How To Fail With Elizabeth Day - S11, Ep7 How to Fail: Martine Wright

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

Martine Wright is a survivor of the 7/7 London terrorist bombings. Sixteen years ago today, she was travelling on a Circle Line tube to Aldgate station on the morning of 7th July 2005, when a suicide bomber sitting three feet away from her set off an explosion that would change her life forever. She lost both of her legs and was in a coma for 10 days after which she underwent a year of intensive rehab and multiple surgeries. Astonishingly, Martine went on to become an international sitting volleyball player and represented the Great Britain’s women’s team at the 2012 Paralympics in London. This is her extraordinary story.She joins me to talk about resilience, living loss, experiencing an able-bodied world as a disabled woman, fertility, grief and how she believes catastrophic life-changes can have positive outcomes.Martine is one of the most inspiring, hopeful, strong and brilliant people I've ever had the pleasure of interviewing. You do not want to miss this episode.*You can read more in Martine's memoir Unbroken *My new novel, Magpie, is out on 2nd September. I'd love it if you felt like pre-ordering as it really helps authors! You can do that here.*How To Fail With Elizabeth Day is hosted by Elizabeth Day, produced by Naomi Mantin and Chris Sharp. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email [e-mail]*Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayHow To Fail @howtofailpod Martine Wright @martine_wright   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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website, sweatybetty.com and at checkout, put in the code HOWTOFAIL. That's HOWTOFAIL, all one word, at checkout for 20% off. Thank you very much to Sweaty Betty. Hello and welcome to How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, the podcast that celebrates the things that haven't gone right. This is a podcast about learning from our mistakes and understanding that why we fail ultimately makes us stronger, because learning how to fail in life actually means learning how to succeed better. I'm your host, author and journalist Elizabeth Day, and every week I'll be asking a new interviewee what they've learned from failure.

Martine Wright is a dyed-in-the-wool Londoner. She was born in St. Bart's Hospital to the sound of the bow bells ringing on a Sunday morning. Her father was a black cab driver. Her life in many ways was indelibly entwined with that of her city, and no more so than on the 7th of July 2005, when she found herself on a circle line tube train travelling to Aldgate Station. She was sitting three feet away from a suicide bomber. When the explosion went off, Martine would become one of the worst injured survivors of the 7-7 terrorist atrocities. She lost both of her legs and 80% of her blood and waited over an hour for medical help to come.

She was in a coma for 10 days. When Martine came round, it was to a very different kind of life. There followed a year of intense rehabilitation and multiple surgeries, but this is where Martine's story is truly extraordinary. Undaunted by her life-changing injuries, she went on to become an international sitting volleyball player and represented the Great Britain's women's team at the 2012 Paralympics in London. Since that day in 2005, she's become a wife, a mother, a charity ambassador, a gifted public speaker, a certified pilot, and the recipient of an MBE awarded in 2016. The word inspiration doesn't even come close. If I could turn back the clock, I wouldn't change anything, Martine says. I mean, I'd really think

about it, but seriously, hand on heart, I don't think I would, because I believe I'm a better person from going through that. Martine Wright, it is such an honour to have you on How to Fail. Thank you. Morning. Morning. How are we? You all right? I'm good, thanks. How are you? Good. Absolute pleasure to be talking to you today. When I hear that summary sometimes, it does, I suppose, give me goosebumps, really, because, you know, even though the bombings happened 15 15 years ago it sometimes seems like yesterday but when you just describe what's happened over

in my life for the last 15 years seems like a film sometimes well it would make an unbelievable film because you are such a hero I know you probably don't often feel like that every single day of this lockdown life that we're living, but reading your story is just unbelievably inspiring. And on your own website, someone has written that you are living testament to how catastrophic life changes can have positive outcomes. And that's why I really wanted to talk to you. Can you unpack that a bit for us, that idea of a positive outcome coming from something so traumatic? Well, I mean, I suppose this is the belief that I've had really, not for the last 15 years, but probably for about the last 12. I had to, I suppose, find a way of coping with what happened.

I mean, you know, me and my family and many families that day were thrown into this world of nightmares that you would never, ever think that you would be affected by terrorism. But unfortunately, you know, this is the world that we now live in. I suppose it's been a coping strategy, really, that coping strategy of thinking that good can come out of bad I think without that without that thought and without that mindset of being able to deal with life's ups and downs or to deal with my personal experience which is probably very unique really but just to be able to deal with life and for me to deal with what happened to me that belief that good can come out of bad I don't think if I hadn't had that belief the last 13 years I would not be sitting

here today talking to you Elizabeth and is that a belief that you consciously had to adopt or do you think you've always been that kind of person yeah Yeah, I mean, that's a great question. I think it's a bit of both, really. I remember very early on in hospital and what strength and what resilience, really, my family gave me, whether it's just by holding a hand or for what they said. I remember about three weeks after it all happened, I'd only recently just come out of a coma and it was my older sister's birthday Tracey she's 10 years older than me and I can't remember getting her a card obviously I didn't go down the shop but I did give her a card and I don't remember that and she only showed me that card a few years ago and on that card this was the 21st of July so the bombings happened on the 7th of July so this how far it was after I wrote this card well I didn't write this card my mum wrote the

card because I couldn't write at that point but I wrote in this card that I went I love you so much big sis but don't worry this time next year we're going to be running around the park now I don't remember writing that and to be fair I was under lots of drugs lots of morphine of time but I can't quite believe I wrote that and just by seeing that I can probably see that whether it was well it's a mixture of everything isn't it absolutely everything experiences relationships you have with people but without all those things and without maybe that belief I don't think I would be sat here so I think that I've always been a glass half full but I truly believe that the people around me and the love and the people I've met and also the real

real crux of it for me that has given me the motivation to move on is realizing that I was a lucky one and there were 52 people that day that weren't as lucky as me and it was that realization that how many people died that day I hadn't realized how many people died that day and that day I believe was was that day that I said right we've got to get on with it and the difference about me and those poor lost souls those 52 people that lost their lives is that I was still alive and I had a choice and I had a choice to live my life and that's something that I've never forgotten and that's something that each and every one of those 52 people that died that day are with me with me every day and I know that might sound really cheesy but I truly believe that I mean that's why we're number seven on my

shirt but each and every one of those 52 people have given me strength because I know that I mean that's why I wear number seven on my shirt but each and every one of those 52 people have given me strength because I know that I could have so easily been one of those people and my mum and dad could have been easily one of those people that lost one of their loved ones I think that's such a beautiful thing to say and often people refer to this kind of experience or some deep trauma that involves grieving over something that is still part of your life as a living loss. feel there was something there for you to grieve whether you had that grieving process or whether you're someone who believes that you need to be constantly in the present to avoid being swallowed up by sadness I don't know if that makes sense but yeah it does it does make sense and I think like all your podcasts and all the questions you ask it's not a simple answer is it and I think it is a mixture of all those points of whether you have the strength to fight on I just think it's a mixture of of all those points really how has lockdown been for you Martine because I can

hear just from your voice that you are a very outgoing person and I imagine that you like connection with others and I just wonder how that experience has been for you this time last year all of us never thought it would go on this long and I think as time has gone on it's got harder for all of us I think that first lockdown was a bit of a novelty wasn't it last March and now we're this much things have got tough and there have been you know like many people ups and downs and I suppose I'd liken this to the question that you just asked is you need to experience those ups and downs so my experience over the last year has obviously like many many people there have been good things and there have been bad things. And I think a year on, you realise that there have been a lot of good things.

I think right in the beginning, we weren't too sure about it. But yes, I have experienced and I have relished getting to know people on a different level. I mean, a year ago, I'm not being funny. I live in a small place called Tring, but I didn't even know my neighbours last year. And now I share cups of tea with them on a Sunday morning over the fence. And, you know, it's just amazing, amazing things like that. I have been homeschooling, you know, with my son, Oscar. He's actually made that transition this year from junior to senior school. Although I think he's a little resilient person anyway as a result of, I think, what we've all been through as a family.

But like everyone out there, we've experienced good times and bad times. I think you can't get away from the positives that we've all got out of it, whether that is, as I said, knowing our neighbours more. I've been doing Meals on Wheels. I love to cook, absolutely love to cook. I'm in a wheelchair, so I been doing meals on wheels I love to cook absolutely love to cook I'm in a wheelchair so I do meals on wheels up my road to a few elderly elderly people including my mum who lives up the road yeah it has been a roller coaster an emotional roller coaster but I think you know funny enough what happened to me 15 years ago, I think has taught me how to deal with something like this.

And I feel like sometimes, I mean, Elizabeth, you probably hear that I quite like talking, obviously. I love it. You're the perfect guest. I do quite like talking, but it's really looking for those positives out there. And, you know, I've spent more time with my family I see my mum every day I take her for a dog walk make sure I take her for a dog walk because she's been you know in someone pretty much for the last year but again I am obviously a product of the bravery of people that day of the medical science support that I've received over the last 15 years and finally finally all of us are appreciating what the NHS and support and the staff do for us out there

but I think what I've learned over the last year and what I learned 15 years ago and what I've learned over the last 15 years is you cannot rush these things. You have to experience those ups and downs. You can't skip that stage because that's where you get the strength from. That's where you get the resilience from. That's where you get the understanding from. I think that's such a good point that feeling the feelings doesn't make you weak.

Absolutely the contrary. It makes you strong because you've looked something in the face and you've processed it. And I think also, it's like you in a nutshell, really, the way that you have answered that question about lockdown has made me realise three things about your philosophy. One is to feel the feelings, one is to look for the positives, and one is to think of others. And that's how you seem to have navigated it. And I just think that that's really inspiring for so many people to hear. I think quite a lot of people are doing that at the moment with different degrees. You know, I think this is what has been amazing about COVID, about this pandemic. You

could look at it and see the numbers of people that have died, see the hundreds of thousands of families that have been affected by it. But then also, you can see the positives. And I truly believe that this has brought us together as a community, as a nation, as a world. We've all had to go, right, this is my life and this is what I want to do. But I'm going to have to put that aside at the moment. And I'm going to have to look at the greater good. I'm going to have to work with these people around me in order to get over this. And I think that's what's wonderful about change. Negative change sometimes is that I believe it brings people together. That's amazing.

One of the reasons I was extremely keen to have you on this podcast is because I'm aware that I talk about failure a lot, and so do my guests. But failure is different when you experience the world in a different and marginalised way. I can have no idea of what failure is like from the perspective of a person of color, someone who's homeless, someone who lives with a chronic illness. And I also can have no idea of what it's like to experience failure as a disabled person living in an able-bodied world. And I wondered if I could ask you to speak to that. Has your notion of what failure is changed according to the context of the world that you find yourself in? I think obviously you can't go through what I went through that day without it affecting

your life and my life and all of our lives and and all of the subsequent attacks that have since happened over the last 15 years we can't get away from that but I suppose has it changed as a disabled person I suppose my whole journey has changed when that happened on that morning that Thursday morning in that I know it sounds cheesy but in that split second of when that bomb went off my life completely changed and as a result of that I think my motivations my failures you know what I see as failures did change did change with me I am still in essence Martine I might have slightly shorter legs or thinner ankles as I said that it, prosthetic legs give you really thin ankles. But I have changed. And as a result, I think those failures and what you achieve have failed. I suppose I have changed as well. And I suppose I liken it back to why I went off. And I think a big thing

for a mindset or coping with the world that we live in now or have been living or how I've dealt with my life over the last 15 years, think grabbing opportunities not being scared of grabbing opportunities is really really important and I think I realized this very early on when I was in hospital because I woke up and obviously I saw that I was someone else I just kept looking down in my bed at that point and saying I've got no legs I've got no legs I couldn't see I thought my bed at that point and saying, I've got no legs. I've got no legs. I couldn't see. I thought my life was over. That was it. I wanted to die.

And I think the hardest thing to deal with for me, and when I speak to other patients in hospital, I'm a mentor now for people, a lot of the time they say the hardest thing to deal with was the memories of who I once was and how I used to do things. And I understand that and I remember very early on in hospital thinking my life is over I'm not going to be able to do this I was an international marketing manager I used to travel around the world I had a big team of people how was I going to do that now and I think the main question I had to ask myself is really what I was going to do about it. All our journeys change, our life changes. We might not even know what's going to happen in life until it happens in life to us. And I think it's just that ability to be able to cope with those memories. And what I decided to do to cope with those memories is I decided to create new

ones and I decided to I suppose grab those opportunities that I never ever thought that I would have an opportunity to do so for instance you've mentioned flying yeah I did go out to South Africa and did about 55 hours of flying flying planes on my own but why did I do that I question myself why did I do that well he wouldn't want to go to South Africa for six weeks but why did I do that do you know why because I had in my brain okay I might not be able to run for that bus anymore I might be not I was obsessed with people walking along the road aimlessly talking into a mobile phone. I can't do that. If I'm on my prosthetic legs, or if I'm in a wheelchair,

especially on my prosthetic legs, you know, the pavement out there is like the Himalayas. You can't concentrate on something else. So why did I want to jump out of a plane? Why did I want to go off and fly planes? And it was about creating those memories, but it was really about, okay, Elizabeth, you might be able to run 100 meters or run for that bus but you know what I can do I can fly a plane and it was that strength

that if I hadn't gone through this such a negative thing or maybe a failure a failure to get up that morning on time I would never ever have been able to create these amazing new memories and do the things I want to do so I suppose I think it did change I think it did change my brain changed my brain had to cope with what happened and as I said you know it's so important to go on those ups and downs because that's when you can figure out what you want to do but I think a lot of the time it did change as a disabled person because I think my successes and my failures I was seeing it in a very new light and trying to take that failure as an opportunity really as wow I've got an opportunity to pick up an MBE to be awarded the

Helen Wollison award I mean you know if you said back to me 15 years ago, Elizabeth, I would say, Elizabeth, you're off your rocker. I am not going to be a professional athlete. I am not going to get an MBA. I'm definitely not going to be a bomb victim. But that story, what happened that day or my story or what happened on that event has defined me, has defined me and who I am.

But more importantly, the way I've dealt with it it's been my choices it's been the people that love me and support me and ultimately it has been my belief oh I could just listen to you talk for days on end I'm sorry I know we're not from on there tonight no no no it was amazing and we we will get onto your failure to wake up on time that morning on 7th of July, 2005, because it is one of your failures. Just before we do, I wanted to ask you about what the world is like

and whether it is friendly to disabled people. Because I remember reading this piece, it was an interview with you in a newspaper, and it was a description of your first visit to a disabled toilet. And I think you noticed a pedal bin, didn't you? They still do that now. Petrol garages do that now with anti-back.

I asked a woman yesterday, I was in a petrol garage and I'm fine, I can put my petrol in. I don't need assistance, things like that. But foot pump for the anti-back. And I sort of had my mask on and this woman walked past to go into the shop and I said, excuse me, could I borrow your foot? She sort of looked at me and I went, for the anti-vac, yeah. Is the world friendly to disabled people? Well, I suppose if there was a yes or no answer to that, I would say no. I mean, there are inequalities in the world everywhere. I mean, look what's going on the moment, what's happening recently. Those inequalities exist within our society.

You know, you mentioned in the summary, your intro, I am proud to say I'm a Bow Bell Cockney. I was born in London and my whole family born in London. And London is not very good for access at all that's a huge problem for me sometimes because I do like to still spend quite a lot of time in London but things are getting better but all of us are responsible for this all of us are responsible to communicate that with each other and yeah as you said yeah in an interview I had to point out that yes the first time I used disabled glue that was in the hospital it was actually in the hospital where I was strong enough the first time to actually go to the toilet on my own and and it

was quite a nervy experience I just looked at this foot bin and think it's done my house and so I'm gonna put it now and it was like we a hospital. We're in an amputee ward. I've got a foot pedal. And I do laugh about it. But obviously, I think in life, again, that's one of my mantras. You've got to smile. You've got to enjoy life. You've got to laugh because otherwise things will be really, really hard to deal with.

Do you know, I just, I think that's, I'm so glad you said that about the antibacterial dispensers because I had never thought that and I think it's so important we will have a duty to think about other people who for whatever reason can't use that or a handle will be too high or just very small practical things that we we all need to think more about yeah but see the thing about disability think about race really and sexism is is that we're all individuals so what I would find hard someone else might not find hard or even psychologically we're all very different you know I'm one of those people I think maybe having an understanding of what life was like before I was disabled if now someone not necessarily wants to grab and push my chair because I wouldn't necessarily say that but if they want to open the door for me or if they want to go can I get something from the top shelf in the supermarket

a lot of the time I go all right well you get the top one I'll get the bottom one because I'm good with the bottom ones I don't get offended by that you know that's someone wanting to help and I feel like sometimes we've all got an education you know we're all educators in society you know I look at my son he's 11 he's such an educator just by the experience that he has at home with his mum being a Paralympian being being an amputee. I think all of us have that responsibility to talk about things and educate people. And actually, I do think the last year, this COVID world, where we're not all seeing each other face to face

and we're not all in the same room, I feel like on the flip side, it's actually given us an insight into each other's motivations, an insight into people's homes, literally seeing it through Zoom. And the first question isn't usually now, have you got that email? But it's, how's your family? Are you keeping well? Doesn't your kitchen look nice behind you? You know, it's all those things that I think really have made us realise that good things come out bad. Let's get on to your failures, because otherwise I'll just be distracted for several hours.

And they're brilliant. So I want to talk about them. Your first failure, which I'm so intrigued by, is a failure to emigrate to Australia. What happened there, Martine? Yes, yes. So I love travelling. I mean, like many, many people now. Hence why, you know, I can't wait for Boris to tell me when I can book my holiday. But absolutely, always really, really love travelling. This was back in the year 2000. So this was actually after university. I've been working for this company in IT recruitment. And anyone that is old enough to remember the year 2000, we thought everything was going to blow up, especially within IT, as in clocks and computers wouldn't work. Anyway, it was all fine.

So as a result, I lost my job, really, because there was less jobs in IT recruitment. Anyway, a very good friend of mine, Joe, who i'd worked with joseph who's like my little brother he went off and he went traveling and he went through asia and thailand and australia so i lost my job so i said well i'm going to come over and meet you for three months so went over there with another another friend and i met joseph's oldest friend from school and that was Emma a lovely Emma and I'd never met Emma before and me and Emma just really hit it off I don't know whether we're the same but I think we're quite we were quite different people really but I don't know do you know when you meet someone and sometimes it happens in older life now I think whereby you haven't necessarily had them as a

friend for all your life but I think as you get older in life you know people that you like you know people that yeah you don't mean there's a kindred spiritness to it you you meet someone you're like oh yes and I say that as someone whose best friend is called Emma so I can highly relate anyway carry on yeah she's calling her song mate but she was dyslexic So she spelt it S-O-L-E, which I thought was quite funny. But anyway, we were in Thailand, one of my favourite countries, and spent four months there. Anyway, the end of it, I said to Joseph and Emma, right, I don't know why I'm going back to the UK.

I haven't got a job. I have been to Australia before. I travelled around there when I was 21 anyway. Why don't I come out? It's an opportunity I come out it's an opportunity to come out and maybe emigrate to Australia so I came back and came back for a few months packed everything up left my rented accommodation moved in with my mum was literally shutting the zip to my rucksack when we got a call at my mum's and it was and I believe we live in a very small world we do live

in a very small world but my sister works for the BBC and her boss small world was Emma's dad a very high TV producer in the BBC anyway we got a call at my mum saying something's happened to Emma in Australia and it was like well and Tracy said I don't know I don't know what's going on but something is going on everyone's going into his office something's going on anyway turned out about an hour later that we found out that um I knew that she was in New Zealand visiting a friend it was her birthday she was at this house of a friend and the family put a big party on for a little party she wasn't feeling very well so she said I'm going to go upstairs and lie down before the party and

anyway they kept going up to her and say come on come down and in the end she said okay I will come down and she came down and she was walking down the stairs and then her friend's father was behind her in a tragic accident he fell down and he took her out as well and she knocked her head and she never woke up oh my gosh I'm so sorry Martine I had no idea that that's where this was going I'm so sorry no well I mean I just remember having been told that my sister said right I've just found out what happened as I said I literally just did zip up to my rucksack and I remember I just had to get in in you know when you have I wasn't in my own house I was in my mum's house I was really upset and I remember sitting in this bath for hours debating what to do obviously my mum was saying

you can't go you need to stay here you need to work out what you're going to do. Obviously, my mum was saying, you can't go. You need to stay here. You need to work out what you're going to do. All I kept doing in my head was, I have to go. I have to go. Because if I don't go, then that means that I think she's going to die. And she's not. She was in a coma at that point. Very ill, in a coma. So I made the decision to go. I made the decision to go. I went on Friday, I went on Friday got there lucky enough I had another very good friend that lived in Sydney at the time Harry she picked me up obviously I was in absolute tears and then I spoke to my mum the first thing I had to do was ring my mum when I got to Harry's house rang her this obviously was 24 hours later and she said Martine I've got to tell you, I've got to tell you, Emma died last night. So that's when I was in Australia.

And not that my, I did feel like my world had fallen apart. I just couldn't be this beautiful girl that had everything in front of her. She'd been involved in something that was so tragic and not in her control she was such a talented artist funny girl and yeah I had to I mean immediately I had to go and see Joseph and but I knew I had to go to Australia I had to go and I knew if I hadn't said if I said I'm not going then that means that I believe that there wasn't hope for her that she wouldn't have pulled through but I did go there I spent a weekend there and the weirdest and most wonderful thing about it was she was in New Zealand and all her stuff was still in Australia so she was a photographer as I said

as well brilliant artist photographer and I had to pick up all her stuff from her flat in Sydney where I offered to and I brought it back to the UK I only stayed in Australia for the weekend I think I'm the only person that's ever gone to Australia for the weekend but I came home with Emma's things and obviously her family had not seen her for the last year because she'd been traveling and I was suddenly going into this house with all Emma's personal belongings meeting this family that I'd never ever met and they couldn't stop embracing me they said Martine you're Emma's soulmate her little brothers and sisters that were saying you know we've heard so much about you and it was awful awful time but that was something

was quite magical about it but what was magical about it is not realizing that I would be facing my own battles five years later in 2005 this happened in 2000 and the amount of times very early on in my recovery but now Emma is with me she's with me all the time and the amount of strength and resilience she gave me those very early days because again again for me it was counting how lucky I was so I wasn't Emma yeah I wasn't 26 years old I wasn't didn't fall, I wasn't 26 years old. I didn't fall down the stairs and hit my head and suddenly was in a coma and died. Yeah, I did get blown up. I was part of, you know, the chances of me sitting where I was sitting that day,

I probably had more chance of winning the lottery than sitting where I was. But again, I was lucky. My brothers and sisters didn't have to go to my funeral. My mum and dad didn't have to deal with the pain every single day of their life because I was a lucky one. And that strength and what Emma went through and her family and the memories I have of her, again, is one of those things that I don't think I would be sitting here now if the memories and the the early days in hospital it was what Emma went through and her family went

through that really got me through those tough days. Martine I'm so unbelievably sorry for your loss and I'm so grateful that you've shared that with us let's talk about 2005 then five years later so by then are you 31 five years later no no it's very nice of you to say I was 31 33 that's 40 72 so I was 33 years old international marketing manager girl about town and london had just won the bid for the 2012 olympics yes so i remember that time so vividly myself and and one of your failures is your failure to get up on time on the 7th of july tell us about that yes like many of us we will remember the 6th of july for the day that we all found out that london had won the won the Olympic and Paralympic bid. Obviously, the Paralympics wasn't on my radar then, but the Olympics.

And me being me, I had girl about town like many people. You know, the only exercise I used to get at that point was my right arm holding a pint of pint of lager or something like that. But yeah, I went out in I'm a Londoner you know it doesn't matter whether I'm a Londoner or not but I am a Londoner and I was going out celebrating the night before with work colleagues that it was coming coming soon and yeah I probably had too many jars and I woke up that morning on the 7th of July and my alarm went off and I failed to get up and I hit the snooze button for 10 minutes and then I got up I was slightly late so running to the train station getting on the train that I usually get on and

like many many people that morning or many things that happen to anyone in life it's a series of decisions choices that you make so that morning I decided to go on to the circle line train and I never usually get circle line trains because anyone that lives in London knows that you sometimes have to wait quite a while for one of them and ran up the escalator like I normally did and got off this train got on the tube and thought what's the result I've not had to wait for the tube and sat down at my seat now I sat down in my seat my favourite seat which was in the corner of the carriage and I had time to read my paper and I remember flicking through this paper not being able to turn a page without reading something on the Olympics and Paralympics I remember the

excitement obviously I was I think I was slightly hung over at the time, but the excitement I was feeling and I was thinking, I've got to get tickets to this. And literally, probably seconds before the explosion happened, because I remember going into the tunnel and then it happened after that. And I remember thinking, I'm a lantern. I've got to get tickets to this. I've got to get tickets to this. And I didn't get tickets. Number seven is my lucky number. Again, that's a belief that good can come out of bad.

And I'm obsessed with number seven now. And I live my life by the power of seven, which I'll share with you in a minute. But it wasn't five years later that I got tickets. It wasn't six years later. But seven years later, I was taking part as an athlete. Now, for me, some people say things happen for a reason. And I can only believe that that is true. And the amount of strength that that has given me,

just that belief over the last 15 years is unquantifiable that belief I don't know whether that's true or not but there are so many coincidences connections between the 7th of July and that was the day the London bombs happened and the day before that was the day that we all found out that the Olympics and Paralympics were coming to London. Memories from that day, as I said, I think earlier in the interview, you know, some of them are, well, memories from that day and that hour and a quarter I was down there will stay with me forever. Liz Kenworthy, my guardian angel, good, my guardian angel. She's the off-duty policewoman. She gave me tourniquets to put around my legs. mean again it felt like a film obviously everything once the explosion happened nothing

resembled a tube at all and i remember liz coming through after a while and giving me the tourniquets and i remember thinking i've seen this in westerns on a Sunday afternoon where John Wayne does it. I remember distinctly thinking that as I was pulling this tourniquet, this belt around my leg to stop the bleeding. And there's one image that will always stick out, really. And I suppose sort of told me what sort of state of injuries I had. what sort of state of injuries I had. And that was when the explosion happened and there was smoke everywhere and screams. And, you know, everyone was trying,

obviously really disorientated, thinking it was a crash. I just thought it was a crash. And as the smoke cleared, I was trying to get out. I was on the floor, I think, at this point. There was no seats, no nothing. Big holes everywhere. And I remember trying to get out and unbe on the floor, I think, at this point. There was no seats, no nothing. Big holes everywhere.

And I remember trying to get out. And unbeknown to me, I couldn't get out because my legs were caught up in all the metal. Where the end of the tube basically caved in from the explosion. And I remember looking up as the smoke disappeared. I looked up and there was this shard of metal that was probably about six foot above me and on it was my trainer on it was my new shell toe trainers that I put on that morning they were white and it was covered in blood and I thought how is my trainer up there and I'm down here and you know I didn't really comprehend maybe what happened but I just distinctly remember thinking I've got to get out of here I've got to

get out of there but again it's funny what you experience within that you know I talk to many survivors now from terrorism and obviously back then I was with many other fellow survivors from that day. And we all shared very personal stories. And we have a love and a respect for each other that I don't think anyone could ever really understand that we have. It's amazing. Absolutely amazing. But these people shared with me, 95% of them, that they had a time that they said goodbye to their family, whether that was on the tracks, that they'd been blown out of the carriage,

whether that was in size, whether that was in hospital. But they all said that they had a moment where they said goodbye to their family. I never had that. I never had that. And all I kept saying to Liz Kenworthy apparently was my name is Martine Wright please tell my mum and dad I'm okay my name is Martine Wright please tell my mum and dad I'm okay again I don't know how why I didn't feel like that I can't explain that but all I know is that the hundreds of people the bravery of the hundreds of people that day whether that was other commuters whether that was the emergency services whether that was the

fireman the fireman that had to cut me out again I was the last person to be taken out of the all-gate tube I saw the paramedic had put me asleep in order to to get me out but they hadn't and I met the fireman after and he showed me his hand and he had about two big scars on it not scars but little scars but quite deep scars and I said what are they from he said they're from you he said I was there we had to cut you out and you were screaming and I said no I wasn't I said I was there, we had to cut you out and you were screaming. And I said, no, I wasn't. I said, I was unconscious then. I don't remember you. I don't remember being cut out.

He said, Martine, you were conscious and you were in so much pain that you were digging your nails into my hand. And isn't that, again, amazing what the human mind, the human body can deal with. I obviously could deal with an hour and a half down there, but I couldn't deal with any more after that. And my brain obviously went, stop it, just absolutely stop it.

And I had no recollection from that time. And I truly believe that I was put out then, but I wasn't because I met the fireman. Martine, I just, I don't know why I'm crying and you're not I just I thank you so much for um sharing that and just being able to put that into words. I mean I feel like I have a a real responsibility to talk about it I think what happened that day and again I do laugh that I do like talking you know I do like talking but I think just to go through that I have a responsibility to either help people or talk to people or make

people realize that things like this happen in life and it's so tough and there are families still I mean look at the Manchester Arena points I mean you know families are affected by terrorism every single day of their lives and I think there's so much focus sometimes on the victim and rightly so there is but I think your family your friends it's such a shocking thing that happens I'm not comparing that to a car crash or anything and obviously that's shocking as well but psychologically I think it's such a hard thing for family units to deal with to get their head around because it's something that you have no control over and so as a result of that I feel like I do talk about it and I do point out what happened and I do point out the

positives and every time I say positives I think journey, my story could have been so different. You know, I could have easily, easily been one of those 52 people. And that would have been a completely and utterly different story, obviously. And my mum and dad would not be the mum and dad that they are now because they would be reliving. I've met so many families that relive that memory of not knowing what happened to their loved ones on that tube that day it's so tough but the main main thing for me is this belief that I couldn't have done anything to stop what happened that day and it's really that belief and those coincidences so whether it was yet the day before the 6th of July 7th of July and the connections of that with the Paralympics and the Olympics whether it is the place that I trained for two years before then performing at the Paralympics

in London was at Roehampton University that was facing directly facing the hospital that I spent 366 days in, Queen Mary's. And from, I'm not making this up, from the training hall that we trained in, you could see my window to my room that I spent 366 days in. You can't make that up. The first place I trained in London was, again, right behind Royal London Hospital, where I'm ambassador now as well, but know where I nearly died the first ever competition we went to we flew out on the 7th of July 2009 and just all these coincidences I don't know whether they're coincidences I don't know whether they're

real connections I've got no idea but just that belief for me just that belief has given me so much strength to get rid of those what ifs what what if I hadn't done that what if I hadn't run up the escalator what if I hadn't swapped on the circle line what if what if what if for me it's got rid of those what ifs and to say this happened I don't know whether you've ever felt anger towards the terrorist in question or towards terrorism or towards injustice but if you have has that belief also helped assuage that anger? I didn't ever feel that anger and again god if I could tell you why but I don't I don't know why I think it was a mixture of just not being able to comprehend it and maybe not being able to face it in the beginning. But I couldn't get away from these bombers have their own children, have their own wives.

And there's probably someone in their community that has persuaded them to do this and whatever. So I really didn't have that anger anger but I did have anger towards the government and I fought for better compensation the way that they were treating terrorist victims from that day especially people that had lost their loved ones they were offered a ridiculous package through the CICA government scheme and I suppose I had more anger towards them than I did regarding the bombings and now have I ever experienced that anger no I don't think I have and I met the attorney general and did a presentation at parliament but I never ever felt that that anger so tell me you said earlier that your idea of exercise prior to the 7th of July 2005 was raising your arm to drink a pint.

So tell me how hard it was for you to go from that to representing Great Britain in the Paralympics. What was that journey like? As I said, if you said to me 15 years ago, this is going to happen, I would have said, Elizabeth, sit down. Have a strong cup of tea or something. Because, you know, this is not going to happen. That is not going to happen.

It's like that question that people ask as well, saying, if you were ever in a wheelchair, do you think you'd be able to handle that? Yeah. And my answer 15 years ago to that was, no, I don't think I would be able to handle it. I don't think I would. Not unbeknown what was actually going to happen.

But yeah, that journey has been amazing, really hard work. And so many times, you know, I won't romanticize about it. There were so many times when I felt like throwing the towel in because this happened in 2005 then we were lucky enough to have Oscar my son in 2009 and then literally sorry sorry Martine to interrupt but like how what was your rehab like up to that point and your recovery well I mean the first year I spent in hospital I mean the first year I used to come back home but not to my home in London or my flat in London you know at my mum's house bless her she used to move out weekends and live with my sister for the weekend it allowed me and Nick to have time together. But, yeah, I was in hospital for over a year.

And people were like, oh, my God, 366 days in hospital. Wow. And I said, yeah, that was hard. But you know what was harder? The day I left. The day I left. That was the hard time. Because, obviously, you've been in an environment where it's completely normal to have legs and arms missing and now I was going back to normal life normal as an independent girl about town

no having to move in with my mum in a house that I couldn't even get out of whether I was in a chair or not I remember this one day and these are the ups and downs that I believe that if I hadn't gone through them and faced them I wouldn't be again sitting here talking to you now but I remember this one day very very soon after I came out of the hospital and I woke up in the morning at my mum's and so I went to bed that night and I could not stop crying I couldn't talk I just couldn't stop crying and my sister came to me and she said Martine what's wrong all I managed to say to her that day, over and over again, I said to her,

I said, all I want to do is walk out this house and go home. All I want to do is walk out this house and go home. And that was the hardest time, I believe, out of all of it because I had to face reality. I had to ask that question. I had to ask that question. I had to ask my question of, well, what was my life now? What was it going to hold for me? But the most important question was what I was going to do about it.

And I only realised that after a while. I was like, I don't know what's going to happen, don't know what's going to happen, but who's in control of this? Oh, I am, with the choices I choices i make yes i am a lucky one i am a lucky one and i i've got many choices i can make now so i did start a paralympic sport three months after having a baby probably not oh my gosh i just you're like it's just unbelievable so wait so nothing happens in life does it at the right time but at that stage at that stage you've done an enormous amount of physical rehab and then

you've had a baby we'll come back to Oscar in a bit but then how do you get from like physical rehab as part of your recovery to training for the Paralympics? It was a big learning curve Elizabeth big learning curve so I've chosen a sport whereby core stability is a big thing and actually for me to walk for me to balance even in my wheelchair or walk on my legs core is a big thing so I mean again I did go back to work and I found it just too hard psychologically to go back and do the same thing so I was definitely looking for an opportunity and started playing wheelchair tennis and realized that wasn't a team sport so I went to volleyball and how did I make that transition well it was a long transition I started in 2009 and we finally got to the Paralympics in 2012 but ours choices

not sacrifices you know people say that you make sacrifices in order to be an elite athlete it's like no you don't make sacrifices your family make sacrifices my husband Nick my mum my sister they all made the sacrifices they were the ones looking after Oscar but I worked and worked but I had to leave Oscar when he was six months old and I'd go off for three weeks I missed his first birthday and that was tough that was really really tough and it sounds like I'm an awful mum as a result of that no it sounds like you're a massive inspiration to your child is what it sounds like and to be fair I saw him on zoom that day not zoom zoom

wasn't around then it's for face time and to be fair who's more interested in cheese and ham sandwich than talking to his mum in America you know the funny aside is there were so many days where I couldn't take the emotional guilt that I had the emotional guilt of just having a baby and then disappearing for three days a week or then disappearing for three days a week or not disappearing for three days a week and doing 120 miles a day or sometimes 200 miles a day in order to get to training in order for me to come home and see Oscar that night and probably stay up most of the night because he was teething and things like that and then doing it again it did get tough but I believe that the resilience and the it again it did get tough but I believe

that the resilience and the strength that it's given me but I do feel like you can't make it up sometimes that journey because the memory that I will have always well there's two memories really is amazing memories from that time but one which was the opening ceremony of the Paralympics that was such a special night and it was a special night because it reminded me of something that I call team me and that's such an important integral part of who I am and who everyone is and we all have a team me and we're part of many people's teamies and that's what we need to remember we may only have one team me but we're part of many many people's teamies and my team me is obviously made up my family my friends and my physio and all those emergency services people

so that night really reminded me that I would never ever have survived at that point seven years after the bombings if it wasn't for that team me so that was just a sort of achievement that we all did together but it the emotional bit was our first game at the excel arena i laugh at this because we are the first ever women's gb sitting volleyball team to be put together and biggest crowd we'd ever played around that point was probably about 400 people in Holland. So we were now coming out of the Excel Arena in front of about 4,000 people. And a huge mix of emotions. I couldn't wait to come out, really nervous. And I wish I could show you it, Elizabeth.

The picture is actually behind me. It's in my hallway. It is my screen saver. This is my family. I saw banners everywhere with Martine and people shouting. But I saw my family I saw banners everywhere with Martine and people shouting but I saw my team me and I saw this image that I had in my head on those days where I thought you know I'm not going to take anymore I'm going to give this up and that image was Oscar I knew he was going to be three years old at the Paralympics and I had an image of him one of those really

rubbish plastic Union jet flags and that morning I came out of this tunnel and I looked over my left and there's my family and Oscar was on Nick's head with a little plastic union jack and had a massive banner saying go mummy go and I knew that all the blood sweat and tears had all been worth it and you know what it was such an amazing opportunity a moment to say thank you to say mum dad brother sister whoever friends I'm a product of the love and support that you have given me over this last seven years and I know that we've been through tough times. I know that. But look what we've achieved. Look what an amazing day, amazing experience that we have achieved. And it's that we, because I would never have made that journey if it wasn't for them. And I don't know, it's just an opportunity to say it's okay.

okay, I'm okay, we're going to be okay, life is good. The question that we need to ask is, we may not know what happens to us in life, we may not know our journey until it hits us, what's going to happen in life. And it's not what happens in life that makes a difference, it's what we do. It's what you do with what happens to you in love it's not what happens to you that makes the difference it's what you do with what happens to you that makes the difference yeah love it it's how we respond let's get on to your third and final failure which is another really interesting one i'm so glad you've chosen it and as you put it it's a failure to have another child a sibling for Oscar and you then say it's a story of you can't have everything you want but a lesson in appreciating what you've got which I just think

is so resonant for so many so tell us a bit about that yeah so at the time I didn't really share with a lot of people that we actually went through this but yeah obviously we had Oscar in 2009 and then the Paralympics happened in 2012 and that was a tough tough journey as as you said I mean many people have many tough journeys it was just tough emotionally physically with Oscar and Nick supporting me it was really tough so when the end of the paralympics came around i was 40 at that point i had my 40th birthday party and life was sort of kicking off after the paralympics so my career as an inspirational speaker was taking off and as i said elizabeth do quite like talking and you're very inspirational so it's

the perfect job for you but there was something in the back of my head to say a big big thing for me is family massive with family and especially you know with what we've all been through so right after the Paralympics it was you know do we want another child now no no and I think like many people you leave it and then a few years later after the Paralympics we started to talk about it and I at that point was 43 so we knew that it was going to have to involve some IVF we actually looked into adoption as well and again not many people know that I'm probably saying that for the first time now but we were worried that if it didn't work out it would have a negative effect on Oscar so this is where we went down the IVF route

and before that we didn't get down the IVF route I had an operation to get rid of a polyp and then three months later so this was in 2015 three months later I became pregnant and it was such a shock that amazing shock obviously beautiful shock and we couldn't quite believe it and now my surgeon said you know this is what happens sometimes when you you know have a polyp and after you sometimes get pregnant so we didn't tell anyone for the first two months like many people and then I was going to Dubai I was going on a girly sort of few days to Dubai so we had a family meal we decided to tell everyone a week before I was going to Dubai I was going on a girly sort of few days to Dubai so we had a family meal we decided to tell everyone a week before I was going to Dubai because that was a week before we were three

months past told everyone everyone's elated again you know I'm not being funny but when you have a daughter that has lost both her legs and you know a surgeon very 15 years ago don't really know whether she's going to be able to have kids or not you know from the explosion and what the trauma of her organs have gone through and blah blah so i became pregnant again and then the night before i was due to go to dubai we booked an early scan and we went there and the lady said you can't detect a heartbeat oh Oh, Martine. And I had never been in that situation before, and I think it's for couples out there that have experienced this, and it was a private clinic. So they sort of said, well, it's not conclusive.

I think you need to go back to your midwife and go to the hospital. And so what are you saying? Are you saying that the fetus is dead? Or, well, we can't really tell you that. Or we know that we can't really tell you that or we know that we can't sort of hear a heartbeat so I then went to Dubai that next morning with the girls and I had to explain to them that I didn't know whether I was pregnant or not I didn't know whether I'd lost the baby at that point or whether I was pregnant so I spent the next four days in Dubai thankfully

with my best buddies but obviously not wanting to be there really. And then I came back and they did confirm that I'd lost the baby. And then after that, we decided to have IVF. We had one round of IVF and that didn't work. I think it just makes you appreciate what everything makes you appreciate. I mean, you know, I have friends that are not with partners have not had children and they will make the most wonderful mothers i mean they're brilliant aunties we're all lucky to have them as aunties for oscar but when you go through something like that and

you know life does sometimes not work out the way that you think it's going to work out and even though the heartache that that caused us and the pain that that caused us on the flip side of that I think it just makes you appreciate be grateful be of what you've got and we've got a wonderful charismatic son that says mum I might look like dead but I'm like you on the insides. He thinks he's Cockney. He makes me laugh. But we have a beautiful, beautiful son. We now have a Daisy that we thought we might have that was a little girl

but is slightly hairier, a black Labrador called Daisy. All you've got to do is turn on the TV and look at the world that we live in. People go through awful things every day of their lives. And we don't. We've been through a hard time for a few years and now I believe our life is so much more enriched and our relationship so much more enriched because of such a negative thing that we all went through the understanding that we have as a family now a deep understanding we still have

arguments like families do but that deep understanding that is as a result of going through that hugely traumatic time I've only recently explained that to Oscar why he hasn't got brothers and sisters recently explained that I love that you've explained it to him I so appreciate you talking about this. And I have been through something extremely similar. I've had three miscarriages, and the first one of those was at three months, and exactly the same thing happened. They had detected a heartbeat, then they couldn't detect a heartbeat. And so I know a little bit of what that's like, of how strange it is to have a loss within you that you're carrying

within you yeah no one can fully confirm and it's a very difficult headspace to be in and my heart goes out to you for that and I also really respect and appreciate not only that you're talking to me about it but that you explain that to oscar i think that's a really beautiful thing to tell your 11 year old you know mommy and daddy tried and it didn't work out for us and we're so lucky we have you exactly and that's what it is it's it's finishing that sentence off with that we're so lucky to have you we did try we did do this but it doesn't matter because we've got an amazing family I mean my nieces and nephews I got three Mother's Day cards the other day I've only got

one child yes I got loads I got lovely texts and a God Mother's Day card and it was just I started to feel a bit guilty I was like I feel like I'm distracting attention from the mothers you've got a role to play love you've got a role to play no and that's what the modern world is about we have family and friends we have many many friends that we go on holiday with and it is all about the way that you explain it sorry I must say Elizabeth I can't imagine going through that experience three times oh thank youine you're so kind but like you i mean i'm not comparing myself to you because you're bloody amazing but you're bloody amazing as well no you're more amazing i'm sometimes asked about failure and grief and sadness and what if you just want to wallow in what you've lost and

i can understand that impulse and i And sometimes things do take a while to process and you need to allow yourself that time. But you do not have to live in a place of sadness. Something can have caused you pain and sadness, but you don't have to keep living there and keep reliving it every single day. And I think that that's what I'm hearing from you in such an empowering way is that these things happen to you and you made choices, not sacrifices. I love that phrase to live a life that wasn't reliving that pain, to live a life that went beyond that and took you on this incredible journey. And I just look at you and think you are a superhero for that for that very reason I'm just me that's the way that I explain what happened to me because

obviously I have small children come up to me and and stare at me and things like that and I believe it's my we need to have a conversation about it so I'm not scared about going up to children and saying you're looking at my legs I look at my wheels you know I remember the little boy last year actually the last holiday we went on remember then little boy come up to me and he was staring at me for about three hours before and going to his dad and asking questions and anyway he must have been such a little confident little boy but only only five or something six and he came out and he said excuse me what happened to your legs and I went oh well what happened was I was in a bit of an accident obviously I'd have to ask mums and dads to tell him it was a bomber so I said well I had an accident so doctors had

to take my legs away and I never stop it at that I always say but do you know what I've got robot legs I've got robot legs that I plug in at home and you know what I took part in the Paralympics it's explaining that I suppose bad things do sometimes happen but look trying to end off you know with a positive and I suppose that's my whole outlook on life there's no point if you cannot be miserable don't be miserable be happy be positive and have that belief that belief that amazing things can come happen out of the most unexpected places the worst experiences that you have and so i suppose yeah the way that you've explained it is the way that I always explain to everyone this is what happened but look what my life has done look what I've achieved look what anyone can do this oh Martine Wright what an amazing place to end on you have been

such an incredible guest I've run out of words I I really have. You've moved me to tears, but you've left me feeling so just excited by life. And look at what happened to you and look at who you are right now. I think that is the message to go away with. And I cannot thank you enough. Martin Wright, MBE, Paralympian, mother of one and superhero, all-round superhero. Martine Wright, thank you for coming on How To Fail. Thank you ever so much. Pleasure. This episode of How To Fail is sponsored by Sweaty Betty. Sweaty Betty makes activewear designed by women for women. And you can really,

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