How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - For Dating Confidence, Unleash the Power of Radical Authenticity

Starting point is 00:00:00 I have three dance floor moves, and one of them is biting my lower lip. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and get an amazing partner, a wonderful girlfriend, and do this all with authenticity. No sketchy pickup artist stuff. No toxic, weird, red pill stuff. It's about showing women the best, true, real you. And if you struggle with confidence, if you don't know what to say, or if you just feel like the kinds of women you want to date and the kind of woman you want to have as a relationship, if you feel like women like that are out of your league, then this is going to be a really short but powerful and important episode for you because I want to talk about why authenticity, radical authenticity,

Starting point is 00:01:12 is the closest thing there is to a silver bullet, a magic bullet in the world of dating and attraction and finding love. Let me do it with a story. Here's a quick story from my past. So many, many years ago when I was struggling with dating, and I had a lot of very common problems that men deal with. This was back in the late 2000s, late double zeros, the late aughts. And I was struggling with self-confidence. I could not approach women. I had really bad approach anxiety. I just felt like I'm not what women want. I'm not good enough. I'm too nice. I'm too introverted. I'm too nerdy. And that made it really tough for me. And so I started working with some coaches and I started taking a

Starting point is 00:02:06 lot of action. And I want to give you the tale of two nights out. The wrong way to do it, the pickup way to do it, and the right way to do it. The authenticity way, the authentic way to meet women. So here's the wrong way to do it. I hired a coach. I won't name his name. He's still out there, well, messing up men's dating lives, although he has good intentions. But anyway, I hired this coach and he said, Connell, you're too nice. Just don't be a nice guy. Women want you to be an a-hole to them, at least at first. Women want to date a guy who treats them like a dick. And at the time, I did not like the way that sounded. But I thought, hey, he's the coach. Maybe there's something to this. Maybe I'm just too nice. So I went out.

Starting point is 00:03:00 I took his advice. His advice was to go out for a month and just be a total asshole. Be polarizing. Say, say, negging things to be commanding an alpha. Oh, yeah. Be alpha. Be an alpha male. One of his little catchphrases was, the alpha male gets all the tail. It's like so laughably bad. Anyway, so I tried this, or at least I tried to try it. I went out for about barely two weeks, a few nights over the course of a couple weeks. And I tried to be a jerk. I tried to be alpha male. I tried to be commanding and put on this mask, this toxic alpha male pickup artist mask.

Starting point is 00:03:46 And I remember I would look at women on a dance floor and I'd say, no dancing here. No dancing. Thinking that's what assholes do. And they looked at me like I was an alien. And I cracked crass, sometimes inappropriate jokes. And I definitely got stronger reactions from women, but it wasn't good reactions. It was basically looking at me like I was some kind of a weirdo.

Starting point is 00:04:23 And I also just felt like I was wearing somebody else's suit. And the moment when I decided to give this up, it was when I was actually on a double date with a friend. And I said a very terrible, awful, politically incorrect and just highly insensitive joke about a woman's ethnicity. And it was awful. And I won't repeat the joke because it was just so gross. But basically, it killed my date's vibe. It killed the vibe of my friend and his date. And I just remember thinking, okay, I can't do this anymore. I can't be somebody I'm not. So then I went out, I took a couple of weeks off. And then about two or three weeks later,

Starting point is 00:05:09 I went out again. And I said, you know what? When in doubt, when something's not working, just try something totally different. It's a piece of advice I got from Tony Robbins' seminar I went to, which is keep taking action, but make an adjustment, try something different. And so I went out one night and I said, you know what? I'm going to actually, you know, you know, who's, you know, actually, you know, the advice I was taking, do you remember the Seinfeld episode called the opposite where George Costanza realizes that what he's been doing in life and his dating life is wrong, so the opposite must be right. I basically did that. I went out one night in New York City and I said, I'm going to do the

Starting point is 00:05:50 opposite. Instead of trying to be a jerk or a playboy or sorry, a cocky, sarcastic alpha male, I'm just going to walk up to women and be so myself. I'm going to be so genuine and real. I'm going to walk up to people and women the way I would if I was walking up to my very best friends, to my family members. I remember walking into this club. Sorry, this bar and club. It's a three-level bar club in New York City called Hotel Chantel. And I walked in there and I said, tonight, I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to do the opposite. I'm going to be so authentically genuine and conal and me and real. And no matter what happens, at least I get to be myself.

Starting point is 00:06:38 At least I get to be myself. I'm going to read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps, and desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends.

Starting point is 00:07:18 So book a free strategy call today to see if Conal's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at www.datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for

Starting point is 00:07:56 you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results and attracting bright beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. happened. I just had a couple of nice, quick, fun, short conversations with groups of women. But I started to feel a little confidence built because I was treating people like a human, not like a target, not like must approach target. But also, I was also treating them with the respect of showing them the real me. And I could see the way people were reacting differently than that fake persona.

Starting point is 00:09:02 And that started to feel good. So I began to feel like I had some momentum. By the way, I was out this night and I was totally by myself. I mean, I didn't have a wingman. I walked in solo, which was nerve wracking at first. So I started approaching and it feels solid and good. It feels very genuine. And then something, a really cool switch flipped after about three or four approaches. I started to feel like this different version of me. Still me, but lit up, turned on, almost like a superhero version of me. So if you want a reference from your life, how this might feel for you, think about an area of your life where you are absolutely in the zone. You feel incredible. You feel genuine. You feel present. You're out of your head. You're just

Starting point is 00:10:00 into your real self and you feel awesome. Maybe that's work. Maybe it's playing a musical instrument, maybe hanging out with certain friends. But however you feel when you're feeling like 9 out of 10, 10 out of 10, that's how I started to feel. And so I started standing up taller, talking louder, but still being Connell, still being myself. And I was cracking jokes. My puns started to come out. My dad jokes started to come out. I love a good dad joke. But also, I'm kind of a cheeky smartass when I get comfortable socially.

Starting point is 00:10:35 So my cheeky sarcastic side came out. But it was all wrapped around this core, authentic, genuine, real core. And that's when amazing things started to happen that night. The two moments that stand out were I approached a really pretty British woman. And we were talking for about five minutes. And the more we talked, I was just being myself, telling her what my job was as a journalist at the time. And I was asking about her. But I was also teasing and joking.

Starting point is 00:11:12 At one point, I challenged her to see if she could do... I said, can you do an American accent? And I tried to do her British accents. We played this fun little flirty game of trying to do each other's accents. And she did a terrible American accent. And I teased her about that. Because I'm a natural, authentic smartass with people I know and like. I'm a genuine smartass. But in a good, good intentioned way, not a negging way. Anyway, so we were laughing and joking for five or six minutes. And then she just looks at me and says, all right, Connell, you have 10 seconds to kiss me.

Starting point is 00:11:56 And she started counting down 10, 9, 8, 7. And then, hey, it wouldn't be gentlemanly to deny a woman a nice invitation like that. So I leaned in and we're making out in this bar after five or six or seven minutes of talking. And that was a big aha moment for me because I realized, wow, she saw and liked the real me who was giving her the gift of my authentic self. And I was also allowing her, because I was being authentic first, I was allowing her to be her genuine self. And she noticed that I liked her, that I liked the real her. Forget her name. It's been a long time, but beautiful British woman, whoever you were. Sorry, I forgot your name, but we had this really sexy, cool middle of the bar makeout. No, probably 10 minutes. I guess it was about 10 minutes. We're

Starting point is 00:13:01 about 10 minutes into the conversation. And she's the one who basically made the move, right? She said, kiss me in 10 seconds. And I obliged. And so I got her phone number. We talked for a little while longer. I got her phone number. We made plans for a date. Then she and her friends had to go. About a half hour later, I went down to the lowest level at Hotel Chantel as a dance floor, a really loud, crowded dance floor, and kind of a cool basement cavern type of vibe. And then I was really in the zone because, hey, you make out with a beautiful British woman, approaches are opening beautifully, People are enjoying my company. I probably got some blowouts, some quote unquote rejections along the way. But to be honest, I don't even remember them anymore

Starting point is 00:13:52 because I just have learned to remember the wins and successes rather than worrying about the quote unquote rejections. But I'm sure I got rejected and blown out a few times. But even those didn't hurt because I had good intentions. And I remember our down... So downstairs at the basement of Hotel Chantel, I went up to a woman on the dance floor and I never do dance floor approaches. That's so out of my comfort zone. I have three dance floor moves, and one of them is biting my lower lip. I am not a great dancer. I have two left feet, for sure. And both of my left feet have bunions. Anyway, I'm on the dance floor, and I see this really gorgeous girl dancing, grooving. And I walk up to her and I just tap her on the shoulder. She turns around and I said, hey, you're really effing cute.

Starting point is 00:14:53 I didn't say effing, but you're really effing cute. Who are you? And her eyes lit up and she said, hey, I'm Stacey. And then I take her by the hand. I spin her. I were dancing. And then two minutes later, she and I are making out on the dance floor. This was the first time in my life, in my life, I'd ever kissed two different women on the same day, or in this case, within about 45 minutes. And that's not why I got into this world. It's

Starting point is 00:15:25 not like I needed to go out for ego gratification and make out with two women inside of an hour. But I wasn't going to say no to it. And I remember kissing this girl and dancing on the dance floor. By the way, I'm sober. Well, I'm not sober. I probably had maybe two drinks. But I wasn't absolutely super buzzed. I was feeling good, but I wasn't drunk. Definitely not. So I made out with this girl on this dance floor. Stacy, I think was her name. And I just remember walking home that night.

Starting point is 00:15:59 I was walking home five feet off. I'm walking home on Houston Street. I'm floating five feet off the, the, I'm walking home on Houston street. I'm like floating five feet off of Houston. Uh, yeah. Floating five feet off of Houston street because I remember having this major epiphany and I realized, Whoa, that's what, that's what gets results. That's what feels good. And that's what women want. Women want to meet that best authentic real you. And I was walking home that night thinking, why did this work so well? Why did this work so much better than that be an asshole, be a jerk, be toxic experiment that I tried. And I remember thinking, well, it's because I was feeling incredible. I was feeling really confident as me. I already know you listening. You already know who you are. You know who you are. And I should say, you know how to be you.

Starting point is 00:17:07 You don't know how to be some weird fake persona of what some people tell you women want. So why does authenticity work with women? Why is this the formula for dating success that you want to pour out of that bottle and take a drink. Why does it work? Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain

Starting point is 00:17:46 instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly.

Starting point is 00:18:35 Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. I think there's three reasons. Number one is when you are radically authentic, you go out and take action and show women your real best self, then that makes you your most confident because you know how to be you already. So you're projecting the most confident version of yourself and every woman is attracted to confidence. Every single woman, I believe. There are very few

Starting point is 00:19:25 universals in this world in terms of what every woman does or doesn't want, but I don't know a woman who doesn't want a confident man. So number one is you're giving her a confidence, a projection of your confidence. Number two, because you're, how do I put this? Because you're being authentic, which is really just a synonym for you're being truthful. You're giving her a truthful, honest, real version of yourself. Authenticity lets a woman know, whoa, this guy's being real with me. He's not playing a game. He's not agenda-driven, and he's not being fake. He's being authentic, and that creates trust. And a woman needs to feel trust in order for her to want to date you, to kiss you, to hook up with you, to go on a date with you, to basically open up. She has to take a

Starting point is 00:20:26 little bit of a romantic risk. And if a woman doesn't feel trust with a guy, then you're not going to get very far with her. And that's the second reason why radical authenticity works. And the third reason why radical authenticity works is that it opens you both up to emotional connection. You can't be authentic without being at least somewhat vulnerable, real, yourself. There's a certain vulnerability in that. And when a woman sees you going first, being vulnerable and real, that gives her the green light to also do the same. It's almost like you're getting emotionally naked first. She gets emotionally naked because she sees you go first. And now you've got two people being emotionally naked. And once you're both emotionally

Starting point is 00:21:19 naked, hey, pretty soon you might both be actually naked, which is a nice bonus. And then so those are the three reasons why radical authenticity works. And then there's one other massive, super incredible bonus to being authentic, which is that this is a way to date with integrity. Authenticity, showing women your real self, and also getting to know her real self, which is one of the things I help them with. I coach them not just in being authentic, but in helping to make her feel that she can be her real best authentic self. That by dating through the lens of authenticity and truth and good intentions for women, it's a very high integrity way to date. It's very high integrity.

Starting point is 00:22:07 You know, when I went out for that two weeks to be a quote, asshole jerk, that was low integrity. Why was it low integrity? I was being fake. I had an agenda. I was being fake and artificial in order to get a result with girls. That is such a low integrity way to go about this. And it doesn't work. At least it doesn't work consistently. And life's too short to go through your dating life from a place of lack of integrity. So please drop any kind of alpha male mask or pickup artist mask or agenda-driven approach to dating. I advise you, implore you, ask you to be authentic, be genuine, be real. Show women that true, best, real self. It feels good to her. It feels good for you. It's a way to date from a place of generosity and giving. I mean, think about it. What's more valuable for you to offer a woman on a date or an approach or a conversation. What's more valuable than the real you? That best, most genuine real

Starting point is 00:23:26 you. Your personality, your sense of humor, your opinions, your life history, taking authentic actions from good intentioned, empathetic place with women. Yeah. Dating with authenticity, it's the shit. It's the secret formula. Not just because it works and gets quote unquote results, which it does, but also because it lets you date from a place of authenticity, I'm sorry, of generosity, empathy. And right now, we're just talking about dating. Bottom line is when you're really approaching your dating life this way, you're going to start to make a shift and approach your whole life this way. Because I believe that you should approach life the same way you approach women in dating, which is with empathy, with integrity, with good intentions, and obviously authenticity, realness.

Starting point is 00:24:36 You want to go out and pursue passions in your life that are authentic to you. You want a job that is authentic to you. You want to be authentic and real with your friends, with your family. You want to just give the world the most valuable gift you have to give, the gift of your authentic self. And it feels great. And it also happens to be what works with women. Once you dial in the how-to part and kind of understand how to apply this formula. So anyway, that was a big aha moment night for me. I can't wait for you to have your aha moment of dating through authenticity. Maybe it'll be a first date.

Starting point is 00:25:23 Maybe it's an approach you'll make. Maybe it's a text you send. Hey, everybody's got a different time frame here. And by the way, if you ever want to talk to me about coaching and how to basically become radically authentic and create a roadmap for you to date with authenticity, become great at flirting, always knowing what to say, because a radically authentic man always knows what to say to women, and then getting a great girlfriend, you can book a free call with me and we can talk about it. You can go to datingtransformation.com to do that. All right. Thank you for listening. Until next time. And remember,

Starting point is 00:26:05 your dream girlfriend, she's already out there and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. Until next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation Podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com see you next time produced by heart cast media

How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - For Dating Confidence, Unleash the Power of Radical Authenticity

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