How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Fix the Flirting Flaw that Creeps Women Out (the New Rules of Dating, Part 2)

Episode Date: January 8, 2026

Are you ready to flirt with women without coming off as “creepy”? In Part 2 of his 26 New Rules of Dating, bestselling author and dating coach Connell Barrett reveals the invisible blind spot that makes good guys accidentally seem creepy—and he helps you fix it. Learn how to flirt with confidence and authenticity, and make 2026 the year you meet your dream girlfriend.Episode Highlights:01:47: The Classy Approaching Move that Women Find Fascinating06:58: Do This to Get Girls Texting You Back13:13: The Right and Wrong Way to Use A.I. on the Apps16:34: The Flirting Flaw that Makes Decent Men Seem Creepy20:37: The Question to Ask on Every First DateBOOK A FREE CALL WITH DATING COACH CONNELL BARRETT TO LEARN IF 1-ON-1 COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU:DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL TO GET A FREE COPY OF HIS BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”:[e-mail]

But if you are using chat GPT to write your openers, oh man, it's not going to work. GPT stands for ghosted, probably tonight. If you use chat as your main writer. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your coach. I'm your host and your coach, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I want to help you get a great girlfriend in 2026 and do it with authenticity. Not a bunch of sketchy pickup artist bullshit. And this is part two of my 26 new dating rules for 2026.

If you missed parts one, or I should say the first 13 rules in the last episode, go check them out. Otherwise, let's get right to it. Let's continue counting down these 26 new rules of dating. Here we go. rule number 14 vulnerability is the new six-pack what do I mean by that well approaching women is a very vulnerable thing to do and it's that very vulnerability that makes it work as long as you lean into it and because it's vulnerable you may as well lean into it vulnerability in dating

in general but also with approaching so for example when I take my clients out to meet women here in New York City. We go to lounges, we go to bars, and depending on a given guy's sticking points and goals, I often, not always, but I often have him start a night out by doing a very vulnerable, scary approach. Basically, I want them to really push their comfort zone. So for example, I had a client named Tyler and we went out one night and I said, Tyler, what are you scared to death of? What are you really nervous about in life in general? And he said, I'm terrified of clowns. He has, he has one of those guys who's afraid of clowns. And so I had him walk up to two women. And for his opener, he had to say, hi, I'm Tyler and I'm terrified

of clowns. And not only did this not come off as weird or strange to these women, they were fascinated. One of them were like, oh my God, I hate clowns. Ever since I've seen Pennywise, the it movies, oh my God, I hate clowns. They're so scary. All of a sudden, these two women were fascinated. Another client, Blake, this is a very common approaching fear. He's petrified of not knowing what to say. Maybe the most common dating, sticking point I hear from men, at least in terms of men who want to approach girls. And Blake was terrified of not knowing what to say. So I had him approach, and he had to walk up to, I said, okay, your next five approaches, you have to walk up and say, hi, I'm Blake,

and I don't know what to say to you. I wanted him to do five. He walked up to one woman, I should say two women, but one approach. And it instantly worked. They didn't even hear it. And really, he just said, hi, I'm Blake. I don't know what to say. And they said, oh, hey, how are you? How's your night going? They were really happy to talk to him. And all of a sudden, he relaxed.

He got confident. And he didn't even do four more approaches. He got one of the two women's numbers in less than 10 minutes. And they were kissing and making out on their first date. Right? So both of these approaches worked. Why? Why? Well, because women respond to vulnerability. I don't mean oversharing or self-pity, just

honest, basic, truthful communication and good old-fashioned human courage. Women are not drawn to so-called alpha males. They're drawn to men who signal emotional availability, also self-awareness, and of course, my religion, signaling authenticity. That's what women want. So keep in mind, you might not have a real six-pack, but if you can walk up to women, if you can be vulnerable on a date, share vulnerable stories, walk up to a woman and say, I don't know what to say to you, but you're so interesting and attractive and I wanted to meet you. You'll be pleasantly shocked by how well this can work and how good it can feel just in your soul. Okay, number 15. By the way, we're counting down 26. This is part two. So if you're wondering why I'm starting in the middle

teens at the beginning of this podcast episode. It's because this is the second episode. So new rule, the 15th new rule for 2026, consent is the new foreplay. Consent before sex is essential, but it doesn't have to sound like a legal deposition. The secret is to make it when you're asking for sex or leading a woman towards sex for that first time, ask in a sexy turned-on way, not like an attorney-out. asking a witness questions. Think Barry White, not Barry Sheck, okay? Barry White, great classic soul singer, Barry Sheck, OJ's lawyer.

We don't want to be Barry Sheck, be Barry White. So here's some sexy ways to get grounded, enthusiastic consent. By the way, some of these come from a woman who goes by the name of Amber Amour. She came up with some of these. I want to give credit. And she's with a, she found it's something called Creating Consent Culture. So thank you, Amber Amour. Here are some things you can say to women and ask women to lead things towards sex and get consent, but in a sexy way.

Can I go down on you? Or I want to take you in the bedroom and fill in blank. Does that sound good to you? I want you. Should I put a condom on? Do you like that? that, meaning whatever you're doing to her in that moment, do you like that? And then maybe next morning, maybe you've hooked up.

She spent a night, you might say, hey, how about morning sex? And of course, if a woman says no at any point, accept it gracefully, warmly, say, okay, no problem. I respect that. As Amber and Moore notes in an article I found peacefully accepting rejection, quote unquote actually increases your chances of hooking up in the future. So this comes from a woman, Amber and more. So don't think of consent or getting consent as a mood killer.

It's confidence wrapped in desire and respect. And that is undeniably attractive to women. Rule number 16. How much you text doesn't matter. This is what matters. Discard outdated dating advice about double texting or waiting hours to reply. All you need to do is ask yourself this instead. Stop asking yourself, how many texts should I, how many texts is too many? Instead, ask yourself, is this text likely to make her smile?

If your text seeks to make a woman smile, you can message her as much as you want with a reason and never come off as needy or thirsty because you're helping her to feel good. I mean, what's a woman going to say? Oh, God, this charming guy keeps making me giggle. and feel good. He has sent me three straight funny texts in a row. Yuck. He is so thirsty, even though he's hilarious and awesome. Of course not. She'll want you to text even more. When my girlfriend, Jess and I first started talking, we triple, quadruple, quintuple, quintuple texted each other. And we weren't thinking about it. We weren't counting texts because we were both enjoying it so much. We were making each other smile. So here are three ways to make a woman smile by text.

Here's what I mean. Number one, be warm and authentic. Text something like, hey, I had a great time last night, and I would love to see you again. Or be playful and cheeky. You might text something like, okay, I will allow a second date as long as you stop trying to be more charming than me. Winky face. And a third way is to be curious about her life. You might say something like, hey, I hope dinner with your parents was fun.

What was the best thing that you had to eat with them? Just asking questions about things that matter to her will make her smile and make her feel good. So stop counting texts. Start asking, will this make her smile? Rule number 17. Treat rejection as information, not a verdict. A woman who barely knows you can't truly reject you. She can only decide that the two of you may not fit.

So if an approach doesn't land or a date, doesn't lead to a second date that's not a verdict on your worth it's just data it's just information it likely just means that in her eyes you're not a good match and that's okay maybe she likes the beetles and you're the stones no harm there the stones effing rock maybe she wants tacos in your pizza pizza is the greatest food in the world so don't take it personally it's just information okay when my client when when a given client has a date that he really wants to go well, not go well. I give him this mantra. I have him say, it's not about me. It's about chemistry. There's a thousand more women and I have more to give. Don't forget that.

All right. Rule number 18. Single dads are the new perfect tense. So own it. I coach a lot of single dads. Being a good father proves that you can do the most important job in the world. which is being a parent and hey women love a guy with a cool job women love a man who can do a cool job there's no more important job so don't be don't look at being a single dad as baggage hell no um it's not baggage it's a Gucci bag it's a fancy cool bag so don't keep your dad life a secret lead with it mention your kid in your profile talk about your son daughter kid on a first date at least a little bit. Being a dad is the greenest of green flags to so many women. It makes you attend to so many women. So don't forget that, single dads out there. Okay, speaking of single

dads, here's rule number 19. If you are a dilf, use a very dilferent kind of prompt. here's a really good cheeky hinge prompt that has crushed for a few of my single dad clients recently in 2025 this is the bones of it and you can certainly tweak it so put this on hinge bumble tinder wherever you want to wherever you have your profile quote yep i'm a total dilf a dedicated invested loving father dot dot gosh what did you think I meant? Get your mind out of the gutter. Winky face. So obviously, we're turning Dilf into a funny acronym that stands for dedicated, invested, loving father. It's playful, it's cheeky, it's flirtatious, and it's also a way to tell women that you have a kid. And if she's into that,

she's totally cool with it, in which case, that's great. And if she's not, fine. There's a lot more women out there. So try my very dilferent kind of prompt if you're a single dad. All right, rule number 20, unlock your true charisma. Charisma is not about being the loudest guy in the room. It takes many forms, charisma. There's not one kind of charisma. Think Chris Pratt with his goofy, playful charm on Parks and Rec or Guardians of the Galaxy. Think Jeff Goldblum with his quirky, big brained Jeff Goldblum charisma. You are charismatic in your own way, is what I'm saying. And the way to unlock it is to understand how.

Mad, dating scientist that I am, I created a formula to help guys unlock their true charisma. I call it the charisma code. Think of this as the E equals MC squared for romantic attraction. Here it is. My charisma code. A.E. plus P. plus PL equals charismatic to your type.

Let me break it down really quick. A.E equals authentic expression being genuinely you. P equals presence, staying in the moment. And PL equals playfulness, which is the essence of flirting, as I've already stated in this list. So use this formula to embrace your natural charisma, and this will attract women who are drawn to your authentic type. A.E. plus P. plus PL equals charismatic to your future girlfriend. Rule number 21. Use AI, if you must, as an editor, but not as a ghostwriter. I recently matched on Bumble with a woman who really loved this prompt. Here's my prompt on Bumble.

If you like tall, handsome, charming, witty, intelligent, financially stable, charismatic, modest gentleman, then you should meet my brother. Pretty funny, right? I like it. She wrote LOL. I like your prompt, but did you write that? Or was it chat GPT? It's an original, I'm proud to report, but her question underscores

are a growing trend in dating. Women are wary of AI written content. Their guard is up, and for good reason. More than one in four singles are now using AI for online dating. And this is according to have plenty of fish pull. So it's going to be really tempting to you to have AI write your prompts or your openers, but don't. AI crafted messages sound polished but hollow and women can tell. And I've

tried this myself. I use chat GPT in certain areas of my life, but chat GPT sucks, sucks, sucks at online dating openers. It's terrible, terrible. But it's actually not bad as a sounding board. It's terrible as a writer. It's not bad as a sounding board. It's actually pretty good as a sounding board. But if you are using chat GPT to write your openers, oh man, it's not going to work. GPT stands for ghosted, probably tonight if you use chat as your main writer. So use it as a sounding board, not as a ghost writer. Write your own prompt or your own opener, and then if you insist, then you can ask AI to help you polish it. So, for example, you might write a kind of a generic draft of an opener.

Like, let's say there's a woman you're into on your, a woman you matched with who's into hiking. Your draft might read, oh, hey, I saw you're into hiking. I like hiking too. I like to go on weekends when the weather's good. And AI can help you polish that by and turn out and come up with something like, oh, hey there, Emily, I saw that you're into hiking. What's your go-to trail? I'm always hunting for new spots that aren't overrun with people and maybe add a smiley face.

So AI is good as a sounding board, but don't let it replace your voice, okay? The voice needs to remain yours, just warmer and more engaging. Real connection starts with real words. rule number 22 take one week off of the apps each month a majority of app users are just so burnt out and report being burnout being the biggest thing they hate about dating and because apps reward endless engagement not actual connection so i want you to take one week off of the apps per month No swiping, no DMs, no nothing. Reconnect with real life.

And then when you come back, you're going to feel so much more refreshed. All right. Rule number 23. Timit is creepy. Clarity is confident. You know that weird feeling when you're texting somebody? Leave dating out of this for a second, just texting in general. You know that weird feeling when you're messaging with somebody on.

text on SMS and they're typing that little typing ellipsis pops up then it disappears then it pops up again but they never send the message that's uncomfortable it's weirdly uncomfortable right well that's how women feel when you are timidly staring lingering but not approaching that's how women feel when you're on a date you want to make a move you want to say something something flirty. You want to hold her hand, go for the kiss, but you don't. Timidity feels creepy to women. You are not creepy. I want to be clear. You are not a creepy man. But if you allow timidity to infect you too much with dating, you're going to come off as creepy. Clear. Clarity is confidence. So say hello. Give the compliment. Make the move. Say the flirty sexy thing.

Let the chips fall. But ambiguity is creepy. Clarity is confident. So just hit send. That's what I'm saying. Don't be ellipsies popping on and off. Just hit send. Rule number 24. Three left. Three left.

We're almost there. Rule number 24 of my 26 new rules for dating in 2026. Text her this if you don't want another date. A lot of my clients say to me, Hey, Connell, I really like this woman, but I just wasn't feeling it. But I don't want to ghost her. I want to be a decent guy. How do I let her down easy?

Well, if there was no spark, After a couple of dates, here's what you do. Don't ghost, okay? Men, too many men ghost, don't do it. Don't be that guy. Tell her the truth, but with kindness. Here's what you text. Something like this.

Quote, hey, I had a great time with you, but the spark just wasn't there for me. But I know you're going to find somebody as fantastic as you are. This makes your end of this possible connection not a personal rejection, it's about chemistry, not about her as a person. So I'll say it again, quote, I had a great time with you, but the spark just wasn't there for me, but I know you're going to find somebody as fantastic as you are. This closes the door, but it does it gently, and women will really appreciate it.

Okay, rule number 25, don't talk about dating. Don't talk about dating, especially on dates. look there are certain things you just don't talk about fight club that new rash you got how ugly your sister's baby is certain things we just don't talk about and another thing you don't want to talk about is dating itself when you're on a date um talking about dating talking about the apps dating red flags talking about attachment style it's all all too meta. It's too analytical. It's the romantic equivalent of dissecting a frog. It kills it. It's like the humor equivalent of talking about why a joke is funny. It might be analytically

interesting to you why that joke is funny. But if you talk about why it's funny, you're not laughing. You're in an analytical headspace. And remember, we want women and you to be in a playful romantic headspace and vibe, not analytical. So stop analyzing dates. No more talking about dating on dates. But I have one exception. Here it is. And here is rule number 26.

The final rule of my 26 new rules for dating in 2026. Number 26, ask her this on a first date. Here's what you ask her. What's the weirdest first date you've ever had? Women love this question. because it's part venting and part storytelling. And this is a great thing to ask in the first five, ten, 15 minutes of a first date when you and she are still getting comfortable around each other,

kind of just, you know, getting some basic rapport going. And what's great about this question is pretty much every woman has had a really weird first date. So she'll tell you about the investment banker, whose cocaine dealer showed up mid-date with a Coke delivery. Or she'll tell you about the nut job who asked her what specific size and shape her nipples are. By the way, both of these are true stories from female friends. I didn't just make those up. Every woman has a, whoa, that guy was weird story.

So just listen to her and laugh. you have the option of sharing your own weird first date story, although you might not have one. That's fine. And what's going to happen here is you're going to give her both of you something light and fun to talk about. Yes, it's talking about dating, but it's not analytically talking about dating. It's laughing about how crazy and weird some people are. But then by contrast, she is going to be juxtaposing you, this grounded, normal, cool guy with the weird dude who showed up to a first date with vampire fangs in his mouth and it

wasn't Halloween and you're just going to look like an even better catch. So there's also a deeper psychological reason that this is a fun thing or a good thing to talk about. Bottom line is it's a great topic. If you're going to talk about dating, ask her, what's the weirdest date you've ever had and let her tell you her funny story and then stay away from the topic of dating because hey sometimes the best way to get a second date is to become i should say sometimes the best way to get a second date is to avoid becoming a first date story all right thank you so much for listening to my two-part episode on the 26 new rules of online dating and again if you are interested in finding out how my one-on-one coaching works, go to datingtransformation.com. I have a lot more tips and advice

and I have a dating advice column on my website. And there's also a way for you to book a free consultation with me to talk about your dating life to see if you might want to talk about how in-person coaching works. So go to datingtransformation.com if you'd like, book a free call with me and perhaps you and I will be talking soon. Until next time. Thank you so much. I'm going to be. I'm going to be.