How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Does Love (and Life) Feel Like a Grind? The ‘3 Classes of Experience’ Will Set You Free

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

Ever feel like dating—and life—is just a grind? This episode will change how you experience both so you can feel much more fulfilled. Dating coach Connell Barrett introduces the 3 Classes of Human Experience, a powerful self-improvement framework that Connell and his clients use to make dating fun. (What? Dating can be fun? Who knew!) And nothing’s more attractive to women than a guy who actually enjoys life.You’re About to Learn:01:10: The Mindset Shift that Transformed Connell’s Entire Life06:37: The 3 Classes of Human Experience: How to Go from Coping to Thriving12:05: Why Your Love Life is Stuck in the ‘Class 2’ Grind—and How to Escape20:32: The Most Powerful Self-Improvement Shift You Can Achieve Today29:01: The Key Move that Makes Talking to Women So Much Easier36:55: The Simple Way to Change Your Whole Life, Not Just Your Love LifeHit play and start living—and dating—the way you were meant to.FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[e-mail]

you are going to have to choose your future girlfriend from two, three, four great options because women are just fine men like this who go through life feeling good, giving value, being authentic. They're just like, please, please be my boyfriend. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. As always, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend.

And do it with authenticity. Do it by being your best, truest, most real badass you. And today's gonna be a different kind of episode. Today I'm not gonna give you 17 tips and strategies to get her texting you, although I love doing those episodes too. I'm gonna do a departure today because I want to help you transform

not just your love life, but I wanna help you transform the overall quality of your life. Because if you're like a lot of men and if you're like I used to be, and sometimes I still am this way, then sometimes life just feels really hard. We know that dating is hard, right? If dating was easy for you, you wouldn't be listening to this. But do you ever feel like, oh man, life is hard too. Dating is hard, love is hard, life is a grind. I wanna help you transform that in about 30 minutes. I'm not saying this is a magic bullet.

I don't mean that in a marketing gimmicky way. 30 minutes, everything will be fixed. But I do wanna give you, I wanna help you see the matrix of human experience so that you can get your life a lot more aligned and fulfilled so that you feel better in all areas of your life or many areas of your life and that you can just feel more fulfilled and feel good and bring more reward to yourself and also bring more reward to others. Because a man who gives to the world,

oh man, that man gets so much back in return. So you're about to hear what I call the three classes of human experience. This is not a typical dating episode, although I'm going to talk about dating a little bit, but not as much as I usually do. It's the three classes of human experience. So you're about to see the matrix. You're about to see the matrix of why you feel like life is a grind. And then we can hopefully help you fix some of this, or at least learn how to fix it in about 30 minutes. So here we go. I want to start with a story, and I will start with a dating story before I branch out into non-dating topics. Over a decade ago, in the late double zeros, circa 2010, I'm in San Diego. I'm at a bar at a patio lounge on a beautiful warm Southern California night, the ocean.

You can hear the waves lapping on the beach a couple hundred yards away, a beautiful San Diego night. I'm in a lounge and I had just begun my journey of trying to meet women in the real world, going out and talking to women, approaching. And I was having a tough night. I was having a really tough night. Three or four different times I tried to walk up to a really pretty, stylish, long-legged SoCal girl. And man, they are gorgeous in California, in Southern California. And I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I think I talked to one woman for about 30 seconds. And while I was talking to her, a guy who was in her circle criticized, fucked with me.

He said, hey, look, it's Conan O'Brien. And I got in my head and I felt insecure and I felt on the spot and I left. And that was the only girl I talked to the whole night. And I wanted to talk to 10 others and I never did. So I slumped my shoulders, I slumped back to my hotel and I get in the elevator of the hotel lobby in the gas lamp district, I think it was. And I get in the elevator and I'm so frustrated, I slam my head against the elevator wall five or six times while saying and doing this,

you suck, you suck, you suck. I was so hard on myself. Don't worry, I didn't hurt myself. I didn't draw blood. It wasn't that hard, but I wasn't gonna give myself a concussion. But man, I was really conflicted. I wanted to talk to women.

I wanted to go meet girls. I wanted a girlfriend. I wanted love. I wanted to grow and be confident. But the very act of walking up to a woman and flirting and chatting, it just felt, it just didn't feel good. It felt bad. It felt scary. It felt like rejection. It felt like self-judgment. And the one girl I talked to, some guy messed with me. And every other time I couldn't even take action. So what was going on that night inside of me? Well, here's what was going on.

Inside of everyone, there are three, let's call them human experiences. There are three kinds of human experiences one can have. Everything you do every day of your life, everything you do falls into one of three classes of experience. Shouldn't say everything you do falls into one of three classes of experience. I shouldn't say everything you do, but most of what you do. Hobbies, your job, playing a sport, going to the gym, listening to music, being with

certain people, approaching a girl, going on a date, paying your taxes. And basically, virtually, virtually, everything you do, let's call each of these things vehicles, okay? Each of these things is a vehicle to experience life. And there are only three, well, there's three core experiences, what I call the three classes of human experience. There's class one, class two, class three. I'm going to go through them and explain what each of them is.

And what was happening that night to me in San Diego is I was having what's called a class two experience. Approaching women, talking to girls was a struggle for me because of the way I was Interpreting that vehicle that behavior inside of myself. It was all between my ears. Okay It was a struggle. It was it was about conflict thinking that this was gonna feel bad. And So I wish I had known that then because I could have fixed it, but now I get it I wish I had known that then because I could have fixed it, but now I get it. So what I'm gonna do for you right now is

if you'll be patient, let me lay this out for about five minutes. I'm gonna share with you what these three classes of human experiences are. I'm gonna go through, explain each one, and then I'm gonna tell you exactly how you can make some changes both in dating and perhaps in life outside of dating and add more enjoyment and fulfillment, less struggle, more enjoyment, and more good feelings. And let's get

to it. Okay. So there are three classes of human experience. Class one, I call this the ideal experience. That is any vehicle in your life, anything you do, that meets three, checks three boxes. Something that feels good, it's good for you, and it's good for others. That's class one, an ideal experience. A class two, I call the necessary struggle.

A class two experience is something that feels bad, but it's good for you, at least in theory, and it's good for others, at least in theory. So for example, in San Diego Diego that night I saw approaching and I was turning approaching into the necessary struggle because it felt bad but I knew it was good for me and I knew it would be good for some of the women I met and good for others. That's a class 2 experience and a class 3 experience I call empty comfort. The empty comfort. The class 3 experience I call empty comfort. The empty comfort. The class three experience is something that feels good,

but it's bad for you and bad for others. You run through these really quick, just so we're clear, and then I'm gonna go through each one in more detail. And I'm gonna connect some dots here, and I think this is really gonna be valuable and impactful for you if I do my job right today. Okay, so again, class one experience, the ideal experience, any vehicle in your life

that feels good, it's good for you, good for others. Class two, the necessary struggle, feels bad but good for you and good for others. Class three, it's the one we gotta be aware of. Class three, this thing feels good, but it's bad for you and it's bad for others. So let me take these from the top and give some examples. The ideal experience, well, it's gonna be different

from guy to guy, from person to person. But if there's a sport that you love to play, you love playing soccer, you love volleyball, and you love your weekly volleyball league, and it makes you fit, and you meet, socialize, and have a great time with the people on your team, guess what, class one experience, baby. Feels good, good for you, good for your teammates, right?

Maybe you love playing a musical instrument. I have this amazing client, Ben, who was just texting me audio of a jam session he was on. He did it with his band. He plays drums. That's a class one experience, an ideal experience because playing drums for Ben feels good to him. It's good for him. Good for his mental health. It's good for his band him. It's good for him. Good for his mental health. It's good for his bandmates. It's good for the audience that's cheering, that's chanting out the band's name. Class one ideal experience. Basically anything in your life that lights you up, that feels fun and feels good, that's one experience if it's if it feels good it's good for you and that third element is really important it's good for others it gives back in some way if you're one of the lucky few who loves his job.

Are largely fulfilled by your job guess what. Ideal experience class one ideal experience feels good good for you experience. Feels good, good for you, and it's good for the customers you serve, right? It's good for your coworkers. It's good for a lot of people. Okay, that's class one. For me, class one experience would be, besides coaching, and I'll leave dating out of this for a second.

I'll leave dating out of this and come back to it. For me, a class one experience is doing musical improv doing improv comedy on the stage Because it's fun. It feels good It's playful. It's fun. It's good for my teammates if I have a good show I hope and it's good for the audience if I can be funny at least I'm trying to be good trying to give that value other class one experiences for me would be playing piano, especially when I'm playing for my girlfriend.

I'm writing a song for her birthday and it feels good to practice it. It feels good to get better at piano. It's good mental health. It's good meditation for me and it's gonna make her giggle and smile, I hope. So it's good for one person. That's enough to make it a class one ideal experience.

Okay, this is the sweet spot. This is where you want, this is really a big secret to happiness and fulfillment. You want to fill your life with as many class one experiences as you can. There's your big, one of the big secrets of success and fulfillment in this episode. Fill your life with class one experiences. That's not the only big thing I'm gonna tell you though. In a few minutes, I wanna give you another big, big, big secret to fulfillment, but I'm gonna save it

because it's good. Okay, class two, the class two experience, I call this the necessary struggle. Again, class two experience is something that feels bad, but it's good for you, and it's good for others. So bad, good, and good. This is where a lot of people live, basically. Most people, their jobs. Job sucks, boss is a dick, fighting traffic, man, Mondays suck. Your job probably feels bad often. You don't get paid enough, no bonus this year,

worried about layoffs, or maybe you just don't enjoy the work, very common. But it's good for you, right? Pays your bills, pays your mortgage, puts food on your table. It's good for others too. It's good for the landlord, who you pay rent to. Or if you're a single dad, if you're a parent, it's good for the landlord who you pay rent to. Or if you're a single

dad, if you're a parent, it's good for your kid. Okay, don't love the job but damn it my little baby girl. I got to feed that girl. I love her. I want to be a provider. It's good for others. Working out the gym. For a lot of people that's a class two necessary struggle. Again it feels bad, at least parts of it do. Those crunches feel bad. Paying your trainer feels bad. Just doing it feels like, you know, I used to feel like a hamster on a wheel

when I ran on the treadmill. That did not feel good. But I knew it was good for me. And I knew it was good for others in the sense that, well want my girlfriend to be with a fit trim guy it's good for her when my girlfriend Jess says oh your arms look good it's good for her that I've been hitting the gym so class two is the necessary struggle public speaking my phone that category feels bad but but good for you, good for your audience. Paying your taxes, fuck, everybody hates that.

But it's good for you. I mean, it's good for, well, it's good for the country. It's good for the coffers. And it's good for you because the taxman doesn't throw you in jail. Anyway, so class two is where so many people live most of their lives, I think. And that's really where life feels like a grind.

That's the grind. Class two is the grind, that necessary struggle. And then there's class three. This is a tricky one because it's technically the third class and the lowest, quote, worst class, but here's the trick Here's the thing to be careful about I call class 3 experience the empty comfort The empty comfort because a class 3 experience Feels good

Just like a class 1 does But whereas a class 1 is feels good good for, good for others. Here's class three, feels good, but it's bad for you. And it's bad for others. That's the empty comfort. Class three, bad for you, bad for others. Eating junk food late at night, tastes good, breaks your health if you eat too much of it. Binge drinking, eat too much of it binge drinking drinking too much sure feels good

But boy is that bad for you bad for your liver bad for your sex life bad for your self-confidence And potentially bad for others if you are a sad drunk if you're an angry drunk Here's a quick little tangent. I had a drinking issue, a drinking problem maybe. I'll leave that to others to decide. But I knew that I had to quit drinking whiskey. I was drinking whiskey five, six days a week, two or three drinks a day. I got to a point a couple years ago, my two year soberversary is coming up, but I got to a point a couple years ago where I said this has to stop. Alcohol was a relationship that I had to end.

It was literally and figuratively toxic. It was a class three experience, empty comfort because whiskey felt so good for the first 15 minutes, those first few sips gave me a buzz it allowed me to think about the past in a nostalgic but positive way I'm a happy drunk that feels good but boy was it taking a toll I was 25 pounds overweight I was having trouble performing performing in. I had ED and I know it was alcohol related. I mean, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure because that problem went away after I quit. And it was taking a big toll on my confidence. And other people in my life never said

anything to me, but there were some moments when I could see my drinking was negatively impacting other people. So I had to cut that out. Other class three experiences, that empty comfort, procrastination, even the act of procrastinating, something that you know you need and must do, but you put it off,

that procrastination itself is an empty comfort because it gives you short-term comfort, right? But, so it feels good because you get to not do the scary thing, right? But then it feels, sorry, so it feels good, but it's bad for you because whatever thing you're putting off, it's not gonna help you if you put it off.

You can't hide your head in the sand forever. So yeah, the most common class three empty comforts would be overeating, drinking, smoking, of course, basically any sort of habits like that. Okay, now I wanna get you to another, hopefully a nice big, or at least medium aha moment for you. Here's what you need to do to be fulfilled in life and in love.

You need to fill your life with as many class one experiences as you can. And then what you need to do is you need to do two more things. You need to eliminate class three experiences. Eliminate them. Eliminate the drinking. I'm not, not go sober. I'm not going to be that proselytizer. But if you over drink or if you binge eat, got to get rid of those bad habits. And the real shift for you in terms of your love life and dating is to turn a class two

experience into a class one. So if you want to transform the quality of your life, become so much happier and more fulfilled, get rid of the empty comfort, the class three experiences. They have to go. Just like my drinking had to go. And then look at the class two experiences and turn these necessary struggles into ideal experiences. And guess what dating is for you?

Dating for you, dating sucks. Dating is frustrating. Dating is a grind because for you, dating sucks, dating is frustrating, dating is a grind because for you, dating is a necessary struggle. It feels bad, but you know it's good for you and you know it's good for others, potentially, right? Going on the apps feels bad, but you know it's where you might find love

and where you might get a date and you know It's potentially good for that gorgeous girl who you are hoping to match with into date feels bad But it's good for you and good for others Approaching a beautiful woman, you know, it feels bad. I know that it does Rejection what if what if I get stuck in my head? What if it's awkward? What if I'm weird? Feels bad. But it's good for you. It's so good for you to walk up to somebody and be authentic, to take a chance, to take a romantic risk. And it's good for her, especially if she's single and looking to date you. Then you're bringing something invaluable to her.

You're bringing your authentic self. Dates, first dates, a lot of guys hate first dates, nerves, anxiety, these are big struggles. So what really the most powerful thing I can do for you for these last 10 minutes is give you some strategies and some tips on how to turn dating from a class two to a class one experience. Because that's what I was able to do in my love life. That's why I became a dating coach. If I didn't enjoy this, if I didn't love it, then I wouldn't be coaching it.

So again, 15 or so years ago in San Diego, dating felt bad, approaching felt bad. But I knew it was good for me and I knew it had potential to bring something good to others. So I kept at it. What I was able to do, and what I want for you is to shift approaching and online dating and talking to women and just the whole concept of dating, turn this from a class two into a class one. Because bro, once you look at approaching as something that feels good and it's good for you

and it's good for her, your approach anxiety will dissolve. You will no longer be terrified of talking to a gorgeous woman. I'm not saying there won't be butterflies. Of course there will. You're human. That's healthy. It's normal.

Basically, it's going to be something that feels good, good for you and good for others. So that night in San Diego, basically I saw approaching as a vehicle of rejection. How did I shift this into a class one? How do you shift approaching women or any part of dating into a class one? We attack this in two ways. We attack it from two sides. Equal parts mindset and sides. Equal parts, mindset and mechanics. Equal parts. So we have to get our mindset in a really good smart place to begin to

reframe these different dating vehicles in ways that help us feel good and know that they're good for us and also adjust our mechanics so that dating feels good. And this is a huge topic. Frankly, this is a major part of the coaching I do with guys and this takes a lot more than just a 30-35 minute podcast. But I'll give you the CliffsNotes version of how we can do this or how you can start to do it. Ask yourself, all right, what is the mindset shift I need to make to have this feel good to me? And then what are some mechanics changes? Basically, when I say mechanics, I just mean technique, the how to. So think psychology and what to say, how to say it. I'll give you a couple of strategies for each.

Actually, let me get out of dating for one more second. I wanna give you an example of how you can shift from a class two to a class one in different areas before we get to dating. So here's an example from my life. I used to hate, hate, hate going to the gym. I hated it. I hated it.

And because I hated it, I didn't do it very much. It was a struggle. Or I did it, but I just really didn't enjoy it. And so that was a class two for me, right? Necessary struggle. And I made some changes. My mindset was whenever I go to the gym, I'm a hamster on a wheel, on the treadmill.

And I hated that feeling. However, I changed a couple of things. First of all, I stopped running on a treadmill and I hated that feeling. However, I changed a couple things. First of all, I stopped running on a treadmill. I decided to only run when I'm playing tennis because guess what? When I'm playing tennis and I'm running, feels good. I'm focused on the tennis shot. I'm focused on my opponent.

I'm focused on pretending I'm Roger Federer. That feels good. So now I'm running in a different way that turns running into something that feels good, an ideal experience. So I stopped running at the gym and started running on the tennis court. Boom, from a class two to a class one,

from necessary struggle to ideal experience. Another example of the gym is I discovered that when I work with a trainer, I love the gym or at least I like it. I have this great trainer named Zach. What's up, Zach? When I go and work with Zach, I'm actually excited to go to the gym. Why?

We talk about girls. He has me dating questions. I coach him too. He coaches me with fitness things and we talk music, movies. I have a blast and all of a sudden 60 minutes has passed and I've worked out as hard harder actually Then I would have worked out solo and I've I've felt good about it So simply from shifting from solo gym sessions on the treadmill to working with my personal trainer one-on-one, I

have shifted from class two necessary struggle to class one ideal experience. Here's one more example that's also fitness related. Swimming. I used to hate going to the... hate's a strong word, but I felt the struggle of swimming. 30 minutes in a pool, just swimming back and forth. Oh man, I just was like, I felt like the clock was moving backwards. So these are mindset shifts, I'm kidding you by the way, these aren't yet mechanics shifts. Well, I guess it's a mechanics shift for the gym. So I didn't change my technique. I didn't change the way I swim But what I did is I changed what I focus on I Changed the the mental focus one of the easy one of the simplest ways

It's not easy But one of the simplest ways to go from necessary struggle in life a class 2 to a class 1 ideal experience Is to change your focus shift your focus away from one thing and shift it to something that's more, well, more feel good. So in the pool, what I started to do is I do what I call a confidence kickoff. Every morning I would do a mental, basically meditation, getting my psychology in a very resourceful, positive place and focusing on certain things that make me feel good.

So what I started to do in the swimming pool, instead of focusing on what number lap I was swimming, which was making it feel like 30 minutes, felt like three hours, I would instead go through my mental meditation process, focusing on gratitude, specific things from my present and past that I'm so grateful for, my dad, my mom, my family, my girlfriend, my health. And just shifting my focus, all of a sudden I'm in the pool and like 15, 20 minutes have passed and because I changed my mental focus from the counting laps to counting the reasons I can feel grateful and happy in so many ways, all of a sudden time went by and I realized, holy mackerel, swimming is now a class one experience for me. This now feels good and guess what? The reason

why we want to fill our, the reason why I want you to fill your life with Class 1 experiences is these are things that are good for you. They give back to others. They make you that 1% man that I talk about here. That happy, fulfilled, authentic man who just has so much value to give the world. And he's a giver, he's a contributor. Women love that kind of guy. And also any class one experience, because it feels good to you, you're going to do it more often. It won't feel like a grind or a struggle.

It's going to be something you want to do, right? Because those class one experiences, nobody has to push you into doing it. You do it because you want to because it feels good. You have all these positive associations with it. Okay, let's shift to some some basic strategies for how to go from a class one to a class two in dating. Here are a couple that worked for me. I'll just use my own experiences and maybe these will resonate with you and I'll see if I can, I'll have a couple of clients, at least one client example.

So that night in San Diego, my head, my, slammed my head against the elevator wall that night. What was my focus that night? My focus was rejection. I assumed any approach that was gonna go badly would feel like rejection and that I wasn't enough and then I was a shitty unattractive lame ginger who women

didn't like. So that was a mindset shift. I'm sorry that was a mindset problem that turned approaching into a necessary struggle, made it feel bad. Over time the shift I made is every approach I make every woman I talk to no matter what She says about me whether she loves me or whether she does not want to talk to me Every approach is a 10 out of 10 Because either I get the girl which would feel amazing or I put another brick in the wall of my cathedral as a man. I put another, every approach I put another brick

in the cathedral of my very character as a man. Every time I approach a girl, I'm a protagonist living my hero's journey story. How does that mindset sound to you? Wouldn't that sound great? Wouldn't that feel good if you saw that gorgeous woman in the coffee shop and you said, if I go over to her, I am a hero in my story,

taking chances, looking for love, making her day better or trying to. Man, if that's your mindset with approaching, if you focus on the identity you're tapping into, a hero taking authentic, good intentioned action, that approach anxiety is going to dissipate pretty quickly because you're not focused on her, what if she rejects me? Like, like young or Connell, you're not focused on her, what if she rejects me?

Like, like young or Connell, you're gonna be focused on, oh man, every girl I talk to, boom, I'm building my character. You're turning this mindset shift turns approaching from a vehicle of rejection, like my night in San Diego, into a vehicle of growth, a vehicle of character building, a vehicle of contribution, your choice, or all the above. Basically a vehicle for you to be the hero in your dating story. And knowing that every woman you talk to, it brings you one approach closer to your

girlfriend. So there's a mindset shift. That's how we turn a necessary struggle, class two, into a class one, the ideal experience. The reason I can approach any woman with pretty high comfort and confidence, butterflies at worst, towering confidence at best, is just because I now view approaching as a guaranteed win. Either I get the girl, well, I mean, I'm in a relationship,

but if I was gonna do it, if I was single, either I get the girl or either I get a great response, which will feel awesome, or I say, hey, no worries. I just put another brick in the wall of my awesomeness. And I want you to take that mentality as well. So that's a mindset shift that can take a romantic risk, like approaching or asking out your crush, or making a scary but necessary move on a date.

That kind of mindset can turn a class two into a class one experience. That's where we attack this through mindset. At the same time, we can also make this shift from class two to a class one through mechanics, through technique, basically strategy, good old fashioned what to say and how to say it. And here's an example of how I did that. And I've had a couple clients do it. I used to, let me shift to first dates.

I've been talking about approaching a lot. Let me shift to a first date. On first dates, I used to, my mechanics, my strategy was, I'm gonna try really hard to be funny and to make her laugh. Now that's not the worst strategy in the world because hey, women wanna laugh on a date. But it wasn't the best dating strategy

because women don't really, generally speaking, women don't wanna date a standup comedian. Women are looking to date a confident, genuine dude who can be a little bit funny, who can combine funny and flirty. Okay? So that nice sweet spot of funny and flirty is what women tend to want, not stand-up comedy jokes. So I made a mechanics change on my first dates. The mechanic change was basically, I'm gonna stop trying to be dancing monkey, Krusty the Clown,

and I'm actually gonna let my sincere smart ass side come out, but I'm not gonna do it to try to get her to laugh so much as I'm gonna do it as try to try to get her to laugh so much as I'm going to do it as an extension of my expression. So basically basically the mechanics shift was I'm gonna be cheeky and sincere crack jokes now and then but also I'm gonna and also flirt I'm gonna combine funny and flirty that's really what I did funny and flirty funny and flirty tied funny and flirty, tied in the bow of authenticity. And that technical change, that mechanics-based shift

helps my first dates go a lot better. I stopped getting stuck in the quote friend zone, had a much, much, much higher batting average and women wanted to have second and third dates with me. That was a big game changer, like a major. That's a mechanics shift. So what we can do is look at, so I guess what I want you to do is look at the different areas of your dating life that make you feel bad, right? Is it swiping

on the apps? What's a mindset shift you could apply to dating apps in addition to a technical shift, right? A technical or mechanics shift might be addition to a technical shift right a technical or mechanics shift might be switching to a different app putting in different photos doing some good smart research on what works and changing your prompts right that's mechanics the mindset shift would be going from dating apps don't work they suck to hey wait a minute I trust Connell I know that dating apps don't work, they suck, to hey wait a minute, I trust Connell, I know that dating apps work, it's just a matter of adjustment and action. My mindset shift with dating apps was dating apps aren't dating. Dating apps are

digital marketing and this is a digital marketing endeavor not a dating endeavor not until I meet that girl. That's one example of how you can combine mindset and mechanics and turn online dating from a class two necessary struggle to a class one feels good good for you good for others and I'll give you one more example. Let's go back to first dates. So you know about my shift. You might just make two simple changes on first dates. Let's say you're a guy who gets stuck in the friend zone. Let's say a lot of women don't want to have a second date with you. That's a consistent pattern for you, for example. I get that a lot from guys. Your mindset shift, actually let me start with mechanics. You might make one technical change from one date to the next. Just try something

different. Tell yourself, you know what? I'm gonna say something flirtatious and sexy to every woman on every first date. Connell said, tell every woman that she's sexy and tell her why. I'm going to start doing that on first dates. That might get you out of the friend zone, bro. That could be as simple as that. There's your mechanics adjustment to go from a two to a one or to try to. And then your mindset adjustment might be, here's a good mindset adjustment for a first

date. Your old mindset might be first dates are, first dates are a horror show, or first dates are about me performing, trying to get her to like me. Maybe it feels like that to you. Maybe it feels like a performance, or it feels like, it feels like first performance or it feels like it feels like first first dates don't work

It's when here's a here's a common one our first dates are win-lose Either she likes me and I win or if she doesn't I lost that's a bad mindset. It's common, but it's bad It's destructive or it's not destructive. It's disempowering. That's your old mindset your new mindset to Elevate this to a class one might be every first date is a guaranteed win, guaranteed success, because either I get a great connection with a woman, and then I might be in business, time for love, or even if we don't click and connect,

I'm gonna learn something and I'm gonna be better on the next date. Look at first dates as a vehicle for growth and expression. That's a mindset shift that can also influence your mechanics. Does this all make sense? I know this is heavier stuff than I usually talk about here, but I just think it's important because basically, you know, I want you to,

I don't just want you to get a great girlfriend. I want you to be a happy, fulfilled man. I want you to go through life feeling good, having these great class one experiences. And obviously I want you to get a great girlfriend and find love. But if you can shift dating, increasingly shift it from a class two, that necessary struggle to an ideal experience, you're going to enjoy dating more.

It's going to feel better. Dating will be fun. What a crazy concept, right? Dating? Fun? What? Take it from me. Dating can absolutely be super fun.

I wouldn't be a dating coach if I hadn't had that shift myself. So, final recap here is, if you really wanna change your life, not just your love life, but your life life, look at your whole life holistically. Ask yourself, all right, do I have any class three experiences? Okay, those what I call the the empty comfort experiences. Do I overeat?

Do I binge drink? Do I do drugs or at least destructive drugs? You know a very common these destructive drugs, you know a very common class three empty comfort experience, wanting to approach a woman but not doing it. That's where dating is a class three experience. Every time you see a woman you would love to talk to, you hear that whoa, look at that woman. She is a wow girl. But you don't do it.

You procrastinate, you avoid, you are living a class three. You're choosing comfort over courage. You're choosing comfort over authentic action. And you gotta get that, you gotta cut that shit out of your dating life. But frankly, I want you to cut all these things out of your life.

I'm not saying you need to quit drinking. I'm saying If you were like me you need to either cut down Okay, or you got to get rid of smoking or you got to get rid of overeating or anger issues heaven forbid Yeah, class 3s got to go. They got to go. You've got to get rid of them That'll improve the quality of your life. Get rid of class three experiences, cut them out. And then the big game changer though for your love life is turn class two experiences into class one.

Once you turn class two experiences into class one, using the strategies I've shared with you, you can see that gorgeous woman and walk right up to her because it feels good, it's good for you, and you're gonna be good company for her. It's good for her. You'll be able to go on that first date and be excited for that date. You're gonna jump on the dating apps and think, ooh, I wonder who I matched with today,

or I wonder what might await me today. I can't wait to swipe for a half hour, send some fun flirty texting. Basically, the more you turn your love life into a class one ideal experience, you're gonna be more attractive, you're gonna, it's gonna feel good. Women get addicted to men who are feeling good,

who are living life, who are feeling good, and you are gonna to have to choose your future girlfriend from two, three, four great options because women are just fine men like this who go through life feeling good, giving value, being authentic, they're just like, please, please be my boyfriend, please. You have to choose Jessica you

know Allison's fine oh man Amanda's a great girl but we don't really want the same things long term but wow Jessica's incredible I want to be with her I'm gonna choose her from my nice options and she'll be choosing you from her options but you're that one guy who's gonna stand out, because not only are you radically authentic, not only do you live a life of courage and authenticity and respect for women and integrity, but you do it as a class one man.

Where dating feels good, it's good for you, and it's good for others, and that is an incredibly attractive and fulfilling man to be. Okay, end of today's pod. Thank you for listening to my departure kind of episode. Did you like this? Did you not like it?

Did you think, do you want me to just get back to 47 tips to get her chasing you? I like doing those too, but also I just like to get real deep sometimes because I just want you to thrive and survive and find love, makes me feel good. This very podcast is a class one experience for me. It feels good to sit here and be an expert, so called.

It feels good to give back to you, I hope. And it's good for others and it's good for others. It's good for you, and if I can help you get a great girlfriend, it's gonna make me feel amazing. So this is a class one experience for me, doing a podcast. Fill your life with class one ideal experiences. Eliminate those empty comforts, and work really hard on shifting those necessary struggles to ideal experiences.

I love you. Thanks for listening. Until next time, and don't forget, time for Connell's catchphrase, don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there and she's going to love you, dude. She just has to meet the real authentic you. Okay, until next time.