How to Be a Better Human - How can art hold space for your pain? (w/ Jessie Reyez)

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

Jessie Reyez isn't afraid to make you cry when you listen to her music. The R&B artist, who was born in Toronto to Colombian immigrants, has amassed more than a billion streams globally, performed at Coachella, and been nominated for a Grammy. In this episode, Jessie opens up about her songwriting process and the journey of turning heartbreak into music. Then Jessie shares tips on how we can all create space for our emotions through art, and discusses why staying present is essential to creativity. For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to How to Be a Better Human. I'm your host, Chris Duffy. There's nothing that captures an emotion or sets a mood quite like music. I mean, there's a reason why you never hear about people sitting in their car making out to a podcast. And by the way, if you are currently making out to this podcast, you, please stop. When it comes to capturing emotions, one of the most powerful musical genres is the breakup song. When it comes to capturing emotions, one of the most powerful musical genres is the breakup song. When you are aching and feeling lonely and hurt and sad, sometimes the only thing that soothes that pain is a good breakup song.

It's like the only person who knows exactly what you're feeling is the person singing about going through that exact same thing themselves. And today's guest, Jessie Reyes, knows all about that. She is a Grammy-nominated musician with more than a billion streams globally. She's performed at Coachella, made a cameo on Beyonce's Black is King visual album, and won four Juno Awards. And here is what Jessie had to say in her TED Talk about how she's used pain and heartbreak as fuel in some of her biggest creative breakthroughs. In March of 2016, I was just getting started as a songwriter. I was knee-deep in demos and potential, but I had nothing to show for it, a.k.a. broke.

And to top it off, I was incredibly heartbroken over someone who had betrayed me. One night I went into the studio and I emotionally vomited into the microphone. Kind of like what I did here. The song I made that night ended up changing the course of my life forever. I made figures. It went viral. I got signed. I went on tour. I made some bread. I officially retired my parents. I made an album. Made another album. Got called by TED Talk and now I'm here with you lovely people. Sounds great but I'm not saying my life is perfect and I obviously still deal with my fair share of problems however after that

experience I naturally came to subscribe to the school of thought that even when we can't see it in the moment it seems as though the greater good is always working in our favor. We will be right back in just a moment with more from Jesse, but first we're going to have a few podcast ads working in our favor too. Don't go anywhere. The Best Advice I Ever Got The song is on repeat. I still see you in my sleep. How come I still see you when I dream? I've been running from the truth, but it don't matter what I do. It never matters. What you just heard was a clip from Jesse Reyes' Still See You. Jesse is here with us today to talk about pain, heartbreak, and how creativity and art can help you heal while transforming those feelings into something new. Hello, I am Jessie Reyes and I am an artist. What's your process when you're making music? Do you start with the lyrics? Do you start with the sounds? How do you go about it?

Usually both come to me simultaneously, which I know isn't the, I've come to learn isn't the norm. The more I do sessions with people, it's more so with so with like for example if I'm with my guitar the chords will evoke a certain emotion and then the story will start you know and it might be something that I saw that day it might be something that I went through last year it just it varies it's just the only constant I think is life so life will always show itself in my songs but in terms of how I get there can vary, whether it's the chorus, whether it's if I'm listening to a producer's ideas in his Dropbox, every now and then it'll be lyric first, and very rarely will it ever be melody first, but I do all over.

What is the difference when you're writing a song for someone else versus one for yourself? What is the difference when you're writing a song for someone else versus one for yourself? The ones that people know that I've gotten placed with other people have usually just been me creating for myself. And then after the fact, realizing that the sweater I knit didn't fit as perfect as I wish it could, but it's still a beautiful sweater so it can live somewhere else but if I'm invited as a writer into a session then the approach is different because first I understand that like my role when I walk into the room I'm no longer driving I'm no longer the captain I'm no you know so I have to honor that and then I also honor and make sure that whatever it is we're making has chunks of truth of the artist. So if like of the primary singer, so if we're there and we haven't naturally come up on a topic, I'll usually ask them, when's the last time you cried? Because I

feel like it serves as social acceleration. Well, now I got to ask you, what's the last time you cried? The last time I cried three, four, three, three days ago. Last time I cried about three days. Well, I cried like not like an emotional cry, just like watching a TV show a few days ago. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, really. And it's also like so lame that I was just. It's not lame.

It was just the Ted Lasso finale. I'm like, wow, that's the most basic cry you can have. Sometimes those pieces of work can be emotive. Yeah. I also, the most like recent actually emotional cry I had was my mom had a health scare. And then when I got the news that she was okay, just like instantly burst into tears. Gratitude tears are like, are the best kind of tears. Gratitude tears are the best kind of tears.

I do gratitude a lot, actually. Gratitude tears, sadness tears, heartbreak tears, anger tears, laughter tears. My eyes are faucets for many different titles. Like it just, it'll happen. But you also are, you know, you're really obviously a deep thinker. I've listened to a bunch of your interviews and like you're talking about Eckhart Tolle, you're talking about like therapy, you're talking about your personal lived experience, but also the things that you're reading and learning in meditation. So I'd love to get into that a little bit. Like, I know that The Power of Now is a book that means a lot to you. Yes. Tell me about that. I wish I could have, like, I definitely, I have yet to master everything that I've learned in that book. I can't wait till I get closer. But it gave me a gift, like it gave me a life hack. Anyone who's read it and finished it has come back with the same feeling as me, which is like, oh my God, I wish I read it earlier.

It's helped so much. All in all, it's just, it teaches you about being present. It helped increase my quality of life a lot. What has it changed in your day to day? How I connect with people, how I hold space for myself, how I hold space for my experience, how I hold space for my pain, for my happiness. When I say hold space, even how I detach from it sometimes because sometimes the highs and lows come from gripping too much and thinking that you are what you feel, but you're not. The book details it in a way that's much more eloquent than what I'm doing right now. No, I think it's very eloquent.

Thank you. But yeah, it teaches you about presence and it teaches you to not identify with what it is that you're feeling. And so it makes the burdens lighter because you realize like even your behaviors aren't you. You might have some shitty behaviors, but it's not you. And when you give yourself a little bit of grace, you give yourself space to grow above it. You said that in a lot of your shows when you're playing, you'll have a moment where you kind of talk to the audience. Well, first I ask since we're all friends now because at that point in the show, it's usually been an hour. since we're all friends now, because at that point in the show, it's usually been an hour.

And I ask if everyone's comfortable enough to put their hand up if they're going through something at work. And then if they're going through something with their friends, and if they're going through something with their partner, and if they're going through something with their self, and if they're going through something like, and it's just so interesting to see hands keep going up and up and up. I've never played a show where it wasn't more than 50% of the hands going up. And I feel like there's, first there's comfort in knowing that like, you're not the only one suffering. And it's, someone could be like, yeah, but you shouldn't be like, oh, well, things could be worse because this person's going through that. And so that's making me feel better. I know some people don't subscribe to that school of thought thinking that's healthy.

But when you know that you're not so special that you're the only one that something rough is happening to, it kind of becomes a little bit easier to be like, okay, well, I'm not targeted. And this is just what happens in life. I ask for the hands and then I say, well, look around you, like I hope you find comfort that we're all going through something

and it can't be an accident that we're all suffering. But I think that one of the, like my guiding lights outside of the tunnel, and not to say that like I've come to my solution, but the way you find light in the tunnel in the dark moments, I feel is having your own back and like taking a deep breath

and realizing that you just, everything has to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. It might not stay okay, but it can't rain forever, you know? And then everyone breathes. And then I might do some affirmations. And then I do my last song.

So how do you take that feeling? How do you turn that then into music? Because that has been such a source of creative fuel for you, it seems like. It's a stepping stone. It's like a lily pad, that pain. Because Figures, I didn't know that was going to turn into my biggest song. I didn't know that Figures was going to turn into the song that would ultimately like come to change my life. And it's just wild. And yeah, you just never know what kind of pain is going to make you grow to the point that it's going to accelerate your next chapter.

How do I do it? I don't know how I do it. It just happens. It's one of those beautiful things of life like that. Like, I don't know, I'm just sad about something. I'll go into the studio, that. Like, I don't know. I'm just sad about something. I'll go into the studio, some chords play and I feel, and then I open my mouth and I close my eyes. And then all of a sudden something that wasn't there is there now. If someone's listening and they're struggling and they're trying to figure out how can I transform this into art? What advice would you give them? Like what are the first steps? Try everything, try everything. But this is in life in general like just find what you love and then drown in it sometimes people are scared to try because this society tells you that unless something is like unless there's an exchange unless something's giving you you know something

back then you shouldn't really focus on it and you should go with your plan b that's more secure which i get it like money is we live in a capitalistic society. You can't fucking ignore that. But if you're watching TV for an hour a day, you can give yourself an hour a day to explore whatever it is that your heart, your soul, your brain might be leaning towards. And I say yet, I don't say yet in a way that like, oh, well, one day you'll be able to exploit it and one day you'll be able to make money off it.

But I say yet because you might be lucky enough that you end up at some intersection in life where you can capitalize off it and then simultaneously be happy with what you're doing because you found your vocation or you're sitting in your vocation. But try everything and don't be scared about people judging you because the people that are judging you are just in the stands and they're too scared to try because of everything that I just listed. But paint. If it doesn't work or you don't like what you painted, go to the gym. And if it's not for you, then try singing. And if it's not for you, then try writing. And if it's not for you, try building houses. And if it's not for you, try volunteering. Like there's so many great different things that you could just try and it could turn into an outlet

and it doesn't have to be necessarily creative. It could just be something that's like connection based or community focused, but try. That's the only way you're going to know is if you try. Obviously, you've had huge success with music and with making your art in this type of way, but now that is also your job. Is there something that you do that's like your artistic, creative release that is not at all trying to like be a career and just something that you're like, I'm bad at this, but that's like a free release for me? Well, I'm not bad at it, but I love yoga. Okay. But I would never, I've just been approached so many times with people being like, I'm bad at this, but that's like a free release for me. Well, I'm not bad at it, but I love yoga. Okay. But I would never, I've just been approached so many times with people being like,

we should get certified. And I'm like, for what, bro? I don't want to teach nobody. I just want to go in and do my own thing. I just love it. Camping. I love camping. I love being in nature. I love horses.

I love volunteering at farms and just helping with animals. I love, and you could argue that I don't get money back from it but what I get back from it is priceless like it's on the peace I get back from everything that I just listed the happiness I get back from everything I just listed I can't even like begin to describe the way that it shifts my sadness over or any sadness that I might be dealing with like to the the side, you know, it makes me hella present, which I love to surfing. Fucking love. Don't get nothing for if anything, I get bruises, but I love it. I love it so much. And those are all things that I explored. Like, and honestly, I like to throw myself into things that scare me because it just

makes me feel more powerful and makes me feel like I'm getting stronger. And so doing those things despite the fear and despite there not being some monetary exchange is like key because it's just happy. So for you, how do you still keep that? How do you maintain that? Like, I'm going to do the thing that scares me. Because once you have some success, it's kind of, there's a lot of forces trying to push you to just do the same thing that, the same thing you've done before, the safer thing, right? To like stay in your lane. And you seem to really not do that. You're like, I want to keep growing and challenging myself and doing this scary thing. because I'm more scared of keeping myself up at night with my own fears than I am with other people's thoughts. And honestly, I owe a lot to my parents too because it's not something that I had to make a massive effort to cultivate in myself

because I was exposed to it young because I wanted to cut up curtains and make a dress, and if I wanted to go to school dressed that way, my mom would let me. I'm not saying they weren't like hippies and let me do everything but in terms of like creativity if I wanted to shave my head and dye my shit pink I'd be allowed if I wanted to go to school and wear my brother's clothes all week I'd be allowed it wasn't a question of what will they say and everyone goes through bullying but I wasn't consoled by someone or by people or by family saying, well, maybe if you wore this or maybe if we bought you the cool thing or maybe if like, you know, in a way of trying to conform, I was more so consoled in be yourself, you know, despite whatever they say. And I know a lot of people don't have that.

I know a lot of people have parents that are very highly critical and want them to like, you know, my mom dealt with a lot,. Cause I know, especially Latina moms, like people would criticize her and be like, that's what you're letting your daughter wear. That's what you're letting your daughter do. It was beautiful because the judgment she got could have projected them on me and she didn't. And I think that's something that I've been able to like hold onto and it's blossomed more in my adulthood now. Why do you think your parents were so open to that and so supportive of you challenging the norms? I don't know. Maybe some of it is because they're immigrants and so we were already against it. We were already outsiders anyway, you know? So maybe it was just an extension of that. But yeah, there was kids in my school that had Adidas, and I was like, God damn.

And I would get made fun of for the four-stripe shoe from Walmart. And it was just normal. And when I'd come home and be like, they're making fun of me, my dad would be like, the four-stripe shoe does exactly what the three-stripe shoe does. You'll be fine. So that kind of sticks with you, too. But I think that played a role, the fact that we were already outsiders. I've heard you talk about how one of the markers of success for you is that you were able to retire your parents. Tell me about that feeling. And also then more broadly, what does success look like for you? It was funny

because I was practicing my TED talk in front of my nephew. And when I said that part, he was like, I thought grandma and grandpa were already retired when you started doing it. And I was like, listen, and I had to explain that because they kept cleaning houses like my dad stopped his job at the company he was at but they would still clean houses and they would

still hustle all over Toronto and then at one point I was going out to and I was like I need y'all to stop please like it's I just need y'all to stop

I need y'all to chill I need y'all to so then that's why I say officially to make sure it's clear because my nephew put his little hand up and was like

actually Tia success looks like my family never worrying success looks like my family never worrying. Success looks like joy. Success looks like paying it forward. Success looks like contributing to my community. Success looks like never going backwards. Success looks like being happy in my body.

Or I don't know why I'm happy so fleeting, but at peace in my body, comfortable in my body, comfortable with what I'm doing, but simultaneously challenging the comfort zone because I want growth. So almost success is finding balance and intersection between outside accolades and internal peace. Yeah, and where do you think you are in the process of finding that? Sometimes, some days I feel close and some days I feel far,

but that's human, you know? It's just waves. So I think I'm getting closer. I hope I'm getting closer. I feel like I'm like the fucking stock market, you know? If you're looking at it close, it looks so fucking turbulent. But if you step back and I'm like,

well, actually, at least it's an upward trend. You know, you know what I'm saying? That's what I feel like. And I feel like you've got to count wins and you've got to count progress, even when it doesn't look like it in the micro, in the macro. It's definitely been progress. I've never heard anyone else compare their internal emotional life to the Dow Jones, but I love it. We will be right back in just a moment with more from Jesse.

But first, we've got a few podcast ads. Don't go anywhere. I gave you right to die and you gave me games Love figures I'm the one crying cause you just won't change Love figures I gave it all and you gave me shit Love figures

I wish I could do exactly what you did You gave me shit, love, figures. I wish I could do exactly what you did. Wish I could hurt you back. What you just heard was a clip from Jessie Reyes' Figures. Jessie is here with us today to talk about pain, heartbreak, and how creativity and art can help you to heal while transforming those feelings into something new. You've written a lot of love songs. You've written a lot of songs about pain and heartbreak. Has writing those songs changed or how has writing those songs changed the way that you think about love in your life now?

I don't know how people feel, but I'd never feel better after I fucking leave. Like the only thing that I'm like, OK, cool, is like something came of it. But that's like it's a logistical perspective to be like, OK, cool. I was crying. Now something's here, but I'm like, okay, cool. It's like something came of it. But that's like, it's a logistical perspective to be like, okay, cool. I was crying. Now something's here. But I'm still crying. It's not like I feel better. I feel better logistically. It's not something.

You know what's nice is like on stage. That feels cathartic. But it feels cathartic not so much because something released and then I can step back and look. It feels cathartic because in the moment on stage, I'm forced to be as present as possible. So that presence is what makes me feel better as opposed to like the release of the song. learn, which I think is maybe more like culturally like coded to men to like do is to not be able to like just hear pain, but to have to be like, Oh, here's a solution. Here's how I can fix it. And like the thing that I've learned a lot is that if you want to actually make someone feel better, like coming up with a bunch of solutions almost always makes them feel worse unless they're

asking for it. But if you just say like, yeah, I hear you being heard can really help someone. And I feel like that's one of the beautiful things about music, right? Is like people who don't know you or will never meet you in person can feel heard and held and seen by your music. That's sweet. That's a way of giving that out. So even though it doesn't make you feel better with the pain, at least there's a purpose to it maybe see so gratitude tears like this is empathy tears because yeah it makes it um mean more that it served a better purpose than just like emotional vomit like it served for holding space for someone makes me emotional i've heard you say in some interviews about how like when you're going through hard times one of the hard things about sharing that is that people don't want to hear that someone who's rich and successful has problems.

There's so much truth to that. But it also seems like that's like a hard prison to be in, to be like, I have to live out the success and not have like a hard time too. I mean, you're a human. How do you balance the desire to, you know, not complain and to be grateful with also the like real suffering that you sometimes have to go through. I don't talk about it. I sing about it. And I don't know if it's the healthiest thing to do, but that's how I, that's how I deal. But like, God forbid, I'm in a fucking emotional place with someone because it's like getting fucking a pound of molasses through the thinnest straw but if you give me a pen or if you give me a microphone all of a sudden the flood gates have opened it hasn't proven to be the most healthy though in relationships so i'm learning to be more communicative as a civilian and not as an artist There's a saying that people say in comedy a lot.

That's like a kind of a mantra or like a foundational principle of comedy is that comedy is tragedy plus time. Yeah. It's interesting because it seems like, you know, breakup songs are like tragedy minus time. It's like, let's get right into it. Right. If it's too much time, then it doesn't feel acute anymore. But that's also raw. That's very raw and painful sometimes, too. Someone said that to me to me they're like are you scared that if you heal you won't

write any more like great songs because so many of my songs are sad and i was like if that was the case like i've been trying to drop my demons for years i've been trying to clean out my skeleton like the skeletons from my closet for years and i've come to realize that it's just there's no fucking finish line but a coffin you know but the dirt there's no finish line 60 year olds are making mistakes seven year olds are making mistakes there's no finish line it's just so funny I remember being asked that question and some people being concerned about I'm like if I could be healthy full stop if I could be like if I could just find that if i could i would and these people are like some people have asked me be like yeah are you scared my heart i'd the way i'd run to

the fucking make it easy button and be like fuck the songs i've done them i've done it i've done it i've done the albums i don't need to write any more sad songs fuck it i just want like peace i would click the button immediately. It's crazy to me that people even think about that as being like me being concerned like you purposely sabotage. Someone asked me, do you think you ever purposely sabotage relationships? I said, what? You think I would put myself through that on purpose? These nuts.

Never, never, ever. I wish. So no, it doesn't. I could still write about a heartbreak that I went through when I was 16 if I sit there and think about it long enough. And I don't know if that's a skill or a curse, but it happens. Like there's still little bottles of memories that I might open it up and it might evaporate a little bit. But the liquid's still there. The potency's still there.

I'm glad to hear you say that because I think that one of the dangerous myths that people sometimes believe for artists, right, is that you can't be healthy or sober or stable and still make good art. Right? Like, people think that art comes from suffering, but it feels like they're kind of missing a big piece of life, which is that, like, you can be healthy and stable and sober and you'll still experience suffering. And you still experience suffering. That's part of life. Part of life. But you can transform it into something else. Absolutely. Because it's the part of the reason I like to write is like, because it feels like I could just let it out and not get interrupted, you know, and it's a very honest reflection. Sometimes a sheet of paper can hold more truth than a mirror because you're just able to like fully exhale. But with a person, you can't. With a person, there's pauses and moments and back and forth and holding space for both.

And it's beautiful. It's a dance. It's a relationship. Not the best at that. So I'm taking steps and strides and like learning to be better at that. And not just in like a romantic, like I'm talking about platonic. I'm talking about friendships. I'm just holding space in relationships whenever emotions come up and not running.

If someone is trying to do this, right, like whether it's writing a song or making music or anything creative, they're trying to get that vulnerable, like that flow where it's just coming out of them and they're not self-conscious and they're not thinking about it like you described do you have any recommendations or tips or tricks for like how they can get into that space where they're not judging themselves or thinking about it and they're just putting it out they're just getting the raw material out to make the art don't do it in front of strangers try to do it by yourself first to the point that you feel comfortable you know and then if you're in a world that requires collaboration, because sometimes I guess it's irrelevant if you're in a world that, like, if you want to be a writer

and you're looking to be more vulnerable, then I think the only practice is to, like, write. And don't stop writing and don't be scared of the shitty pieces because you have to make shitty pieces in order to get to the good ones, unless you're, even Galileo, I'm sure, had, like, you know, pieces that he wasn't the proudest of. So you just have to, you have to get through the mud to get to the good ones unless you're even Galileo I'm sure had like you know pieces that he wasn't the proudest of so you just have to you have to get through the mud to get to the fowler so do that don't be scared of the shitty pieces because you know you're just one

step closer to the good one that's a really fun idea too is thinking of like Galileo's demos like this theory isn't really fully fleshed out yet I'm just tossing this out there but it gets him closer to the actual discoveries. Yeah. So that, and then the idea of not doing it with strangers is because the second you feel guarded,

you're fucked. I've been in sessions like that. Like when, as soon as someone's energy in the room feels just a little judgmental, I'm like, it's not going to work here.

And you just need space to be yourself. And if you feel judged at all, it's not going to work. And that includes judged on your own, like by yourself, but also by someone else.

Like, God forbid that happens. Just leave the room and do it by yourself and exit or just, you know, I don't know. Something that gives you safety to just exhale and not be concerned about someone else's opinion. I can't wait to dive into that Rick Rubin book properly because he talks about how as creatives, Rick Rubin book properly because he talks about how as creatives, we have like, you know, this natural energy that just like, you know, will pop out this natural faucet that makes. And sometimes when we make, because the faucet is fluid and something came without effort,

we think it's inherently devoid of value because it wasn't worked for and it wasn't there wasn't any sweat and blood and tears but that's not always the case and it's fucked because you can't even apply that to love if someone's walking into a relationship and they're traumatized and the love is easy and the love is peaceful, and the love is peaceful, you're going to second guess, and you're going to stutter and be concerned, because it's peaceful, and it shouldn't feel this easy, because you've been used to passion and resistance, and so because there isn't any blood, sweat, and tears, maybe there's part of you that's not going to value it accurately, and then it just, it applies to both love and art and life and sometimes you need to just

understand that you've been blessed and just because something didn't hurt you or pull blood from you doesn't mean that it's not it wasn't made that it's not great so I've had to learn that it's a dance like I said because sometimes it's still gonna be shit so you have to learn how to critique yourself objectively and I think one of the tools in doing that is using time to your benefit. Because sometimes the day of the song will sound great, but give it a bit. And sometimes the day of the song is going to sound like shit, and then weeks later all of a sudden you're at the grocery store humming this tune that you thought was lame, but it's sticky and you didn't know it was sticky.

So I think it's that. Sometimes six months later you miss somebody that you didn't think you'd ever miss. So it's sticky and you didn't know it was sticky, you know? So I think it's just, it's that. Sometimes six months later, you miss somebody that you didn't think you'd ever miss. So it's that. It's time. Maybe just give yourself time. Isn't that such a shitty answer? I hate when someone's like, how does this get better?

Just give yourself some time. Sick. Yeah. Love that. Well, I think this is the thing is like, often the times the like truth is not actually what we want to hear. Right.

Like we want to hear that. Like there is one easy trick that will flip your switch. And all of a sudden you won't feel pain anymore. Where's the easy button? Someone's out there. They're listening. They've been listening to your music. They're in it.

Right. They're feeling it. They're in the midst of the relationship that is broken up. Or they're in that spot you just talked about where it's six months later and they're realizing they really miss a person they didn't think they were going to miss. That's something you've thought about. You've thought about it artistically. You've lived that experience. What advice do you have for someone who is in that kind of moment of heartbreak and longing?

Fail faster. that kind of moment of heartbreak and longing? Fail faster. If it was a union that, you know, I don't know, ended peacefully and you still feel something, say something, you know, you might try to explore it. There might be something there. And if you explore it and shit goes left, then maybe it's life and God telling, you know, you had it right the first time. But wondering is just going to, wondering's the worst. Just fail faster. And then once you've really failed and you've really hit rock bottom, then start like mending your wounds and knowing that you're not trying to move backwards. Once you are there where you can wash your hands of it and know you've done everything, my God, use everything in your arsenal because all you're going to do is prolong the suffering

if you don't like really use the tools. And the tools can be like going to the gym and the tools can be investing in a therapist and the tools can be investing in self the tools. And the tools can be like going to the gym and the tools can be investing in a therapist and the tools can be investing in self-help books. The tools can be journaling. The tools can be nature. The tools can be animals. The tools can be diving into work. The tools can be getting proper sleep.

The tools can be staying hydrated. The tools can be eating properly and holding, like just looking out for yourself. But all of those things, they're just, they're literally, it's your arsenal. And it's the only thing that's going to get you better. Because, yeah, time could work. But if time passes and you've done nothing to help yourself, you might be stuck and find yourself in the same place a year later.

You know? I think that maybe in the public eye, you're, you know, you're known for some of these tough emotions. But you also, you clearly have a really good sense of humor too. You know, you're funny, you enjoy laughter. So I wonder what's the role that, that humor and that laughter plays in your life and in your creative process too. I love getting laughs in the studio with lines. I love playing songs and looking over and then like in the whip and biz starts cracking up or someone will start cracking up with a punchline it should just make me happy I like South Park I think it's had an effect on me as a as a human being in terms of maybe finding certain things

that I probably shouldn't find funny and then finding humor in certain narratives that are in certain songs that maybe would be a little dark if not said with a certain sarcastic-ass timbre, maybe. I don't know. Well, Jessie, it's been such a pleasure talking to you. And, you know, your music, your art, your life, you've brought so many people a sense of being seen and healing. And I hope that you find that same thing for yourself, too. Thank you. Me, too. I hope I find it, too. Thank you. thing for yourself too. Thank you. Me too. I hope I find it too. Thank you.

That is it for today's episode of How to Be a Better Human. Thank you so much to today's guest, Jessie Reyes. Her latest album is called Yesi and it is so, so, so good. I am your host, Chris Duffy, and you can find out more about me and sign up for my weekly newsletter at chrisduffycomedy.com. How to Be a Better Human is brought to you on the TED side by Daniela Balarezo, Alejandra Salazar, Whitney Pennington-Rogers, and Ban Ban Chang, who are not here to make friends. Every episode of our show is professionally fact-checked. This episode was fact-checked by Julia Dickerson

and Mateus Salas, who made sure that nothing in this episode was a fraud. On the PRX side, our show is put together by a team that never just say figures and instead they give me promises that last forever. Morgan Flannery, Nor Gil,

and Jocelyn Gonzalez. And of course, thanks to you for listening to our show and making this all possible. If you are listening on Apple, please leave us a five-star rating and a positive review. And if you're listening on the Spotify app,

answer the discussion question that we've put up there. We would love to hear your thoughts. We will be back next week with even more episodes of How to Be a Better Human. Thanks again for listening.