How To Fail With Elizabeth Day - SPECIAL EPISODE! How to Fail: Leanne Hainsby

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

It's the weirdest time of the year, when all the days become a formless sludge and we start to miss getting emails. Navigating the days between Christmas and New Year can be tricky at the best of times, but in 2020 there's an extra layer of WTAF. So I knew I wanted to talk to someone motivating, but not annoying; someone who could nudge us gently into 2021, without making us feel like we weren't already good enough; someone sweet and funny who wasn't smug; someone who, in short, is as sceptical about New Year's resolutions as I am and can instead make us all feel better about who we are right now. That person is Leanne Hainsby.Anyone who is lucky enough to own a Peloton will already know who Leanne is. Anyone who doesn't know what a Peloton is, well, it's basically a super-duper fixed exercise bike with a video screen that enables you to join live and on-demand classes given by amazing instructors. If you have never been on a Peloton and would rather chew your own feet than go to a spin class PLEASE STAY WITH ME. You don't need to have any prior knowledge to love Leanne Hainsby, I promise.She is the UK's first female Peloton instructor, a woman whose physical strength is matched only by her emotional authenticity. A former professional dancer for everyone from Katy Perry to Steps, she is kind, supportive, enthusiastic, funny, insightful and empathetic. Her trademark phrase, shouted through the screen to the hundreds of thousands of Peloton riders who join her classes, is 'Yes to you.' Leanne is, quite literally, my favourite person I haven't met yet. And so I wanted to introduce you all to her because she's a total gem.She joins me to talk about her failure to value herself in past relationships, her failure to be punctual and her failure to see herself beyond her problematic skin (such an interesting conversation). Along the way, we chat about music, cats, mood swings, how to exercise when you really don't feel like it and, yes, there might be a few details about her boyfriend (fellow UK Peloton instructor, Ben Alldis). Please have a listen even if you don't think this episode is for you. I promise you it will put a spring in your step. And if it doesn't, I'll give you your money back...oh now, hold on, this podcast is free so that's not possible. You see? Everyone's a winner!YES TO YOU!*If you're in the mood for an antidote to all the 'new year, new me' hype, I can entirely objectively (ahem) recommend my new book Failosophy: A Handbook For When Things Go Wrong which explains why I hate New Year's resolutions and which also contains 7 Failure Principles developed from two-and-bit years worth of accumulated podcast wisdom.*This episode is not sponsored, but I did want to flag a new book by Samaritans out on 7th January. How To Listen comes with a preface by Michael Palin and includes helpful tips from trained Samaritans on how to talk about how we are feeling, as well as how to listen to one another in a way that can prevent day-to-day concern or worry from escalating into more complex emotions. You can (pre)order your copy here.*How To Fail With Elizabeth Day is hosted by Elizabeth Day, produced by Naomi Mantin and Chris Sharp. We love hearing from you! To contact us, email [e-mail]*Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayHow To Fail @howtofailpod Leanne Hainsby @leannehainsby   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Make your nights unforgettable with American Express. Unmissable show coming up? Good news. We've got access to pre-sale tickets so you don't miss it. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance.

Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. Hello. I hope you all had a very happy Christmas, given the circumstances. I know it wasn't a normal year, but I hope that you managed to find ways to market and celebrate and congratulate yourselves for getting through 2020. And as a reward, I would like to introduce you to a very special festive episode of How to Fail with Elizabeth Day. My guest is possibly one of my favourite people who I haven't yet met, and I can't wait for you all to hear the episode. Before we get started I just wanted to

draw your attention to a fantastic new book that is coming out in January. Some of you might know that I am an ambassador for Samaritans. They are an incredible charity who offer 24-7 care to those in need. The coronavirus pandemic has added to the pressures people face this year with many struggling to access the help and support they need. Samaritan's volunteers have been there throughout providing support to those in need. They've also been busy working with Kyle Books on a new book called How to Listen. The book is packed full of practical advice and tips about listening from Samaritan's volunteers so that each of us can be a better partner, friend, parent, and colleague. From how to open up a conversation with someone who might be struggling,

to how to listen fully, empathize and reflect rather than problem solve, and how to use gentle encouragement to help others share their stories. The book demonstrates the power of listening without judgment and it comes with some very well-known contributors including Dame Julie Walters and Michael Palin. The book is going to be published on the 7th of January at £12.99 in paperback and is available to pre-order from all good bookshops and all good book website sites and I can highly recommend it. As someone who fully believes in the power of active and empathetic listening, this could not be a better book. Thank you so much for listening and enjoy the episode. Hello and welcome to How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, the podcast that celebrates the things that haven't gone right. This is a podcast about learning from our mistakes

and understanding that why we fail ultimately makes us stronger. Because learning how to fail in life actually means learning how to succeed better. I'm your host, author and journalist Elizabeth Day, and every week I'll be asking a new interviewee what they've learned from failure. Let me start by telling you a story. When I was 35, my marriage ended. I had lost faith in myself and my judgment. And somewhere in the midst of this emotional turmoil, a good friend took me to a spin class for the first time and I felt better. I kept going and I kept feeling better and spin became my exercise of choice.

Then, a little over a year ago, I tried out a peloton bike in a hotel gym. It was a fixed indoor cycling bike attached to a video screen which streamed on-demand or live classes given by various instructors. I was sceptical. There was no way this was going to be as good as doing it in real life, I told myself. But I was wrong. The instructors There was no way this was going to be as good as doing it in real life, I told myself. But I was wrong. The instructors were amazing. The music was brilliant. I sweated more than I thought I was going to. And after a few months, we bought our own Peloton. It saved us during lockdown because it was basically like having our own gym. And over time, it turned out to be cheaper than going to all those classes too.

But the thing that makes Peloton really special is its instructors and my favourite instructor is today's guest Leanne Hainsby. In 2018 Leanne became the first female Peloton instructor in the UK and since then has grown into a spin class legend. She has a devoted following, including multiple celebrities and lots of friends who are incredibly jealous I'm interviewing her today. Leanne is brilliantly motivational, but not in an annoying way. She is upbeat, but never inauthentic. She pushes me harder than I've ever been pushed, but does it with such kindness, clarity, and encouragement that I don't notice it happening. She and her excellent taste in music have got me through some of the hardest times in my life, including two miscarriages and the not inconsequential matter of a global pandemic.

So yes, it's safe to say, in spite of the fact that I've never met her, I've got a massive crush on Leanne. And when it came to who I wanted to interview for a special episode in that strange formless time between Christmas and New Year, at the end of the humdinger that was 2020, I knew there was only one person who could make us all feel a little bit more positive. And that's Leanne Hainsby. Leanne, welcome to How to Fail. Hello, that is the kindest introduction I've ever had. I need my mum to listen to that and to know to always introduce me as kindly as that in the future. Thank you. Oh my gosh, it's such a pleasure. I'm giddy with excitement. I also feel like I know your entire

family because I know that your mum and dad have a peloton bike and you often shout them out in the middle of a class which is very exciting it's so funny I mean they definitely understand peloton and I actually got them the bike for a Christmas gift a couple years ago when I first started and I mentioned my mum so much in the classes and I'm always like mum that's a really big deal you know that I you know speak so openly about you and she's like yeah I know it's great isn't it like so unaware so unaware of just how special those moments are yeah but it's getting a shout out in a class we should say it's like one of those things that as a peloton rider you always

strive for and I know that you as an instructor have to get through so many that it's like one of those things that as a peloton rider you always strive for and I know that you as an instructor have to get through so many that it's quite stressful for you so yeah Leanne's mum her name's Sue isn't it? Yeah Sue and on peloton she is mum of Leanne so you know she doesn't want to go unnoticed let's be honest. Well shout out today to mum of leanne so we're recording this in november it's actually the first day of the second lockdown yeah and people will be listening to this in between christmas and new year and i think we all feel quite exhausted at the end of 2020 so leanne how do you motivate yourself when you also feel exhausted to get on the bike and motivate others? What's the key to that for you?

I think this year has been so unsettling for everybody. I am such a big advocate for energy, like good energy. And for me, the more good energy that I give out, the more I receive it back. So people are so kind to me on social media. And I know how much the workouts, the motivation can change their day, their week, their health and fitness journey. So that is my biggest motivation. Also, I was told very early on in my Peloton journey during my training in New York by Robin Arzon, who is our vice president of fitness programming, that you won't always be motivated. So you have to be

disciplined. And the reality is, I know how working out makes me feel. And I am somebody that's not hugely based on the numbers. I just know how I want to feel. I know that when I feel better, everything in my life, I feel like I can deal with it better. And that for me is something that I keep coming back to because let's be honest, when it's dark, when it's cold, when it feels like it's just a really relentless year, the last thing sometimes you want to do is work out. But if you could bottle and think about that end of the workout feeling and just really kind of focus on that, I think that it's just so worth it.

The hardest thing is starting, right? As soon as you're in the workout, as soon as you've done it, you're so grateful that you have. It's so true. I always remember my friend's yoga instructor saying, you never regret having made it to the mat and I think of that so often that the hardest thing exactly the hardest thing is like getting out of bed getting into your leggings and getting there getting into a place a space of exercise and you're so right that afterwards you're always so grateful that you've done it you're always so grateful and you know it's the little things for example

making the before process as easy as possible so something as simple as laying out your workout outfit doesn't matter what you look like it doesn't matter what you're putting on but making sure that every step that gets you to the bike or to your workout is as easy as possible so that it's like right okay let's do this and I also think like for me personally at school and university I thought I didn't like exercise but actually what I now realize is that I was doing the wrong things for me I was doing a lot of team sport and I always felt I was letting everyone else down. And actually what I need is to almost outsource my exercise to an instructor like you. And all I have to do is get to the workout and then someone else takes over what I need to do.

And that was the unlocking for me. You know, funnily enough, I never, ever thought that I would be doing this. I used to be a professional dancer and that was all I ever really, really knew. So when it comes to me training as well, I'm exactly the same as you. I have a PT and I like to, you know, put it over to him as soon as I'm in that workout space. I totally get that. I wasn't somebody who during my dance career ever really went to the gym. Obviously, I stayed fit through dancing, but I think people get into fitness for different reasons and at different times in their lives. And that's the connection, I think. So for me, it was at a time in my dance career where I was really feeling like I needed a change.

It felt a little monotonous, as fabulous as the career is. I needed a change. And then your fitness burst of energy starts at that place. Yeah. It's a weird one to think about, really. But I've always been into fitness. I think the Peloton thing works for me as well, because you're passing it over to somebody else right and it takes the control away from you and just allows you to be like motivated and fully in it on the other side

exactly now not everyone can afford a peloton or a personal trainer but what advice would you give for those people who are looking for a way to be motivated themselves I mean I know that during the first lockdown I found a lot of zoom classes and I don't know if you've done any of them but whether you'd advise people to get into it that way yeah I think there are so many ways I think something that's definitely helped me I know that you like to work out with your best friend as well but whatever you're doing sometimes you need to hold yourself accountable to something or to somebody. And if you're working out with a friend,

and listen, that can be going out for a run. The thing is, it's movement. You need to keep your body moving to be physically strong and active and also mentally strong and active. And you can join Zoom classes, you can find so many classes online, or you could do your own thing as long as you're moving your body. And in that respect, when it comes to motivation, it's like you have to find something that you enjoy.

So you could go out and play tennis as your form of exercise if you enjoy it I always say in my classes for me that's the key if you're enjoying it you will keep coming back if you're not enjoying it you'll find a million excuses not to do it there's always something out there so spend a bit of time like if a peloton isn't affordable to you there are so many ways that you can still be working out and I think it's worth spending the time researching those things that you know you enjoy write down your hobbies and sometimes those hobbies will be things that keep you physically active as well and that's a great place to start love it actually as you're saying that I was like one of my hobbies is going to the cinema which I can't do anymore but I suppose that explains why I like having an instructor because I actually quite like

watching something and having an entertaining soundtrack which is what you do brilliantly but so many people at this time of year come up with improbable fitness goals as a new year's resolution so having never run forever they will suddenly say I'm going to run a marathon and I'm always a big advocate of not making an unrealistic resolution because when you don't achieve it you then feel like a failure according to your own metric so have you ever been guilty of that Leanne have you ever set yourself an improbable New Year's resolution? Yes I tend to set myself unrealistic goals all of the time exactly like you said it ends up making you feel like a failure because you can't get through it it's something that I feel really strongly about as well especially

at the start of a fitness journey and again it's something that I really like to talk about but if you set achievable goals that feel good feeling when you achieve those goals allows you to think actually I'm going to start to make those goals a little bit bigger and that's how it works if you set yourself huge goals in the beginning and you don't achieve them it's so easy to give up because you lost your mojo from the very beginning it doesn't mean that you're not doing well you just didn't make it achievable in the beginning and that's something that now my list I'm a very big list maker so my lists have started to be based on things that really need to be done things that can wait so that you have a bit of a clearer idea of the

things you can achieve and it makes you feel good I mean something as simple as just ticking off the things that you know that you can do that you are in control of I think it's very very good for the mind and I will speak a lot about the mind because this year especially I think before you're even thinking about focusing on your fitness I think your mental health should be first and foremost this year, especially. Where does your famous phrase, yes to you, come from? Because it is such a lovely, all-encompassing thing to say when someone is sweating through their at-home workout, feeling like they can't possibly do the next hill climb. through their at-home workout, feeling like they can't possibly do the next hill climb.

So where did it come from? It's something that I just started to say, and I think it's my way of including everybody. So during the last lockdown, my leaderboard grew enormously. The first live from home class that I did, we took our classes to our, mine and my partner, Ben, who's also a Peloton instructor. We had a very small two bed apartment in central London. And the first class that we did from there, we had over 10,000 people in our spare bedroom. And at that point, it's so hard to be able to have that feeling of intimacy, but you want that and you do do and I personally care about every single person that has made the effort to be there and every single person has their different reason why

their different story the different things in life that have got them to that point to being in that class and I want every single person to feel like they should be there that they belong there and that they're doing a great job so for me this yes to you just started to be the catchphrase that I would say that made everybody feel like in that moment, they were doing a great job. And you call sweat a sparkly fitness bubble, which is the best thing ever, because as an incredibly sweaty woman, I really appreciate feeling like I'm actually just coated in glitter yes it's a much nicer way of saying you're really sweating right now yeah

exactly you mentioned there that you're dating your fellow instructor Ben Aldiss now tell us how people found that out because it was during lockdown wasn't it when people recognized the spare room yes I mean as soon as we went into lockdown we had been dating for just over a year before then and we were just enjoying that it was our thing and then lockdown happened and like I said we've actually moved now but we were in in a small two bed apartment and we were trying to take photos in different corners of the apartment. It didn't look like we're in the same place. And then it came to filming live from home classes. And it's the same corner of the same spare room. And the only thing we could do was change the things that were featured on the corner of a shelf that you could see. change the things that were featured on the corner of a shelf that you could see and I think we knew and we did change it for every class then we'd have different things

I would have different things and we knew people would notice but it actually it became quite funny that we were changing it and I think people enjoyed that they were onto us in a very kind way it was very sweet I will get onto your failures in just a second, but your classes are also brilliant because of your music choice. And we're going to chat a bit about the fact that your background is in professional dancing. But if you, Leanne Hainsby, were a piece of music, what track would you choose? Oh, that is such a good question. It would probably be, and this is because I was listening to it this morning, chic, everybody dance, because disco music is the music that makes you want to get up and dance. I will always get up and dance at any given moment. And disco, sparkly, I think that's me.

Chic, everybody dance. Love it. And by the way Elizabeth that would be different every single day that song sometimes it would be like a rock song but I think that is the one okay brilliant thank you so thank you so much for your thank you yes you know most people get asked what their karaoke track would be but I like to think like who would embody you let's talk about your failures now. Thank you so much for sending them in. So your first failure, which I think so many people are going to relate to, is your failure to see yourself beyond your problematic skin. So tell us about that. I mean,

your skin is flawless as far as I'm concerned now, but it wasn't always like that so tell us about your journey so as long as I can remember I had terrible skin and I think now that my skin and I've worked really hard to get it to where it is now it's probably hard to believe that it was as terrible as it was but all through my teenage years all through my 20s I'm 33 now and I went on to medication and to Roaccutane a about eight months ago and that's what helped my skin that is no easy route and I really do want to be very honest about that there are quite big side effects with that mental health being one of them and I think unless it really is your last option you know I always wanted to be very open about the fact that to get to this point with my skin the Roaccutane really did play with my mental health but I was at the

point where I really felt so low before that it was worth it for me going back to my teenage years I would put so much makeup on every single day the second I woke up in the morning I would be touching my face could I feel any new bumps immediately look at myself in the mirror never see anything no features nothing apart from my skin and then I would sit there and I would be late for everything because I'd be plastering on the makeup I would always have concealer and powder in my pocket ready to quickly cover with something up always picking, always very red. Going into a dance career for me was the best career I could have gone into because most of the time I'd be in stage makeup. So I would be more than happy to have a face full of makeup because I felt like it covered me.

And I avoided eye contact with people. I apologized when I saw people. I remember apologizing to my friends for years. You know, I could meet them, have a fabulous time with them, have a lovely outfit on. And all of this sounds very trivial now. But at the time, I would just say, oh, sorry about my skin. It's really, really bad. To look back and think about

that now I'm like god there was so many other things going on that was so much more important than that but I couldn't see past it I felt that when people looked at me they were only looking at my skin and I would say that to people stop looking at my skin stop looking at my skin and this carried on until I actually started at Peloton, and by then my skin was a little bit better. For me, it was very hormonal, so things that happened in life, it would flare up, it would calm down, it would flare up, it would calm down, but when it got to the point when we could have members in the studio, we used to do a meet and greet after, which was lovely, because people fly in from all over the world to come and take the classes so to be able to meet them after and congratulate them on a milestone or just

to connect with some of the members which is such a huge part of the job for me I would feel like the members were looking at my skin and I would be a disappointment to them that I wasn't this perfect thing that they were seeing on the camera and I would cry sometimes before meeting the members after knowing that I'd just given them an experience that they loved for me that was taken away by the fact that they'd then have to see the real me and so I thought this really has to stop it has to stop so that's when I finally went on to Roaccutane I always knew that it was a final step for me because it is quite invasive but the change since then has been so dramatic like the weirdest thing for me now is I don't even think about my skin

I can't believe that people have gone through life not thinking about their skin when it was the thing that really held me back for so many years you poor thing and you said there it sounds so trivial it doesn't sound trivial at all I had a patch of having bad skin when I was at university I got through all my teenage years it was fine and then suddenly it kind of cropped up and I remember that feeling of waking up in the morning and not knowing what you were going to see and how distressing that is and I totally get that thing of like going out seeing your friends worrying that your makeup was sweating off or that you needed to like touch it up so that people wouldn't be focusing on that one bit of you when you've got so much more to

offer and to live with that for years and years and years especially when you're a teenager must have been so hard was there anyone teasing or bullying you about your skin or was it all internal insecurity funnily enough most of my friends would say and everybody says this everybody says it's never as bad as you think it is but at the time you're so far removed from that place because all you can see all you can think about is your skin you can't see beyond that you can't think oh I look quite nice today you're like okay in this light you can't see the bumps in this light oh it looks quite nice there and then you get to social

media and you put filters on and nobody looks like how they actually look and it's dangerous and it's something now that I refuse to do unless it's a really silly filter that is you know so far removed from me and maybe it gives me the feeling of having a little sparkly fitness bubble, which that one I am into. But I'm very strict about no filters that make me look like I've got perfect skin because it's unrealistic and it's really damaging, especially if you're somebody who grew up not having that skin and you think that everybody looks perfect apart from you. Yeah, good for you. Do you think it taught you something that period of your life? Because I'm going to embarrass you a bit now, but you are an astonishingly beautiful woman. And I'm sure you probably don't think you are, because you had those years of not feeling that. And I believe that that's part of what makes you special, is that you have such a degree of empathy for others that you can sense even through a video screen.

Do you think that those years of feeling unattractive have taught you something important? Yes, I think so many people would probably be shocked to know that that's how I felt for so many years because I don't think I gave off that impression I think I am quite a confident person and I always think that I've been able to see past the feelings that have held me back I've always been able to find a positive out of these situations I think looking back now it enabled me to be relatable I think one of my strong points now is the fact that I do have empathy with people I am relatable and I think that comes from knowing that everybody has their thing even if they come across as really confident even if they come across as if they're totally fine everybody has their thing and it's a great reminder to always be kind because even the most confident people may be feeling deeply unhappy because they think that they have terrible skin or whatever their thing is.

given me now which is being able to really know that everybody deserves to be treated with kindness because everybody is going through something whether it's trivial whether it's really important to them or whether it's life-changing everybody has their thing and if you can be open enough to then treat people with respect and kindness and try to make people feel good which is something that I try to do every single day I want to make people feel as good as they deserve to feel because I know what it's like when you don't feel like that so that's a massive thing that I've learned from bad skin over the years I mean I love you that's just such an amazing answer oh I love you no no I love you Leanne okay we've got to stop um um but you mentioned that you went on Roaccutane and that there were side effects do you mind me asking about those side effects because if you were being a Peloton instructor during the time that you were

taking it and you were feeling really low that must have been a very hard thing to handle yes I started Roaccutane at pretty much exactly the same time that we went into the first lockdown so some of the side effects and there's quite a few for Roaccutane it can be from having dry lips which is a kind of real minor side effect that I had and then going up to feeling really quite down and every month I would check in with my dermatologist to assess how I was feeling mentally because that's something that can be really affected and at first when I started to feel down so I did a six month course about three months in I started to feel a little bit off but we were in a global pandemic everyone felt a little you know off so I put it down to that and then I started to realize that the only kind of sparkly moment in my day was when I was teaching my classes and other than that it was

very difficult for me to feel happy or it was a struggle to even feel kind of level so I did come off the medication slightly earlier the funny thing is I've always been quite used to a real up and down life as a dancer you have moments of huge highs on stage and then lots of moments of low when you're either not working or you're spending hours on a tour bus or you haven't been paid from something so coming into a job like peloton where you have moments of high and wanting to give all of your energy to people on the bike and then maybe not feeling like that off of the bike is something that isn't that unfamiliar to me but it is something that in my 30s compared to my 20s that I'm not really willing for that to be how I want to live anymore. So for me, I came off of the medication because I don't want my classes to be the only sparkly moment in my day.

I want to feel like that as much of the day as I can. And that's not to say that I'm unrealistic and I and I live in this sparkly little bubble you know I'm very open about life not always being like that but I do think that the pursuit for perfect skin isn't worth not feeling great in the mind yeah but we found a happy medium a lot along the way and I just feel so happy I have to say this I get so many messages from parents saying how lovely it is and it's always a weird one to say this because I always feel funny when I'm saying something good about myself I'm not sure why but I think to know that parents think that I'm a good role model for their children because I don't have a ton of makeup on now or I'm doing something that they

would love to see their children doing that for me is one of makeup on now or I'm doing something that they would love to see their children doing that for me is one of the biggest compliments that I could get to make young adults or teenagers or children feel good about themselves and feel like they have somebody to look up to amazing I find it very intriguing that you find it difficult to say nice things about yourself but we'll get on to that Leanne don you worry. Just tell us quickly about your dance career, because you danced with some really major music stars, didn't you? I did, yes. I had a really fab, successful career as a professional dancer, and I worked mostly in TV and pop tours. Over the years, I was a very, very featured reunion dancer,

which basically means that when Steps came back, S Club 7 came back, a lot of the 90s boy bands and girl bands came back. I was always on that tour and that was a dream come true. I mean, being in rehearsals learning choreography for routines that I would have stood in front of the mirror as a child learning was always quite embarrassing because it was like I already know this routine but those were fab but then I mean I did stuff with Robbie Williams Kylie Minogue take that Taylor Swift One Direction which is you know

always what yeah yeah always such a big one Annie Lennox Paul McCartney I did Girls Aloud tour just their final tour before they went their separate ways and I just feel like it was everything I wanted it to be to be honest looking back now I am so grateful for the opportunities I had I traveled the world I did you know pretty much everything that I wanted to do and at the time you don't think about that you're so in this bubble of being self-employed so as amazing as the job is you're always chasing that next job you very rarely have time to stop and reflect and look at what you've done. But now that I'm not dancing anymore, I do look back and I think, God, that was incredible.

I mean, I started dancing at three, went to the Royal Ballet as a junior associate from the age of nine to 12, went to a performing arts college from 17 to 19 and then had 11, 12 year career. 17 to 19 and then had 11 12 year career so I'm very lucky and grateful to have had a career in what was my passion dancing was all I ever knew it wasn't like what do you think you're going to be when you're older it was like no I am going to be a dancer and to be able to be in a job now that I love equally I never thought that would happen I couldn't see beyond you know I thought oh at 30 I'm never going to do anything ever again that's, I never thought that would happen. I couldn't see beyond, you know, I thought, oh, at 30, I'm never going to do anything ever again. That's what I honestly thought. And is it your experience with me, I tend to find that when I do celebrity interviews, the bigger the celebrity and the longer they've been doing it, they tend to be the nicest ones.

It's the ones who are sort of starting out who can be a bit sort of dodgy and media trained to within an inch of their lives has that been your experience like you've mentioned some huge names there who was the nicest of anyone you've ever worked with I mean you probably won't want to say because you're too nice yourself but I'm gonna ask you anyway who was the nicest so one thing that I never ever forget, very early on in my dance career, I did a music video for Paul McCartney, Sir Paul McCartney. And in between takes, I mean, video shoots end up being a really, really long day. They're great, but they're long day. You're looking at 12 to 14 hours and more. And in between one of the takes, we could hear some music. And Paul McCartney was

in the corner with his guitar, just singing away, very low key, doing his own thing. And you're like, oh, my God, we're just basically having a private gig with Paul McCartney. This is absolutely incredible. You're totally right. The longer that people have done it, incredible you're totally right the longer that people have done it the kinder they seem to be I think anybody that got into the business or the industry before social media really took a very strong hold tends to always be the most down-to-earth actually a lot of the artists that I worked with over the years I mean take that were always incredibly incredibly kind steps I absolutely love Kylie Minogue I only worked with her a couple of times actually and once I wore what was a wig as shoulder pads which was very very fun hot pink wig as

shoulder pads and my microphone got caught onto the shoulder pad and I pulled it over so I mean that's where that story and that was not my finest moment working with Kylie but there we go I always favoured working with somebody that had been in the industry longer I also think that they have at times better artistry and also a love for what they're doing as opposed to a love for the fame I feel like the fame came with what they loved doing you know as opposed to just wanting to do it to be famous for 15 minutes and as a dancer I'm guessing that you have to get used to receiving criticism I mean especially as an associate at Royal Ballet how difficult is that looking back now you can't believe that for example an audition process may be an eight hour this isn't all the

time but this was definitely some of our auditions along the way an eight hour day where you obviously make yourself in the morning look as good as you can look you're really looking the best that you can look you're dancing your socks off you're giving your heart for somebody to sometimes tap you on the shoulder and say thank you and that can be in front of all of your friends in front of people that sometimes look up to you and you learn to develop such a thick skin and actually you do learn to understand and appreciate that sometimes you're not right for that job if somebody needed a five foot seven blonde haired girl it would be me or you know I know that I would have a chance but if they didn't want that then you just start to accept that you're not going to get everything. I think it comes with its pros and cons.

You learn to sometimes not take things so personally. It's such a tricky one. At the time, you really don't give much to it. You mentally move straight on to the next job. Okay, what's the next audition? And I think the older you get, the audition processes became slightly kinder because you would have worked with people slightly more over the years but it's definitely tough it's definitely a very tough industry and I think the moments that people see are you know your x-factor moments or backing dancers on tours where it looks so

brilliant and the outfits are great and the lights and the music. And you think, oh, that just looks so great. Like with everything, there is so much that goes on behind the scenes that get people to that moment. And those moments behind the scenes are sometimes really tough on people. And not everyone can handle that. The audition process has changed a lot over the years. But when I first started, it was was definitely tough definitely a tough process and do you think given what you said earlier about you find it uncomfortable saying nice things about yourself that people have messaged you do you think that's partly why because you've had to get so used to being neutral about feedback whether positive or negative and kind of moving on yeah and I also

feel like I spent my life as a backing dancer so I was never the person who received the praise or the compliments I was always dancing for that person or behind that person so for the feedback to come directly to me I really appreciate it I listen to it wholeheartedly I do my best to connect with people and thank them for being so kind I don't know it just makes me clam up a little bit I just can't believe that people are that kind and that people feel like that about me and I'm not sure why I feel like that to be honest the longer I do this job the more I understand it I just love to be on a level with people so yeah I just really wish that I could tell every single person that is so lovely

to me just how much they change my life as well and it's impossible to do that with the amount of messages but that is something that for every person that says something nice that builds my confidence slightly more and that's something I'll never builds my confidence slightly more. And that's something I'll never take for granted. Oh, Leanne. Well, the thing is, is like, the reason you're loved is because of exactly how you are, if that makes sense. So the fact that you are so rooted, and you don't feel better than anyone else. And the way you've just expressed that is is really beautiful and it leads us on to I think your second failure which is such a big one and again I related so hard to this your failure to value yourself enough in a relationship so this is prior to Ben but talk us through your

relationship history and your experiences in that sphere when I'm talking about that it's probably well it is two relationships that I had prior to being with Ben who is just everything I could have wanted without that sounding really cringy and he will not believe that I've said that but oh you guys he's such a decent man you can tell you can tell on Instagram anyway carry on sorry I had a really terrible breakup in my mid-20s and without going into a huge amount of detail because this could be a different episode in itself I mean it crossed over with a very close friend of mine which then really damages trust in so many different areas of your life and your being and I really pride myself on being a very good friend and I think my mum has always

said to me to have good friends you have to be a good friend and I've always made sure that I try to be the best friend that I can be to the people that I love and adore and that you know are very close to me so to have a relationship that broke down and crossed into a friendship group was really really difficult for me and I don't think that I healed from that relationship enough before I went into another relationship and I think that tends to be maybe what happens sometimes and I definitely did go from relationship to relationship and I think looking back now it's because I didn't value myself enough. My past relationship before Ben was I lost so much confidence. It was the same pattern that used to happen over and over again.

And every time it happened, you lose a little bit more of yourself. And then you feel like you've spoken to your friends so much about it, and you're going to bore them if you say it again. And then you feel so, and this was something that was so true to my life, you spend so much time feeling unhappy and trapped and like you can't believe you're in a relationship like this, that when you see your friend, you want it to be your happy time. So you don't want to sit there and say, listen, I'm really unhappy. This isn't working.

Sometimes you do, but sometimes you want to forget and have a good time and just cherish those moments of feeling free and happy. And for me, I knew I needed change. And I knew, you know, it's that thing that people say, it doesn't have to be this hard. And that's something that I'm sure so many people have been in you try to make it work people give you their opinion and you're like yeah but yeah but and actually maybe it's because you don't want to see it I used to think I can't believe I mean it's so funny now that just before 30 I really was thinking I'm too old to start again I can't do this again and now you

know I'm 33 and I'm like I feel like it's all just beginning to be honest but at that point I really had such low confidence that I was like I can't do this again and for me the huge turning point was knowing that I needed change but having no energy and no confidence to know what that change would mean and then that's when Peloton came around so for me I really really wanted the job because I wanted to be financially secure and I wanted to have something that was mine that was a fresh start and when people say that Peloton changed their lives I'm so on that bandwagon like it completely changed everything for me and now I look back and I almost the only time I really feel sad is when I think I can't believe that I allowed myself to be treated how

I did I can't believe that I wasted so much time and wasted so much advice that was given to me that I didn't take but you you know like with so many things like with people that are smoking or doing whatever nothing changes unless you want it to so the second that I thought I don't want to do this anymore that's when everything changed but I think you know a lot of people know me now from a really happy healthy relationship with Ben and I like to be very open about my past that wasn't always the case for me and I think that was something that changed my life so so massively and why I also feel very caring and empathetic towards people that are going through similar things because I know there is something so great on the other side if you're willing to go through the journey of a breakup

which is never easy but so worth it I could not agree more and many of my experiences sound quite similar to yours in terms of spending time in a series of long-term monogamous relationships throughout my 20s so that I was like I wasn't single from the age of 19 to 36 I was like with someone and I think you're so right when you say like you're grateful for it now but you I wish I'd learned the lessons more quickly but yeah by the same token I met the love of my life age 39 when I felt like I just don't have the energy to go through this again I really don't and yeah now I'm engaged to the most decent amazing man I know I love and I know he's amazing he's better than I am at Peloton which is super annoying but I try not to dwell on it um better than I am as well but you know I don't dwell on that either

okay fine fine but I think it's so important for people to hear that it's never too late to change your life. But tell me, so I don't want you to go into detail. But when you said that relationship in your mid 20s crossed over with a friendship group, was it that your ex then moved on with a friend of yours? Yeah. And whilst we were together as well, and it felt like my world collapsed. Andnily enough we were all dancers and it was during the olympics closing ceremonies in london 2012 which was one of the best experiences of my life hands down there were a core group of dancers that did some incredible performances with so many incredible artists and stars and it was the absolute highlight of my dance career but at the same time I had an ex-boyfriend and one of my very close friends on the same job and to be able to deal with that in your mid-20s is incredibly tough

and embarrassing it felt really yeah embarrassing at the time and to look back now there's nothing to be embarrassed about but that's the thing about hindsight it's so easy to look back and to see a situation for for what it is but at the time you really can't see that and I think the best advice that I could give now is that in those situations when you can't see it you have to listen to your friends and the people that are close to you because they care about you they are telling you and giving you advice based on looking from the outside in and if you don't take that advice nothing changes if you do trust the people that love you that are wanting the best for you then I think it's slightly easier

to navigate through situations like that I had a partner that was so emotionally and mentally damaging to me and I think when you're making excuses for the things that people are saying and you're sat at dinner and you're laughing off your partner's stories or words about you and go oh you know that you know that just happened now you want to be like look at me now I told you that I didn't need you and that's such a great feeling and I always think of my family and friends will always say this is that the good people always come out on top and if you know that you're a good person then you just have to keep moving in the direction that you think is right for you. Totally.

You've got to be brave. You have to be brave. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. And I'm so glad you are where you are now. Do you think, I mean, this was certainly my experience, that I think a lot of women end up being people pleasers and outsourcing their sense of self to what someone else wants because that's how they gain self-worth and because you were saying there that beforehand you were a backing dancer so it was always very much that you're doing things for other people professionally do you think that happened personally as well in your romantic relationships yeah absolutely I put my partner's feelings and dreams and whatever they wanted to do on such a pedestal compared to what I wanted to do I always thought it was so amazing like oh isn't my partner amazing but

I never felt like that about myself and I think that looking back at those relationships now I'm such a perfectionist and it's something that I'm really trying to work on as I get older because let's be honest perfection doesn't exist but in my 20s I really I wanted to look maybe from the outside we looked like a great couple and I really wanted to keep that facade up I think because I didn't want anything to go wrong I don't know whether that's related to being a people pleaser or just the fact that I wanted everything to be in its place everything needed to be perfect I just had this idea that you have to make things work I don't know why that is I don't know whether because that's what we see

you think oh you get with somebody in your mid-20s and then you stay with them you get married you have babies you do this and it's like that what we perceive sometimes as being the normal and it's not it's not the normal that's not how it happens it's okay if it doesn't happen like that and I think if I had felt that way in my 20s I would have left some relationships a lot sooner. The idea of how I should be living, that was what I focused on as opposed to what I actually wanted. You know, it makes so much sense. And people say to me now, oh, you're 33, you're thinking about children or this or that. And of course I am.

But the reality is that hasn't happened for me yet because I was in a really unhappy relationship and if I followed what everybody else thinks is the right way to be I would not be doing Peloton I would be desperately unhappy but maybe to the outside in I would have life as it's supposed to be in other people's eyes and you know it's when they say they well who is they who are we trying to prove other than really ourselves yeah and what do you think is the key to a good relationship now for you I mean laughter yeah for me it's laughter Ben and I laugh every day and I went many years without laughing many many years laughing. I think communication is a huge thing. I mean, we've just moved into a new house and we are having to compromise and communicate on things. And it is challenging at times.

I think something that's very healthy for me and Ben is that we have our own brand and our own direction in terms of work which means we both have our own things going on which I think is very very important to still have your own life one it gives you something to talk about two it's not that I think you should know that you're always going to be okay on your own but I don't think that's a bad thing either to be so confident in yourself that you're not relying on everything from your partner in order to be happy. Even if that's a hobby, it doesn't have to be a job or anything. It can be a hobby. It can be something that you have that gives you happiness as you on your own as a person.

And if you can find those things, if you can then bring that to your relationship it's hopefully a recipe for happiness I mean it's hilarious to me that I'm doing this and even talking about relationships because up until Ben I mean I have failed at every single relationship the one thing that I've always taken away and that I say to my friends now is that if it feels hard and you have moments where you're like why does it feel so hard chances are it's probably not right I mean you will go through really tough times with your partner and you have to know that you're with the person that you want to do that with the good times are great but you have to know that you're with somebody that when it gets really really tough

and life is hard and it will get hard that's still the person that you want to spend your time with and you want to work through those things with. Exactly. And someone that you're not scared of being honest with. I think it sounds so obvious, but honestly, it's taken me a lifetime to learn that, that I should not feel afraid to express what I'm feeling to the person I'm spending my life with. And I really did for a long time. But I actually think that you are perfectly placed to give advice because as I always say, failure is data acquisition. So the fact that you failed in past relationships means that you've learned so much that it's very kind of you to share. But I am aware that we're running out of time ironically because your third failure is your failure to be on time which

must be quite tricky given that you're like you've got scheduled classes you've got like five classes to teach a week so are you actually really badly late oh so this is the one that probably all my friends and family are waiting for and they're like here we go I am either so OCD with time or I am terrible and when it comes to work I panic so much about time that I'm always early so when we put together a class we basically write up notes which give all the timings of when we want to do certain intervals and stuff, which goes to the production team, I guess, that are production technicians that basically cut the classes to turn them into the classes that they are. So there's a lot that goes on behind the scenes for a class. We don't just jump on the bike and give it a go. You know, it's very thought bike and give it a go you know it's very thought about and it's a very intricate process structured yeah very structured

and I am always you know that's always on always in on time when it comes to my personal life I have spent the last 33 years or let's say 30 years basically apologizing for being late and I think it's terrible I mean honestly in my dance career it became a running joke I mean there's two types of people there's my best friend Danielle who if rehearsals start at 10 a.m she is there at 9 30 she's making a cup of tea she's relaxing she's having a chat and then there's me who runs in at two minutes to 10 still tries to make that cup of tea chucks my bags down in a mess sweating already I mean I don't know what it is I mean I drive Ben mad he's like why are you still getting ready we were supposed to leave 10 minutes ago and I'm like I don't know where the time's gone and I

have spent my whole adult life saying I'm not sure where the time has gone so it is something that in my professional life I mean as a dancer I was always late for Peloton I can't be late I mean there is nothing like live classes to make sure you are on time but in my personal life it still needs a lot of work but I was on time for this wasn't I you were so on time you were so on time it's so funny listening to you because I'm the opposite in that naturally I'm so ridiculously punctual that I end up being early and people get offended that I'm early because then I've been waiting and now I've tried to factor in other people's lateness and therefore not make them feel bad for being

late when I'm early and so now I always run slightly late as well because I think it's more socially acceptable it is socially acceptable but then you know you read everywhere that when you're late it means you're not respecting people's time and it's like no no no I do I just don't know where the time goes. After lockdown is finally over and we have a vaccine and we are allowed to go out and meet people again and you and I meet for the first time, you can be as late as you want, Leanne Hamesby, because I will wait for a lifetime

just to have a cocktail with you. It has been so lovely to get to talk to you for this beautiful hour. And I cannot thank you enough, not only for what you do on the bike, but who you are off the bike. You inspire me every day. And I know that you would have inspired loads of listeners as well. So thank you so, so much for coming on How to Fail. Thank you so much.

I've had such a lovely time. And for anybody listening, please take the pressure off of yourselves you're doing an amazing job and just do what feels right for you so if that changes people's days then fab if you enjoyed this episode of how to fail with Elizabeth Day, I would so appreciate it if you could rate, review and subscribe. Apparently, it helps other people know that we exist.