another episode of Honey! You’re Ruining Our Kid! Myself and Jarlath have been here, there and everywhere. Life has been so busy we are feeling like we have toddler sleep deprived fatigue again. Definitely a tiredness we thought we had outgrown. So we are sending hugs to all the tired 🥱 parents out there. We see you. We have three banger questions for you today.Question 1.Do your kids sleep well once they are in bed but getting them into the bed is the exhausting part? How do you switch up your bedtime routine so that you don’t end up on the couch regretting everything that just happened. This week we help a mum recalibrate her bed time ritual so that both her girls feel a little more independent and perhaps more involved in their bedtime schedule. Calm heads, happy hearts that hopefully lead on to sweet dreams.Question 2.We have a life hack for spoiled kids and definitive proof that it works. What does distracting your child mean? How do you break away from the idea of punishment and consequences? The idea of "ignoring and distracting" seems wrong and yet it gets the best results. How and why does it work? Children want attention let’s teach them a better way of getting it.Question 3.When is the right time to start potty training. What are the steps to success? What should you never do. What works. Tina’s blue print is here. Listen in to find out.Thank you for listening in to another episode of Honey You’re ruining our kid. Email any questions into us at [e-mail], I’ll do my very best to help you and we will always take time to discuss your question on the pod. Go to www.jigser.com/gigs for tickets to see Jarlath's new show live.

It's the return of honey. You're ruining our kid, the parenting podcast from the Irish Manorough Podcast Network, with me, Jarleth Regan and Tina. Hello. The brains of the operation. I always say the brains of the operation because she's who you're really tuning in for. I'm reading out your emails and Tina's got the answers. Hopefully.

I get it. We don't have a tiny kid anymore. So we're away from that. or supposedly away from that fog of tiredness that you feel when your kid is really, really small. But since January, I've done more than 30 shows and we've traveled all over the world to do them. It's been chaotic.

The UK over to America. Chaotic is the word because it's just so much all the time. It really brought me back to when our sun was tiny. Yeah, well, we feel very like our bones feel head. heavy with tiredness and that's something you feel when you've got little kids. Yeah, you think when am I going to survive without intravenous coffee? I have. I ever, like you don't actually feel like your judgment's great because there's a haze.

There's like a, this kind of dull headache. I remember, I felt it in the car the other day when I was driving. It was like, what is this feeling? I was like, oh yeah, it's toddler tiredness that you get when your kid is. It's so hard to describe that tiredness, but you're right. at the moment, I feel like we're right back in it. The only difference is our sleep, if it's being interrupted, is our own fault. We're not being woken up.

And you think it's never going to go, but it does. And I can feel the fog lifting a little bit today. So we thought, what better time to jump back on and jump start, honey, you're ruining our kid for season four, episode seven. And we're going to take you hopefully all the way to the summer holidays, which of course, everybody's building up for already. And just like the tiredness, as Tina reminded me before we jumped on here, the whole reason for starting this podcast

is that sense of a loneliness, that you have, the loneliness of parenting where you think it's just my kid, my kid's just this, but you're here to tell us, Tina, that now. No, and also the thing I think people

are forgetting the most is, okay, why is my kid acting like this? There's always a reason. Let's figure out the reason, let's sort out the behavior. But also, I always find, this strange is that whatever your kid's throwing out you, Tina's seen it, that none of them have any new ideas. All of these behaviors are happening somewhere else, but other parents

might not be telling you. Yeah, like I would, a kid is jumping out of the bed. My kid is not toilet training properly. My kid is spoiled. They won't tell you. Yeah, there's a lot of shame. And that, that was also why we started doing this podcast. So mom's don't have to feel ashamed of what's happening in the house. You're not on your own. Other kids are doing the same stuff. And I mean, I found myself in a chat with an eight-year-old a little while ago. And he was opening up to me about somebody he finds tricky in his life. And I was like, yeah, but I wonder why he's doing that. And the kid was like, what?

And I was like, there's a reason. It's a reason for that behavior. And I think I said something to him like, do you feel safe in your house? And you're like, yeah. And I was like, well, some kids don't. And his little eyes. And I was like, maybe you're too young for this chat. I was like, maybe you're too young for this chat.

Yeah. But you know, and it is always worth. reflecting on stuff with kids for sure that they can't see out of their own situation. I mean, you don't want to bring them into the idea that they're kids who are like losing their parents. No. You don't want to bring that in. But I guess sometimes if you've got disruptive children in the class, it's really important as a parent that you don't join in and blaming the kid. That you actually help your child understand.

You know what? That kid needs some, you know, support. and with the right support he'll stop acting out or she'll stop acting out, you know? I had an auntie who had an issue with me when I was very little.

How? He's such a cutie. Look, I'd imagine I was cheeky bollocks. I mean, look at what I've grown up to be. Professional cheeky bollocks. I mean, you know, we've said it before, but Jarlett's school are so funny. I've so many ridiculous stories from school

because I really had issues with authority. I really had issues. with going with the grain. I remember Jimmy Carr saying if you're looking for the comedian in the room, he's the one facing the other direction, which is really funny in that the crowd are looking at him, but also just how oppositional I must have been.

My auntie, I won't say which one in case any of them. Well, you've got hundreds of them. I've so many of them. So many. Had an issue. Had an issue with me. I wouldn't say had. Has.

Oh, continues to. Yeah. And this is what kills me. Is that like, I was a kid. I was a young dufus. Obviously, I'm a grown-up dufus now. But like, you can't hold stuff against a kid. You can't hold gorgeous against kids.

No. You have to allow it. Because it can feel like they're going, you did that on purpose. He is out to get my choice. Yeah. And he might be. But he also has to be allowed to grow. Yeah.

Has to be allowed change. Yeah. And I guess there's people switching schools on the basis that they, That kid has got a vendetta against my kid. But, you know, Tina's often given great guidance to people and seeing great results around getting school involved and talking it through and figuring out a way around things. But I just, she kills me when I meet this aunt.

And I can, and I've heard telling people. Yeah. He was not a nice kid. Yeah. She's talking about six-year-old darling. Like, I have sex. Yeah, that's crazy. Like, that's a new.

She's also, she's also the only one. You know, that's nearly 30 years ago. You wish. It's nearly 40, 39 years ago. I wasn't going to say that. You ruined it. I hate feeling old. What did I do the other day?

Okay, I'm going to catch myself there because I pretend I don't mind. I don't mind getting old. But the other day, there was posters up for local elections and I was like to Jarlett. Oh my God, they're so young. This is great. Some young candidates. And Jarlett nearly slammed on the brakes from me. I was like, no, no, no, they're not young.

They're not young. They're just younger than you. Something else has happened. Canada is to roughly the same age. It ruined my day and week and maybe my year because I was like, oh, God. Oh, no. Well, we've got an awful lot to get through in this week's episode. Is your kid maybe veering into the spoiled category?

Do you worry that other parents are going, that kid, they're judging your child? I hate people judging kids. We've got a great email. that if you're if you're concerned that the horse is bolted a little bit and the kid has become spoiled you'll want to stick around for that email of course potty training is going to make an appearance this week we haven't had a potty training uh email in a long long time and bedtime the most crucial time coming back around to sleep just go to bed why and how can we get these kids

to bed and stay in the bed in their own bed without any hassle we're going to talk about that and and give you a few recommendations that I think are pretty game-changing. Tina, thank you for doing this. Yeah, I am so excited to do it. And at the end of the show, we'll explain maybe a little bit why we've missed a few. I had a couple of the best nights sleep of my life in the last two days, and I know that a lot of parents on here won't want to know about this. But it hasn't helped your darkness.

I'm still walking around like a zombie. And he only thinks that because the whoop tells him, And I think the whoop, sorry, no-fam's whoop, is full of shit. Because I wear one too, and it's full of shit. I don't know. Like, if you want to try one of these whoops out, we've got a special offer coat. I should put the link in. Tina thinks it's full of shit.

But I think it actually is really helpful in knowing when you need to slow down or when you need to take a breather. Because I think, yes, it is saying to me that I'm 94% recovered. But my brain fog doesn't agree. But then brain fog can be a totally different thing. Maybe my buddy is saying that you need to get out and do some exercise. And that that might help everything. But I know that today's first question, this person is struggling with sleep like a lot of you.

She says, love the show, hoping you can help me. I'm a single mom and I have two girls aged four and seven. I've increasingly been struggling with bedtime. It's taking two and a half hours. It's not the going to sleep. They both go to sleep independently within a few minutes. It's just I can't seem to get them into bed any quicker. That's tricky.

That's tricky. That's a feeling you feel out of control. You're not in control of the situation. So once they're in the bed, they'll go down. So they are tired. Yeah. We head upstairs around seven for stories. Yeah, that's a good time for that.

Yeah. So far so good. I've always done stories in my room first so we can all sit on the double bed together. That's an interesting one. But that is so cozy. So cozy. Why would we leave this bed? After stories, it's PJs and teeth and bed. I can already see that, what? Yeah. The spark of an idea changing Tina's mind here. That last bit is 15 to 20 minutes. So not a big problem. Now, while I would rather they put on there, PJs, especially the seven-year-old, they are in bed fairly quickly after stories and they go to sleep independently. The story's part is the problem. Oh, the stories part is that. One more story. Oh no. One more tune. The older one is not interested but doesn't want to stay downstairs on her own. I've tried several things to keep her occupied during the stories. Art. She likes art,

letting her choose, some books, even screens. For the most part, though, she's a complete distraction. The younger one is easily distracted by her, especially as she's not that interested in the stories either. Oh, hold on. Oh, no. Nobody wants the stories. There's something very wrong here because children love stories. Yeah, despite this, she insists on four to five stories.

And now. 45 stories. No, sorry, four to five. What was that thing you did before? Tina, it was CBD drops. They said four to five drops and I was taking 45 drops. of CBD oil. That's when you were sleeping real good.

I was like, I got this taste in my mouth for the day. 45 drops of this stuff. I was like, no, Charlotte, 4 to 5. 4 to 5. Just 4 to 5 drops. 35 drops. You must as well just drink it. You did that.

That's something you actually did. But this is, just to be clear, it's 4 to 5 stories, not 45 bedtime stories. I forgot about that. Anyway, she says she'll cry if she doesn't get them, right? Oh, no. There we go. I think she just likes the together time. Of course.

Both talk constantly during the stories. So it's very hard for me to stay on track. This sounds like the cutest thing ever to watch. Then one or other will want a drink or a snack. If I bring up the snack at the start, it's not the right snack. It's not enough food. In the end, I get exasperated. The kid's getting giddy and bold.

I have to conjure them into their pajamas, teeth basically and everything taking ages. By the time I'm heading downstairs, my good night wishes are not very heartfelt. The poor mummy, and she's doing such a good job. This makes me feel awful. I'd love to hear. We all feel that way. So give yourself a break. I'd love to hear any ideas on improving the routine when you have no partner allowing you to divide and conquer.

I used to be able to put the younger one to bed in a few minutes and then focus on the older one. Sometimes we chatted, sometimes we played a couple of games or read her a book more appropriate for her age. Now the younger one's stories take so long, there's no time for that. But part of the reason they take so long is the older one's behavior. It's a bad cycle. We've got into and that I can't seem to get out of. If you have any words of wisdom, Tina, I'd really appreciate it. Many thanks, Anonymous.

Wow. Well, I mean, straight away. First of all, what a cool mom. She's so lovely. And feeling that exhausted and tired after bedtime regime, no matter how well it went, is pretty normal. I mean, even the best of the best bed time routines still result in a frazzled parent coming down the stairs, right?

Sorry, I'm a bit out of breath. There's a lot going on in that. bedtime routine. Four to five stories, I think to me that stands out as the day. It's one story. Pick it. Well, okay. That might be me being militaristic. I do think you have a point. It should be one story. But she's going to have to completely scrap what she's doing. It's not working. Oh really? Scrap it. Go back to basics. And what I would suggest she starts doing is this, right? If possible. So it's two and a four year old. These are great ages because they're kind of still into the same. Seven and four.

What? You said four and two? Let me just double check that. Sorry. It is four and seven. Oh, God. I just heard that wrong from the very start. I heard of the two kids. Okay, this is even better. This is even better because this makes what I was thinking in my head doable. Right. So I think what mom should do is, first of all, supper becomes something they do before they even go upstairs.

And the four and seven year old get to watch one. cartoon while they're having their supper. Yeah. Do you chart this up? I think a chart would be amazing. I'm not sure how the seven-year-old will take a chart. Seven-year-olds, but like, old. I'm cool.

Seven guys. Like, but maybe the visual aids help every kid. Just knowing what is expected of them is a camming. Yeah. And you can even. Now and next. Yeah. Like, you can even just do like a really cute, um, cartoon picture thing of snack,

Supper time, pajama time, wash your tea time, wash your face, do your wheeze into bed for story, right? Yeah, I like that you're going, get the admin

out of the way so that story's the last thing. Oh yeah, story has to be the last thing. The kind of more tricky things after that. No, yeah. That's where the chaos begins.

I get it back. They're active again. But a supper will also keep your child's sleep longer at nighttime because they're not going to wake up hungry, okay? Yeah. And supper, I just mean like, you know, like a slice of toast and a glass of milk or a slice toast and water.

What about the, if we're going to take it bit by bit, this nonsense they're going on with, that's a not enough snack. That's not the right snack. Oh no, but that's why. How do we get around that? But that's why it has to be so clear. You cannot let them become involved in the process. You're in charge of the process.

I do boss. So you do your supper. You get to watch a cartoon. Only one cartoon, never more. The minute you go more than one, you're in trouble. Once the cartoons over, you just turn off the telly, and you just go, okay, time to get into your pajamas. You know, this is where the visual chart might be handier.

When you're in your pajamas, okay, brilliant, let's brush your teeth. You'll always have an egg timer for them to do that. That's quite calming as well when they're watching that come down. Okay, time to do our wheeze. Now, into bed for story time. This mom is so wise to keep the stories going, because we know reading to your child is one of the most important bonding things you can do, And it's super great for their vocabulary and their concentration, everything.

It helps everything. But it's just one story. One story for the two. Yes. And is it done in the bed? Yeah, but the mom's bed. Yeah. You think so.

Yeah. I think that's a gorgeous, cozy routine I've got going there. And if you stop interrupt me, I have something to say. Okay. That's a cozy routine they have going there. So one story, two of them in the bed. and then they're old enough then to choose one story from the bookshop

that they bring to their own beds and they sit in their own beds trying to read their own book now the seven year old is going to have more success with this than the four year old but that they you know they can look at the pictures then books out

music box on off to sleep so it sounds like the mom is enjoying the five stories yeah of course Because it is good time together. So what you're suggesting is you need to make the time together the supper and the cartoon. The time together is snuggled on the couch for the one cartoon before bed.

I'm not really suggesting that. But don't you think that there's going to be backlash then to we're not doing five stories in bed? But already she's already said that seven-year-old isn't into the stories. And she said that the... She doesn't have to explain herself. At all. She doesn't have to say, we're doing it different now.

You guys are a little bit older. Yeah. Everything changes when you get older. Kids are, they're dying for some independence. But isn't that the reluctance of so many parents to go, this is how it is now?

And like, you just jumped straight to the idea that I'd hope mom be watching a cartoon as well. Mom doesn't have to watch a cartoon. She's allowing them to watch, she doesn't have to do that at all either, but she's allowing them to watch a cartoon while they have their supper.

Or, you know, I mean, like into the night garden, or remember CBBs used to do that story time, which is very cute. And then into the pajamas, brush your teeth, so that it's so calm by the time they get to your bed. That's a beautiful thing you should keep going as long as you can. But your seven-year-old is quickly growing out of that. They don't want to be a mom's bed for story. So then it's lovely to allow them the opportunity to read their book quietly to themselves,

get a little nightlight in. Once the book is done, books out. And that's when a sound machine is great because you can put on like a sleep meditation or just some sounds with a nightlight and they go off to sleep. I love that you're putting the book in their hands because that's the habit of a lifetime, isn't it? Reading before bed for all of us. Like when we start this episode talking about why am I getting better sleep, I mean, your phone out of your room, your screens off an hour before bed is what everything recommends. So actually getting them sitting in their own bed, reading their own book, you're right, they're going to love that. Well, I mean, it's a really good practice for them, but they're still getting the snuggles with mom.

They're still getting that kind of story with mom that is all that's going to stay with them for the rest of their life, that kind of snuggly safe feeling. And then they're getting to be independent in their own beds with their own book that they choose. One book, that's enough. book goes out and also it's a great time if the kid doesn't if the seven year old doesn't want to read a book

or when they're finished reading the book allow your seven year old to start taking start doing a reflection journal yeah she can draw pictures and just a way of helping her feeling reflection journal out off to bed

the beautiful part and the credit she needs to give herself is that her kids are going to sleep unbelievable and she's managing to get both of them to sleep are about kids getting out of bed non-stop and coming in and trying to sleep in your bed yaddy yadda yada and we've

recommended tailor-made babies a bunch of times on this show yeah she's incredible sleep specialist you can find her if you Google tailor-made babies she literally come to your house well she doesn't come to your house it's all remotely done oh sorry I I thought she came to the place

no no she does it all over the phone so she can help anyone anywhere in the world yeah and she's had success pretty much everybody that she's worked with we even had her on the show. Yeah, she's incredible. And I mean, she must be amazing because she doesn't do home visits and she gets to success. Yeah.

So if you're listening to this now, well, that's not our situation. But a lot of that stuff can apply to everybody's bedtime situation, getting their routine right. Getting the, getting everybody can't. Yeah, like what this mom has established is amazing because they have a routine. But it's okay to change that routine. They're getting that bit older. And you're introducing a new routine that then is going to be easier to feel. phase out the bit in your bed

because eventually what you're going to want them to do is get into their own beds and read the books. You know, you're just building to that. One of the biggest problems that many people face is that when the stories are being read to the kids, that dad will fall asleep during the story. Yeah, yeah, true.

That was a problem for me with many a music box. Hi, Tina and Charlotte. I just discovered your podcast and listened to your episode in season one all the way back when we were talking about spoiled kids. It was on a two-hour car ride and desperation of what to...

and in desperation as to what to do with my sassy, gorgeous, lively, spoiled nine-year-old who isn't like any of my other girls. I downloaded a bunch of episodes on spoiled kids and thank God yours was the one that played first. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I came home today and asked my bored spoiled princess who was on her way to tantrum mode if she might like to sweep the floor.

She jumped at the opportunity, swept and mocked, and asked for more. I praised her, made a big deal out of the floor, and we had our first positive interaction in over a week. How cool is this? Then she asked for another job. I quit while we were ahead and told her she could do more. more tomorrow. Tomorrow I have a cookie recipe with her name out. The evening was blissful and calm. So thank you so much for the advice. Yes, two years ago, but obviously recorded for me in this

moment. Can't wait to hear more on this in future episodes. Well, that is a huge clap on the back for a thing that you've been suggesting to people where the kid is on the verge of a meltdown. and you said at one point go to the sink and see will they play with the bubbles and do some dishes for you. Yeah, just distracting them. Just a distraction behavior.

But it was really nice that that mom was listening back because we got another email from somebody wondering when was the episode of the kid who couldn't stop washing their hands. And I don't actually remember that. I think they might be mixing it up with the kid who couldn't stop brushing their teeth.

I mean, the brushing the teeth one is really classic because you just showed kids out to brush their teeth in school. Yeah, I went too far though. And explained the possibility of what could happen to your teeth. If you don't brush them. Oh, God, it was awful. This kid became obsessed with his teeth. There had to be an intervention on this. Truly hilarious. But also, you know, kind of a sign of the risk you're taking in that they, if they hear this for the first time and they hear it at the wrong moment, they can become obsessed with this. I had a friend of mine get in touch about the school talking about nutrition and saying,

everybody's going to keep a food notebook. For little kids. For little kids? Oh God. Honestly, that's playing with fire where they're monitoring and tracking. Their calorie intake can definitely lead to some sort of eating. Why do they need to do that? Exactly.

I mean, why? That doesn't make sense. Just take some photos of the foods that you're eating. No, or just teach them about what's healthy and what's not. But don't make them aware of their calorie intake. But let's get back to this one though. This mom was at the end of her tether. She's out in a drive and she's going one in a two with this kid.

I love the idea that she's just, sorry if you're talking about, that she's just put spoiled into the search engine and that it's throwing a podcast to deal with that. Yeah, I'm delighted that ours played first because that, like, when you think about, like, we all love super nanny. You, you, you, you, is not doing as you mom and dad told you. Got a naughty step for four minutes because you're four. I hate the naughty step.

That is being you. and abused across the world as a result of that show. Well, you know me. I can't cope. If I see anyone under the age of six on a naughty step, I'm like, they don't even know why they're there. This is totally irrelevant. Like, this is so no good to that child. We got a dog, glad.

That's our big, big news. We got a dog. Yeah. And it does bring you back to behavior. And, you know, because obviously the dog's got certain behaviors that you're like, this is such puppy nonsense. She's such a cute dog though. I finally have my little girl. She's so cute.

Unbelievable, adorable princess of a golden Labrador. But like she doesn't know what you're giving out to her for. Yeah, I drive Mikey mad when he's like, mom, she doesn't speak English. I'm talking to her. She understands. But why not put a kid on a step for crazy out of control behavior? Explain that again because similar to the dog. not that kids are like dogs,

there's certain, certain punishments that aren't, the dots aren't going to connect. No, and for, well, like, there's so many schools and thoughts on this, but in my experience,

and from what I've seen and in my workings, it's always better to ignore bad behavior and reward positive behavior. And that is hard for parents to do because some parents think, no, but we have to do.

deal with this. He did something bad or she did something terrible and we have to have a consequence for this right now when they're way too small to understand the concept of what they did, what was wrong about it and what a consequence is. So like you're putting a two-year-old on a step for two minutes. They don't even understand time. And by the time they're on that step, they don't even remember what they did wrong, what they're there for. So they're really confused. And then you're expecting an answer out of them, they're never going to be able to give you. And you're teaching them to say sorry just to get out of stuff. What about if you feel like they know well what they're doing? They know they're winding me up. Yeah, well, there's always an element of that when you're a

parent, no matter how much you've read or anything, there is an element of. And there's a bit of true to it. He's a little niggler. Sometimes your kids are, they're getting a little bit of a kick out of it, but you're still the grown up. You still have to keep that sense. separate. And what I found works really well is if they're not putting themselves in danger and you can just ignore and redirect their behavior, like with a distraction, like brushing the floor, washing the tables, getting a rug and hitting out the dust of it, getting them a shovel and letting them dig in the ground and plants and flowers, all that stuff's amazing. You know, helping them make the bed or like she said, getting them doing a cookie recipe, something that

involving their hands and just distracts them from the terror they were about to commit. And it's not a case is it of going, you've been bold, now you're going to clean the floor. No, you don't even mention it. You're trying to get in. You're actually making it like this is a reward for being a big boy. Oh, no. You don't have to say anything at all. Let's clean the floor.

You're literally just distracting them to something else. Unless they've already blown up. And in that way, as long as they're safe, you just let it get out of their system and then you do a reflection time to get her later like I saw that you were angry. What were you angry about? What did you think made you feel that way? What can we do next time to stop that? Now as they get older, there has to be a consequence, you know, but I still don't ever agree with timeouts or naughty steps. I hate them. When you were working in these behaviour units, you obviously worked in all sorts of settings. What was the hardest nut to crack in terms of that kind of behavior where it feels like you're doing

that on purpose. I can see you're getting a rise for it. Yeah. What did you find was the trickiest? Well, I think the trickiest kids to work with are the kids who don't have any, um, additional needs. They are just kids who don't feel secure in themselves. So it actually like they've, to the outside world, they look like they have everything they want. But what they don't have is that feeling of calm and safety. And they don't have a need nearly at the start to try and behave

because they're really enjoying getting in trouble all the time because when they get in trouble they're getting the full attention of a grown-up. So that is hard because they don't care how they get the attention, they just want the attention. So you're going to have to come

from a very nurturing place to those kids. You've got to try and bond with them and let them see that when you're just calm and gentle and, you know, trying to participate in the class, we like you then too because they've associated being liked with getting in trouble. Yeah, yeah. And this is a cycle that they're stuck in. No more than any relationship, you know, those couples that like they think that like they row and then they make up. Yeah.

And they, you know, that that's how they actually have affection together is that we need a good row that ends. in us making out and hugging each other and making up, that like the kid can be stuck in that side pattern, right? Oh, yeah. Of what can I do wrong here? They'll eventually get my mom to come down to my level. There could be all sorts going on in that kid's life. I mean, there's something there.

Something's wrong. Like, they're not acting out for no reason. These kids are never doing it for no reason. That's why I feel like punishing them for something that's completely out of their control seems a bit unfair. That's why redirection and distraction is fair. I find it so funny that across this tour that you're seeing audience behavior when you talk to the audience, you really meet those characters who were potentially tricky kids, like the ones that won't answer the question. Or prefer to upset you than go with it and have fun.

Like what I do with the crowd in this tour at the moment is I don't, I hate. when comedians interact with the audience and the idea is I'm going to make a fool of you. Yeah. So I give them the question before the break. This is what I'm going to ask you and come back after the break with your answers. They have 15 to 20 minutes to think about, well, what would be a fun thing to say or, or better still, what's going to be a complimentary thing to say about my partner? Because it's always couples. Some of the fucking answers, they come back with some of these dudes.

Some of them. It's always the dude. Yeah. Some of them are amazing. It's so funny. because some of the couples have used the time to, like, reading as something funny. But like, yeah, but you know what,

you're so weird because I know that like... If that was you. I know I'm a terrible audience member that way. I freeze up. So there's a little of me that understands. Well, I do say to them that you can consent to take part in this because that's the other thing about audience interaction is not everybody's on board for it.

They might be sitting in the front row because they read the seating plan wrong. And they're like, I never wanted to sit here. But that has been happening is that you say to the couple I'll be talking to you after the break And then after the break they vanish into thin air They go home They moved it, they've never gone home They've moved to the back

Thankfully all of these shows are sold out So there's not a lot of spare seats So they might be standing at the back But like it's a funny choice isn't it That like they'd rather Lose the best seat in the house Than chat to you Come out and see the show if you haven't

I am going everywhere, including Grammarcy Theatre in New York for two shows. One of them is already sold out. This is on the 8th of April. Yeah, this is going to be a great night, and it's a brand new show, as I say. So the late show starts at 9. So it's not really that late.

That's the New York show. Philly the night before. That's on the 7th in the Philly, what is it called? The Theatre of Living Arts, it's called. beautiful theatre. And the Wilbur in Boston. I love the Wilbur. So fancy. Which is definitely one of my favourite theatres. There's a comedy club vibe while still being a theatre.

And run by a family. Which is so unusual and lovely. But my favourite of all your venues is the TLT. I don't know if people have gone to TLT. It's like... The Tommy Ledy Theatre in Droghada. That just went on sale. So basically, most of the tour is completely sold out. We've got a few tickets. left in Newcastle, Glasgow, Birmingham, Birmingham, Manchester's gone, London's gone, pretty much everything around Ireland's gone. We added a show on Kaliney and Klondalkin. But, you know, check out jigser.com forward slash gigs for more. This listener, though, Tina, to close the show on this potty training email, this is Tina's specialist subject.

She was on Mastermind. This is what she'd be doing. That's really sad. I absolutely adore the podcast. You guys are doing amazing work. I'm writing to you to get some advice about potty training, my second daughter who's 19 months old. Okay. We potty trained my first daughter at two and a half. I wanted to go earlier, but I had a difficult pregnancy, followed by a long recovery and couldn't manage earlier.

It was an absolute nightmare, still in progress to be. honest. About 15 months on, oh my God, she will refuse to go toilet herself for whee's without prompts. We have tried everything, including working with two toilet training consultants and following their advice for long periods. She just still needs to be prompted. Otherwise, she'll wet herself. She's a truly sensitive child, extremely strong will. And I feel like her emotions are at the heart of this issue. We read all the emotion books and talk and teach as you advised us. Anyway, why I'm writing is I want to get this right the second time around for daughter number two. She's showing huge interest in the potty, sitting on it when we go to the bathroom, helping me pull up her pants

after she goes and is very enthusiastic about reading potty books together. I've read, I've heard you speak lots about potty training before too and i'd love to do this with her but i am terrified of this turning out into the experience we had with the first people keep saying wait till they're ready but that doesn't feel right to me i've picked up lots of your potty training tips across the episodes but i guess i'm looking for a comprehensive plan to follow can you give me this tina thank you again anonymous oh jesus so the comprehensive plan is essentially she wants the blueprint she wants yeah basic and I do have a I do have a actual thing I always follow when I'm out there doing it myself and the only complicated part of this is I don't

know the kid you know and sometimes I feel really stressed out when I'm doing this kind of answer for a parent who's really needs an answer and I'm like I'll do my best but I don't know your kid's personality so I can only give you like a general sense of what I think you should do but hoping that the parent knows you know your kid better than me you know you got to be able to trust your mommy gut more than you trust my words now my practiced method of potty training is once they show any signs any interest at all you got to get rid of the nappies and nampies have to be out of the house they're gone you're never going back to them. If your child thinks they can go back to the nappies, you're not going to be successful

toilet training. And I'm always like day and night at the same time. Why confuse them but letting them think it's okay to wet the bed? If they're ready to use a toilet, they're ready. Now, the biggest question, are you ready? Because this is work. Are you ready? Set aside the days. Yeah. You need to choose the days care. You need at least, you know, three to five days where you are at home with your kid. And then I always say you get a little timer and you are going to bring your kid to the potty every 20 minutes. Maybe even every 10 minutes if you think they need that. But every 20 minutes, you're going to sit them down for two minutes and you can make it fun. Like they can be in front of the telly. It can be with a book. You know, if you need to use an iPad, do whatever you need to do.

You set a timer for two minutes. You get, you look in together. Oh, there's no we there. We'll check again in 20 minutes. And you keep going until they're successful. When they're successful, when they're You're like, oh my God, you did a wee. This is amazing. And like, there is a reason Miss Rachel is so popular with kids because what does she give them? The smiles, the happiness, the enthusiasm. You got to do your best Miss Rachel impression for the whole time. You know, got to be in your kids corner being like, oh my goodness, look at you. You're such a big guy. You've done it. If they have an accident, you say nothing. You change them. You put on your clothes. You keep going with the timer. you don't make them feel bad about doing the wee, you don't, anything like that, you just, it happens, you help them get changed. I'm not saying don't look at them, but try and avoid eye contact a little bit.

Definitely don't talk about it unless they ask questions about it, but don't be the one to do it. Just keep going as normal, keep the timer. Eventually, you'll phase the timer out. Eventually, they will know my wee's coming. I need to go toilet. And eventually, you move on. to the toilet.

But it's all about the positive reinforcement. So what I mean by that is every time they do we give them a jelly or a sticker or something they love. Every time.

That's okay. You're not going to do this forever. You're going big when you're trying to get the... Absolutely no jelly or sticker. They don't do it. No.

But why would you reward that? Yeah. Well, the temptation is, right? Because you'll feel bad for them. But all you have to say in a Miss Rachel voice is there's no wee in there. You'll get a jelly when you do your wee. Like, you just need to do that.

You heard me do that. You've seen me. Can I talk to Michael like this for so long? Mm-hmm. And I'd be in the other room writing. And I'm so grateful you did. But all I'd hear through the wall was, Hey, yeah, Mike.

It was like having Miss Rachel in the next room. Look at Miss Rachel. She's a phenomenon. And all she's... Brain melted. But it works. All that woman is doing is exactly what I've been trying. You see those TikTok videos of the kids smiling at the tell you when she comes home?

I have been trying to tell parents this for years. Smile, energy, enthusiasm with your kids. It's all they want. And when you're doing something like this, that is going to help so much. Now, also, if this goes well, your older child, I'm not saying to shame them. But they won't want to not be going toilet if their younger sibling is different. doing it. So hopefully that'll be the little bit of a pull they need to be successful. The benefit of sibling rivalry is real. But you know what? Don't start toilet training until you

start noticing that their nappies are dry in the morning. Because if your kid can't make it through the night without wedding, it's a lot to put on them. Or because you also have to be ready, like I say, to get up during the night and bring them to the toilet. But if you notice and it's definitely what I always wait for. Okay, they're dry again. You have to start saying to them, well done, you held your way the whole night. That's amazing.

So that they know they do hold their way the whole night. You know, it's something they're capable of. If they're not capable of it, you're just sending them up to fail. And there is no point starting toilet training if the idea of a nappy is ever going to be reintroduced. So I've seen you give this answer a bunch of times and I've seen people come and talk to you directly about it.

And the thing that's sticking. except in my mind that probably you're not saying is one, the throwing out of the nappies can happen together, putting them in the bin together. We don't need them anymore. Yeah. So they're actually visually putting them in the bin. And also the faith. Yeah.

Like you have to believe that it's going to happen. Yeah. And some of the moms and dads that come to us, are like, but what about regression and what about if it's taking longer? Like, I've seen Tina do this in the couple of days. And if you stay the course. Yes. And that's why she's saying set aside the days, get the shopping delivered on those days.

So you're at the house the whole time. It's miraculous. And like your kid's going to get bored of the timer. That's why the timer is important. They're going to be like, mom, I got this. They're not going to want to have to go to the potty every time. 20 minutes. Yeah, they're like, okay, I need to go to.

And then you can organically say to them, okay, well, when you feel that you know you need to go, tell me and we'll go together. But not on the first day. You need at least two days we're using the timer. I have tried to help lots of parents who refuse to try at the nappies. Those parents are never successful. And like Jarlett says, you got to believe in your kid. Your kid knows if you believe in them or not.

It's a really hard thing to do. Yeah. But you have to know your kid is going to. wet themselves. There's going to be times when they do and just don't make a big deal of that. Because kids will seek out attention wherever they can get it. And if they feel like, actually, when I wet myself, I get all this time with mommy when she's changing my pants and putting me new clothes. Yeah, I'm the center of attention. Yeah. Like I mean, it sounds straight crazy, but that happens, you know. I mean, not talking to your kid in those moments is hard. Very tough. And you don't want

to punish them. You never want to make them feel like they're being punished. You're like pulling your face around to their face, going, don't really. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, never, ever do that. Never do that. I don't want you to be cold. But I just mean, don't do a Miss Rachel when you're changing them. I watched the movie weapons on the plane on the way back from America.

And there is a whole scene where the kid is trying to get the parents to talk to them and they're under a trance. And it is heartbreaking. The performance, this little actor, if you were at all weird about kids in the whole. horror films. Do not watch the movie. No, I wouldn't be able to. Dean, on the other hand, watch Sinners, which might be the funniest thing I've ever seen. This is how Tina watched Senners.

Skip forward right to the end. Watch the end. Skip back. Start the movie. Skip forward. Skip forward. Skip back. Watch that scene. What's the end of the next scene? Skip back? It was like Memento.

I'm so afraid. What the hell is she did? And then interspersed with. this she would put on the finale of dairy girls every 15 minutes. It's like what kind of? If I saw you, I said this kid is amazing. Well, I was finding Sinai's so terrifying that I would put on that bit, the dancing scene in Dairy Girls just to cheer me up.

And then I'd go back and I'd start. So what I was doing was, I'd go to the very end. Yes. Watch 10 seconds. Then go back 20 seconds. Watch it at 20 seconds. It did. It's perfect.

I'm glad that you explained it. I needed to know everything was going to be okay. Yeah. Yeah. In a vampire. I still haven't watched the whole thing properly. Just needed to know the vampires. Got what they needed in the end.

It's been great to be back on the airwaves with you guys. You one more thing? Yeah. Well, we said we'd explain ourselves. Oh, of course. Yeah. Now, we need to talk about, I was about to wrap it up there. But obviously, we haven't been on the air.

I haven't had an episode in quite. a while. Yeah. That is down to this ridiculous workload and schedule that we've had over the last few months. So apologies. Yeah, we're really sorry for that. And also, in truth, I've been finding it a little bit overwhelming with the commitment I undertook six years ago. Six years ago, Tina would say, look, get mail in and I'll help you no matter what. I'll give you a strategy. Yeah. But realistically, the amount of mail that's coming in there isn't possible for her. And I was getting a little bit stuck in my kind of panic of... I'm sweating.

Yeah. So what I decided to do is please keep me email and your questions. And we will talk about them on the podcast. But I, and if there's a question that comes in and I'm like, oh, they really need individual help. I'll try my best. But I can't keep up with it that way. I think that's fair enough. I mean, we want you on the show.

We don't want you burned out to the point where you can't do the show. So for the future of this show, that's the approach. that's going to be email in. We'll try and talk about your question on the episode. And if it's a very, very severe situation, she will, of course, back to you. Yes, absolutely. But, Tina, we're just grateful that you're doing it. You're taking the time out to do it to share your experience for free.

There's a free podcast. Please email in, honey, you are ruining our kid at gmail.com. We'll do our best to help you. Thanks again, Tina. Thanks again, Tina. Thanks, thank you to everybody that's come out to the show. shows and been so, so kind. We've got a long way to go to summer, but we're going to be here. Yeah, and thank you so much for understanding, because there's a lot of emails I still have to

get to. And through the podcast, we will. And I feel a little bit lighter now after saying that. Thank you. Good stuff. Thanks a lot. See you next time.