How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - 15 Dating Tips in 15 Minutes!

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

We’re breaking the format in this episode as dating coach Connell Barrett knocks out not one, not two, but 15 (!!) quick dating tips in 15 minutes. You’re about to learn…How to confidently approach, how to compliment women on dates, how to send a flirty opener on the apps, how to stop “running out of things to say,” how to get phone numbers the RIGHT way, how to flirt with lots of charm and zero creepiness, and a LOT more.So listen now to get 15 practical tips in 15 hot minutes.FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL, TO LEARN HOW TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN:Apply to Work with Dating Coach Connell Barretthttp://www.datingtransformation.com/contactGET CONNELL’S NO. 1 BESTSELLING GUIDE FOR MEN, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T,” YOUR PRACTICAL GUIDE ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND BY BEING RADICALLY AUTHENTIC: www.amazon.com/Dating-Sucks-but-You-Dont-ebook/dp/B08LDZL3Quotes"Approaching women is NOT creepy, as long as you do it with authenticity and good intentions."Featured in the episodeConnell BarrettFounder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite: https://datingtransformation.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformationChapters00:00 - Introduction02:12 - Flirting Mastery: Immediate Approaches04:31 - Genuine Attraction: Key to Connection05:39 - Standing Out in the Crowd: Authentic Compliments that Elevate Your Charm09:35 - The Art of Persistence: How the 3-Times Rule Facilitates Connection11:52 - Key Strategies for Maintaining Engaging Conversation12:55 - Authenticity: Lower Expectations, Share Stories16:35 - Decoding Women's Signals: Assertive Approaches17:39 - First Interaction: Nervous Yet Cool20:48 - Joining Groups: Attract through Shared Interests24:37 - Conversation Skills: Humor, Wit, and Authenticity27:47 - Free Consultation: Dating Life Transformation28:09 - OutroProduced by Heartcast Mediahttps://www.heartcastmedia.com

Is that a clock sound effect or is that a chipmunk chewing? I can't tell. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and attract an incredible girlfriend and partner, and to do it all with authenticity as your true, real best self.

No sketchy pickup stuff needed. And today is a short but action-packed episode. I'm breaking format here just to do something I think is fun. I thought to myself, you know what? I only have 15 minutes today to chat. So let's do 15 dating tips in 15 minutes. Let the clock start now. Is that a clock sound effect or is that a chipmunk chewing? I can't tell. Anyway, let's get to it. Okay. 15 tips in 15 minutes. Tip number one is do the push-pull. What's the push-pull? Push-pull is a fun, old-school dating coach move where you're talking to a woman and you give her a compliment combined with a little bit of a tease. So for example, she says that she's from, I don't know, Dallas. And you say, oh no, I love girls from Dallas. But you're from the South. So I'll talk slowly. So you give her a little tease and you give her a little bit of a compliment.

Another example of the push-pull would be, this is a generic version, and I'm not a big fan of copy-paste scripted stuff at all. I want you to totally be in the moment with a woman. But an old school scripted one I learned back in the day was you could text a woman on a dating app, for example. You could say, after you've been messaging for a while, you could say, I can't tell. You're either the coolest girl I've matched with in a long time or the weirdest. Just not sure which one. And there's something about a little playful push tease and a genuine real compliment that it's just sort of a fun, surprising combination that tends to land really well with women. Because you're not being a jerk, you're not nagging her, but you're not just totally kissing her butt and only showering her with compliments.

So try the push-pull. Tip number two is an approaching tip. When you go out at night, walk into the venue. If you are out to meet, approach, socialize with women, do not spend the first 20 minutes walking around the venue, getting a drink, hiding in the bathroom. Walk up to the first human female you see as you walk in the venue and just say a quick five, 10 second hello. Hey, what's up? How's your night? Cool. And then leave if you want to. As soon as you walk into a venue, either the venue gets you in your head and gets on top of you or you get on top of the venue. You want to get into action social mode as quickly as possible. So when you're going out to meet women and socialize, as soon as you walk

in that place, talk to the first female human you see. Whether she's beautiful, whether she's not your type, it's totally fine. You just want to get in social mode. Okay. Tip number three here at the three-minute mark, roughly. On a first date, give her what I call a power compliment. What's a power compliment? Tell her something about her is sexy that's not looks related. A quality, a trait, her wit, her presence, her laugh, and mean it. Don't BS. Don't do it purely as a move. Do it because you're authentically, genuinely

expressing yourself. Most guys just fawn over a woman. Oh my God, you're so beautiful. But you don't want to be like other guys. You want to say, sure, you're beautiful, but you know what's really sexy about you, Amy? It's you're so courageous. I can't believe you went to Europe by yourself and backpacked at such a young age. You're such a confident, courageous person. That's really sexy. It's really attractive. Telling her that her traits, her mannerisms, her behavior is sexy and attractive to you, as opposed to just her appearance, that lifts you up into the top 1% of men. And basically it tells her, hey, this guy likes the real me. And that's how we can create a real connection.

Tip number four is stop trying to impress and start trying to express. So think express when talking to women, not impress. There's something magnetic and powerful about an expressive guy who is unfiltered or at least less filtered. And women are generally turned off by men who are clearly trying to impress them. Hey, check out my cool car. This is my job. This is what I make. Don't do that. That's never going to make sparks happen with a woman. They're much more drawn to a guy who's trying to express himself, being really honest, vulnerable, strong, real opinions. Disagree with her if you genuinely disagree with something or express a real, honest, amplified opinion. Stop trying to impress women. Start trying to express your most raw, real, authentic self.

Okay. Tip number five is here's a fun little Friday opener or text message you can send to a woman on a dating app or just a woman you've been texting on Friday. And today's Friday, I think, is when this pod goes up. Text her, excuse me, hold on, clearing my throat. Text her, hey, TGIF, dot, dot, dot, which in your case stands for this girl is fire. And then do a fire emoji. It's a little cheesy, but it's cute. And it's flirtatious. So yeah, do the TGIF, this girl is fire text. I've never had a woman not like that.

I'm going to read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Conal's coaching is right for you.

On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you.

Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. Okay. Tip number six in minute number six is when you're going out to socialize and approach girls, follow the three times rule. That means you can walk up to a woman and if you approach a girl at the beginning of the night and it doesn't go amazingly well, don't feel like you can't talk to her again. You can go up to her three more times. I wouldn't do it right away, but 20 minutes later, half hour later, an hour later, you can always re-approach.

Don't think of it like, oh, I can't talk to her. I've already spoken to her. I go out with my clients all the time here in New York City. I'm their wingman for the weekend. We go out for the weekend and I wingman them up. And sometimes my client will say, I'll point him to a woman I want him to talk to. And he says, no, I can't talk to her. I already went over there. You can go back. You can approach three times. It's not weird. It's not needy. It actually shows persistence. It shows charm. As long as that first interaction, you know, as long as she didn't say, go away. I don't want to talk to you. That I would honor. Otherwise, follow the three times rule. I have been out with clients and the first time my guy went up to a given woman,

it went fine. Nothing amazing. By the second or even the third time, she was a bit more buzzed. He was a bit more buzzed. They connected and then all of a sudden they're kissing or they're planning a date together. So follow the three times rule. Okay. Tip number seven is when talking to a woman, stop asking yourself the question, how can I get her to like me? And start asking yourself a simpler, more empowering question, which is, how can I make her smile? There's something in psychology called the primary question. We're always asking a question that undergirds, if that's a word, that supports the behavior we're involved in. And so often that subtext-based question is,

oh, how do I get her to like me? That's needy and it's not attractive. A much better question is, how can I make her smile? Ask a shitty, to quote Tony Robbins, ask a shitty question, get a shitty answer. Ask a better question, you get a better answer. So ask yourself, how do I make her smile? That'll give you a better answer. Ask a better question, you get a better answer. So ask yourself, how do I make her smile? That'll give you a better answer. Maybe you crack a joke. Maybe you get silly, get playful.

Ask a question, a fun question that you think would amuse her, self-amuse. Ask, how can I make her smile? Okay, tip number eight is don't be a phone number bandit when talking to women. I was just out with my client a couple of days ago. I'll call him Paul. Paul and I were chatting up women. He was doing most of it. And I was his wingman and he was getting lots of phone numbers. He got two or three phone numbers yesterday out on the town, one at Whole Foods, another at a coffee shop. But both times when he got the phone number, he got the digits, and then he said, all right, cool, thanks, bye, and then he left. When you get a woman's phone number, keep talking to her for at least another 30 seconds about something, anything, the weather, her tattoo,

Machu Picchu, anything. Just talk about something else after you put the number in your phone, because you don't want her to feel like getting her phone number was a trophy. That comes across as agenda-driven. You want her to feel like, oh, wow, I had a great conversation with a cool guy. And of course, we exchanged numbers. We were hitting it off. So anyway, after you get that phone number, keep talking for at least another 30 seconds about anything. Or you could simply talk about what you're going to do on your date when you do meet up. That's a great thing to talk about in those last 30 seconds. Oh, hey, Angie, cool. Thanks for the number. Yeah, you know what we should do? Are you a karaoke person? Because I love karaoke. You talk about the date. So talk about something. Don't just bail

after you get the phone number. Tip number nine, when conversing with women, whether it's by text or in person, lower the bar for how good the conversation has to be. Stop trying to feel like you have to say the perfect thing. The reason you run out of things to say is not because you don't know things to say. It's because you set such a high bar for how witty and flirty and cool your lines, your words have to be. So lower the bar for conversation. As long as you're talking about her and about you and you're being genuine and authentic, it's going to be good enough. Okay. Number 10, tip number 10 here in our 15 tips in 15 minutes is tell personal stories. Tell a couple of great personal stories about you, about your life, your past. It could be a

funny anecdote about crazy thing that happened to you when you went traveling once. It could be a story from your past that's sort of vulnerable. My favorite stories are actually stories that make me look like a schmuck back when they happened, but now I'm laughing about them. It shows some self-effacement and that I've grown. So I talk about things like the time I cheated on my Spanish test and almost got suspended in high school because I was a dummy. I talk about pretending to have back spasms in high school so I could get out of taking a math test. I did not have a good high school experience. And I talk about my failed nine-week marriage, why that went wrong. So yeah, tell stories. Stories are powerful ways to give a woman a strong, genuine glimpse into who you are. And it also gives her the green light to share stories about her. Okay. Tip number 11 is follow the rule of one in four. The rule of one in four. What is that?

That means when you're out approaching, especially at night in like a singles type of venue, once you get good at approaching, chatting up women, you're going to find that about one out of three, one out of four women are going to be very interested in you. And maybe two or three out of four are not going to be that interested. So be liberated by this. You don't need to attract every woman. Move toward getting that look of interest and attraction and connection from about one in three, one in four at night. Here's a quick story. I was out with my coach way back when I first got into this many, many years ago. My coach is a guy named Owen. And Owen mentioned this idea of the rule of one in three. He called it the rule of one in three. Basically, we want to be really polarizing, real ourselves. And then two out of three women

won't be into us, but one in three or so can be really into us. And I approached three women standing at a bar here in New York City at a place called the Brass Monkey. Three women at this bar. And I walk up and I say, what's up? You guys look friendly. How's your night going? And these three women laid out in front of me. Woman on the left says, oh, hey, what's up? Nice to meet you. Hey, hi. And she was conversational, but not interested romantically. And then another woman on the far right, I put my hand out to shake her hand. And she said, I am not friendly. She was not in you are cute. I like gingers.

And it was like, whoa, the rule of one in three, one woman not interested, but friendly. Another woman not into me at all. Girl in the middle was like, hey, ginger man, I'm interested. So yeah, understand the rule of one and three, one and four is a real thing and put that into practice. Tip number 12 is this very simple idea that when you're out socializing, approaching women day or night, understand that you might think it's quote unquote creepy to chat up a random woman. But you know what? might think it's quote-unquote creepy to chat up a random woman, but you know what? I think it's a lot creepier to want to do it, but just stare at her and not, or to hover near her. There's just something really beautiful and simple and powerful about committing

to the approach, walking up and just putting your vulnerable authentic cards on the table. I remember walking up to a table of two really cute girls a long time ago at a rooftop bar. And I walked over, I sat down at their table and I said, Hey, what's up? I just want to say hi to you guys. You look cool. And I really committed to it, even though inside I was nervous. And one of the women, really classy, sweet, smart brunette, if I recall, short, short brunette hair. I remember she leaned in or she leaned toward me with her eyes really wide. And she said, Oh my gosh, you just came right up to us and said, hi, do you know what you are? And I said, I was thinking, what? Some kind of weird creep? I said that to myself, but I held my cool. I kept my cool. And I said, well, what do you mean? What am I? She said, you're

normal. You just came right up to us. Thank you. Then she pointed to a different guy sitting at a different table. She said, see that guy over there? He's been staring at us all night and it's creeping us out. Great. That was a great and valuable lesson I learned. So remember, if you're going to go out to meet girls, go up and talk to them unapologetically, full commitment. Don't stare. Don't hover. That's way creepier. It's actually cool and normal to go talk to people when you're out at a bar. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to.

There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. Your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can Confident confidently approach women

and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps

and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Okay, tip number 13. Off the dating path here, just sort of like general self-development, find a passion project. Find something that you love to do, ideally something that's part of a larger tribe. Go and join a volleyball league, take an improv class, join an improv community. In the past, I've done things like bowling leagues. I've done improv. I love improv.

I joined an improv community here in New York City that I'm still part of. I have taken tennis leagues. And you want to follow your passion projects for two or more reasons, two reasons, a minimum. Number one, a guy who's out doing fun things he's passionate about, that makes you a higher value guy. It means that you're out in the world experiencing life and it gives you great things to talk about. Also, if you join, and also very few things are more attractive than a man who's like on his purpose, living a life filled with passion. Also, if you join some kind of activity that's tribe-based, other people are involved, there's a really good chance that you're going to meet some really cool, wonderful women, potentially to date some of them or one of them, and you already will have had something in common.

I'm happy to say I have had a couple of relationships from women I've met through the improv community I've been in. And you can take a class, cooking class, dance classes. There's a good chance you'll be part of a tribe that will allow you to meet some women that way. And that's a very socially attractive and appealing way of meeting women is to be part of the same tribe. You don't even need to approach. You're basically part of the same group. So easy to talk to women that way. Okay, two more. Let's see. Oh, number 14. find emotional commonalities when talking to a woman, either texting or on a date or in a conversation. It's good if you can find having the same things

in common, like, um, yeah, liking the same bands, enjoying the same music, both being into the same things. That's great. Certainly look for those commonalities, but those are more surface level commonalities. Look for deeper emotional commonalities. Find out the deeper emotional ways you feel about life, even if it's a different area. So for example, I was on a date once with a woman who is a big painter. She's a very talented, successful painter. And I've never painted in my whole life. So I said to her, hey, what do you love about painting? How does it make you feel? Basically, what's the deeper emotional resonance is what I was looking for. And she said, oh, well, painting makes me

feel like I'm alive. It makes me feel really creative. And I thought to myself, yeah, I get that. And then I shared with her some things that make me feel creative. Writing, improv, yeah, things like that. Comedy. Now, I couldn't connect with her on painting because I can't paint. But I was able to connect with her on that deeper emotional commonality. And that's actually more powerful in terms of creating an emotional connection with women than just liking the same thing or having gone to the same college. So look for those deeper emotional commonalities, even if you don't share surface-level commonalities. Okay. And let's go with number 15 here.

The last one I'm going to say, let's go with, oh, I like this. Let's go with my favorite sort of marching order for clients in terms of being authentic, which is whatever you're thinking and feeling is what I want you to be saying and doing out meeting women or on a date. Loosen the filter. Don't funnel everything, filter everything through the lens of, is this funny? Is this witty? Am I creating attraction? Let go of all that game stuff. Don't be so in your head with 15 different techniques. There's some really smart people out there who are teaching some bad advice on YouTube, out on the internet. And one of the worst things you can do is get sucked into doing 17 different techniques. Most people teach this stuff wrong. At least most men do. And there are

some exceptions to that, but most men teach this wrong. And the big mistake I see is, oh, do these 19 different techniques, moves, frame control, 77 different techniques and moves. Actually, the best thing to do when you're talking to a woman is get really present and just ask yourself, what am I thinking and feeling right now? And then share that with her, assuming it's not vulgar, too vulgar, and assuming it's not negative. In other words, the idea of being authentic, it's be an open book, not an open wound. And don't be an open pickup book. Don't be a pickup artist book. Be an open book. Share your real true thoughts, personality, jokes, and just literally say what's on your mind. Again, as long as it's not vulgar and as long

as it's coming from a good positive place. It's almost like I'm a big fan of the movie Liar Liar. It's kind of like you want to move toward Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. You want to just be really radically honest and authentic. Maybe not quite as honest as he is where you're saying crazy things, but in that direction. Women love a guy who just speaks from the heart, the gut, says what's on his mind, and it's really attractive. It also just feels good. So yeah, what you're thinking and feeling is what I want you saying and doing and sharing with women. And by you going first, being vulnerable and authentic on dates, you give her the green light to be vulnerable and authentic. You're both getting emotionally real.

And that's when emotional connections can really start to happen. Okay, how'd I do? I think we did this in a little under 18 minutes. Not too bad. 15 tips in 15 minutes. Tell me if you like this or not. This was a blast for me though. If you want to, you know what?

I'm gonna plug something right now. If you are looking for a dating coach and you want to flirt, get confidence, get a great girlfriend, and you don't want to do some sketchy, weird, pickup, toxic, manosphere bullshit, go to my website, datingtransformation.com. You can fill out a form to book a free call with me, and we'll talk, see if potentially we want to be coach and client. No pressure. It's a free call. And you can go to datingtransformation.com to book a free chat with me to see if you

might want to work with me and if I might want to work with you. Okay. Till next time. Remember, your future dream, amazing, incredible girlfriend is already out there and she already likes you. She just needs to meet the authentic you. Until next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation Podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com.

See you next time. Produced by Heartcast Media.