Honey You're Ruining Our Kid - When Good Kids Turn Rude, The Poo Hoarding Kid & The Dad Child S2E34

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

The smell of summer is upon us or is that just panic in the air? How the hell are we going to entertain our kids? Tina can help with that worry on this week’s episode. Plus Jarlath looks back on some hilarious childhood tales, we hear about a kid that treasures his poo and a kid that is all of sudden rude to their mother. Can you get on top of a behaviour that suddenly appears? Tina thinks so.Question 1- What do you do when your kid starts being rude? What is the appropriate response? How can you get your child to stop?When daddy has fast become the favourite and you feel personally attacked at every turn how do you manage your emotions while surviving your toddler. Question 2- We all want our children to be proud of themselves but what do you do when they have taken pride in their waste disposal management. This week we hear from a mum whose kid has started storing their poos, spurred on by immense pride in their shites they have fallen into the habit of not only showing their poos off proudly but of saving them and displaying them. Question 3- The summer break is fast approaching. How will we keep our kids entertained? How will we stop ourselves from losing our minds. Get the family meeting going. Get the wall chart out. Plan the summer as a team. Make it fair, make it fun, make it workable. Thank you for listening in to another episode of our parenting podcast. If you want more head on over to our Patreon. Email any questions into [e-mail]. For an extra chunk this week head to www.patreon.com/irishmanabroad - Jar and Tina talk about regulating kids and their technology. Patreon is how we fund this podcast - please considering supporting us and its creation today.

Good morning and welcome to another episode of Honey, You're Ruining Your Kid. I'm Jarleth Regan. And I am Tina Regan. You did it right on cue. I didn't know if you'd be ready for that at this hour of the morning. I'm never ready. We're here recording. Everyone's been dropped off to school.

And just like you, a little bit of me time now. A little bit of time for yourself. Just relax, enjoy it. Whoever you're listening to this with, whether you're walking the dog or you've just got it on while you're getting bits done, you're very welcome to the show. We are going to be talking about all sorts of stuff today,

including the summer holidays, including a child obsessed with poo and the most common problem of all, a cheeky little fecker. Yeah, my favourite, my favourite problem. Cheeky kids. Dina a cheeky little fecker yeah my favorite my favorite problem cheeky kids dina loves cheeky kids i love them i don't know if i was a cheeky kid but i was definitely uh very conscious that my behavior would be judged by the lord almighty i was a god-fearing child for sure were you uh i definitely felt watched i felt like oh no the guilt of being

bold he sees you when you're sleeping he knows when you're awake kind of thing i definitely tried to be a good girl because i wanted to be to get into heaven yeah and i was so afraid of purgatory i thought you were gonna say pervs no the pervs watching me as well my nanny was always talking about purgatory and that really frightened me explain purgatory to people that aren't familiar well in my understanding of it is when you die some people get stuck in purgatory while the big man decides where you're going hell or heaven and you need people down here to pray for them and light candles for them so that they can make like a waiting room yeah and then a halloween sometimes it's the people trapped in purgatory this is really going off they come back and we have to wear our masks to scare them away so they

don't stay yeah so they did away with the idea of purgatory during our childhood oh it's purgatory god now yeah it's all god yeah but sure the whole thing was god forgives you no matter what so there's no purgatory anymore sure you're in up you go oh my god how's he talking about telling us to forgive everybody when oh yeah purgatory definitely kept me good well the reason i bring it up is that uh you've been reading this week about. Will you explain it, that this generation doesn't have the same belief in a higher power or whatever it is? Yeah, well, there's some people coming forward

at the moment saying that they think that... I hate generalising. One of the problems with this generation. Is that they are not afraid of the old seeing eye. Some of them don't even know about it yeah i think they're better off not knowing about me too absolutely but because of that they're lacking in motivation to be good what kind of motivation is that oh i'm not saying they are but this is what people are saying they're putting there seems to be a general malaise that people are observing among young

people younger people that they're not as willing to practice and try as hard as maybe we did or the generation before us you know hard work the idea of hard work they're more go with the flow now it's hard to know which one is well to me under my understanding of you know what we were talking about at the start there was all centered around deferred gratification which is the problem here yes the deferred gratification was a thing that we all talked about and all knew that in the long run this was the right thing to do even though it was difficult at the time and it was what lent was about yeah even birthdays we knew that's when we get a present like you know there's a problem we are all at the hands off that um these kids don't wait for

anything they have everything but it's also i think that less the point that i would take from what you've been reading is more the vacuum of there being a greater sense of things and that things being too in the moment of the day and without a sense of the metaphysical, the universe, the sense of how did all this come to be. Okay. That is a philosophical vacuum for kids kids and maybe our one wasn't correct but it did make me when you brought this up this weekend i had just been listening to a comedian i

love pete holmes uh talking about he he talks about consciousness a lot and i realized i hadn't really talked to mikey our 13 year old son about what he thinks of consciousness what does he view as consciousness and it just even that conversation sparked a wider view of the world just a wider view that we cannot put our finger on where your sense of teeniness exists yeah where is it it is such a strange one because when you work in early years there's a period of time where the tiny little kids are obsessed with that what is around what am i what am i how do i fit in what is the universe where did the me come from? Yeah. It's incredible. And then I guess.

It's like I'm obsessed with it. Yeah, you are. Like I love the, I obviously studied philosophy in university so that I could become a professional philosopher. There's still time, Gary. See, now technically I am. Oh my God. I've already become one, right? hey oh i see now technically i am oh my god i've already become right but like even the most simple conversation with your kid on this like the one that i love to say is um when you sing happy

birthday to yourself who hears that who who is listening to that yeah what is the ear inside your head that is hearing your thoughts as you sing happy birthday and this this idea that you're living in a space suit that is your body and the you-ness that is you that if you were in a coma would still exist i mean that is just that wider concept of science not being able to explain absolutely everything yeah true and the unit being able to sit with your units is really where your confidence comes from we're going to get back to talking about poo very soon guys don't don't worry this is just some some deep shit to start the podcast we've so many emails in tina yes i'm really behind with the replies i'm trying my best you're of course you

are i mean really this is a this is a very small operation here i i am jarleth i am the comedian tina is my wife she's the one with the behavioral expertise 20 years in the business working with kids of all ages and the most severe behavioral issues imaginable she's seen it all there's nothing you can email in that she won't have seen and won't have a strategy that can help you with so irishmanabroadpodcast.gmail.com is the general email address honey you're ruining our kid at gmail.com is the way to contact us with your anonymous questions when people get in touch and they say please don't read out my email on the podcast does that make you go oh yeah sometimes but i totally get it sometimes they're afraid that their friends listen to the podcast or their family together yeah they're like i can't risk it

there's already so much and i totally get that oh my god yeah well these these uh questions this week are fantastic i mean the cheekiness is our first one let's dig straight into it didn't sleep a wink last night tina i've been yawning a little bit at the start of the show apologies for that i i rarely have those nights i always think of my friend tara who lived in england she had those nights nearly every night yeah like she used to get really anxious around six and seven in the evening because she just knew what was ahead of her

I rarely have those nights I'm a great sleeper and what were you worrying about I don't know I guess it's exam week and

I was worrying about all the children doing exams not just her own I just so I guess I was like if you're awake

just wake me up for sexy times oh my god like I mean the option's always there I don't know what to say to that

no man is ever going to be like what you wake me up for that for ever okay noted I will I am blushing

I am blushing hi Tina and Jar I hope you guys are doing well I'm wondering if you could advise us as to how to deal with the three and a half year old daughter's current behavior she's generally a very sweet and kind little girl I always love people qualify their emails with listen she's a great kid all the time but over the last few months she's become increasingly rude and cheeky, particularly to me, much less so to my husband. Oh, we all know that phase.

It is harsh. And he's like, she's an angel. Yeah. And he's loving the attention. She's only little. She's experimenting. There often are no obvious triggers, e.g. she'll suddenly tell me in a very rude way i'm not talking to you mommy i'm talking to daddy oh oh like this question wasn't directed at you that kind of thing

or tell me go away oh that's hard yeah you are no longer needed here buzz off she is generally more rude and bordering on entitled with me which i really want to nip in the bud i mean that's this must be pretty rare for a three and a half year old is that oh no not at all early onset teenagerism no no no i think many people the three is the trickiest age for sure so the twos have become the threes now i think so when she speaks to me rudely both my husband and i tend to respond calmly but firmly that it is not okay to speak to mommy like that and we try to show her how to say it in a nicer way i sometimes let her know she's hurt my feelings

without making a big deal of it we always try to catch and praise her when she is kind and polite daddy has also been helpful in speaking positively about me to her that's so important fair play to you because that really matters he needs to be your hype man okay that is really important i feel like you're saying that to me no but that is so important not enough people do that yeah no we've mentioned this on the show before yeah you have to model it You have to model it. You have to model it and you have to be like, you know, that John Mulaney joke. You know who's great?

Your mom. Your mom. We're all on board, Dad. Yeah. As I remember you mentioning this on a previous episode, it's really something we try to do. There are a few factors which I feel have played a role here. Historically, I was her favorite person for the first couple of years of her life. I used to rock her when she was upset as it soothes her so much.

But I had to stop around age two due to developing an injury combined with her increasing weight. She's very difficult to soothe, baby. Only let us rock her up, standing up. Prior to this, she used to angrily reject daddy's attempts to comfort her. However, from the onset of my injury onwards, daddy took over the rocking. Yes, we still do it at three and a half. And it's like administering Valium when she's upset or dysregulated okay from that point onwards daddy has become her favorite person and she often rejects my attempts to soothe her when she's upset

and can be very angry with me when i try to comfort her furthermore i am currently pregnant with our second child although she is expressing excitement and affection towards the expanding bump, I do wonder if this might be playing a role here too. I can recognise that part of this issue is that I find her behaviour upsetting and like I'm losing my baby. I'm trying to give myself compassion around this, but it's hard as it's not something which I hear other mums speak about, which feels very isolating. But her blatant rudeness towards me at times is also simply not okay and not something which I don't want to seek and something I don't want to see continue long term. Any advice you have would be very much appreciated.

Thank you so much. You guys are the best. Wow, what a cool mum. I feel so bad for her. And I think that you're wrong. And go easy on yourself. This is something a lot of moms go through. Where you've been the absolute apple of your child's eye.

They can't do anything without you. And then all of a sudden, da, it's the man. And you're like, but I gave you everything. Like, I gave you everything. Like, I gave you everything. It's a really tough phase. I find it really hard myself where I was like, oh, okay. So you just want to be with your dad all the time. That's cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

The rocking thing is so interesting to me. And the fact that she knows that her child is just trying to self-regulate. I really think that bringing in a sensory program into their day would help her be maybe more on top of her emotions throughout the day. Is this not just a case of manners? Well, no, because she's a three and a half year old child. I don't think she's doing anything on purpose. But if they've noticed that the rocking helps health care then there's maybe a sensory issue there and I think just starting the morning and night time with you know a sensory program that suits

their child whether it be rolling along a therapy ball brushing her arms just taking 10 minutes in the morning and if it suits her before bed to just calm her and get her feeling like she's a little bit more together. The only thing I'd say that the mum is doing wrong is talking about how it makes her feel and everything is fine. She's not in the moment because she's getting something from the reaction you're giving her at the end of the day and at this age it might be where she's getting her bit of crack you know they really do love a wind-up at this age and if she has figured out that that really bugs mommy she'll keep doing it and it's really tough it's so tough so when she's rude in those moments just don't respond to that at all and if you have no choice but to still interact and do something with her just do it

in silence you know still be kind and everything but don't give her the don't talk to mommy like that that's not kind later Later on, talk about that. Not in the moment. You don't want her associating those reactions, big reactions with the actual event, you know. So when I've seen this happen with our boy, I've often blamed myself because I'm always taking the piss. I'm always messing and I'm always taking the piss. I'm always messing. And I'm always joking with Tina. And I started to wonder if, is my joking disrespect that my child doesn't need to see?

Do you need to, for a time, or maybe for quite a long, as parents, I want to ask you this. Do you need to go, right? Well, we used to laugh and Josh each other all the time before we had kids, but now they're here. Is that the best thing for them to see their mother having the piss taken out of her?

Or you sound like such a ticket. You take the piss out of me all the time too. Let's be honest. That's why it's not fair but like the kid isn't being rude to the dad but obviously the dad's better at taking the piss out of the mom certainly in our instance i don't know if that's happening here but i just wanted to throw it out there i don't think the child is um no i don't think so i don't think you should ever change your i think you just need to be, you need to be careful of pulling yourself up

and apologizing in front of your child. You know, if you think the piss-taking went too far, model you owning that and taking like, oh, I went too far there. I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry. Sorry, I can barely breathe. I'm so tired today.

So what's the sensory diet or or the sensory starting the day with something sensory is really good just because that'll just be calming for the kid oh yeah i think every child needs a sensory diet they're so great and also i think that this is a three and a half year old child who's got a sibling on the way they're rocking a bedtime has to go it's got to go because they're not gonna be able to do that and that's gonna be a rejection if they don't get in there faster and i think this is very simple thing something you helped me with when mikey was tiny do a wall chart the steps before bed yeah and make it really if you can draw jarlet's very lucky he can draw he made it very

nice you do that yeah getting dressed brushing your teeth ticking it off yeah all this different Really, if you can draw, Charlotte's very lucky he can draw. He made it very nice. You do the getting dressed, brushing your teeth, ticking it off. Yeah, all those different steps at bedtime. I was going to suggest or ask if you think a wall chart of family rules the little conference

over the constitution of in this house, we're not rude to each other. Well, I think she's a bit young for that. Really? Like a wall chart of rules, but they can definitely have the conversation. Yeah.

They can definitely talk to her about how they can make it really exciting. Like and be like, you're going to be a big sister. You know, it's so exciting. There's some things we'll need to remember when there's a baby in the house because the baby's going to be watching and learning from you. We need to really be careful of the language we use in this house. We don't want to say anything that might hurt anyone else's feelings and if we do it's always okay to give that person a hug and say sorry. You know you don't we can't ever expect perfection from our kids but definitely they need to know the boundaries. But I think a wall chair at bedtime something that's fun. Get her in the habit of instead of being rocked listening to maybe one of those kid meditations or some music

in the room or just sitting in and reading the book set up a different pattern now yeah definitely see i really think when i read it i was like well if if dad isn't being rude and mom isn't being rude and you're the only one in the house talking like this, then clarity on that's not how we talk. Yeah, but they're already doing that. I just don't think they should do that in the moment. Right. Later on, talk about that. So before bed. Yeah.

Or when they're at dinner, you know, and, you know, would you talk to one of your friends like that? You know, don't talk to mommy like that. It's not nice. Mommy doesn't talk to you like that. If you need mommy to go away, what's a nicer way to say that? Because we also have to respect that in that moment, her daughter doesn't want her to go away. Yeah, she does. And she's three and a half year old using her voice.

It can be very confusing for little kids when they're like, but i'm saying the thing i want and you're not listening do you get the teacher involved and say how how are things in the classroom are kids being abrupt with each other they're like oh they absolutely they absolutely are absolutely i mean it is a war zone in an early years classroom the way the kids talk to each other is horrific for example oh like you know get out of my face you look like poo i hate you i mean you as an early years teacher you are forever having to do grace and courtesy lessons they're horrific like a prison they're horrible to each other i will end you i will end you oh my god go away i don't like you uh you cannot talk to your friend like that never speak They're horrible to each other. I will end you. I will end you. Oh, my God. Go away. I don't like you.

You cannot talk to your friend like that. Never speak to me again. It's never ending. She smells of poo. Like he's got he's a wee wee face. It's just never stops. Right. Well, then maybe it is a good idea to get the teacher involved in a kind of a class lesson around.

Yeah. But you can bet your arse that that teacher is already doing it but it's definitely a good idea to tell the teacher because then maybe she can just children of that age find it hard to realize to generalize like you need to you really need to spoon feed yeah okay you're doing really well acting like this at school but you also should act like that at home i know i use this example all the time but that little kid i had in my class who i was like you do not shout at your mommy and he was like oh oh i didn't know that this is good to know so fun he was slobber gas he was like okay we learned something today i did not know that no shouting at mom thank you thank you for telling me i know i always bring it back to the stand-up show but i there is a story in my current stand-up show

that uh my parents think is gas and i know if it's about my childhood, this story. And I know that if this was us and my child had done this and I had allowed it, I would never tell that story for fear my child would be taken off. Social services. I'm doing the show in the Olympia Theatre this week in Dublin, the three Olympia, Thursday and Friday. And it really is kind of the end of the tour. And there's a few seats left for Thursday if you guys want to go. Yeah, we've extended the tour into September, just a couple more dates. And then, of course, there's the America dates, Boston, Chicago and New York.

We added a big extra one in Boston, which is flying out the doors. And it kind of brings tears to my eyes when I think about it, to be honest with you. This has always been my dream to go over there and uh if you are an american listener to this show uh just head to jigsir.com forward slash gigs to find all the links uh for all the remaining shows and i'm just gonna start i guess writing the next one but it's funny the way you mine your childhood for these these things right that's what loads of comics do. You look them back and go, how was that okay? Yeah, it's a weird one, you know, when you talk about writing your show,

because people are always like, is that real? And I'm like, yes, it is. But it's also a cartoon version. Because at Gerald's current show, when I meet people afterwards, they're like like you should be nicer to your husband well

there's also some truth in that isn't there I don't know where to look I'm like maybe take it

on board by the way before Jarlett hit play he just showed me the most horrendous video Jarlett has

such a dark side to him it's an Instagram account I thought it called what a dickhead it's awful you showed me horrendous things.

It's my recommendation of the week on Instagram. There's a lad being chased by a bull. And then some fella comes in and rescues him and he gets on the roof of the guy's SUV. And then as he drives off, he falls off the roof. You've made that sound way better than it was.

It's a lad being mauled by a bull. Gourd is the term. Yeah. I met a guy when I was out on my run one day. Oh, yeah. In our neighbours. Yeah.

I'm not sure I'm allowed to mention that. He told me he got in fierce trouble for it. But anyway, let's get back to maybe a childhood memory that you might have of obsession with poo which is 100% normal and that's what this mom is getting in touch with Charlotte and Tina I love your show so much you're very welcome

hey Pat I love the show thank you for making it you're so welcome every Monday I step into the week thinking things aren't too bad after listening in in the back of the net

oh yeah boy that's the whole idea wondering if you can help me my two-year-old is fascinated with poo shite they say shite no she says poo i threw in shite there okay it's a funny word have regularly found it in special places oh god oh my goodness so uh is that would you say that's a retrieval from the bowl or into the hand which that is that is what i'm wondering i'm like are they in nappies yeah what age is the kid he has he was toilet trained very early on so okay so it is definitely coming from the bowl well that's amazing we're straight into the law because it's so hard to toilet train she says it was very easy our only concern is how

proud he is of what he has produced how do we get him to just flush it away and stop storing it oh god you're sincerely a very desperate mom now tommy bow uh famously when we went on an irish morning tv show explained to us that his kid was so proud of the poos would do them in the bath and then show them pick them up yeah throw them it is the size it's the volume of poo i mean we've all had a moment where we're like whoa how'd that go i had like an issue there a few months ago where unbeknownst to me i i had a poo backup remember like Like Oh I'm tearing too much This is wonderful I mean And we ended up in A&E

Remember that thing I said About Wake me up for sexy times We ended up It doesn't matter You know I didn't know what It's all good

Yeah Just do your own thing If you're awake You're awake I didn't know what was wrong with me I was in so much pain I was in agony Constipation is a thing But And thankfully this woman Does not have this problem No Because it can be very tough I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was in so much pain. I was in agony.

Constipation is a thing. And thankfully, this woman does not have this problem. No. Because it can be very tough on kids. But I was getting to the... We go to the A&E. The doctor is, like, really worried. He pulls up a thing on the wall. And Charlotte said,

So what you're telling me is, My wife is full of shit. You're telling me she's full of shit. And he looked at me like are you joking and i was like yeah yeah and but like that was the issue yeah the issue was i was full of shit this kid has no such problems no but yeah so like i don't know where i was going with that but i guess but you were really proud of what eventually emerged yes oh no so you can relate to this feeling of pride oh my gosh oh i just did one of those oh squirms oh my god okay so anyway there's no getting this back on track there is so it is a feeling of pride he's showing it off he's keeping it he thinks it's great it's a real health issue

he can't keep doing that i mean it's really dirty he can't be touching it i mean is he washing his hands when he puts it away so there needs to be an education here on germs gets it in his eyes he's in big trouble he's in big trouble absolutely in the smell and everything it has to stop absolutely has to stop where are these special places god only knows could you imagine under his pillow oh in the snacks cupboard oh my god in with is lego oh my god rolled in glitter that would be cool that would be cool like i mean there are like you know there are little poo emoji teddies and stuff you can get him if he just really likes the idea of it i don't know but this has to stop well there's make him put eyes and a smile on it and unfortunately he can't go to a toilet by himself how the hell is this child being allowed the opportunity to take the poo and do something with it or is he just not going to the toilet is he just pooing into his

hands it sounds like a germs chat it is a germs chat but he's only two because so you have to tread carefully there because all of a sudden he won't do his poos at all. There's an absolutely brilliant story of Tina teaching the class about how important it is to brush their teeth. Oh my God. And her mother eventually coming in and saying, what did you say to my son about brushing his teeth? He's brushing them 15 times a day. He wouldn't stop. He was upset.

Scrubbing his teeth. So you're right. You got to tread carefully. Yeah. But. It has to stop. You know, I would think that the conversation needs to be how perfect the human waste system is. Yeah.

And how it's set up to contain the germs within yourself, emit them, and for there to be no remnants. If and only if you don't touch it. Yes, and it gets flushed away. And also... Or maybe make him obsessed with the pipes and the flushing, because little lads will love all that. He can't go toilet by himself anymore. You're going to have to accompany him.

He can't be doing that. Yeah. Like, how is he getting the opportunity to toilet by himself anymore you're gonna have to accompany him he can't be doing that yeah like how is he getting the opportunity to do that in the first place he must be very quick very snaky very tough though yeah because it's clearly a habit hilarious too write it down in a book remember this because this is something you don't want to forget this hilarious part of his childhood i doubt they're seeing the funny side not yet but they will in time but i'm so sorry to say that he has to be told absolutely no way that is really germy you will get sick i might get sick daddy might get sick it has to go in the toilet. It has to be flushed away. And then they're just going to have to be on it. See, I think somebody probably laughed once. Hmm.

Like, because I think that most kids and most humans have a natural revulsion. Not children. Again, back to the nursery Montessori classroom. They will call their friends to look at what they've done in the toilet. Well, we've all done that. I have seen that so many times i've seen kids crawl under cubicles to have a look oh my god yeah oh my god this season of honey or an earache is our third season no this is we're still season two but there was a season before that that only went out to the patreon subscribers i think the first episode was around this subject if you want to hear those head

over to patreon.com forward slash irishman abroad and for the price of a fiver each month you can get the extended cut of our episodes access to our archive and tons and tons and tons of fringe benefits that members get. But I can remember that and thinking, oh, my God, are we going to talk about poo for this whole series? Because it seems to be flooding the email at the time. Well, it's such a sensitive topic. They really have to tread carefully here because he's toilet trained. Weigh them. That that's amazing but this poo situation is not good there are really good books like everybody poos who's in the loo the wolfman book you know about needing to go toilet there's all these kind of books that just normalize it a little bit but uh

what he's doing is not normal and it's actually really dangerous for him as a hygiene thing so if you're trying to explain to a kid how dangerous something is, like this. Give me the basic. I'm the kid, right? Yeah. Let me be. I love a role play. I hate role plays.

Tina hates role play. Hates it. All role plays. All role play of all kinds because she gets way too deep into it. I do. Right. I'm the kid. Okay.

I put a surprise in the kitchen okay let's go see i wasn't gonna go that far that we were gonna act out going into the kitchen what's wrong with my surprise okay this is a poo poo goes in the toilet let's put that in the toilet now we have to wash your hands because poo is very dirty we cannot touch poo that's why we sit in the toilet let's put that in the toilet now we have to wash our hands because poo is very dirty we cannot touch poo that's why we sit in the toilet poo goes in the toilet and it's our job to flush we never ever touch the poo why because the poo is the waste the rubbish that's come out of our body and there is there are germs on the poo that might make us sick and that is why we

wash our hands let's go to the sink and wash our hands now because there is poo on it and we never touch poo. That simple? Yeah, you just have to be like, we never, ever, ever touch poo. So you don't need to go to town with, and if you don't wash your hands properly, the germs remain under your nails. No, no, no, no, not at two. You have to be so careful. Just very clear. So really keep it simple.

We don't touch poo. Straight down the line. Poo goes in the toilet. That's not a two. You have to be so careful. Just very clear. So really keep it simple. We don't touch poo. Straight down the line. Poo goes in the toilet. That's not a thing we do. And that's that. And try not to laugh. Try not to laugh. Ger and Tina, I'm trying so hard to be the chill mum.

Trying so hard not to panic and to just go with the flow. But I'm beginning to panic about this summer. My husband seems to think he's just a part of the summer festival, whereas I feel like it's left up to me. I can't imagine or sorry, I can't manage him and the kids please help me what should i say to get him on side without becoming the ogre i don't feel like i should be the promoter and organizer of the festival i want to be at the festival too please please help what do you say that to him there's loads of people in that scenario right sure she's looking at me going yeah there is jar actually in our house it's the other way around you tend to take care of all the summer admin really the activities and the holidays and stuff do i i feel like you do if you're not doing it nobody's saying i feel like

this is an easy one she needs to make it a family project they need to get a big wall chart together and they all have to sit down and they all have to take a part of the summer and plan it and all feel involved. And it's not just on her then. She's given ownership away to everyone else. Yeah, that's a very good way of looking at it because it isn't top down.

The summer is the community. Yeah, absolutely. It'll only work if everyone feels like there's a fairness and that we're all being thought about here. Obviously, as the grown-ups, you're juggling work and real-life stuff, so that has to be acknowledged and respected by your children. It should be pointed out that this is one of a bunch of emails

you've had from people going, what the fuck are we meant to do? I'm feeling the same sense of panic myself. Why? Let's talk it through. What panic are you feeling? Well for the last 13 years the most Mikey's ever had off school is seven weeks. In England it was four and a half. Which was absurd. But now. I'm taking off my coat here. I'm getting really involved. Yeah so we had like five weeks but now we've got 12 and when we used to come home in those four and a half weeks, the summer flew by. It was really busy because we were always trying to fit in our Irish trip.

You always had gigs. And now it's like 12 weeks, that's a quarter of the year. Hard to believe, but also brilliant. I think that it's a wall planner, isn't it? This is what we said last time. We have to. Let's get that wall planner out. Go and actually buy a whiteboard, maybe mark it up.

Yeah, the vastness of that is too much for anyone to be a comfortable with. Yeah, and also the heartbreak of having to go back to school then. Yes. I think we talked about that last week, that they need to see there is an end. I was gutted. Yeah. Some stores had put up the back to school they're probably already in now oh my god i used to just i used to feel like setting the place on

fire like dad is probably there's probably a reason why he thinks it's it's his holiday too if it he's probably we don't know what the job the working situation is but he probably gets very little time off and that now this is his final chance to be with the family just not in defense of him but like he'll feel much better about enjoying the holiday if he isn't feeling from you genuine resentment anytime he's actually enjoying himself yeah but like we're assuming mom isn't equally working and that this just isn't her only time like it's very few family assumption there but i'm just saying like why would a person think it's not my job to they're in the habit of doing that they would think that they'd be like well she always takes care of it she'll do that

again but also he probably thinks that he's doing her a favor by being out in the garden with them all the time the real hard part because sometimes you get them involved in the planning and you regret it straight away oh sometimes one does does one times yes um and when particularly are you thinking about you know just sometimes you'll be like let's all throw out some ideas and then before you know it you got some mad shit up on that wall banner and you've committed to it yeah yeah look this is the thing though that there's a rough and a smooth to this if you're gonna let everybody be involved yeah your kid has to get one idea up there absolutely and you need to come to it with kind of an idea a formed idea in your own head of like you know how the weeks break down different

things for different nights like a rough but you were the queen of this team like you're down playing and the reason why i was so happy to see this question on the list was because tina would go today is going to be a clay day yeah and you go down to wherever mr price whatever and you get some cheap ass clay you're talking two euros i think that was you who used to come up with those brilliant ideas you're giving me that but it was you take it and the day is spent prepping the area to do it yeah um taking a break um little projects doing it figuring your your plans drawing up a plan for what it is you were to make with your clay yeah actually doing it allowing it to dry watching a movie while you're waiting yeah painting it varnishing it and finishing it and presenting it at dinner yeah like making your days a little bit

of a project because what you really need is for them to have an activity but it isn't adult based yeah that you don't have to watch over yeah they can explore but you know they're active they're doing something but they're also safe and should you then have kind of longer term ones as well the ones that aren't just specifically a day that let's say you're growing a herb garden or something like that that they're keeping an eye on through the summer things like that are wonderful ideas it's just you know who's got the time if you can manage to fit that in that is is incredible. If you can't, don't feel bad about it. Yeah.

Programming a game of some sort, creating an app of their own. Yeah, well, these are all things these kids seem to know how to do anyway. I am lost at the stuff these kids can do. I'm lost at the stuff these kids can do. I feel so old when I see them use... Well, that's definitely a very old sentence. I just don't know what these kids are doing. I'm completely lost. What are you lost by everything you got me an ipad and i'm barely using it is sitting in her bag she's like i don't know how to log in that's what keychain is just it looks at your face and

knows your passwords yeah that's where I get lost. I mean, there is probably the screen time is going to be the biggest source of stress for most parents. What do you say to that? There has to be a timetable. Yeah. There has to be structure. Because, darling, you lose your kids. They actually aren't the same kids.

I'm getting stressed out thinking about it. Like, it is negligent if you let your kid play games all day long. But I just think we're in the Wild West, you know. I just think these game manufacturers are so negligent that, like, you know, we've reached a... It's the same with the vapes. I just feel like we look back on this time and go,

remember there was, whatever, 28 milligrams of nicotine in each of those vapes and everybody was addicted to them within a moment of sucking on one of them well they're only banning them from schools like i'm sorry when did it become acceptable to have a vape at school absolutely the same with the games that you're putting your kid on there is no laws governing this and the amount of time that they're demanding of them the the addictive capacities that are built into the games you gotta first thing i would say is really look at what

game they are playing yeah very closely and if they're playing online do not allow them yeah fortnight will change your child's personality. Yeah, it really will, actually. I really think that that game is responsible for an awful lot of negative stuff. Like, when we go, we used to say that you were a different kid out of the house when you were out with your kids and your friends and you were playing. Have a listen to how these kids are playing online. How they talk to each other. It's horrific.

When you go put them out there into the you know the back shed or wherever it is that he plays or she plays what's happened the dialogue i mean it's so anonymous screaming into a microphone this kid that used to live next door to us in saint alvins probably mentioned on the show back then yeah late into the night like up to 11 o'clock at night very well to do family living next door had the office at the back the mom was the social worker in the school yeah this kid was bellowing vile hate down his microphone at other kids playing fortnite yeah and like what would that even do to you just like just your own psyche like if i let a curse out once in the car i'm frazzled for the rest of the drive well they're so stressed out there oh i did it it's just overstimulus yeah

it is so then how do you come back down like that's why i'm saying when you're looking at the game they're playing how are they going to return to earth after it you made a great point years ago years ago years ago okay you made a note of it where you said like he just created his own world and now we're expecting him to do what he's told. Yeah. He's a god in this game. And even just bringing that humour in to talking to your child

about the gaming and stuff is really important because they do come off the game thinking I was the emperor and then or I was assassinating

everyone. Yeah. This was happening instantly. The deferred gratification would go back around to it again. But the vaping thing scares me because what's happened now in our schools is everyone's way older leaving like there's some people 20 in mikey school because some kids are starting school

later doing transition year yeah and like so they're adults so the school can't actually tell them to do that much they have to just hope that they fall into line yeah so yeah yeah i mean like that that's a whole nother bag of snakes isn't it it's terrifying the original email here is about how do you get everybody on the same page i think probably you've got to get a a get together to start the summer and you need to do a bit of prep work we've probably got a couple of weeks here and you need to do a bit of prep work. We've probably got a couple of weeks here. And you have to make it seem exciting so that everyone wants to be involved and part of it, even if you're dreading the whole thing.

And I guess, look, the support network is everything as well. Yeah. And if you don't have one, that's so tough. Try and try and find someone to lighten the load a little bit. You're going to need some time off yourself. Oh, you just mean a little me time during your time. Yeah, even if it's just one day. Sunday is Mom's Day.

Yeah, and Saturday is Dad's Day. As long as it's fair. Yeah, Father's Day coming up, though. I know. So annoying. We'll talk a little bit about that over the patreon section of the podcast honey you're ruining our kid at gmail.com is the email address we want to hear from you as i said i'll be in the olympia this week thursday and friday night couple of tickets left there come on over to patreon we're gonna hear how to teach your kids how to be chill when it comes to phones and messaging

and how do you get your kids to be social when online gaming uh and especially this summer when they have that big break from actually seeing people every day how do you convince them to keep in touch and want to meet up yeah well tina's got some great advice on that. It's all over on patreon.com forward slash Irishmanabroad. Tina, thank you so, so much. Thank you, Jarlet.