How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - 9 Advanced Dating Moves! Plus: How to Ask for a Number

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

Have you ever been talking to or texting a cool, attractive woman, but you didn’t know how to ask for her number… so you lost out on the date? Or maybe you saw a group of women at a bar, and you wanted to approach, but you felt too intimidated… so you did nothing. Inaction can crush your confidence and keep you feeling lonely.Let’s fix this! In today’s episode of the Dating Transformation podcast, host and dating coach Connell Barrett shares 9 of his favorite “advanced dating tips” to help you take action, including how to ask for a number, and how to confidently approach large groups. Use these 9 moves to stop feeling lonely and START attracting women as your most confident, authentic self.FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL, TO LEARN HOW TO ATTRACT YOUR DREAM RELATIONSHIP:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactGET CONNELL’S NO. 1 BESTSELLING GUIDE FOR MEN, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T,” YOUR PRATICAL GUIDE ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND BY BEING RADICALLY AUTHENTIC:www.amazon.com/Dating-Sucks-but-You-Dont-ebook/dp/B08LDZL3

Yeah, dating should be fun. You know, some things in life should be fun, like dating. Some things in life aren't fun, like root canals or watching Vin Diesel act. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett, helping you gain confidence, learn to flirt, and attract an amazing relationship, all by being authentic, radically authentic. And today is a special episode because I'm going to give you some advanced ninja moves. Nine advanced ninja dating moves.

Because let's be honest, sometimes you want to have a little fun and do some fun advanced things, right? It's like if you go bowling, it's nice to hit that strike where you get the ball to do the cool turn into the frame, into the pins. Or I'm a big tennis nerd. It's fun. You know, sometimes Roger Federer doesn't want to just hit a forward topspin forehand. He wants to hit a cool drop shot or hit it between his legs. So today is going to be nine tips, nine advanced dating moves that you can put into action. Even if you're kind of a beginner, they can still work.

But especially if you're a guy who's got a lot of dating experience, this episode is for you. So let me start with a story. Here's a quick story. And it begins this way. Several years ago, I was in a grocery store. And I saw this really intriguing, attractive woman who was holding a yoga mat. And I noticed something. She was shopping at Whole Foods.

So was I. And I noticed a pack of camel cigarettes sticking out of her jean jacket pocket. And I walked up to her and I walked up and I said, wow, you're a woman of real contradiction because the yoga gear says fitness nut, but the cigarettes say emphysema. And she laughed and she said, yeah, I guess I'm I guess I'm sending out mixed signals. I'm trying to quit. And I said to her, hey, you're just complex. You're like a sexy Walt Whitman. You contain multitudes. And that made her laugh. And she said, hey, I'm Katie, by the way. And she introduced herself first, which by the way, that's an indicator of a woman's interest when she goes out of her way to introduce herself.

And even though she introduced herself, I did sense some awkwardness. And I was about to learn why, which is that she said, hey, by the way, the guy, she, she could tell I was attracted to her and I was flirting with her. And she said, Hey, just so you know, I'm here with a guy I'm kind of seeing and just started dating and he's coming over right now. So, Oh, by the way, we're, so we're standing in the, the, uh, uh, fresh produce section. And all of a sudden this guy comes over or I'm sorry, he's on his way over. And I say to her, don't worry. Here's what we'll do. Just tell him I'm your gay friend. I'm your GBF, stands for gay best friend. He'll be fine. And she laughed and said, OK, OK, cool. So this

guy comes over. This is a guy she's had several dates with. And he sort of looks at me with suspicion. And then Katie says, Oh, hey, Chad, this is Connell, my gay friend, Connell. And then he totally relaxed because he realized, Oh, this guy is not a threat. He's just a nice redheaded gay guy, talking to my girl. And the three of us chatted. And I learned in our conversation that Katie is this big time fitness influencer on Instagram. Not surprised. She's really beautiful and also just cool and had a really good energy. And I'm thinking, OK, how do I get her phone number with this guy here, but without making it really obvious? So I say, oh, hey, Katie, by the way, I recently lost all my contacts. Can you give me your number again? And she gave me her number right in front of Chad, and he was none the wiser. And so I walk

out of the store, and I don't walk probably three or four blocks before my phone buzzes. And it's a message from Katie. And she texted me very smooth. Nice meeting you, GBF. Maybe I can get you to switch teams. Winky face signed Katie. So look, I'm not I'm not telling you to steal a guy's girl in front of him.

That's not who I am and how I coach. At the same time, I'm not telling you not to. Bottom line is, if Katie was super into this guy, she would have told me to buzz off. And she certainly would not have texted me her number. Or texted me after giving me her number or texted me after giving me her number. So basically, that's just a quick story to illustrate sort of the fun advanced things you can do to help your dating life once you've gotten some of these fundamentals down. I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps,

flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided

thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results,

and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. Anyway, so let's get into it. I'm going to share with you nine specific advanced moves for you to help you do things like, you know, approach women while they're working. That's sort of an advanced move.

Getting a woman's number when she doesn't have time to talk, maybe in an elevator, approaching groups. So here we go. Let's get to it. Nine ways, nine advanced, advanced dating ninja moves. Number one is how to get her number in 60 seconds. So when you have very little time to talk to a woman, like let's say you're late for work or sharing an elevator. And what you have to do is you have to be very direct and you just can't waste time. So basically you would say something like this. You've got to be direct but disarming. So what you do is you suggest a 60 second date. It goes like this. So imagine you're in an elevator or you're walking somewhere and you know that one or both of you are about to go separate ways. Like you're walking down a sidewalk for a woman you just approached.

The 60 second date goes something like this quote. Hey, I know this is random but you're absolutely adorable and i have to go in a second but how about we have a 60 second date right now to see if we like each other are you up for it so that's a bold move but it's but it's making clear romantic man-to-woman interest which is good and it's also a very small ask you're only asking for one minute of her time. So if she's single and she likes your vibe, she's very likely to say yes, because it shows so much confidence. And then after a minute or two, get her number for the quote unquote second date. All right. Okay. Advanced ninja dating move number two, it's how to instantly escape the friend zone so say you're on a date and you can just feel yourself being too timid and you're you just kind of feel yourself

quickly falling into that dreaded the quicksand of the friend zone right what do you do what you want to do is make what's called an ad hominem comment. Now, this is a tip I got from a coach years ago, and I really liked it. Ad hominem is Latin for to the person. In other words, you make a comment that's directed at the person. So in other words, it's a you statement. So you want to say something about her that's positive and flirtatious, right? So an ad hominem statement about that person is going to be more powerful than a general

statement about the surroundings, for example, because you're talking about her. So if you're on a date and you can kind of feel it flatlining, then make an ad hominem positive flirtatious statement. It can be as simple as, by the way, you just make the most adorable facial expressions. Or, whoa, that look you just gave me, that look was R-rated. Or here's a really bold one. You know, you are so sexy when you blank and then find something that you genuinely feel she's saying and doing that's sexy. By the way, always make this authentic. It's got to be real.

It's got to be authentic or it won't work as well. And it just won't feel as good because you're not being the real you. So make this ad hominem at her statement if you feel like it's just kind of a flatlining date or flatlining conversation because that can just send things to that more romantically intriguing man what i call man to woman place all right tip number three how to approach a large group one of my favorite advanced tips. What do you do when you see three, four, five women, especially at a bar? That can be very intimidating.

It's very hard to do that, or at least you tell yourself it is. And really the way to do it is if there are three or four, let's say if there are, I don't know, four or fewer women together in a bar or a club, what you want to do is address the group as a unit. Think of them as one three or four headed woman. And you walk up and you just speak to them like they're one. Hey, you guys look really stylish tonight. How are you doing? How's your night going? Now, if there are five or more, if there's five or more, then what you want to do is talk to the one woman who you most are interested in or to use one woman, an icebreaker with one woman as sort of a door opener to the whole group.

So if it's four or less, open as one. Hey, what's up? You guys look amazing tonight. How's your night going? If it's five or more, focus on one woman, break the ice with her, and then you can have a conversation with her that then connects you to the rest of the group. Okay, number four, advanced ninja dating move number four is how to reconnect with a girl who got away. So here's what to text a woman whose number, let's say you got a number a few months earlier,

either on a dating app or maybe you got her number while out socializing and chatting, but you just never followed up. You never met her. The trail went cold. I call this the reconnect text. Now you can use this if it's a phone number you have. You can also use it on the dating apps if it's an old dating lead and you're still in each other's queue, but it just went cold. It's called the reconnect text. And it goes like this, quote, let's say her name is Deborah. Quote, I don't know, Deborah. I just feel like we're growing apart. It's like I don't even know you

anymore. Have we lost that love and feeling or can we bring the love back? Sad emoji question mark. Now, what does this do? Now, she might not even remember you. If it's been three, four, or five months, she might not even remember you. But if you reconnect with her or seek to, what you're doing is creating a really fun, playful little, it's almost like an improv scene. It's almost like a role play where you're taking the position of old lovers who have run out of, who had something wonderful and you want to bring it back. So the playfulness invites her to write you back. And a few messages later, you might be having your long overdue first date on your calendar. Now what we're hoping for here is she writes you back and basically falls into that role play with you. And she either LOLs and says, hey, how you been, which is good, or even better, she starts to follow along with the role

play. And she says, oh, I don't know, maybe we can give it one more try. I'm open to it if you are. Winky face. So I did this with a woman years ago. And we had had a few text messages. We had one phone date. But three or four months passed, nothing happened. I sent her the reconnect text. And her response was, I think we should see if we can bring that love back.

And we were on a date one night later, and we ended up seeing each other for a good while. So the reconnect text, it's a great way to reconnect with a girl who got away. All right. Next tip of the nine super advanced dating moves is how to charm the perfect 10. How to charm the perfect 10. How to charm the perfect 10. Because listen, every swan was once an ugly duckling, or at least she felt like she was. So when you're talking to a woman who most guys would consider a quote unquote 10, ask her about her nerdy, dorky youth and share a story or two from your nerdy high school days.

If you were a nerd like I certainly was. By the way, this is not a tactic to make her feel insecure. OK, on the contrary, this is this is you helping to make her feel cooler, sexier, more awesome today because you're contrasting her present day beauty with her pimply braces wearing past the girl she used to be. And it also creates a connection because if you were a dork as a kid and she feels like she was a nerdy dork as a kid, now you're two people both being real and vulnerable and with each other right now. And that helps you create a real connection. And when you're both being real and authentic, then what's great is you stop seeing each other as a number and you start seeing the real people you really are. That's when a real

romantic connection can happen. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it

with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon

or wherever books are sold, in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Next tip, next advanced dating ninja tip is how to turn your Instagram into a date generator. So if you're a social guy with a cool lifestyle, you know, you're into parties, you're into clubbing, travel, cool restaurants, then you can absolutely use your Instagram account to get dates. Because the thing is, bragging about those kinds of things in life,

in day-to-day life, actually kills creating attraction because it comes across as try hard and bragging. But posting photos of you living the good life on your instagram feed gets women's attention because you're basically saying hey look at my cool exciting awesome life i have subtext is do you want in and who wouldn't want into a cool fun lifestyle it's also the ultimate humble brag and so look bragging in person sucks bragging on Instagram is kind of what Instagram is all about. So what you want to do is simply post a few cool fear of missing out type of photos weekly on your Instagram. And then when you meet women, instead of swapping phone numbers, what you can do instead is you trade Instagram handles. And then you can use this well-curated Instagram life. And if women see that you have a cool life,

they're much more likely to want to be a part of it. All right, next tip. The next of our nine advanced dating move tips is harnessing the power of social proof. When it comes to dating success, nothing is more important than being your most authentic you. All starts with radical authenticity. But there is a secret weapon that can take things to an even higher level. And that secret weapon is social proof

and its cousin, preselection. Now, so social proof is a term, I'm going to nerd out on you now, social proof is a term coined by social scientist Robert Cialdini in a book he wrote called Influence, an amazing book I highly recommend you read. And in the book Influence, Cialdini writes about this concept of social proof, and it's the phenomenon wherein people mirror the actions and beliefs of others. And in dating, when a woman sees that other people like and approve of you, she's more likely to like you because she sees the quote-unquote proof of your social value. Now, social proof is everywhere, right? Rotten tomato rankings, Facebook likes. These are all examples of social proof

and social proof can help you in dating as well. Now, preselection is similar to social proof. And what preselection is, it's actually probably more powerful. And what preselection is, it's actually probably more powerful. And what preselection is, it's when a potential partner, a potential date, in other words, a woman who you're attracted to, or maybe you haven't even met her yet. When she sees that you have been selected by high value women, then you are perceived as having higher social value. Basically, your stature in her eyes

rises high, goes through the roof, and then her romantic interest might go along with it. For example, I was once in a Stockholm nightclub, and I was out meeting women in Stockholm and Sweden, and I met a super smart, successful, sexy artist named Astrid. And Astrid kind of liked me. But when she saw me talking to another very stylish, beautiful Swedish woman, this other woman was just a friend. But what happened was Astrid saw me talking to this beautiful, stunning other woman. She came over, Astrid came over and re-approached me with more interest. And then we ended up spending the week together. We had a really nice, awesome, little fun fling.

So Astrid saw, oh my gosh, other women approve of this guy and really attractive women are into him. I better be more into him as well. So use social proof and preselection to propel your dating life to greater heights. Here's a couple ways you can do that. And here are the next two social or sorry, the next two super advanced ninja moves. Find a wing woman. Find a wing woman. Better than just about any wing man is a wing woman. That is a sociable, stylish female friend who would join you out on the town. So yeah, if you're going to go out to approach women, you absolutely want to bring a wing woman out with you

if you can. You don't have to do it, of course, but it's a nice bonus. It's an advanced bonus. And a wing woman basically has superpowers. All a wing woman, like, so for example, I bring clients out two weekends a month in New York City where I coach guys live. I'm their wingman. I approach with them. I give them openers to use. I help them meet women. I introduce them to women. I do all them. I give them openers to use. I help them meet women. I introduce them to women. I do all these things as part of my normal coaching program. And sometimes I bring my girlfriend out with me. My girlfriend, Jess, is a great wingwoman.

And she will walk up and join one of my clients who's talking to a beautiful woman he just met. And as soon as Jess walks up to him and lets the woman know that this guy has a very attractive, cool female friend, so many times the woman he's talking to gets more attracted to him. Just because my cool, beautiful girlfriend, Jess, gave him some social proof, some of that preselection. So anyway, that's the power of having a wing woman. And when you go out with a wing woman, all you have to do to leverage her superpowers is have her socialize with you in the presence of other women. It's all you have to do. She can introduce you to girls. That makes amazing things happen. So don't be shy about asking a female friend or a female acquaintance if she wants to go out with you for a night as a wing woman.

Women tend to love this. It's sort of a fun social experiment for them. It's almost like a video game or like a matchmaker. Matchmaking meets video game. And just make sure you offer something in return to a woman who's going to be your wing woman. Maybe your friends. Maybe you pay for her drinks the whole night. Come up with a way that it's a win-win.

So you're trading value. Okay. And the ninth and final tip for a super advanced ninja moves is, and I'm going to do a whole episode about this, but I'll just give you a quick taste now. It's use a romantic recruiter. What does that mean? It's kind of like finding your own wing woman. I'm sorry, your own matchmaker, your own matchmaker. Use a romantic recruiter. What you want to do is ask a social, a sociable female friend to be your romantic recruiter, meaning that she'll be out on the lookout for good matches for you when she's out in the town. And yes, a wing woman can absolutely do the same. I should say a wing man

can do the same. But there's something really powerful about a woman meeting another woman who gets you, who's basically giving you that stamp of approval because women trust other women in a way they don't as quickly trust men typically. So if you have a woman as a romantic recruiter out on the town, then she can basically get you phone numbers and dates lined up. I used to work with a romantic recruiter named Bonnie. And Bonnie was so awesome. She'd just be out in the town. She actually called me once one night and said, Hey, Connell, I'm here with this amazing girl named Angela. Hey, Angela, say hi to Connell. And all of a sudden I'm talking to a woman who was super excited about having a date with me, even though she'd never met me. But because she met Bonnie

and Bonnie put in a good word for me, I had a date lined up. So here's how it works. Basically, it works like this. Let's say your romantic recruiter meets a woman out in the town named Jessica, who's totally your type. You can have your romantic recruiter. First, you want her to talk you up, have her say to this girl, Jessica, oh, you seem like a great match for my friend name, basically your name. And then you'd have your recruiter text you and Jessica something like, quote, hey, Jessica, meet your name. Let's say your name is Roger. Jessica, meet Roger. I think you two are going to hit it off. So it's a three-person text

that your romantic recruiter sends to you and to the woman you're being fixed up with. And now all you have to do is swap a couple of friendly text messages with Jessica and then ask her out. The romantic recruiter's work, her hard work did all of the benefit for you, got you all the benefit. So your recruiter did the hard work and you got a hot date out of it and you didn't even have to leave your house. So use a romantic recruiter. Okay, those are nine advanced dating ninja moves. I got lots more. I'll do another advanced dating ninja move episode

in the near future, I'm sure. That's our wrap up for today. Thank you so much for listening. As always, don't forget that women like you for you. They just have to meet the real authentic you. I'll see you next time. Later. Thank you for listening to the Dating

Transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.