How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Client Transformation! How John went from LOW Confidence to Dating INCREDIBLE Women…and How You Can, Too

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

If you struggle with how to flirt with women, or your dates don’t go anywhere, or you’re not meeting the kinds of women you’re into… listen up!In this episode of the Dating Transformation Podcast, dating coach and host Connell Barrett talks with his superstar client John, who’s been having some incredible dates with some incredible women… and he’s done it all with RADICAL AUTHENTICITY (no creepy pickup movesneeded.)John—a true, classy gentleman who likes and respects women—has gone from low confidence to an abundance of dating options.Connell and John are about to teach you how to…How to stay out of the Friend Zone*Make first-date moves that women enjoyGet HER to kiss YOU first and chase for your interestFlirt and text in a charming, classy way women love.Be more self-confident TODAYAnd a lot more!Are you ready to get more dates, more confidence, and find your dream girl? Listen to John’s rock-star success stories with women, and go find the great, gorgeous girlfriend you deserve.FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL, TO LEARN HOW TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN: http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactGET CONNELL’S NO. 1 BESTSELLING GUIDE FOR MEN, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T,” YOUR PRACTICAL GUIDE ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND BY BEING RADICALLY AUTHENTIC:www.amazon.com/Dating-Sucks-but-You-Dont-ebook/dp/B08LDZL3Quotes"In any given moment, our confidence or lack thereof is going to come from what we focus on and how we interpret that focus." JohnFeatured in the episodeJohnConnell BarrettFounder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite:https://datingtransformation.comInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformationChapters00:00 - Introduction04:26 - Confidence Boost and Refreshed Dating Skills08:40 - Finding the Right Setting for Successful Dates12:12 - Building Connection through Touch on Dates13:17 - Fun Dates: Intimacy, Rapport, and Compatibility18:19 - Embracing Confidence and Mindset, Letting Go of Insecurity21:41 - Pre-Date Confidence Boost: Reciting Notepad Words23:22 - Self-Reflection: Work Trip to Italy, Blake Shelton28:07 - Memorable First Date Leading to an Unexpected Kiss31:36 - Training for Improved Dating Success and Confidence35:48 - Authenticity Over Fakeness: Good Dating Advice37:34 - Having Fun Authentically: Showing Her the Way42:53 - Outro

And the great thing about a bowling date is you can't help but look at her butt. Yeah. And her look at yours. Not that I have one. Neither do I. Are you in the no butt club? I'm a buttless guy. Yeah.

I haven't been doing enough squats, Conal. There's an amber alert out for my butt. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Welcome back to another episode of the Dating Transformation Podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I help guys gain confidence, learn to flirt, and date some wonderful women, and eventually get a great girlfriend. And we do it with authenticity and integrity and good, genuine vibes. No creepy pickup artist moves needed. And one of the things I love about my job is that I get to help guys who struggle with some very common problems like how to structure a first date, what to talk about, how to plan a first date.

You might be struggling with things like confidence general confidence with women not sure how to flirt or how to text and today we have a very special guest to help us talk about how he cracked the code working with me i'm joined today by my buddy and client john John. John, I've been working with for a little while now, and he's just come so far. We're going to do a full-on kind of a coaching client catch-up chat just to look at all the amazing progress John has made since before he first worked with me. So John, thank you so much for being here, man. Of course, Colin. Happy to be here. It's great to see you. Awesome. Yeah.

Before we get into some dating tips, sort of the how you were struggling with, how we improved a lot of things and wherever you want to go, maybe give us like a CliffsNotes view of just who you are. What's your job? Where do you live? Tell us a little bit about your life. Yeah, of course. So I'm a 33-year-old man, of course. I'm born and raised in orange county california

i recently moved to miami in april for work i'm a i'm an executive leadership at paycor we're a payroll and hr tech firm so i was very excited to take the um leap of faith and move all the way across the country and um yeah you know it's been a great experience so far and I love being here. And I was so happy when we first met because I'd done a lot of research and had worked with previous coaches in the past and really didn't have a lot of success until we met. So I was happy that once we connected and been able to implement a lot of the things that we talked about and have learned i've learned over time has been pretty it's been almost a miracle i i really do think it's i really do think it's that powerful because the person i was uh in in my head you know looking back when it came to confidence when it came to you know how to structure a right date you know what to say what to do all those things you know because i was in sales i never really had a problem asking questions and being myself. I never really struggled with the anxiety that a lot of guys out there struggle with.

A lot of it was really tactical. I was going on dates, meeting women from different dating apps, and going in person and having a great conversation like you and I are, but that connection just wasn't quite there. I was asking the wrong questions. I wasn't initiating enough touch. There were so many little hidden things and improvements that I made that drastically improved the success of my dating life. And I wouldn't be able to do it without you. Thanks, man. Well, hey, I might be Yoda, but the force is strong in you, John. Yoda could only help Luke because Luke had the force inside of him. So you're the one going on the dates.

You're the one these women have liked. But thank you. Okay, let's back up to before you and I first spoke. What were some of your core dating problems that you were just like, oh man, I really want to fix this. I am so done with this problem. What was bugging you? I think the first thing was the quality dates I was going on.

And and how I was, you know, when I was in sales, we see how we run an appointment. Well, when I was running a date, I was doing a good job at asking questions that the flow was there. But it was never really advancing to a second or third day because of certain things I was doing before meeting you and learning some of these best practices that was one thing um confidence wise you know i always thought myself as a you know an eight an eight eight out of ten right and i think that you know coming to the understanding after you know one exercise i think we did together was writing down all the things that i like about myself or i'm proud about myself the awesome list yeah right yeah the awesome list

and i was surprised at how many things i was able to come up with and i'll tell you what that instant when i was done doing that exercise with you i remember going out on a date that night maybe maybe the next night and the level of which I carried myself, the level of which I saw myself, I started thinking myself as a 10, as an 11, right? And you and I have talked about women I've dated since. And, you know, sometimes when you've been in a relationship a long time, there's a lot of guys that are, you know, I'm sure that you're looking at this video or wondering, hey, you know, I've been out of the dating game for three, four years. I was in a relationship. I'm not sure what's changed and what to do. When we first met, having going through the modules, going through the trainings,

going through the coaching sessions really refreshed me. But also, you know, I learned, you know, what, what does a good date look like? You know, what does a good conversation look like? What is, what, what is the importance of physical touch on a first date? A lot of different elements there. Let's back up and talk about some of the things you were doing wrong. Yeah. Only because that's how a guy can say, oh, I'm doing that. I got to stop doing that. What were some of the mistakes you were making on first dates? I think the biggest one that comes to mind is physical touch, whether that's a simple high five, you know, if we're at the bowling alley or for the shooting range or at Topgolf, something where that you could, you know, applaud your date for doing something, doing that, just

starting off with that is such an easy way to really build that you know build that connection and before i learned some of those those techniques i was just kind of sitting in my chair drinking my drink and just sitting and just asking questions i'm gonna read your mind ready i'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt.

You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Conal's coaching is right for you. On your call, Conal or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman.

That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye.

I really wasn't initiating enough touch. And I've learned since I started doing that, that the dates go much better. And not only do they go much better, they advance to another date or third date and so on and so forth. Yeah. I think the biggest secret to physical touch in doing it in a way that's charming and it makes sense to women and is not creepy is simply having, having a G rated reason to touch like, Oh, Hey, let me hold this golf club here. Here's how you want to hold the golf club. Or one of my favorites is the jewelry inspection. 10, 15 minutes into the date, you grab her hand and you say, oh, what's up with this jade bracelet? What's the story here? While holding up her hand. It makes sense to women as opposed to what guys do wrong, which is, oh,

let me put my hand on your thigh and leave it there like a sweaty dead fish before you and I even have rapport as people. So have a reason for that physical touch as opposed to just the dead salmon hand. Exactly. I think it's all about being your authentic self, right? Not trying something you read online or a buddy maybe had told you. Get advice from someone that knows what they're talking about, someone that's been out there like yourself and let that happen naturally. When you try and force something in any part of your dating life,

they're going to feel that. They're going to feel it in some way. And I remember going on dates and when I was, before we had met and I was trying to do that physical touch, I felt uneasy. It felt scripted. It did not feel authentic. And it also felt awkward, like you said. So I think that was one of the biggest things I learned

and one of the things I still do to this day on every date that I go on. And I really think really doing that the right way comes down to how you approach it, right? So if you're just touching someone just to touch them and you're nervous it, right? So if you're just touching someone just to touch them and you're nervous and you're touching them, you're probably not going to get the right feedback or it's probably not going to move forward. Okay. I'm going to put a little pressure on you in a good way. What I love about helping guys like you is often a guy starts to innovate. He comes up with the things that he loves to say of whether it's a funny joke or a way he likes to initiate touch or a really fun, silly question that you

found works for you. Are there any John specific moves you've learned that work like a charm for you that our listener might want to hear? Yeah, I think one that comes to mind is um you know i i mean it really depends on the scenario of the date you know where where you're at um before we had met i was going on traditional dates where we just you know simply going to dinner right not going on you know not doing a fun activity that i like or not going out for drinks. I was committing to a full on expensive dinner and thinking that would woo her over. So I think learning the right setting, you know, everything, the mechanics, everything from sitting next to someone. Like I remember that was a big thing,

big game changer for me that you taught me, right? Rather than being on an interview, feeling like an interview. Now, for me, it was different because I've been in sales for my entire career over a decade so i was used to having that conversation but you know women are in a similar sense to a lot of the guys or listeners that we have are nervous on their first date so creating that setting where you're able to sit and sit next to them at a bar you know at the bar it's it's much easier to have conversation. I think it pulls their guard down. And for me, it also makes a lot of, like, for example, touching a lot easier versus

reaching across the table and doing some awkward thing. It's much easier to do something if they're next to you like this. And so I remember that being, you know, a big game changer. That was one of the first things I implemented. And just like i said before i saw the success i saw that i saw the difference it made going forward going to a next date or you know going to another bar after that first place that was another thing i i really enjoyed and learned learned from you was hey if there's pick a place that's near them you know if you have an idea what city to live in pick a fun places near them. You know, if you have an idea of what city they live in, pick a fun places near them, but also pick a place where you can go somewhere else afterwards, you know, keep that date, you know, within, within a normal range. But if it's going well, have that place in your mind, Hey, Connell, I've got a great spot really down the street that I'd

love to go love, love to take you to, you know, would you be open to going or does that sound fun? That was also another thing that I, that I remember doing and still do to this day. That makes a huge difference. Yeah. Women love a man with a plan. Yes, they do. And just being that guy who can, with certainty and confidence, say, hey, you know what? We'll finish these drinks. And I know a really fun spot we can bounce to next. And then just women, did you see the way... Well, let me ask you. I don't know. I wasn't there. How did women start reacting to you when you began to take that leadership role? Do you remember?

Yeah. I mean, I remember, you know, one of the things I remember you telling me was psychologically going to two different places versus just going to one place and calling it a night. You know, if it's not going well, it's one thing to cut it off and say, you know, walk her to a car. But if it's going well, and you still have time in the evening or whatever time of day it is,

going to a second date, in the back of their mind, once the date's over, in their head, you've had two dates on one date. So on the third date, you know, the escalation is much more than just one. And so that was something I thought was interesting and definitely was true that I saw when I was out in the field, so to speak. Nice.

Do you have any fun stories from early on in your working with me? A moment, an aha moment you had where a woman reacted to you or said this, or you had a breakthrough moment. Can you bring us into a specific moment that comes to your mind when you feel like, hey, I'm really getting this. Some good things are happening. Tell us a story if you got one. Yeah. I think once I took that leap of faith, going back to implementing touch in my dates, I noticed that the women, if I was doing a good job and not being creepy and being myself and authentic, they'd often touch me back in a certain way. I'd feel the touch of them on my arm or my knee. So I knew I was doing that right. Right. And other things, you know, obviously come to mind, too. But that was something that I think about all the time and that I just, you know, just happened a few weeks ago when I went on a date with a girl, uh, took her to top golf and, you know, she, she hit it. She never golfed

before. And, you know, she hit the ball out of the park and I gave her a high five and then I went up, I totally blew it. And then the next shot, I had a great shot. She did it back. So, um, that, that, that's something that, that, that I find just incredible. That's something I never thought would, would be an impact, uh, on, on a date up until, up until I learned that. Golf dates are great, by the way. I used to play a lot of golf and, uh, mini golf, the driving range. Have you had mini golf dates? Yeah. I went on a mini golf date back when I was living in California and a girl with a girl from LA and she was terrible. Right. So it gave me an opportunity, uh, and, and, and the right way to tease her and create that, and create that intimacy and rapport, you know, versus just sitting down at a bar, you know, and you got to think how many guys are taking women out to a bar.

You know, when you come up with a fun idea, like mini golf, like bowling, like golf, like going, like going to the driving range, I always try to do something that I enjoy as well. Because when I'm in an environment that I feel good at, comfortable at, or that I really like, I seem to do a better job. I seem to have more success. And also, you know, if it's a date that, for example, going back to the driving range, I love to golf. If she's receptive and maybe she hasn't golfed before, but is having fun with it and she's trying, let's say we're six months down the road, I know that maybe one day I could bring her out with me on the course. So I think picking date locations for hobbies that you like, other than bars sometimes,

are great ideas. And I certainly implemented those throughout my, since we started. Right. And there's some nice bonuses to a golf date. There's something old school, sexy, manly about teaching, not mansplaining, I should clarify, but teaching a woman something.

Saying, hey, let's go, let's hit the range. You've never played golf before. Let me show you how to swing the club. There's something nice about bringing her into your world that women like. Yes. And that feels good to us. I went on many golf range dates back in the day and a few bowling dates. As a white guy from Ohio, I was legally required to bowl growing up.

Cheese fries were served every day at school as part of the bowling lunch. No, so I went on many bowling dates. And then also, I don't know if this is your sense of humor or not, John, but every other word in golf is dirty, right? Shaft, balls, grip it harder. It's just like, it's impossible not to say sexually ambiguous things when you're on a golf date and it can make some fun sparks happen. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence.

For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks,

but you don't, so that you can. Confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback,

Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Yeah, and I remember just adding those, you know, even though sometimes we say it to our guy friends, like that's what she said. Or, you know, I remember implementing that at the driving range, you know, when, for example, the shaft, you know, I'd make some funny joke.

And again, you know, you're trying to make, you're trying to be yourself. You're trying to make them feel comfortable while also having a good time. And going back to what you said, I think when you're physically teaching them something like golf, you can come up behind them appropriately and show them how to hit the club. And that, again, that's driving more intimacy. That's not, that's not creepy. That doesn't feel natural. And it certainly has helped me. And the great thing about a bowling date is you're, you can't help, but look at her butt. Yeah. And her look at yours. Not that I have one. Are you in the no butt club? I'm a buttless guy. Yeah. I haven't been doing enough squats,

Carl. There's a, there's an Amber alert out from my butt. Hopefully someday it'll be found. Awesome. Let's switch topics to, let's talk about, you said something earlier to me today. You said that back in the day you struggled with confidence and just feeling that women, certain women were out of your league. Talk about if you would, the change you've seen. How do you, what, how did you feel before? How do you feel now about being in the league of beautiful, awesome women? Yeah. You know, the biggest thing that comes to mind is unfortunately I lost my hair. You know, my dad passed that down to me. So when you and I first met, I, I, I finally come to grips with shaving my head and being bald and being, but being confident in it. There are women out there,

there's way more women than I thought that love bald men, right? And it certainly comes down to, you know, the way that you dress, to the way you're groomed, there's other things that obviously impact it. But I remember when we first met and I was going through the modules and trainings and our Q&As together,

that was a shift I had to do in my head to say, Hey, you know what? There there's guys like the rock out there. There's guys like Jason Statham. There's guys, there's so many guys out there from a celebrity standpoint, professional, professional players that are with, you know, beautiful woman. So that was certainly something I had to get out of my head. And then once I changed that frame of thinking, like I said, it was crazy as I started implementing all these thinking, like I said, it was crazy. As I started implementing all these things, these tools and tips and suggestions, it's crazy how much I saw the return. When we partnered together, I was questioning the outcome I was going to get.

And I remember implementing certain things. I didn't try to implement too many things on one date. But going back to confidence, I was definitely insecure about being bald because I know there's guys out there that have amazing hair like yourself, right? Who I thought women only want to date guys with hair. And that was a complete internal lie in my head that I had to let go and move on. And I certainly, they brought it up on dates. They said, well, why do you shave your head? You still have some hair. I said, you know what? I just own it.

And I don't try and hide it. There's a lot of guys out there that are, you know, they've got some hair back here. And they're just rocking that, just trying to hold on for dear life. I've had so many women say, oh, my gosh, I can't believe, like, you're so confident about it. Like, you know, you look great. And there's other things you can do, like by growing a nice face. I just shaved recently, but having a nice beard offset at your fashion of what you're wearing. You know, if you work out and, you know, or you're looking to increase the level of fitness, you know, being a more muscular

state, there's so many things you can do to offset that, but it all really comes down to mindset. And so when I finally switched that mindset to, hey, you know what, there's plenty of guys out there just like me, we lost their hair and have great success with women with, you know, beautiful women too. It's not, I was also thinking at that time, well, okay, if I'm bald, I can't date those pretty women on hand your bumble, or I can't have a woman at a bar because i'm bald right so that was something that stood out to me and as and as we worked on my confidence together um i was shocked i was shocked at at the not only the number of women i was getting matches with but the responses i was getting in person you know when they touched my head or something and make a

comment like i was in my head the whole time before we had met, you know, just shooting myself in the head going, I can't do it. I don't, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm bald and I'm not, I can't date beautiful women because I'm bald. And that was a complete internal, you know, lie to myself. So. Right. That's so important. You just, you just said the most important thing, maybe in everything that I coach, which is to, we need to, as men who are struggling with dating, we need to uncover the biggest belief we have about ourselves that's holding us back and then transform that and flip that. And for you, it sounds like it was perhaps something like, oh, women don't want to date a bald or a balding man, or at least not quality

women. And it's that very self-doubt that keeps a guy from approaching or going on the dates or taking some kind of risk. And it's sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy where, oh, if I feel like I'm not good enough, too bald, in my case, it was too nerdy. I'm not muscular. I'm kind of a nerd. I like musical theater. I'm not super masculine, or at least not in the classical way. And I got the dating results that that mindset told me I deserved. So first we got to flip that confidence, at least begin to flip it. So going back to that exercise, I should have mentioned this earlier. So what you can do

listening to this right now is take out a piece of paper or wherever you write things down and write down a minimum of 10 specific things that you can point to that make you a really good catch for any woman. Don't overthink it. In fact, John, you probably don't have your list memorized, but what are three or four things from your awesome list? In other words, reasons why you're an awesome choice for women. Yeah, you know, it's funny you say that you mentioned the list. I still have that notepad file on my phone. And so sometimes when I'm going on a date with a woman that I,

you know, in my head, she's out of my league, she's out of my league, out of my league. I read through that document, that notepad on my phone, right before I walk into the bar, walk into the driving range, wherever I'm going, I'm reading through those. I'm reading them out loud too. And it's amazing to shift. When I get out, when I open my car door, I'm a completely different man as I was when I was driving on the way to this date. And some of the things that stood out to me, I was blessed with good genetics and I work out. So I always tell myself, hey, I'm in good shape.

I'm a muscular guy. I might not be as smart and as smart as you, but I know that I'm in shape. I know that I have a great career. Dude, you got muscles in places where I don't have places. So I try to play to my strengths and think about those things. And being muscular is one. Women love big arms, but some women don't.

But I remember going, and I still to this day, when I go into a date, I'll read through that same exact notepad that I created with you when we first started. Others include my career. I mentioned that earlier that I was in sales. I've been the number one rep in the country at a company like ADP with 60,000 employees or paychecks with 40,000 employees. So being able to, knowing that I was a good salesperson and having stories to tell without bragging about myself, you know, if they asked me where I've traveled to, I said, you know, I went to Italy on a trip that was paid by my work because I was the number one rep at the company. And I'd show them a picture of, you know, a signed Blake Shelton guitar because Blake Shelton came to one of these trips and performed in front of our company itself, no one else. So I think about my career. I think about the shape that I'm in physically.

I think about my eyes. I remember I was blessed with green eyes. Sometimes they're blue. Women tell me they change color. That might be true. It might be not. But I write down that i have nice eyes um i write down that i've got a lot of friends you know that i've if i if someone was to ask you know one of my friends what's what's john like they say he's a he's a loyal friend um gosh there's there's quite a bit um those are all fantastic i love those they're all specific to you so here's what you're here's what the awesome here's what your awesome list looks like. I do this with every client. I'd love you listening to this to do this today.

Do it right now. Is write down 10 specific things that make you feel good about yourself, that you bring to the dating table. I don't care how small it is, even if it's tiny and specific. I make a mean French toast. I have a regular job or I don't have a job, but I have a plan to get one. Maybe you're short, maybe you're not a model, but you're in good physical shape. The bottom line is, and here's why this is so important, in any given moment, our confidence or lack thereof is going to come from what we

focus on and how we interpret that focus. So think about it. You used to interpret your hairline as I am not enough. And you felt that way. And you got the results of a guy who felt that way. You changed your interpretation. You said, women love cool, shaved head men. I'm Jason Statham, or I'm my version of Jason Statham. I'm Kojak. That's a really old reference because I'm 97 years old. But you transformed what that meant to you. That transforms your confidence. And guess what every woman on the planet is attracted to in a man. Confidence. Every woman's got a different blueprint. Some like skinny gingers, some like ripped shaved head dudes, but every woman likes confidence. So anyway, do this awesome list at home because I promise as much as I can promise you anything,

I can promise you that you're going to have a 25 to 50% instant improvement in your confidence just by looking at this list and saying, whoa, maybe I am enough. Maybe I'm not too nerdy, too short, too ugly, too fat, whatever. Maybe I have a lot to bring to the table. Okay. End of sermon. I go off on a tangent. Yeah, no, I agree with you, Connell. And I think like when I was

writing down those things, small, small things that I, at first, before I wrote it down, didn't think it was a big, you know, big deal or something that was cool about me, but writing it down, just simply that exercise. I remember, like you said, 50% better. I felt 80% better, to be honest with you. That instant when I did that, and to this day, I'm still looking at that list whenever I'm getting self-doubt or, you know, feeling like I'm feeling insecure or not confident. I rip that thing back out and read it right before a date to this day. And then we've been working together for over a year or so. So it's a great best practice. Highly recommend it to any of your listeners.

Awesome. Do me a favor. Tell me one more quick anecdote, quick story about another moment that stands out in your dating highlight reel. Keep it, you know, be a gentleman. Keep it PG. But, you know, because I remember when I was working on my dating life 15 plus years ago, I remember a couple of things. I remember the first time a woman ever, we were on a date.

I had really gotten good at flirting and teasing, but teasing with that flirtatious vibe as opposed to just cracking jokes. And I just remember this woman was loving it. And she said, hey, why don't we go back to your place? I've never had a girl say that to me in my life. And I also remember a different night, sorry, a different week where I had three dates and three successive nights. And I had made out with every girl toward the end of the date. And I walked home, like, like floated home thinking, oh my gosh, all these women are kind of into me now.

I didn't know I could do this. So anyway, those are two examples from my dating history. What other moments jump out and make you think, oh man, that was a good date or went great with her? Yeah. You know, I think it goes back to when I was still in California, I remember going on a date with that girl from the mini golf. And I remember, you know, like I said, she was not a great, not a great, you know,

mini golf player by all means. But, you know, we had such a great time, so many laughs, so many opportunities to flirt and tease. And I remember it had gone so well that, you know, I was walking her to her car and was holding her hand. Another great, another great tip that, you know, I learned from you, if, when the timing's right, don't force it. But if you're, if you're feeling like you could make that leap of faith, grab her hand and walk her to her car. And I remember walking to her car and this was early on when we first started working together. So I wasn't a hundred percent confident to, to, to kiss her or to, or to put,

or to make, to make that next move. But I remember she grabbed me, she, she grabbed me by the, by the back of the neck and pulled me in and said, give, give me a big one.

So, you know, I, I made out with her and I can't tell you how, gosh, I can't remember the last time I had done that on a, on a first date. You know,

I was always, you know, taught or always thought that's, you know, that's overkill or that's too much. It's, it's, it's really based on the scenario, but because of how I ran that date, so to speak, because of the, because, because all the things that we did throughout the day, I think it really brought her guard down. And I was, you know, we had a great kiss and I think the next day she invited me over to her house and let's just say it was a good time after that. You played Jenga, so to speak.

Yeah, exactly. That's fantastic. I can't wait for you at home to have this moment. I remember the first night I ever had a woman who just wanted to hook up with me just to hook up. I've never been a one night stand guy ever. I've always wanted to keep dating a woman if just wanted to hook up with me just to hook up. I've never been a one night stand guy ever. I've always wanted to keep dating a woman if we vibed. I remember one night early on when I'd really gotten good at this authentic, flirty approach to dating that I teach. Spent the night at a cool, quirky woman's apartment in New York City. And we had a great night. I remember something she said. We were lying on her bed at one point and she had her head on my chest and she took a deep breath and she said, you smell like an Irish boxer. I don't even know what that means.

That's her type. Okay. I'm happy that I was her type. But but anyway so we had a fun night and i was excited about meeting her and i texted her the next day to say hey super psyched to see you again when are you free and she sent me a text that said connell it was great meeting you last night i had so much fun i wish you the best of everything yeah and i'm standing on a street corner and i'm thinking i'm looking at my phone i'm like oh my god oh my God, she just wanted to use me for my body. This is amazing. I'm looking around for somebody to high five because I'd never had a woman who just wanted to have me as her boy toy.

I was open to more, but, and I'm not saying that's the secret to happiness, but for a guy who felt so rejected by women for so much of my life, insignificant, unattractive, at least to certain kinds of women, that was just a really cool moment. So I'm not saying you have to have the man meat aha moment, but I'm sure women look at your muscles and tattoos and say, Ooh, yeah, let's have some fun. Definitely. I, you know, I was, you know, going through the program, you know, going through the training, you know, that's, let's just say the number of women that I was, you know, hooking up with, you know, before and after, you know, I was, I was, let's just say I wasn't getting lucky, not just on a one night stand, but just they weren't really going anywhere.

They kind of saw me as a friend and I've been put in the friend zone before. And I think we've talked about that in the past. And so implementing a lot of these things and a lot of these things are so small, but they have such a huge impact, at least for me. And there's so many examples I can think of, but I tell you, you know, after I first started from, from when I started, you know, a year and a half, two years ago till now, it's, it's, it's, it's amazing how much, how much I've improved, you know, and I'm proud of that. And I wouldn't be able to do it without you. And I tell,

and I tell guys that, you know, that are struggling out there some of the things that you share with me and they'll say, wow, you know what? I tried that last night or I sent that text or I changed the way I asked about this. It's astonishing. Let's end with two final topics, John, then I'll let you go. Sure. Let's talk about flirting, whether it's flirting over text, flirting on a date, other than the physical touch and your physical expression, which is clearly part of how you like to flirt with women, which is great. What's another flirting tip you can share with our listener? You know, I like to tease, you know, and every guy has a different way of flirting but and every guy

should go about it the way that they can play their strengths and for me i was always able to make people laugh i like to think i'm a funny guy when i want to be and when i try to but you know i i try to get them i try to bring their guard down by by trying to make them laugh not being someone i'm not i still try to remain as authentic as possible but tease them about something you know we talked about um we talked about the woman that couldn't golf and i remember you know saying wow and i made this i made a comment like my grandma could do better than you or just something something way out there she's like oh my gosh i can't you know that's that's so mean but you know she was totally was totally into it was totally appropriate but i think teasing for for me um and and also

having a kind of a future state of mind like saying you know gosh what was another one um you know i can't believe you're looking at me like this you're looking at me like a piece of dessert you know there's little like little things and every day scenario is, is different. And you have to, you have to be mindful of how it's going, who your audience is. And, but I, you know, try to be yourself and try to make them laugh. If you're not a funny guy, you know, I'm sure, I'm sure a lot of guys out there can be witty, right? And so, you know, creating that type of banter back and forth, that witty banter was also another thing that I, I, that I did. And I still do to this

day that really makes a difference. Yeah. Here's the right way to tease a girl. The right way to tease a woman is to find something about her behavior that she wouldn't take personally and joke about her, as you just said, her bad golf swing. Oh my God, I can't. I can't date you. Anybody who swings like that, come on. Or, you know, comparing her to your grandma. The mistake that guys should not make is don't tease her about something that she could actually take offense to, like her weight, her size, her dog.

So keep the teasing very surface level. That turns you into that kid at school who's pulling on her pigtails, where the cute girl in school is like, oh, I don't like it, but she kind of likes it because it's you showing that you like her. So that's a great example that you gave. Okay. Final question for you, bro. Sure. You've mentioned it a few times, being authentic. Talk about how you let your authentic self come out and what that has meant to your dating life. In your own words, fire away. Yeah. You know, I think a lot of people get the wrong advice and they go into a date from advice from maybe a friend that has had success in dating. It doesn't mean whatever he says go well isn't going to be relevant to her.

It's not going to connect with her. And so, you know, it started off by me just owning who I am and not trying to change who I am for a particular woman. You know, there's, there's, and it really depends on the scenario of the woman place you're going to, but you know, a great example I can give is I remember I went to I went to a date with a girl at a bar, a speakeasy actually. It's one of my favorite things to do. I think it's a great date idea. It's very intimate, very quiet, a lot easier to make conversation and really make it more, make it feel like a date. And so I remember going in

there and there was a music playing, live music playing. And I remember there was a guy, you know, dancing with another woman. And I was thinking, oh, well, you know what? If I can't be that guy, if I can't go out and dance with that guy, like she's not going to like me. This isn't going to go anywhere. But what I did is rather than do that, I think somewhere else in the room, they had like a dartboard, random dartboard somewhere. And I love playing darts. I'm not a pool guy. I'm terrible at playing pool. But this place had happened to have a dart room. And I was like, Hey, you may want to go play, shoot some darts. And I was doing, you know, I was again, another, another area where you could show a woman

how to do something that you're good at. Even if you're not good at it, just going and having fun and making it, making it fun for her and showing that, and again, showing her how to do it and then playing a game rather than trying to be that guy on the dance floor. And you can certainly do that. And there's times when I've that I've made that leap of faith and have gone and dance somewhere. And my authentic self is more about having a good time rather than thinking about, am I and am I and am I a famous professional dancer or my John? You know, and so I think, you know, we're keeping that in mind throughout the dating process. Whether it's the first date, the third, or, you know, even going into, you know, a

relationship, you have to be yourself. You don't, don't say things, don't do things that you're not comfortable with. Don't do, don't say or do things because someone else told you to do it. Do it because it's who you are and do it because of your character. You know, most, I'm sure a lot of the guys that are listening are deep down good people. And so taking advice from somebody else who's had a lot of success in dating doesn't mean that's going to work for you, but there's certain guys, there's some principles and best practices that you you've taught me, Colin, Colin, sorry. Colin. I just changed my name to Colin right now. My coffee's wearing off from today.

But, you know, you have to be yourself. And that's a vague thing to say, but it really plays out in a lot of different situations. And that speakeasy day was a great example because I was starting to get in my head. I was starting to think, well, you know, I should go burn on the dance floor and attempt to do something just to make her happy or just to look like that guy on the dance floor. But I kind of, you know, audibled and said, wow, you know, there's a dartboard around the corner. Why don't we grab the drinks and go play darts?

And I remember we played a game and, you know, another area to tease, make fun, ask questions, implement, touch. Just a great example that I do on a consistent basis. Yeah, you're great at the activity dates. Axe throwing, darts, bowling, golf. These are great things to do in those first one to three dates. Yeah, it's crazy.

Go ahead. I remember one thing, Connell, that you taught me was there's a hinge prompt that allows you to suggest a date idea besides drinks and i remember when not only when i made that change because of what you told me i started noticing women were in the same frame of mind they don't want to go out on another date with a guy just to grab drinks they want to go do something fun so i would see the exact same prompts on their profile. I hit like and make a comment. And I was like, wow, okay. So it's not just me out there that wants to do an activity day. You don't have to do an activity day. I just knew that there's, for me, I like doing activity days. I know that deep down, that's who I am. I played almost every sport under the sun and I like to think I'm athletic and pick things up pretty fast.

So that was something that I did early on and that I still do to this day. You know, and I go. That's a great prompt on Hinge, which is it's the instead of drinks, let's multiple choice poll. So the way to frame phrase it is instead of drinks, let's, and then three choices. You want to make the first two choices genuine, fun, non-drinking dates. And it works to make the third one a funny punchline. So right now you could write, instead of drinks, let's A, play pool, B, see a comedy show see taser elon musk or or whatever would be a fun punch line c could be double date with taylor and travis yeah and what you're what you're doing is giving women a chance to not only heart the activity dates which lots of women would love to see a comedy show or play

pool they might laugh at the third one the the punchline, and you got basically three chances for a match in one prompt. So that's the single best prompt on Hinge that I endorse. 100%. I think when we first met, there was the whole Kanye thing. Yeah. I forget which one we used. Yeah, but we did the Kanye one. And I can't tell you how many women liked that one. And the conversation went from there. So highly recommend it. Fantastic. John, you've come so far

and now you're enjoying a lot of different women, having lots of different experiences. I can't wait until you find the one. She's not far off, but enjoy the journey of a confidence and abundance and authenticity. And thank you so much for coming on, man. I appreciate it.

Of course. Anytime, Connell. My pleasure. Hey, if you would like to be like John and date beautiful women and have lots of awesome breakthroughs and potentially work with me, here's what you can do. You can go to my website, datingtransformation.com, and we can do a free assessment call, no pressure, just to see if we might be a good fit to work together. So just go to datingtransformation.com and click the book a call button if that interests you.

And if it doesn't, that's cool too. Keep listening to the pod and I'll give you all my best tips every single week. Okay. That's the end of the episode. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, your dream girlfriend, she's already out there and she's already super into you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. See you next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation Podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies,

go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.