How To Fail With Elizabeth Day - ON SELF ACCEPTANCE... With Pamela Anderson and Rylan Clark

Episode Date: February 23, 2026

Welcome back to this How to Fail special where we revisit conversations from the archive to highlight particular themes and tap into the wisdom they contain. This week we look at two guests who have learned self acceptance: first, we hear from actress and global icon Pamela Anderson. She reflects on the toll that being in the public eye had on her body image and the long road to self-acceptance. Rylan Clark then takes us back to his childhood, where he opens up about growing up feeling different, navigating his sexuality and surviving bullying, which left him with a fractured skull. Rylan’s resilience is a reminder that truly owning who we are not only empowers us, but also shapes the individuals we are meant to become. I hope this episode provides understanding, solidarity and light to anyone who may be struggling or supporting someone they love. Listen to Pamela Anderson’s full episode of How to Fail here: swap.fm/l/zmy4u62s9lEvccugjBY6 Listen to Rylan Clark’s full episode of How to Fail here: swap.fm/l/GHulEMW6rrAc9o5qEv5O 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Self Esteem Guidance: www.supportline.org.uk/problems/self-esteem-and-self-confidence Mental Health Charity: www.mind.org.uk Elizabeth’s Substack: theelizabethday.substack.com Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @howtofailpod @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod @elizabday Website: www.elizabethday.org Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Self-doubt is a language many of us learn early, shaped by criticism, societal expectations and our past. Learning to accept ourselves can be the work of a lifetime. But real change happens when we stop trying to become someone else and start coming home to who we are. This episode brings that truth to life through two cultural powerhouses. First, Pamela Anderson, global icon and Golden Globe nominee. She reflects on fame, body image, early trauma, and the long road to self-discovery. She also uncovers that the harshest critic is often yourself. But the only approval that matters is your own.

Then, Rylane Clark. Since rising to fame on the X Factor, he's become one of Britain's most loved rulecasters. Ryland opens up about growing up, feeling different, navigating his sexuality, surviving bullying, and the women who shaped him. him, experiences that made him exactly who he is today. And we wouldn't have him any other way. We begin with Pamela's story. Let's dive straight in. You spent years dressing for others and you say it was fun at the time, but you're glad it's in the past. So when did dressing for others start for you? Was it when you were in the public eye? Well, I think you start believing what other people see in you and what other people expect of you. And so, I mean, again, I didn't have a stylist back

then a stylist wouldn't have let me walk out the door, you know, if I was wearing some of those costumes. It was just me digging through doors and putting things together and, you know, corsets and hats. And even when I first started doing interviews, when I was on TV, I would go to the Playboy studio and pick out pieces of clothing, you know, have pieces of clothing and have to put them together somehow. And they had a great, just wild closet to pull from, which is, you know, every color shoe, every color corset, you know. So I just started putting things together. myself. I remember I did a campaign for Jacques Moose and I remember Simon asking me, who styled you back then? It was so genius. I was like, I guess I'm the genius because I put those together

and he had tears in his eyes. He was like, no, don't tell me that. That was incredible. But it was authentic. It was fun. I thought it was, I remember going to La Dome back then and I found like Pocodot stockings with like the seam up the back and a plastic dress and a and, you know, wearing my hair in a chignon and putting eyelashes on and it wasn't thought out. It was just kind of what I threw together. But then in my first marriage, you know, rockstar marriage, I thought, what does a rock star wife look like? And then I just started playing that character, even though it's been fun to see Beyonce dress up as me and barbed wire and again, those red carpet looks. But I created those characters, which I think is a compliment because I think you can't create a, you are not just a

costume, you're the person in the costume. And I think what people responded to weren't just the bedazzled pants, but the actual young girl having fun. Yes, the character you created in that outfit. And you mentioned there that you were creating a character dress-wise within your first marriage, but were there other things that you were dressing for, other occasions. So when you went to promote a film, for instance, in that era, were you under pressure to. Were you under pressure to wear certain things. Well, Barb wire, when I went to Cannes, we hadn't even shot a frame of film yet, but I had my workout leggings in my bag and a little black corset and gloves and boots

from a photo shoot I had just done. And so I put that together. It wasn't planned. I just came out on the pier and it was funny. Boats were running into each other and people were falling off of boats. And I kept going, who are they looking at? Like, what's going on? I don't know.

I had no idea. So I just did that. I just did that. That's so iconic. And it was your workout leggings. It was my workout leggings. Yeah. I wasn't that exciting.

So exciting. You are. You're a creative genius. Yeah, well, all these happy kind of accidents. And in the time, at the moment, it was getting a lot of attention, but it wasn't like it was the cover of Vogue. It wasn't fashion. You know, it was me playing. And so I don't know if that was a failure, but in the moment, it felt disrespect.

or didn't feel appreciated. It didn't feel appreciated. But now that this 90s has made this comeback and people are really kind of looking at that time, you know, I guess I was a little bit of a pioneer. I'll just say that. I'll look at it as a positive. But in the moment, it was courageous because it was just fun and it was playful, but it wasn't fashion. It wasn't, it wasn't cool. Yes. And do you feel that people didn't take you seriously as a result? Oh, no, people weren't taking me seriously. And I think people forget, too, that I was an actress. I was, I wasn't just a celebrity because of my personal life or my marriage. I was on Baywatch for many years, and I was on VIP for many years. I did a movie, Barbwire. It may not be the box office hit, but it's a cult hit. And I was married. It was a high-profile marriage. And then people became celebrities for just being celebrities. And I kind of got lumped into that category. But I really wanted to be an actress. And I'm so glad I get to do that now. I am too. You mentioned the 90s there and we're also living through this era of Y2K resurgence and there is also this sense that

there's a toxicity to it as well in terms of body image. And I wonder what you think about that because you touched on social media and the impact that that is having. What's your thoughts on it? Well, I think people have to realize too that all these images are retouched or have filters on them and People can make themselves look any way they want their bodies and everything. So it's not a good resource for body image, you know, social media. And also, every generation has its challenges with body image and with beauty and with what we think is trendy or looks good. Or we try and keep up with the Joneses or we do what everybody else is doing. And there's just always a tradeoff.

you have to support people no matter where they are in their beauty journey. There's no judgment of what people do. It's never too late to look in the mirror and to accept where you are in that moment and to start there, start fresh, start over. It's never too late. I totally agree with you. And I really appreciate this idea that the Dove Self-Eesteem Project has of bodily autonomy and body realism rather than this constant pressure to feel overwhelmingly positive. all of the time about who we are and how we present ourselves because that's not realistic. Right. Yeah. But I think the most powerful thing for me is, as you're doing, stripping back the layers, understanding who I am underneath it all, and not trying to chase trends that change all of the time because that's the nature of a trend. Or not trying to chase youth.

Yes. And that's just been, you know, fed to us is that to look as young as we possibly can as long as we can. And I don't know, I think it gets more interesting. You know, it does. I mean, I have my own insecurities and things that I catch myself. But I think that's the challenge is to embrace those parts of yourself, even the ones you don't necessarily like a lot. It's a journey, it's a challenge, it's a practice. And it's ups and downs. It's two steps forward, one step back. That's just how it is. So knowing that this episode is going out, and it's going to reach the ears of women, people of all genders, but young women in particular,

what would your message or piece of advice be to them if they are going through a struggle with their own body image, with their own acceptance of where they're at on their beauty journey? I think that we're our own worst critic and nobody else is judging you. I feel like that was my aha moment was when I realized nobody else is. They're more worried about the way they look and that I can go to the beach in a bathing suit. I can look at myself in a less critical way. And I know it's a practice. Body image should be based on how do you feel healthiest.

And I think that's the most beautiful. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Starting something new can feel terrifying. Whether you're launching a new idea, brand, product or podcast, whatever it is, you can never be 100% sure it will work out. And at some point, you have to take a huge leap of faith. Trust me, I know. When I started this podcast, I wasn't sure anyone would listen or even care. It would have helped me so much to have a partner like Shopify on my side to help. Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to run email and social

media campaigns. Something I really love is they have award-winning 24-7 customer support, a massive help if you panic about something, and they're even there in the middle of the night. It's time to turn those what-ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your one pound per month trial today at Shopify.com.com.uk slash fail. That's Shopify.com.com.uk slash fail. Reggie, I just sold my car online Let's go, Grandpa. Wait, you did? Yep, on Carvana.

Just put in the license plate, answered a few questions, got an offer in minutes. Easier than setting up that new digital picture frame. You don't say? Yeah, they're even picking it up tomorrow. Talk about fast. Wow, way to go. So about that picture frame.

Oh, forget about it. Until Carvana makes one, I'm not interested. Car selling made easy. On Carvana. Pick up these may apply. Let's get on to your second failure, which is your failure to fit in at school. And I imagine that there's a lot that ties into how we started this conversation.

Yeah, I mean, I, weirdly enough, I mean, that's quite a vague statement. Because in primary school, don't get me wrong, I had a lovely time. I had a really, really great time at primary school. But I had these times where I didn't feel like I fit in. And that was because I think I was trying to work at who I was and what these thoughts that maybe I was having meant. because, you know, when you're 9, 10 years old, back then, I don't know about 9, 10 years old now, but back then, I didn't know what the word gay meant. I didn't know what that meant. But what I would be doing, I was quite stereotypical.

So in the playground, the boys would be playing football, and I'd be with the girls doing bewitched routines and S-Cub 7 by the church and performing for the dinner ladies. Like, all of these things. And as much as I wasn't made to feel like I didn't. fit in. I think that was a pressure I was putting on myself. Like, why am I here? Why am I here and not on that side of the fence with the boys playing football? And that sort of progressed. I remember there was this one time. It was this boy from school's birthday and sort of that thing, you invited the whole class. And we all went. But he had friends from not our school. And me and the girls are sort of outside doing this routine and whatever while these are. And I remember his friends

that didn't go out of school were like taking the piss out of me. Which I can understand. but I'd been in this sort of bubble of like, well, they all know what I'm like. And then all of a sudden you're out in what you feel is the big bad world with people from another school. They're like eight. Do you know what I mean? But it's just I remember that. It's something that I've banked and I thought maybe I shouldn't be doing this.

Maybe I should be with the boys. So it's sort of not a case of not fitting in and being ostracized and at the edge of the class, more that internal feeling of why am I doing this? What does this mean? And, you know, you'd have the odd person say something to you. And you think, what does that mean? What does gaming? What does this mean?

And then when I moved to secondary school, again, I was very lucky to go to a really good secondary school. And I was a little bit targeted in the early years by some of the older boys. And then it got to sort of the age of 14, 15. And I was quite happy with who I was and knew who I was. And I was like, fuck you. And that's when I've never forget someone come up to me. and tried to take the piss out of me. He was two years older.

We had all his mates with him, taking the Mick. And I just went, do you want a fucking blowjob or something? Because you're obsessed. And his face just dropped. And his mate sort of took the piss out of him. And then I was like, okay. And then he never said anything to me since. And it was sort of just like owning who I was.

I wasn't ashamed of who I was. But yeah, I think taking that ownership meant a lot to me. There's a lot that I want to come back to you on that. But I wonder what your thoughts are on the, language around quote unquote coming out because I feel that that often implies there's something that you're coming out from, that there's been this sort of darkness that you need to emerge from and it can be, it can imply something really negative. But it sounds from what you're saying, you always knew yourself, you just didn't have the language to express it.

I totally understand what you're saying. And I'm really grateful for you saying that because, I mean, coming out as the term, don't offend me in the slightest. Like, and I get why it's called coming out because it's like I'm telling the world who I am. I'm hoping in 10, 15 years time, no one uses the words coming out because whether you're gay, straight, buy, want to have sex with vegetable, good, latsia, like, it shouldn't be an issue. The weird thing is, I always say this, like when anyone comes out in the media that maybe has been working in the media for some time and has never spoke about their sexuality or whatever, and then all of a sudden decides to for their own reasons. Great. Well done. And they get a lot of praise and people are like,

yay. I remember having this conversation with a couple of other people in the industry that are also gay. And it was sort of like a passing jockey comment. But it was like, oh, we didn't get this fanfare. Like, because we've always just been who we are. I've never publicly come out. I've just been on TV. I've married a man. But I've never said, guys are saying we've got to tell you all. on X Factor, thank God tell you, I'm gay. Like I've never done the coming out video. I've just been myself. And people either presumed or I've said something somewhere and, you know, that's that.

So for me, I sit there and go, if someone wants to tell the world their gender, sexual preference, well, great. I'm here to support everyone. If someone doesn't and they want to keep it hidden again, it's great. your personal life. I don't care who you're sleeping with, whatever. But for me, I came out to my mum, but everyone else just knew. Did your mum know when you... Well, I mean, it was quite a funny story because I got my friend's mum to tell her because I bottled it. And I heard her in the background on the phone going, no, Linda, no. And I run away because I thought my mum's going to do something to me. And what my friend's mum actually said,

look, he's got something to tell you. And she went, oh, don't tell me he's got a girl pregnant. So, I mean, I don't know if she knew, but I mean, she wasn't deaf and blind, but for some reason, she thought I might have got a girl pregnant. But, yeah. I love your mum. She's great. She's a nightmare, but I love her. And growing up, she was a single mother. You have an older brother who you mentioned.

She was the driver. He's quite a bit older than me. Yeah, he's 14 years older than me. So he was like a dad figure. Okay. Did you ever feel the lack of a dad? And do you think that's part of your need for validation? Do you know what? No.

Genuinely, hand-on heart, didn't. The only times I ever felt odd about it was if when I was younger you'd have a supply teacher that don't know the kids, obviously. Let's say you did something wrong or you did something good or they were asking you stand up in class and say so. And if they just had a pastime, we're like, what do your mum and dad do? I was like, well, I haven't got dads. They're the only times where I'd be like, oh, it's weird. But no, like now a lot of the public know my mum is if they've seen her or listened to her or listened to her.

radio show. She's definitely strong enough to be a mum and a dad. And my nan lived with us as well because my mum wasn't well a lot of the time. So I sort of had two mums and then my brother is a father figure. So where my brother was so much more older than me, he was the one that would sort of buy me my first computer or things like that, things you just don't forget as a kid. So I never felt the lack of a father figure because I almost had three parents. I mean, it's better than none, in it at that age. Yeah. So there wasn't that need to prove yourself,

to show yourself to your dad? Absolutely no. Okay. No. I've ticked that cod psychology box. Yeah, there's. Yeah, like, I really wish, I mean, look, I'm sure if you pick through my brain

and certain traits or this, and you cross-reference it with people that didn't grow up with a man in the house and all of the, I'm sure we can sit there and find something that's like, maybe that is because of a lack of a dad. Like, I have always sat there and full nature and nurture when it comes down to my sexuality.

And, you know, growing up in a household with two females, did that make me gay? I don't know. Like, but I always do think that. But I genuinely think I could have grown up in a household with the craze and still like Willie. So, you know, like I genuinely believe that people are who they are. I feel like nurture definitely plays its part in people's character

and their characteristics and how they behave. But I do genuinely feel that people were meant to be who they are. I don't know. That might just be like a lovy-dovey thing to say. No, I totally agree with you. And that idea of nurture being integral, that mindset that you mentioned earlier of that idea that if you wanted something, you'd had to put in the hours

and you could achieve it, that's pure nurture. And that's clearly something that you inherited from your mum, your grand, your older brother. Absolutely. You want something. You go and work for it and you go and get it. And even now, I'm in a very luxury, grateful position where I could be places and they'll go, you ain't got to pay for this. Or you can have this. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes she's going,

thanks. That's lovely. Really appreciate it. But I'll never forget after X Factor. It's about six months after. And all I wanted to do, to me, always wanted to lose it on suitcase. Don't know why. It's their stereotype. Oh, you've made it. And I remember going to the shop with my own term. manager and walking and they were going, I want to buy that. And I'm like, yeah, no worries. We'll take you upstairs to a Louvaton apartment. And I'm like, oh, my God, that's amazing. And literally, they were like, we've spoke to our press team. They're happy to give this year. And I just broke down and was like, no, I want to pay for it. I want to pay for it. Let me buy this for myself. Like, that sounds so ridiculous because if they want to send me one now, I'll take it.

But like, but like, literally like for my own valid. That's when I knew I had done well. Yes. To be able to have the money to buy that. And that's when I was up right when I did. And I did. And to this day, like, I rinse it. Like, it's fraying because I use it that much. But every time I pick up that suitcase, even all these years on,

I've been lucky enough to earn some money, build my own house. I've got a car, built my mum a house. But every time I pick that suitcase up, I'm like, you don't know why. Symbolic. Yeah. That time of not fitting in at school, you've been, I think, very, generous to the people who, as you say, kind of teased you because actually it was very serious bullying at one point. At one point it was, yeah. At one point it was quite bad. You fractured your skull.

Yeah, so that was the late primary school that was. And it wasn't actually kids at school. There was this place near our school where everyone went. It was like an adventure playground thing. Not like a playground, like a normal one. It was like a purpose built, like rope swings and you'd have staff there. Like, it was one of those sort of children's places. And yeah, just one day, this group of kids, I was just on the swing, just grabbed me, threw me down on the floor and kicked me in the head. And it fractured my skull.

And the next thing I know, I'm in an ambulance. And I remember going past my house, seeing my house through the window and was like, what? It's weird because I was young and I don't really remember that much. But I remember those snippets. And I remember being in the ambulance and seeing my house. and be like, that's my house. And they're like, lay down.

And I'm like, and then I'm crying because I'm like, what's going on? Like my parents, isn't it? Like, all of this, like, what's going on? And yeah, yeah, it fractured my skull. And yeah, it just turned out these kids had seen me playing with the girls and didn't like it. And that was it. I didn't even know them. But they were just other kids that went there.

So, yeah, so that was sort of the final straw for my mum, actually. That's when she went, we're leaving. We're moving. Don't want to be here no more. and that's when we moved that. We were the last sort of ones of our family to move out to Essex. We all come from East London.

And yeah, that was the final straw for my mum. She just went, no, we're going. Do you think there's something about having Rylan and Ross that dates from that moment where it's safer psychologically for you to keep your truest of truest self protected? You couldn't be more right. That's exactly what I do.

And yeah, probably that's come from. events of my life. When I went on X, like I said earlier, you have a decision to make. Do you take this and hope to get something? Or do you stop and disappear and get nothing? And that's when the brain split into two. And I went, right, this is a Ryland night.