How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Ask the Dating Coach: ‘I’m Short! Should I Have My Legs Broken to Help Me Get Dates?’

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Are you five-feet-eight or shorter? Does that make you feel less confident around tall, attractive women? Do you struggle on the apps because you feel women want taller guys? In this episode of the Dating Transformation podcast, Connell Barrett helps you fix those issues. How? By coaching a lonely, five-foot-five listener who’s considering a drastic step: breaking and lengthening his legs to become more attractive to women. If you’re on the shorter side and you want to confidently attract a wonderful girlfriend, this is the episode for you. Listen now!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL, TO LEARN HOW TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN: http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactGET CONNELL’S NO. 1 BESTSELLING GUIDE FOR MEN, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T,” YOUR PRACTICAL GUIDE ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND BY BEING RADICALLY AUTHENTIC:www.amazon.com/Dating-Sucks-but-You-Dont-ebook/dp/B08LDZL3READ CONNELL’S 47 TIPS ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND:http://www.datingtransformation.com/how-to-get-a-girlfriendQuotes"Women seek a confident, authentic man who values and cherishes them, regardless of height”.-Connell Barnett"Build a strong sense of self-worth beyond height. Discover ten unique qualities that make you a great catch."- Connell BarnettFeatured in the episodeConnell BarrettFounder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite:https://datingtransformation.comInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformationChapters00:00 - Introduction00:00 - Connell Barrett, Dating Coach, Tackles Height Hurdles.06:18 - Rise in Leg-Lengthening Procedures for Men.08:18 - Building Confidence to Attract Your Ideal Women.12:20 - Height: An Asset, Not a Dating Prerequisite.16:35 - Most Women Find Height Inconsequential.19:12 - Enhanced Profiles Yield Dating Triumphs.21:19 - Boost Confidence, Showcase Yourself, Attract Opportunities.23:21 - OutroPowered by Heartcastmedia

So basically, bro, you don't need towering height. You need towering confidence. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and attract an incredible girlfriend, and do it all with authenticity, being the real, true best you.

And today, I want to do a special episode for men who struggle with their lack of height, which leads to a lack of confidence. So if you're under 5'9", 5'8", if your height gets you stuck in your head makes you feel less attractive to women if you think that women or you know that women are blowing you off or rejecting you because you're five five five six five four or shorter this episode is for you i want to talk with you about how to date successfully and confidently, no matter what your height is. And I want to read a letter, an email I got from a person in my audience. And this is from Gerald in New York City. So think of this episode as a special episode. It's a one question

episode from Gerald. Here we go. He says, Dear Connell, on 5'5", women I meet reject me, and I don't get matches on the dating apps. I'm lonely and low in confidence, and I've almost given up hope. So I'm considering a painful procedure in which my legs would be broken and lengthened to make me a few inches taller. It costs about $100,000. I know it's radical, but I'm desperate. Should I go through with it? Gerald, New York City, 28 years old. Well, first of all, thank you for the note, the email, Gerald. And by the way, 100K, to have your legs broken, that's a lot of cash to have your legs broken. I know a guy down at the docks, Nicky the Nostril, he goes by.

He'll do it for way less. All you got to do is miss one of your payments and he'll do it for basically for free. So anyway, Gerald, I feel your frustration, man. I have never broken a bone, but my heart absolutely breaks when I see a good guy like you struggle with loneliness simply because of your lack of height. And it shouldn't be this way. Dating should not be this way. So what I'm about to say to you, I say this with love and empathy and good intentions,

which is this. Are you fucking bonkers? Are you effing crazy? Think about it. You're going to be volunteering to pay about a hundred grand to suffer a grotesque physical trauma, the likes of which one would associate with a high-speed car crash or a piano falling on you, all in the hopes of becoming slightly, maybe more swipable on Tinder for about two or three inches. And I guess another question I have for you is, are you sure that gaining just two or three extra inches is even going to make a difference? Is that really going to fix things? I'm six foot two, maybe six one. I'm six two and I have my poofy faux hawk going.

And I had epic dating struggles up until my mid thirties. I was lonely. I was dateless. I had one woman, really one woman into my thirties who I was really into. I married her and she dumped me nine weeks later. And that was what set me off on the path to become good at dating and confident and eventually a dating coach. And so I had epic dating struggles until I learned what really attracts women, no matter what your height is, which I'll get to in a second. So yeah, Gerald, are you even sure

that two or three more inches is going to make that big of a difference? You're not going from 5'5 to 6'5. You're going from 5'5 to maybe 5'8 after a pretty traumatic event is happening to your legs, talking multiple broken bones. Now I will concede a couple things here. I will absolutely concede that dating bias against shorter men is real, especially on the apps. Many women do filter out guys who fall beneath a certain height threshold. reported that a typical 5'6 man has to earn $175,000 more annually than his 5'11 counterpart guy would in order to be seen as desirable to women as that taller guy. So I get it. I do see that there is a bias here against height, but you know what? There's a bias against lots of different parts of us. There's lots of different biases in dating. There's bias against height. But you know what? There's a bias against lots of different parts of us. There's

lots of different biases in dating. There's bias against height. Sure. There's bias against age. I'm 52. On the dating apps, plenty of women filter me out because they're not even seeing me because they might stop at 40 or 30 or 50. There's bias against looks on the dating apps. There's bias against ethnicity. So while the bias against your height does hurt, and I do feel that pain, it's part of the game. I should say it's part of the rules of dating. There are certain biases we have to deal with. But guess what? The good news is there are ways to get around those biases

and fix the issues that you're talking about here. But anyway, it's really not, it's no wonder that you're thinking of doing this procedure, which is called leg lengthening. I did a little research after you wrote me the question, Gerald, and it's interesting. Leg lengthening is a real booming trend. Now, traditionally, leg lengthening was a procedure performed to correct malformed legs. Some people are born with one leg significantly longer than the other. That can affect the way somebody walks, their gait. So that's usually typically why these procedures were done.

Also, if somebody suffered an injury in an automobile accident, it affected their legs. Leg lengthening procedures could be used. But lately, more and more guys, mostly guys, are having this work done to get taller, to boost their self-esteem and to try to improve their dating lives. So just in the last five years, leg lengthening procedures in the U.S. have increased by an estimated 900%. And 85%, roughly 85% of those procedures are men. And there's not data on how many of those are dating related, but I have no doubt that it's a huge number. And the procedure you're considering, Gerald, let's look at this procedure because it is not fun. It's a four-hour procedure. It entails breaking both femurs. And then the doctor would insert telescopic titanium nails down the center of your bones. Over the next 90 days, a magnetic device inside would pull the cut bone apart at a rate of about one millimeter per

day. And then over the course of the next three or so months, the body makes new bone material to fill in the gaps. And then about three months later, you're two or three inches taller. Now the downsides, potential downsides are... I'm going to read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend.

Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence

and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more

confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. First of all, you're going to endure terrific pain. You're having a double leg fracture. That's going to hurt. So there's a lot of pain from this procedure, followed by weeks, if not months in a wheelchair, followed by three or four more months of physical therapy. And the potential complications include things like blood clots, infections, poor bone reformation, re-breakage. Imagine you're shooting hoops six months later, a year later with your friends. You go up for a rebound, you come down and crack, re-broken leg. Very possible. And there's also rare but potentially fatal consequences in very

isolated incidents. I won't bore you with it. I'm not a doctor at all. I have no medical background at all. But the article I was reading talked about how sometimes a certain kind of infection can travel from the legs to the lungs and become potentially fatal. And this is all to be just a little bit taller. So yes, your height in dating is a challenge. I should say your lack of height is a challenge to an extent. And it's a bummer and I wish you didn't have to deal with it. I seriously do. But the main problem is not your height. I guess that's the big aha moment I want to bring to you today. Your problem is not your height. The real issues are two other things. The real problem is number one, you believe the myth that all women only want to date tall men. And this kills your confidence. It kills your

confidence. And number two, this lowered confidence makes you a much less attractive man to women. In other words, bro, it's about your head. It's not about your height. And I want you to take this as good news. This is great news, by the way, because it's a lot easier to strengthen your mindset than it is to make your legs longer. It's a lot easier. So let's look at this. Let's bust this myth that's really hurting you. This myth that women only want tall men. The truth is, for the typical woman, it's not really about a guy's height. It's about how a guy's height makes her feel. Feminine, safe, small, protected. It helps her get into that feminine essence. A taller man can make her feel that way. Now, a shorter man like you can give her those same feelings of femininity, safeness,

smallness. You just have to do it in a different way than a tall guy can do it, right? You can get ripped at the gym. You can hone a really charismatic, confident personality. You can work really hard on your mindset, your self-confidence, and walk through the world with a steely self-certainty. Women love a man who's very certain in himself and knows his worth and value. And by the way, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that height isn't a virtue for guys. Lots of ladies like guys with height. But I've been a dating coach for almost 12 years now, coming up on 12 years. And I found that women, most women simply want a guy who's not shorter than she is. Height's like a nice bonus for most women, but mainly they just want a guy

who's at their height or a little bit shorter. So this means, Gerald, that you have tens of millions of potential dating options out there because you're 5'5". The average American woman is 5'4", an inch shorter than you. So you literally have tens of millions of potential dating options in the USA even at 5 5 because women are looking for many if not most women are saying I want a guy at my height or shorter but not necessarily 6 foot she just wants a guy who is not gonna be you know looking up at her so again what's hurting your dating life the most is not your height it's how your height hurts your confidence and makes you insecure and it's your lack of confidence it's your insecurity that I'm

certain is turning some women off if you're approaching women which you probably aren't doing very much if at, but if you are approaching women and you're bringing a sense of insecurity, of fear, of timidity to that approach, you are done. That woman is not going to be interested in you for very long because she can smell that low self-esteem, smell the insecurity like bad cologne. She's not saying get away short man. She's actually saying, ooh, get away timid man who doesn't believe in himself. Now that might be related to the height, but it's not caused by the height. It's caused by your mindset. Caused by your mindset.

Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed

all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon

or wherever books are sold, in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Let me throw another idea at you um you have i think a lot of guys like you have this core belief that you know what every woman just wants a tall guy and again that's not true many women want a guy who's no shorter than she is but every woman wants a six foot guy that's total um i dated I dated a woman, I'll call her Diane.

And before she dated me, she became my girlfriend for a while. Before Diane dated me, Diane's five foot five, as I recall, she went out with a little person. She went out with a guy who's four foot seven. And I asked her about this. I was fascinated because I was a dating coach when she and I went out.

And so I said, really? You weren't turned off by his height or his smallness? She said, no, he had a great sense of humor. He had kind of a cool confidence about himself. He was very self-effacing about his height. It didn't bother him. And here's a five foot five, very attractive woman, very quality, intelligent, cool person, just as good heart. And she dated a four foot seven man, a little person, quote unquote, because of a sense of humor and his confidence in himself. So use Diane as an example of the story that you tell yourself about height is false.

So yeah, for most women, height is just not a top requirement. So yeah, all women do not want six foot tall guys. What do all women want? Pretty much all women. I mean, maybe not 100%, but man, pretty darn close. All women want a confident, authentic man who knows his worth and knows how to make her feel special, whether he's six foot four or four foot six so think back gerald think back to a time when a woman turned you down for a date was it really because of your height or could it be because of how insecure and timid

your perceived insufficiency made you feel about yourself. So basically bro, you don't need towering height, you need towering confidence. Now I can already hear you. You might be saying, hey come on, wait a minute man, what about the apps? I'm struggling on Tinder and Hinge. Isn't that about my height? To which I would say to you, why are you talking to a podcast i can't hear you but look i haven't seen your profile obviously but um i have a client named ben again not his real name but i because i protect my client's privacy but anyway ben his profile is actually on my home page go to datingtransformation.com and you'll see ben's a screenshot of his online dating matches.

He's five foot six, so he's an inch taller than you, Gerald. And Ben came to me because he was getting zero traction on Hinge, just crickets. And he assumed it was because of his height, but I looked at his profile and then we were, it was pretty clear what the culprit was, what the real problem was. He had really lame photos, unflattering selfies, really boring prompts, and photos that just

didn't sell himself in an effective way. Basically, the problem was not his height. It was his marketing, his online dating marketing. So we updated Ben's profile, and we added some really cool photos of him surfing in Santa Monica. We added some cool, witty, funny prompts. One of his prompts is one of my favorite ones for shorter guys to use. He wrote on one of his hinge prompts, quote,

what I lack in height, I make up for with an 810 credit rating. And the takeaway, two days later, Ben, with these new photos and improved prompts, he had 83 new matches with some really wonderful women. You can see them on my homepage. And he was soon going on more dates than he can handle. He was sending me text messages saying, Connell, I had to cancel on two or three really cute girls because I only had time to go on three other dates this week.

He actually had more options than he could handle. Five foot six at five foot six. So there's another hole in the story that women only want to date tall guys online. No, women want a man who brings something to their table. And if height is not what you bring to the table, then find something else to bring to the table. Humor, cool photos, great portraits, funny prompts, a cool life, a cool, authentic life. And that is what works. And another guy, actually, Michael, my client Michael is even shorter, even shorter than you, Gerald. Michael's 5'3".

He met his now girlfriend Allison on Bumble. Allison's about 5'3". I think she's the same height as him, maybe an inch shorter, 5'2", 5'3". And what she liked about his profile is he has really cool travel photos. He's got some cool shots of him like traveling the world. There's one of him in Japan wearing a kimono looking really cool and having like a fun high A status, fun travel life. Yeah. And this painted a picture for her about what it would be like to date Michael. She obviously did not care that he's 5'3". She said, oh, he's well-dressed.

He travels. He's got a cool life. Maybe he's the kind of handsome she likes. Women's opinions are very subjective. Every woman's got her own blueprint for what makes her want to swipe right. There's not a one-size-fits-all thing here, man. So, yeah, both Ben, Michael, neither of these guys had to get medieval

on their own legs. They did not have to break their own bones to attract some great options. So yeah, my advice to you is I want you to build confidence that comes from your core, not from your height. And build a dating profile that showcases your best, authentic, awesome self

in attractive ways. That's how to do it on the dating apps. The way to do it in person is you have to build a real strong sense of self-worth that's got nothing to do with your height. Find 10 other amazing things about you that are not height related that make you feel great, that you're a great catch. And I'll end with this. I tell every one of my clients, you are enough. Every guy I let know, you are enough. You're enough to get a great girlfriend. You have worth. You have value to women women you don't have to be lonely so i tell that to

every guy in your case gerald i mean that literally literally you at five foot five are enough there's enough of you there more than enough you don't need three more inches to become worthy of love you need to see how worthy you already are and begin to believe it. And as soon as you start to believe it, women will start to believe it as well. Okay, that is today's episode. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, Gerald and you listening at home, you are enough. You are more than enough to get a great girlfriend, to learn to flirt, to have a wonderful dating life,

and to find love. And that dream girlfriend, she's already out there. She just, and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real you. Okay, see you next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation Podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.