How To Fail With Elizabeth Day - Mel Giedroyc - I Lost My Biggest Fan When Mum Died

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

Mel Giedroyc is a comedian, writer and TV presenter who has been entertaining the nation for over 30 years. Hired in 1996 as a writer for French and Saunders (alongside best friend Sue Perkins), Mel’s career took off and she went on to co-present hit Channel 4 series Light Lunch and Late Lunch, and then the Great British Bake Off. Since then, Giedoryc has written a Sunday Times bestselling novel and fronts the podcast, Where There’s A Will There’s A Wake. Now she returns with a new book, The Comeback, a funny, big-hearted novel about second chances set in a community. In this hilarious and moving episode, we talk about how she feels she is always ‘getting away with it’, life post-Bake Off, having children, not making it to her mother’s deathbed due to a big night out, and the recurring nightmare that she has never been able to shake… IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Introduction 02:55 Getting Away With It 05:43 Bake Off 08:43 Life After Bake Off 09:45 The Comeback Novel 10:21 Theatre And Family Roots 17:18 Cambridge Degree Disaster 28:49 Mums Deathbed Regret 30:46 Strokes And Stolen Years 32:05 Boozy Night Missed Call 36:10 Work As Grief Shelter 39:36 Remembering Rosemary 43:50 VHS Shame Spiral 52:00 Goodbyes And Final Thoughts LINKS + MENTIONS: Listen to Mel’s podcast, Where There’s A Will There’s A Wake here: swap.fm/l/ZuaKfvomuCzS7P3cLJzx and watch here: https://www.youtube.com/@WhereTheresAWillTheresAWake The Comeback is available to pre-order now: www.hachette.co.uk/titles/mel-giedroyc/the-comeback/9781472256263/ Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com WANT MORE? Miranda Hart - swap.fm/l/oTScN30b80GflJtO4rgu Celeste Barber - swap.fm/l/qLmwfjyeSolWuFeaHGdt Stephen Merchant - swap.fm/l/Lta5mlFbVnPHyFb8R1n2 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Guest bookings for How To Fail only come from official @sonymusic.com emails Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan and Jen Mistri Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Alex Lawless Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And I've never done this before in my life, and I've only done it once. I phoned my agent. And I said, I want out of this. And their dad said, could they come and stay with us, please, for half term? Mum said, absolutely brilliant. We'd love to have them. And they stayed for seven years. And I was doing that thing where I was half laughing, half crying.

You know that thing when you're just like, like, like, like that. I slightly sharted at Digka Parkway. Can I say that? Hello and welcome to How to Fail with me, Elizabeth Day. this is the podcast that believes all failure has something to teach us in the fullness of time, even if the only thing it teaches us is that we were strong enough to survive it. Before we get into this episode, please do remember to like, rate and subscribe so that you never miss a single conversation. Ever wonder how people actually get rich?

Like, actually? I'm Molly Sims and on my show, Lipsick on the Rim, I sat down with Haley Sachs, aka Mrs. Dow Jones, To talk money, mindset and why getting rich actually starts with how you think about yourself. We get into the money habits nobody wants to talk about the mindset shifts that actually stick and how to stop feeling weird about wanting more. Listen to lipstick on the rim on Spotify and Apple Music or wherever you get your podcast or watch on YouTube. Ah, yes, hello. I'm Simon Mayo. Yes, hello. I'm Mark Kermode.

What is coming up on the take this week, Mark? We have reviews of Eli Roth's Ice Cream Man, Love Me Tender, a French drama, the summer book starring Glenn Close. There's also a reissue of The Hunt for the Wilder People with our special guest, who is the one and only Taika Wattiti. Do not miss the take because it's great. Every single second is marvellous. Mel Gedroich is a comedian, writer and TV presenter

who has been entertaining the nation for over 30 years, almost always intentionally. The youngest of four children, she was raised in Leatherhead, Surrey, where she discovered an early passion for theatre. Later at Cambridge University, She met Sue Perkins through footlights. It was platonic love at first sight. They formed a comedy duo and spent years performing at the Edinburgh Fringe,

as well as touring the country and supporting themselves with odd jobs. Gedroich was variously a barmaid, a telesales agent, and a cleaner. Their big break came in 1996 when French and Saunders hired them as writers. From there, Mel and Sue went on to present the hit Channel 4 series Light London and late lunch, and then in 2009, fronted the Great British Bakeoff, shaping the show with their trademark kindness and humour. They stepped down from Bakeoff in 2016, leaving them free to pursue independent careers. Since then, Gedroich has written a Sunday Times best-selling novel and fronts the podcast, Where There's a Will There's Awake. Now she returns with a new novel,

the comeback, a funny, big-hearted book about second chances set in a community theatre. My whole career, she says, has been random and quite surreal. She got away with it. That's what'll be on my gravestone. Mel Gerdroit, welcome to How to Fail. Hello. Welcome back, I should say, because it's the second time in this chair. It's so nice to be back. It's so lovely to have you back and this time it is all about you.

because the first time was for a roundtable, but now the focus is on Mel. Can you see me because I'm very well camouflaged in the pink? I can just about see you. It's like one of those 90s pixel drawings where I have to focus my eyes carefully and then you pop out because you have very kindly dressed in our brand colours today. So thank you. Always very professional. Now, that idea of having got away with it, you don't really think that, do you? Do you? Yes.

And no. I would say, I mean, Sue and my career together is about our friendship. We were never manufactured and put together by a manager. We were mates at university. So everything that we've done together, the kind of the core of it, the DNA of it, is about us being friends. But when we get together, unless we are marshaled, caralled, sort of basically positioned, we just chat, laugh, go over old anecdotes, do what friends do. I would say we find it hard to be kind of business people because the friendship is always first. Getting away with it, I think implies that

we're not very, you know, we don't have flow charts and pie charts in an office somewhere. We don't have an office. The Mel Su Collective literally meets in one of our houses or a pub or a Curry House. There's nothing very together about it. And I'm not, I don't think I'm being disingenuous when I say that. But do you acknowledge that you're talented? I find that hard. I find that hard because I think if you do, you've sort of lost the plot a bit. And I've met people who I admire some of them, who are very, very sort of sure of themselves and kind of say, I'm really good at this. I'm really confident at this. And sometimes I go away just thinking,

a bit of a plum. Do you know what I mean? Can I say that? Yes, you absolutely can. Because you just sort of, I just sort of think, oh, really? You know. But at the same time, and I've said this word already on the podcast, so forgive me. I don't want to be disingenuous and sort of say, oh, I'm so bad.

Oh, I'm so bad. I'm so terrible. You know, I think I am a confident person and I love what I do. but I think the day that I kind of say I've got this is the day that I'll have to give up. Yes. I do know what you mean. And I think there's something specific about your humour, which is never about punching down. There's a kindness to it that is observational and compassionate that doesn't attract from it being funny.

I hope so. Yeah. Well, I think that's why it was so special when you did bake-off because you brought that into the mainstream. And it felt like we hadn't seen it on that kind of competitive reality. show. We haven't seen that level of kindness. It wasn't sentimental. Okay, good. It was funny as well. Yes, I think if it gets too saccharin, then it stops being funny, doesn't it? There's got to be a kind of a balance. But I've got to tell you this. Day one, series one shooting Bake Off, I think the thought was, because it was a reality show, it would be filmed along the lines of those kind of, right, go, go, go, get that

person, they're crying, right, they're having a breakdown. Get that person. Move the cameras, quick, quick. There was that kind of vibe. And I was, I was really shocked, actually. And I've never done this before in my life. And I've only done it once. I phoned my agent. And I said, I want out of this. This was after day one. Leave Sue in there, but I want out. I think I did let her know. I said, look, I'm going to phone the agent. And she was like, yeah, yeah, no, no, that's fine. That's fine. And I called a meeting in the bed and breakfast where we were. This was the morning of day two of episode one

because it had been like an 18-hour shoot and everyone was in tears and I just thought, I've never worked like this before. So there was a bit of a summit meeting, I have to say, which happened between episodes one and episode two at the BBC where I spoke up and I just said, this is not the kind of show that we want to make. I'm really sorry. We won't get the best out of people.

I don't like this vibe where everyone's crying and then suddenly they're on camera. People do cry on Bake Off, but they cry because it's kind of emotional and they've put stuff into it. We don't want to make them cry because they're so exhausted and they feel put upon. So I think, I hope we made it very clear the kind of show that we want to. wanted to make. And I've never done that before. I've never threatened anything like that in my life. I'm just not that kind of person. But I felt in that instant, I had to say something because it would have been really grim and things changed. Things changed after that day. So I was really, you know, we were, as a collective, we were proud of ourselves that we'd sort of spoken up. Because I think

it would have been a very different show. Definitely. Well done. That is, because honestly, kindness often gets overlooked. Because at its essence, it's a very radical thing. You revolutionise television in a way. I mean, it really did. No, I'm saying it you're not. I know that you can't. But that was a huge thing to have done and good for you. I happen to believe as well, you know, and this is probably with the kind of the slight business head or the TV head or whatever it is on that you actually get the best out of people when they're relaxed. And that was our prime, prime number one concern and what we aimed to do, it was our ambition on that show, was to make the bakers feel relaxed because then you get the best out of them. When they're having a laugh and when

they feel they can sort of forget they're on camera, I mean, it's a bit of a no-brainer really. I want to come onto your book in a minute, but just before I do, Bake Off continues to exist without you. Is it a bit like a kid going to university? I feel bad. I, hand on heart, I never watched the show when we did it. My family watched it and I'd occasionally go in and just be like, you know, I've never watched it. So I haven't seen it on the BBC. I've seen bits. Of course I have.

I'd be lying if I said, I haven't seen bits, but I've never sat down and watched like a whole series or a whole episode. So when it went to Channel 4 with all the kind of the Furori and the Lardidae that surrounded that, I haven't followed it. we hoped and we knew that it would do well. I never wanted it to do badly. I don't believe in that shardinfreude, bullshit because I kind of think it only comes back at you. If you want ill on something or somebody else, it'll just come back on you.

So we always wished it well, and it's done brilliantly because it's a really good format. We know that it's in safe hands. Let's talk about the comeback, your new novel, because it really is the epitome of this kind of, warm humor and observational kindness. And it is such a joy to read. Now, we have quite a few things in common, which we'll come on to.

Not leatherhead. Epsom. Oh, I was born in Epsom. So was I. Epsom District Hospital. So was I. Oh, my love. I know.

Epsom is so special. Oh my God. Epsom. Big up the Epsom massive, no one's ever said. But I feel deeply connected to you. Oh, Epsom. Epsom and Leatherhead. Leatherhead.

the comeback is actively inspired by your experiences as a child of community theatre, isn't it? Yes. So what did theatre mean to you at a young age? I can say hand on heart even more than Christmas Day and this is terrible. I'm sorry mum and dad. It sounds very irreligious about Christmas Day, but for me, the most important day of the year was the day that we went to Panto. And I'm sure there are a lot of kids who feel the same. It was it was everything. thing. It was so particular and so special and it was the first time I ever got onto a proper stage because there's always that bit in Panto. It's usually the dame who says, and come on up, kids. I don't know if they do it these days, probably with health and safety. I really hope they do it these days, but all the kids bundled on and I remember just running up every year and just that feeling of being on a stage. It sounds a bit pretentious and a bit hammy, but it was just I just couldn't believe it.

I just got the bug really early on. And the comeback is set in this world at the community theatre. And you open the book with a quote from Voltaire because even though it is very funny, you also are a very learned writer. Can I just say? You make an amazing joke about Hedda Gabbler and Giving Head.

Okay? That's what I was saying. It's so good. Thank you. Thank you. I'm really pleased. It was so good. But you start with this quote from Voltaire.

Whoever condemns the theatre is an enemy to his country. Is that how you feel? Definitely. Yeah, absolutely. I believe so strongly in the power of theatre and the power of the arts in general. I believe it should be funded with every penny that we have. I believe it is so important for children, for young people, particularly as a place to belong, as a place to express yourself, as a place to feel free, as a place to feel that you're not

under the constraints of your school or your family situation or whatever it is. It is vital for a healthy society. And we are absolute idiots if we don't fight to have it funded properly. You are the youngest of four. Yes. Plus you had two foster brothers. Yes. What was your experience of being the youngest?

So, mum and dad are sadly no longer with us. But the six of us had a. a really sort of lively. It was a lively household. Lots of gags. My brother's the eldest and he is swear down, the funniest guy that I know, the funniest. So you had to kind of like,

there was a sense of right, I've got to keep up. I've got to keep up here. There's a lot of bans, a lot of teasing. No one was allowed to have a sort of a pumped up, pompous view of themselves. And as the youngest,

you've got to really fight to get yourself heard. hence going into sure business. Yeah. Going into shab business. Loved being the youngest, but then when I had my two foster brothers, that was so good. It was so good to actually suddenly be, you know, older than the two of them. I loved that. It gave me a sense of, you know, status, responsibility.

What a beautiful thing for your parents and your family to do. Yeah. Well, listen, it was the 70. So it was done completely unofficially. They were, Greg and Rob, they were the sons, stick with me on this, the sons of my elder sister's godfather's brother. Got it. Their family had some challenges and they rang my mum because that's what people did.

They always rang my mum. She was the go-to. Phone Rosie. Get her on the phone. What do we do? What's happening? And their dad said, could they come and stay with us, please, for half term? Mum said, absolutely brilliant.

We'd love to have them. And they stayed for seven years. Yeah, it was one of those. They were with us in term time. They went to their dad in the holidays. But they went to my school. They were like my little brothers. And it was amazing thing of my mum to do.

When I think of it, incredible. We'll talk more about your mother. Yes. And I'm looking forward to that. What an incredible thing. In so many ways, everything we've been talking about in terms of the community theatre is reflected a bit in your family.

It's this sort of group of people brought together by an endeavour bigger than them. And it's a lot of fun as well. It's to do with my dad being an immigrant as well, you know, coming here as a refugee as he did after the war in 1947 and joining my mum and she had quite an artistic, big, lively family. So the two of them, the pairing in Leatherhead, it was sort of open doors because dad knew loads and loads of poles that had come over in a similar situation.

So every house was an open house in a way, all the poles. We had loads of poles coming through, some relatives, some friends. there was never a sort of closed door policy until the day my mum died literally and I know we're going to talk about that as well it's so sweet until the day she died there was an open door come in yeah people come in

everyone's sitting around everyone is yeah the group mentality the gang it's all about the gang beautiful that is the second thing that we have slightly in common my husband's mother yes is a Polish refugee a very, very similar story. Her parents were taken to the gulag from very similar place to your father, I believe.

Goodness me. She lost two older brothers who she never met and she was born in a refugee camp in Jaffa. No. And then eventually came to England and was raised in Lancashire. And she has this extraordinary warmth and spirit about her that is so special. Oh, that's really interesting.

And I think it's probably because if you've lost your home, maybe it's because wherever you then go, you want to create. You need to create something around you that replicates. I don't know. I'm no psychologist, but there may be something in that, you know. You're a podcast host. It's as good. But Justin, my husband, has always felt very connected to you and has always rooted for you on TV for that reason. That's really loud.

Does he speak Polish? No, he's also half Italian. So he speaks more Italian. Oh, that's a great combo. It is a great combo. It is a great combo. The warmth levels must be like... It's rocketing high.

Ever wonder how people actually get rich? Like, actually? I'm Molly Sims and on my show, Lipsick on the Rim, I sat down with Haley Sachs, aka Mrs. Dow Jones, to talk money, mindset, and why getting rich actually starts with how you think about yourself. We get into the money habits nobody wants to talk about the mindset shifts that actually stick.

and how to stop feeling weird about wanting more. Listen to lipstick on the rim on Spotify and Apple Music or wherever you get your podcast or watch on YouTube. Let's get on to your failures, Mel. Yes. Okay, your first failure, in your eyes, you fail to get a decent degree. So you go to Cambridge, you study languages. Yeah.

Do you enjoy your degree? I had such a great time at uni. And I know people always like, I tend to put the old prisms, you know, the rose-tinted prisms on everything. So as far as I'm concerned, everything in the past was great. Everything that happened was great. Nothing bad happened. Obviously it was up and down.

But in general, I absolutely loved university. I do. I have a dream, probably twice a year, a recurring dream where I'm going to my finals. I have the same dream. That's so weird. Isn't it awful? Yes. And I haven't learned.

the syllabus. Yeah, exactly the same. But, Elizabeth, I hadn't. I hadn't. Oh, I genuinely hadn't. It was really, really bad. It was really bad. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, there was a whole array of papers of exams that I could have chosen, things like 20th century French literature. I loved reading French books. Could have done that. An art history one would have loved that, all that kind of stuff. I chose the history of the attack.

language, which was, no offense to any, you know, people that do that. The driest thing I could have chosen. And I didn't attend a single lecture. Not a single one. Not a single one. So I was in absolute doo-doo. And my best friend walked me to the exam. And I was doing that thing where I was half laughing, half crying.

You know that thing when you were just like like that all the way to the exam. And I wrote a. about 25 pages of absolute guff. I wrote about the goodies, who were a comedy sketch trio in the 1970s. I wrote about Monty Python. I wrote, it was all guff. I mean, I wrote lots and lots.

But, I mean, at Cambridge University, this gift, this gift of an opportunity, I don't feel good about that. If I could, I would go, I wouldn't get into Cambridge now, absolutely no way. That was 40 years ago, different times. I would go to university and I would do that degree again. I'm actually impressed that you got a two-two. But given that that must have been so stressful. Yeah, it was awful. So that dream, I don't know if yours is the same. I was literally,

and this is awful. Before that exam, that particular one, there was medieval French as well, which again, hadn't done. I didn't, I hadn't been to any lectures. Anyway, I was considering, this is awful. I was considering if I could fall down a few stairs and get a minor breakage on my writing hand so that I couldn't do the exam. I was literally, I remember standing at the top of the stairs and then I thought, this is really bad. I can't, I can't do this. I painted on a black eye with some lipstick, which looked shite, some dark lipstick. I painted on a black eye because I thought, if I go in with a black eye, maybe they'll think, oh, we'll bump her up a bit.

She's obviously had a bit of a hard time. Ridiculous. Desperate. Also, yes, desperate. Desperate. The way you're talking about it, it's also funny. But I imagine at the time, did you feel a sense of responsibility to make the most of this degree and this opportunity? partly because of what your father had been through.

Right. Yes. Dad came here with nothing. He came here with a sort of a Polish army because he was training up. He was too young. He never fought. Thank goodness. He was training up in what was then Palestine in the Polish military school.

So he had his uniform. I think he had one small suitcase, a few little bits and bobs that they'd managed to save from the old life and took through Siberia. a couple of photos and that was it. That was it. He came here with nothing and he did an aeronautical engineering degree at London University. He was really clever. He got in. He got a grant to do that and he gave half of his grant to his mother so that she could, you know, live.

I mean, and then I just went in the 80s and just squandered, la la la, la, you know, drinking, having a brilliant time, you know, I mean, come on. You say squandered, but you did. I met Sue. Yes. I met Sue. I met brilliant people and I did lots of comedy. I did do lots of comedy.

Is that why you didn't make a single lecture? Because you were busy with footlights. But lots of people were busy with footlights and they blooming worked and got a good degree. Did you ever talk to your dad about your feeling of shame? No. My dad, I think because I was the youngest, was actually quite indulgent. probably he was a bit more hardcore with the elder ones but I think when it got to me they were just so like oh whatever you know they were tired and just thought well you know she's gone under the radar so be it we also shared a real love of comedy and I think that got me out of jail so God bless him God rest his soul he never made me feel terribly guilty there was the odd you know little gag about it but no

That was very good actually. I was never made to feel guilty about it. Talk to me about your friendship with Sue. I described it in the introduction as platonic love at first time. Yes. Does that feel accurate to you? Totally. 38 years at the time of recording that we have known each other.

We met in 88 and it was like, so back in the late 80s when we were there at uni, there was a lot of comedy going on, which was great. It was pretty much all blokes. It's very different now. You know, thank goodness. I think there's real, a lot more parity and equality. But then there weren't that many girls who were doing comedy. So to find that kindred spirit and share a really strong feeling of humour with that person, that was a gift.

To find somebody that you can literally just jackknife into a kind of hunched position, and cry with laughter is a real blooming gift. We knew immediately that we had that. She has spoken in the past with great love and honesty about discovering that she wouldn't be able to have children around the time that you were having children. And it's one of those topics that I am deeply passionate about talking about because I don't have children and went through that phase

of trying and fading to have babies. when so many of my friends were popping them out, it felt like. How difficult. How ghastly. It is difficult and you're so compassionate and kind to say that. Honestly, I can't. I mean, that's a really, really difficult thing to go through. It is.

And some friendships lasted. Yeah. And some friends stayed the course and was so understanding. And I hope that I reciprocally was understanding. Yeah. And some fall by the wayside, Obviously, yours and sous has only got stronger and closer. But what was that like for you to go through that with her?

It's an odd one because I suppose when I had children, I was so taken up with that and so diverted and distracted by that. Looking back on it, I probably maybe should have been a bit more aware of how she was feeling, actually, now we're talking about it. I think she did the right thing because actually what she did was I was taken up with that for however many years

and she made the wise decision actually to just work and she had my blessing. She had my absolute blessing to go and do brilliant stuff which she did on her own and again, you know, I'm sure there were moments

when I sort of was at home thinking oh you know I wish I was doing that. I'm sure. I'd be lying if I said there weren't. But in the main, I just felt this is right. You've got to follow your own destiny, haven't you? And of course, we came back to it together when Beikoff turned up out of the blue. I probably should have been a bit more aware.

It's only in retrospect where you think, okay, that must have been hard. Well, to hopefully help you feel a bit better, I think I only realized in retrospect how I felt not having children in particular friendships. It's one of those things that just takes a while to understand. And the best friendships like yours and sues allow space for that understanding to come about. Yeah. And what a testament to. Yeah. She's also bloody, brilliant, with children.

And she's godmother to my eldest. And I've actually basically said over the years, you're kind of godmother to both of them. I mean, they both absolutely adore her. Slightly annoying sometimes. I'm like, hello, hello, you know. And I'm the naggy one and the boring one and the one that's kind of going, have you filled out your form for the da-da-da-da? And you know, all that stuff.

And she is just the fun one, the one that you go to. Do you know what I mean? Yes. So that has been the most amazing. thing actually in my life and certainly in my kids' lives as well to have perks there as that kind of just stalwart unfair sometimes she's forgotten their birthdays but that's fine we let her get away with that they they love her and I think I hope that that's kind of made things really better definitely yeah she's brilliant with her nieces children are very drawn to her actually

because she's got a very, as well as a very cerebral, you know, grown-up side, there's a very playful, just silly, numpty-ish side that kids just kind of go, okay, we're in the right place here. This is really good fun. Yes, and you're not bullshitting me. And you're not bullshitting me. Yeah. Yeah.

But God bless her, because she could have shut that off. You know, she could have kind of gone, oh, that's too sad or that doesn't feel right, or, you know, but she didn't. And that's testament to her, actually. I love the two of you. Thank you so much for... I've even got a pink bra on for goodness sake. Oh my gosh, thank you. Pink sports bra.

On brand. Always on brand. What about your pants? You don't have to show them to us. The pants are grey. Okay, fine. They weren't meant to be, but... No, it's just the general soup of grey that turn all on to the same colour.

Thanks for soup. Thanks for soup. Okay. Your second failure is a very moving one. and it's your failure to get to your mum's deathbed. Yes. First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. Dear Elizabeth,

listen, these things happen. I was doing a musical at the time and my mum was ill when I took the job on. And I went to mum and it was, she was living in Oxford and the musical was in Bristol. And I said to mum, I've been off this. musical and without hesitation it was always her way. She went, you've got to do it. You've got to do it. And I was like, okay, the train line between Ox and Bristol is really good. So I knew that I could get to her a lot. But I said, mum, do you feel okay with this? She was like, don't be ridiculous. You've got to do it. In fact, she bought a ticket to come and see it. And she never got to see it. But anyway, so I was doing the

musical at the time and she was going downhill and she actually died once the show was up and running and I had 16 shows to go. But in a classic mum way, she was a nurse in her earlier years, very practical, very together. She actually died very, very early on a Sunday morning so that I had a bit of a gap before I had to be back on stage on Monday night. and I didn't have an understudy, and I felt this was a new musical. I felt the show's got to go on. If I don't do it, then there'll be somebody that comes on with a script, and it'll just no offence to anybody, but the show, it was a comedy,

the show just would be a bit. And it was sold out, people, you know, so I thought, I've got to keep going for those 16 shows. Anyway, because mum was really ill, and I knew, we all knew she was going down. Do you mind my asking what the illness was? So mum had been ill, blimey, for about 35 years. She had really, she had a lot of strokes when she was 54. So her health was always very, but she was very strong, willed and just sort of kept going.

I said to my brothers and sisters, you know, well, we all said we had 36 stolen years because actually she was pegging out in 1991. She really was. So we were very, very lucky that she kept going, will of steel. So she had the strokes and then everything just started to kind of shut down basically. But, oh, this is where I failed badly. So I'd been to see her on the Friday. In fact, all of us were there together, which was just brilliant.

Again, open door. I think there might have been a rogue priest there as well. You know, the door was open and it was great. Saw her on the Friday and she was very, very unwell. I had a show in the evening so I had to kiss her goodbye and I said, Mum, I'll come and see you on Sunday. Anyway, I left and I'd had my phone on all the time day and night throughout the whole run in case I could just get to Oxford.

So I had two shows on the Saturday and had loads of mates in, like ridiculous, loads and loads of mates in the Saturday afternoon and in the evening. And they lined up four drinks for me after the show because they knew that it was stressful behind the scenes and that mum was dying. They'd lined up all these Bacardi and Diet Cokes, which is my drink of choice. And I was like, guys, I haven't been drinking the whole run. You know, I'm going to see mum as much as possible. Anyway, they were like, you look stressed. Get them down you.

I drank four Bacardi and Diet Cokes. absolutely smashed. I was the last person to leave the theatre that night. They were literally trying to lock up and I was, yeah, I was in a bit of a state. Got back to my flat in Bristol. It was pissing with rain. I could literally barely see, got back into the flat,

got the key in. And then I just, I sprawled in my clothes, stage makeup on, on the bed. Failed to put the charger onto my phone for the first time. in two months, you know, ridiculous, immature behaviour.

Woke up in a toe, so hungover and I thought, oh my God, I've got to get down to see mum, plugged in the phone, do-da-da,

scraping off the makeup and I can just hear in the bedroom, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, like 50 messages. So I just knew. I knew that she died. And of course,

once the phone juiced up and I got the messages, there was my darling sister who had been with her. you know, saying from 2 a.m. to 250 to 3 to just taking me through it basically. And I just, again, it was that sort of half laughing, half crying feeling of going to my exam. I just walked to the station in a total state looking like Alice Cooper with the makeup sort of down there. And got on the train.

Oh dear. It was, yes, absolute nightmare. and got to the place where she died, which was in a nursing home. And the whole family were there. A couple of priests always. There's always priests involved in our family. I think there was a dog. I think somebody's dog was there.

Mum laid out. She'd already, you know, obviously died nine hours before. And I had the piss ripped out of me right royally. Oh, my God. Right royally as I stepped into the room. It was just like, you know, so there were a lot of tears, but there was also a degree of laughter as well. Yeah. And I think mum would have probably laughed.

Yeah. It was the only night that I didn't have my phone charged. But isn't that, what a story. I mean, thank you so much for telling it. Wow. And I want to acknowledge the pain that you must have carried on that train journey to Oxford must have been inordinate. Just madness. And there's also part of me...

I slightly sharted at Didka Parkway. Can I say that? Fair enough. Absolutely. Everything went a little bit, a little bit wrong. There was a sharting incident at Digget Parkway. And I can never go through that station without... Without thinking. Diggett Shartway.

Because I was really... The booze is obviously still in the system. I haven't been drinking because I'd been really on it visiting mum all the time, you know. And then I just let rip that one night. And of course, that's the night where it all happened. There's part of me that feels your mother made that happen. I totally agree. She wanted you to have like a great time and would have found it funny, as you say.

I totally agree with you. And also, it was definitely a mum who was saying, because part of me did think, look, this is quite mad. Mum died early Sunday morning. I'm on stage Monday night. Right. I could hear mum going, well, of course you've got to do the show. Right.

You can't let people down. It was a good distraction. Well, I want to ask you about that. I'm grieving at the moment. And work is something that I'm finding extremely helpful for reminding me who I am outside of that process. And I think it's a valid coping mechanism. I'm totally with you. And I'm extremely sad that you're having to go through this.

Thank you, Mel. Thank you. Yeah, it's tough, isn't it? It's incredibly tough. Surreal, tough and bollocks, actually. Surreal is the notion of time just concertina's into chaos. Totally. But what was it like for you?

Was it 16 shows remaining, did you say? Yeah. Looking back on that period, do you think there was a coping mechanism to it? Or looking back, do you think it just delayed the inevitable grieving process? Both. Both. Yeah, I think it was both. I think it was nicely parked.

And in the lovely gang that was that show and everyone was so kind and so delightful and not, you don't, you don't want people saying, I'm so sorry all the time, do you? Because it's too much, you can't deal with that. You just want people to just understand, but just in a way give you space, I think. Well, that's certainly what I wanted.

And they did that. They were absolutely brilliant. The show must go on and it's really helpful. but you don't get a... It doesn't mean to say that it goes away, does it? It's there, it's parked, you do what you can, and then you have to deal with it. And when was this? Sorry, how far along are you in the grieving process?

Two years. Yeah. Yeah. Does it get any better? It just gets different, doesn't it? It gets different, yeah. I think the first year is really hard, isn't it? And it just comes up to bite you the whole time.

and you're not expecting it. I think you've got to give yourself time and space, haven't you? I found walking really good. Yeah. And a big turnaround was actually doing a week. Me and my husband love a bit of a walking holiday. Middle-aged alert. And we did a lovely walk.

And I just did a lot of blubbing and laughing and chatting and walking. It's just that, it's just that move. isn't it? Just that kind of you can let everything go. And I found that really, really good, really useful. And being in the context of the natural world and being, I'm finding it helpful sort of just being around trees and thinking these trees have been around for hundreds of years

and there's a bigger context. Being in nature. Turns out it's good for your mental health, Mel. Does you know? Do you like a cold water swim? I refuse to call it cold water swimming. Like, yes, I swim in cold water swimming. seas occasionally. But it's not a thing. I just, it's swimming. It's swimming. Yes, no, you're right.

I love swimming. Yeah, good. I love swimming. Yes. I do find that really good. Because it resets things, doesn't it? It does. And there's also something about being in your body and reminding yourself of your strength. So when you're sort of sitting or swimming in very cold water, it's like, oh, I'm capable of this. Yes. That's very important. Yes. That's really good. Your experiences with your parents dying, I wonder if that has brought you a new insight into death. Because you also, as I mentioned earlier, front the amazing Where There's a Will, There's a Wake podcast, which whilst funny is it kind of leads you into some very profound places, you're essentially asking guess what their ideal way of dying would be. Have you thought about it a lot? Yeah, I love doing where there's a will, there's a wake, which is, yes, as you mentioned, the podcast that I do.

Kathy Burke originated it and she passed me the baton for which I'm so grateful to her because, as you know, doing this, it's a wonderful way to kind of spend an hour with somebody. It's such a privilege to sort of have that time with somebody. But also, because it is related to death, it is a comedy podcast, I should say, but you can't help going into the, those moments of shade as well as the light, which actually I really, really love. And definitely, as far as my mum and dad dying and death being quite a big part of our lives as a family for a few years and losing in-laws as well, you can't help but think more about it. But doing where there's a will as awake alongside just kind of feeds into it and makes it feel not all right, but just the talking about it, it just makes it feel we're all in this

together. That's what it is. Ever wonder how people actually get rich? Like, actually? I'm Molly Sims, and on my show, Lipsick on the Rim, I sat down with Haley Sachs, aka Mrs. Dow Jones, to talk money, mindset, and why getting rich actually starts with how you think about yourself. We get into the money habits nobody wants to talk about, the mindset shifts that actually actually stick and how to stop feeling weird about wanting more. Listen to lipstick on the rim on Spotify and Apple Music or wherever you get your podcast or watch on YouTube. Ah, yes, hello.

I'm Simon Mayo. Ah, yes, hello. I'm Mark Kermode. What is coming up on the take this week, Mark? We have reviews of Eli Roth's Ice Cream Man, Love Me Tender, a French drama, the summer book starring Glenn Close. There's also a reissue of The Hunt for the Wilder People with our special guest. Who is the one and only Taika Watiti.

Do not miss the take because it's great. Every single second is Mark. The most excruciating period of politics that I can ever remember. After say, as a government minister, never quite sure what the Cabinet Office did, but just hold meetings. It's gone down like a bucket of sick. I kind of thought that decades of experience meant that you weren't swallowing this vapid... Oh, blimey! Hello and welcome to Electoral dysfunction with me, Beth Rigby.

Me Ruth Davidson. Me, Harriet Harmon. And me, Jess Phillips. Electoral dysfunction, wherever you get your podcast. Before we move on, I want to talk about your mum. I want to talk about Rosemary, Rosie, and just what was she like? And what might you have said to her had you made it? Or had you already said the things that you needed to convey, do you feel?

That's really interesting. Well, I hope it's interesting. It's kind of interesting for me. It's really interesting. And it's necessary. Yeah. Meaningful. She was five foot, nothing of total grit.

and humor and good vibes, mum, the combo. Mary Berry's quite similar. Really? Yeah, they're quite similar. They come from that generation of women, and it is. It's women that just cope, get on with stuff, occasionally brush things under the carpet, where probably women of our generation would sort of unpack it in a good way,

but they're very much that nope the show must go on on we go let's not think too much about ourselves um big smoker my mum god she loved cigarettes she god she loves cigarettes what's her favorite brand silk cut always uh she started smoking when she was a nurse so she became a nurse i think that's 17 she started her training and she lost the ability to sleep completely she was an insomniac because of doing all the night shifts and stuff and also grew her love of smoking. And she had to stop smoking when she had her strokes. But otherwise she always said,

God, if I hadn't had those strokes, I would literally, I would just be, you know, committed now. She missed it, I think, every day for 36 years. Amazing. And what would you say she gave to you? What part of her do you still carry? are I think, I hope, a sort of robust ability to be able to laugh at things. Mum managed to do that really well just in terms of, I think, seeing the bigger picture.

I think that's what it was, having a bit of perspective on things and not taking yourself too seriously, taking yourself seriously enough, but not too seriously to turn you into an asshole, basically. she was quite strict, mum. I think we're less strict with our own children. She was pretty strict but particularly in her kind of latter years so she died seven years

after my dad died and she let it all go, man, after dad died. She was so soft and just brilliant. We absolutely loved going to see her and be with her.

They were very precious times actually. I used to see her a lot, which I loved. No, we miss her every day. I'm sure. Yeah. Did your parents watch Bake Off? Unbelievably, this is embarrassing. I think they watched everything I ever did.

That was so lovely. Would they talk to you about it, or would it just be one of those things that silently they were proud? There are many, many, many, many, many, many VHS tapes that I've got and they need to be transferred, obviously, onto a stick. That would be helpful.

They were very, very loyal, loyal fans. And it's actually quite weird. I talked to a friend who's an actor who lost his mum quite recently. And we had a good chat about this. It's like we suddenly realised we both lost our biggest fans. So you kind of think, what's the point of doing this now? That's quite weird. But no, the irrepressible show-off in me has meant that, no, I will keep doing it.

But it was very odd not having mum to sort of do it for, really, because I sort of thought she was the most important person to be doing it for. Because she really loved, she did really love it. She wasn't too embarrassing about it, but I know that she did quite enjoy telling her mates, oh, you know, you might want to turn on to have I got news this evening because Mel's on the show. You know, it wasn't embarrassing, but I know that she did, she enjoyed it.

So Rosemary Mel had provided me with a seamless, link to your final failure, which is also to do with a VHS tape. Oh, that blooming VHS tape. Okay, it's a failure to return a video to Wizard video on Harrow Road. Still exists. For how long? Wizard is still there. Wizard is still there. And for how long did you fail to return it, ma'am? Four years. Okay. Four years. So, I'll set the scene. It was a film. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. You didn't even watch it. Never even watched it. It was called Chain Reaction. And it was a 90s film starring Rachel Weiss, who was at university with us, with Sue and myself.

Were you friends? Sue was quite good pals with Rachel. I knew her and admired her. You know, she's incredible. She's an Oscar winner. An Oscar winner. Imagine that. And wasn't she dating Sam Mendys at the time who's also an Oscar winner?

Was he at uni? Do we are you friends with him? No, I wasn't friends, but he was doing a postgrad, I think, when I was there. So I sort of knew who he was. And he was already this kind of, you know, big figure, theatre director. whatever. Anyway, now this is not going to show me off in a good light,

but I'm going to say it, I'm going to come clean, and say that chain reaction was not, not a great film. Okay. And was not known to be, you know, a great film.

So I had rented this video in the spirit of, ha ha, this is a bit of a turkey. That glamorous, talented, contemporary of mine. Awful. Shardenfreuder.

So relatable. Shardonfreude. Isn't that awful? And Rachel, if you're watching or listening, I do apologise. She's regularly just every single week. She's a loyal listener and viewer. And she's fine. We all know she's fine because she's gone on to have an Oscar winning career.

Yes. But this was almost kind of going, ha, ha ha ha ha. There's this really rubbish film that Rachel's in. Isn't that awful? No, it's relatable. It's relatable. But you never want to. watched it as well. So why did you never watch it? Because you felt too bad. I felt guilty. I felt

that's adorable. I felt guilty. Because I'd done it in a spirit of ha ha ha, look at this. And then I couldn't watch it. Okay. So it sat in the corner of the living room just for months and months and months, weeks, months, months. And then years, years went by. Just haunting you. Haunting as an awful thing to have done in the first place. What an, what's a horrible thing. But you're also probably thinking about Rachel Weiss way more than he would have done had you not taken the video. Exactly. Exactly. And it got to year two and I thought, right, I'm going to have.

And of course, totally kiboshed our ability to go and rent another video. And Wizard was round the corner on the Harrow Road. It was our absolute go-to. Couldn't ever step foot in there because of chain reaction. It got to two years and I thought, right, I'm going to face up to this. I'm going to just go in there, Boulder's brass. I actually had the video in my hand, went into Wizard, didn't about. turn straight back.

Put the, put the, put the, put the, put the, put the, but the, put the, put the, it got to four years. This is the truth. I was already doing like lunch. So I was thinking, okay, I'm earning a bit of money now. Whatever happens, I will pay that fine. And also, I was probably feeling a bit better about myself in terms of me work.

Yeah. Because we were doing like lunch. And I was thinking, okay, Rachel, you're, you're doing great. I'm all right. I'm doing okay now. So I'll take chain. Back into Wizard video. Anyway, I went in and I just totally just plonked it on the counter

and the guy looked and got into the computer and his face was steely and stern. And I thought this is going to be bad. And he said, that'll be £400, please. Oh my goodness. It was a quid a day. Oh. It's probably about, actually, no. Is it 400 days?

No, it was way more. No, it was four years. It was four years. He gave you a discount. That was quite good. Yeah, 400 pounds. 400 quid. He's sort of rounded it up.

Four years, 400 quid. You've still never watched it, I'm presuming. Still never watched it. This is the most amazing story for so many reasons. But I think it's so important. No one ever talks about it. No one ever admits it. We all have those semi-personal, semi-professional nemesis who in many ways are like great friends and

mentors to us because they identify the thing that we want or the thing that we think that we're lacking. But what's ludicrous about it though, Elizabeth, is me and Rachel We're not, I'm never going to be in that kind of, well, it's never too late. There's no area which we cross over and I kind of think, oh, you know, she stole that job from me. It's just, it's utterly foolish. Yeah, but they become symbolic of so much else. Have you ever crossed past as her? I saw her the other day. Stop it!

Wait, what was the context for seeing her? I saw it the other day. We've never discussed this. We've never discussed this. She knows nothing about the chain reaction 400 pounds saga. It turns out that I have a goddaughter who attends the same school as Rachel's. And I was there to do a, it was to do with a fun day thing. Anyway, we were all there together and I was doing a bit of emceeing.

Okay. And I was doing some emceeing and then look around. Who's jealous now? And then who's got the microphone now, Rachel? Anyway, doing that way. And I did a double take. There she was just giving me the most enormous supportive smile and waving. That's lovely.

Little does she know. Little does she know about chain reaction. Oh, my. This was actually two weeks ago at the time of recording. Okay. Yeah. And I just thought, oh God, I love you. I absolutely love you.

Shame on me, Elizabeth Day. What an incredible story. Have you ever told this story before? No. What a tale. And by the way, there's a lovely little coder, if that's the right word. Yes. So, 400 quid.

I literally felt, again, Didcut Parkway. It's Didcut Parkway or Didkut Shartway. I felt the bowels just kind of go, go, go, go. I just thought, 400 pounds. And it's that thing of spending 400 pounds on the way. That, what a total waste of money. Also, £400 in 1998 or whenever it was. My house for that. 1999. That was a lot. That was a lot. It's a lot of money today. It was a hell of a lot of money then. I think the guy took pity and he said, don't worry about it. Oh, now, isn't that a positive chain reaction?

Hey, hey. That's amazing. See, didn't have to pay 400 pounds, but you learned a valuable lesson. Now just quickly, You mentioned Light Lunch there, which I loved. Oh, bless you. And I read this thing about how you used to get a lot of fan letters. Yes. Breastfeeding mothers, students and prisoners. A lot of prisoners. And you always wrote back to the prisoners.

Yes. Why? Well, A, it was lovely to get some attention. And I sort of, I think we felt that it was a kind of, it was a, I can't use the word cult. Cult is very good for many reasons. It's a sort of blanket to say not many viewers. It was a cult audience of, as you rightly say, students, breastfeeding moms, kids that bunked off. I get a lot of people, now adults, that say, oh, we used to love watching light lunch, kids bunking off school and also prisoners.

So I felt, you know, the mailbag was quite light and quite slim, so everyone got a reply. Oh, so across the board it wasn't just the prisoners. Yes. We tried to respond. And Sue was always much better at doing the old technology. So there were some chat room forums back in the day. I had nothing to do with them because I didn't know how to work the computer. But Sue was a bit more technologically advanced.

Okay. So she was more sort of... It's been such a delight. Thank you for being such a warm, entertaining, giving guest and human. It has meant so much to me that you've come on how to fail. Well, right back at you. Honestly, all the above. And thank you for letting me witter on.

And it's good to get the chain reaction story out there. I feel lighter. Good. And I also feel I must go and check a streamer and see if it's on because I haven't got a VHS player anymore. Even though Wizard video are still up and running, I'm not sure they have that video anymore. Okay, well, once you've watched Chain Reaction, come back and tell us what you thought.

I'll write a review. Thank you. Oh, so wonderful. That was amazing. What an amazing, amazing story. Okay, we're just going to rattle through failing with friends if that's okay. Sure thing. Just a little intro here. Yes. God, I'm glad Wizard Video is still there. I was in the Harrow Road the other day and I thought it can't be. It can't be. And there it was. Wizard Video. But isn't that kind of them? So kind. But you know that thing with the video and the longer it gets, the more.

I tell you. Yeah. The war it becomes something you want to ignore and not do. Did you then go back to Wizard Video to get more video rental? Yes. Okay. I was totally. Yeah. I was really. Such a good story.

Loved it. Okay. Quick little intro. Welcome back to Failing with Friends. I'm so glad you're here for this subscriber episode. It is a safe space, but in a fun way, where the conversation can stretch a little further to share thoughts around our supposed failures. Today I'm joined by, I'm going to call you National Treasure, Mel Gedroich. Do you not like that because it makes you feel as old as Mathieu's?

you, Sula. I don't think I merit it. You do merit. Please do follow How to Fail to get new episodes as they land on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts, please tell all your friends. This is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Thank you so much for listening.