How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - 10 Flirty Questions to Ask Women When You Approach

Starting point is 00:00:00 And at one point she even said, and I quote, yes, they're real. Here, touch them. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and attract a great girlfriend all by being really fake and a creepy pickup artist. Just kidding. Just kidding. It's all

Starting point is 00:00:31 about being authentic, being genuine, because that's what works. And I want to ask you a question. Do you want to flirt with women and ask them some flirty, fun questions, but you're just not sure what to ask, what to say, especially when you've just walked up and started speaking to a woman in a venue like a bar or a lounge or a night spot or a restaurant or happy hour. Well, today's episode, me mouth not work good. Today's episode, I'm going to give you 10 flirty questions that you can ask when you're just walking up to and approaching a woman, breaking that ice for the first time. If you've never met her before, I'm going to give you 10 flirty questions, 10 flirty things to ask her. And I'm

Starting point is 00:01:26 also going to help you do this in a way that's not going to get you stuck in dreaded interview mode. I'll also talk about why and how interview mode happens and how to ask questions in a way that's not like you're interrogating her. So let's do it. Let's do it. Let's get right to it. 10 flirty questions to ask women when you've approached in a think bar, club, lounge, maybe happy hour. Here we go. I'm gonna give you 10 questions. And notice as I go, these are not just 10 random questions I've thrown together. I'm actually giving you a cascading, maybe escalating is a better term, an escalating series of things to ask that help you get toward a great outcome, like a phone number or a date that you both agree on. So I'm not saying you have to ask all 10. I am saying, however, that notice how we're going from more G-rated and friendly

Starting point is 00:02:26 to more flirty and leading toward a date or a phone number. So here we go. Flirty question number one, when you just walked up to her at a bar or a club or a lounge, is you can start, literally the first thing you say is flirty question number one, which is, oh, hey there, are you fun or are you boring? This is a great flirty question to ask as your opener. Why? Well, it challenges her. It subtly lets her know that you want to hang out with somebody who's fun, that you're not

Starting point is 00:03:02 looking for a boring person to hang out with, that you're looking for somebody to have fun to hang out with. In this sense, you're a really good message that you are not there to be needy, to entertain her. You're there to see if she's up for fun. And that's a good frame to come from. It makes you seem like you are selective. You're trying to find somebody who you'll enjoy and they will enjoy you. Now, what I also like about this question as an approaching opener is that it's a very simple question and it gives her a very simple choice. She's either gonna say, oh, I'm fun,

Starting point is 00:03:38 or she might even say, oh, I'm actually really boring. Either answer is great for you. Here's what you can do to handle it if she says oh i'm fun then you can say tell me how show me how how do i know you're a fun person now you've got her in a very playful way you've got her jumping through some fun hoops for you as opposed to what can happen to a lot of guys when they approach a woman is you feel like you're trying to win her over get jumping through her hoops trying to show her you're good enough and it's a much better uh strategy to get her jumping through one or two

Starting point is 00:04:21 of your hoops by the way we're doing this, good intentions. We're not doing this as some kind of manipulative thing. It's more about how you're putting a social frame out there that paints you in an attractive light. So basically your vibe is here I am, entertain me. And that's something very different. Women don't get that very often. Anyway, if she says I'm fun, you can say, well, show me, how are you fun? Or tell me. And that's something very different. Women don't get that very often. Anyway, if she says I'm fun, you can say, well, show me, how are you fun? Or tell me. And then, however, if she says, oh, I'm boring, then you can tease her. You can say, oh, damn it. Why are all the cute girls boring? That's okay. I can be, I can be exciting enough for both of us. I'll try my best to carry your load. And that's also a really good thing to

Starting point is 00:05:05 say in those first 10, 20 seconds of getting an approach to hook and have her wanting to keep talking to you. Okay. Flirty question number two to ask when you approach, you ask her, do you know what's very interesting about you? This is a great approach opener. And it's helpful because what you're doing is giving her a piece of clickbait in real life, in real time. You're basically saying there's something interesting about you. And you're also subtly saying, and I'm the one who has the answer. Everybody in the world wants to be interesting and want to seem interesting at least to certain people and so you're creating a an instant moment of well what tell me what's

Starting point is 00:05:52 interesting about me you're sparking her curiosity and you're also making yourself the key to answer the question how is she interesting now in terms of what to say next you're probably asking asking, well, a couple options here. One option is you can create sort of a universal answer that you can say to almost any woman. Put it in your back pocket. If you can't think of anything genuinely interesting about her, you can say, well, you carry yourself with a lot of confidence. Or you just seem like you have a very adventurous vibe. Most women here don't seem adventurous, but you do.

Starting point is 00:06:29 I'm going to read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching.

Starting point is 00:06:45 You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you.

Starting point is 00:07:09 On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence,

Starting point is 00:07:46 better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. Now those are basically boilerplate one size fits all statements. I'm not a big fan at all of scripted planned content. I'd much rather

Starting point is 00:08:12 you just get real, get present, get in the moment and let it come out of the moment because that's what's going to bring out your most authentic and attractive side. But if you can't think of anything else, you can use one of those answers. Also, what I love to do is say your interesting opener, and then I have no idea what I'm going to say to justify it. And that's really fun. It's kind of like walking on a high wire. It can make you feel a little bit dangerous, but in an exciting way. So feel free to test that out. Walk up. Hey, you know what's really interesting about you, miss? What? What's interesting? And then your brain is going to figure it out. This is something I learned from taking improv classes. You go up there on stage. You don't know what you're going to say, but you're going to figure it out once the audience

Starting point is 00:08:59 is paying attention to you. And you're going to figure something out when she's paying attention to you. Give that a try. Okay. Flirty question number three to ask a woman when you approach. Here's another good opening line. I need a woman's opinion. What do you think of my style? And then you might ask her about your leather jacket or the shirt you're wearing or your shoes. This is a really good icebreaker because almost every woman out in the world wants to be an expert in something like style, clothes. I'm sure she puts a lot of time and effort into her style and you can be darn well sure she notices what men wear and she notices good style and bad style. So you could ask her a genuine question

Starting point is 00:09:45 that makes her an expert on your style. And this can lead to a great flirtatious comment because she might then give you a compliment on your awesome outfit, your shirt, your shoes, your cool belt, or get ready. She might give you some real feedback and say, well, I don't know about those khaki pants, dude. I'm not really loving those khakis. And she might give you some real feedback and say, well, I don't know about those khaki pants, dude. I'm not really

Starting point is 00:10:05 loving those khakis. And she might give you some real feedback, which can actually help you style-wise. But most importantly, you've done the most important thing that an opener is designed to do. You have started a conversation with a woman who you had not previously known, and that's an A+. That is a big win. Okay, flirty question number four. When you have approached a woman, after you break the ice and you're chatting for a minute or two, get her name and then ask her what's the story behind your name? Her first name is her favorite name in the world. It's her favorite word in the world. Everybody feels that way. We all love the sound of our first name.

Starting point is 00:10:50 She's going to like talking about her name. And this is a great thing to keep the conversation going in an area that she's interested in. I was out recently with my client last weekend in New York City. And he met a really cool, cute girl. And her name is Faith. And he asked her, because I told him to, "'Hey, what's the story behind your name?' And she lit up, she smiled. And she told this great story to my client

Starting point is 00:11:15 about how her parents are big George Michael fans. And she was named after the George Michael song, Faith. And I was literally standing by him, listening to this. And I leaned in and whispered in her ear, sorry, whispered in his ear. I said, tell her that it's a good thing that you weren't named. I want your sex. Another George Michael song. And then he said, oh, it's a good thing you weren't named. I want your sex. And she busted out laughing. So think about this. In two minutes, he had gone from, hey, how's your night? To joking about her name being called, I want your sex. And she was laughing her butt off. And they were having a great conversation, a great flirty conversation.

Starting point is 00:12:00 All right, flirty question number five. When you have just approached a woman, ask the question, who are you here with? Slash, how do you know each other? This is not a flirty question per se, but it is so important because you need to understand the dynamics, the logistical dynamics of the person or people she's with so you know then how much you can or cannot flirt you need to know if the woman she's with is her friend or her roommate or her sister or her girlfriend you need to know if there's a guy in the mix you need to know if he is a boyfriend a brother a gay friend a random dude she just met so you always want to ask every woman who you just met and approached, you want to ask her, who are you here with? Slash, how do you know each other? Because this gives you valuable intel. Here's a quick story to show you how incredibly valuable this can be. I was once out with my client, James, and James and I were in a rooftop bar in New York City. And James and I were on a rooftop bar in New York City. And James and I started chatting with this beautiful woman in a red dress named Annabella.

Starting point is 00:13:08 Lovely, stylish, cool, smart woman of Latina descent, if I recall. And James was talking to her. The thing is, Annabella was with a man. She was with a very handsome, well-dressed dude. And my client, James and I assumed she and he were a couple. We just assumed, but we didn't know for sure. So James actually didn't even want to approach. And I said, let's talk to them anyway. You never know. And then a few seconds in James says, how do you two know each other? And she said, oh, this is my brother.

Starting point is 00:13:53 Now we're in business. I spoke to the brother. James and Annabella talked to each other. And now I knew that, hey, this was not a boyfriend. This was not a guy who's going to get pissed off, or at least it wasn't a guy who's going to be romantically jealous. It turns out the brother was a great guy, an Iraqi war veteran, a great dude who just told some great stories about being in the service. And he had no problem with his sister chatting up with my client, James. And also, there was one moment when James and Annabella, they were behind me and her brother. In other words, her brother, they had, his back was to them. He could not see them. But I could see them.

Starting point is 00:14:32 And I look behind me and I see that James and Annabella are basically making out. And at one point she even said, and I quote, yes, they're real. Here, touch them. And she takes James's hands and places them on her chest. Again, never do that to a woman unless she invites you to. But my point is, we went from not even approaching that couple potentially because James assumed they were a couple to walking up and saying, hey, how do you guys know each other? And then it turns out he was just a cool dude who was her brother,

Starting point is 00:15:06 and James and Annabella fell in love that night, or at least fell in love for that night. And it all started with making sure we asked that question. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic.

Starting point is 00:15:40 It's all laid out in the number one Amazon bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great-looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback,

Starting point is 00:16:36 Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Okay, flirty question number six when you're approaching this is a two-parter where are you from then let her answer and then oh is it true what they say about girls from place where she's from so for example I walk up to a woman I just did this last week with clients I walked up to a woman. I just did this last week with clients. I walked up to a woman. I'm doing some demonstration approaches. Oh, hey, what's going on?

Starting point is 00:17:10 Blah, blah, blah. Hey, where are you from? She said, oh, I'm from New Jersey. And I said, oh, is it true what they say about girls from New Jersey? And she said, what? What do they say? And then I said, oh, I knew it. That proves it to me.

Starting point is 00:17:24 It is true what they say about girls from Jersey. And she said, tell me, what do you mean? And this is a fun question to ask early in an approach where you're taking a common to it by making a fun stereotype or a fun assumption about what that means. The bottom line is, I don't know what they say about girls from Jersey. Who knows? Maybe they have big hair. They all love Jersey Shore. They all have tattoos of Springsteen on their lower back. I don't know. Every Jersey girl's got her own story. But what you want to do with this is just know that you can ask a kind of a seemingly boring, get to know you question, like, where are you from? And then after she answers, you can spice it up with, is it true what they say about girls from blank? And then if she says, what, what do they say? Which she will, you're creating curiosity,

Starting point is 00:18:26 you're sparking her interest. Then you take her questioning answer as the reason that you know that now you know that it is true what they say. Aha, I knew it. I knew it's true. I could tell. And this makes a woman just kind of get curious and more intrigued about what you're talking about. And then that can make her chase your answer a little bit. So you might have heard like how to get a girl chasing. Well, this is one of those how to get girls chasing moves is you ask her if it's true about what they say about girls from her. Again, whatever her home state is or whatever city she was born in. I usually go with the state.

Starting point is 00:19:09 Like, oh, where are you from? Where'd you grow up? And she'll say usually the state or the city. And I'll be like, oh, no way. Is it true what they say about girls from Texas? What? What do they say? Oh, my God, it is true what they say.

Starting point is 00:19:21 I can't believe it. It is true. You're proving it to me. She's like, what? Tell me. Like, you know, you know. So anyway, you don't even have to tell her what it is. If you can come up with something, that's fine too. If you come up with, oh, well, is it, it's true that you rode a cow every day to school when you were in grade school. That works too, but you don't have to come up with great content. You just have to spark her curiosity. Okay. Flirty question number seven to ask a woman who you've just approached. What do you do for a living? I mean, besides making charming men come and flirt with you.

Starting point is 00:19:57 Boom. This one is great. Remember what we want to do with an approach is you want to make it clear that you're not just, you're not only there just to talk and be friendly, even though that's part of it. You want to let her know that you're flirting with her. You are romantically interested or at least intrigued. And this is a great way to take a boring question and turn it into something a little bit romantically spicy because every guy asks, what do you do for a living? You're going to be the guy who says, hey, what do you do for a living? You're going to be the guy who says, hey, what do you do for a living besides getting charming men like me come talk to you and come flirt with you? And this gives her the gift of clarity. You're letting her know

Starting point is 00:20:39 you're flirting with her, which is nice. Women like having a guy who's confident enough to just put it out there. And also you're then letting her sort of answer in a genuine way and actually learn a little bit about her, like what she does do for a living or what she does for fun besides getting men coming to talk to her. So this is a great question to amp up that flirtatious vibe. Okay. Flirty question number eight to ask after you've approached is what do you love most about your job slash career? What do you love most about it? Again, the secret to flirting or the secret to successfully communicating with women. So much of it is just getting on an emotional wavelength. It's emotional. It's fun. It's playful. There's some motion there as opposed to pure facts and figures and logic. So most men, when they talk to a woman, they might say, how long have you been in

Starting point is 00:21:39 this career? How long have you worked there? What is your job duty? What do you do? But you're not just settling for that. You're saying, what do you love most about it? So this gives her permission and not just permission, you are basically asking her to talk about her work in a positive, emotionally evocative way, rather than just asking a boring question. Bottom line is, before you ask a woman out, we want to know genuinely who she is, at least a little bit of her. She's not going to give you her number. She's not going to go on a date with you, probably, unless she knows that you are a guy who's gotten to know a little bit about the real her. Okay, flirty question number

Starting point is 00:22:22 nine. Are you more of a classy cocktails bar girl or are you more into fun dive bars? I love this question because now you're seeding the idea of get ready for you to ask her out. And you're also getting her to collaborate with you and essentially telling you the kinds of places she actually likes to go and wants to go for a date. And she's going to choose one of these two options. Let's say she goes with the cocktail bar option. Great. Then that leads to the next flirty question, number 10, which is great. Let's go to a

Starting point is 00:23:05 let's well find us a great classy cocktail bar what's your next free night and then you set up the date that way or if she says a cool fun dive bar you say great let's go to a fun dive bar I have a couple great options what's your next free night and then you set up the date that way. Notice the power here in these questions. You are asking her which of these two things she likes to do, but then you're assuming she wants to go out with you. You're saying, when are you free next? As opposed to sheepishly saying, so do you want to go on a date with me? You don't have to if you don't want to, but do you maybe want to? It's like, no, you're assuming she wants to go on a date with

Starting point is 00:23:53 you. If you assume she's attracted to you and you talk that way, you're going to make a lot more women attracted to you because they like how confident, they like how borderline presumptuous you are about her interest in you. And that alone makes her more attracted to you. So those are the 10 flirty questions from literally that first approach to the setting up the date. Go back and listen to this. Did you notice how, again, I escalated here from that simple first opening line all the way to great, let's go on a date. What's your number? So I'm not saying you literally have to ask all 10 of these questions, but notice how we stair stepped one step at a time from, hey, I'm talking to you for the first time to great,

Starting point is 00:24:46 classy cocktail bar drinks. It is. What's your number? When are you free? Boom. Date done. This is how it's done, guys. This is how it is done. All right. In the next episode, we got a lot more flirty questions to get to, and we're going to talk about first dates next time. That's it for today's episode. Remember, your future girlfriend, that dream girl who's going to change your life. She's out there. She already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. Till next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.

How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - 10 Flirty Questions to Ask Women When You Approach

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