How To Fail With Elizabeth Day - S16, BONUS EPISODE: Cody Rigsby on queerness, addiction and being Rishi Sunak's favourite Peloton instructor

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

TW: addictionRegular listeners of How To Fail will know that I love Peloton: the one-stop fitness workout which offers cycling, strength, yoga and more. THIS IS NOT AN AD, JUST A GENUINE FEELING! Anyway, the undisputed King of Peloton is Cody Rigsby - an instructor who brings a combination of poptastic joy and savage sass to the bike. He is one of the most popular instructors on the platform, with over 1 million Instagram followers, and counts Prime Minister Rishi Sunak amongst his die-hard fans.But Rigsby had a tough upbringing: his father died of a drug overdose when Cody was just four months old. Raised by a single mother who also had addiction issues, Rigsby endured spells of homelessness and financial instability. Growing up queer in North Carolina, he struggled to find role models or representation, which is why, on the Peloton bike, he uses it as 'a Trojan horse' of acceptance. Rigsby also talks movingly for the first time about losing his friend Oliver to addiction and his belief that he failed to intervene until it was too late.Even if you've never stepped foot near a Peloton, I promise you this is an interview that will move and entertain you in equal measure.--My new book, FRIENDAHOLIC: Confessions of a Friendship Addict, is published tomorrow and is available to order - at half price - here.--How To Fail With Elizabeth Day is hosted and produced by Elizabeth Day. To contact us, email [e-mail]--Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayHow To Fail @howtofailpodCody Rigsby @codyrigsby Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Make your nights unforgettable with American Express. Unmissable show coming up? Good news. We've got access to pre-sale tickets so you don't miss it. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance.

Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. Hello and welcome to How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, the podcast that celebrates the things that haven't gone right. This is a podcast about learning from our mistakes and understanding that why we fail ultimately makes us stronger. Because learning how to fail in life actually means learning how to succeed better. I'm your host, author and journalist Elizabeth Day, and every week I'll be asking a new interviewee what they've learned

from failure. I am so excited I get to introduce today's guest, but first a story. In early 2019, my husband stayed in a hotel that had a gym with a Peloton bike in it. He took a Cody Rigsby ride and came back raving about the experience to such an extent that we ended up buying our own Peloton. I was sceptical at first because I loved my in-person spin classes, but then I did a Cody Rigsby ride. He played Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and encouraged me to work harder than I thought possible with plenty of motivational spiel and hilarious anecdotes involving his firm belief that Kevin is the hottest of the Backstreet Boys. Listener, I was a total convert. Today, I get to meet the icon himself. Cody Rigsby was born in California but raised in North Carolina. For someone who brings such joy to so many of us, he had a tough start in life.

His father died when he was young, and he was raised by his single mother, Cindy. There were spells of financial insecurity and homelessness. Unable to afford dance classes, he learned choreography from Britney Spears videos. After university, he became a dancer in nightclubs and gay bars, as well as working for Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj and Pitbull. It was a choreographer at a burlesque club who first told him about Peloton, a fitness company looking to hire performers as instructors. The rest is history. Rigsby is now one of the most popular instructors on the platform with over 1 million Instagram followers. He counts British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak

amongst his diehard fans. His rides are always fun, but also challenging. You're like, how am I going to do this? Rigsby says, and somehow you do it. That's an analogy for life. Cody Rigsby, welcome to How to Fail. Hello. What an introduction. How was that? It was beautiful. So eloquent. I feel like when I have to introduce myself or when I'm on podcasts and they ask me like, tell me about your life. It's always like the Marvel origin story, like, you know, the first film. And so that was a great way to get through the origin story, which it's like, you know, when we see these Marvel movies, like we can't see the Peter Parker origin story one more time. Just give us the CliffsNotes and let's move on to the action.

So here we are. And also all those movies have to be at least two hours, 50 minutes long. It's such a specific time. I know. It's very long. I went to go see Ant-Man like Sunday. So it was fine. I didn't go and see Ant-Man.

I went to see Tar. The choice is between Ant-Man and Tar and I love Tar. Okay. Anyway, we're getting off. One of us has more class than the other and it shows in our movie selections. I just want to say. Okay. One of us has more class than the other and it shows in our movie selections. I just want to say, I wanted to do you justice in that introduction because you have brought so much joy and strength to so many of us. And you helped so many of us just keep our shit together during the pandemic.

And I just want to salute you for that and say thank you. And I wonder whether you think that having been through those tough spells in your life that I briefly alluded to, do you think that makes you into a better instructor on Peloton? Of course, you know, it's the hardships, it's the struggles, it's the downtimes that really give us character. I think if you ever listen to a singer talk about their process of creating an album they always have to be the best albums are when people are going through things so I think it's the moments that we're down or the moments that we're struggling in the moments that teach us life lessons that we can really bring our best to our craft and how are you coping with the fact that you are now so recognizable and, you know,

you're on Dancing with the Stars in the US. So you have become a celebrity as well as being a Peloton instructor. Is that quite difficult? Because on the bike, I'm imagining you have to bring your authenticity and your real self and your vulnerability and off the bike, you might have to be a bit guarded. Yeah, it's definitely been a transition because popularity of Peloton really spiked during the pandemic. So my fame or celebrity was kind of growing in this bubble or this vacuum where, yes, I was gaining popularity, but I didn't really actually get to see it firsthand because we're all at home. Nobody's out shopping. We're not flying,

you know, all these sort of things. And so it started to hit me once we started coming out of lockdown and I started to notice it more. You know, I'd be on the streets in Soho, New York, and people would stop me. And it took a while to kind of adjust to. And it also, I think in a lot of times that I've been interviewed, people are like, what's it like to be famous now? And I don't know, sometimes I used to shy away from that and just be like, yeah, I'm famous. But like, am I? It's kind of like a Z-list celebrity. But then I think the more that I've done Dancing with the Stars and been out

there more I'm starting to see the effect of it and I think in a way me trying to shrink that fame yes was me trying to like hide from it a little bit and I think a big theme for me in the past year is to not shrink myself to make other people feel comfortable and so I've kind of just leaned into it a little bit more and you are right I think you do have to be a little bit guarded not in a way that's bad but just in a way to protect yourself I always say that like Peloton instructors me specifically I guess like we have to be ready to be Mickey Mouse at Disney World at any time. You know, you'll be on the streets and someone will be like, oh, my God, I love your rides.

And you might be having, like, the worst day possible or just been in a fight with somebody or just got bad news. And you kind of have to turn on the sparkle, the magic, the persona that people know you for on the bike. It's definitely taken some skills to transition that even when you're having a bad day, you know? Is that why you have a Mickey Mouse tattoo and you're wearing a Mickey Mouse earring today as well? No, you know that, I guess it's a good reference, but no, I just like the Mickey Mouse tattoo,

which people ask me about a lot. It's just, A, I think Mickey is a pop icon, but it is always that reminder. I mean, I'm 35 and I still feel like I haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. So it's that reminder to be a kid and to have fun and not to take life seriously. That idea of shrinking yourself and combating against that, where do you think that comes from? Because to me, that sounds like someone who historically felt that maybe they weren't worthy of attention. All right, let's get it. I knew this was going to

be a therapy session. Are you going to bill me for the 45 minutes? This is free therapy. Like you give me on the bike. No. Okay. So I think I have a good answer because I feel like I've worked through this. I think with growing up with a lot of insecurity in life, as far as like finances, homelessness, it's like not knowing where sometimes food is going to come from, not knowing where we're going to stay for that night. That insecurity, I think, created a lot of fear in me that whenever I got something nice or whenever I got success or whenever I started to earn money, that if I hyped it up too much or if I got my hopes up too much, that it would fail, that it would be taken away, that there would be no safety net to fall back into.

back into. And so I think it mentally in my own weird little way, just like protects me from the fear of everything being taken away because that's how I grew up. And that's how a lot of my life panned out. So I think it's a protection mechanism, but I think now I'm starting to trust myself more and believe in myself more and know that I've created the tools I have the foundation to be okay that no matter what happens even if the money the success the celebrity all were to vanish that I've developed the tools and the skills to not only survive but thrive and also pivot and transition to whatever may or may not be next yeah so thank you that was a beautiful answer oh thank you I also didn't know until I came to research you uh-huh about your dad dying and I'm so sorry that's okay I'm in the second draft of a book that I'm writing and so I've kind of talked about what talk about it in detail in the book but it's also weird when

people say that because he died when I was four months. Okay I didn't know how old you were. And I know this is kind of like morbid or weird but like I didn't know him. Yeah. And also he died of a drug overdose which addiction is real. I've dealt with that with my mom also. But then it kind of reminds me that probably that person wouldn't have been a good influence in my life. And I think that things would have had a lot more turbulence with him in my life. And I don't know if that's just me coping with it, but that's just the realistic way of where my mind is with it. So, of course course it's sad but it when someone says that I don't know I'm just like not that affected by it yes does

it make sense oh it makes total sense okay cool do you look like him do you know if you look like I do I do and I specifically look a lot more like my grandfather I have like yeah we'd I'd find old pictures of my grandfather when I was his age and like wow I look very much like him I can imagine you this sounds like such a weird thing to say like in a world war ii uniform yeah you've got like you've got like a classic and those are the pictures I find but yeah I've also seen pictures of my dad I'm like okay I see that I see the resemblance but I look a lot more like my mom which I think is why I look like my grandfather it's all like if you see a picture of me and my mom like we have this same nose to eyes except for I have my mom's

fake nose okay if that makes any sense yeah she's very candid about the fact that she hated her nose as a child and got rhinoplasty at 16 so whenever I see pictures of me and my mom or people always say you guys have the same area I'm like yeah but I have her fake nose wait but is your nose fake no my nose is not fake but I somehow you know I think like the way that evolution works they that's very cool they just uh God gave me her fake nose so you've described Peloton as a Trojan horse of diversity and inclusion, which I love. Tell us about that and how you use it. I've always thought of Peloton as this little Trojan horse. I can only speak to my experience.

But people buy the bike or the tread or they're on the app. And they're there for a fitness class, a workout, but they eventually start to kind of like fall in love with the instructor and they start to hear their story and they start to be inspired by the way that we're showing up and living our lives. And for me, I think that comes with,

I'm going to make a Spider-Man reference just because we talked about it. You know, with great power comes great responsibility. That's a full circle moment we just had. You know, great power comes great responsibility. And I think that being in people's homes, mixed with all the endorphins and the workouts and creating a better self, people are a little bit more open and receptive to a message. And me living as an out queer man and telling my stories, hopefully not only inspires people, but also opens their mind to different people, different ways of life,

different thought processes. And so I think of people riding their bike in more rural areas or smaller towns or places where there aren't gay men, trans women, queer people. And so they might change their mind about what they perceive as what that community looks like or what that community does. And I think it has a domino or a viral effect on the small communities that they live in, that if one person can change their thoughts on homophobia or transphobia, that then they start to pinpoint it or see it in their own community. And then maybe they have the strength to talk about it

or change people's minds. I know that's happening because I've had so many people come to the studio when we teach rides and say like, you know, I was struggling with my queer child and like taking your ride really helps me open my mind and create a better relationship with my child. And so that I know for me, like just always keeps me rooted in purpose. It's amazing that one of your most famous taglines is it's not that deep. You say, yes, but that is so deep. That really is so profound what you can do by living your truth on that bike in the way that you are.

Yeah. So thank you for that. Yes. Thank you for recognizing it. Take us back to little Cody. Oh. Actually, this is so,

such therapy. Okay. Before we go there, I should ask you about Rishi Sunak because apparently you didn't know who he was to begin with. I mean,

it's fair. I mean, we changed prime ministers like socks. Yeah. Recently a lot. Yes. You know, I was to begin with i mean it's fair i mean we changed prime ministers a lot yeah recently a lot yes you know i had to google him at first but it's very cool it's very cool yeah he does you and leah i i love that for him and that's an interesting choice that the leader of this great country not only likes taking my rides, but really does enjoy some Britney Spears too.

Let's not forget about that. It gives me hope. Yeah, there you go. And do you know, as the instructor, if famous people are on your ride? No, not really. Because I mean, most people are not like... They have usernames.

Their usernames are not like Brad Pitt, you know? And I don't know if brad pitt takes a peloton ride but you know and there's no like very verified check mark i think most people want to just even though they're on a leaderboard ride and as you hear you in the uk would say privacy privacy thank you um is there anyone that you have met that is famous that has been like unexpected or exciting for you personally who takes your rides? Like Liza Minnelli. I don't think she's taking a Peloton ride.

I'm trying to think. Have you ever met Britney Spears? I have not. I have not. The drag queen Trixie Mattel, who I absolutely love and was a guest on my LOL Cody series at Peloton. I don't know if I was surprised, but they are such an avid fitness person. They love running. They love cycling.

They've done marathons. And I just look up to them so much because they've taken a drag and created an empire, but also just something they're passionate about. And I always think that they lead with kind of the same way that I do. There's a sense of levity and humor in everything that Trixie does, but there's a lot of purpose there,

which then like makes a difference in a lot of people's lives. So I don't know if I was like surprised, but I've always just like honored that Trixie takes my classes. And for anyone who doesn't know, LOL Cody is essentially like a chat show. Yes.

On a bike. Yes, we call it a talk show on wheels. Yes. It's so good because you don't realize you're doing the exercise because you're so interested in the guests that you're talking to. Yes.

Yeah. And that was kind of the purpose of it was just to kind of like, you know, everything that we do at Peloton, specifically what I do at Peloton is really how do we add entertainment to the workout because anybody can do a workout and get bored but if you put like entertainment into it people are going to be captivated and stick with it and so it was really fun to do that also I know this is one for the Peloton geeks but I love your

friendship with Emma Lovewell oh I love Emma oh Emma. She seems so great to have her. Oh, she's great. I will. I will. She'll probably bake you something and I'll have to send it to you. I know, on her DIY and her cat. It's annoying. It's kind of annoying.

She's just the perfect person. I know. I'm like, stop being so good at everything. Like everything. I'm like, enough, Emma. Enough. Okay. We're going to get onto your failures.

Yes. But I want to ask you about your childhood because it pertains to your dance failure. Okay. But us back to little cody growing up in north carolina how do you get involved with dance or how do you know that it's your thing i just like was always captivated by the trl era of music where what's trl total request live okay i think it would be like top of the pops for you thank you i so appreciate the way you're translating American for me. I do love some UK culture and I do know some of it, but not all of it. Yeah, I think it's like Top of the Pops for you. So you'd come home at like three o'clock, Carson Daly would be on MTV

and it would be the top 10 songs of the day. And Britney Spears, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Christina Aguilera would be, you know, on the top of those lists. So you'd watch, you know, Britney Spears videos with like insane choreography. And I just was so captivated by it that I wanted to do it as well. You know, and even in TRL, you wouldn't get the full video, you'd get like a minute and a half. So I'd be like waiting for Britney Spears to come on and be like, okay, I learned one eight count and tomorrow I'll learn the next eight count. And then I'd learn it at home. And then one day I got, I think one day I got the courage in fifth grade.

There was these end of grade tests. And so once you're done with the end of a grade test, you're kind of done for the semester, but there's always like a few extra days. And so I would be teaching the girls in fifth grade. Oops, I did it again. And that was kind of like that. And then also when I got into high school, I started doing like all the musicals and I would pick up choreography really well. And I just had a natural knack for it. Were you popular at school? I wasn't not popular but I wasn't popular I think it was always like weird because for me I'm growing up I'm figuring out like that I'm gay I'm feeling

different I'm feeling weird kids pick up on like my girly energy they make fun of me for it so I think I was always trying to like hide but like in plain sight I guess I don't know so yeah it was in musicals I learned Britney Spears choreography and in middle school when I was learning that choreography I always wanted to take dance classes or gymnastics classes but like we were so broke that that wasn't even an option like my mom was trying to figure out how to pay for dinner let alone like a dance class or anything like that so when I got to college, I was trying to find any outlet to be a performer. And so I started taking ballet classes at the community center in Greensboro, North Carolina. So they were free ballet classes, but I've said this before,

nothing comes for free. I was in a class as an 18 year old, six foot two man with 12 year old girls. as an 18 year old six foot two man with 12 year old girls that takes a lot of self-possession to go and do that yeah you know you gotta let go of your ego a little bit and just be like all right this is the only you know free is free so let me do it and that opportunity is afforded to me with a little bit of privilege because i think men are not seen as much in dance classes. So the minute that there's a man that shows interest, you do kind of get like a lot of the attention. No, that's not fair, but it just is. That was my experience. What did your mother, Cindy, make of your love of dance? I mean, she was also like super supportive. She was an ice skater growing up so she did what in the u.s is called ice capades so she like did tours of ice dancing and then she was also an ice skater on the donnie and marie show

in the 70s so she was always supportive of it yeah so there's performing in the blood yeah for sure so you become a dancer yes and that leads us onto your first failure, which is that as a dancer in your 20s, you planned to move to LA. What happened? I live in New York. I've been in New York for 13 years. I moved because I wanted to be a dancer. A lot of the dancing I did was commercial dance.

So that's like hip hop videos, backup for artists, TV, film, stuff like that. And a lot of the work started to migrate more and more to Los Angeles because there's more space for studios. There's just more stuff going on there. So I started to recognize that the more I got in deeper with the dance world. And I was booking great work, but I knew for me to take it kind of to the next level or to pursue it more, I needed to go out to LA.

And every time that I would go to Los Angeles, something just didn't feel right. The people were not authentic. The culture was way different than New York. I think when you walk out the door in New York, there's a, and I feel the same energy here in London. You walk out the door, there's millions of people, there's an energy to go get it. Whereas in LA, like you get in your car, it's a slow day. You're not surrounded by people or energy. And it's hard to stay motivated there. For me, at least it was. And so I would go out there for like auditions and a few months at a time and nothing really started to feel like it was sticking. And I don't know, it just, it wasn't for me. I think I did that a few times, And I don't know, it just, it wasn't for me.

I think I did that a few times, like two or three times. And I kind of failed at making it work. Because you had a goal, didn't you? To be booked on a major tour. Yeah, like I'd work for Katy Perry. I'd work for Nicki Minaj on like these one-off shows. But I think a big dream of mine was always to do like a world tour or a national tour with a major artist. And I do remember going out there and auditioning.

I did audition for Britney Spears for the Vegas residency. I got through the first round. And then the second round, I got the cut. I don't think I've ever said this before. So this is an exclusive. Well, let's music, please. And someone is going to roll their rise at me. But I did go out for one of the Taylor Swift tours as well.

And I don't think I made it through the first round of that as well. I actually forgot about that. So I got there and I auditioned, but it was like a lot of failure and I think that might have just disheartened me a little bit from staying out there. And I didn't have a friend group like I did in New York and I don't know, it just never stuck for me and I never had that big break that I thought would keep me out there.

And how old were you in your 20s? Yeah, like mid-20s, probably like 25, 24, something like that. A lot of people come on this podcast and say that their 20s felt like a failure. Because it can be such a confusing decade where there's lots of pressure to find your way. Yeah. And you're getting knockbacks. So many knockbacks. Yeah.

I think in your 20s, you're just figuring out a lot. And there's a lot of failures, a lot of also being broke. I think that when you're in your 20s, when you don't have as much money, it's just harder to stay in the game more and more. Obviously, we're talking about failures because failures are kind of those life lessons and also I'm not a religious person but I do believe that I did fail a lot with that stint in Los Angeles and even like not attaining that goal of doing a tour so that I would go back to New York and that I would find Peloton because it was like the last stint I did in LA for a month or two wasn't working out for me and also I was kind of coming to terms with the fact that maybe dance wasn't for me anymore because when you're a dancer you're broke and you are putting so much effort into a passion project

of doing something that you're passionate about, but maybe isn't creating financial stability for you or a future or a life. And with that last day, I kind of accepted that I was ready to move on from dancing, but I didn't know how. And so my goal was just like, I'm going to go back to New York. I'm going to deprioritize auditioning and dancing. And I'm just going to make as much money as I can. So that meant like waking up every day, going to the gym, cater waitering, working at night clubs, working freelance fashion gigs. Just like every day was like 10 to 12 hour days of just like, how much can I work? How much can I make money and that's what ultimately brought me to Peloton because I was working at a nightclub called The Box I worked helping the bottle service girls get through the crowds

and then there was this very interesting burlesque show where the girls were topless and so I had to make sure that nobody took pictures of the girls' titties. So I wasn't even working in the show. And then the choreographer director of that show had a friend at Peloton. And he sent me an email like, hey, my friend's looking for performers that are into fitness. I know you work out. I know you're a dancer. This might be a good fit for you.

I just was like, great. I can make some money. And then now, nine years later, it's become, I can make some money. And then, you know, now nine years later, it's become way more than just making money. Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest? This is a time of great foreboding. These words, supposedly uttered by a king over 800 years ago, these words, supposedly uttered by a king over 800 years ago,

set in motion a chain of gruesome events and sparked cult-like devotion across the world. I'm Matt Lewis. Join us as we unwrap the enigma and get to the heart of what really happened to Thomas Beckett by subscribing to Gone Medieval from History Hit. History Hit. Hi, I'm Matt Lewis, historian and host of a new chapter of Echoes of History, a Ubisoft podcast brought to you by History Hit. Join me and world-leading experts every week as we explore the incredible real-life history that inspires the locations, the characters and the storylines of Assassin's Creed. Listen and follow Echoes of History, a Ubisoft podcast brought to you by History Hit,

wherever you get your podcasts. that feeling of realizing that maybe dance isn't for you although actually maybe that you weren't in a position where you could fulfill your dance identity because it feels like dance failed you rather than you failing it yeah i mean there's a little bit of a little bit of both is that very difficult process because it was so much of your identity growing up and for someone who felt like you didn't quote unquote belong in all ways where you were growing up and dance was this way of being yourself. Yeah. Was there a sense of like loss of self? You know what? Yes and no. I think you kind of framed it in a way that made me think about it in an interesting perspective. Yeah. dance was a place of authenticity, a place of expression, a place of fun, a place of passion. When you start to monetize that and it becomes work, then it kind of steals away the passion, the fun away from it. And then it becomes, it's almost as if I was like trying to prove to myself that

I was good enough, or I was trying to prove to others that I was good enough. And sometimes it's not even your ability to dance, it's actually your ability to network. Because if you're not in with the right choreographer or the right crowd, you're not even up for jobs because they're already giving it to their friends. And I think that's also why LA and the dance scene, like why it was a failure for me is because I am not someone that wants to pretend to like somebody just to get an opportunity. It feels inauthentic to me. So that part of the job, like it was hard for me to do. And so I think that's also why I kind of gave up on that. So I was like, I don't feel like schmoozing with people to like act like I like them to maybe get a job. Like I want to make genuine connections with people and that's not what it was giving at all.

And when you're being turned down for the Britney Spears residency on Taylor Swift tour, did you internalize that rejection? Of course, you can't not. Like, especially at like a very young age, like you're going to take it a bit personally. But I think also that built so much resiliency. You're just so used to hearing no and hearing that you're not right for the job or you can internalize and say that you're not good enough and you're not talented enough. And yeah, you can definitely you can take it, you can take it personally. But I think it also just built a lot of strength of being like, all right,

I'm used to hearing no, I'm used to failing. I'm used to, I'm used to it, that it doesn't affect you as much. You build a strength from it. I hate to quote another Peloton instructor while I'm talking to you. No, please. I always remember hearing Robin Ardson say on the bike, you've got through a hundred percent of your worst days. Yeah, of course.

And that you're so right. It does build up a sense of resilience and knowing that you can do it. Even if you don't want to do it, even if you don't want to go through the rejection, you know, you can survive it. Yeah. And that's what I think creates a sense of fearlessness. Like, okay, I'm going to show up and if I fail, like I'll get up tomorrow and I'll try again or try something new or pivot or go a new direction. And I mean,

that's essentially what this failure did to me. I didn't know what the next step was going to be, but I knew where I was wasn't right. And so I opened myself up to new possibilities, opened myself up to new possibilities, new pathways. And it's because of pivoting and changing that Peloton fell into my lap and completely changed my life, allowed me to find what my purpose was, created that financial stability, allowed me to be able to take care of myself, take care of my mom, allowed me to connect with people to change their lives. So like, you know, yeah, I failed and I didn't, and the life lesson wasn't right in front of me the moment I decided, okay, I got to pivot. But I think my intuition was telling me it's time to let go and it's time to move on.

And I think letting go is the, oh God, letting go is so hard. Yeah. Because we're so attached to previous lives, partners, friendships. And sometimes those things are not serving us and they're not for us. And letting go of them is what opens up the pathway to the new and more joy, more happiness, more authenticity, more knowing ourselves. more joy, more happiness, more authenticity, more knowing ourselves. Before we get onto your second failure, I want to ask, and I ask this as a fellow person who probably didn't fit in that much at school and therefore has spent the rest of her life trying to prove herself. Do you still feel the need to prove yourself or do you think you've

sated that? No, no, I do. I think anytime we take on something new and we're not amongst, it's so easy when I'm at Peloton because people love me. The community adores me. They tell me it all the time. My colleagues show me support. They show me love. They're there for me. stars or hosting gigs, or you're just around people that you don't know, there is this fear and this necessity to prove your worth in these new spaces. And I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. I think it depends on how you allow that mindset to dictate your actions or to control you. I think a little bit of fear, a little bit of wanting to prove yourself to people is okay but if you let that consume you or overpower you then it's a little bit toxic you're so clever and so wise and you're 35 thank you yes thank you i mean it is a compliment thank you that's very kind okay so you get approached by this choreographer you apply to peloton you start training and then we come to your second failure which is that you failed your

first trial class at peloton yeah i did tell us the story oh goodness i got the job at peloton kind of like on site i sent in my headshotshot and resume to Mary and our old CCO. We met for like 30 minutes. She was like, okay, you start training next week. I'd never taught a fitness class. I'd never taught a cycling class. Wow. Yeah, I know.

Had you ever been to a spin class? Yeah, like once or twice. Cycling class. Yeah, I think an indoor cycling class. Indoor cycling. I think spin is copyrighted. I'm so sorry. No, you said it, not me.

So I started training. Sorry, had you done one? Had you done a indoor cycling? Yeah, I'd done a few. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you said it, not me. So I started training. Yeah, I've done a few. Yeah, I've done a few for sure. Like at the gym. Yeah, they were fine. They were fine. Like, I don't know. Like they were fine.

Yeah. So I started training. It was probably like a six to eight week process, you know, taking classes in the studio, meeting with the person I trained with, watching classes, all that sort of stuff. And it was just trying to learn it. And fun little fact is there was a little bit of, I'm not going to name names because it's not anybody that works at Peloton anymore as far as instructors, but I'm still not going to name names. But my trainer was not communicating some of the things to my boss. We had no male instructors at the time and she wanted me to go take instructors at other studios.

And so I was out doing that. And then my boss was like, we haven't seen you at the studio. Like what's going on? I don't think you're committed. Like I literally got an email that was like, I don't know if this is for you. I don't know if we can continue training you. All this sort of stuff because it wasn't being communicated that I was taking classes other places. So I almost didn't make it.

Do you think that was deliberate sabotage? No, no, no, no. I just think that that person didn't know how to communicate. I don't know. Like, I don't think it was intentional. But then you go through the process and then you have like a friends and family class. So you just like try to invite people to come take your class was cindy that no no no cindy was still in north carolina and you know she's barely capable of riding the

bike now so it's just like you try to take everything you learned and all the nerves and anxiety of doing something for the first time in front of a group of people and it was just bad it was bad like my cues were off i nervous. I wasn't in control of the space. And I remember feeling that and then like getting out of the class and getting the feedback from the person that was training me. I was like, you know, that wasn't great. We're going to have to do that again. And like, we're going to have to take some time and finesse it before we do it again. When you say that you knew you weren't in control of the class, what does that mean? How do you know when you have it and when you don't?

I think you're just like in the zone because I've always thought this. Do you remember the Tom Cruise movie minority report? Okay. You know, when he's got like the gloves on and he's doing all the different like aspects of the computer screen that's how it feels like that i've always felt like it's teaching a spin class because and especially at peloton because you're in front of cameras you gotta know what to say you've gotta know your cues in the programming you've got to know the music well enough to match the cues for the programming you've got to speak to the camera and even in that phase of it you got to speak to the room so you're like talking to people you're talking to the camera you're waiting for the music okay here's a 30 second

push are we doing cadence are we doing resistance are we doing it in the saddle are we doing it out of the saddle i've got to like tell a story i got to be inspirational it's all these aspects of it and so now i know how to be in control and to balance those things out and to time them right and it's like second nature but when you're starting that off you're like you're worried about so many different things all at the same time and I just like failed at I failed at it for sure and you know I'm in my head and it's like when you watch somebody doing something you're like oh they don't know what they're doing you don't feel safe yeah you know so now I mean probably not now because you're so practiced at it and so expert but did you have a script like how do you remember all i mean not a script no but you have like your

notes as far as how long the intervals are going to be and what part of the music yeah they're in the screen in front of us but that still doesn't give you the cue of what you want to say and you know i've trained a lot of peloton instructors, including Leanne Hainsby. Formerly of this parish, previous guest. Formerly of this parish, yes. Good shameless plug. Something I tell people when I was training them was not only have your programming notes,

but also maybe like, what is a story you can tell about this song? Or what does it remind you of? Or what's going on with your day? And like have those notes in there so that you kind of have an idea of what you want to speak about and that would have been great advice for me to have at that point but you live you learn what did you learn from that failure that it's okay to try

again that it's okay to look a mess that it's okay to go back to the drawing board and that's exactly what I did I spent a few weeks finessing it practicing it a little bit more knowing my music a little bit more and the second time I think it was a little bit more serendipitous because I remember at that time I feel like the first trial class, I was just like inviting people that were available. And it was like people that I cater waited with and some people I barely knew. And this time, the second time around, a lot of my friends were able to make it. My friend Oscar, my friend Quentin, Corey, my friend Chris,

like people that I danced with. And I remember it just feeling much more comfortable. Maybe that's why, because I had like my people there. And the second time I knocked it out of the park. So it felt really good. I remember it just feeling perfect, at least as perfect as it could be at that moment. What's your favorite ever song to play in a ride?

Oh, wow. What's the one that you will always feel like tom cruise and minority report oh wow i'm your baby tonight by whitney houston is a really solid one that's a climb that's another one you've introduced me to some of my favorite spotify tracks oh yeah yeah that's good don't mess with my man oh that's a That's a throwback. That's a 2000s throwback. That had a very nice pace. I think it was a climb or something. Anyway, it was great.

Flat Road, I think. But it could also be a climb because if you went on the half beat, it would be a climb. If you went on the double beat, it'd be a flat road. Anybody listening is like, what the fuck is he talking about right now? Great. Yeah, that one's a good one. If I were in front of my library, I could pinpoint it. But that one's a good one. If I were in front of my library, I could pinpoint it. But that one's a good one.

Final geek question. So how much time do you spend curating the music list for a ride? It just depends. It's so funny. It's like sometimes a 30-minute playlist, you're like, oh, I know exactly. And me, I'm someone who loves a theme. Like it's blonde female pop singers or girl groups or boy bands. And you know I have some very slut pop you know songs

that make you feel like a slut like it's very can be very niche so like when i in that mindset it's kind of easy for me and i can like oh what you know what's the song but it's so funny you can get let's say the class is like 35 minutes i mean 30 minutes and you can get to like 20 minutes of content or 25 minutes of content and you are trying to find that one song to finish it and it will take you like 20 minutes you'll like put one song and be like oh that's like not long enough or the vibe isn't right or it doesn't fit the theme and it can take forever to just find that one song it kind of just depends sometimes it's quick 20 minutes sometimes it can take me an hour and a half just to curate one playlist.

I'm sure you hear this a lot, but I always do a Cody Rigsby ride when I need to lift my mood. Fantastic. Love to hear it. Yeah. When I'm feeling out of sorts or down or a bit exhausted or I know that it's you who's going to lift me out of that, but also help me achieve a goal I hadn't thought possible on that given that given day I also do it at other times but you're who I turn to in that moment and I wonder if you feel that responsibility and whether sometimes when we were talking at the very beginning you were saying that thing about Mickey Mouse that when someone recognizes you in the street you have to be Cody Rigsby from Peloton yeah how difficult is it on the days when you're feeling down or lost or confused to leave that the door and get on the bike and give what you give to the rest of us?

I mean, listen, there are some days I'm like, I don't want to be here. I don't want to use this class. Like I'm tired. I'm in a mood. I've had a shitty day, like just keeping it real. Like they happen, but there is something about when I get my clothes on, I put on my little cycling shoes. I walk into that room. The lights are there, the cameras are on. Now there's people back in the studio. And no matter kind of what mood I'm in, it kind of just gets pushed to the side. I don't know if it's muscle memory. It is muscle memory that I just remember how fun it can be and how much joy I can bring to other people. You know, I'm lucky I get to go to a job that's fun. And I can be silly and I can be and how much joy I can bring to other people. I mean, I'm lucky I get to go to a job that's fun and I can be silly and I can be myself and I'm not in front of a desk, you know,

filing papers or doing Excel spreadsheets. So there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying it's not the most fun work. I'm lucky. And so I think when I step onto the stage or step into the lights, it's reminder. And so it kind of just goes to the wayside and I 99% of the time I'm having fun even on my bad days once I get on the bike I don't know if it's a responsibility that I feel but it is just a reminder of the joy that is felt by myself and then the people on the other side of that screen and I always want to make it entertaining and fun and I think sometimes that can be the pressure but most of my best content or moments happens when I just like let that pressure go and show up and be myself on the fly your third failure I'm so grateful to you for

choosing this because it's a really really profound one and you mentioned there that in the second friends and family class that you did at Peloton, you mentioned one of your friends, Oscar, was there. And your third failure is about your best friend, Oscar, struggling with addiction. And you felt that you failed in addressing the problem. Is that right? Yeah, in a way, yeah. How did you know Oscar?

Tell us your story. Oh, I mean, the beautiful thing about living in a big city, and specifically New York, I think there's a lot of, not orphans in the sense that we all don't have families. But we end up leaving our small towns or our hometowns and we move to this big city and we're all trying to find ourselves. We're all trying to find our career paths. We're all trying to grow up. And, you know, I was really fortunate in my early 20s, in my early life in New York, to finally find a group of friends that felt like home, that felt like family.

And that's honestly when I started to find my people is when New York started to feel like home. And one of those people was Oscar. We met one night through my friend Corey. I think the first night we met, we ended up making out in a cab, but we never dated or got naked, but we're just drunk and being silly. He's a little bit younger than me. He was in school for architecture and design. And we just created this amazing friendship where he's one of the people that I've had adult sleepovers with. I think those are special. We traveled the world together. We loved dancing.

And it just became such an amazing, deep, but also fun friendship that we had. And when you get to know somebody, I think they start to open up about their traumas and their past. And Oscar's father, he was kind of estranged from. His father lived in Mexico. His mom lived in Miami. So there wasn't a relationship there. But his father also died of addiction.

There was some abuse from his stepfather growing up. And I think that we all kind of like cope with those things in different ways. And I don't know. I didn't really figure out that Oscar was really dealing with addiction until much later in our friendship and almost to a point where it was too late. And there was always like kind of signs,

but I didn't really know of them until kind of later in life. And when I started to notice it, I tried to step in and address it the best that I could. But I think the one regret I have with it was not intervening at the point that I thought I should. I think it's a little tricky because myself and my friend group were seeing that there was starting to be a problem. But then like Oscar's partner at the time was like, I'm going to handle it. I got it.

And he was like, I'm going to have a conversation with him. And that conversation was had, and I'm not blaming him. I'm just saying that like, sometimes for your own peace of mind, you got to take things into your own hands or control. And I wish that I would have, even though his partner had a conversation with him, had kind of had an intervention and had a conversation about it and showed love and support without thinking that it was handled by somebody else. I feel like I was overstepping boundaries, therefore I held myself back, but I should have listened to my intuition. And I don't know if that would have changed the course of Oscar passing away or not from addiction, but I think I would have had a little bit more peace of mind knowing that I did everything that I could. Wow. Yeah. I'm so sorry for your loss. Yeah. Thank you.

And thank you for talking so powerfully about it. That's an impossible situation in so many ways. Yeah. I think that's a challenging part with anybody that is affected by addiction. It's for someone who doesn't deal with that. It's hard to understand the mind frame of someone who is battling addiction because it is a disease. It is something inside of a person that is causing them to be destructive or behave in a certain way or drink too much. And it's hard to wrap your head around that because for someone like myself,

it's like, I don't even like drinking that much. So you drink and, you know, you have a few drinks and it's over and for someone else, it might be really challenging. And it's hard to wrap our heads around that. Did you feel that you were losing Oscar before you lost him, if that makes sense, through addiction? Yeah, I mean, yes. Because I feel like there was a lot of points where I was seeing that he was being destructive. And that was hard for me to watch.

And so I kind of like you know started like threatened I was like I was gonna talk to your mom about it or I'm gonna and behavior started to not change and I think it started to affect our friendship so much that I had for my own sanity I feel like I had so many conversations with him. Like, you know, how can I help you? I'm concerned about you, all these sort of things. And for my own sanity and my own wellbeing, I feel like I started had to create boundaries. And sometimes when you're creating those boundaries for your own peace, you feel like you're giving up on somebody or you feel like you're deserting them. And it's a really hard balance. Like you've tried, they're not receiving it or it's not, nothing's changing from your action,

but you're being very affected because you love this person. You care about this person. How do you create your own peace while feeling like you've done enough, even though they're still partaking in like destructive behavior? I don't know what the answer is. And I don't think that there is one. Because there's also such a porous line between enabling.

Exactly. And not having any boundaries. Like it's, you actually at some point for that person's own good, probably needed to take a step back as well. Yeah, it's like like I feel like okay if I'm creating this boundary if I'm stepping back a little bit is that me showing like I mean business and then I am concerned and I am worried and maybe that will have an effect maybe that will

show them that like okay something needs to change and I'm not saying that it didn't. Like, I think that there were some changes, but I think ultimately it still was a battle that he wasn't able to defeat. How did you learn that he had died? I moved my mom from North Carolina to New Jersey in 2019. And so every week I would kind of go out to my mom's place. I would go take her to Target, go grocery shopping, spend the night, spend some time with her. And I'd go back into the city and go to work. And so it was one of those mornings I was going back to the work from New Jersey.

And I was actually texting Oscar and checking in. He was like, I don't feel really good. I'm going to go to the hospital. And I was like, OK, are you OK? He was like, yeah, I'm fine. I was like, all right, well, let yeah I'm fine I was like all right well let me know if you like let me know what happens let me know you know if you need anything and that was like literally the last text message that I had with him and ultimately his like organs were failing

from so much alcohol usage and they had to I think put him under anesthesia, but then like he never came back from that. And so, oh, it was a really grueling process because we would go to the hospital. His mom was there with him. There were some days it was like, okay, he's going to make it, but like, you know, he's going to take a long time to recover. Then it was like, he's not going to make it. Okay, maybe he's going to make it and then this is going to take a long time to recover. Then it was like, he's not going to make it. Okay. Maybe he's going to make it. And then this is going to happen. And so it was kind of this back and forth of, and I'm sure anybody that's dealt with anybody being in the hospital and having something life

threatening happening to them, there's kind of like all these different scenarios that may or may not happen. And ultimately he became like brain dead at some point. And so that's how we kind of found out was going back and forth through the hospital and having this like very long week. And also, you know, as a friend group, I think we had kind of accepted it because we have a few doctors in our friend group

and also Oscar's partner at the time was a doctor. So he was kind of giving us the information. But I think like any mother, his mom wasn't ready to give up hope or give up, kind of accept what was. And so I think we had to give her time to also accept that he had passed. And then that's finally kind of what had happened. But it was a very long week and a half of the back and forth. How old was he?

28 at a time. I'm so sorry, Cody time i'm so sorry cody i'm so sorry i sometimes ask the question about failure about what we learn from every experience of it and i wonder if you do feel you've learned anything from that one or whether it's simply one of those things that you will always live alongside no i think what I've learned is to listen to your intuition. And when you feel like something's wrong, to speak on it, to do as much as you can, especially if it's something that's your responsibility and our friends and our family are definitely our responsibility. I think we can easily, in scenarios like this, let it haunt us or take it personally and feel like, oh, I failed and

therefore this person passed away because I didn't do X, Y, and Z. But something I've learned in life is that we are making the best decisions with the knowledge we have at that current moment. And so I was doing the best that I could with the knowledge and the tools and the skills that I had at that moment. And I was not the person I am now at that moment. I have way more knowledge and information now. And of course, I would have pushed through and had that conversation and pushed more things. But I didn't know at that moment. And so I did the best I could. And how is your grief today?

How are you? I think in the beginning, like I said, there was that week and a half of going back and forth and not knowing what was going to happen and then having a service. knowing it was going to happen and then having a service. And I think I was grieving so much and crying so much and so sad that I kind of allowed myself to compartmentalize it for a little bit for probably like six months. And then I started to talk about more in therapy and grief is interesting because it just happens at a moment's notice. When we remember people, I think we remember them in certain places. We remember them through certain songs or movies. And I think that there's been times I just have not been able to control it.

And I just like let it out. And I think if we hold it in it's not going to process and move through us the emotions got to move through us and you got to feel it so I allow myself to feel it Fire Island which is a little gay island off of outside of Manhattan is a place where I had a lot of memories with Oscar and I remember just like walking on the boardwalk one day with my boyfriend and feeling his presence and just having to stop on the boardwalk and like cry the ugliest cry that I've ever cried. I'm not spiritual at all, but I think that I do feel a presence at certain times. And I think, like I said earlier, me and Oscar used to have these

kind of adult sleepovers where I'd come over, we'd have a few glasses of wine, we'd put on music, we'd dance around, we'd catch up and gossip about things in our lives. And I think there's moments in my months or at times I'll put on a song, I'll be cleaning around the house and I'll be listening to music and a song will remind me of him and I'll just start to dance and I literally will feel his presence and feel an immense sense of joy you know like yeah yeah like I might cry but it's kind of like a happy tear like a happy tears remembering the memories I think that's just how it moves through us and it hits us when we at least expect it it's so beautiful thank you I this has been one hell of an origin story i tell you you have taken me on such a such a journey as you always do on the bike as in life i cannot thank you enough for trusting me

with your story for coming on how to fail and i'm glad even though it's an origin story it's less long than a marvel so we've come in at a modest 60 minutes but cody rigsby thank you thank you so much for coming on How To Fail oh thank you for having me if you enjoyed this episode of How To Fail with Elizabeth Day I would so appreciate it if you could rate review and subscribe apparently it helps other people know that we exist