How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Bad Dating Advice Has Failed Decent Men: Here Are 26 New Rules for 2026 That Actually Work (Part 1)

Episode Date: January 6, 2026

Be mysterious. Don’t double-text. Use “tricks” to make her chase you. Yuck! Most dating advice is as outdated as flip phones and Fax machines. The old playbook just doesn’t work. In this episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend,” dating coach Connell Barrett unveils his 26 New Dating Rules for 2026. In part 1, he shares how to be kind and confident, why texting “like a girl” is a good thing (seriously!), and reveals the playful dating app opener that women love.Episode Highlights:02:05: Why Women Want You to Talk to Them IRL (and How to Do It)07:05: How to Channel Your First Date Nerves to Spark a Connection09:14: The Dating App Opener You Must Try20:50: The Dreaded Mistake to Stop Making on Dates24:51: Talk about This to NEVER Run Out of Things to SayBOOK A FREE CALL WITH DATING COACH CONNELL BARRETT TO LEARN IF 1-ON-1 COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU:DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL TO GET A FREE COPY OF HIS BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”:[e-mail]

If your opener is, hi, how's your day, then you may as well write, hi, please ghost me and crush my self-esteem because boring questions flop. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett, helping you attract incredible women and get a great girlfriend. And do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. Happy New Year, happy 2026.

In honor of the new year, I want to give you 26 new rules of dating in 2026 so that we can make this the year you find love. Find a quality, incredible woman to share your life with, what I call a wow girl. Because here's the truth. Right now in 2026, Most of the dating advice still sounds like it was created back when flip phones were cool.

I still see so much bullshit. Be mysterious. Wait three days to text. Never double text. Play it cool. Be James Bond cool. That's so outdated. Yeah, maybe send her a telegram while you're at it.

Pick her up in your Model T while you're at it. So let's bring things to modern day. all right let's reset your love life for the new year and as a professional dating coach and an author i have helped thousands of decent guys like you good guys maybe shy introverted guys but good hearted men find incredible girlfriends no games no gimmicks required and that's what this is about so whether you're unsure of what to say when you approach or maybe you just lack confidence where you're trying to find that right balance of confidence and kindness, here are 26 new, no-nonsense dating strategies for 2026.

I'm going to break this up into two episodes. Here's part one, and we're going to do part two in a couple days. Here we go. The new rules of dating for 2026. Rule number one, women are tired of the apps, so go talk to them. After years and years of dating app fatigue, women are signaling a clear shift back toward real-life connection. And this is not just anecdotal, although I have so many anecdotes to support this.

This is backed by data. Hinge recently did their date report, D-A-T-E acronym. Their date report showed a declining enthusiasm from women for endless swiping and a rising interest in women just really being open to organic imperfect. connection. So don't forget that a thoughtful, respectful real-life approach right now, it's more refreshing and more welcome than ever. Women are so tired of swiping. So you need to know that saying hello at a coffee shop, at a bookstore, a party, and doing it the right way, that does not read as an intrusion. It does not read as creepy. It reads as social confidence.

and when done right, it creates real sparks. Take this from a guy, me. I've dated many, many women from in-person, icebreakers approaching. I've had girlfriends in the past who I met this way. And women still want you to go talk to them. Now, as for knowing what to say, that leads to rule number two for 2026. Rule number two is ditch pickup lines. Say this instead.

what is this? I'm about to tell you. Most men freeze up around women who they want to meet because if you're like most guys, you just don't know what to say. At least you don't know what to say without being creepy. You don't want to be creepy. You don't want to bother women. So my advice for you and this new rule is to stop trying to be perfect when you want to break the ice with a woman in real life. Don't use scripted lines. Don't rehearse what you're going to say. Be human. Be So what I teach my clients and I want what I want to tell you about right now is I call this my what to say method. My what to say method, it's a very simple framework that my clients and I use. I came up with this for my clients and for myself back when I was single to use to meet women in real life anywhere.

And this will help you solve the problem of I don't know what to say. So that when you see someone you want to talk to, you don't have to strain. to think of some dazzling opener. Instead, give yourself three options. Not three scripts, three options that will tell you what to say. Option A is you share a G-rated compliment. Perhaps, hey, I love your tattoo, or that leather jacket is bold, nice choice. Option B is you ask a genuine question. Let's say you're at a cafe. You might say, hey, to the woman next to you, hey, excuse me, Are you thinking ice coffee or hot coffee today? Or a genuine question.

I'm recording this on January 2nd. You might ask a woman who you meet out in the coffee shop, a genuine question like, hey, excuse me, I'm just curious. Did you make any New Year's resolutions this year besides drinking more coffee? So that's a genuine question that makes sense. And option C is you make an observation and you call that out as your icebreaker. You know, let's say you're at the Drem, at the gym. And you notice a woman who's just killing it on the treadmill. When she walks off

the treadmill, maybe she's at the drinking fountain. You're at the drinking fountain. You say, hey, you're crushing it on the treadmill today. Try not to get pulled over. You're breaking some speed rules here. So again, A, B, C. A is a G-rated compliment. B is a genuine question. And C is just making an observation. Now, this will work an insanely high percentage amount of the time for you. I'm talking like 80, 90% of the time because these are contextual openers and they're pressure-free and you're not hitting on her. You're just starting a light conversation. We're taking away the thing that women do reject, which is weird, creepy pickup lines or sexualizing her.

No, we're just keeping it light and playful. It's actually hard to get rejected this way because you're just breaking the ice in a normal, breezy way that women tend to find charming. I mean, what is she going to say? How dare you ask me what kind of coffee I'm drinking? What is she going to say? How dare you talk to me and tell me my tattoo is a cool style? No, that's not going to happen with most rational normal women. And if it does, she's the weirdo, not you. Okay, rule number three for dating in 2026. To attract her, be nervous, not smooth. Don't try to eliminate nerve. especially on a first date use them lean into them a little nervousness tells her that the date

matters to you and that's attractive most men tend to think that nerves are something to hide so they force confidence and they sound rehearsed but nerves only hurt you and you fight them and you push back against them that's what gets you in your head so I want you to own your butterflies, own your nerves. Think Hugh Grant in any of those rom-coms he did back in the day. Notting Hill, four weddings in a funeral. His character was clearly nervous and fidgety and stammery, and women love it in the movies anyway, but that also works in real life. So here's what owning your butterflies looks like on a date. It might be saying something like, I'm a bit nervous. I really wanted to make a good impression tonight or let's say you verbally stumble you might say okay that came

out totally wrong let me try again or i was once on a date early in my dating journey of trying to get better at this and my hands were shaking she could see my hands were shaking and i said sorry i have not been on a date with somebody this cute in a long time and she just melted just melted and another example is back when i first started approaching women i walked up to a a gorgeous woman and I was so nervous and shy and I just owned it and I walked over and said hi excuse me I'm really shy I don't normally do this but I wanted to come meet you and she swooned almost she was like oh my god that's so flattering that's so sweet she loved it so women don't want some polished performance and dating they want a guy who's real who's interested and who's

confident enough to own his nerves okay number four Rule number four is on the apps, open with a fun role play, not a dull question. If your opener is, hi, how's your day? Then you may as well write, hi, please ghost me and crush my self-esteem because boring questions flop. Because they blend into the dozens and dozens of boring messages that women are already ignoring. So instead, use this smart move, which is use a fun role play as an opener on the dating apps. Here's the one that's worked best for my guys in 2025. I call it the Back to the Future opener.

I did a whole episode about this opener. It's so good, but only go through it again in CliffsNotes version. This opener has helped three of my clients in 2025 get there now, girlfriends. Here's how it goes. You write this. Quote, hey, name, I'm writing you from five years in the future, where you and I are madly in love, but we just had a big fight about our first date. Future You said that we went to a wine bar, but I think we had sushi, which was it, honey?

Our future love depends on it, end quote. There's your opener. This light romantic roleplay is way more fun than interrogating her with a dull question. And it works because you're creating a fun, what if? Time traveling love must be connected. must come through. And when it works, here's what kind of response you're going to get. You're going to have women say things like, LOL, hi, future husband, future soulmate. Our first date was sushi, of course, and then after she responds with something like that, then you simply suggest meeting up for sushi

or wine or whatever the idea is to make your future love a reality. It's playful, it's flirty and it's just the right amount of smooth. I have a client named Jake who used this, the Back to the Future opener. He used it with a woman on Hinge and she wrote back, oh my God, I love this. What wizard taught you this? That made my dating coach ego really happy because I was the wizard who came up with it. So yeah, try this out. Just don't tell your future girlfriend that you stole this for me because that might mess up

the space time continuum. them. Okay, number five, rule number five, stop trying to be liked and start being who you are. If you've listened to my podcast, you now know that I am all about authenticity, baby, being you. And the thing is, most men treat dating, especially first dates like a performance, and they're trying to earn approval. But the moment that she said yes to that date, I want you to think of the date as a success. It's already a success once she is on the date with you. So stop performing and start being real, authentic. Listen to her and speak honestly.

Laugh when she's funny. Don't laugh when she's not. Let silences breathe. Follow this simple rule that I tell every one of my clients, day one, week one. Here's your new dating mantra. What I'm thinking and feeling is what I'm saying and doing. those true, honest, authentic thoughts. Confidence cannot be faked, at least not easily. But it can be summoned when you stop trying to be liked and you start conveying that authentic self. All right.

Rule number six for 2026, your new rules of dating. Number six, kindness is the new sexy. Hell yeah, it is. Women love kind men. It is sexy. Don't listen to some bullshit story that you need to be some fake alpha male being tough, being distant, being mysterious. That is nonsense. I will refer you instead to a recent survey by a help app called Clue that interviewed 64,000 women. And in this poll, the survey, women found kindness the most, that finished number one for the thing that women want most in a trait of a male partner. Kindness was number one in this clue study, not height, not looks, not money, kindness. By the way, a match.com study agrees.

In this match.com study, emotional sincerity beat confidence in terms of what women are looking for in a male partner. So the key is genuine kindness. I don't mean fake supplicating niceness. I mean genuine kindness. Show empathy and decency without expecting anything in return. So drop the swagger. Give your next date, warm eye contact, be curious, be interested.

Relaxed kindness, signal strength, not weakness. My girlfriend Jess was once on the podcast and she talked about how in her single days she would notice how her dates treated servers, waitresses, bartenders. Any hint of arrogance or talking down to those people, that guy was done. Kindness, she noticed and she loved it. So don't forget, kindness is the key. Confidence without empathy repels women. Confidence with kindness attracts women.

Okay. Rule number seven. I love this one. This is a great one. Number seven, text like a girl, not a guy. Text like a girl, not a guy. Early on, my girlfriend, Jess, told me, you text like a girl, and I like it. I used emojis, exclamation points, some all caps, gifs, gifs, whatever you call it. And this turned my messages into text that seemed emotionally alive to her. I remember sitting in the bar waiting for Jess to show up on our first date. and she texted me, I'm really liking our banter.

I really enjoy texting you. She was basically saying, I like how you text and telling me that I text like a girl. Now, most men don't text the right way. Most men text all logical. Most men text like Google Maps giving directions, accurate, efficient, and deeply unsexy. So add some emotion and expressiveness. I'm not saying be feminine. I'm saying add some emotion and expressive.

That's what I mean by texting like a girl, not a guy. So a guy text would be, I will see you tonight at 7.30, but I might be running a few minutes late. So I will be there by 745 at the latest. I will see you soon. That's a guy text. Guy texting like a girl sounds like this. Great. See you at 730 or 745 at the latest. Don't worry, I look very handsome and I'll be worth the wait. a logical guy text would be quote the italian restaurant last night was good i enjoyed the food we should go out again guy texting like a girl wow all capped i love that pasta i dreamt about it last

night parentheses r rated l o l o we must go back immediately pasta emoji more emotion. If you want to get the girl, text like a girl. OMG, L-O-L-L. You get what I'm saying, right? Right. Okay. Rule number eight for 2026, stop obsessing over the first date. Men treat the first date like it's everything, but that only adds pressure. It's wiser to think in a three-date arc. Here's your three-date arc I want you to think about. Date number one, it's about chemistry. Keep it light, keep it playful.

Do you laugh together? Is there some spark? See if you just both enjoy being together. Date number two is about compatibility. Go deeper. Talk about that big life stuff. You know, kids, values, goals? This is where you find out if your lives align.

And date number three, if you get that far, date number three is commit or cut bait. At that point, by date number three, you should know if this is going somewhere and you want it to go somewhere. The conversation should flow more easily. The attraction should be mutual and undeniable. And if you're not looking to move forward, then that means this is not the right match. So think of it this way. Date number one is an audition, a mutual audition, but it's not the Oscars. Okay?

So think in a three date arc. basically we're lowering the bar for how good how impressive how make or break you think that first date needs to be it doesn't have to be amazing most women are just thinking do we have some nice chemistry check is he weird and creepy no check and then you'll get a second date all right so we're lowering the bar so stop obsessing over the first date think of a three date arc All right. Rule number nine. Remember, the Me Too movement is about women. It's not about you. I'm going to get preachy here for a second. So bear with me. I'm going to get a hold on. Let me just get on my soapbox. Here we go. So many men overcorrected in the wake of the Me Too era. They just became too afraid to make any dating moves, at least without an engraved invitation. afraid to hold a woman's hand on a date, afraid to go for a first kiss. I had one guy say to me, well, I'm not going to go for a first kiss.

It's up to her. No, it is your job to go for a first kiss. Dating is a dance and your job as the man, our job as the man, man, man is to lead. So please let me be clear about this. The Me Too movement is not about us guys. The Me Too movement is about protecting women and girls from mistreatment, abuse, and harassment. And understanding that that mistreatment, abuse, and harassment has been going on for centuries, essentially, and start noticing it and protect women. It's not about whether or not men can approach or go for a kiss or move, make a move.

These things are still allowed. They're okay. Women still want you to make moves. They want you to take moves. They want you to take. appropriate chances. They want you to go for a kiss on a first date. If the vibe is reasonably good, they are okay with you approaching and saying hello. If you do it in a relatively attuned way, like at a social venue, that's not harassment. This is you just taking a chance at romance. So if you are acting with empathy and respect and good intentions, then you're doing it right. and you can make a move. It's okay. All right. Me Too is, Me Too affects us as men, but it's not about us. Okay. All right. Rule number 10. Don't forget. The essence of flirting is play. Play. Famous quote from Hamlet, right? The play is the thing. Famous Hamlet quote.

Well, in flirting, the thing is the play. Flirting isn't about impressing her, are saying cool lines. It's about creating a light, playful connection. That's what flirting is. That's literally the dictionary definition of flirting. There's a reason why the dictionary defines flirting as, quote, playing at love. So that's all you really want to think about when you're flirting, at least in the early stages of meeting a woman.

Those first couple dates, the first few texts, the courtship phase, the all-important courtship phase. How do we do this? A couple quick tips. Think of some fun what if questions. Who would play you in the movie of your life? Think gentle teasing. That's playful. You know, something like, how could somebody so cute be such a nerd? Or think silly games, especially on a date. On a first date, I have my clients play or I suggest they play a thing. Play one or two fun games. Two truths in a lie, staring contest, thumb wrestling. Make your dates playful.

And just make your interactions with women from texting to talking to dates playful, and you are going to have some nice mutual connections. All right. Rounding to the last three here before we pause for part one. Rule number 11. Be clear. Not cool. flirting with women. What I call in my book, man to woman communication. I have a whole

multiple chapters about how to be man to a woman, how to flirt with women in my book. The first rule is clarity. Clarity. Playfulness has its place in flirting, as I just described, but clarity is king. If you like her, let her know. If you like her, tell her. It's no wonder that recently a match.com. They did something called Matches, Singles in America survey. And in that survey, women said that they prefer male partners who communicate interest clearly over, quote, playing it cool. So don't play it cool. Say I like you. I'd like to see you again. Clear interest builds trust and attraction generally with women, generally. So playing it cool is out in 2026. Playing it clear is in.

All right. Number 12, your 12th new rule for dating in 2026. Dating is a dance, so lead. In the early stages of dating, most women still want a man who leads. Not controls, not dominates, but leads. What does that look like? This looks like suggesting a plan instead of asking, so what do you want to do?

it looks like asking for her number instead of giving her yours here's a pet peeve so many women have guys when you're online getting that number or trying to get that date don't give her your number and say text me that puts her in the masculine role you're making her do the man's job and you're putting yourself in the feminine role don't do that ask for her number instead of giving her yours the only time i will give a woman my number is if she says a explicitly, hey, I prefer you to give me your number and I'll text you. If that happens, fine. Otherwise, you ask for her number. Your role is to ask her to dance. And hers is to either say yes or no. And no matter what the answer is, it's all good. Okay. And the end of part one here.

Let's finish with number 13. Share your passions to become magnetic. Share with women what excites you and why it excites you. Maybe you love playing chess. Talk about it. Or maybe you're a foodie. Share why you're so passionate about food and your favorite restaurants and how it feels to cook a magnificent dinner. Or maybe I have a lot of musician clients. Maybe you're passionate about guitar. You just love shredding lead guitar in your garage band. Talk about that. It's not arrogant. It's not selfish. Quite the opposite. She wants to know what lights you up. And here's why this is so magnetic to women. If you are lit up and passionate about something that's going to come out in your conversation and communication. And that's going to transfer

onto her. We have these things called mirror neurons, not to get too nerdy on you, but basically that just means that emotions are contagious. So when you're conveying passion on a date or a conversation, an approach, even texting, or a phone date or a video date, she's going to feel the passion you have and she's going to feel good about that. So share things you're passionate about and ask her what she's passionate about. Find out. I once had a first date with a woman, an incredible woman named Lane, Hey Lane, from back in the day. And I was super into the movie Lincoln. The Spielberg movie Lincoln had just come out.

And I was reading about Lincoln and I had seen the movie Lincoln. I was just Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln, because I'm a U.S. president's nerd. And we talked about Lincoln for 30 minutes. That is not a good first date topic, but she enjoyed my passion for it. And two people talking about their passions or taking turns talking about their passions are much more likely to start feeling passion for. each other. Okay. That's the end of part one of this two-part episode. Stand by. The next episode will finish up the 26 new rules of dating for 2026. In the meantime, if you are looking to take your

dating results to the next level, then go to my website, datingtransformation.com. I'm available for consultations, free consultations with men who want help finding a girlfriend and who are considering dating coaching. And if you want to know how my one-on-one dating coaching would work, just go to datingtransformation.com. Book a free call with me and you and I can speak soon in 2026. Okay, until next time, don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there and she can't wait to meet you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you. Until next time. You know, I'm going to be.

You know,