How To Do Everything - Moo-ey Christmas!

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

From the archives: When cows need help, Ian and Mike create a Christmas miracle, with the help of some adorable reinforcements.You can email your burning questions to [e-mail] To Do Everything is available without sponsor messages for supporters of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me+, who also get bonus episodes of Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! featuring exclusive games, behind-the-scenes content, and more. Sign up and support NPR at plus.npr.org.How To Do Everything is hosted by Mike Danforth and Ian Chillag. It is produced by Heena Srivastava. Technical direction from Lorna White.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Support for this podcast and the following message come from Autograph Collection Hotels, with over 300 independent hotels around the world, each exactly like nothing else. Autograph Collection is part of the Marriott Bonvoy portfolio of hotel brands. Find the unforgettable at autographcollection.com. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah, which also starts today. It's also the anniversary of the foundation of the Kingdom of Hungary. Happy Hanukkah, which also starts today. It's also the anniversary of the foundation of the Kingdom of Hungary. Happy anniversary. The third anniversary of the launch of the James Webb

telescope. Whatever you celebrate, enjoy it. I think of it, Ian, as the 145th anniversary of the death of the Swiss National Council President Fridolin Antwerp. Whatever you celebrate, here's a short episode to keep you company. We came across a study from Swiss researchers that finds cows actually hate the sound of cowbells. So we want to help these cows out. Tom Hugendorn is a dairy farmer. Tom, has this been your experience that cows hate cowbells? You know, they probably don't hate the sound.

They may even just hate the vibration against their neck all the time when they're moving their necks, chewing the grass. It's constantly rubbing as well as making noise. So I would think maybe the vibration or the rubbing might be more of an issue than the actual noise. Well, is there any sound that you think that cows enjoy easy listening music. When we play music to the cows, it's generally country music, easy listening pop, rock, that sort of classic rock is my favorite and that sort of thing, right? So you play music for the cows? Yes.

How do you do that? Well, when we milk them, they come into a milking area, which we call the milking pilers. And there's some background noise, you know, the machines, the vacuum pumps, the humming of the compressors, that sort of thing. And just to add a little bit of comfort, even for the milkers, just some music, to kind of drown out some of the other other background sounds. You know, music sues the savage beast they always say, right? Sure. So wait, so when you guys are doing that, do you ever walk in and feel like, you know what, let's change this. I don't think the cows are going to like this song. You know what, it may be, if it really gets crazy like screeching music, but we wouldn't have those with stations on like, you know, like they would even like punk rock or this

grunge or whatever. I'm a bit older now, so I don't know all the, all the new stuff like the rap, the kids play rap. Sure. And then as long as it's not too loud that I get annoyed, I'm sure the cows most of the time don't mind it. Now if you would put on all of a sudden, let's say it's an easy listening song Let's let's say that and all of a sudden it comes to a really loud

screechy type techno rock or You know some of these DJs that they play just if the just the sentence you know the sound Mm-hmm that that scares them like any sudden change in volume or tone scares them. Are there, as we think about what sounds cows might like, are there outside of music, are there certain sounds that might be nice for a cow to hear? Oh yeah, they like to hear, I think water, the creek, they like to lay by a long creek.

They like to lay under trees, and the wind whistling through the creek, they like to lay by a long creek. They like to lay under trees and the wind whistling through the leaves, that sort of thing. Yeah, even just, you know, when it's raining, it rains hard here this time of the year. And when the rain drops on the tin roof, it's a really, just an easy listening sort of sound that lulls the cows into security. They can just see them just with their eyes or content, they're chewing their cud, they're just, just enjoying life, just

standing around enjoying life. It sounds like cows are kind of new agey. Well, you know, I guess, uh, I guess, you know, cows can adapt, right? Yeah. Uh, we, uh, they love being around people. They're social animals. Like, uh, if you want to go lay down with them and have a little nap, they love being around people. They're social animals. Like if you want to go

lay down with them and have a little nap, they're willing to lay around you or they'll probably try to nudge you to wake you up to play with them. But they're really, they love people. They like being around people. Wait, have you ever taken a nap with the cows? Oh yeah. Really? Like say, you know, late at night, this is especially when I was younger and working much harder. If I was waiting for a cow to have a baby in the middle of the night, I would just, if know, late at night, especially when I was younger and working much harder, if I was waiting for a cow to have a baby in the middle of the night, I would just, if they were laying around, I'd just lay up against them. And you know, just because they move suddenly, they're having a baby and they would just have a little nap, right?

Wow. They would start mooing loudly when they're having a baby. I'd wake up and help them out, right? Oh yeah. Well, Tom, thank you so much. Well, I appreciate the, I appreciate you calling me. I enjoyed it. Well, it sounds it sounds like these cows need help that our job here is to help some cows. So we're gonna take a break. Maybe we'll do an ad or something. Listen to some easy

listening music for any cows out there. And when we come back, we're going to head out to a farm and save the cows. Hi, I'm John Tesch. Hi, I'm John Tesch. Oh, ho, ho, Santa here, coming to you from the North Pole. We're the elves in our podcast division of just completed work on this season's best gift for public radio lovers, NPR+. Give the gift of sponsored free listening and even bonus episodes from your

favorite NPR podcasts, all while supporting public media. Learn more at plus.npr.org. The Indicator is a podcast where daily economic news is about what matters to you. Workers have been feeling the sting of inflation. So as a new administration promises action on the cost of living, taxes, and home prices, the S&P 500 biggest post-election day spike ever, follow all the big changes and what they mean for you. Make America affordable again. Listen to The Indicator,

the daily economics podcast from NPR. Okay, here we are. We are at a dairy farm north of Chicago Chicago You can tell because of these incredible farm sounds You've made your point rooster. All right, I'm Andre Sarmento I'm the farmer here at Wagner farm in Glenview and can you tell us who we're looking at here? We are looking at my herd of cattle. We have Daisy, we have Kayla, we have 85, DH, Lightning, and Buttercup.

How did 85 get its name? 85 is short for Agent 85. Why she was named that I have no idea, but I just call her 85. But her full name on her paperwork is agent 85. Well we want to we have a group of Christmas carolers ready to sing some soothing music to the cows. Okay. Do you think the cows will appreciate that? Sure. Before we sing, do you all want to say your names for us? I'm Axel. I'm Lisa. I'm Elsa. I'm Lars. I'm Henrik.

Whenever you're ready. Deck the cows with boughs of holly, Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. Dawn we now are cow or pearl, Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. Dawn we now are cow or pearl, Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo.

Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo moo moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo.

Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo. Tis the season to be cowy, Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo moo moo moo moo. Tis the season to be cowy. Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. That was beautiful. Silent night, moo-ee night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon ponyuk, heifer and cow. Cows are moo-ee night. Moo moo moo moo. That was beautiful. Silent night, moo-ee night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon ponyuk, heifer and cow.

Cows are moo-ee night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon ponyuk, heifer and cow. Cows are moo-ee night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon ponyuk, heifer and cow. Cows are moo-ee night. All is calm, all is bright.

Round yon ponyuk, heifer and cow. Cows are moo-ee night. All is calm, all is bright. Cows are moo-ee night. All is calm, all is bright. Cows are moo-ee night. All is calm, all is bright. Cows are moo-ee night. Cows are moo-ee night. Young harnyuck, heifer and cow. Cows are mooing, tender and mild. Sleep in moo-loo-ee-peace. Sleep in movie peace.

What was that last line again? Sleep in movie peace. Well, I did see some reaction out of the cows. There were a few of them that picked their heads up and turned their ears towards the music. It seemed that the higher pitched notes were the ones that caught their attention the most. They are eating right now so they are otherwise entertained but it did seem as though they enjoyed the music. What's the cow

equivalent of a standing ovation? I have no idea. They're pretty much standing all the time until they're tired and then they'll lay down. So really the fact that they didn't lay down is kind of, that's kind of a applause. Yep, it's an applause of sorts, yes sir. Deck the cows with boughs of holly. Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo. Well that does it for this week's show.

What we learned today, Mike? Well I learned that despite their name, cows hate cowbells. Yeah, as if the, maybe the first name, they used to be called anti-c cowbells. Yeah, as if the, maybe the first name, they used to be called anti-cowbells. Yeah. It's just shorthand. I like cowbells.

When they're deployed well, they provide a nice accent in a song. That is just one of many differences between you and cows. You are utterly unmilkable. Yep. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I did not mean, I did not mean that pun when I said utterly. And I – Pete Slauson Oh, my gosh. You're right. That is terrible. There's a phrase you, there's a phrase you could use for that, Ian. Pun not intended. You can use

it in a, mean it literally, but that pun. Pete I feel like whenever people say that, they meant it. Pete Yep, I agree. But this is a time when you can use it. You can deploy that phrase knowing what happened was embarrassing and shameful. Pete I desperately need you to know, and anybody listening, that pun was not intended. How to Do Everything is produced by Jillian Donovan with Technical Direction from Lorna White. Our interns this week are Daisy and Agent 85. Mooey job, ladies.

Yes, you guys did mooey be in. Get us your questions at howto at npr.org and visit our website howtodoeverything.org and you know, have a happy holiday. I'm Ian. And I'm Mike. Thanks. Thanks.